1. Liz!
Liz Lemon!Copy !req
2. It's me, Thad.
From college.Copy !req
3. I've had my skin tags removedCopy !req
4. since then so you can
see my eyes now.Copy !req
5. You ran the light board
at the theater.Copy !req
6. Everyone called you... Thad,
no nickname.Copy !req
7. And you, you were the star
The Sound of Music.Copy !req
8. Thank you, no everyone thinks
of the young Nazi boyCopy !req
9. as the star of that show.Copy !req
10. A lot of people didn't
realize that wasCopy !req
11. the free, unlicensed version.Copy !req
12. Look, I know it's last
minute, but I'm havingCopy !req
13. an epic Leap Day party
this afternoon.Copy !req
14. A daytime party
celebrating Leap Day.Copy !req
15. Sounds fun, but I have to work.Copy !req
16. Hey, Liz, new Bluetooth?Copy !req
17. No, I'm talking to someone.Copy !req
18. I'm sorry.Copy !req
19. I don't see people
that look like that.Copy !req
20. Sorry.Copy !req
21. That was this creep
I went to college with.Copy !req
22. Such a nerd.Copy !req
23. And this is coming from
someone who wrote lyricsCopy !req
24. to the song the cantina
band playsin Star Wars.Copy !req
25. But, at least I don't
throw Leap Day parties.Copy !req
26. Wait, that was Thad Warmald,
the billionaire?Copy !req
27. No, that was sad Thad
the skintag lad.Copy !req
28. I coined that.Copy !req
29. That name has been all overCopy !req
30. the gold digger message
boards lately.Copy !req
31. I don't know a lot
about business,Copy !req
32. but he did an Internet and
now the computers like himCopy !req
33. and Wall Street is Google.Copy !req
34. My God.Copy !req
35. We are going to this party and
you're introducing me to Thad.Copy !req
36. Liz, I'm on a sexual
walkabout right now.Copy !req
37. I need to know if anything canCopy !req
38. make me happier
than being with Paul.Copy !req
39. And maybe $20 billion
would do it.Copy !req
40. What? How much
Internet did he do?Copy !req
41. Poke your eye, pull your hair,
you forgot what clothes to wear.Copy !req
42. So what?
Leap Day is not a thing.Copy !req
43. What the crap
is going on in here?Copy !req
44. Why, Leap Day
William is visiting.Copy !req
45. Leap Day William?Copy !req
46. Miss Lemon, did you
not grow upCopy !req
47. with Leap Day William?Copy !req
48. He lives
in the Mariana trench.Copy !req
49. He emerges every four yearsCopy !req
50. to trade children's
tears for candy?Copy !req
51. What? No.Copy !req
52. But white haven was
founded by the amish,Copy !req
53. and we really only celebrated
their holidays.Copy !req
54. After high school,
I went on rumspringa.Copy !req
55. It was crazy.Copy !req
56. I totally snuck into
The Witches of Eastwick.Copy !req
57. But where were you when
we did this four years ago?Copy !req
58. Certainly not at a Michael's
crafts crafting cruise.Copy !req
59. Miss Lemon,
you are missing out.Copy !req
60. Every four years, you get
a magical extra day.Copy !req
61. A day to do the things you
ordinarily wouldn't do.Copy !req
62. To take chances!Copy !req
63. For instance, I am wearingCopy !req
64. a braided necklace with
a shark's tooth on it.Copy !req
65. I listened to rap music
for the first time.Copy !req
66. Not a fan.Copy !req
67. And you and I
are going to a partyCopy !req
68. thrown by a billionaire.Copy !req
69. Come on, take a leap, Liz.Copy !req
70. Okay, fine, I'll go, but
if he has a giant chandelierCopy !req
71. in his house, I'm out.Copy !req
72. Those things fall.Copy !req
73. Waah, waah.Copy !req
74. 30 ROCK
S06 Ep09 - Leap DayCopy !req
75. Happy Leap Day, Lemon.Copy !req
76. - Help yourself to some rhubarb.
- Rhubarb?Copy !req
77. Is white haven the only city
in AmericaCopy !req
78. that doesn't celebrate Leap Day?Copy !req
79. It's not such a big deal
in Boston, either.Copy !req
80. Just a Leap Day William parade,
citywide ice mazeCopy !req
81. and, uh, we don't poke you
in the eyeCopy !req
82. if you're not
wearing yellow and blue.Copy !req
83. We just, uh, stomp on your foot.-Copy !req
84. Kick you in the knee,
Yankees suck, go pats.Copy !req
85. I can't believe
the woman who watchesCopy !req
86. all six
pawn shop reality showsCopy !req
87. has never seen the movie,
Leap Dave Williams.Copy !req
88. I'm sorry,
is Leap Dave WilliamsCopy !req
89. a play on Leap Day William?Copy !req
90. It's a classic.
Uptight lawyer Dave WilliamsCopy !req
91. turns into the real
Leap Day WilliamCopy !req
92. after an ice fishing trip
gone awry.Copy !req
93. USA runs an all day marathon.Copy !req
94. Dave, is everything all right?Copy !req
95. I definitely don't have gills.Copy !req
96. I mean, nothing.Copy !req
97. I mean, yes.Copy !req
98. Oh, my God, that's what Chris
kept quoting this morningCopy !req
99. during our love... making.Copy !req
100. New assistant
reporting for duty.Copy !req
101. Kenneth's filling in.Copy !req
102. Gabe's got the weak off.Copy !req
103. He's a mormon.Copy !req
104. You know how they are
about Leap Day.Copy !req
105. No, I don't, I don't know th...Copy !req
106. Fine, I didn't wanna
have to do this,Copy !req
107. but I am wearing
yellow and blue.Copy !req
108. Kenneth, I'm hoping to find
you a permanent positionCopy !req
109. here at the company, but it's
hard to take you seriouslyCopy !req
110. when you're dressed like that.Copy !req
111. I'm sorry, sir.Copy !req
112. I just get so excited
spreading holiday cheer.Copy !req
113. Well, certainly you remember
the joy that fillsCopy !req
114. a young boy's heart
on the day of leap.Copy !req
115. Don't get me wrong,
I love this holiday.Copy !req
116. But do you know why?Copy !req
117. Sir, I never know why.Copy !req
118. Because it's an extra day
to do business.Copy !req
119. A bonus profit opportunity.Copy !req
120. I have a bet with my business
school roommatesCopy !req
121. every four years to seeCopy !req
122. who can make the most money
on Leap Day.Copy !req
123. And that is why I am announcing
today that cable town isCopy !req
124. purchasing Xaro,
the 3-D Internet company.Copy !req
125. It'll be like those Bible
quotes are right in your face.Copy !req
126. Yes, now take off
that bald cap, Kenneth.Copy !req
127. We have a lot of work to do.Copy !req
128. Of course,
take off my bald cap.Copy !req
129. Not put on my wig.Copy !req
130. Well, he's definitely rich.Copy !req
131. Look how lame this crowd is.Copy !req
132. Thad's been in his little
nerd world for so longCopy !req
133. and now he's peeping out
of his shell like a... um,Copy !req
134. oh, what's that animal?Copy !req
135. You know, the one that crosses
so slowly across the roadCopy !req
136. and then you swerve to make sure
you hit it and then a carCopy !req
137. coming the other way swerves to
avoid you and goes off a cliff.Copy !req
138. And then that night you and your
companion have the greatest sexCopy !req
139. of your lives because
you're both sharing a secret.Copy !req
140. - It's a turtle, Jenna.
- Yes, he's a turtle.Copy !req
141. And he's coming out of his shellCopy !req
142. for the first time.Copy !req
143. And when he does,
he's gonna see this.Copy !req
144. We really gotta get all
the furniture out of here?Copy !req
145. My aquarium guy's
coming to see aboutCopy !req
146. turning this whole room
into an aquarium.Copy !req
147. Who's really in the aquarium?Copy !req
148. The fish or us?Copy !req
149. Greetings, coworkers.Copy !req
150. Mr. Donaghy would
like to inform you that,Copy !req
151. "unfortunately due to the Obama
worldwide recession,Copy !req
152. "there will be no Leap Day
bonuses this year.Copy !req
153. "Mean laughter, sound of
a drink being poured.Copy !req
154. "What are you writing now,
you slack-jawed donkey?Copy !req
155. What are all
these letters, tray?Copy !req
156. It's just fan mail.Copy !req
157. I mean, would you read
a bunch of lettersCopy !req
158. from people
who look up to me?Copy !req
159. A $50,000 benihana gift card?Copy !req
160. Right, I did
an ad and insisted onCopy !req
161. being paid in beni bucks.Copy !req
162. No sir, this card is only
good through February 2012.Copy !req
163. Any other year
it'd be march already.Copy !req
164. But we found it today!Copy !req
165. It's a Leap Day miracle!Copy !req
166. Gentlemen, we have
one day to eatCopy !req
167. $50,000 worth of Japanese food.Copy !req
168. That's impossible.Copy !req
169. Nothing's impossible
on Leap Day.Copy !req
170. It's like I said in my cameoCopy !req
171. appearance in
Leap Dave Williams,Copy !req
172. "gimme your wallet, old man!"Copy !req
173. Ladies and gentlemen,
I want to introduce youCopy !req
174. to the future of Kabletown,Copy !req
175. the future of web-browsing,Copy !req
176. and, quite frankly,
the future.Copy !req
177. Welcome to the age
of 3-D Internet.Copy !req
178. Following an unintentionally
racist press conference...Copy !req
179. Help us to "Whip"
the competition.Copy !req
180. Kabletown shares
down sharply...Copy !req
181. Careful, sir,
those leaves are poisonous.Copy !req
182. You know the saying,
"rhubarb red, eat away,Copy !req
183. rhubarb green,
don't eat them."Copy !req
184. Kenneth, I've watched newt
gingrich eat a plate of ribs.Copy !req
185. I think my stomach can handle
some rhubarb leaves.Copy !req
186. Do you have any idea how long
you'll be needing me today?Copy !req
187. One of my birds is sickCopy !req
188. and I want to get home
in time to baptize her.Copy !req
189. We're both staying here until
I come up with an ideaCopy !req
190. to turn this day around.Copy !req
191. Now, would you watch
a television show...Copy !req
192. And I'm just
spitballing here...Copy !req
193. Called spitball?Copy !req
194. Sir, Rebecca Birdstein
needs me.Copy !req
195. Kenneth, we all have
to make sacrifices.Copy !req
196. Watch this.Copy !req
197. Sherry, I'm afraid something
has come up at workCopy !req
198. and you'll have to
stay late with Liddy.Copy !req
199. Just dab some scotch on
your neck and make your eyesCopy !req
200. the color of a winter crystal
so she'll think you're me.Copy !req
201. Thank you Sherry.Copy !req
202. Good night.Copy !req
203. How many rooms are in...Copy !req
204. It's my, uh, d&d room.Copy !req
205. The gaming table comes up
out of the floor.Copy !req
206. Table!Copy !req
207. Frak, I'm supposed to say
"floor" first.Copy !req
208. Forget it, damn it!Copy !req
209. - This is all for you, Liz.
- What?Copy !req
210. I have been in love with you
since college.Copy !req
211. Watching you every
night on that stageCopy !req
212. and realizing my dad was wrong.Copy !req
213. I do like girls.Copy !req
214. Oh, boy. Okay.Copy !req
215. The party, the New York
apartment, everything.Copy !req
216. Do you know why I spun off Xaro
and sold it to Kabletown?Copy !req
217. Just so I could
accidentally run into you.Copy !req
218. That is why it's called Xaro.Copy !req
219. In Game of Thrones, Xaro
is a rich merchant princeCopy !req
220. who wishes to acquaint himself
with the mother of dragons.Copy !req
221. Great, well... Scooby Doo!Copy !req
222. Liz, wait!
$10 million!Copy !req
223. I want you
to take my virginityCopy !req
224. on leap nightCopy !req
225. for $10 million.Copy !req
226. Fine, 20.Copy !req
227. - No, Thad, I...
- Don't answer yet.Copy !req
228. I mean, okay, unless you
were gonna say yes.Copy !req
229. - No, you heard me say no.
- Don't answer yet.Copy !req
230. Don't answer yet.Copy !req
231. Come... ... on.Copy !req
232. Son of a glub.Copy !req
233. Mr. Jordan, you'll never
spend all this by midnight.Copy !req
234. You appeared in
that ad for nothing.Copy !req
235. Well the joke's
on you because thatCopy !req
236. commercial never aired
for unexplained reasons.Copy !req
237. I just touched the table again.Copy !req
238. God, you call for help!Copy !req
239. I'll just put my head on
the table for a second.Copy !req
240. Now let's get started, bring us
a bottle of your finest wine.Copy !req
241. Of course, Mr. Jordan.Copy !req
242. That will be $12.Copy !req
243. Hey, Liz.
I can't find Thad.Copy !req
244. Thad just
indecentproposal-ed me.Copy !req
245. One night, $20 million.Copy !req
246. Oh, my God, that's
the gold digger's dream.Copy !req
247. - Where is he?
- No, Jenna.Copy !req
248. You don't understand.Copy !req
249. He's been in love
with me since college.Copy !req
250. He only wants me.Copy !req
251. And you're still here.Copy !req
252. You're considering it.Copy !req
253. Liz, you know you're
not doing this.Copy !req
254. I'm on a sexual walkabout.Copy !req
255. But you're a nice girl
with a live-in boyfriend.Copy !req
256. Honey, I'm about to do
something pretty... crazy.Copy !req
257. You should.Copy !req
258. It's Leap Day.
Real life is for march.Copy !req
259. No, just hear me out.Copy !req
260. - Because if this doesn't work...
- It doesn't matter.Copy !req
261. Nothing that happens on
Leap Day counts.Copy !req
262. Nothing that happens
on Leap Day counts.Copy !req
263. Well, then, here goes nothing.Copy !req
264. Hey, Liz, what's up?Copy !req
265. Criss, I'm about to do
something pretty crazy.Copy !req
266. You should, it's Leap Day.Copy !req
267. - Real life is for march.
- Oh, boy.Copy !req
268. No, hear me out, because this
could really ruin...Copy !req
269. No, it doesn't matter.Copy !req
270. Nothing that happens
on Leap Day counts.Copy !req
271. Hey, listen, I gotta run,Copy !req
272. but whatever it is,
go for it.Copy !req
273. My.Copy !req
274. It looks like we've got
a slut-off on our hands.Copy !req
275. We've only spent $6000.Copy !req
276. We should just give up.Copy !req
277. - Never.
- We can't keep eating!Copy !req
278. Lutz's shirt button popped off
and hit Cerie.Copy !req
279. It counts as us touching.Copy !req
280. This is important.Copy !req
281. Everybody's always telling meCopy !req
282. not to get paid in gift cards.Copy !req
283. Angie, my lawyer,
my imaginary friend, Dotcom.Copy !req
284. Tray, I'm real.Copy !req
285. I moved your furniture.Copy !req
286. And, yeah, Leap Day has
become too commercial.Copy !req
287. And people have forgotten
what it really means,Copy !req
288. but I remember.Copy !req
289. One Leap Day when I was a kid,
the Harlem River froze,Copy !req
290. and I decided to cross it
carrying my brick collection.Copy !req
291. I told him not to.Copy !req
292. No one can hear you, Dotcom.Copy !req
293. Then I fell through the ice.Copy !req
294. They still don't know
who pulled me out.Copy !req
295. I did.Copy !req
296. Charlie Rangel gave me a medal.Copy !req
297. I like to think it was
Leap Day William.Copy !req
298. You really believe
in Leap Day William?Copy !req
299. I used to.Copy !req
300. Then I tried to eat
all this benihana.Copy !req
301. Now I don't know anymore.Copy !req
302. I gotta take a walk.Copy !req
303. Do some thinking.Copy !req
304. But I can explain.Copy !req
305. I'm Leap Day Williams!Copy !req
306. No, really!Copy !req
307. Please, believe me.Copy !req
308. Have a little faith.Copy !req
309. Boy.Copy !req
310. I'm getting sleepy.Copy !req
311. You're famous.Copy !req
312. I have screen grabs of
all your nip s.Copy !req
313. You know what, Thad?
I was trying to remember.Copy !req
314. What was the dance that Rolf
did for Liesl?Copy !req
315. Did it go like this?Copy !req
316. Yes.Copy !req
317. That's it.Copy !req
318. That's how Rolf danced.Copy !req
319. Why don't you go and get me
and Liz some drinks?Copy !req
320. Very well.Copy !req
321. Liz, a moment, please?Copy !req
322. If you're really gonna do this,
you better get a move on.Copy !req
323. Right now, there are
models waking upCopy !req
324. from their coke binges,
multi-ethnic bartendersCopy !req
325. with daddy issues, former
ballerinas who had to quitCopy !req
326. because their boobs
got too big.Copy !req
327. They're gonna hear about
the horny billionaire,Copy !req
328. and Thad's gonna forget all
about his little crush.Copy !req
329. They're coming Liz.
Click click.Copy !req
330. That's their stilettos.Copy !req
331. Click click.Copy !req
332. Sir?Copy !req
333. Sir, you don't look so good.Copy !req
334. You shouldn't have eaten
those rhubarb leaves.Copy !req
335. I can't be sick.Copy !req
336. I won't lose money
on Leap Day.Copy !req
337. I'm just gonna rest a second.Copy !req
338. Please get better, sir.Copy !req
339. I've dug too many graves.Copy !req
340. Why the long face, son?Copy !req
341. I do have a long,
elegant face, thank you,Copy !req
342. but I can't enjoy your
compliment, because I'm sad.Copy !req
343. I'm starting to think Leap Day
William isn't even real.Copy !req
344. I reckon you may be right.Copy !req
345. Leap Day William's probably
just a tall tale told to kidsCopy !req
346. to help sell candy.Copy !req
347. But this old fool
still believes he exists,Copy !req
348. right here, inside all of us.Copy !req
349. I am always coughing up blood.Copy !req
350. Could that be Leap Day William
trying to get out?Copy !req
351. Might could be, but I think if
he were here right now,Copy !req
352. Leap Day William would tell youCopy !req
353. everything's gonna
be all right, Tracy,Copy !req
354. as long as you remember
where you come from.Copy !req
355. Thanks.Copy !req
356. Nice costume, by the way.Copy !req
357. Right, costume.Copy !req
358. So, what should we do now?Copy !req
359. Stop pressuring me.Copy !req
360. What are you?
An intercourse monster?Copy !req
361. I'm sorry.
I'm nervous.Copy !req
362. Is sex like when the Na'vi
intertwine their hair braids?Copy !req
363. Sure.Copy !req
364. Yeah, Thad, that's exactly
what it's like.Copy !req
365. Okay, look, if we're
gonna do this,Copy !req
366. we kinda need to do it now,
okay, before...Copy !req
367. No.Copy !req
368. Aw, damn it.
Hot bitches.Copy !req
369. Wake up, sir!Copy !req
370. Wake up.Copy !req
371. What is this?Copy !req
372. Kenneth, is that me?Copy !req
373. I'm not Kenneth.Copy !req
374. I'm the spirit of Leap Day.Copy !req
375. Welcome to your Leap Day past.Copy !req
376. Jackie, we can't go
to the parade today.Copy !req
377. I got called into work... at the
hospital... where I'm a nurse.Copy !req
378. Why are you showing me this?Copy !req
379. This is the kind of adversityCopy !req
380. that made me the man
I am today.Copy !req
381. Good. Cry.Copy !req
382. Let your sadness
form a hole inside youCopy !req
383. that can only
be filled with money.Copy !req
384. Of course we're going to
the parade today, Jackie.Copy !req
385. But you can't have
candy and cigarettesCopy !req
386. without a few tears first.Copy !req
387. How did I forget this part?Copy !req
388. And when did we stop giving
children cigarettes?Copy !req
389. It's the liberal war
on Leap Day.Copy !req
390. It's time to go,
Mr. Donaghy.Copy !req
391. Welcome to Leap Day present.Copy !req
392. Okay, I'll change
me eye color,Copy !req
393. but it seem like
a waste of voodoo.Copy !req
394. Good night, Mr. Donaghy.Copy !req
395. Sorry, baby.Copy !req
396. Daddy not coming home
tonight because of work.Copy !req
397. It's a good lesson.Copy !req
398. This will help her in life.Copy !req
399. Are you sure?Copy !req
400. Welcome to the future.Copy !req
401. Five leap days from now.Copy !req
402. That's Liddy.Copy !req
403. I assume this
is her horse stableCopy !req
404. and that she's hammering
that nail as a funny joke.Copy !req
405. No, Mr. Donaghy.Copy !req
406. She's doing habitat
for humanity.Copy !req
407. After you missed
all her leap days,Copy !req
408. she started experimenting
with liberalism.Copy !req
409. That's not her.
It can't be.Copy !req
410. What have you done
with my daughter?Copy !req
411. Where is Liddy?Copy !req
412. She's at home, sir.Copy !req
413. With the nanny.Copy !req
414. There's still time.Copy !req
415. Kenneth, I want you
to go to citarellaCopy !req
416. and buy the biggest
rhubarb there is.Copy !req
417. The one that's
as big as me, sir?Copy !req
418. That's the one.Copy !req
419. But first, you take Rebecca
Birdstein to the vet.Copy !req
420. What a Mitzvah.Copy !req
421. Merry Leap Day, sir.Copy !req
422. Merry Leap Day to us all!Copy !req
423. Liz, why don't you go and...Copy !req
424. Get you and Karolina
some drinks?Copy !req
425. Okay, fine.Copy !req
426. Looks like this time the male
will be in the Czech.Copy !req
427. That kind of wit is a thing
she will never give you.Copy !req
428. Hey, Liz, a gym teacher on
a sex tour of Indonesia called.Copy !req
429. He wants his shirt back.Copy !req
430. Okay, that's solid, Kurkova.Copy !req
431. That's a good burn.Copy !req
432. What was that old man
trying to tell me?Copy !req
433. What am I gonna do with
all this free food?Copy !req
434. Remember where I came from.Copy !req
435. But we all came from the sea.
Sea?Copy !req
436. Like the letter "C",
which is part of the alphabet.Copy !req
437. Alphabet soup.Copy !req
438. Soup kitchen.Copy !req
439. - Kitchen...
- No, no, don't keep going.Copy !req
440. The kitchen debate
with Richard Nixon.Copy !req
441. Richard M. Nixon.Copy !req
442. The M-train.Copy !req
443. Soul train.Copy !req
444. Chicken soup for the soul.Copy !req
445. Chicken soup.Copy !req
446. Soup kitchen.Copy !req
447. This is a Leap Day miracle!Copy !req
448. Merry Leap Day, tourists.Copy !req
449. Merry Leap Day, closeted gay
guys meeting in the city.Copy !req
450. Really?Copy !req
451. Seriously 20 million bucks?Copy !req
452. I would sleep
with Thad Warmald for that.Copy !req
453. Couldn't go through with it.Copy !req
454. You know, I just kept
seeing your face.Copy !req
455. Also, I have too much dignity.Copy !req
456. So another woman?Copy !req
457. Victoria's secret model.Copy !req
458. Feast, homeless, feast!Copy !req
459. I saved Leap Day!Copy !req
460. And connected with my son!Copy !req
461. And I solved the big case
from earlier!Copy !req
462. Merry Leap Day, everybody!Copy !req
463. Hey!
Take a leap, pal!Copy !req
464. That's the spirit!Copy !req
465. Happy Leap Day,
sweetheart.Copy !req
466. Yes!Copy !req
467. Well, I guess we all
learned something tonightCopy !req
468. about love and friendship,Copy !req
469. about taking chances,Copy !req
470. about the true
meaning of Leap Day.Copy !req
471. But, these lessons aren't good
just for every four years.Copy !req
472. No. They're good
every year.Copy !req
473. Because we should live
every dayCopy !req
474. as if it's Leap Day,
and every Leap DayCopy !req
475. as if it's your last.Copy !req
476. And if you should ever see
an old man in a blue suitCopy !req
477. busting out of the middle
of the ocean,Copy !req
478. take the time to say howdy.Copy !req
479. It might just be
worth your while.Copy !req