1. ? [rock 'n' roll
music playing]
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2. i'm buck strickland,
and if you don't recognize me
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3. you're at the wrong event.
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4. now, the assistant manager
s
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5. of the 5 strickland
propane branches and I
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6. welcome you all
to our annual winter picnic.
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7. We have gathered here
to celebrate propane.
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8. God's gas.
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9. And who could ignite
the celebration better
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10. than our senior
assistant manager,
mr. Hank hill?
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11. Hank, could yo
u do the honors?
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12. I'd be honored.
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13. well, hurry up, hank,
turn winter into summer.
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14. ha!
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15. wow, Mr. Strickland.
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16. It's like you always find
the exact right moment
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17. to flip those burgers.
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18. And I think you'll
also find that now
is the exact right moment
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19. for my total quality
management proposal.
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20. Oh, for god's sake
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21. hey, vickers! Who do you like
for the super bowl next year?
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22. The dupey-loopies
or the shimmy-shammies?
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23. ok. Ok. Very funny.
But I like the bills.
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24. look, mom, ash.
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25. There must be
a volcano somewhere.
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26. huh?
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27. (peggy)
it—it—it's snowing!
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28. Oh, no!
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29. (employee #1)
it can't be.
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30. Ok, I have been through this
before in montana.
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31. Now, nobody
lick any flag poles.
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32. Snow?
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33. Texans aren't prepared
for this kind
of nightmare, sir.
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34. We gotta work fast
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35. i'll unlock the gas reserves,
while you rally the troops
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36. all right,
choke it down, people!
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37. This is a propane emergency.
No time for chewin'.
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38. If we don't get heat
to the people,
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39. you can bet
the electric company will.
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40. joe jack,
fire up the bobtail truck!
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41. Don't be a hero, hank.
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42. It's too late.
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43. Can I come too, dad?
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44. You bet, son.
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45. If you can catch
a bobtail on the fly,
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46. you're welcome
at strickland propane.
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47. Come on.
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48. slow down, joe jack.
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49. Slow way down. Slower.
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50. Just stop the truck.
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51. whee,
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52. it's a winter wonderland!
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53. Whee!
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54. I tell you what, man.
Don't go down to antarctica.
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55. k
Ain't gonna get
that dang thing to wor
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56. with a little big
old bottom like he got.
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57. Whee!
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58. N-no, ma'am,
propane will not freeze.
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59. Good news, buck.
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60. We can get propane
to the nursing homes
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61. by diverting it away
from the museum of modern art.
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62. If anyone asks,
it was a tough choice.
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63. uh-huh,
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64. that's why your dad's
one of the greats.
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65. Just watch and learn, son.
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66. Maybe someday
you'll be
sittin' in that seat.
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67. Then where would he sit?
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68. The way things are goin',
he'll be in the boss's chair.
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69. Ho-ho, no, sir. I'll just
keep the chair I have
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70. and wheel it over to your desk
when the time comes.
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71. Whew, I'm beat. I think
i'm gonna call it a day.
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72. I just gotta finish up
my paperwork.
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73. There. Finished.
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74. Hey, dad.
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75. How come I never
got a strickland calendar?
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76. Uh, that's not for you, bobby.
You're not old enough.
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77. Why, hello, Miss november.
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78. You be careful.
That's flammable.
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79. uh, bobby,
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80. why don't you go on outside
and make snow angels?
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81. ok.
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82. oh, hey, speakin' of angels,
look at the—
Look at the wings
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83. on this piece of chicken,
would you?
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84. whoo!
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85. Well, she certainl
y is attractive, sir
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86. but I'm not sure
that's an appropriate way
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87. to be talkin' about
our cleaning lady.
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88. merry christmas!
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89. I see your stockings
are sure hung with care.
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90. oh, ow!
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91. Uh—uh, buck!
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92. God dangit!
I'm having an infarction.
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93. What?
Jesus!
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94. No! Oh, my god!
I'll call an ambulance
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95. we'll get to the hospital.
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96. Hang on, buck.
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97. We still got a lot of propane
to sell together.
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98. Hello, em-emergency room,
please.
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99. darn it, no.
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100. mr. Strickland, you gotta
use both arms, like me.
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101. (hank)
what do you think?
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102. If I show up at the hospital
with a tie on,
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103. it's kind of ghoulish.
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104. It's like sayin',
"why aren't you dead yet?"
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105. on the other hand,
we are in a crisis,
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106. and I will have
to give orders.
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107. See? You are already thinkin'
like a man in charge.
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108. Oh, this is so exciting.
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109. Save the tie
for the funeral.
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110. everybody listen up.
Strickland is a family.
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111. I'm like the daddy,
and the daddy
ain't feelin' so good.
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112. So, it's up to you kids
to become leaders.
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113. Make sure daddy's business
don't get run into the ground.
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114. Do you work for me?
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115. Yes, sir, Mr. Strickland.
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116. I'm your daddy.
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117. All 5 of you kids
are goin' to have to pitch in.
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118. Take—take on some
added responsibility.
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119. Could you ladies step outside
for a minute, please?
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120. I—I got a shot comin',
and it's just rude, you know,
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121. to make 2 such pretty gals
stare at my bare backside.
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122. all right, now that the skirts
are out in the hallway,
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123. we can get down
to business.
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124. One of you
has to run the company.
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125. Hank, you're my
right-hand man.
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126. I need you
to feed my hounds.
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127. Uh...
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128. Promise me you'll take car
e of my hounds, hank.
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129. Uh, I'll take
care of them. Sure
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130. tell me that you
will love them, hank.
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131. I'll—i'll... All right,
i'll do so.
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132. Vickers, you run
the company.
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133. The whole shebang.
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134. Lets see what that fancy
business degree of yours
is worth.
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135. You betcha.
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136. You're puttin' him
in charge?
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137. M-mr. Strickland, I've bee
n with the company 15 years.
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138. Hank, I let you
light the grill.
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139. Right now, my hounds
are starvin'.
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140. I bought enough
canned food
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141. to last us through
this storm
and the civil unrest
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142. that will
inevitably follow.
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143. Hope you like
water chestnuts.
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144. uh, hey, neighbor!
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145. I brought you somethin'.
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146. Water chestnuts.
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147. Oh, thank you.
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148. As a matter of fact,
there is somethin'
you can give me in return.
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149. I only have a 3-week
supply of propane.
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150. But you'll get
hank to hook me up.
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151. You owe me.
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152. Well, I'm sorry, dale.
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153. Hank may be in charge now,
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154. but you are not goin' to get
any special treatment.
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155. Hank's priorities
are propane first,
family 2nd,
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156. friends 3rd,
in that order.
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157. Fine. I'll just
have to barter for it.
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158. bill, you like
pumpkin pie fillin'?
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159. Hank!
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160. What's goin' on, hank?
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161. strickland picked
lloyd vickers
as interim manager
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162. what? W-w-why,
that suck-up's not even fit
to feed strickland's dogs.
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163. uh,
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164. Actually, that's
my department now.
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165. Oh, well,
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166. i'm sure it has
its own set of challenges.
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167. Does anyone know
what this means?
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168. ?
You're gonna be
doing drug testing
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169. you're thinking of p.c.p.
And, yes, we are.
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170. P.d.p.: "peak demand pricing."
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171. This weather has created
a propane shortage
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172. therefore,
market forces dictate
that we raise our prices.
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173. In business school,
that's called
"supply and demand."
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174. Yeah, well, in the real world
that's called
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175. stickin' it to people
when they need us most.
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176. Uh, hank,
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177. can we "dialogue"
for a second?
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178. I know this must b
e difficult for you.
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179. So I'm working out
some flex time
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180. so you can feed
mr. Strickland's dogs,
and clean their mess.
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181. Look, let me tell you
somethin' you can only
learn from experience.
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182. You got to treat
people with respect.
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183. You know who taught me that?
Buck strickland.
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184. He has the nerve
to give me "flex time."
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185. That's what they
give pregnant women,
and other disableds.
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186. I don't know, hank.
Sounds like he's just trying
to empower you.
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187. See, that's
the 5th building block
of total quality management.
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188. Mmm-hmm.
yep.
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189. Well, you won't be so quic
k to defend this guy
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190. when he raises propane prices
10 cents a gallon.
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191. (all )
10 cents?
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192. What?
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193. What about my
dang old hot tub, man?
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194. l
Well, I tell you what.
When strickland
gets back from the hospita
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195. and finds out about this,
he's gonna have
another heart attack.
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196. Someone's gotta teach
that vickers a lesson.
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197. If you want, I can show yo
u how to make a bomb
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198. out of a roll of toilet paper
and a stick of dynamite.
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199. Why didn't buck strickland
pick you to be boss, dad?
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200. well, uh,
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201. sometimes in life, uh...
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202. Uh, curve ball
and such, uh...
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203. Uh...
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204. Uh, that's your ride, boy.
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205. Hey, joe jack,
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206. can you give my boy
a lift home?
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207. Sorry, hank.
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208. Damn vickers put tattlers
in the trucks now.
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209. What? He can't do that.
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210. What's a tattler?
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211. It's a meter
that tells the boss
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212. when the driver stops,
and for how long.
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213. It's designed
to prevent goof-offs,
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214. lunch breaks,
unscheduled stops.
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215. All the things
the drivers' union
fought so hard for.
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216. meow, look at me,
i'm a kitty.
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217. Meow!
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218. (peggy)
meow! Meow!
Look at me, I'm a kitty.
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219. Meow! Meow!
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220. Meow! Meow! Meow!
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221. Good dog. Look at me.
I've got whiskers.
I'm a kitty cat.
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222. Run, honey.
They've seen you.
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223. this is ridiculous
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224. there's a snow crisis
goin' on
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225. and I'm sittin' here
scrubbin' off dog slobber.
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226. Do not blame yourself.
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227. Strickland is the fool
who passed you over.
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228. Well, no one bats a 1000.
Strickland's a good man.
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229. He's the only
other guy at the firm
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230. who has the same passion
for propane that I do.
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231. Oh...
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232. My lord!
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233. What?
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234. The stove.
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235. It's not propane.
It's electric.
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236. no.
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237. yes.
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238. Well, it'd better
be self-cleanin',
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239. because I thin
k I'm gonna vomit.
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240. How could you, sir?
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241. How could you buy
an electric stove
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242. after everything
propane has given you?
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243. Dang it, hank, we're both
men of the world.
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244. I've got a whole bunch
of electric appliances.
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245. They came with the house.
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246. But, Mr. Strickland,
you've always said
that propane is god's gas.
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247. It's a higher calling.
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248. Oh, hell, hank.
It's just a business.
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249. It's about makin'
as much money as you can,
while you can.
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250. That's why I let vickers
put in them tattlers.
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251. What? You knew about that?
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252. Well, sure. I've been usin'
tattlers off and on for years.
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253. Hell, back in the old days,
we used midgets.
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254. Stuck them behind the seat
s with a bucket of ice
to keep them cool.
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255. That's till osha came in
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256. and put them poor
little people on the street.
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257. That's what they
like to be called, hank.
"little people."
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258. The 15 years
I've worked with you
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259. have been the happiest years
of my life.
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260. Now I find out,
it was all a lie.
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261. I never thought
I would say this,
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262. but, Mr. Strickland, I'm not
comin' into work tomorrow.
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263. You mean, you quit,
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264. or are you takin'
a personal day?
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265. You heard me.
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266. I just need a couple days
up at the lake
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267. to figure out what I was
meant to do in this life.
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268. I've been takin'
a good hard look
at the propane business
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269. and it's sort of like seein'
a woman with her make-up off.
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270. Sharona johnson
came to beauty school
once with her make-up off
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271. and nobody told her.
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272. hmm, that was mean.
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273. Dad, I got the stove.
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274. Where's the propane thingy
that goes into it?
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275. Put it back, son.
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276. There's no room for propan
e on this trip.
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277. Now, listen to me, joe jack.
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278. We're just 2 steps
from win-win.
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279. Step one: you put
the tattler boxes back
in the trucks.
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280. Step 2: you keep your jobs.
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281. Oh, I got a 3rd step
for you, honey. We quit.
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282. fine. Quit.
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283. I've got a whole
alumni newsletter
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284. full of friends
I can call on.
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285. They'll drive those trucks
just for the life experience.
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286. and I guess your friends
are hazmat certified, too.
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287. Hazmat?
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288. !
Hazardous materials,
vickers! You moron
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289. you need a special license
to drive a propane truck!
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290. It's all right, sir.
I—I can get to "yes."
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291. I'll hire a new batch
of drivers right away.
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292. You listen to me,
goddang it!
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293. It's the goddang
height of the season.
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294. There's no drivers from here
to goddang city.
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295. (screaming)
you're fired!
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296. Here you go, sister.
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297. I told you
we should have stopped
at the mega lo mart.
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298. They don't even have
a separate candy
department here.
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299. Bobby hill, we are at
a remote cabin
out in the wilderness.
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300. We will make
our own candy.
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301. Hank, what are you doing?
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302. Put it down.
Now, someone might see
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303. come on, peggy.
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304. Haven't you ever
wondered what it's like
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305. to barbecue
with charcoal?
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306. You mean without propane?
But I don't think that—
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307. well,
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308. well, yeah,
I guess I am curious.
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309. (peggy on answering machine)
this is the hill residence.
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310. Please leave a message
at the beep.
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311. hank, it's your old buddy
buck strickland.
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312. That vickers
mucked things up worse
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313. than jack kennedy
at piggy bay.
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314. So, I got no drivers.
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315. I got no right-hand man!
I need you, old top.
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316. I need you bad.
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317. comes to $21.24.
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318. Uh, darn!
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319. I only got a $20.
I'll just run out to the car.
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320. $20's close enough
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321. we don't care
about $1 here or there
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322. "people before pennies,"
I always say.
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323. Hmm, well, thank you, friend.
You're good people.
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324. "we don't care
about $1 here or there."
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325. Now I know
why they call you "pa,
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326. 'cause you're pa-thetic.
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327. And I know
why they call you "ma,
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328. 'cause you're always
riding ma ass.
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329. hank, it's rudy over
at goobersmooches restaurant.
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330. I got no propane
for my stoves.
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331. I—i'm lookin' at 20 pounds
of rotten rib eye.
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332. I saved your life, dad.
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333. huh?
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334. I saved your life.
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335. I was gonna push you in,
and then I saved your life.
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336. You were goin'
to push me in?
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337. It was a joke.
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338. I said, do not disturb him
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339. oh!
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340. (shopkeeper)
we don't care about
$1 here or there.
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341. "people before pennies."
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342. People. Of course.
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343. People.
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344. Peggy, peggy.
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345. What? What is it?
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346. Pack up the car.
I figured it all out.
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347. It's not about tattler boxes,
or who's in charge.
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348. It's about service
with a smile,
and makin' people happy.
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349. Oh, I knew it. You are
goin' back to strickland.
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350. Hell, no.
I'm gonna open up
a general store.
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351. Escuchame?
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352. You see, everythin
g I thought I'd find
in propane,
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353. it isn't there.
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354. It's in the general store,
where they put
people before pennies.
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355. A fella's got no money
, he can't pay his bill?
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356. Well, that's
good enough for us
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357. ,
and then, that fella
will tell another,
and before you know it
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358. i'll have customers lined up
around the block.
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359. Bobby, bobby,
get out here, boy!
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360. I'm leavin'
the propane business,
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361. and openin' up
a general store.
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362. ok.
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363. I can't do it alone, peggy
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364. general stores
are "ma and pa."
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365. If you're not there,
people're gonna make
assumptions, like:
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366. "did pa kill ma?"
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367. they aren't gonna wann
a buy batteries from me,
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368. if they think you're back
in the freezer hanging
from a meat hook.
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369. ?
Am I wrong
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370. I don't know.
I don't know.
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371. People do need batteries,
but this is just all
happenin' so fast.
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372. Will you think
about it, ma?
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373. We could have
a section for books.
Children's books!
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374. m
And we wouldn't even
have to charge for the
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375. as long as the kid
s brought them back.
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376. That's a great idea, peggy
Kids are people.
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377. You see, you've come up
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378. with a whole new
customer base for our store.
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379. Oh, well...
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380. Oh, what the "h"!
You know what? I'll do it.
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381. I'm gonna go type
my letter of resignation
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382. to the arlen school board
right now.
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383. I guess I had better
write my letter, too.
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384. "it is with regret...
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385. hank, it's velma throckmorton.
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386. My hands froze to my walker,
and I had to thaw them
in the microwave.
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387. I need my propane.
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388. "it is with deep regret...
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389. uh, Mr. Hill,
it's hugh jimmerson.
My heat's gone out.
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390. I've tried
wearin' turtlenecks,
but they make me look french.
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391. Where are your trucks?
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392. "it is with
very deep regret...
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393. mr. Hill,
it's leta anderson.
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394. All 3 kids got the croup,
and I'm clear out of propane.
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395. It's cold.
It's real cold.
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396. (peggy)
all finished, hank!
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397. ok.
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398. Here it is.
One resignation letter,
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399. signed and self-notarized.
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400. Hank?
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401. (hank)
"peggy, went back to work.
Love, hank hill."
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402. uh, is that you, hank?
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403. You come back to dance
on my grave?
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404. No, sir, I don't
feel much like dancing
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405. there's a town
in crisis out there,
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406. and they need propane.
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407. That ain't gonna happen, hank.
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408. Vickers screwed everything up.
All our drivers quit.
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409. A real propane man
doesn't know the word "quit."
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410. Well, I don't know
how they said it.
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411. But them drivers
ain't workin' here no more.
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412. And you and me can't
drive them propane trucks
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413. because we don't
have hazmat licenses.
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414. It's all over.
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415. No, it ain't.
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416. You don't need
any hazmat license
to drive a tow truck.
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417. saved your life, dad.
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418. ]
[hank laughing
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419. "saved my life."
Now I get it.
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420. (peggy)
look at me, I'm a kitty! Meow!
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