1. Happy birthday!
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2. Happy birthday!
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3. - Rach, come on.
Come on.
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4. It's your birthday.
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5. Hey.
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6. She's not as pretty as she was
when she was 29.
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7. Ms. Green wants to establish
some ground rules before she comes out.
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8. She would appreciate it if you didn't
use the words "old" or "downhill"...
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9. or "They still look pretty damn good."
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10. They do.
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11. Rachel, come on out.
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12. Monica made breakfast.
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13. Chocolate chip pancakes.
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14. We've got presents.
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15. Good ones?
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16. They all came from the list
you handed out to us two weeks ago.
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17. Well, can I keep the presents
and still be 29?
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18. Come on, Rach, look,
turning 30 is not that big a deal.
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19. Oh, really? Is that how you felt
when you turned 30?
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20. Why, God, why?
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21. We had a deal.
Let the others grow old, not me.
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22. Oh, come on, you guys, is it just me?
Am I overreacting?
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23. No, Rach, it is not just you. My 30th
birthday certainly wasn't that much fun.
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24. And now Chandler.
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25. We're all getting so old.
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26. Why are you doing this to us?
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27. Rach, you're in a great place in your life.
You have an amazing job, good friends.
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28. Your roommate's a soap opera star.
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29. Your character is in a coma.
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30. I promised myself
I wasn't gonna cry at this one.
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31. I know my life's going pretty well,
but I see so many people...
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32. who've accomplished so many
of their goals by the time they're 30.
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33. Yeah, but you shouldn't
compare yourself to me.
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34. Come on, Phoebe.
You can do it.
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35. Come on. There you go.
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36. I did it.
One mile on a Hippity Hop.
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37. That's it. That's everything I wanted to do
before I was 30.
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38. Oh, except I wanted to
patch things up with my sister.
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39. Oh, well. But, yay!
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40. And, girls, this thing is a godsend,
if you know what I mean. Heh.
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41. Come on, let's have some fun, huh?
What do you want to do today?
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42. Nothing. I don't want to do anything.
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43. Doing nothing on your 30th is better
than doing something stupid, like Ross.
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44. Hey, that was a practical purchase.
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45. I needed that car for transportation.
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46. Okay? I have a child.
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47. How hot do I look in this, huh?
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48. Ross, a sports car?
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49. Wouldn't it be cheaper
to just stuff a sock down there?
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50. That's not what this is about, okay?
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51. I am a sports car enthusiast.
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52. - I've always been into cars.
- What's the horsepower on this thing?
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53. I don't know, but look how shiny.
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54. - I can't believe you bought this.
- So can I have a ride, stud?
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55. Hop in.
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56. Get ready for the smoothest ride
of your life.
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57. Damn it.
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58. Okay, who's next?
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59. You know what?
I am gonna do something today.
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60. I'm not just gonna sit around
like some old lady.
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61. I want to get something pierced.
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62. Like my, uh, nose
or my tongue or something.
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63. Really? Because, you know, that hurts.
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64. So what? You know, the way I see it...
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65. Ow! Son of a bitch.
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66. Look, Rachel,
I know what you're going through.
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67. I'm totally freaked out about turning 25.
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68. Get out of my apartment.
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69. Rach, for what it's worth,
I think that you're doing great.
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70. I mean, let's face it,
no one handles this well.
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71. Heh. Least of all you.
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72. Would you put that back on.
Monica's gonna be here any minute.
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73. But it hurts my Joey's apple.
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74. Okay, for the last time,
it's not named after each individual man.
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75. You've done a wonderful job
with this party, Chandler.
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76. - Everything looks so lovely.
- Oh, well, not as lovely as you.
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77. I mean, I can't believe
you would have a 30-year-old daughter.
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78. And you, I can't believe
you would have a tux that's 30 years old.
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79. It's older than that. Ross was actually
conceived right near this tuxedo.
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80. Oh.
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81. Okay, everybody hide.
I saw her. She's coming.
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82. Okay, okay. Everybody down.
Everybody down.
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83. Okay, everybody stay here.
I will find out what's going on.
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84. Hey, you got the door open.
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85. Hey, are you drunk?
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86. No.
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87. Okay.
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88. Whoa.
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89. Okay.
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90. See, I was a little nervous
about turning...
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91. 30.
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92. So the busboys
took me out for some drinks.
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93. Might want to puke on you later.
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94. Okay, here's the thing. We have thrown
a very formal surprise party for you.
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95. All your friends are in there
and your parents.
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96. - No.
- Yes.
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97. Oh, no. My parents have never
seen me drunk.
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98. That they know of.
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99. Here's the thing. We'll get you some coffee
and they will never know that you're drunk.
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100. - Really, you promise?
- Yeah, I'll take care of it.
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101. I love you so much.
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102. Okay, we have to do something
about your breath.
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103. What about your breath?
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104. That's still yours.
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105. Okay, now, remember,
it's a surprise party.
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106. So when you go in, act surprised.
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107. - Okay.
- Okay. Shh.
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108. Ready?
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109. Surprise!
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110. Okay, forward. Forward.
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111. Stop!
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112. Okay, back... Stop!
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113. Okay, for... Stop! Stop! Stop!
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114. Okay. Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
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115. I'm gonna break into this minivan,
put it in neutral.
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116. You guys push it forward
so Ross can drive out of the spot.
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117. Okay? All right. Here we go.
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118. Haul ass!
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119. Happy 30th birthday. Here.
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120. It's for the child in you.
And the woman.
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121. Happy 30th.
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122. Why do you keep saying that?
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123. Because it's our 30th birthday.
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124. Yeah, no, we're not 30.
We're 31. Okay.
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125. Wait.
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126. Oh, it's you.
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127. Yeah. What?
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128. Yeah, we're not 30. We're 31.
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129. Nuh-uh.
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130. Yuh-huh. That's what it says
on my birth certificate.
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131. You have your birth certificate?
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132. Yeah, I got a big box of family stuff
when my mom died.
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133. Our mom.
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134. Right. Okay.
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135. - Do you have my birth certificate?
- No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway.
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136. Oh, my God.
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137. Oh, my God, we are 31.
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138. Yeah.
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139. I just lost a whole year of my life.
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140. Okay.
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141. - Your middle name is Pamela?
- Yes.
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142. Oh, I never knew mine.
Do you remember what it is?
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143. Yes. Phoebe.
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144. - That's my first name.
- Right. Okay. Then, no.
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145. Look at that. We made it all the way
across the room. You're doing great.
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146. - What's going on?
- Monica's a little drunk.
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147. Yay, I love drunk Monica.
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148. Oh, she's so much more fun
than regular Monica.
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149. She doesn't want her parents
to know she's drunk.
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150. Oh, all right, all right.
Here's what we'll do.
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151. I'll get twice as drunk as Monica
and then no one's even gonna notice her.
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152. What's going on?
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153. Monica's wasted.
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154. Maybe that'll liven up this party.
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155. Okay, will you just go help her
get changed, please?
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156. Okay, but taking care of a drunk,
naked woman seems like a job for Joey.
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157. Yep.
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158. - This one's from me.
- Ah.
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159. It wasn't on your list,
but hopefully you'll think it's really fun.
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160. A scooter.
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161. Stick to the list.
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162. Always stick to the list.
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163. No, no, no, I love it. Thank you.
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164. Okay, open ours next. Open ours next.
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165. Now that you're a couple,
we don't get two presents from you?
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166. For my last birthday,
you gave me a hug.
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167. - Okay, read the card, read the card.
- Okay.
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168. "Happy birthday, Grandma.
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169. It's better to be over the hill...
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170. than buried under it.
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171. All our love,
Monica and Chandler." That's funny.
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172. No, no, no, no. That was a joke.
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173. I know, I get it. It's funny.
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174. No, because you're not a grandmother.
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175. I know, because to be a grandmother,
you have to be married and have children.
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176. I don't have any of those things.
That's why it's so funny.
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177. I'm just gonna go...
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178. All you had to do was buy the card.
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179. Okay, you know what?
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180. It was stupid to get upset
about not having a husband and kids.
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181. All I really needed was a plan.
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182. See, I wanna have three kids.
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183. Let me guess. And you want to have them
all at the same time...
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184. and you want to have them
for your brother. Ha, ha.
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185. As I was saying...
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186. I should probably have the first
of the three kids by the time I'm 35, right?
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187. Which gives me five years.
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188. So if I wanna have a kid when I'm 35,
I don't have to get pregnant until I'm 34.
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189. Which gives Prada four years
to start making maternity clothes.
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190. Oh, wait, but I do want to be married
for a year before I get pregnant.
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191. Really? That long?
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192. Look all you want, it's happening.
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193. So I don't have to get married
until I'm 33.
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194. That's three years.
That's three whole years.
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195. Oh, wait a minute though.
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196. I'll need a year and a half
to plan the wedding.
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197. And I'd like to know the guy
for like a year, year and a half...
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198. before we get engaged.
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199. Which means I need to meet the guy
by the time I'm 30.
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200. Which is fine,
because you just turned...
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201. 28.
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202. No, Ross. No, it is not fine.
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203. According to my plan, I should already
be with the guy that I'm gonna marry.
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204. Will you quit hogging it?
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205. Oh, I'm telling you, it's like
watching Bambi learn how to walk.
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206. You're drunk.
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207. Mom and Dad are gonna be mad.
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208. Maybe I'm a little drunk.
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209. Hey. Are those crab cakes?
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210. Did I not tell you to come straight to me
when more crab cakes were ready?
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211. How you feeling?
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212. You are so handsome.
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213. I want to make love to you
right here, right now.
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214. I really wish that you wouldn't.
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215. All you have to do is just get through
a little bit more, okay?
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216. Then we can put you in bed, okay?
Just smile and don't talk to anyone.
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217. Speech, speech.
Let's hear from the birthday girl, huh?
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218. Pheebs.
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219. Don't you see,
everybody's looking at me.
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220. The plan's working.
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221. I didn't even have to take off my top yet.
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222. Speech. Come on, speech.
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223. Come on. Speech.
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224. Hey, Chandler, you can't keep
your hands off her for one second.
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225. Oh, I think it's nice.
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226. I think it's necessary.
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227. I wanna thank you all for coming.
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228. My family and my friends.
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229. Whoo-hoo.
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230. I'd really like to say that I'm, um...
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231. You know what I'd really like to say?
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232. I'm drunk.
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233. That's right, Mom and Dad.
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234. Your little "Harmomica" is hammered.
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235. And guess what? I've been drunk before.
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236. And I've smoked a cigarette.
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237. But you know what? You know what?
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238. It's all okay.
It's okay, because I turned 30 today.
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239. And I can do anything I want.
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240. Because I am a grownup.
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241. - Okay, quick. Help me get this off.
- Yeah.
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242. I lost a whole year.
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243. I can't believe it. This is so unfair.
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244. Come on, Pheebs, it'll be okay.
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245. Will it? Will it?
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246. How would you feel if you found out
you were 31?
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247. That's not gonna happen, you know,
because we have a new deal.
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248. Plus, it totally ruined my schedule.
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249. I haven't done any of the things
I wanted to do by the time I was 31.
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250. - Like what?
- Like, okay...
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251. I haven't met any Portuguese people.
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252. I haven't had the perfect kiss.
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253. And I haven't been to sniper school.
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254. Phoebe, why don't we go upstairs
and have some birthday cake?
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255. No, I just feel like being by myself for a
while, all right? I'll see you guys later.
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256. Thanks.
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257. Oh, poor Pheebs.
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258. Hey, you know what, you guys?
I think I'm gonna go walk her home.
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259. - Oh, man.
- What?
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260. He's gonna eat the cake.
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261. Pheebs. Wait up.
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262. Listen, I...
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263. Close your eyes.
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264. Maybe that's one
you can cross off your list.
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265. Oh, yeah. Heh.
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266. Oh, and plus,
I'm one-sixteenth Portuguese.
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267. Okay, is everybody clear?
We're gonna pick it up...
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268. and move it.
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269. All we need is teamwork, okay?
We're gonna lift the car...
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270. and slide it out.
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271. Lift...
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272. and slide.
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273. - Ross, I really don't think this...
- Lift...
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274. and slide.
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275. - Okay, here we go.
All right, everyone.
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276. Lift...
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277. and slide.
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278. - Hey, Joey...
- Oh, come on, Rach, my turn just started.
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279. Actually, I just want to talk to Tag.
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280. Oh, okay.
Hey, can I ride this outside?
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281. - Whatever, okay? I'm not your mother.
- Okay.
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282. - Not in the street!
Yeah.
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283. - Hey.
- Hey.
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284. - How you doing, you feeling any better?
- Yeah, I'm doing okay. I'm, um...
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285. - Let's talk.
- Okay.
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286. - Um...
- What's up?
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287. Uh, Tag, um...
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288. You're such a great guy,
and we have so much fun together.
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289. - But I...
- Wait.
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290. I think I see where you're going.
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291. But before you say anything else,
can I just say one more thing?
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292. Well said.
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293. And a, uh, good example of the fun
I was referring to.
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294. Uh, but, heh, I think I'm past the point
where I can, you know, just have fun.
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295. Rachel, don't do this.
This is just because you're turning 30.
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296. Yeah, it is.
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297. But you're just a kid.
I mean, you're 25.
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298. - Twenty-four, actually.
- Oh, God.
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299. You know what I wish?
I wish you were six years older.
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300. Well, actually, if I'm wishing for stuff,
I actually wish I was six years younger.
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301. - Me too.
- Yeah. I'm sorry.
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302. Hey, how'd it go?
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303. Oh.
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304. If I only want two kids,
can I keep him for another year?
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305. You did the right thing.
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306. I don't like this anymore.
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307. Well, here we are.
Just a bunch of 30-year-olds.
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308. Wow, do you realize in 10 years
we're gonna be 40?
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309. Why, God?
Why are you doing this to us?
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310. Yes. My baby's finally free.
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311. All right.
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312. Start it up. Let's go.
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313. Whoo-hoo!
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314. How hot are we?
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315. You wanna buy a car?
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