1. Bye-bye.Copy !req
2. I just got reservations
at Michelle's...Copy !req
3. and tickets to The Music Man
to celebrate...Copy !req
4. our first holiday
as a betrothed couple.Copy !req
5. - "Betrothed."
- Betrothed couple.Copy !req
6. - Hey.
Hi.Copy !req
7. - Aw.
- Oh.Copy !req
8. - Pheebs?
Uh-huh?Copy !req
9. Skull?Copy !req
10. Oh. Yeah, it's my mom's.Copy !req
11. Oh, my God!Copy !req
12. No, no, no. It's not my mom.Copy !req
13. It belonged to my mom.Copy !req
14. She used to put it out
every Christmas...Copy !req
15. to remind us that even though
it's Christmas, people still die.Copy !req
16. And you can put candy in it.Copy !req
17. - Hey.
Hey.Copy !req
18. Licorice?Copy !req
19. Sure. Ha, ha.Copy !req
20. - I get Ben for the holidays this year.
- That's great!Copy !req
21. - Are you gonna dress up as Santa?
- Nope.Copy !req
22. I know Susan does every year.Copy !req
23. I want to take this year
to teach him about Hanukkah.Copy !req
24. And maybe I could teach Ben...Copy !req
25. about the Christmas skull
and how people die.Copy !req
26. You may need to use this year
to teach Ben about Phoebe.Copy !req
27. Mm.Copy !req
28. Hey.Copy !req
29. - Did you know he was in there?
- No.Copy !req
30. - How long have we been home?
- About half an hour.Copy !req
31. Lovely.Copy !req
32. You know what I was thinking?
When we get married, will you, uh...Copy !req
33. change your name to "Bing"?Copy !req
34. No.Copy !req
35. Why not?Copy !req
36. Bing's weird.Copy !req
37. Oh, hey, you guys.Copy !req
38. Hey.Copy !req
39. Guess what?Copy !req
40. My landlord just called.
My apartment's gonna be ready soon.Copy !req
41. I guess I'll be moving out.Copy !req
42. Aw, Phoebe, I'm gonna miss you.Copy !req
43. Yes, you will be very sad.Copy !req
44. - I gotta go tell Rachel the good news.
- Oh. You'll be living together again?Copy !req
45. - Why not?
- She's having so much fun with Joey...Copy !req
46. I assumed she'd still
be living with him.Copy !req
47. Why do you think
she's having so much fun?Copy !req
48. No reason, except she...Copy !req
49. told me.Copy !req
50. She said she didn't want
to live with me?Copy !req
51. No. No, she didn't say that.Copy !req
52. I think you should talk to Monica now.Copy !req
53. Phoebe, I'm sure
she wants to live with you.Copy !req
54. You're absolutely sure?Copy !req
55. No, but I'll bet she probably does.Copy !req
56. Oh, probably?Copy !req
57. I don't like that word.Copy !req
58. I know what "probably" really means.
Yeah, uh-huh, yeah.Copy !req
59. "Oh, your mom
probably won't kill herself."Copy !req
60. You know. I'm sorry,
but I'm not hanging my hopes...Copy !req
61. of Rachel and I living together
on "probably."Copy !req
62. You gotta take care of yourself
in this world.Copy !req
63. History teaches us nothing.Copy !req
64. Bing doesn't seem so weird now,
does it?Copy !req
65. You're home.Copy !req
66. Guess what Phoebe got me
for Christmas?Copy !req
67. - Drums?
- No, drums!Copy !req
68. Could we get
two burritos to go, please? Ha, ha.Copy !req
69. I'm sorry. But not that sorry,
you don't have to live with it.Copy !req
70. Um, we have a reservation under Bing.Copy !req
71. Okay, we'll have a table for you
in about 45 minutes.Copy !req
72. We have tickets
to The Music Man at 8.Copy !req
73. I'm sorry.
Christmas is a very busy time, sir.Copy !req
74. Is this because of the burrito thing?Copy !req
75. - You need to give him money.
- It was a joke!Copy !req
76. To get a table. Places like this
are always shaking you down.Copy !req
77. - Everybody wants a payoff.
- All right, calm down, O'Malley.Copy !req
78. - I'll slip him some money.
- But you've got to be smooth.Copy !req
79. Hey, I can be smooth.Copy !req
80. We're in a hurry.
If you could get us a table...Copy !req
81. a bit quicker, I'd appreciate it.Copy !req
82. - Of course, sir.
- Okay.Copy !req
83. - How'd it go?
- Had the money in the wrong hand.Copy !req
84. You don't feel...Copy !req
85. like you're gonna throw up?
- No.Copy !req
86. Well, I do. So let's...Copy !req
87. So, Ben, you, uh...Copy !req
88. You know what holiday is coming up?Copy !req
89. Christmas.Copy !req
90. Yeah, and you know what
other holiday is coming up?Copy !req
91. Christmas Eve.Copy !req
92. Yes, but also...Copy !req
93. Hanukkah!Copy !req
94. See, you're part Jewish
and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.Copy !req
95. Santa has reindeers that can fly.Copy !req
96. Right, um, but on Hanukkah...Copy !req
97. Hanukkah is a celebration
of a miracle.Copy !req
98. Years and years ago there were
these people called the Maccabees.Copy !req
99. Jingle bells, jingle bellsCopy !req
100. Okay, that's right. Yes...Copy !req
101. but on Hanukkah, we sing, uh:Copy !req
102. Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel
I made you out of clayCopy !req
103. Rudolph the red-nosed reindeerCopy !req
104. Ha, ha. Okay, it's not a contest.Copy !req
105. When is Santa coming?Copy !req
106. How about this year,
instead of Santa...Copy !req
107. we have fun celebrating Hanukkah?Copy !req
108. No Santa?Copy !req
109. Was I bad?Copy !req
110. No, no, no, you weren't bad.
You've been very good, Ben.Copy !req
111. - Santa's mad at me.
- No, hey, hey, come on.Copy !req
112. Ben, Santa is not mad at you, okay?Copy !req
113. You're his favorite little guy.Copy !req
114. So Santa's coming?Copy !req
115. Yes!Copy !req
116. Santa's coming.Copy !req
117. It's easy. Just keep it casual.Copy !req
118. Shake his hand and give him the money.Copy !req
119. - How do you know so much about this?
- I don't know.Copy !req
120. Richard used to do it, didn't he?Copy !req
121. We'd be eating our soup right now.Copy !req
122. Mustached bastard.Copy !req
123. Those people just left. Come on.
Quick, give him the money.Copy !req
124. Excuse me.Copy !req
125. We're in a bit of a hurry.
Can we please?Copy !req
126. Ah-ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
127. Ha!Copy !req
128. So you like the drums.Copy !req
129. That's great.Copy !req
130. I was worried that
they would create maybe...Copy !req
131. an unbearable living situation.Copy !req
132. But, okay, well, apparently not.
So, yay!Copy !req
133. Hey, we already learned a song.Copy !req
134. Ready? One, two, three, four.Copy !req
135. Tequila!Copy !req
136. That's fun.Copy !req
137. Here you go.Copy !req
138. Thank you, Gunther.
Put her there.Copy !req
139. Definitely not easier with coins.Copy !req
140. Thank you.Copy !req
141. - Hey, Pheebs.
Hey.Copy !req
142. Here. Now I only owe you $49.50.Copy !req
143. - Hey, Pheebs.
- Hey.Copy !req
144. If you want to get Joey a gift
that disrupts the entire building...Copy !req
145. why not something more subtle...Copy !req
146. like a wrecking ball...Copy !req
147. or a vial of smallpox
to release in the hallway?Copy !req
148. It's not just the drum noise.
Every five minutes...Copy !req
149. Joey throws his sticks
in the air...Copy !req
150. and I have to hear:
"Oh, my eye! Oh, God, my eye!"Copy !req
151. - I mean, it's so annoying.
- Yes, thank you.Copy !req
152. You see, this is how normal people
are supposed to react to drums.Copy !req
153. You got Joey drums to annoy Rachel...Copy !req
154. so she wouldn't want
to live there anymore?Copy !req
155. Maybe on some level.Copy !req
156. You could just not throw the sticks
up in the air.Copy !req
157. What is rock 'n' roll about that?Copy !req
158. Hey, Joey, I got you another present.Copy !req
159. Hold it!
Before you tell me what it is...Copy !req
160. Okay, what is it?Copy !req
161. It's a...Copy !req
162. tarantula!Copy !req
163. Oh.Copy !req
164. God, Rachel, I'm sorry.
What was I thinking...Copy !req
165. giving Joey this big, gross,
scary spider...Copy !req
166. in such a poorly constructed cage?Copy !req
167. What are you talking about?
I love them.Copy !req
168. I had a tarantula when I was a kid.
But it died because my cat ate it.Copy !req
169. And then my cat died.Copy !req
170. But, Joey, isn't this cool?Copy !req
171. Is it on me?
I feel like it's on me. I got...Copy !req
172. Oh, isn't that adorable?Copy !req
173. - Joey is afraid of the tarantula.
Oh.Copy !req
174. He's so adorable.Copy !req
175. He's so much fun.Copy !req
176. I'm glad you're having
so much fun here.Copy !req
177. Whoa. Wait a minute.Copy !req
178. What's the matter?Copy !req
179. Our apartment is ready.Copy !req
180. And that makes you angry because?Copy !req
181. Because you'd rather
live here with Joey.Copy !req
182. - Where did you get that?
- Monica and Chandler...Copy !req
183. said you were having
so much fun here...Copy !req
184. and apparently no amount of drums
or tarantulas is gonna change that.Copy !req
185. Did you get all this stuff for Joey...Copy !req
186. to try to drive me out
of the apartment?Copy !req
187. You might as well
have gotten him a fish.Copy !req
188. You know how fish freak me out.Copy !req
189. Fish.Copy !req
190. But it wouldn't have mattered.
We're gonna live together.Copy !req
191. That's the deal.Copy !req
192. Yes, but I wanted you to want
to live with me.Copy !req
193. But if you're having
so much fun over here...Copy !req
194. Oh. It's so much more fun with you.Copy !req
195. - We did have fun, didn't we?
- We did.Copy !req
196. They say if we want,
we could see it tonight.Copy !req
197. - I would love to.
- Yay, okay!Copy !req
198. - Good, good, good.
- Great. All right. Good.Copy !req
199. And Monica asked me
to make the drumming stop.Copy !req
200. Um, ahem.Copy !req
201. Done.Copy !req
202. Hey.Copy !req
203. Hello, sir.
You here to return those pants?Copy !req
204. No, these are my pants.Copy !req
205. Oh.Copy !req
206. Okay.Copy !req
207. - How can I help you?
- Um, do you have a Santa outfit left?Copy !req
208. Two days before Christmas?
Sorry, man.Copy !req
209. Okay, look.
Do you have anything, uh, Christmas-y?Copy !req
210. I promised my son, and I really
don't want to disappoint him.Copy !req
211. Um, come on,
you gotta have something.Copy !req
212. I'm the Holiday Armadillo!Copy !req
213. I'm a friend of Santa's...Copy !req
214. and he sent me here to wish you...Copy !req
215. a merry Christmas!Copy !req
216. What happened to Santa,
Holiday Armadillo?Copy !req
217. Santa was unavailable...Copy !req
218. so close to Christmas.Copy !req
219. Come in, have a seat.Copy !req
220. You must be exhausted,
coming all the way from Texas.Copy !req
221. - Texas?
- That's right, Ben.Copy !req
222. I'm Santa's representative...Copy !req
223. for all the Southern states.Copy !req
224. And Mexico!Copy !req
225. But Santa sent me here...Copy !req
226. to give you these presents, Ben.Copy !req
227. Maybe the lady will help me
with these presents.Copy !req
228. Wow, thanks!Copy !req
229. You're welcome, Ben.Copy !req
230. Merry Christmas. Ooh.Copy !req
231. And happy Hanukkah!Copy !req
232. Are you for Hanukkah too?
Because I'm part Jewish.Copy !req
233. You are? Me too.Copy !req
234. Because armadillos
also wandered in the desert?Copy !req
235. You want to wander in the hall?Copy !req
236. Oh. Hey, Ben!Copy !req
237. What if the Holiday Armadillo...Copy !req
238. told you all about
the Festival of Lights?Copy !req
239. Cool!Copy !req
240. Come on, Ben.Copy !req
241. Years and years ago...Copy !req
242. there were these people called...Copy !req
243. the Maccabees!Copy !req
244. Ho-ho-ho. Merry Christmas!Copy !req
245. Santa!Copy !req
246. Hey.Copy !req
247. What are you doing here, Santa?Copy !req
248. Well, I'm here to see
my old buddy, Ben.Copy !req
249. What are you doing here...Copy !req
250. Weird Turtle Man?Copy !req
251. I'm the Holiday Armadillo...Copy !req
252. your part-Jewish friend.Copy !req
253. You sent me here
to give Ben some presents.Copy !req
254. Remember?Copy !req
255. What?Copy !req
256. Did you bring me any presents, Santa?Copy !req
257. You bet I did, Ben.Copy !req
258. Put her there.Copy !req
259. Well, it would have worked this time
if his hands weren't so damn small.Copy !req
260. Ho-ho-ho.Copy !req
261. Ben, come open more presents.Copy !req
262. Santa, the armadillo and I
will have a talk in the kitchen.Copy !req
263. There's a sentence
I never thought I'd say.Copy !req
264. What are you doing?Copy !req
265. You said you were having trouble
finding a Santa costume...Copy !req
266. so I borrowed one
from a guy at work.Copy !req
267. Thank you, but you gotta leave.Copy !req
268. - Why?
- Because...Copy !req
269. I'm finally getting him excited
about Hanukkah...Copy !req
270. and you're wrecking it.Copy !req
271. But I didn't get to shake my belly
like a bowlful of jelly.Copy !req
272. I'm sorry, Chandler,
but this is really important to me.Copy !req
273. Fine, I'll give the suit back.Copy !req
274. Hey, you think you can keep it
another night?Copy !req
275. Santa, really?Copy !req
276. Yeah, is that okay?Copy !req
277. Did your dad ever dress up like Santa?Copy !req
278. - No.
- Then it's okay!Copy !req
279. Okay, Ben. Santa has to go.Copy !req
280. Say goodbye.Copy !req
281. No, why does he have to go?Copy !req
282. Because if Santa and the Holiday...Copy !req
283. Armadillo...Copy !req
284. are ever in the same room
for too long...Copy !req
285. the universe will implode!Copy !req
286. Merry Christmas!Copy !req
287. No, why can't the armadillo leave?
I want Santa.Copy !req
288. Fine, I give up. Santa...Copy !req
289. Santa can stay!Copy !req
290. Well, I'll stay...Copy !req
291. but only because I want to hear
about Hanukkah.Copy !req
292. Ben, will you sit here with Santa...Copy !req
293. and learn about Hanukkah?Copy !req
294. Okay, Santa.Copy !req
295. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
296. All right, it's time...Copy !req
297. for the story of Hanukkah.Copy !req
298. Years and years ago...Copy !req
299. there were these people
called the Maccabees!Copy !req
300. Merry Christmas!Copy !req
301. Oh, wow, look at this place!Copy !req
302. Oh, this is terrible.Copy !req
303. They've made so many changes...Copy !req
304. I can't even feel
my grandmother's presence anymore.Copy !req
305. Oh, new sconces!Copy !req
306. - Oh, my God!
- What?Copy !req
307. Remember, uh, how you told me
your grandmother put up that wall...Copy !req
308. to make that into two bedrooms?
- Yeah.Copy !req
309. And that the landlord
might find out...Copy !req
310. and then tear it down?
- Yeah?Copy !req
311. Do you really not know
where I'm going?Copy !req
312. It left. It's one huge room.Copy !req
313. Oh, no!Copy !req
314. Wow!Copy !req
315. See?Copy !req
316. I guess we'll have to
put the wall back up.Copy !req
317. - You can't because of the new skylight.
- There's a skylight?Copy !req
318. Wow!Copy !req
319. Oh. So should we start looking
for a new place?Copy !req
320. You know, I'm sensing...Copy !req
321. that, um, my grandmother
would not be comfortable with that.Copy !req
322. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
323. Starting to feel her again there,
are we?Copy !req
324. - A little bit. Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
325. Is your grandmother maybe saying
that you should live here alone?Copy !req
326. You heard it too? You have the gift.Copy !req
327. Phoebe, it's okay.Copy !req
328. I like living with Joey.Copy !req
329. - Are you sure?
- Please. I hate packing...Copy !req
330. it's closer to work.Copy !req
331. And we do have fun.Copy !req
332. Although, I'm really gonna miss
living with you.Copy !req
333. - Oh, me too.
- I know.Copy !req
334. Oh. Did you hear that?Copy !req
335. I'm getting something
from your grandmother.Copy !req
336. She said since you get to keep
the one-bedroom apartment...Copy !req
337. you should give Rachel
the purple chair.Copy !req
338. No, I do not hear that.Copy !req
339. And the miracle was that
that little bit of oil...Copy !req
340. that should have lasted
just one day, burned for...Copy !req
341. - Eight whole days.
That's right.Copy !req
342. And that's why we celebrate
Hanukkah today. The end.Copy !req
343. - Awesome.
- Yeah.Copy !req
344. My favorite part...Copy !req
345. was when Superman
flew all the Jews out of Egypt.Copy !req
346. The armadillo was actually
not so thrilled about that part.Copy !req
347. Okay, Ben, it's time to light...Copy !req
348. the Hanukkah candles!Copy !req
349. Ho-ho-ho.Copy !req
350. Hey.Copy !req
351. - Oh.
- Wow.Copy !req
352. Looks like the Easter Bunny's
funeral in here.Copy !req
353. Come on, come on.
We're lighting the candles.Copy !req
354. Oh, oh.Copy !req
355. I understand why Superman is here...Copy !req
356. but why is there a porcupine
at the Easter Bunny's funeral?Copy !req
357. You get it?
- I got it.Copy !req
358. Back in the cage?Copy !req
359. It's back in the cage.Copy !req
360. Is the cage closed?Copy !req
361. Joey, will you just come out here
and stop being such a baby?Copy !req