Generation Kill 1x1

1. Oscar, Charlie, how copy?

2. Hitman.

3. Yeah, this is Two One, Two Two is ready for your Nine One.

4. Hitman.

5. All Hitman Two Victors, maintain speed.

6. Maintain dispersion 50 meters.

7. Roger that.

8. Copy that.

9. See anything, Garza?

10. Something at 1:00.

11. Four T-55's at 1:00, two clicks.

12. Hitman, this is Hitman Two One.

13. Enemy contact.

14. Four T-55's, 1:00, two clicks.

15. Garza, contact right.

16. Enemy foot mobiles, 4:00, 300 meters by the berm.

17. This is Hitman Two One, Roger that.

18. Misfit Two One, cleared hot, missile away.

19. Yeah, get some!

20. Misfit Two Two...

21. Watch your sector.

22. 1200 and Misfit... 4-0...

23. Misfit Two Two, cleared hot.

24. Missile away.

25. Misfit Two One, stand by for ETA.

26. Is there any contact on the left?

27. Contact right.

28. RPG team, 2:00,

29. 500 meters, behind the truck.

30. Shit.

31. We'll get some later.

32. This is Hitman Two.

33. We have suppressed a ZIL, six by six.

34. Request that Misfit pushes north,

35. sweep flank and search for possible targets.

36. Sweet! We barbecued them Hajis.

37. Whoa, shit!

38. Bravo Two One has a man down!

39. Echo Four Lima is down, over!

40. Lilley's hit.

41. He's hit. He's stopping.

42. Two One Bravo, this is Two One Alpha, interrogative.

43. - Push, push, push! - Get out of the kill zone!

44. I got the wheel.

45. Two Three, make a hole for Two One Bravo.

46. Stop the vehicle!

47. Stop up here. Christopher...

48. Corpsman! Corpsman!

49. I'm on it.

50. We got a man hit.

51. Two One Bravo's got a man hit! Come on!

52. Don't waste the morphine, Doc.

53. My boy's been smoked.

54. Is anybody else hit?

55. How's it feel, motherfucker?

56. How's it feel to be fuckin' dead?

57. Bro, it feels sad.

58. I feel very alone.

59. And also...

60. I gotta take a shit.

61. Damn man, and I had dibs on your video camera.

62. Lilley, you make a nice combat casualty, congrats.

63. Yeah, you got real good.

64. Team leaders, let's do a little after action on this.

65. Hell, yeah!

66. This was the first time the boys got to live-fire

67. any mark-19s or fiddies.

68. Yeah.

69. Might be the only chance we get before we step off.

70. It'd be nice if it were otherwise.

71. It'd also be nice if we got some batteries

72. for the Pec-fours and Pec-thirteens.

73. Our Ops Chief assures me they're coming.

74. I am assured of this.

75. I never seen a 50 cal fuck up a truck before.

76. That was cool.

77. I wonder what it would look like if it hit a person?

78. At least you got to fire yours.

79. She didn't shoot off round one.

80. Hey, Trombley, if you keep

81. talking to your weapon like it's trim,

82. everybody's gonna know you're a total psycho.

83. Good dispersion.

84. Your geometry of fire was legit, you communicated.

85. We were good until Espera's team went down.

86. You slowed your vehicles.

87. You don't stop in a kill zone.

88. You mean maneuver past the vehicle

89. that's down and leave him?

90. You know the SOP.

91. They saw through the ambush.

92. Anybody's left behind,

93. you maneuver to support by fire.

94. None of us are any good to anybody if we're dead.

95. Sir, not to question the SOP, but...

96. if we have a disabled vehicle,

97. the nearest element could stop and evaluate the Marines,

98. while other elements push through

99. and provide support by fire.

100. Yeah, that works, Brad.

101. But only if you don't let emotions

102. take over as you assess the situation.

103. But in principle, that works, it's good.

104. All right, got half an hour

105. to get back to Mathilda for chow.

106. Fuckin' Kuwait, man.

107. Do you believe this shit?

108. These people still haven't picked up

109. the trash from the last war.

110. People have been fighting over this bitch

111. since ancient times, dawg.

112. How many graves are we standing on?

113. Think about all the wisdom and science...

114. and money and civilization it took to build these machines.

115. And the courage of all the men who came here.

116. And the love for their wives and children

117. that was in their hearts.

118. Then all that hate, dawg.

119. All the hate it took to blow these motherfuckers away.

120. It's destiny, dawg.

121. White man's gotta rule the world.

122. Hitman Two Two, this is Two One Bravo.

123. Our gunner has a silhouetted at 9:00 two clicks out.

124. Roger, we glassed it, it's a disabled vehicle.

125. It's static, over.

126. You know, people forget,

127. your brain is the biggest erogenous zone.

128. Yeah, maybe on you.

129. Man, fuck you.

130. Take a look at that.

131. Hey, man, you seen Person?

132. Over there, bro.

133. And this one little Chinese girl had eyes so slanty,

134. you coulda blindfolded her with dental floss, I swear.

135. We called her...

136. you gotta get tight on the motherfucker's windpipe...

137. Right as she's pulling the vibrating egg out,

138. she fuckin' licks my asshole.

139. Hey, Ray, did you get the word, man?

140. J-Lo's dead.

141. Bullshit.

142. Yeah, I got the word from the captain in G-2.

143. Brad, did you hear about J-Lo?

144. Get over here, Ray! I need my RTO.

145. Did Conway tell you that?

146. Yeah.

147. Yeah, well he's full of shit.

148. No, man.

149. Bravo Two!

150. All of you listen up.

151. H-and-S Company had a negligent discharge today.

152. Fuckin' supply company POGs.

153. So the C.O. personally wants to make sure

154. we brass check our weapons.

155. Anybody hurt?

156. No, it was a 203.

157. It's a miracle no one was killed.

158. That would suck, homes.

159. Getting killed before you got to go to war and kill people.

160. And, um, try wrapping up the chess tourney before lights out.

161. I've got the Sergeant Major on my ass.

162. Fuckin' Sixta.

163. Lieutenant?

164. Have you gotten any word on...

165. I only get what's passed down to me from Godfather,

166. and the only word he gets is from the BBC.

167. If we're lucky, Saddam will back down,

168. let the inspectors in and we can go home.

169. The important thing is, we are doing our jobs by being here.

170. All of you should be proud.

171. Sir, that's not the word I was asking about.

172. I was, we... we wanted to know

173. if you knew anything about J-Lo being killed?

174. Shit, you know she's my cousin.

175. J-Lo?

176. She's Puerto Rican, you're Mexican.

177. Ray, the battalion commander offered no sit-rep

178. as to J-Lo's status.

179. That's good to know.

180. Puerto Ricans are tropical Mexicans.

181. What? J-Lo's dead?

182. Apparently that's the word.

183. Yeah, we're gonna work on that turret tomorrow.

184. Roger that, sir.

185. And bring your canteen.

186. It's gonna be hotter than two rabbits fucking

187. in a wool sock out there at that motor pool.

188. Since when did the Marine Corps start letting in faggots?

189. Dog, you're my driver.

190. How you gonna make your war movie

191. when you're busy driving my Humvee?

192. Brah...

193. What do you think?

194. CNN's gonna want to buy your version of the war?

195. Maybe.

196. You're better off shooting Rudy.

197. Now that is some shit you can sell right there.

198. Brah.

199. Gay porn.

200. Gay porn, Lilley.

201. Yo, all you gotta do is get Rudy on board,

202. and you're gonna be the next Spielberg of twink movies.

203. Yeah.

204. You're always doing that shit with your rook.

205. Same move every fuckin' day.

206. How's that for a move?

207. Checkmate, bitch.

208. Ahh, ahh, ahh...

209. All right! Get some!

210. Let's go, slay that dragon!

211. Get some!

212. I love you, Fruity Rudy!

213. Today's high is expected to be 85 Fahrenheit.

214. Expected again in the upper 30s

215. with shamal winds moving in tomorrow,

216. gusting up to 70 miles per hour.

217. Sir.

218. The weather's got a better chance of atritting us

219. than the Iraqis.

220. Mm-hmm.

221. Word from the CG is to maintain our readiness

222. and our ongoing preparations

223. to enhance our readiness here in Kuwait.

224. What does Godfather think?

225. I think in other words, no word.

226. Our objective remains getting into that AO,

227. and securing that bridge over the Euphrates

228. and holding it for the main Marine force.

229. Rolling through Iraq in open-top Humvees

230. is completely outside of what First Recon does.

231. We might not like it, but the general has asked

232. this battalion to be America's shock troops,

233. and Godfather can't tell the general we don't do windows.

234. Captain Patterson.

235. Sir, Alpha Company's still missing maps of the AO.

236. That problem is battalion-wide and we are working on it.

237. Be assured.

238. Sir, um, what is the policy on the wearing of the beanies?

239. When should they be worn?

240. Maintaining the grooming standard is mission critical.

241. Just because these men fancy themselves an elite unit,

242. doesn't mean they own the rules.

243. Between 0900 and 1700 watch caps are a no-go.

244. I don't wants to see no Cowboy Elvises

245. walking around in them beanies.

246. All right, division has handed down

247. change in the signals protocol.

248. Hey, all my hoses are rotted out.

249. I got Dirty Earl working it.

250. Gotta mess of blown donkey dicks.

251. We're on a short string here, Poke.

252. I just got this bucket five days ago, dawg.

253. This is like Gilligan's Island.

254. They're giving us rocks and coconuts to make radios with.

255. Even the gaskets are gone, man.

256. Back home they're driving around in Mercedes Benz SUVs.

257. Picking up their putas at the dog cappuccino stand.

258. And here we are invading a country with ghetto hoopties.

259. Depressing.

260. Where the fuck you find those?

261. I had to suck an officer's cock to get these.

262. See, that's some exploitive shit.

263. You've been exploited by your betters.

264. You know what we need in America, man,

265. is a holiday where once a year, the blue-collar man

266. gets to go into the home of the white-collar man,

267. eat his food, sleep in his bed and fuck his shit up.

268. Jeff, you realize you're a communist.

269. Fuck I am.

270. A Blue Force Tracker.

271. Oh, shit.

272. You got the ammo for the 40?

273. Downtown Baghdad.

274. Safwan Hill.

275. The entire AO.

276. You are the Iceman, dog.

277. You're up here in the 21st century.

278. We're all back there in the stone age, man.

279. Hey, Holsley, get over here!

280. Third Infantry to the east.

281. Us...

282. Our neighbors to the north.

283. And the Euphrates bridge, our objective.

284. Jesus H Christ!

285. What is you, some kind of goddamn hippie faggot?

286. The fuck is this?

287. Devil Dog, why the fuck is your shirt out of regulation?

288. Sergeant Major, is there a problem?

289. My Marines have been working on that Humvee all morning.

290. I don't care if your Marine has a sucking chest wound!

291. He will not traipse around on the deck

292. with his shirttails hanging out!

293. I might just NJP all yo' asses!

294. Yes, Sergeant Major.

295. Corporal Person, be advised, you're expected to conduct

296. all business in this camp in compliance with the grooming

297. standard under direct order from the battalion commander himself.

298. Sergeant Patrick...

299. Yo' mustache hairs is in violations.

300. Growing beyond the corner of your mouth.

301. I hear Godfather hisself say you look like a bum.

302. Police that mustache!

303. Y'all startin' t'look like Elvises!

304. Hey, don't push our luck.

305. Walt!

306. Trombley.

307. Nothing but letters.

308. No batteries, no diapers.

309. And no turret.

310. Guess not today, homes.

311. Just another five dozen letters

312. from fuckin' school kids and shit.

313. Listen to this.

314. "Dear Mr. Army man..."

315. Army? Fuck that.

316. "I am proud that you are being brave

317. "and defending our country against the terrorists.

318. "They are bad and I am glad

319. "that you are going to catch them and punish them.

320. I am glad that you are so brave and I pray for you."

321. Whoa, what's she look like?

322. She's actually pretty hot.

323. Whoa, whoa...

324. Ooh, I like them braids.

325. Oh, let me see, man.

326. Hey, listen to this shit right here.

327. "But maybe you will be able to come home

328. without having to fight."

329. Bullshit.

330. Fuck that.

331. "Peace is always much better than war,

332. and it would be nice if no one would be hurt."

333. That is some fucking hippie-commune shit right there.

334. Where the fuck is this weak-ass child from?

335. "It's Fredrick Firestone, from 27-0-7 Spencer Road,

336. Chevy Chase, Maryland."

337. "Dear Fredrick...

338. "Thank you for your nice letter, but I am actually

339. "a US Marine who was born to kill.

340. "Whereas clearly you have mistaken me for some sort

341. "of wine-sipping, communist dicksuck.

342. "And although peace probably appeals

343. "to tree-loving bisexuals, like you and your parents,

344. "I happen to be a death-dealing, blood-crazed warrior

345. "who wakes up every day just hoping for the chance

346. "to dismember my enemies and defile their civilizations.

347. "Peace sucks a hairy asshole, Freddy.

348. War is the motherfucking answer."

349. Hell, yeah.

350. "But thanks, anyway, for writing..."

351. Oh, man, every motherfucker in this camp is just waiting

352. for packages of dip, Ripped Fuel, porn mags,

353. batteries, hash chunks, dirty-ass, jerk-off letter

354. from Suzie Rottencrotch, except for Brad Colbert

355. over here, who actually thinks that his mail-order-turret

356. is gonna come in before we step off.

357. But, no, all we get is this happy-day fucking

358. horseshit from Ms. Cuntlip's fourth grade class.

359. You fucking believe this shit?

360. Oh, Brah...

361. Damn!

362. I'd eat a mile of her shit just to see where it came from.

363. Take her diaper off.

364. Pass the word.

365. The watchcaps are a no-go between 0900 and 1700.

366. And that's Godfather talking.

367. Brah, Brah...

368. What?

369. You got sauce on you.

370. Oh, yeah? I look like a mud?

371. I look like Gabe's filthy spic brother?

372. No!

373. Chaffin Tabasco!

374. Fuck is on your grape, Devil Dog?

375. My boonie, gimme it back.

376. You see any other recon Marine in here wearing a soft cover?

377. No.

378. No fuckin' way, dawg.

379. I know you didn't go through BRC, but boy, you gotta front.

380. All these other grunts look up to Recon

381. like we are cold-blooded warriors.

382. We're carnivorous motherfuckers, dawg,

383. and you gotta carry it like that.

384. Here.

385. I got your six, boy.

386. This motherfucker...

387. FMG, Sergeant.

388. Cocky motherfuckers.

389. The American Department of State has ordered all non-essential...

390. Okay, check it, the escort VHF Watson gave us

391. was in error, it's UHF.

392. For both the DASC and DASC-A, right?

393. Shh, hold on, I want to hear this.

394. and Spanish Prime Minister José María Aznar will meet

395. in the Azores Islands of Portugal to discuss the crisis.

396. You think that's enough?

397. You should be rocking it like me, Pappy.

398. Hitler stache is reg.

399. Looked good on Hitler.

400. In sport...

401. Huh, no dead fly girl.

402. The media's in on it.

403. They don't want us to know J-Lo's dead.

404. It will fuck with morale.

405. So, on the CEOI, they have the escorts listed as no encryption,

406. but they're covered, right?

407. Yeah, you can't do one frequency plain.

408. Doesn't matter on the 113's anyway.

409. Not again!

410. I need Marines with sledgehammers!

411. Come on, dude, let's go.

412. Come on, you heard him!

413. Go, go, go!

414. Shame about your tent, sir.

415. Put these with my gear.

416. Yes, sir.

417. Pappy...

418. I gotta be at battalion for a while,

419. so make sure nothing happens while I'm there.

420. This is a writer who's gonna embed with us.

421. He's from "Rolling Stone", so be gentle.

422. The Rolling Stones?

423. "Rolling Stone"?

424. Fuck if they don't give us the dope smokin' peace-freak writer.

425. Christeson!

426. Faggot.

427. Show "Rolling Stone" Magazine where to stow his shit.

428. You gonna write about how we're all baby killers

429. and mama rapers, huh?

430. You gonna tell all them people that read "Rolling Stone"

431. how it fuckin' feels to be in a war?

432. Actually most avid readers of "Rolling Stone" only really

433. know what it feels like to have a cock up their assholes.

434. Could be worse,

435. I used to write for "Hustler".

436. You wrote for "Hustler"?

437. We're in the presence of greatness.

438. What did you write for "Hustler"?

439. Uh, porn reviews, hot letters, Beaver Hunt.

440. Homes, you wrote Beaver Hunt?

441. This way, Reporter.

442. This guy wrote Beaver Hunt!

443. Oh, shit, he must have those Polaroids of your mom.

444. I'm sorry.

445. Your rack, sir.

446. They got you in the fuckin' ghetto.

447. Hey, reporter, you ever seen a grown man naked?

448. You feel me?

449. Fuckin' spics and a goddamn jig.

450. Yo, that ain't cool man.

451. Fuckin' race-hatin' motherfucker.

452. Oh, spics, a coon and a fucking wigger.

453. See, wiggers be the worst race traitors,

454. miscegenatin' with the muds.

455. Hey!

456. You don't have to listen this little trailer trash, Whiskey Tango fuck.

457. Ain't all your little crack-baby brothers nappy-headed and shit?

458. James is the only white boy in the family.

459. Three stepdads, and they're all black.

460. Take this down, dawg.

461. It makes my heart heavy to see the white race

462. sink as low as James's mother has.

463. At least if she was Mexican, she'd be ashamed of herself.

464. But being a white bitch, she still thinks she's better

465. than the brothers she sells that ass to in the parking lot

466. of the titty bar she works at.

467. Oh! Screwby, dog.

468. Yo, fuck you, man.

469. She's a bookkeeper.

470. Cock keeper.

471. Hey, bud, I got 20 spot on Chaffin.

472. Yo, T, you hear that?

473. Beaners are cracking on your people, too.

474. Ain't you gonna say something?

475. I'm just not into that racial thing, man.

476. All right. Let's go, Garza.

477. Let's talk about what we're gonna do

478. when we get out of the Corps.

479. We gonna join us border patrol and shoot us some wetbacks.

480. Yeah, shoot wetbacks.

481. wetback pussy is actually warmer

482. than the normal, average white pussy.

483. Fuck these Turks!

484. Shit won't go past my five.

485. Relax, my Manimal.

486. Pappy will get you fixed up.

487. Rudy, hand me your Leatherman.

488. Mr. Potato Head at your six, closing fast.

489. Sergeant Patrick, on the deck!

490. You mocking me?

491. Hairs hangin' from your face beyond your mouth areas.

492. You are unsightly, unsanitary

493. and in violations of Godfather's grooming standards.

494. You hears me, Sergeant Patrick?

495. You has till O-dark hundred to unfuck yourself.

496. Godfather tells us two weeks ago

497. that Division is having a mustache growing contest.

498. Now Mr. Potato Head over here is lifing-out Pappy.

499. Well... We all got jobs to do.

500. Sergeant Major Sixta's job is to be an asshole.

501. And he excels at the position.

502. It's titanium, 16 pounds, about yea big.

503. It shoulda been shipped weeks ago when I was starting to

504. wonder if it was short-stopped at battalion somewhere.

505. A shield?

506. For the main gunner, yeah.

507. Sergeant Colbert!

508. It's important.

509. Gentlemen...

510. Stove underneath Rudy's espresso pot

511. went off like a forty Mike-Mike.

512. Flamed white boy's face like a rotisserie chicken.

513. Let me understand this.

514. My RTO has just been burned, in his tent,

515. by an exploding portable stove.

516. And without my RTO, I will be going to war

517. unable to quickly and effectively establish

518. radio communications within our unit, with other elements

519. of the battalion and with close air support.

520. Is this what is happening?

521. That, and they're probably gonna NJP all our asses

522. for operating a stove in the tent against the regs.

523. Over an espresso maker.

524. This platoon is going down...

525. over an espresso maker.

526. Until division informs me otherwise.

527. All right, that's all for now.

528. Keep it tight, gentlemen. We're on a short string.

529. Lieutenant Fick.

530. Yes, sir?

531. Your CO passed on your report.

532. Unit sustained a casualty, a Marine was burned.

533. Corporal Person sustained minor injuries when a cook stove

534. being operated according to regulations,

535. suffered a catastrophic failure.

536. And the men operating this cook stove

537. were outside the tent when this happened?

538. Yes, sir. At the time,

539. Corporal Person was kneeling by the entrance.

540. Servicing a 148.

541. And you witnessed this?

542. Yes, sir.

543. I observed the stove malfunction and the swift action

544. of my Marines to treat Corporal Person.

545. Lieutenant Fick. You might want to consider

546. writing up some of these men for accommodation.

547. I will consider that, sir.

548. Why is the PX at an army camp?

549. Marines don't need a PX.

550. We're about to loot and pillage a country.

551. Then why are we going to the PX?

552. Triple A batteries,

553. dip, Skoal and Copenhagen,

554. Baby-wipes, various flavored Pringles in a can.

555. And adult diapers.

556. as requested.

557. Why do you need me to get you all this stuff?

558. In the infinite wisdom of whoever runs the military post

559. exchange stores, they won't sell this stuff

560. in quantity to actual military personnel.

561. For civilians, like yourself, sky's the limit.

562. And why is that?

563. To keep us angry.

564. If Marines could get what they need when they needed it,

565. we would be happy, and we wouldn't be ready

566. to kill people all the time.

567. See, the Marine Corps's like America's little pit-bull.

568. They beat us, mistreat us,

569. and once in a while they let us out to attack somebody.

570. What's the big deal with the batteries?

571. They're for our Pec-twos and NVGs.

572. Our night vision.

573. Battalion didn't bring enough batteries.

574. We had to ration them.

575. Battalion didn't bring enough of anything that matters.

576. They don't even have enough fucking maps.

577. The Army goes to war, they bring it all.

578. But Marines?

579. We make do.

580. No maps, no batteries.

581. We keep trying to get this shit mailed to us,

582. but nothing ever comes.

583. Fuck if Colbert didn't try and have a shield

584. for the turret Fed Ex'd.

585. Not that it'll get here in time.

586. Titanium, 16 pounds.

587. Had it custom engineered.

588. See, when Marines invade a foreign country,

589. we gotta buy all our own shit.

590. Me and Brad spent $500 of our own money

591. just fixing up the Humvee.

592. Bought our own antennas, filters, these cammie nets.

593. Even painted it ourselves.

594. So yeah, homes, we pimpin'.

595. Why do you guys need the diapers?

596. Hitman Two Three, this is Hitman.

597. Radio check, over.

598. Brad, we have major activity on the wire.

599. Two-zero unidentified victors at the checkpoint.

600. Fuck, they're coming through the gates.

601. Un-fucking-believable.

602. Shit is on, has to be.

603. Some beer would go great with this!

604. Here, I'll trade you one.

605. Fuck, yeah!

606. $10 a pie?

607. No, sir, I'm selling $10 per slice!

608. The fuck you say?

609. With kind respect, you go to Kuwait City

610. and get it yourself then!

611. 20?

612. they're, like, ten bucks a slice?

613. I need a 20!

614. You Haji motherfucker!

615. Just when I thought I stopped loving the Marine Corps,

616. they go and they do this.

617. This is it, dawg.

618. The Corps doesn't just bring pizza pies all the way

619. from Kuwait City for no reason.

620. We got lobster in Afghanistan.

621. Captain, sir?

622. You guys get some pizza? You can have my extra slice.

623. The other companies have bumped into high gear.

624. They're stowing their gear, packing the Humvees, what's up?

625. What do you mean?

626. Sir, is there a reason we got pizza delivered today?

627. Godfather issued maps for your team leaders.

628. The whole AO up to the Euphrates.

629. I was gonna bring it up in our briefing tomorrow.

630. Oh...

631. Godfather says General Mattis issued the warning order.

632. So be prepared to move to the staging area

633. within the next 48 hours.

634. Nice of him to fuckin' mention it.

635. Get some!

636. Shit, dawg!

637. I feel like it's fucking Christmas.

638. It's urgent, Brad. We're fuckin' almost Oscar Mike.

639. Ray...

640. Can I just have one final moment

641. enjoying the fruits of civilization?

642. We are breaking open the MOPP suits.

643. They're rated to maintain their effectiveness against chemical,

644. a biological attack for 30 days.

645. Now make sure they fit now.

646. There will be no chance to exchange them later.

647. Do not wash, abrade, puncture your MOPP suit.

648. Expect to fight dirty.

649. Been fighting dirty my whole life.

650. Sir, if we are fighting in a chemical environment

651. and we get shot, how are they gonna

652. cas-evac us if we're dirty?

653. They're not.

654. What?

655. Hit in a chemical environment, you're fucked anyway.

656. Woodland camouflage? Anyone happen to remember

657. we're invading a fucking desert country?

658. Fucking retards.

659. Exactly, what the fuck, man?

660. - Can't fight in this shit. - I hate these fucking things.

661. How come the reporter gets desert?

662. I didn't ask for...

663. Are you wearin' shorts?

664. What? Boxers, screwby.

665. It's gonna be hot, man.

666. Me?

667. Shit, I'm free-balling all the way to Baghdad.

668. Good thing I shaved my balls.

669. Your President is watching!

670. America is watching!

671. But more important...

672. Godfather is watching!

673. Make no mistake!

674. There. Will. Be. No. Fuck. Ups!

675. Marines around this world

676. would gives they left nuts

677. to be where you are!

678. Anybody not want to go?

679. No, Sergeant Major!

680. Marines!

681. Kill on three!

682. One...

683. two...

684. three!

685. Kill!

686. Battalion!

687. Atten... tion!

688. Dismissed!

689. Hitman Three, can you have your RTO

690. head over here to Hitman? Over.

691. Hey, Sergeant, are we there yet?

692. Hitman, this is Hitman Three, he's en route.

693. The fuck is taking so long?

694. We've been sittin' here for like, four goddamn hours.

695. Don't spit on my Humvee, Ray.

696. I didn't.

697. Ray, you spit with your lips,

698. you always get it on the side of my Humvee.

699. I heard you spit with your lips.

700. Spit with your teeth, Ray.

701. Oh, Hitman Victor, still waiting on the terp.

702. Be advised, we are still waiting for the battalion translator.

703. Do you mean you guys are invading Iraq

704. with just one translator?

705. No shit.

706. What is it? Ken.

707. Dude, man, this majorly sucks.

708. Sir, we cannot delay any longer.

709. I can't believe I'm leaving without my shit, man.

710. It's primo chronic, it's the best in the Gulf.

711. That's regrettable, sir.

712. Let's go, mount up!

713. Interpreter is stowed.

714. We are Oscar Mike to the border staging area.

715. Two Two's up!

716. Hey, War Scribe, want some dip?

717. First couple of times I did it, I puked a little bit.

718. But as long as you don't get it in Brad's Humvee, we won't mind.

719. It's good, isn't it?

720. All Hitman Two Victors, we are Oscar Mike.

721. Maintain 50 meter dispersion, 45 KPH.

722. Check it out, dawg.

723. White man won't be denied.

724. US Ships and guided bombs dropped by stealth planes,

725. struck targets in downtown Baghdad in what American

726. officials described as an attempt to decapitate

727. the Iraqi leadership before the war begins.

728. Meanwhile, a quarter of a million American

729. and British-led troops are said to be amassed

730. on the Iraq Kuwait border.

731. And made claims that many Iraqi soldiers are ready to defect.

732. In the states, the US Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld,

733. has denied reports that negotiations

734. are taking place for a cease fire.

735. He said the only topic for discussion...

736. We kicked the hornet's nest.

737. Now we better kill all the fucking hornets.

738. were ready to resist any attack

739. despite American and British...

740. You're being called upon to kill.

741. We're gonna be invading a country full of civilians.

742. But at the same time, we don't know if the people

743. shooting at us are gonna be in uniform or looking like farmers.

744. If we shoot civilians, we're gonna turn the populace

745. against us and lose this war.

746. But I don't want to lose Marines because we are not aggressive.

747. The ROE boil down to this...

748. If in your mind you fire to protect yourself or your team,

749. it's the right thing.

750. Hell, yeah, you get that?

751. Now I don't wanna shoot no fuckin' farmer.

752. Sir, you got any word from the rest of the world?

753. Is the UN going in with us, or are we on our own?

754. It's the usual French talk of stall and surrender.

755. Gas, gas, gas!

756. Gas, gas, gas!

757. Gas, gas, gas! Get to the vehicle!

758. Put a move on it! This is gas! We gotta go!

759. What do you got, Sergeant?

760. Can you help me with the...

761. All clear!

762. I just performed testicle surgery on the reporter.

763. I forgot to spit out my tobacco so I had to swallow it.

764. And this suit is, uh, too small.

765. That strap was crushing my nuts.

766. Reporter, you are possibly

767. the biggest fuckup I have encountered.

768. Yeah, well maybe he fits right in.

769. You know, it doesn't make you gay if you think Rudy's hot.

770. We all think he's hot.

771. Jesus, you're beautiful.

772. Actually, I'm going to hell out here.

773. Back home, all I eat is sushi and vegetables.

774. The nutrition here is garbage.

775. You know, I think Sheree and I are gonna move to San Francisco.

776. There's no fat people there.

777. That was a no-shit Scud attack, gents.

778. Awesome, I just lived through a Scud attack.

779. Rudy, why would you give a fuck

780. if there's fat people where you live?

781. Brother, I want to live where people care about themselves.

782. Jesus Christ, Rudy.

783. When are you gonna realize that you're fucking gay?

784. I'm not gay.

785. When we're on libo, you wear Banana Republic

786. Daisy Duke shorts.

787. Now you're rolling into battle

788. in your goddamn chicken suit and J-Lo glasses?

789. You dress like a pimp queen.

790. I don't dress like no goddamn pimp queen.

791. I wear clothes that are body conscious.

792. Gas, gas, gas!

793. Gas, gas, gas!

794. Move, move, move!

795. Hey! Good job reporter.

796. I got it!

797. Air and arti are now hitting Safwan Hill.

798. There are two Iraqi Divisions on the other side of the breach.

799. From the sound of it, they're not having a good day.

800. We are going to demonstrate to the Iraqis

801. that we have not come to harm innocent people

802. or threaten their way of life.

803. But if you bump into an Iraqi who wants to fight,

804. you will fucking kick his ass.

805. Battle streamers for this battalion

806. are gonna be earned on your shoulders.

807. On your shoulders.

808. Now, gentleman, all mustaches grown for the divisional contest

809. are all to be shaved by the time we reach the Euphrates.

810. This battalion will maintain the grooming standard.

811. That's all, gentlemen.

812. We're getting ready to invade a country,

813. and this is what our leader offers us?

814. Mustaches?

815. I trust you, Brad,

816. to keep your personal feelings to yourself.

817. Check it out.

818. I taped my windows so I can turn my laptop on

819. without the enemy seeing the light.

820. Cool, huh?

821. How do you feel on the edge of this historical invasion?

822. You find those batteries yet

823. for my night vision gear, Gunny?

824. That's a goddamn sucker punch.

825. The supply situation isn't on any of us.

826. With all due respect Gunny, last I checked, your billet

827. was Ops Chief in charge of procuring supplies

828. necessary for our combat readiness.

829. Yeah, and I inherited that mess from some POG

830. who fucked it all up before I even got near it.

831. You get the word on the escort?

832. A week.

833. They give me fucking week to unfuck this shit.

834. Captain?

835. Are we getting tanks or cobras?

836. Yeah.

837. What's up with the escort?

838. We got word a couple hours ago.

839. We're not getting escort tanks or cobras going over the border.

840. Any reason you waited till now to tell me about this?

841. We've lost our armor escort.

842. We get no ass going over the LOD.

843. That's a low priority to pass on?

844. Personal feelings, sir.

845. They're sending us alone against Iraqi armor.

846. People are gonna die because of this!

847. See you on the other side, bro.

848. Godspeed!

849. God-fucking-speed to you.

850. Fucking Captain America.

851. A little belt-fed today, isn't he?

852. We're all excited.

853. Man, they kill hundreds, those pilots.

854. I woulda liked to have flown that plane

855. that dropped the bomb on Japan.

856. A coupla dudes killed hundreds of thousands.

857. That fucking rules.

858. All Hitman Victors, all Hitman Victors.

859. Be advised, we are five clicks out from breach point two, over.

860. All Hitman Two Victors.

861. We are five clicks until breach two...

862. Man, I wish I had some 'shrooms!

863. This is the fuckin' shit.

864. Yeah, it's the shiznit.

865. Now watch the fucking road.

866. How come we're not there yet?

867. Maybe because a certain severely retarded company commander

868. by the name of Encino Man who, in his infinite retardation,

869. duct-taped his Humvee windows.

870. Thought he was being all tactical and shit,

871. until Bravo missed the turn at the checkpoint

872. 'cause retard couldn't see out of his fucking truck.

873. Ray...

874. Oh, look,

875. there's layers of retardation that most people

876. don't even know about.

877. You should quote me on that.

878. We'll be veering west into 98 northern.

879. Roger that.

880. We're still headed to breach point two.

881. Look at this shit.

882. How come we can't ever invade a cool country

883. with, like, chicks in bikinis, you know?

884. How come countries like that don't ever need Marines?

885. I'll tell you why.

886. It's lack of pussy that fucks countries up.

887. Lack of pussy is the root fuckin' cause

888. of all global instability.

889. If more Haji's were getting quality pussy,

890. there'd be no reason for us to come over here

891. and fuck them up like this.

892. 'Cause a nut-busting Haji is a happy Haji...

893. Ray, Ray...

894. How much Ripped Fuel have you ingested?

895. I'm on it like a motherfucker, Brad.

896. I'm moto, dude!

897. Well, no more of that shit.

898. When you do Ripped Fuel, you can't shut up.

899. All Hitman Victors, all Hitman Victors.

900. Be advised we are three clicks south of breach point two, over.

901. That's an interesting theory, though.

902. Yeah, yeah, you should quote me on it, you know what?

903. You should definitely quote me on it.

904. This whole fucking thing, it comes down to pussy.

905. Look, if you took the Republican Guard,

906. comp their asses in Vegas for a weekend, no fucking war.

907. So, the war's not about oil or WMD's?

908. No. In the opinion

909. of this Marine, it's about pussy.

910. And it's not about Saddam?

911. No, Saddam's just part of the problem.

912. Look, if Saddam invested more in the pussy infrastructure of Iraq

913. than he did on his fucking gay-ass army,

914. then this country would be no more fucked up than say, Mexico.

915. Ray...

916. please shut up.

917. Thank you.

918. All Hitman Two Victors,

919. we are one click until breach two.

920. Wake up, Trombley.

921. You're missing the invasion.

922. Yo, Christopher!

923. Get some of this on videotape for me, brah.

924. This is us invading a country right here.

925. Ho, shit!

926. Welcome to Iraq, bitches!

927. All Hitman Two Victors, all Hitman Two Victors.

928. We take this turn.

929. We're screening west with no adjacent support.

930. Roger that.

931. This is it, we got no escort.

932. It's just our thin-skinned Humvees going against tanks.

933. Jesus, Captain America's a fucking retard.

934. They need to keep that asshole off company-wide come.

935. Two-One-Alpha, this is Two-One-Bravo...

936. we have a possible rocket tube at our 2:00, 500 meters.

937. That shiny thing, over.

938. Garza, put your mark 19 at 2:00.

939. Range at 500.

940. I see it glinting, Sergeant.

941. Can't tell if it's a pipe or a tank tube.

942. I glassed it.

943. It's a pipe.

944. Two One Bravo, this is Two One Alpha.

945. We see a pipe in a trash pile, over.

946. Two One Bravo, Roger that, out.

947. Tell you who the biggest fucking retard is.

948. Is that Saddam Hussein.

949. We already kicked his ass once.

950. And what does this retard go and fucking do?

951. He spends the next ten years pissing us off even more.

952. We don't want even want to be in this shithole.

953. Stop scribbling.

954. It encourages him.

955. Stay frosty gents.

956. Hey!

957. What do you got?

958. I just waved at an Iraqi.

959. And he waved back. That was cool.

960. Good Garza, be magnanimous.

961. What the fuck does that mean?

962. Lofty and king-like.

963. Hey, buddy, it's 10:00 in the morning!

964. Don't you think you oughta change out of your pajamas?

965. Afternoon, sir, beautiful day to get our war on.

966. Trade you pop tarts.

967. I got combos.

968. Yeah, I'll take 'em.

969. Sucker.

970. Sir, is our mission still that bridge?

971. All right, gents, listen up.

972. We are here.

973. Our orders that we are to bus north

974. till the battalion tells us to stop.

975. The bridge we are supposed to be seizing in six hours is here.

976. And we've gone beyond the A-O.

977. Is battalion still asking us

978. to execute our mission on the same timetable?

979. I have no word on that, Brad.

980. Anyone want a Charms?

981. Are you an idiot?

982. Never, ever let Charms into this vehicle again.

983. Nobody lets Charms in the vehicle

984. in the whole fucking United States Marine Corps.

985. It's bad luck.

986. Semper simple, motherfucker.

987. Fucking new guy.

988. We've been static way too long,

989. sitting here with our asses hanging out.

990. We don't stand a chance against one T-72 tank.

991. They got 70 of 'em out here. This is suicide.

992. Sir, the behavior of your fellow officer,

993. the commander of our sister platoon,

994. is starting to concern us.

995. Captain America's unprofessional.

996. If you have a nickname for an officer,

997. I don't want to know it.

998. Guys, everyone on your teams getting some shuteye?

999. Since they brought us pizza at Mathilda,

1000. my whole team hasn't slept.

1001. That's what, 30 hours now?

1002. We don't know what's coming.

1003. You gotta rotate guys, get 'em some sleep.

1004. Oh!

1005. When my band opened up for Limp Bizkit in Kansas City,

1006. we fuckin' sucked.

1007. But then again, so did they.

1008. The only difference is they became famous,

1009. and I became a Marine.

1010. Hey, there's kids holding hands.

1011. Oh, cute.

1012. Don't shoot 'em, Garza.

1013. We got hardball ahead, Sergeant.

1014. That's MSR Tampa.

1015. When we cross it, we'll be the northernmost unit in Iraq.

1016. Hitman Two, this is Two One.

1017. Do you want my Victor to provide overwatch

1018. on the northeast corner of the MSR?

1019. Roger that.

1020. This is Hitman Two, all Hitman Victors

1021. align off Two One.

1022. I got two pickups bearing down on us fast.

1023. Sir, I observe men with AKs, they're in the lead vehicle.

1024. Hitman, this is Hitman Two.

1025. We have two Victors with armed Iraqis approaching.

1026. How copy?

1027. Hitman, solid copy.

1028. Hitman, I'm seeing armed Iraqis in civilian clothes,

1029. in white pickups marked with red diamonds.

1030. We should smoke them, sir!

1031. Hitman Two, this is Hitman.

1032. Interrogative. Can you, uh...

1033. can you wave 'em off, over?

1034. Hitman, this is Two. These are armed Iraqis,

1035. in marked Victors with weapons pointed at us, over.

1036. ROE states uniformed soldiers only.

1037. Uh, and they should be firing at us.

1038. This is Two. I am requesting to at least snatch one Victor.

1039. Find out who these guys are, over.

1040. Negative, wave 'em off.

1041. Hitman out.

1042. I had a beautiful headshot.

1043. We all did brother.

1044. Are you kidding me?

1045. What the fuck was that?

1046. Our first contact with armed Iraqis,

1047. and we wave at 'em like bitches.

1048. You know what happens when you get out of the Marine Corps?

1049. You get your brains back.

1050. India, of course, chasing that massive Australian total of 359.

1051. Already one wicket down with just an overcome at...

1052. Company Commanders are here, sir.

1053. You can drop your pots, gentlemen.

1054. I don't know if it's me or these new liners,

1055. but something in my Kevlar fucking stinks.

1056. All right, we're 14 hours since crossing the LOD.

1057. We've moved 70 clicks north.

1058. We, gentlemen, are the northernmost unit in Iraq.

1059. Our job now is to screen the northern flank of one MEF.

1060. Have you gotten any word on our mission, sir?

1061. Are we still doing the bridge assault?

1062. No word.

1063. But judging by where they've placed us,

1064. higher-ups have deemed that mission irrelevant.

1065. Even so, what's foremost in Godfather's mind?

1066. We're still very much in the game, gentlemen.

1067. Very much in the game.

1068. Okay, that's all for now.

1069. Colonel Ferrando, uh... if I can ask,

1070. why does your... voice sound that way?

1071. Throat cancer.

1072. You a smoker?

1073. No, just lucky I guess.

1074. Why the fuck are you throwing food around?

1075. I'm gonna shoot me a dog.

1076. No, you're not, Trombley.

1077. No one's shooting any dogs in Iraq.

1078. I got seven.

1079. You got seven?

1080. Yes, Sergeant, I see seven.

1081. You seeing all these Iraqis?

1082. Yeah, we've counted over 60.

1083. See how they're walking all jacked up?

1084. Sore-footed.

1085. At the rate this is going, this whole goddamn war

1086. will be over without us firing a goddamn shot.

1087. Guy's clean.

1088. Mister, mister, my, my water, drink.

1089. Please, mister.

1090. Brad.

1091. Prison rules, dawg, just like LA.

1092. They are just civilians fleeing Basra.

1093. They are grateful to be liberated by the Americans.

1094. Whoa, what manner of belt

1095. does this gentleman appear to have donned?

1096. Military issue, dawg.

1097. Sir, this is Republican Guard.

1098. Sergeant, somebody down the line already gave these guys MRES.

1099. It's good!

1100. Shut up! Sit down!

1101. Tell them shut the fuck up!

1102. This is the shit Psy-Ops dropped on Iraqi Forces,

1103. promising safe passage to any who surrender to the Americans.

1104. He says 30 kilometers east of here on a bridge by the canal,

1105. Iraqi military death squads

1106. are executing Iraqi soldiers who flee.

1107. The death squads dudes are in white SUVs

1108. with red diamonds on them.

1109. They are Fedayheen.

1110. They are loyal to Saddam.

1111. These guys can't walk.

1112. Three Two Actual, this is Three Two, be advised.

1113. Alpha just got hit by arty, over.

1114. Did you copy?

1115. Alpha just took artillery hits hit near their position.

1116. Get someone on the come.

1117. We need at least 3-4-7 tons up here.

1118. Shoot that dog, Corporal!

1119. Sir, shouldn't we be saving our rounds for enemy combatants?

1120. Shoot that fucking dog!

1121. Darnold, give it a piece of your jerky.

1122. Steiner, can you get me some water from the Humvee?

1123. Turn around.

1124. No, I don't want your fucking cigarette.

1125. That the same hand he used to wipe his ass?

1126. I ain't touching no filthy Haji gum

1127. that's been touched by them filthy, brown Haji fingers.

1128. Brah, these are people.

1129. Good? Good?

1130. Oh, yeah, very good.

1131. Yeah, I'd stick my cock through that veil hole

1132. and fuck the shit out of your wife's face any day.

1133. Oh, my God.

1134. Check it out.

1135. They got their own Fruity Rudy.

1136. Hey, we captured a fucking gay Iraqi!

1137. Yo, hold that turd pusher up.

1138. Foshizzle, a gay-ass Haji.

1139. Danger close, 12:00, it's Godfather.

1140. Meesh, Meesh, take him over there.

1141. Alpha took three artillery hits.

1142. Somebody has an idea we're here.

1143. And we've got four hours of daylight

1144. to make it to our next position.

1145. We're not gonna deal with these surrenders.

1146. That's from division.

1147. Send them all back the way they came.

1148. Roger that, sir.

1149. We have orders, Nate.

1150. Are they fucking serious?

1151. Send 'em back where?

1152. What, the fucking death squads?

1153. Sir, under Articles 13 and 20 of the Geneva Convention,

1154. we're obligated to take care of and protect

1155. any fuckers who surrender to us.

1156. The division has ordered us to unsurrender these Iraqis.

1157. Write this as you see it.

1158. I'm not here to stop you.

1159. Iraqis' first contact with Americans...

1160. And we fuck them.

1161. Bravo Two, listen up!

1162. Get ready to push.

1163. Turn it over, Ray. We're Oscar Mike.

1164. Say again, Hitman Two Three, This is Hitman Two Two, over.

1165. Hitman Two Two, you're coming in weak and unreadable.

1166. Try cleaning your handset and try again.

1167. Hitman Two Three, this is Hitman Two Two.

1168. How you read me now?

1169. Two Three has you loud and clear, out.

1170. Hitman Two Three, this is Hitman Two Two, over.

1171. This is Two Three, send your traffic.

1172. Roger, be advised REDCON-1 in five mikes.

1173. Solid copy, REDCON, five mikes.

1174. Hitman Two Two out.

1175. Hitman Two Two, Hit... This is Hitman Two Three.

1176. Hitman Two Three, Two Two, go ahead.

1177. Roger, hey, I got two unknowns moving along this berm

1178. that's over here to our right side.

1179. I can't see, uh, what they got going on,

1180. but, uh, they're acting kind of funny.

1181. Roger, checking.

1182. Yeah, you guys should be able to get out the glass and see

1183. a little bit better than we can

1184. from, uh, where we're sitting.

1185. Uh, just, uh, keep your eyes on 'em.

1186. Copy all, looks like I got those two individuals moving.

1187. We're trying to get eyes on 'em

1188. right now, see if they're armed.

1189. Roger.

1190. Hitman Two Three, this is Hitman Two Two.

1191. Two Two, Two Three, go ahead.

1192. Hey, Roger, hey, uh...

1193. Off to your left,

1194. we've got, um, two unknowns moving, they're...

1195. You see that grove that's just kinda...

1196. Um, to the northeast of your vehicle?

1197. That's affirmative. Understand it's about

1198. off your, uh, 10:00 right now.

1199. Yeah, yeah, 10:00.

1200. It's about 300 meters.

1201. It's that, uh, date palm grove.

1202. Uh, there's some people moving around in there.

1203. They might just be, you know, locals.

1204. Just keep your eyes on 'em.

1205. Roger, are they in the center of that palm grove

1206. or on the right or left?

1207. If you look, like, right in the center of it,

1208. there are some people moving around in white, white clothing.

1209. Uh, that's what it looks like to us.

1210. Roger, I got, uh, we got some eyes on some white pajamas

1211. and we'll keep an eye on 'em.

1212. Okay, Roger, solid copy.

1213. This is Hitman Two Three.

1214. Two Three, go ahead.

1215. Hey, uh, on this canal crossing, um...

1216. You might wanna get a, a ground guide out.

1217. Copy, thanks for the heads up.

1218. Roger, Two Three out.