1. Ooh, la, la!Copy !req
2. - Ah, good morning, Mrs Miggins.
- Bonjour, monsieur!Copy !req
3. What?Copy !req
4. Bonjour, monsieur! It's French.Copy !req
5. So is eating frogs, cruelty to geese,
and urinating in the street.Copy !req
6. But that's no reason
to inflict it on the rest of us.Copy !req
7. But French is all the fashion!Copy !req
8. My coffee shop is full of Frenchies.Copy !req
9. And it's all because
of that wonderful Scarlet Pimpernel!Copy !req
10. The Scarlet Pimpernel
is not wonderful, Mrs Miggins.Copy !req
11. There is no reason whatsoever
to admire someoneCopy !req
12. for filling London with a load
of garlic-chewing French toffsCopy !req
13. crying "Ooh-la-la" and looking
for sympathy all the timeCopy !req
14. just because their fathers
had their heads cut off!Copy !req
15. I'll have a cup of coffee
and some shepherd's pie, please.Copy !req
16. Oh! We don't serve pies any more.Copy !req
17. My French clientele
consider pies uncouth.Copy !req
18. Well, I hardly think that a nation
that eats snailsCopy !req
19. and would go to bed with
the kitchen sink if it put on a tutuCopy !req
20. is in any position to preach couthness!Copy !req
21. So what is on the menu?Copy !req
22. Well, today's hot choice,Copy !req
23. is Chicken Pimpernel in a Scarlet sauce.Copy !req
24. Scarlet Chicken in a Pimpernel sauce,Copy !req
25. or huge suspicious-looking sausagesCopy !req
26. in a Scarlet Pimpernel sauce.Copy !req
27. What exactly is Scarlet Pimpernel sauce?Copy !req
28. You take a large, ripe frog,
squeeze it...Copy !req
29. Yes, yes, all right. I'm off to the pub.Copy !req
30. - Ah, Bonjour, monsieur!
- Sod off.Copy !req
31. Oh, sir, poor little Mildred the cat!Copy !req
32. What's he ever done to you?Copy !req
33. It is the way of the world, Baldrick.Copy !req
34. The abused always kick downwards.Copy !req
35. I'm annoyed
and so I kick the cat, the cat...Copy !req
36. pounces on the mouse,Copy !req
37. - and finally the mouse...
- Argh!Copy !req
38. bites you on the behind.Copy !req
39. - What do I do?
- Nothing.Copy !req
40. You are last in God's great chain.Copy !req
41. Unless of course, there's an earwig
around that you'd like to victimise.Copy !req
42. Baldrick, what's happened
to your nose?Copy !req
43. Nice, innit?Copy !req
44. No, it isn't. It's revolting.Copy !req
45. Oh, I'll take it off then.Copy !req
46. Baldrick, why are you
wearing a false boil?Copy !req
47. What are we to expect next?Copy !req
48. A beauty wart? A cosmetic verruca?Copy !req
49. - It's a Scarlet Pimple, sir.
- Really?Copy !req
50. Yeah, they're all the rage down our way.Copy !req
51. Everyone wants to express
their admirationCopy !req
52. for the great Pimple
and his brilliant disguises.Copy !req
53. And what's that revolting garlic smell?Copy !req
54. Baldrick, what has this fellow done?Copy !req
55. Apart from pop over to France,Copy !req
56. to grab a few French nobs
from the ineffectual clutchesCopy !req
57. of some malnourished, whingeing lefties,Copy !req
58. taking the opportunity,
while there, no doubt,Copy !req
59. to pick up some really good cheap wineCopy !req
60. and some of their
marvelous open fruit flans!Copy !req
61. Doesn't anyone know? We hate the French.
We fight wars against them.Copy !req
62. Did all those men die in vain
on the field of Agincourt?Copy !req
63. Was the man who burnt Joan of Arc
simply wasting good matches?Copy !req
64. Ah, His Royal Highness,
the Pinhead of Wales summons me.Copy !req
65. You know, I feel almost well-disposed
towards him this morning.Copy !req
66. Utter chump though he may be,
at least he's not French.Copy !req
67. Un toast! Encore un toast! I say.Copy !req
68. - Le Pimpernel Scarlet!
- Le Pimpernel Scarlet!Copy !req
69. Ah! Le Adder Nair/Come you in!Copy !req
70. This is the fellow to ask, you chaps.Copy !req
71. My butler. Terribly clever.
Brighter than a brain pie.Copy !req
72. Ah, Blackadder, we're trying to guess
who the Scarlet Pimpernel is,Copy !req
73. so we can send him an enormous
postal order to express our admiration.Copy !req
74. Any ideas?Copy !req
75. Well, I'm sure if you address
the envelope toCopy !req
76. "The Biggest Show-off in London",
it would reach him eventually.Copy !req
77. Tish and pish!Copy !req
78. Gadzooks! Malarkey!Copy !req
79. How dare you say such a thing?Copy !req
80. Damn you, sir,
if you're not the worst kind of swine!Copy !req
81. Damn that swine!Copy !req
82. I'm sorry, sir.
I was merely pointing outCopy !req
83. that sneaking aristocrats out from under
the noses of French revolutionariesCopy !req
84. is as about as difficult
as putting on a hat.Copy !req
85. Sink me, sir, this is treason!Copy !req
86. The Scarlet Pimpernel is a hero.Copy !req
87. And the revolution is orchestrated
by a ruthless bandCopy !req
88. of highly organised killers!Copy !req
89. - Damn them.
- Damn those organised killers!Copy !req
90. George, if I remember rightly,Copy !req
91. we were just discussing
the French Embassy BallCopy !req
92. in honor of the exiled aristocracy.Copy !req
93. We certainly were.Copy !req
94. Where I intend to wear
the most magnificent pair of trousersCopy !req
95. ever to issue forth from the delicate
hands of Messers Snibcock and Turkey,Copy !req
96. couturiers to the very wealthy
and the extremely fat.Copy !req
97. If the Pimpernel
does finally reveal himself,Copy !req
98. I don't want to get caught out
wearing boring trousers.Copy !req
99. Damn those boring trousers!Copy !req
100. Well, what say we bet
your cocksure domestic 1,000 guineasCopy !req
101. that he can't go to France,
rescue an aristocratCopy !req
102. and present him at the ball.Copy !req
103. Ha! That's turned you white, hasn't it?Copy !req
104. That's frightened you, you lily-livered,Copy !req
105. caramel-kidneyed, custard-coloured cad.Copy !req
106. - Not so buoyant now, are you, eh? Eh?
- Eh?Copy !req
107. On the contrary, sir.
I'll just go and pack.Copy !req
108. Oh.Copy !req
109. Perhaps Lord Smedley
and Lord Topper will accompany me.Copy !req
110. I'm sure it'll be a fairly easy trip.Copy !req
111. The odd death defying leap,
and a modest amount of dental torture.Copy !req
112. Want to come?Copy !req
113. - Oh, no! Damn!
- Oh, no! Damn!Copy !req
114. Any day now,
I've got an appointment with my doctor.Copy !req
115. I've got a bit of a sniffle coming on,
I can feel it in my bones.Copy !req
116. Damn bones, damn bones, damn...Copy !req
117. What about next week?Copy !req
118. Oh, come on, you chaps,
get your diaries out, come on.Copy !req
119. Alright.Copy !req
120. - Damn.
- Damn.Copy !req
121. - I've left it behind!
- Behind!Copy !req
122. And, besides, I've just remembered,
my father's just died.Copy !req
123. I've got to be at his funeral
in 10 minutes. Damn sorry!Copy !req
124. Goodbye, your Highness!Copy !req
125. Oh, damn!Copy !req
126. I'm the best man.Copy !req
127. Damn that dead father!
Damn him! Goodbye.Copy !req
128. See you at the ball.Copy !req
129. Oh, what a shame they were so busy.Copy !req
130. It would have been lovely
to have had them with us.Copy !req
131. - Us?
- Yes.Copy !req
132. - You're coming, sir?
- Oh, certainly.Copy !req
133. Ah.Copy !req
134. And nothing I can sayCopy !req
135. about the mind-bending horrors
of the revolution could put you off?Copy !req
136. Absolutely not!Copy !req
137. Now, come on, Blackadder,
let's get packing.Copy !req
138. I want to look my best
for those fabulous French birds.Copy !req
139. Sir, the type of women
currently favoured in FranceCopy !req
140. are toothless crones
who just cackle insanely.Copy !req
141. Oh, ignore that,
they're just playing hard to get.Copy !req
142. By removing all their teeth,
going mad and aging 40 years?Copy !req
143. That's right, the little teasers!Copy !req
144. Well, come on, um...
I think a blend of silks and satins.Copy !req
145. I fear not, sir.Copy !req
146. If we are to stand any chance
of survival in France,Copy !req
147. we shall have to dress
as the smelliest low-life imaginable.Copy !req
148. Oh, yes, what sort of thing?Copy !req
149. Well, sir, let me show you
our Paris Collection.Copy !req
150. Baldrick is wearing
a sheep's bladder jacket,Copy !req
151. with matching dung-ball accessories.Copy !req
152. Hair by Crazy Meg of Bedlam Hair.Copy !req
153. Notice how the overpowering aroma
of rotting pilchardsCopy !req
154. has been woven cunningly
into the ensemble.Copy !req
155. Baldrick, when did you last change
your trousers?Copy !req
156. - I've never changed my trousers.
- Thank you.Copy !req
157. You see the ancient Greeks,
sir, wrote in legendCopy !req
158. of a terrible container in which
all the evils of the world were trapped.Copy !req
159. How prophetic they were.
All they got wrong was the name.Copy !req
160. They called it "Pandora's Box",Copy !req
161. when, of course, they meant
"Bald rick's Trousers".Copy !req
162. It certainly can get a bit whiffy,
there's no doubt about that.Copy !req
163. We are told that
when the box was opened,Copy !req
164. the whole world turned to darkness
because of Pandora's fatal curiosity.Copy !req
165. I charge you now, Baldrick,
for the good of all mankind,Copy !req
166. never allow curiosity to lead you
to open your trousers.Copy !req
167. Nothing of interest lies therein.Copy !req
168. However, Your Highness,
it is trousers exactly like theseCopy !req
169. that you will have to wear
if we are to pass safely into France.Copy !req
170. Yes, well, you know,Copy !req
171. on second thought, I think I might
give this whole thing a miss.Copy !req
172. You know, my tummy's playing up a bit.Copy !req
173. Ah, wish I could come,
but just not poss with this tum.Copy !req
174. I understand perfectly, sir.Copy !req
175. Also, the chances of me scoring
if I look and smell like him are zero.Copy !req
176. That's true, sir.Copy !req
177. We shall return presently
to bid you farewell.Copy !req
178. Mr B, I've been having second thoughts
about this trip to France.Copy !req
179. Oh, why?Copy !req
180. Well, as far as I can see,Copy !req
181. looking and smelling like thisCopy !req
182. there's not much chance
of me scoring, either.Copy !req
183. - Well, Blackadder, this is it.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
184. If I don't make it back,
please write to my motherCopy !req
185. and tell her
that I've been alive all the time,Copy !req
186. it's just that I couldn't be bothered
to get in touch with the old bat.Copy !req
187. Well, of course, old man.
It's the very least I could do.Copy !req
188. We must leave at once.Copy !req
189. The shadows lengthenCopy !req
190. and we have a long and arduous journey
ahead of us.Copy !req
191. Farewell, dear master
and, dare I say, friend.Copy !req
192. Farewell, brave liberator,
and dare I say it, butler.Copy !req
193. Right, stick the kettle on, Balders.Copy !req
194. What, aren't we going to France?Copy !req
195. Of course we're not going to France.Copy !req
196. It's incredibly dangerous there.Copy !req
197. Well, how are you going to win your bet?Copy !req
198. As always, Baldrick, by the use
of the large thing between my ears.Copy !req
199. Oh, your nose.Copy !req
200. No, Baldrick, my brain.Copy !req
201. All we do is lie low here for a week,Copy !req
202. then go to Mrs Miggins', pick up
any old French aristocrat,Copy !req
203. drag him through a puddle,
take him to the ballCopy !req
204. and claim our 1,000 guineas.Copy !req
205. Well, what if the Prince finds us here?Copy !req
206. He can't find his own fly-buttons.
Let alone the kitchen door.Copy !req
207. What a pair of trousers!Copy !req
208. I shall be the belle
of the Embassy Ball!Copy !req
209. Now, how do you put them on? Blackadder!Copy !req
210. Oh, no, damn! He's gone to France.Copy !req
211. Well, I'll do it myself.
Shouldn't be too difficult. Erm...Copy !req
212. Er...Copy !req
213. Well, Baldrick,
what a very pleasant week.Copy !req
214. We must do this more often.Copy !req
215. Yes, I shall certainly chooseCopy !req
216. revolutionary France
for my holiday again next year.Copy !req
217. Now, time to go to work.Copy !req
218. Off to Mrs Miggins'
to pick up any old French toff.Copy !req
219. What do you think that is?Copy !req
220. Well, if I was feeling malicious,Copy !req
221. I'd say it's the Prince still trying
to put his trousers on after a week.Copy !req
222. Oh, damn!Copy !req
223. Ah, Mrs Miggins.Copy !req
224. I'd like a massive plate
of pigs' trotters,Copy !req
225. frogs' legs, and snails' ears, please,Copy !req
226. all drenched in your lovely
Scarlet Pimpernel sauce.Copy !req
227. Not so hostile
to the Frenchies now, Mr B.Copy !req
228. Certainly not, Mrs M.
I'd sooner be hostile to my own servant.Copy !req
229. In fact, I came here specifically
to meet lovely Frenchies.Copy !req
230. Well, Vive to that
and an eclair for both of us!Copy !req
231. Vive, indeed.
Now, what I'm looking for, Mrs M,Copy !req
232. is a particular kind of Frenchie,Copy !req
233. namely one who
is transparently of noble blood,Copy !req
234. but also short on cash.Copy !req
235. Oh, I've got just the fellow for you,Copy !req
236. over there by the window,Copy !req
237. the Comte de Frou-Frou.Copy !req
238. He's pretty down on his luck,Copy !req
239. and he's made that horse's willy
last all morning.Copy !req
240. We have struck garlic!Copy !req
241. - Now you can have some lunch, Baldrick.
- Thank you.Copy !req
242. Le Comte de Frou-Frou, I believe.Copy !req
243. Eh?Copy !req
244. - Do you speak English?
- A little.Copy !req
245. Yes, when you say "a little"
what exactly do you mean?Copy !req
246. I mean, can we talk,
or are we going to spendCopy !req
247. the rest of the afternoon asking
each other the way to the beachCopy !req
248. in very loud voices?Copy !req
249. Ah, no. I can order coffee,
deal with waiters,Copy !req
250. make sexy chit-chat with girls,
that type of thing.Copy !req
251. Oh, good.Copy !req
252. Just don't ask me
to take a physiology classCopy !req
253. or direct a light opera.Copy !req
254. No, I won't.Copy !req
255. Now, listen, Frou-Frou,
would you like to earn some money?Copy !req
256. No, I wouldn't.Copy !req
257. I would like other people to earn it
and then give it to me.Copy !req
258. Just like in France
in the good old days.Copy !req
259. Yes, but this is a chance to return
to the good old days.Copy !req
260. Oh, how I would love that!Copy !req
261. I hate this life! The food is filthy!Copy !req
262. This huge sausage is very suspicious.Copy !req
263. If I didn't know better,
I'd say it was a horse's...Copy !req
264. Yes, yes, all right. Now, listen.Copy !req
265. The plan is this.Copy !req
266. I have a bet on with someone
that I can get a Frenchman out of Paris.Copy !req
267. I want you to be that Frenchman.Copy !req
268. All you have to do
is come to the embassy with me,Copy !req
269. say that I rescued you,Copy !req
270. and then walk away with 50 guineasCopy !req
271. and all the vol-au-Vents
you can stuff in your pockets.Copy !req
272. - What do you say?
- It will be a pleasure.Copy !req
273. If there's one thing we aristocrats
enjoy it's a fabulous party.Copy !req
274. Oh, the music!
Oh, the laughter!Copy !req
275. If only I'd brought my mongoose costume.Copy !req
276. Yes, well, obviously
it hasn't really got going yet.Copy !req
277. I think that is a bit of
an understatement, Frou-Frou.Copy !req
278. I've been at autopsies
with more party atmosphere.Copy !req
279. Don't worry! In a moment we will hear
the sound of music and happy laughter.Copy !req
280. Ah, good evening, my man.Copy !req
281. - Do you speak English?
- A little.Copy !req
282. Good, well just take me
to the Ambassador then, will you?Copy !req
283. Pardon?Copy !req
284. I have rescued an aristocratCopy !req
285. from the clutches
of the evil revolutionaries.Copy !req
286. Please take me to the Ambassador.Copy !req
287. No, I won't.Copy !req
288. I am an evil revolutionaryCopy !req
289. and I have murdered the AmbassadorCopy !req
290. and turned him into paté.Copy !req
291. - Ah.
- And you, aristo-pig, are trapped.Copy !req
292. Pig? Ha!Copy !req
293. You will regret your insolence,
revolutionary dog.Copy !req
294. Dog? Ha!Copy !req
295. You will regret your arrogance,
royalist snake.Copy !req
296. Snake? Ha!Copy !req
297. I'm sorry to interrupt
this very interesting discussion,Copy !req
298. but, really, it is none of my business,Copy !req
299. so I think I'll be on my way.
Come on, Baldrick.Copy !req
300. Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast, English!Copy !req
301. In rescuing this boite de stinky weed,Copy !req
302. you have attempted to pervert
revolutionary justice.Copy !req
303. Do you know what they do
to people who do that?Copy !req
304. They're given a little present
and allowed to go free?Copy !req
305. No.Copy !req
306. They're smacked and told not
to be naughty, but basically let off.Copy !req
307. - No.
- I think I know.Copy !req
308. - What?
- They're put in prison for the nightCopy !req
309. and brutally guillotined in the morning.Copy !req
310. Well done, Baldrick.Copy !req
311. Your little gnome is correct, monsieur.Copy !req
312. Gentlemen!
Welcome to the last day of your life!Copy !req
313. How dare you, you filthy weasel.Copy !req
314. Weasel? Ha!Copy !req
315. You're one to talk, aristo-warthog.Copy !req
316. - Warthog? Ha'
- Ha! ICopy !req
317. Excuse me, Frou-Frou.
Look, mate, me old mate...Copy !req
318. We're both working class.Copy !req
319. We both hate these rich bastards.
I mean, come on.Copy !req
320. Come on, me old mucker.Copy !req
321. Just let me go,
you've got nothing against me.Copy !req
322. On the contrary.Copy !req
323. I hate you English
with your boring trousersCopy !req
324. and your shiny toilet paperCopy !req
325. and your ridiculous preconception
that Frenchmen are great lovers.Copy !req
326. I'm French and I'm hung
like a baby carrotCopy !req
327. and a couple of petits pois.Copy !req
328. Farewell, old mucker,
and death to the aristos!Copy !req
329. - Death to the aristos!
- Shut up, mousebrain!Copy !req
330. Monsieur, why do you
waste your words on this scum?Copy !req
331. Have no fear!Copy !req
332. - The Scarlet Pimpernel will save us.
- Ha! Some hope.Copy !req
333. The Pimpernel is the most
overrated human beingCopy !req
334. since Judas Iscariot won the AD. 31
Best Disciple Competition.Copy !req
335. Well, if he should fail us, here,Copy !req
336. I have these suicide pills.Copy !req
337. One for me, one for you,Copy !req
338. and one for the dwarf.Copy !req
339. - Say thank you, Bald rick.
- Thank you, Mr Frou.Copy !req
340. - Ah, the Pimpernel!
- Hooray!Copy !req
341. Ah, the Ambassador, hooray.Copy !req
342. Hmm, I've got nothing to do.Copy !req
343. So I think I will torture...Copy !req
344. You, aristo-mongrel!Copy !req
345. Mongrel? Ha!
I look forward to it, proletarian skunk!Copy !req
346. Skunk? Ha!Copy !req
347. We'll see about that,
aristocratic happypotamus!Copy !req
348. Happypotamus? Ha!
We'll soon see who's the happypotamus.Copy !req
349. I'm glad to say,Copy !req
350. I don't think you'll be needing
those pills, Mr B.Copy !req
351. Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick,Copy !req
352. or are the words
"I have a cunning plan"Copy !req
353. marching with ill-deserved confidenceCopy !req
354. in the direction of this conversation?Copy !req
355. They certainly are!Copy !req
356. Forgive me if I don't jump up
and down with glee,Copy !req
357. your record in this department
is not exactly 100%.Copy !req
358. - So, what's the plan?
- We do nothing.Copy !req
359. Yep, that's another world-beater.Copy !req
360. Wait, I haven't finished.Copy !req
361. We do nothing until our heads
have actually been cut off.Copy !req
362. And then we spring into action?Copy !req
363. Exactly!Copy !req
364. You know how when
you cut a chicken's head off,Copy !req
365. - it runs round and round the farmyard?
- Yeah.Copy !req
366. Well, we wait until
our heads have been cut off,Copy !req
367. then we run round
and round the farmyard,Copy !req
368. out the farm gate and escape.Copy !req
369. What do you think?Copy !req
370. My opinions are rather difficult
to express in words.Copy !req
371. So, perhaps I can put it this way...Copy !req
372. It doesn't really matter,Copy !req
373. cos the Scarlet Pimpernel
will save us, anyway.Copy !req
374. No, he won't, Baldrick.Copy !req
375. Either I think up an idea,
or tomorrow we die,Copy !req
376. which, Baldrick, I have to tell you,
I have no intention of doing,Copy !req
377. because I want to be young and wild,Copy !req
378. and then I want
to be middle-aged and rich,Copy !req
379. and then I want to be old
and annoy peopleCopy !req
380. by pretending that I'm deaf.Copy !req
381. Just be quiet and let me think.Copy !req
382. - I can't sleep, Mr Blackadder.
- I said, shut up!Copy !req
383. I'm so excited to think
that the Scarlet PimpernelCopy !req
384. will be here at any moment.Copy !req
385. I wish you'd forget
this ridiculous fantasy, Baldrick.Copy !req
386. Even if he did turn up,
the guards would be wokenCopy !req
387. by the scraping noiseCopy !req
388. as he tried to squeeze his massive,
swollen head through the door.Copy !req
389. I couldn't sleep when I was little.Copy !req
390. You still are little, Baldrick.Copy !req
391. Yeah, well, when I was even littler.Copy !req
392. See, we used to live
in this haunted hovel.Copy !req
393. Every night, my family were troubledCopy !req
394. by a visitation from
this disgusting ghoul.Copy !req
395. It was terrible.Copy !req
396. First there was this unholy smell,Copy !req
397. then this tiny, clammy, hairy creatureCopy !req
398. would materialise in the bed
between them.Copy !req
399. Fortunately, I could never
see it myself.Copy !req
400. Yes, tell me, Baldrick,
when you left home,Copy !req
401. did this repulsive entity
mysteriously disappear?Copy !req
402. That very day.Copy !req
403. I think then
that the mystery is solved.Copy !req
404. Now, shut up.Copy !req
405. Either I think of an idea,
or tomorrow we meet our maker.Copy !req
406. In my case, God.
In your case, God knows,Copy !req
407. but I'd be surprised
if he's won any design awards.Copy !req
408. Wait a minute,Copy !req
409. - I've thought of a plan!
- Hooray!Copy !req
410. Also, I thought
of a way to get you to sleep.Copy !req
411. What? Ow!Copy !req
412. Morning, scum.
Did we sleep well?Copy !req
413. Like a tot, thank you.Copy !req
414. But, by jiminy,
you must be feeling thirstyCopy !req
415. after your long night's brutality.Copy !req
416. Drink?Copy !req
417. Oh, non, mere]; not while I'm on duty.Copy !req
418. Ah, perhaps later.Copy !req
419. For you, monsieur, there is no later.Copy !req
420. Because gentlemen,
I am proud to introduceCopy !req
421. France's most vicious woman,Copy !req
422. unexpectedly arrived
from Paris this morning.Copy !req
423. Would you please welcome
Madame Guillotine herself!Copy !req
424. Are these the English pigs?Copy !req
425. Yes, that's us.Copy !req
426. Leave them with me,
Monsieur Ambassadeur.Copy !req
427. I intend to torture them
in a manner so unbearably gruesome,Copy !req
428. even you will not be able to stand it!Copy !req
429. I don't think
I will have a problem, madame.Copy !req
430. No, you will be sick.Copy !req
431. What if I stay for the first few minutesCopy !req
432. and I'll leave if I'm feeling queasy.Copy !req
433. No, you will be sick immediately.Copy !req
434. What if I am sick quietly, in a bag?Copy !req
435. I mean, what is in your mind?Copy !req
436. So! Scum!Copy !req
437. Prepare to be in pain!Copy !req
438. Yes, certainly.Copy !req
439. But first, perhaps,
a toast to your beauty.Copy !req
440. Oh, thank you. Okay.Copy !req
441. Cheers.Copy !req
442. So I expect you were
expecting to be rescued, huh?Copy !req
443. Huh, some bloody hope.Copy !req
444. On the contrary!
I'm just sorry I'm so late.Copy !req
445. What?Copy !req
446. Yes, Gentlemen,
I have come to take you to freedom!Copy !req
447. - Hooray!
- My God, Smedley!Copy !req
448. But I thought you
were an absolute fathead.Copy !req
449. No, just a damn fine actor!Copy !req
450. Thank God I got here before you took
any of those awful suicide pills!Copy !req
451. Yes, I suppose, if someone had taken oneCopy !req
452. and wished that he hadn't,
he'd be able to do something about it.Copy !req
453. No, no, they're very
odd things, you see.Copy !req
454. The symptoms are most peculiar.Copy !req
455. First of all, the victims become
very, very depressed.Copy !req
456. Oh, God!Copy !req
457. This whole revolution is so depressing,Copy !req
458. I mean, sometimes
I wonder why I bother.Copy !req
459. I mean, I'm so lonely,
and nobody loves me.Copy !req
460. And after the depression comes death?Copy !req
461. No, after the depression
comes the loss of temper,Copy !req
462. you stuck-up bastard!Copy !req
463. - What are you staring at?
- Oh.Copy !req
464. And after the temper comes death?Copy !req
465. No! After the temper comes the, er...Copy !req
466. - Comes the, er...
- Forgetfulness?Copy !req
467. - Er, yes, that's it. Er, comes the...
- Forgetfulness.Copy !req
468. Yes, yes.
Right in the middle of a thingy,Copy !req
469. you completely forget what it was you...
Oh, nice pair of shoes!Copy !req
470. And after the forgetfulness, you die?Copy !req
471. Oh, no! I forgot one!Copy !req
472. After the forgetfulness
comes a moment of exquisite happiness!Copy !req
473. Jumping up and down,
and waving your arms in the air,Copy !req
474. and knowing that in a minute
we're all going to be free! Free! Free!Copy !req
475. - And then death?
- No, you jump in the corner first.Copy !req
476. - Hooray! It's the Scarlet Pimpernel!
- Yes, Baldrick.Copy !req
477. - And you killed him!
- Yes, Baldrick.Copy !req
478. What's the bloody point
of being the Scarlet PimpernelCopy !req
479. if you're going to fall for
the old poisoned cup routine?Copy !req
480. Scarlet Pimpernel, my foot.
Scarlet Git, more like it.Copy !req
481. Wait! Here's our chance to escape!Copy !req
482. But what about Mr Frou?Copy !req
483. Forget Frou-Frou.Copy !req
484. I wouldn't pick my nose
to save his life.Copy !req
485. Ah, Frou-Frou, my old friend
and comrade, what are you doing here?Copy !req
486. I escaped! What happened here?Copy !req
487. Oh, er, nothing, nothing.Copy !req
488. Er, I thought for a moment
the Scarlet Pimpernel had saved you.Copy !req
489. Ah, chaps, good to see you.Copy !req
490. Just trying on the new trousers.Copy !req
491. I return, sir, as promised,Copy !req
492. plus one toff French aristocrat
fresh from the Bastille.Copy !req
493. Ah, pleased to meet you, monsieur.
Do sit down.Copy !req
494. Enchante.Copy !req
495. Damn sorry about the revolution
and all that caper.Copy !req
496. Most awfully bad luck.Copy !req
497. So tell me, Blackadder,
how the devil did you get him out?Copy !req
498. Sir, it's an extraordinary tale
of courage and heroismCopy !req
499. which I blush from telling myself,Copy !req
500. - but seeing as there's no one else...
- I could try.Copy !req
501. We left England in good weather,Copy !req
502. but that was as far as our luck held.Copy !req
503. In the middle of Dover harbor,Copy !req
504. we were struck by a tidal wave.Copy !req
505. And I was forced to swim to BoulogneCopy !req
506. with the unconscious Baldrick
tucked into my trousers.Copy !req
507. Then, we were taken to Paris,Copy !req
508. where I was summarily tried
and condemned to death,Copy !req
509. and then hung by the larger
of my testiclesCopy !req
510. from the walls of the Bastille.Copy !req
511. It was then that
I decided I had had enough.Copy !req
512. Bravo!Copy !req
513. I rescued the Count,Copy !req
514. killed the guards, jumped the moat,Copy !req
515. ran to Versailles,Copy !req
516. where I climbed
into Mr Robespierre's bedroom,Copy !req
517. leaving him a small tray
of milk chocolatesCopy !req
518. and an insulting note.Copy !req
519. The rest was easy.Copy !req
520. That is an incredible story,Copy !req
521. worthy of the Scarlet Pimpernel himself.Copy !req
522. Well, I wouldn't know.Copy !req
523. I, on the other hand, would.Copy !req
524. Because, you see, sir...Copy !req
525. I am the Scarlet Pimpernel.Copy !req
526. - Uh-oh.
- Hooray!Copy !req
527. - Good Lord! Topper!
- Yes, Your Highness.Copy !req
528. But egads and by jingo with dumplings,Copy !req
529. steak and kidneys,
and a good solid helping of sprouts,Copy !req
530. I can't believe it!Copy !req
531. You're the fellow
who has single-handedlyCopy !req
532. saved all those damn Frenchies
from the chop?Copy !req
533. Not quite single-handedly, sir.Copy !req
534. I operated with the help
of my friend, Smedley,Copy !req
535. but he seems to have disappeared
for the moment,Copy !req
536. slightly mysteriously.Copy !req
537. - Shut up, Baldrick.
- Yes, Mr Blackadder.Copy !req
538. So Blackadder rescued
the Scarlet Pimpernel.Copy !req
539. - No, sir, he did not.
- Eh?Copy !req
540. Prepare yourself for a story
of dishonour and deceitCopy !req
541. that will make your stomach turn.Copy !req
542. This is interesting,
isn't it, Blackadder?Copy !req
543. Not only that,Copy !req
544. but I trust it will lead
to the imprisonment of a manCopy !req
545. who is a liar, a bounder and a cad.Copy !req
546. Oh, bravo,Copy !req
547. because we hate liars,
bounders and cads, don't we, Blackadder?Copy !req
548. Generally speaking, yes, sir.Copy !req
549. But perhaps before
Lord Topper starts to talk,Copy !req
550. he might like a glass of wine.Copy !req
551. - He's looking a little shaken.
- Shaken, but not stirred.Copy !req
552. It all began last week.Copy !req
553. I was sitting in Mrs Miggins'
coffee shop when...Copy !req
554. Oh, God!Copy !req
555. All this treachery is so depressing.Copy !req
556. I mean, the whole thing
just makes you incredibly angry!Copy !req
557. And it just makes you want to...Copy !req
558. Nice waistcoat, Your Majesty.Copy !req
559. I'm sorry, I've completely forgotten
what I was talking about.Copy !req
560. A story of dishonour and deceit...Copy !req
561. Oh, that's a great story!
That's great!Copy !req
562. Oh, that's a wonderful story!Copy !req
563. Let me just jump into the corner first.Copy !req
564. Roast my raisins! He's popped it!Copy !req
565. I say, Blackadder, do you think
he really was the Scarlet Pimpernel?Copy !req
566. Well, judging from the ridiculous
ostentatiousness of his death,Copy !req
567. I would say that he was.Copy !req
568. Well, then, that's a damn shame,Copy !req
569. because I wanted to give him
this enormous postal order.Copy !req
570. Please, sir, let me finish.Copy !req
571. I would say that he wasn't.Copy !req
572. You see, the Scarlet Pimpernel
would never, ever reveal his identity.Copy !req
573. That's his great secret.Copy !req
574. So what you're actually looking forCopy !req
575. is someone who has,
say, just been to FranceCopy !req
576. and rescued an aristocrat,Copy !req
577. but when asked,
"Are you the Scarlet Pimpernel?"Copy !req
578. He replies, "Absolutely not."Copy !req
579. But, wait a minute!
Blackadder, you've just been to France,Copy !req
580. and you've rescued a French aristocrat.Copy !req
581. Oh, Blackadder,
are you the Scarlet Pimpernel?Copy !req
582. Absolutely not, sir.Copy !req
583. Hooray!Copy !req