1. I must say, Edmund,
it was jolly nice of you to ask meCopy !req
2. to share your breakfast before
the rigours of the day begin.Copy !req
3. It is said, Percy, that a civilised man
seeks out good and intelligent companyCopy !req
4. so that through learned discourse,Copy !req
5. he may rise above the savage,
and closer to God.Copy !req
6. Yes, I heard that.Copy !req
7. Personally, however, I like to
start the day with a total dickheadCopy !req
8. to remind me I'm best.Copy !req
9. Be-shrew me, Edmund!
You're in good fooling this morning!Copy !req
10. Don't say "Be-shrew me", Percy.
Only stupid actors say "Be-shrew" me!Copy !req
11. Oh, how I would love to be an actor.Copy !req
12. I had a great talent for it in my youth.
I was the man of a thousand faces.Copy !req
13. So, how'd you come to choose
the ugly mug you've got now?Copy !req
14. Ha! Tush, My Lord!Copy !req
15. Don't say tush, either.
It's only a short step from tushCopy !req
16. to "hey nonny nonny."Copy !req
17. And then I'm afraid
I shall have to call the police.Copy !req
18. Well, God pats me on the head
and says, "Good boy, Edmund."Copy !req
19. - My Lord?
- My aunt and uncle,Copy !req
20. Lord and Lady Whiteadder,Copy !req
21. the two most fanatical Puritans
in EnglandCopy !req
22. have invited themselves to
dinner here, tonight.Copy !req
23. But aren't they the most
frightful bores?Copy !req
24. Yep. But they have one great
redeeming feature.Copy !req
25. Their wallets.Copy !req
26. More capacious
than an elephant's scrotumCopy !req
27. and just as difficult to get
your hands on.Copy !req
28. At least, until now!Copy !req
29. For tonight, they wish to
discuss my inheritance.Copy !req
30. Hey nonny nonny, My Lord!
Good news!Copy !req
31. Bald rick!Copy !req
32. Why have you got a piece of cheese
tied to the end of your nose?Copy !req
33. To catch mice, My Lord.Copy !req
34. I lie on the floor with my mouth open
and hope they scurry in.Copy !req
35. - And do they?
- Not yet, My Lord.Copy !req
36. Well, I'm not surprised.Copy !req
37. Your breath comes straight from
Satan's bottom, Baldrick.Copy !req
38. The only sort of mouse
you're going to catchCopy !req
39. is one without a nose.Copy !req
40. That's a pity, cos the nose
is the best bit on a mouse.Copy !req
41. Any bit of a mouse will seem like luxuryCopy !req
42. compared to what Percy and I
must eat tonight.Copy !req
43. We are entertaining Puritan
vegetable folk, Baldus,Copy !req
44. and that means no meat!Copy !req
45. In that case,
I'll prepare my turnip surprise.Copy !req
46. And the surprise is?Copy !req
47. There's nothing else in it
except the turnip.Copy !req
48. 50, another word for turnip surprise
would be a turnip.Copy !req
49. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
50. Get the door, Baldrick. Get the door.Copy !req
51. Well, now, if things
go as planned tonight,Copy !req
52. it would seem congratulations
are in order.Copy !req
53. Nice try, Percy, but forget it.
You're not getting a penny.Copy !req
54. Baldrick, I would advise you to make
the explanation you were about to giveCopy !req
55. phenomenally good.Copy !req
56. - You said, "Get the door."
- Not good enough. You're fired.Copy !req
57. But, My Lord, I've been
in your family since 1532!Copy !req
58. 50 has syphilis. Now get out!Copy !req
59. Very well.Copy !req
60. By the way, there was a messenger
outside when I got the door.Copy !req
61. He says the Queen wants to see you.
Lord Melchett is very sick.Copy !req
62. - Really?
- Yeah. He's at death's door.Copy !req
63. Well, my faithful old
reinstated family retainer.Copy !req
64. Let's go and open it for him then!Copy !req
65. Edmund! Quick!Copy !req
66. Quick! Melchett's dying!
We must do something!Copy !req
67. Well, yes, of course.
Some sort of celebration.Copy !req
68. But let's wait till he's
actually snuffed it, shall we?Copy !req
69. Nursie's old methods
don't seem to be working.Copy !req
70. Come on, little tummy.Copy !req
71. It all started last night at about 2:00,
I was tucked into bed,Copy !req
72. having this absolutely scrummy
dream about ponies,Copy !req
73. when I was woken by a terrific
banging from Lord Melchett.Copy !req
74. Well! I never knew he had it in him!Copy !req
75. It's true, I promise.
He was banging on the castle gates,Copy !req
76. falling over and singing a strange songCopy !req
77. about a girl who possessed
something called a dicky dido?Copy !req
78. Oh, yes, it's a lovely old hymn,
isn't it?Copy !req
79. Well, ma'am, I think I know
what's wrong with Lord Melchett,Copy !req
80. and unfortunately, it isn't fatal.Copy !req
81. Well hurry up and cure the horrible man.Copy !req
82. I'm fed up with him lying
there moaning and groaning.Copy !req
83. And letting off such great
fruits and flabby woof-woofs!Copy !req
84. One can't believe one's tiny nose!Copy !req
85. The truth is,
Lord Melchett just can't take his ale.Copy !req
86. I protest! I may be
a little delicate this morningCopy !req
87. but what I drank last night
would have floored a rhinoceros.Copy !req
88. If it was allergic to lemonade.Copy !req
89. It's Blackadder here
who can't take his ale.Copy !req
90. He's famous for it.Copy !req
91. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
92. Nursie, isn't it exciting,
the boys are getting tough!Copy !req
93. I'm sure we all remember
the shame and embarrassmentCopy !req
94. of the King of Austria's visitCopy !req
95. when Blackadder
was found wandering naked,Copy !req
96. among the corridors of Hampton CourtCopy !req
97. singing, "I'm Merlin the happy pig."Copy !req
98. What did you have last night?
A whole half pint of potato juice?Copy !req
99. On the contrary!Copy !req
100. I had two flagons of claret
and a double helping of curried turtle.Copy !req
101. I can assure you,Copy !req
102. it's no holds barred with us
at the annual communion wine-tasting!Copy !req
103. Annual? Ha! For me and the wild boys
every night is drinkey night.Copy !req
104. - Says who?
- Says me!Copy !req
105. - Says you?
- Yeah!Copy !req
106. You wanna come around sometime,Copy !req
107. and have a look at the underside
of my table?Copy !req
108. Tonight!Copy !req
109. Tonight?Copy !req
110. Yeah, come on, Melchie,
What are you scared of?Copy !req
111. Perhaps you're right.
Perhaps he's a wet and a weed.Copy !req
112. All right, then. Tonight.
I'll be there.Copy !req
113. Hooray! And last one
under the table gets...Copy !req
114. Ten thousand florins from the loser.Copy !req
115. Ma'am?Copy !req
116. All right.
Well, I'll get the beer in then.Copy !req
117. Nursie...Copy !req
118. - Do you know what I'm going to do?
- What?Copy !req
119. I'm going to go along and find outCopy !req
120. exactly what happens
at these boys' nights.Copy !req
121. Good idea, poppet!Copy !req
122. And I'll wear a cloak with a cowl
so no-one will recognize me.Copy !req
123. That's another good idea!Copy !req
124. You're so clever today you better
be careful your foot doesn't fall off.Copy !req
125. Does that happen
when you have lots of brilliant ideas?Copy !req
126. Your foot falls off?Copy !req
127. Certainly does.Copy !req
128. My brother, he had this brilliant idea
of cutting his toenails with a scythe.Copy !req
129. And his foot fell off!Copy !req
130. Right. Now the sort of person
we're looking forCopy !req
131. is an aggressive drunken [out
with the intelligence of a four-year-oldCopy !req
132. and the sexual sophistication
of a donkey.Copy !req
133. Cardinal Wolsey!Copy !req
134. Bald rick!Copy !req
135. My Lord?Copy !req
136. Why?Copy !req
137. I got fed up with
the all mouse diet, My Lord.Copy !req
138. Thought I'd try a cat for variety.Copy !req
139. Good. Well done.
And now, returning to the real world...Copy !req
140. - Do you have a knife?
- Yeah.Copy !req
141. Good. Because I wish to quickly send off
some party invitations,Copy !req
142. and to make them look
particularly tough,Copy !req
143. I wish to write them in blood.Copy !req
144. Your blood, to be precise.Copy !req
145. How much blood will you
actually be requiring, My Lord?Copy !req
146. Nothing much, just a small puddle.Copy !req
147. Will you be wanting me
to cut anything off?Copy !req
148. An arm or a leg for instance?Copy !req
149. Oh, good God, no.
A little prick should do.Copy !req
150. Very well, My Lord.
I am your bondsman and must obey.Copy !req
151. Oh, for God's sake, Baldrick.
I meant a little prick on your finger.Copy !req
152. I haven't got one there!Copy !req
153. Oh, forget it! Forget it.Copy !req
154. Thank you, My Lord.Copy !req
155. Right, now, Perce,
how's the list going?Copy !req
156. Very well indeed.Copy !req
157. I thought we could invite
my girlfriend, Gwendolyn.Copy !req
158. Sorry, no chicks! Who else?Copy !req
159. That's about as far as I got, actually.Copy !req
160. Right. I'll dictate.
First, Simon Partridge.Copy !req
161. Oh, not Farters Parters?
Also known as Mister Ostrich!Copy !req
162. - Even he!
- But he's a fearful oink!Copy !req
163. Takes one to know one.Copy !req
164. Secondly, Sir Jeffrey Piddle.Copy !req
165. Here's to the health
of Cardinal Chunder Piddle?Copy !req
166. The very same.Copy !req
167. And thirdly, Freddie Frobisher,
the flatulent hermit of Lindisfarne.Copy !req
168. Oh, pong, pong!Copy !req
169. Right. That should do the trick.Copy !req
170. Oh, and of course,Copy !req
171. Lord and Lady Whiteadder
will be coming anyway!Copy !req
172. Oh, yes!Copy !req
173. Oh, no!Copy !req
174. I must say, it does look a teeny bit
like trying to get out of it.Copy !req
175. Quite the wrong impression, ma'am!Copy !req
176. I just want to make it another night,
that's all.Copy !req
177. Certainly not!Copy !req
178. I beg your pardon?Copy !req
179. Well, it's just one excuse
after another, isn't it?Copy !req
180. Next thing, he'll be trying
to get out of his bath all together.Copy !req
181. He isn't talking about baths, Nursie!Copy !req
182. Well, he should be.Copy !req
183. How else will he keep clean?Copy !req
184. Soon he'll say he doesn't
want his nappy changed.Copy !req
185. No, Blackadder doesn't wear a nappy.Copy !req
186. Well, in that case,Copy !req
187. it's even more important
that he has a bath!Copy !req
188. Shut up, Nursie!Copy !req
189. I know why you want to get out of it,Copy !req
190. because I remember
the last time you had a party.Copy !req
191. I found you face down in a puddle,
wearing a pointy hat,Copy !req
192. singing a song about goblins.Copy !req
193. Yes. All right.
All right. Tonight it is!Copy !req
194. Oh, Edmund,
I do love it when you get cross.Copy !req
195. Sometimes, I think about
having you executed,Copy !req
196. just to see the expression on your face.Copy !req
197. Right, now let's make sure
you've got this.Copy !req
198. We are having two parties here tonightCopy !req
199. and they must be kept
completely separate.Copy !req
200. Right!Copy !req
201. Firstly, a total piss-up involving
beer-throwing, broken furniture,Copy !req
202. and then wall-to-wall vomiting
to be held here, in Baldrick's bedroom.Copy !req
203. Ah, thank you very much, My Lord.Copy !req
204. Secondly, Percy will join me in here
for the gourmet turnip evening.Copy !req
205. Is the turnip surprise ready?Copy !req
206. Yes, My Lord.Copy !req
207. Then what is so funny?Copy !req
208. Well, My Lord, when Baldrick and I
were preparing the turnip surprise,Copy !req
209. we had a surprise.Copy !req
210. We came across a turnipCopy !req
211. that was exactly the same shape...Copy !req
212. As a thingy!Copy !req
213. A thingy?Copy !req
214. A great big thingy!Copy !req
215. It was terrific.Copy !req
216. Size is no guarantee
of quality, Baldrick.Copy !req
217. Most horses are well-endowedCopy !req
218. but that doesn't necessarily
make them sensitive lovers.Copy !req
219. I trust you have removed
this hilarious item.Copy !req
220. Yes, My Lord.Copy !req
221. Good, because there's nothing
more likely to stop an inheritanceCopy !req
222. than a thingy-shaped turnip.Copy !req
223. Absolutely, Edmund.Copy !req
224. But it was jolly funny.Copy !req
225. Yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
226. I found it particularly ironic, My Lord,Copy !req
227. as I've got a thingy
that's shaped like a turnip!Copy !req
228. - I'm a great hit at parties.
- Are you?Copy !req
229. Yeah, I hide in the vegetable rack
and frighten the children.Copy !req
230. What fun.Copy !req
231. Perhaps you forgot that I'm meant to be
having a drinking competitionCopy !req
232. here tonight with Lord Melchett
and 10,000 florins are at stake.Copy !req
233. Oh, dear!Copy !req
234. What do you mean?Copy !req
235. Firstly, you haven't got 10,000 florins.Copy !req
236. And thirdly, one drop of the aleCopy !req
237. and you fall flat on your face and start
singing that song about the goblins.Copy !req
238. That's nonsense!Copy !req
239. But just in case it's true...Copy !req
240. - It is, actually.
- Yes, all right, it's true.Copy !req
241. So the plan is, when I call
for my incredibly strong ale,Copy !req
242. you must pass me water in an ale bottle.
Have you got that?Copy !req
243. Yeah. When you call for ale,
I pass water.Copy !req
244. Percy, your job is to stay here
and suck up to my aunt.Copy !req
245. I think you can trust me to know
how to handle a woman.Copy !req
246. Oh, God!Copy !req
247. Right, here goes.Copy !req
248. Yes, all right.Copy !req
249. Uncle! Aunt! Greetings!
How nice it is to see you!Copy !req
250. Wicked child! Don't lie!
Everyone hates us and you know it.Copy !req
251. Yes, now may I introduce my friend,
Lord Percy.Copy !req
252. Well, well, well, Eddie.Copy !req
253. You didn't tell me
you had such a good-looking aunt!Copy !req
254. Good morrow to thee, gorgeousness.Copy !req
255. I know what I like
and I like what I see.Copy !req
256. Be gone, Satan!Copy !req
257. Ah, yes, well, I hope you had
a pleasant inheritance!Copy !req
258. Did I say inheritance?
I meant journey. Now,Copy !req
259. if you'd just like to help yourself
to a legacy.Copy !req
260. Er... To a chair!Copy !req
261. Chair!Copy !req
262. You have chairs in your house?Copy !req
263. Oh, yes.Copy !req
264. Wicked child!
Chairs are an invention of Satan!Copy !req
265. In our house,
Nathaniel sits on a spike!Copy !req
266. And yourself?Copy !req
267. I sit on Nathaniel.Copy !req
268. Two spikes would be an extravagance!Copy !req
269. Well, quite right.Copy !req
270. I will suffer comfort this once.Copy !req
271. We shall just have to stick forks
in our legs between courses.Copy !req
272. I trust you remember we eat no meat!Copy !req
273. Heaven forbid, no!Copy !req
274. Here we feast only on God's
lovely turnip, mashed!Copy !req
275. Mashed?Copy !req
276. - Yes.
- Wicked child!Copy !req
277. Mashing is the also
the work of Beelzebub!Copy !req
278. For Satan saw God's blessed turnip
and he envied itCopy !req
279. and mashed it to spoil its sacred shape.Copy !req
280. Ah.Copy !req
281. I shall have my turnip as God intended.Copy !req
282. - Fine. Baldrick!
- My Lord?Copy !req
283. Would you fetch my dear aunt
a raw turnip, please.Copy !req
284. - We've only got the one.
- Just do it.Copy !req
285. Thank you.Copy !req
286. So, Uncle, will you have
your turnip mashed or as God intended?Copy !req
287. He will not answer you.
He has taken a vow of silence.Copy !req
288. I believe that silence is golden.Copy !req
289. Ahem! Inheritance.Copy !req
290. Edmund,Copy !req
291. I trust that you have invited
no other guests.Copy !req
292. Oh, certainly not!Copy !req
293. Good. For where there are other guestsCopy !req
294. there are people to fornicate with!Copy !req
295. I'll just go and tell them
to fornicate off! Lord Percy!Copy !req
296. Um, yes!Copy !req
297. Er, Lord Whiteadder, a vow of silence?Copy !req
298. That's quite an interesting thing!Copy !req
299. Tell me about it.Copy !req
300. But It's not my birthday...
Archdeacon!Copy !req
301. Ha! Well, well, get stuck in, boys!Copy !req
302. Stuck in! Wa-hay! Get it?Copy !req
303. Well, it sounds a bit rude,
doesn't it? Stuck in!Copy !req
304. Sorry. Back in a tick.Copy !req
305. Wa-hay! A tick, lads!Copy !req
306. That sounds a bit rude, doesn't it?
That sounds a bit like "bum"!Copy !req
307. Ah, Melchett! Late, I see.
To avoid the early drinking?Copy !req
308. Ah, Melchie, you really are a beginner.Copy !req
309. You're not even wearing
a pair of comedy breasts!Copy !req
310. Au contraire.Copy !req
311. Ah, well, let's wait till we get down
to the serious drinking, shall we?Copy !req
312. Er, no, just this way.Copy !req
313. Here we are.Copy !req
314. Good evening.Copy !req
315. Lads, this is Lord Melchett.Copy !req
316. Give him a large one, will you?Copy !req
317. A large one! Wa-hay! Get it?Copy !req
318. No!Copy !req
319. Yes, you do. Large one!
Sounds a bit rude.Copy !req
320. You may find the conversation
a bit over above head at first, Melchy,Copy !req
321. but you'll soon get used to it.Copy !req
322. Well, down the hatch!Copy !req
323. I heard there was a party on.Copy !req
324. No, yes, there are two.
And you're invited to neither.Copy !req
325. But I'm a friend of Lord Percy's.Copy !req
326. Ah, you must be Gwendolyn.
You were invited anyway, come in.Copy !req
327. - Do.
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
328. It's in here.Copy !req
329. - Thank you.
- There we go.Copy !req
330. Sorry about that. Carol singers.Copy !req
331. Sorry. He's sick.Copy !req
332. Leprosy of the brain.Copy !req
333. What he is trying to tell youCopy !req
334. is that you appear to be wearing
a pair of devil's dumplings!Copy !req
335. Oh, my God!
My ear-muffs have fallen down.Copy !req
336. It's getting...Copy !req
337. Would you like a pair?
It's getting rather cold.Copy !req
338. No, thank you.Copy !req
339. Cold is God's way of telling us
to burn more Catholics.Copy !req
340. Quite right,
which reminds me, Auntie...Copy !req
341. Don't call me Auntie!Copy !req
342. Aunties are relatives,
and relatives are evidence of sex!Copy !req
343. And sex is hardly a fitting subject
for the dinner table.Copy !req
344. Or indeed any table.Copy !req
345. Except perhaps a table in a brothel.Copy !req
346. Ow!Copy !req
347. Percy, you seem
to have fallen off your chair.Copy !req
348. Well, now, what was I saying?
Oh, my God!Copy !req
349. Your turnip, My Lady.Copy !req
350. Very good, very good.Copy !req
351. You know, Nathaniel,Copy !req
352. this takes me right back
to our wedding night.Copy !req
353. We had raw turnips that night, too.Copy !req
354. What was that?Copy !req
355. What was what?Copy !req
356. That noise.Copy !req
357. Noise?Copy !req
358. Did you hear a noise, Percy?Copy !req
359. - No.
- Good.Copy !req
360. Apart from that colossal drunken roar.Copy !req
361. Ow!Copy !req
362. Oh, that noise!Copy !req
363. Oh, it's the Catholics next door,
I'm afraid.Copy !req
364. I'll just go and burn them.
Back in a minute. Percy!Copy !req
365. Yes?Copy !req
366. - I'm suffocating.
- Thank God you knocked!Copy !req
367. Come on, take a deep breath.Copy !req
368. And another.Copy !req
369. - Better?
- Yes.Copy !req
370. Good.Copy !req
371. Mind you,
I'll say one thing for Catholics.Copy !req
372. They do have natural rhythm.Copy !req
373. Melchett!Copy !req
374. I notice you're not
drinking, Blackadder.Copy !req
375. Ah, don't you worry about me.
I'm holding my own here.Copy !req
376. Wahey! Holding my own!
Now that sounds incredibly rude!Copy !req
377. Yes, well, I never went
to university, of course.Copy !req
378. Blackadder, that doesn't explain why
you're not drinking with us.Copy !req
379. Ah, yes, that's what I actually came
to talk to you about.Copy !req
380. What do you say to the idea
of ten minutes of absolute silenceCopy !req
381. to get some really serious drinking in?Copy !req
382. Yeah!Copy !req
383. Yes, I said, please give me silence,
not drench me with dribble.Copy !req
384. Now, here's a nice glass of cider.Copy !req
385. Oh! Only cider!
I'm going to go put some brandy in it!Copy !req
386. - Hooray!
- Quiet! Shh!Copy !req
387. How are we all going, now?Copy !req
388. Not well.Copy !req
389. Let us discuss your inheritance.Copy !req
390. Ah, yes, good. A little drink first?Copy !req
391. Drink! Wicked child.Copy !req
392. Drink is urine
from the last leper in hell!Copy !req
393. Oh, no, no. This is only water!Copy !req
394. This is a house of simple purity.Copy !req
395. Great booze-up, Edmund!Copy !req
396. Do you know that man?Copy !req
397. No.Copy !req
398. He called you Edmund.Copy !req
399. Oh, know him? Oh, yes, I do.Copy !req
400. Then can you explain
what he meant by "great booze-up"?Copy !req
401. Yes, I can.Copy !req
402. My friend is a missionary.Copy !req
403. And on his last visit abroad,Copy !req
404. brought back with him the chief
of a famous tribe.Copy !req
405. His name is Great Boo.Copy !req
406. He's been suffering
from sleeping sickness.Copy !req
407. And he's obviously just woken.Copy !req
408. As you heard, Great Boo's up.Copy !req
409. Well done, Edmund!Copy !req
410. I think I'd better go visit him!
Perce, over to you!Copy !req
411. Yes.Copy !req
412. How about some sort of game?Copy !req
413. How about a couple of rounds
of shove-piggy-shove?Copy !req
414. Blackadder, you challenged me
to a drinking competition earlier todayCopy !req
415. and I haven't seen you touch a drop.Copy !req
416. - Nonsense!
- It's true.Copy !req
417. You twist and turn like a...
Twisty-turny thing.Copy !req
418. I say you're a weedy pigeon.Copy !req
419. And you can call me Susan
if it isn't so.Copy !req
420. All rig ht, Bald rick!Copy !req
421. Fetch my incredibly strong ale.Copy !req
422. Not Dr McGloo's Amber Enema?Copy !req
423. A drink for schoolgirls!Copy !req
424. Surely, not Strollop's
Lobster Scrumpy?Copy !req
425. No, it is Blackadder's Bowel-Basher.Copy !req
426. A brew guaranteed to knock
the backside off a concrete elephant.Copy !req
427. Is it not, Baldrick?Copy !req
428. No, it's water.Copy !req
429. - What?
- Water?Copy !req
430. No, but seriously, Baldrick,Copy !req
431. and presuming,
you wish to see another dawn.Copy !req
432. You did call for
your incredibly strong ale?Copy !req
433. Yes, that's right.Copy !req
434. Well, that's a relief.
I thought I'd made a mistake.Copy !req
435. Oh! He's right! It is water!Copy !req
436. Come on, lads!
Let's give him a real drink.Copy !req
437. Oh, fine!Copy !req
438. Bums up!Copy !req
439. Wait! Bums!Copy !req
440. Sounds a bit like bum, doesn't it?Copy !req
441. Drink, Blackadder, drink!Copy !req
442. Percy!Copy !req
443. I lost the bet.Copy !req
444. Edmund, explain yourself!Copy !req
445. I can't.
Not just like that.Copy !req
446. I'm a complicated person,
you see, Auntie.Copy !req
447. Sometimes I'm nice.Copy !req
448. And sometimes I'm nasty.Copy !req
449. And sometimes
I just like to sing little songs like...Copy !req
450. I mean, explain why
you're wearing a cardinal's hat,Copy !req
451. why you're grinning inanely,Copy !req
452. and why you have an ostrich feather
sticking out of your britches.Copy !req
453. I'm wearing a cardinal's hat
because I'm Cardinal Chunder.Copy !req
454. I have an ostrich feather up my bottomCopy !req
455. cos Mister Ostrich put it there
to keep in the little pixie.Copy !req
456. And I'm grinning inanelyCopy !req
457. because I think
I've just about succeededCopy !req
458. in conning you and your daft husband
out of a whopping great inheritance.Copy !req
459. Is that right?Copy !req
460. May I remind you, cursed creature,Copy !req
461. that your inheritance depends upon
your not drinking and not gambling.Copy !req
462. Oh, yes, damn. Percy,
the devil farts in my face once more.Copy !req
463. Not mentioning farts
was also a condition.Copy !req
464. Shove off, you old trout!Copy !req
465. How dare you speak
to my husband like that!Copy !req
466. Nathaniel, we're leaving.Copy !req
467. - And you...
- Yes?Copy !req
468. Has anyone ever told you
you're a giggling imbecile?Copy !req
469. Oh, yes.Copy !req
470. Good.Copy !req
471. Good riddance, you old witch!Copy !req
472. Oh! She's forgotten her broomstick.Copy !req
473. Look,Copy !req
474. I just wanted to say thanks
for a splendid evening.Copy !req
475. Yes. First rate, all round.Copy !req
476. Particularly your jester.Copy !req
477. By the way, I loved the turnip.Copy !req
478. Very funny.Copy !req
479. Exactly the same shape as a thingy!Copy !req
480. Good God!Copy !req
481. Well, look who it is!Copy !req
482. Who is it?Copy !req
483. Well, it's a boys' party,
she's a girl...Copy !req
484. So she must be the stripper!Copy !req
485. Oh, no!Copy !req
486. Don't get too depressed, Edmund.Copy !req
487. I mean...Copy !req
488. Money isn't everything.Copy !req
489. Well, think of clouds and daisiesCopy !req
490. and the lovely smiles
on little babies' faces.Copy !req
491. Be quiet, Percy.Copy !req
492. This way!Copy !req
493. Whoa! Another stripper!Copy !req
494. Hooray!Copy !req
495. - And a male stripper!
- Hooray!Copy !req
496. Oh, yes!
This is much more like it! Ooh!Copy !req
497. And she's come dressed as the queen!Copy !req
498. Ooh! Sexy!Copy !req
499. Do you know who I am?Copy !req
500. Yes, I know who you are.Copy !req
501. Who?Copy !req
502. You're Merlin the happy pig.Copy !req
503. Hooray!Copy !req
504. Wrong, I'm afraid.Copy !req
505. I am the Queen of England.Copy !req
506. I may have the body
of a weak and feeble woman,Copy !req
507. but I have the heart
and stomachCopy !req
508. of a concrete elephant.Copy !req
509. Prove it!Copy !req
510. Certainly will.Copy !req
511. First, I'm going to have
a little drinkie.Copy !req
512. And then I'm gonna execute
the whole bally lot of you.Copy !req
513. - Yes!
- Wait a minute!Copy !req
514. I'm sure there was something
very importantCopy !req
515. I had to do to you all this morning.Copy !req
516. Remember something
about 10,000 florins, was it?Copy !req
517. I think it was something about
an inheritance.Copy !req
518. Look, do you lot want to hear
about the goblin or not?Copy !req
519. Yes!Copy !req
520. Right, perhaps this time
I might be allowed to continue,Copy !req
521. and, perhaps finish, with any luck!Copy !req
522. Luck?Copy !req
523. Wa-hay! Get it?Copy !req
524. Um, no.Copy !req
525. Oh, come on! Luck!Copy !req
526. Sounds almost exactly like f...Copy !req