1. Previously on "Queen of Jordan".Copy !req
2. Randy's another harvest dad,
I need a nanny.Copy !req
3. That's perfect!Copy !req
4. All my children
were taken away.Copy !req
5. Can you believe that
D'Fwan is telling youCopy !req
6. that Angie is starting
her own clothing line?Copy !req
7. Why don't you
control your dog?Copy !req
8. He controls me!Copy !req
9. Hello, Angie...Copy !req
10. I mean, hello, whoever it is
going to be.Copy !req
11. Hi, Jack, it's Angie.Copy !req
12. I wanted to remind you we
have a meetingCopy !req
13. today about my fashion line.Copy !req
14. Looking forward to it.Copy !req
15. We can do a lot of
cross-promotionCopy !req
16. between our shows
and your clothing Brand,Copy !req
17. uh, cheek.Copy !req
18. It's pronounced "chic".Copy !req
19. It's French.Copy !req
20. Now that I'm a fashion designer,Copy !req
21. I'm an octuple threat...Copy !req
22. Reality star, actress,
singer/song-reader,Copy !req
23. perfumist, IBS survivor,
best-selling authorCopy !req
24. of a book I didn't write,
catchphrase coiner.Copy !req
25. "I'll take that with cheese."Copy !req
26. Well they don't all work.Copy !req
27. Cheek is stretchable
formal wearCopy !req
28. for elegant plus-sized
women and huskier gays.Copy !req
29. Tonight is the big fashion show
for cheek's summer line.Copy !req
30. I find that my target customer
sweats a lotCopy !req
31. and often gets thrown
into a public pool.Copy !req
32. Now this show is the...Copy !req
33. Angie, I'm sorry, but I
have to take this other call.Copy !req
34. What?
No, you don't...Copy !req
35. Rude!Copy !req
36. This is Jack Donaghy.Copy !req
37. This is Sam Lockwood
with the State Department.Copy !req
38. I'm stunned.Copy !req
39. The CIA captured
a North Korean spy.Copy !req
40. So we were able to arrange
a prisoner swap next week.Copy !req
41. In exchange for my wife,
they get their spy back,Copy !req
42. They just got Nash Bridges.Copy !req
43. Obviously, this is
a very personal matter,Copy !req
44. so I would appreciate it
if your guys at Bravo...Copy !req
45. Excuse me, "gays" at Bravo...Copy !req
46. Handle this
with the same delicacyCopy !req
47. with which you handledCopy !req
48. D'Fwan's boyfriend's
pregnancy scare.Copy !req
49. It's my way till pay day.Copy !req
50. Where is he?Copy !req
51. Jack Donaghy is late
for our meeting.Copy !req
52. Not to be racist, but white
guys are typically punctual.Copy !req
53. I'm sorry I got so real,Copy !req
54. but nothing's gonna change
unless there's a dialogue.Copy !req
55. I've never been so
disrespected in my life.Copy !req
56. And I've gone to
and worked at the post office.Copy !req
57. Mrs. Jordan, Mr. Donaghy
sends his apologies,Copy !req
58. but he is unable to
attend your meeting.Copy !req
59. I'm here as his representative.Copy !req
60. No.Copy !req
61. That man is about to get some
cheese with that.Copy !req
62. That catchphrase
is improving, baby!Copy !req
63. You don't give me notes!Copy !req
64. Girlfriend.Copy !req
65. Looks like you need
a girlfriend.Copy !req
66. I have a girlfriend.Copy !req
67. Her name is
Raven-Symone Senior.Copy !req
68. I'm really close
to the whole Q of cast.Copy !req
69. So I know they're gonna pull me
into all of their dramaCopy !req
70. and I'm gonna be
on the show a lot.Copy !req
71. I will be on the show a lot.Copy !req
72. - Where's Jack?
- Boob monster!Copy !req
73. I'm supposed to
have a meetingCopy !req
74. with Jack Donaghy.Copy !req
75. Do you not know where
your own husband is?Copy !req
76. I know they're not married.Copy !req
77. I just like them to knowCopy !req
78. I don't give a
about their lives.Copy !req
79. Jack's probably busy, Angie.Copy !req
80. His wife was kidnapped,
but now she's coming back,Copy !req
81. and all these cameras
are around,Copy !req
82. so they've been following
him everywhere.Copy !req
83. Uhhuh.Copy !req
84. I see what's happening.Copy !req
85. Jacks' not just
blowing me off.Copy !req
86. He's trying to ruin
my big night.Copy !req
87. No, Angie, what's happening
with him is cra...Copy !req
88. No, what's happening
is the cheek fashion show.Copy !req
89. That's what people
wanna know about.Copy !req
90. And Tracy's planning a huge
surprise for me at the end.Copy !req
91. Really? What is it?Copy !req
92. I don't know, Liz.
It's a surprise.Copy !req
93. Do you know
what a surprise is?Copy !req
94. Now you do.Copy !req
95. You didn't have a drink.
Wha?Copy !req
96. Shh!Copy !req
97. Don't learn to talk.Copy !req
98. A woman's power comes
from her silence.Copy !req
99. - You're Liz, right?
- Randi.Copy !req
100. Great episode last week.Copy !req
101. I thought it was very
brave of you to poseCopy !req
102. for Playboy against
Playboy's wishes.Copy !req
103. I need a date to Angie's
fashion showCopy !req
104. and Tracy tells me that you're,
you know, the village bicycle.Copy !req
105. What? No.
Why would he say that?Copy !req
106. Doctor guy, pilot guy,
Cleveland dude,Copy !req
107. British guy, rich dude,
James Franco.Copy !req
108. I've been with the same woman
for 22 years.Copy !req
109. No judgments, but to me,
Liz Lemon is a sex maniac.Copy !req
110. Well, a lady never goes
anywhere without a date.Copy !req
111. - Can someone watch Virginia?
- I can't.Copy !req
112. Contractually, I can only
hold beautiful black babiesCopy !req
113. in benetton ads.Copy !req
114. And I don't know if I should.Copy !req
115. 'Cause I'm might bite
these fat little legs.Copy !req
116. I might eat them up,
they're so fat and juicy.Copy !req
117. No, Sam, the military
brings her back.Copy !req
118. Don't even let Clinton
know about this.Copy !req
119. He and Steve Bing will break out
their sex plane.Copy !req
120. It is a sex plane.Copy !req
121. There aren't even any seats.Copy !req
122. It's just futons and jacuzzis.Copy !req
123. I've gotta run, Sam.Copy !req
124. Jack I...
God, what is this?Copy !req
125. It's just
one of our shows.Copy !req
126. They're following me today.Copy !req
127. Is this one of those
ridiculous reality showsCopy !req
128. like Ken Burns's jazz?
Disgusting.Copy !req
129. I'm sorry, Diana.
Ignore them.Copy !req
130. Eventually, you won't
even know they're here.Copy !req
131. I'm just a little
overwhelmed right now.Copy !req
132. I could use a drink.Copy !req
133. I'm afraid that while
we're on camera,Copy !req
134. I can only offer you D'Fwan's
boutique wine, "d'fwine".Copy !req
135. D'fwine.Copy !req
136. Please d'fwink responsibly.Copy !req
137. To Avery's return.Copy !req
138. I'm a part of this as well.Copy !req
139. I played Avery in the TV movie,
Kidnapped by danger.Copy !req
140. Jenna, this is
for family only.Copy !req
141. Now you sound like the cops
outside of Jackie O's funeral.Copy !req
142. But I got in thereCopy !req
143. and sang almost all
of Big spender.Copy !req
144. I suggest you go back toCopy !req
145. whatever Florida bathroom
you crawled out of.Copy !req
146. I can see
I'm not wanted here.Copy !req
147. But thank you for looking up
on WikipediaCopy !req
148. that I was conceived
on a toilet.Copy !req
149. No one wants me
in their story.Copy !req
150. If a beautiful woman cries
and no one hears it,Copy !req
151. did she waste $700
on crying lessonsCopy !req
152. at Adrian Brody's unaccredited
acting school?Copy !req
153. Jack, when Avery
does get back,Copy !req
154. I don't think we should
tell her about us.Copy !req
155. I want to make sure
we all we're very clearCopy !req
156. about what my mother in law
said in my office.Copy !req
157. She said we shouldn't
tell Avery about Gus.Copy !req
158. Gus is someone I've gone
into business withCopy !req
159. and Avery wouldn't
approve of him.Copy !req
160. Why would she disapprove?Copy !req
161. Well, uh, because
they dated... at Yale.Copy !req
162. Gus was a Professor.Copy !req
163. Of course you'll meet him.Copy !req
164. We do business all the time.Copy !req
165. Tracy,
I know you're planningCopy !req
166. a big romantic
surprise for meCopy !req
167. at the end
of the fashion show.Copy !req
168. But Jack Donaghy is messing
with my special day.Copy !req
169. So whatever you were thinking
about doing, double it.Copy !req
170. Call Mo'nique.Copy !req
171. Do a dove release.Copy !req
172. Parachute in and propose to me
all over again, you hear?Copy !req
173. Angie, I wasn't even gonna
go to your fashion show.Copy !req
174. It's at 8:00,Copy !req
175. which is 9:00 am Tokyo time.Copy !req
176. That's when Takashi's parents
leave for workCopy !req
177. and we play
mass effect 3 online.Copy !req
178. Mr. and Mrs. Tanaka
think he's at school,Copy !req
179. but he's playing video games
with a drunk adult.Copy !req
180. Now I know
you're just saying thatCopy !req
181. because you don't want to
ruin the surpriseCopy !req
182. 'cause you're a good husband.Copy !req
183. My God.Copy !req
184. Ned Stark is dead?Copy !req
185. I love my wife.Copy !req
186. I want her to be happy.Copy !req
187. But more than that,
I'm gonna do nothing.Copy !req
188. It's hard trying
to have it all.Copy !req
189. You wait here, Bernardo.Copy !req
190. She bit my.Copy !req
191. Eew.Copy !req
192. My glasses.Copy !req
193. It's work. It's work.Copy !req
194. But she is at such a fun age.Copy !req
195. You get so much out of it.Copy !req
196. It's fine, I'm fine.Copy !req
197. If everything goes
according to plan,Copy !req
198. Avery will be back
in a few days.Copy !req
199. In the meantime I have
a lot of work to do...Copy !req
200. With Gus, my business partner,Copy !req
201. whom Diana mentioned earlier.Copy !req
202. Gus, there's Gus.Copy !req
203. Why are you wearing the hatCopy !req
204. I asked you not to wear
any more to our meetings?Copy !req
205. We're higher up here,Copy !req
206. so the sun's electricity
is stronger.Copy !req
207. Well, uh, let's go over
the numbers, Gus.Copy !req
208. As you can see,
the numbers look pretty good.Copy !req
209. We're under budget and
in line with projections.Copy !req
210. Great, well, uh, meeting over.Copy !req
211. You probably shouldn't have even
filmed that, it was so boring.Copy !req
212. Diana, you remember Gus,
whom you said we shouldn't tellCopy !req
213. Avery about because
she used to date him.Copy !req
214. She was nasty.Copy !req
215. She loved pee.Copy !req
216. - Thank you, Gus.
- No, Jack.Copy !req
217. I didn't say Gus.Copy !req
218. I already explained
to them what I said.Copy !req
219. I said I did not want Avery
to know about Rus.Copy !req
220. In slavic myth, Rus is
the founder of Russia.Copy !req
221. Why can't Avery know aboutCopy !req
222. the mythological founder
of Russia?Copy !req
223. Because Jack has invested a lot
of money in a restaurantCopy !req
224. I'm opening called "Rus".Copy !req
225. It is Russian cuisine.Copy !req
226. Who doesn't love
cold, purple soup?Copy !req
227. Diana, we're talking
about the same thing,Copy !req
228. because, as you know,Copy !req
229. the restaurant Rus
is the business ventureCopy !req
230. I'm engaged in with Gus.Copy !req
231. Right, he is the chef.Copy !req
232. As I mentioned earlier,
he's a Professor at Yale.Copy !req
233. Which is funny,Copy !req
234. because he looks so much
more like a chef.Copy !req
235. What's funniest...
Is that's he's both.Copy !req
236. And now he works
at the restaurantCopy !req
237. we can't tell Avery about.Copy !req
238. And the grand opening
is tonight.Copy !req
239. Now he's opening up
a restaurantCopy !req
240. the same night
my line launches?Copy !req
241. That is a bridge too far.Copy !req
242. That's right.Copy !req
243. I read World War II history,
mother-.Copy !req
244. Well, nobody's going to care
about his restaurantCopy !req
245. when there's a fashion show
going on in the middle of it.Copy !req
246. And a big surprise
from my husband.Copy !req
247. Eliza Beth.Copy !req
248. This is very, very easy for meCopy !req
249. to say to you, but you can't
come in here right now.Copy !req
250. Wha... I just wanna
drop off thisCopy !req
251. little crinkly book
that I got for Virginia.Copy !req
252. I can't let you in.Copy !req
253. After what happened
betwixt you this morning?Copy !req
254. No, Virginia is not
having you.Copy !req
255. What are you talking about?Copy !req
256. I might bite these
fat little legs.Copy !req
257. They're so fat and juicy.Copy !req
258. Rude.Copy !req
259. Whit was a compliment.Copy !req
260. That's a thing people
say to babies.Copy !req
261. You never talk about
a black woman's leg size.Copy !req
262. Not on babies, not on
the Williams sisters,Copy !req
263. not on a mannequin at Avenue.Copy !req
264. We have come too far.Copy !req
265. Now you know me, girl.Copy !req
266. I don't, really.Copy !req
267. I stay above these feuds.Copy !req
268. Did I get involved
when Portia tookCopy !req
269. the over-the-counter colon
health test in the bathroomCopy !req
270. at Randi's domestic violence
costume ball?Copy !req
271. I did, but I didn't want to.Copy !req
272. Can I be honest?Copy !req
273. I think I'm just anxiousCopy !req
274. for Virginia to love me because
I've been thinkingCopy !req
275. about motherhood lately.Copy !req
276. I have a serious biend
right now and...Copy !req
277. Lisa, D'Fwan doesn't talk
about people behind their backs,Copy !req
278. so I'm just gonna tell
you straight to your faceCopy !req
279. that what you're saying
right now is very boring.Copy !req
280. All I know is
I'm gonna stay outCopy !req
281. of this fight between
you and Virginia.Copy !req
282. That baby is a piece of work.Copy !req
283. You know she should be
able to stack blocksCopy !req
284. in a tower by now,
but she won't do it.Copy !req
285. I thought you didn't talk
about people behind their backs.Copy !req
286. Hi.Copy !req
287. Go away.Copy !req
288. Rude.Copy !req
289. Down. Down.Copy !req
290. Boom, right there.Copy !req
291. God, these flower
arrangements.Copy !req
292. You people are savages!Copy !req
293. Just excited.Copy !req
294. Wait, you're putting
spoons in those.Copy !req
295. It's just knives and forks.Copy !req
296. Why am I even doing this?Copy !req
297. I still have to get the menus
from the printer,Copy !req
298. go to the cony island
beet market.Copy !req
299. I've gotta pick up
Yakov Smirnov at the airport.Copy !req
300. That's enough foil, Gus.Copy !req
301. Jack, it's been a year
that we prayedCopy !req
302. for this... restaurant opening,Copy !req
303. and I should just feel
excited and relieved, but...Copy !req
304. It's complicated.Copy !req
305. When you open a restaurant
with your mother in law.Copy !req
306. Everyone knows you're not
talking about the restaurant.Copy !req
307. You're talking
about electricity.Copy !req
308. Thank you, Gus.Copy !req
309. There's the gang!Copy !req
310. Virginia.Copy !req
311. It's aunt Jenna.Copy !req
312. Look.Copy !req
313. I heard what Liz
said about you,Copy !req
314. and I just have to sayCopy !req
315. that I have known Liz
a long, long, long timeCopy !req
316. and she's totally shady.Copy !req
317. My God!
You are hilarious.Copy !req
318. Do you act?Copy !req
319. Because we should
do a movie togetherCopy !req
320. where we're on a road trip
just being sluts.Copy !req
321. High five.Copy !req
322. No, I don't care
that the others went toCopy !req
323. Pierre Batalini salon
without me.Copy !req
324. It's not a feud, I just...Copy !req
325. I've never spent much time
with babies, okay?Copy !req
326. And... what if I'm bad at it?Copy !req
327. This is good TV.Copy !req
328. I would watch this.Copy !req
329. I would feel for Liz.Copy !req
330. Isn't this usually a bathroom?Copy !req
331. No, Tray, it's usually
Lutz's office.Copy !req
332. I see.Copy !req
333. I think I just solved the
mystery of the phantom pooper.Copy !req
334. What's wrong, L.L.?Copy !req
335. You look like Angie when
I tell her I wanna retireCopy !req
336. and live in an old lighthouse.Copy !req
337. It's just D'Fwan
and everybodyCopy !req
338. are saying that I'm
in a fight with Virginia,Copy !req
339. which is idiotic,
because she's a baby.Copy !req
340. Maybe it's just that children
in general don't like you.Copy !req
341. Thank you, Tracy.Copy !req
342. I am dealing
with something real here,Copy !req
343. but all anyone wants to do
on these dumb showsCopy !req
344. is fight and scream
and throw things.Copy !req
345. I wouldn't know.
I really don't watch TV.Copy !req
346. I'm more of a masturbator.Copy !req
347. Well I'm about to get
original on you, Tracy.Copy !req
348. There is no such thing as
reality on reality television.Copy !req
349. You're happy now America?Copy !req
350. No.Copy !req
351. Yes.Copy !req
352. Welcome to Rus.Copy !req
353. This evening, we're serving
all the Pierogis Costco hadCopy !req
354. and then burger king.Copy !req
355. That's a sharp look,
Kenneth.Copy !req
356. Thank you, sir, but I can't
take all the credit.Copy !req
357. Everything I know about
fashion, I learnedCopy !req
358. from my old college roommate,
John Mark Karr.Copy !req
359. Right this way.Copy !req
360. For God's sake.Copy !req
361. You've got a lot of nerve
coming here.Copy !req
362. You know this is
Virginia's night.Copy !req
363. You have no class,Copy !req
364. you prostitution whore.Copy !req
365. What are you talking about?Copy !req
366. I'm hitching my wagon
to Virginia's star.Copy !req
367. Trying to get
a little camera tiempo.Copy !req
368. Jenna, you've had cameras
following you around all day.Copy !req
369. You're a star now.Copy !req
370. They want you on the show.Copy !req
371. They want me.Copy !req
372. Which means
I'm too good for this crap.Copy !req
373. Like when I sang at that
children's hospital.Copy !req
374. Get away from me,
I'm revoking my waiver.Copy !req
375. Now blur my face.Copy !req
376. Blur it more.Copy !req
377. More.Copy !req
378. Now disguise my voice.Copy !req
379. Thank you, gays.Copy !req
380. Yes.Copy !req
381. Excuse me, do you know where
the indoor outhouse is?Copy !req
382. Is my fashion show ruining
Jack's party?Copy !req
383. Don't worry.Copy !req
384. Nobody's even noticing it.Copy !req
385. There's so much other
stuff going on.Copy !req
386. And it's not just Mr. Donaghy
and this oriental matter.Copy !req
387. There's the feud between Ms.
Lemon and baby Virginia,Copy !req
388. the drama between me and that
cord I tripped on.Copy !req
389. Watch it.Copy !req
390. I'm sorry, sir.Copy !req
391. I shouldn't have
lost my temper.Copy !req
392. My damn husband
better show up.Copy !req
393. Disaster.Copy !req
394. Deandra "I didn't know
I was pregnant"-ed.Copy !req
395. Who's gonna wear this now?Copy !req
396. Size 12,
that's what I am.Copy !req
397. I was
my grandmother's favoriteCopy !req
398. so I got all her old
hand-me-downs.Copy !req
399. What a rush!Copy !req
400. You were horrible.Copy !req
401. That's the last dress.Copy !req
402. Tracy didn't even do anything.Copy !req
403. He didn't even show up.Copy !req
404. I'm gonna kill that man.Copy !req
405. What's cocaine like?Copy !req
406. - What was that?
- Damn, you two.Copy !req
407. Avery's coming back
from North Korea.Copy !req
408. Portia reads the papers.Copy !req
409. I hate that
that's my catchphrase.Copy !req
410. What was that?Copy !req
411. That was nothing.Copy !req
412. I mean Jack's like that
with everybody.Copy !req
413. He's a kisser.Copy !req
414. Right, Jack?Copy !req
415. Of course.Copy !req
416. It's European.Copy !req
417. If you don't kiss someone,
they're offended.Copy !req
418. Very good,
nice seeing you, Lemon.Copy !req
419. Jack, D'Fwan hasn't
said "hi" yet.Copy !req
420. Honey, what was that?Copy !req
421. Okay, Liz, I don't know
what she's talking about.Copy !req
422. But Virginia said she knows
what you just did for Jack.Copy !req
423. She misjudged you,
and she would like a hug.Copy !req
424. The feud's over.Copy !req
425. It's all good.Copy !req
426. Now I'm just looking
forward to this trip.Copy !req
427. Because Virginia loves her
little giraffe so much,Copy !req
428. the show is sending us on
a girls' getaway to Somalia!Copy !req
429. I hope you're at peace
with your God, Tracy Jordan.Copy !req
430. Because you are about
to meet your maker.Copy !req
431. Honey, you seem upset.Copy !req
432. I spent the last 20 years
supporting you.Copy !req
433. I had three of your children.Copy !req
434. I gave you a kidney,
a kneecap and a bladder.Copy !req
435. But I ask you to do one thing
and you can't do it.Copy !req
436. All I wanted was a standing
ovation and for people to tweetCopy !req
437. that I was the new icon
for black womanhoodCopy !req
438. and then for me to tweet
"why just black womanhood?"Copy !req
439. Instead, I got nothing.Copy !req
440. I might as well be Daphne.Copy !req
441. Who?Copy !req
442. I'm Daphne.Copy !req
443. I handle conflict
appropriately,Copy !req
444. and I'm up to date on
my mortgage payments.Copy !req
445. No, I turned what was
supposed to beCopy !req
446. a boring romantic evening
into a gigantic fightCopy !req
447. in front of
all these cameras.Copy !req
448. Yes.Copy !req
449. How inconsiderate of you to
cause all this dramaCopy !req
450. and start this riveting fight.Copy !req
451. Our celebrity marriage
is on a breakup collapse.Copy !req
452. We're a train wreck you cannot
look away from!Copy !req
453. I can't stand
the sight of you.Copy !req
454. My love tank is empty!Copy !req
455. Yah!Copy !req
456. Lizard egg!Copy !req
457. I want a divorce or whatever.Copy !req
458. It will be contentiousCopy !req
459. and last
all through next season.Copy !req
460. I'm cheating on you!Copy !req
461. Rude!Copy !req
462. Next week on Queen of Jordan...Copy !req
463. I was in the neighborhood.Copy !req
464. I thought I'd pop up
and say hello.Copy !req
465. For God sakes, D'Fwan,
I'm working.Copy !req
466. Fine. Come here.Copy !req
467. You again?Copy !req
468. I am so sorry.
Different cord.Copy !req
469. You were two hours late,
you stole all my hangersCopy !req
470. and, yeah, I'm drunk.Copy !req
471. I'm on vacation.Copy !req