1. Right, Baldrick.
Let's try again, shall we?Copy !req
2. This is called "adding".Copy !req
3. If I have two beans,Copy !req
4. and then, I add two more beans,
what do I have?Copy !req
5. Some beans.Copy !req
6. Yes, and no.Copy !req
7. Let's try again, shall we?
I have two beans,Copy !req
8. then I add two more beans.
What does that make?Copy !req
9. A very small casserole.Copy !req
10. Baldrick, the ape creatures
of the Indus have mastered this.Copy !req
11. Now, try again.Copy !req
12. One, two, three, four!
50, how many are there?Copy !req
13. - Three.
- What?Copy !req
14. And that one.Copy !req
15. Three and that one!Copy !req
16. So, if I add that one to the three,
what will I have?Copy !req
17. Oh! Some beans.Copy !req
18. Yes. Dear Bald rick,Copy !req
19. the Renaissance was just somethingCopy !req
20. that happened to other people,
wasn't it?Copy !req
21. Edmund, Edmund, come quickly,
the Queen wants to see you!Copy !req
22. - What?
- I said, "Edmund, Edmund come quickly,"Copy !req
23. - "the Queen wants..."
- Please, let me finish!Copy !req
24. What are you wearing round your neck?Copy !req
25. Ah! It's my new ruff!Copy !req
26. You look like a bird
who's swallowed a plate, Percy.Copy !req
27. It's the latest fashion, actually.
And, as a matter of fact,Copy !req
28. it makes me look rather sexy.Copy !req
29. To another plate-swallowing bird,
perhaps,Copy !req
30. if it was blind
and hadn't had it in months.Copy !req
31. I think you may be wrong.Copy !req
32. You're a sad laughable figure,
aren't you, Percy?Copy !req
33. What do you think
of Percy's ruff, Baldrick?Copy !req
34. - Four.
- What?Copy !req
35. Some beans and some beans is four beans.Copy !req
36. No. No, we've moved
from advanced mathematics,Copy !req
37. we're onto elementary dressmaking.Copy !req
38. What do you think of Percy's ruff?Copy !req
39. I think he looks like a bird
who's swallowed a plate, my lord.Copy !req
40. No, that's what I think,
that's what I think.Copy !req
41. What do you think? Try to have
a thought of your own, Baldrick.Copy !req
42. Thinking is so important.
What do you think?Copy !req
43. I think
thinking is so important, my lord.Copy !req
44. I give up!Copy !req
45. - I'm off to see the Queen.
- Oh, shall I come too, my lord?Copy !req
46. No, best not.
People might think we're friends.Copy !req
47. Stay here with Baldrick.Copy !req
48. Bird-neck and bird-brain.
Should get on like a house on fire.Copy !req
49. Grey, I suspect, Majesty.Copy !req
50. I think you'll find
it was orange, Lord Melchett!Copy !req
51. Grey is more usual, ma'am.Copy !req
52. Who's Queen?Copy !req
53. As you say, Majesty, there were these
magnificent orange elephants...Copy !req
54. Milady, you wished to see me?Copy !req
55. Yes, Edmund, Lord Melchett has bad news.Copy !req
56. Lord Melchett is bad news, milady.Copy !req
57. No, be serious!Copy !req
58. Melchett!Copy !req
59. Unhappily, Blackadder,
the Lord High ExecutionerCopy !req
60. is dead.Copy !req
61. Oh, woe.Copy !req
62. Murdered, of course?Copy !req
63. Oddly enough, no.
They usually are, but this oneCopy !req
64. just got careless one nightCopy !req
65. and signed his name
on the wrong dotted line.Copy !req
66. They came for him while he slept.Copy !req
67. He should have told them
they had the wrong man.Copy !req
68. He did, but, you see, they didn't.Copy !req
69. They had the right man
and they had the form to prove it.Copy !req
70. Bloody red tape, eh?Copy !req
71. And the bad news?Copy !req
72. The bad news is that, actually,
there are simply hundreds of CatholicsCopy !req
73. who desperately want
their heads snicked offCopy !req
74. and there's no one to organise it.Copy !req
75. Well, I pity the poor sod
who gets the job.Copy !req
76. No one ever survives it
more than a week.Copy !req
77. I have taken the liberty, ma'am,Copy !req
78. of drawing up a list
of suitable candidates.Copy !req
79. Oh, good, oh! Let's hear it!Copy !req
80. List for the post
of Lord High Executioner.Copy !req
81. Lord Blackadder...Copy !req
82. Ha!Copy !req
83. Right then, let's take a look, shall we?Copy !req
84. Who's first into the head basket then?Copy !req
85. Admiral Lord Effingham
and Sir Francis Drake on Monday.Copy !req
86. - That should draw a crowd.
- Hmm?Copy !req
87. Well, sailing enthusiasts.Copy !req
88. Oh, yes! Better make sureCopy !req
89. there's a few anchors and things
on the souvenir stall.Copy !req
90. Aye-aye, sir.Copy !req
91. Never, ever try to be funny
in my presence again, Percy.Copy !req
92. Right, Buckingham and Ponsonby
on Friday.Copy !req
93. Oh, wait a minute, Farrow on Wednesday?Copy !req
94. Who's Farrow when he's not
having his head cut off?Copy !req
95. Er, James Farrow.
Pleasant bloke from Dorchester.Copy !req
96. Don't know him. Never will, either.Copy !req
97. - Yes, and he goes on Wednesday.
- Hmm.Copy !req
98. It's not right, though, is it?Copy !req
99. Well, no! I mean,
now you come to mention it, my lord,Copy !req
100. there was absolutely no evidence
against young Farrow at all!Copy !req
101. It's was an outrageous
travesty of justice!Copy !req
102. No! I mean it's not right
he should be on WednesdayCopy !req
103. when we could stick him in on Monday
and have half the week off.Copy !req
104. - Oh, I see. Yes, that's fine.
- Pop him in on Monday.Copy !req
105. Right. Good.
Five dead in two days. Not a bad start.Copy !req
106. Oh, yes, Percy, and the new ruff...Copy !req
107. - Better?
- Worse.Copy !req
108. Fashion today is towards the tiny.Copy !req
109. Well, in that case, Percy, you have
the most fashionable brain in London.Copy !req
110. Right, good morning, team.Copy !req
111. My name is Edmund BlackadderCopy !req
112. and I'm the new minister
in charge of religious genocide.Copy !req
113. Now, if you play straight with me,
you'll find me a considerate employer.Copy !req
114. But cross me, and you'll soon discoverCopy !req
115. that under this playful,
boyish exterior,Copy !req
116. beats the heart of a ruthless,
sadistic maniac.Copy !req
117. - Now, my man, you are?
- Jailer, sir. My lord.Copy !req
118. Good. Well done. And your name is?Copy !req
119. Ploppy, sir.Copy !req
120. - Ploppy?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
121. - Ploppy the jailer.
- That's right, sir.Copy !req
122. Ploppy, son of Ploppy.Copy !req
123. Ploppy, son of Ploppy, the jailer.Copy !req
124. Ah, no, sir. I am the first Ploppy
to rise to be jailer.Copy !req
125. My father, Daddy Ploppy,
was known as Ploppy the stopper.Copy !req
126. It was from him that I inherited
my fascinating skin diseases.Copy !req
127. Yes. You are to be...
You are to be congratulated, my friend.Copy !req
128. We live in an age where illness
and deformity are commonplace,Copy !req
129. and yet, Ploppy, you are,
without a doubt,Copy !req
130. the most repulsive individual
I've ever met.Copy !req
131. I would shake your hand
but I fear it would come off.Copy !req
132. There's no many bosses
would be that considerate, sir.Copy !req
133. Thank you, Ploppy. I do my best.Copy !req
134. Now then, woman,
if indeed, you are a woman,Copy !req
135. - what is your function on death row?
- I'm the last meal cook, sir.Copy !req
136. The prisoners may ask me for
what they fancy for their last meal...Copy !req
137. And you cook for them what they desire.Copy !req
138. Oh, yes, sir.
Provided they ask for sausages.Copy !req
139. Otherwise, they tend to get
a tiny bit disappointed.Copy !req
140. Sausages is all I got.Copy !req
141. You are clearly a woman
of principle and compassion, Mistress...Copy !req
142. - Ploppy, sir.
- So you are married to...Copy !req
143. No! Many people think that,
but it's pure coincidence.Copy !req
144. We did laugh when first we found out.Copy !req
145. "Good morning, Mistress Ploppy",
he'd say,Copy !req
146. and I'd say, "Good morning, Mr Ploppy"!Copy !req
147. The long winter evenings
must just fly by.Copy !req
148. Ah! And you must be the boy
who makes the tea.Copy !req
149. Ah! No, sir, no. He's the executioner.Copy !req
150. - But he does sometimes make the tea.
- Yes.Copy !req
151. And your name is?Copy !req
152. Bald rick, my lord.Copy !req
153. But I'll change it to Ploppy
if it will make things easier.Copy !req
154. No, thank you, I can cope
with more than one name.Copy !req
155. What are you doing here?Copy !req
156. Well, it's a hobby.Copy !req
157. It would be more fun, sir,
if he were to change his name.Copy !req
158. Give the place a more family atmosphere.Copy !req
159. Family atmosphere? This is meant to be
a place of pain and misery and sorrow.Copy !req
160. That's what I mean, sir.Copy !req
161. Mistress Ploppy's a bit
of a social realist, sir.Copy !req
162. Now then, we're going to run
a fast, efficient operationCopy !req
163. and I intend to do
as little work as possible.Copy !req
164. My deputy, Percy, here, will explain.Copy !req
165. Good afternoon, staff.
My name is Lord Percy,Copy !req
166. and if you play fair by me,
you will find me a considerate employer,Copy !req
167. but if you cross me, by jove...Copy !req
168. Just tell 'em the plan, duck face.Copy !req
169. - My Lord, not in front of the staff.
- Get on with it.Copy !req
170. Right, staff, as you know,Copy !req
171. we are scheduled to execute
Drake and Effingham on Monday,Copy !req
172. Lord Farrow on Wednesday,Copy !req
173. and Buckingham and Ponsonby on Friday.Copy !req
174. But, in order to give us
the middle of the week off,Copy !req
175. Lord Blackadder has decided
to move Farrow to Monday.Copy !req
176. Oh.Copy !req
177. Let's just say he's got time off
for good behaviour.Copy !req
178. - Your Majesty!
- Yes, Lady Farrow?Copy !req
179. My husband dies tomorrow.Copy !req
180. I beseech you,
even if you cannot save his life...Copy !req
181. Which I don't think
either of us would want,Copy !req
182. seeing as how he's a horrible traitor.Copy !req
183. Of course not, your Majesty.Copy !req
184. But if he must die, may I see him?Copy !req
185. But, of course.Copy !req
186. What's she asking me for?Copy !req
187. Why doesn't she just go along
to the execution with everyone else?Copy !req
188. No, your Majesty, I don't believe
she wants to see him die.Copy !req
189. I believe she wants to see him
before he dies.Copy !req
190. - How odd!
- Majesty?Copy !req
191. She's not seen him. I wouldn't marry
someone I had never seen.Copy !req
192. You should take marriage
a bit more seriously next time.Copy !req
193. Oh, come now, Lady Farrow,Copy !req
194. crying isn't going to help
your husband now.Copy !req
195. No. Ointment. That's what you need
when your head's been cut off.Copy !req
196. That's what I gave your sister, Mary,
when they done her.Copy !req
197. "There, there," I said.
"You'll soon grow a new one."Copy !req
198. Shut up, Nursie! Of course
you may see your husband, my dear,Copy !req
199. and if that horrid old Edmund
tries to stop you, give him this.Copy !req
200. It's a warrant for his own execution.Copy !req
201. Oh, thank you, ma'am.Copy !req
202. May flights of angels
sing you to your rest.Copy !req
203. Yes, I'm sure they will.Copy !req
204. Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!Copy !req
205. Hup!Copy !req
206. - So, they're all dead, are they?
- Yep! All three.Copy !req
207. Drake, Effingham, Farrow.Copy !req
208. Splendid. Any interesting last words?Copy !req
209. Well, Farrow was rather moving, my lord.Copy !req
210. A great, strong man,
he stood there, gaunt and nobleCopy !req
211. in the early morning mist,
and in a loud, clear voice he cried out,Copy !req
212. "My wife might have
bloody well turned up!"Copy !req
213. Ha! She's probably shacked up
with some new pair of tights already.Copy !req
214. Right. Well, unless Lord Percy
has anything to add,Copy !req
215. you lot can amuse yourselvesCopy !req
216. in whatever foul, depraved way
you feel fit till Friday.Copy !req
217. - Thank you.
- Thank you, sir.Copy !req
218. Well, staff, er,
I've got a few notes on today's show.Copy !req
219. - On the whole, I was impressed.
- They've gone, Percy.Copy !req
220. Er, team, team?Copy !req
221. My lord,
there is a lady outside to see you.Copy !req
222. - Oh, is she pretty?
- I don't know. What do you think?Copy !req
223. I don't know, do I?
I haven't seen her yet!Copy !req
224. - Make yourself scarce, Baldrick.
- Oh, all right.Copy !req
225. Good evening, Lord Blackadder.Copy !req
226. Well, it certainly is now.Copy !req
227. Perhaps you'd like to...Copy !req
228. slip into something more comfortable.Copy !req
229. No, my lord, for there is
a great pain in my heart.Copy !req
230. It's probably indigestion.
I'll soon take your mind off that.Copy !req
231. It is my husband!Copy !req
232. Your husband's got indigestion!
Well, he won't be bothering us, then.Copy !req
233. No. He dies tomorrow.Copy !req
234. Oh come, you can't die of indigestion.
You're overdramatising...Copy !req
235. He is to be executed at your order.Copy !req
236. I am Lady Farrow.Copy !req
237. Ah! And what exactly did you want of me?Copy !req
238. I wish to see my husband tonight.Copy !req
239. Not really possible, actually.Copy !req
240. Excuse me, just a second,
just a second. Baldrick!Copy !req
241. - My lord?
- That Farrow bloke you executed today,Copy !req
242. are you sure he's dead?Copy !req
243. Well, I chopped his head off.
That usually does the trick.Copy !req
244. Don't get clever with me, Baldrick.
I just thought you might haveCopy !req
245. topped off a leg or something
by mistake.Copy !req
246. - No, the thing I chopped off had a nose.
- Fine.Copy !req
247. I'm so sorry. I've just been
consulting my legal peopleCopy !req
248. and, I'm afraid
there really is no chance of a meeting.Copy !req
249. But the Queen told me
it would be allowed.Copy !req
250. - Really?
- Yes,Copy !req
251. and that if you said no,
I should give you this.Copy !req
252. Fine! Fine! Absolutely!Copy !req
253. Why not?Copy !req
254. Right, Bald rick. Is that all clear?Copy !req
255. Yes, erm, I've killed someone
I shouldn't have killed,Copy !req
256. and now you want me to put a lady
on my head and talk to his old bag.Copy !req
257. No, I want you to put a bag on your head
and talk to his old lady.Copy !req
258. Well, why do I want a bag on my head?Copy !req
259. In order, nincompoop, that she should
believe that you're her husband.Copy !req
260. What, did he used to wear
a bag on his head?Copy !req
261. Young Ploppy here has a point,
my lord. Lord Farrow never wore a bag.Copy !req
262. He was an old-fashioned sort of a gent.Copy !req
263. Look...Copy !req
264. Well, yes, my lord.
I mean, I hadn't meant to mention itCopy !req
265. but I have been wondering all along,Copy !req
266. why you should think
that Baldrick with a bag on his headCopy !req
267. is gonna be a dead ringer
for Lord Farrow, because he's not!Copy !req
268. Look, cretins, the bag is there in order
to obscure Baldrick's own features,Copy !req
269. and many might think, incidentally,
that that would beCopy !req
270. reason enough for him to wear it.Copy !req
271. Before I bring in Lady Farrow,
I shall explain to her,Copy !req
272. inventing some cunningly
plausible excuse,Copy !req
273. that her husband has
taken to wearing a bag.Copy !req
274. She can then chat to Baldrick,Copy !req
275. imagining him to be the man
that she marriedCopy !req
276. and the Queen need never know
of my little miscalculations.Copy !req
277. - Why, my lord, that is a brilliant plan.
- Foolproof!Copy !req
278. - You're very kind.
- Although there is something lurkingCopy !req
279. at the back of my head that bothers me.Copy !req
280. It's probably a flea.Copy !req
281. Your Lordship,
Lady Farrow awaits your pleasure.Copy !req
282. All right, okay. Quick, quick!Copy !req
283. Ah!Copy !req
284. Lady Farrow! What a real pleasure it is
to see you again.Copy !req
285. It is my beloved
that I shall be pleased to see.Copy !req
286. Well, quite, quite.Copy !req
287. Though, I should warn you that
he will not be quite as you knew him.Copy !req
288. You fiend! What have you done to him?Copy !req
289. We have put a bag over his head.Copy !req
290. Why?Copy !req
291. Well, the thing is you see,Copy !req
292. none of the other prisoners
have such shapely widows...Copy !req
293. Er, wives, I should say.Copy !req
294. And, therefore, in the interests of
the morale of the condemned community,Copy !req
295. your husband has nobly agreed
to wear a bag.Copy !req
296. It was either that or have all
the other prisoners in there with you.Copy !req
297. How like him to make such a gesture!Copy !req
298. Yes, yes. Well, I'll just go check
he's bagged up. Won't be a minute.Copy !req
299. Right, Balders, this is it!Copy !req
300. - My lord!
- Oh, what is it now, Ploppy?Copy !req
301. I have located my nagging doubt.Copy !req
302. It's a small point, but I do now recallCopy !req
303. that Lord Farrow was
considerably taller,Copy !req
304. more than a yard taller
than young Ploppy here.Copy !req
305. Ugh. If you want
something done properly,Copy !req
306. you've got to do it yourself,
haven't ya? Anything else I should know?Copy !req
307. Oh, yes, he had a very deep voice...
Big, deep, booming voice.Copy !req
308. So, quite like mine, then.Copy !req
309. No, my lord, a big, deep, booming voice.Copy !req
310. Mine's quite deep.Copy !req
311. Not like his. And, in fact,Copy !req
312. Lord Farrow was taller
even than you, my lord.Copy !req
313. Oh, a giant of a man.Copy !req
314. Yes, all right, all right,
don't rub it in.Copy !req
315. Percy, you'd better go
and have another word with her.Copy !req
316. - Go on, go on!
- Er...Copy !req
317. Erm, sorry about the delay, madam.Copy !req
318. Er, as you know,
you are about to meet your husband,Copy !req
319. whom you will recognizeCopy !req
320. on account of the fact
that he has got a bag over his head.Copy !req
321. Oh, I would know my darling anywhere!Copy !req
322. Well, yes, there are
a couple of other things.Copy !req
323. I am prepared for the fact
that he may have lost some weight.Copy !req
324. Yes, and some height.Copy !req
325. Oh!Copy !req
326. That's the interesting thing.Copy !req
327. Er, you'll probably hardly
recognize him at all, actually!Copy !req
328. You'll be telling me
his arm's grown back next.Copy !req
329. Er...Copy !req
330. 'Scuse, just for a sec!Copy !req
331. He's only got one arm.Copy !req
332. Oh, well, I'll just have to
stick it inside the shirt.Copy !req
333. Which one?Copy !req
334. - Er...
- Which one?Copy !req
335. - Which one?
- Hang on! Hang on!Copy !req
336. How do we know you're his wife?Copy !req
337. - What?
- Well, you know, you could be a gloater.Copy !req
338. I beg pardon?Copy !req
339. You know, a gloater, er...
Come to gloat over the condemned man.Copy !req
340. I mean, we're up to our ears
in gloaters here.Copy !req
341. "Can I come in for a gloat?" they say.Copy !req
342. We shout back,
"Oh, you heartless gloaters!"Copy !req
343. All rig ht. All rig ht. All rig ht.Copy !req
344. Tell you what. I'll believe
you're not a gloater if you tell meCopy !req
345. which arm he hasn't got.Copy !req
346. His left, of course!Copy !req
347. - Now let me see my husband!
- Right!Copy !req
348. It's the left! Good luck!Copy !req
349. Gloaters! You really are
a prat, aren't you, Percy?Copy !req
350. Right, now don't forget, in two minutes
you interrupt me, all right?Copy !req
351. And no more than two minutes,Copy !req
352. otherwise I'm in real trouble,
and don't forget because...Copy !req
353. Because we're not at home to Mr Cock-up.Copy !req
354. Correct.Copy !req
355. - Remember the voice, my lord.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
356. Enter!Copy !req
357. - James?
- My darling.Copy !req
358. - How are you?
- Oh, fine, fine.Copy !req
359. Food's not bad, apart from the sausages.Copy !req
360. Your voice is somehow different.Copy !req
361. - Oh? How?
- Somehow lighter!Copy !req
362. Not as deep nor booming as once it was.Copy !req
363. Is that better?Copy !req
364. Oh, my darling! Oh!Copy !req
365. Call me by that name
you always called meCopy !req
366. to show your love is still strong.Copy !req
367. Er, yes. Er, look, do you think
this is quite the time and the placeCopy !req
368. - for that sort of thing?
- Please.Copy !req
369. Erm, this is the specific, secret little
name that I always used to call you.Copy !req
370. You want to be called it again,
is that right?Copy !req
371. Yes, the one...
The one like, "Your little pumpkin".Copy !req
372. The one like, "Your little pumpkin".Copy !req
373. But not actually, "Your little pumpkin".Copy !req
374. No.Copy !req
375. Er, right then,
my little pumpkinny-whumpkinny!Copy !req
376. Oh, my darling! Oh! Your arm!Copy !req
377. - What's wrong with it?
- What happened to it?Copy !req
378. Oh... Well, I'm rather hurt
you don't remember yourself, in fact.Copy !req
379. But it was only cut off at the elbow!Copy !req
380. - Aah!
- What happened to the rest?Copy !req
381. Ah, yes, well, I got into a scrap here
with a fellow who called you,Copy !req
382. "A nosey little strumpet who's alwaysCopy !req
383. - "going blubbing to the Queen".
- Oh!Copy !req
384. And we got into a fight
and he cut off the top half.Copy !req
385. Oh! Alas!Copy !req
386. Ah, yes, gosh,
well, I think you'd better be going.Copy !req
387. Lord Blackadder said he was going to beCopy !req
388. sending in his servant Baldrick
to collect me.Copy !req
389. Perhaps, my lord,
he is leaving us for a little longer.Copy !req
390. Oh, no, I shouldn't think so.
Baldrick! He's usually very punctual.Copy !req
391. Perhaps this Baldrick
is doing it out of kindness.Copy !req
392. Oh, no, I shouldn't think so.
Baldrick! He's a very unkind person.Copy !req
393. Well, then, let us leap on the momentCopy !req
394. that we've been given
and use it to its full.Copy !req
395. - What?
- Let me do this last thing for you.Copy !req
396. What wife could do more?Copy !req
397. What? Oh, I see!Copy !req
398. - Right, that's it, time's up!
- No, it isn't!Copy !req
399. Yes, it is. Come on. Time's up.Copy !req
400. What? We've had so little time!Copy !req
401. May we finish what we began
in paradise. Farewell.Copy !req
402. Farewell.Copy !req
403. Bald rick, you bastard!Copy !req
404. Utter bastard!Copy !req
405. That was the first time ever,
in my whole life.Copy !req
406. I've been on this paltry, boring planet
for 30 years, and that's the first timeCopy !req
407. anyone has ever...Copy !req
408. But do not despair, my lord.Copy !req
409. Your brother petitions the Queen
tomorrow morning.Copy !req
410. - There may still be hope.
- What?Copy !req
411. Shall I prepare the guest room
for Mr Cock-up, my lord?Copy !req
412. Oh, yes, all right, then. Let him off.Copy !req
413. He probably is innocent, anyway.Copy !req
414. My lady! May the heavens rain down
radiant jewels and sweetmeats upon you!Copy !req
415. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!Copy !req
416. - And may cherubim and Seraphim...
- Out!Copy !req
417. - Milady, about Lord Farrow...
- I've let him off.Copy !req
418. No, no, no, you can't.Copy !req
419. He's a complete cad of the first water.Copy !req
420. "Can't" is not a word for princes,
Lord Blackadder.Copy !req
421. How very true, your Majesty!Copy !req
422. Anyway, I won't be argued with,
will I, Nursie?Copy !req
423. Well, sometimes, my darling,
when you want something very naughty...Copy !req
424. No, you won't be argued with,
absolutely not.Copy !req
425. Precisely! 50, Lord Blackadder,Copy !req
426. I want to see Lord Farrow here
in one hour.Copy !req
427. Meanwhile, I shall spend the time
visiting my old friend, Lord Ponsonby,Copy !req
428. who, I believe,
I'm having killed on Friday.Copy !req
429. Come on, Nursie.Copy !req
430. Let's see if there are any good heads
in traitor's Cloister on the way.Copy !req
431. Percy, this is
a very difficult situation.Copy !req
432. Yes, my lord.Copy !req
433. Someone's for the chop.Copy !req
434. - You or me, in fact.
- Yes.Copy !req
435. Let's face facts, Perce. It's you.Copy !req
436. - Except, except I may have a plan.
- Oh, yes?Copy !req
437. Er, er, how about
if we get Lord Farrow's head and body,Copy !req
438. and we take it to the Queen,Copy !req
439. except, except, just before we get in,
we start shouting and screaming,Copy !req
440. and then we come in saying,Copy !req
441. "We were just on our way,
when he said something traitorous"Copy !req
442. "and so we cut his head off
in the corridor to teach him a lesson."Copy !req
443. Pathetic! Absolutely pathetic!
Contemptible!Copy !req
444. Worth a try! Where did we put the head?Copy !req
445. It's on a spike in traitor's Cloister.Copy !req
446. Oh, God, well,
that's where the Queen's gone!Copy !req
447. Did she know Farrow?Copy !req
448. Oh, yes, they were childhood friends.Copy !req
449. Well, if she sees his head on a spike,
she'll realize he's dead!Copy !req
450. - Yes.
- You fix the body. I'll cover the head.Copy !req
451. Oh! Hello, Edmund.Copy !req
452. Look, I'm sorry
I snapped at you just now.Copy !req
453. - Oh...
- You know I'm really very keenCopy !req
454. on you indeed, don't you?Copy !req
455. Oh, yes, ma'am!Copy !req
456. - As you were keen on Essex.
- Exactly!Copy !req
457. Right up to the point at which
you had his head cut off.Copy !req
458. He didn't mind that!
He knew it was only little me.Copy !req
459. And I must say, his head did look
jolly super on its spike.Copy !req
460. - Are there no heads on spikes today?
- Erm, no.Copy !req
461. No!Copy !req
462. We're training up our new executioner,
and he's a little immature.Copy !req
463. It takes him forever.
Slash, slash, slash!Copy !req
464. By the time he's finished, you don't
so much need a spike as a toast rack.Copy !req
465. I like toast. Still, must be off
to say bye-bye to Ponsonby.Copy !req
466. Would you care to stroll with me awhile?Copy !req
467. Just if you've got time,
if you're not too busy.Copy !req
468. No, sorry, ma'am, affairs of...Copy !req
469. I said, "Would you care
to stroll with me awhile?"Copy !req
470. "Just if you've got time,
if you're not too busy!"Copy !req
471. Yes! It would make
the decade worthwhile!Copy !req
472. And in Genoa, 'tis now the fashion to
pin a live frog to the shoulder braid,Copy !req
473. stand on a bucket and go,
"Bibble!" at passers-by.Copy !req
474. Oh! Our Italian cousins!Copy !req
475. Well, if you'll excuse me, ma'am,
I have got some business to attend to.Copy !req
476. Certainly! But first, Edmund,Copy !req
477. take my hand! Tell me you'll forgive
my former sharpness.Copy !req
478. Erm...Copy !req
479. Milady!Copy !req
480. Sweet Lord Blackadder!Copy !req
481. Oh, Percy!Copy !req
482. Well, I've got the body, my lord,
and I see you've got the head.Copy !req
483. Yes, but look, it's no good, Percy.Copy !req
484. No one's ever going to believe
we've just cut it off. It's gone green!Copy !req
485. - We're doomed.
- Doomed!Copy !req
486. - Oh, wait a moment! That's not Farrow!
- Isn't it?Copy !req
487. No, that's Ponsonby!Copy !req
488. My God! Ponsonby!Copy !req
489. That genius Baldrick
has killed the wrong bloke.Copy !req
490. - We're saved!
- Saved!Copy !req
491. - The Farrow's alive and we're saved!
- Hooray!Copy !req
492. And, when the Queen gets back
from seeing Ponsonby, we'll...Copy !req
493. Oh, God!Copy !req
494. Oh! We're doomed! We're doomed!Copy !req
495. It's not very nice here, is it?Copy !req
496. Oh, it's not meant to be, my pikelet.Copy !req
497. This is where all the horrid people
who don't like you live.Copy !req
498. I suppose so.
It's a bit smelly too, isn't it?Copy !req
499. Of course, I'm used to that.Copy !req
500. In the mornings
when you were a little baby...Copy !req
501. Shut up, Nursie!Copy !req
502. You! No, not you,
you're too repulsive. You!Copy !req
503. Yes, your royal, majestic Highness.Copy !req
504. Bring in Lord Ponsonby!Copy !req
505. Yes, your royal, majestic thing.Copy !req
506. So strange
Ponsonby turned out to be a traitor.Copy !req
507. You would have thought he had
problems enough, what with that hunch,Copy !req
508. and only having one leg.Copy !req
509. Yes, and that terrible speech problem.Copy !req
510. Your Majesty, Lord Ponsonby.Copy !req
511. Your royal Majesty.Copy !req
512. Sorry about the bag!
Didn't have time to shave!Copy !req