Pluribus 1x6

1. It's...

2. Yeah. This way.

3. Okay. Okay.

4. Here we are inside something called Agri-Jet.

5. It's a refrigerated warehouse in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

6. Jesus.

7. It's cold in here.

8. All right, let me show you around. I'll give you a sense of the place,

9. give you the grand tour.

10. It's... It's huge.

11. It's maybe hundred feet long.

12. I don't know what that is in meters, but it's massive.

13. And it is packed to the rafters

14. with lots and lots of...

15. shrink-wrapped...

16. items.

17. Yeah, so what's inside?

18. Well...

19. A picture's worth a thousand words, right?

20. So, I'm gonna let you see for yourself.

21. Okay.

22. Okay.

23. Do you see this?

24. Huh? Yeah.

25. It's...

26. That is not a Butterball turkey.

27. I'll tell you that much.

28. What are they doing with all this, huh?

29. Guess.

30. Fucking guess.

31. Because this whole place is filled

32. with human bodies.

33. It's parts of them!

34. It's pieces of them.

35. All vacuum sealed.

36. That is what this whole plant is being used for.

37. And it's been happening right under our noses.

38. I mean, they got out of this town in a hurry,

39. but I guarantee you, before that,

40. they were probably doing three shifts a day in here.

41. And what's behind that door, huh?

42. It is a meat grinder the size of a bus and vats,

43. cooking vats.

44. And wait until you see what's inside those.

45. Two million, four hundred thousand even.

46. All in.

47. All in.

48. Five million dollars.

49. The house record.

50. Are you sure?

51. Please reveal your cards.

52. A straight flush.

53. A royal flush.

54. The higher hand.

55. Hey, pal. Stay in character.

56. You may have won this time, Mr. Diabaté.

57. But your luck is about to run out.

58. Someday, perhaps...

59. but not today.

60. For you, my lovely.

61. It's been an honor.

62. Anyone else?

63. Come, my beauties.

64. Next time.

65. It's been a pleasure!

66. And you are?

67. - Joette. - Joette!

68. Come in, my dear.

69. We're terribly sorry, our love,

70. but we have to leave immediately.

71. What? Why?

72. You're going to have a visitor.

73. You can come with us, if you want.

74. I can't do that to her.

75. Sooner or later, we'll have to talk.

76. Is there no time for even a little...?

77. Joette?

78. Please be here. Please be here. Please be here.

79. Please be here. Please be here.

80. Hello?

81. In here.

82. Just in time, Carol.

83. So, on their way out the door, they told you I was coming?

84. - Why'd you stay? - To welcome you.

85. No, thanks.

86. I appreciate that.

87. I bet they didn't tell you why I was coming.

88. There's no way in hell they did.

89. You're gonna need something stronger than champagne

90. when you see what I brought.

91. Do you...

92. have a TV in this barn?

93. Impressive.

94. Okay.

95. What do you got? H... HDMI. All right.

96. Is this another one of your videos?

97. You've seen my videos?

98. They actually sent you my videos?

99. Of course.

100. They were very well done.

101. Very dramatic.

102. Well, you could have...

103. Forget it.

104. When you see this one...

105. Let's just say...

106. It's disturbing.

107. And I hate to use a cliché,

108. but you might want to sit down. Seriously.

109. 'Cause I am telling you what you are about to witness—

110. Is this about them eating people?

111. - What? - It is troubling.

112. Wait, how would you... How could you...

113. Allow me.

114. Hello, Carol. We're John Cena,

115. and we're here to address some questions you may be having

116. regarding our food supply.

117. As you know, we can't purposely kill, harm,

118. or otherwise interfere with any form of life.

119. That limits what we're able to consume.

120. Because when we say "any life," that includes plant life.

121. We can't harvest wheat or corn or rice.

122. We can't pluck an apple from a tree.

123. Once an apple drops of its own accord,

124. well, we'll eat it, of course, and gratefully.

125. Indeed, we harvest all the windfall we can find.

126. Plus, there are billions of domesticated animals,

127. cows, chief amongst them, that still require milking.

128. And there's preexisting food, millions of tons of it,

129. that was processed prior to our joining.

130. So far, so good, right?

131. Except for one small problem.

132. As of this taping, there are 7,348,292,411 of us.

133. That's a lot of mouths to feed.

134. We're facing a caloric deficit,

135. and to make up for it, we've had to take certain measures.

136. This is how we get our sustenance.

137. One half-pint of this shelf-stable liquid contains 300 calories.

138. Which means that based on a diet of 2,400 calories a day,

139. someone John Cena's size needs eight of these every 24 hours.

140. Larger individuals require more. Smaller ones, less.

141. What's in it?

142. Well, a lot of things.

143. It's manufactured across the globe,

144. so the recipe changes based on the local availability of ingredients.

145. Mostly, it's those stockpiled foodstuffs we spoke of,

146. particularly ones that are in danger of spoiling.

147. Additionally, each carton contains eight to 12%

148. of something we call HDP.

149. Human-derived protein.

150. And yep, that's pretty much what it sounds like.

151. Nearly 100,000 people pass away each day due to natural causes and accidents.

152. Those human remains, which would otherwise go to waste,

153. are our source of HDP.

154. We cherish the memory of these people and appreciate their sacrifice.

155. Given our druthers, would we choose to consume HDP?

156. No.

157. Throughout history, most cultures, though not all,

158. have taken a dim view of anthropophagy.

159. Honestly, we're not that keen on it ourselves.

160. But we're left with little choice.

161. Rest assured, Carol, you will never have to consume this product.

162. Not unless you want to, which we assume is unlikely.

163. We will never serve HDP to you in any form at any time.

164. We will continue to reserve only the freshest,

165. best windfall and stockpiled foods for you.

166. We hope that clears things up.

167. As always, your well-being is of the utmost importance to us.

168. Any comments, concerns, call any time, day or night, and leave a voicemail.

169. We regret not being able to speak to you directly,

170. but for the time being, we need our space.

171. So you knew all about this?

172. How... When...

173. For how long?

174. About a week ago, out of curiosity, I asked John Cena,

175. "Why do you people drink so much milk?"

176. We had been hanging out together.

177. He was teaching me the sunset flip powerbomb.

178. And what was your reaction?

179. Do you even have one?

180. As I said, it is troubling.

181. Very much so.

182. It probably helps that I've had time to think about it.

183. I must say John Cena makes a fairly reasonable case.

184. In French, he's even more convincing.

185. That is not John Cena.

186. Jesus Christ, why are you so...

187. How about the fact that in Spain they all said they were vegetarians?

188. Yes, I asked John about that.

189. He reminded me that technically what they said was

190. that they would prefer to be vegetarian.

191. Oh, great, so all the fucking lawyers in the world survived.

192. Carol, for the record,

193. I am in no way pleased with the idea of these people eating human flesh.

194. None of us are.

195. Us?

196. Who's us?

197. The other individuals.

198. The ones like you and me.

199. We stay in touch.

200. You stay in touch?

201. All 12 of you?

202. All but one. There's a gentleman in Paraguay.

203. Chaperones reach out, but he doesn't reply.

204. But the other 11 of us, yes.

205. So the 11 of you, you...

206. What? You just hang out?

207. Potluck suppers and whatnot.

208. - We meet occasionally. - Okay.

209. Tuesdays and Fridays.

210. Oh, well, that's a lot of flying.

211. Mostly, we're on Zoom.

212. Right.

213. What do you guys talk about?

214. I mean, it can't be saving the world 'cause you shot that down really quickly.

215. In a sense it is.

216. Carol, what John Cena did not mention is that even with the HDP,

217. most of the world's population will starve to death within the next ten years.

218. - Says who? - Says them.

219. If you press them long enough.

220. We wish to save them from that.

221. At our most recent gathering, we pitched the idea of robotic farming.

222. However, as it is, they would have to build and program the robots.

223. They did appreciate the input.

224. I bet.

225. Did you guys ever talk about including me in the Zooms?

226. I mean...

227. I am a professional writer, and no offense,

228. but I can come up with shit like robots all day long.

229. We...

230. We took a vote.

231. It was not unanimous,

232. but the majority felt your presence might prove...

233. disruptive.

234. Also, our non-English speakers were perhaps a bit offended that

235. you did not invite them to join us in Spain.

236. I'm sorry, Carol.

237. Ultimately this is not about you.

238. Or any of us, for that matter.

239. Yeah, sure. I get it.

240. Where's your nearest bathroom?

241. But she's so lonely.

242. Yes, I know.

243. Okay.

244. I miss you too, my loves.

245. See you soon.

246. You're awake.

247. Once again, your timing is perfect.

248. Please, sit.

249. That looks good. Thanks.

250. So...

251. what are your plans?

252. Well, I'm sure you need a break from me.

253. I have enjoyed your company, Carol.

254. - You like your space. I get it. - No.

255. So, I was thinking I'll go find my own suite,

256. get cleaned up, and then,

257. we can get together later.

258. Talk some more.

259. I'm just messing with you.

260. Well done.

261. Truth is, I can't get out of Vegas fast enough.

262. This city is like a trillion dollar light-up ashtray.

263. No offense to your new town.

264. No, none taken.

265. I'm sure it's no Albuquerque.

266. Carol, you can always call me.

267. Dial zero, and they will find me wherever I am.

268. Thanks.

269. How you say,

270. "check in" now and then, hmm?

271. Sure.

272. Maybe you will have some ideas on how to save these people from starvation.

273. I don't know.

274. Maybe tell 'em to pick a fucking apple.

275. - Wow. - Sorry.

276. I didn't mean that.

277. I mean, fuck it, yes, I did.

278. I meant that, but...

279. not like it sounded.

280. I'm not some kind of monster, you know?

281. I just...

282. They're doing this to themselves.

283. They are choosing to starve.

284. - They do not see it that way. - Listen to me.

285. The only way to save these lunatics is to turn them back the way they were.

286. There is a way to reverse this.

287. Help me find it.

288. Do you seriously think the world is a better place now,

289. just because it's peaceful?

290. Well, once they turn us, we're gonna starve right along with them.

291. Have you thought of that?

292. They cannot turn us,

293. not without our consent.

294. What do you mean?

295. It seems the only way to make their virus work on us

296. is by tailoring it to our individual stem cells.

297. But to obtain those stem cells, they must first collect them from our bodies.

298. What... What?

299. Apparently that involves sticking a large needle into the bone of the hip.

300. Somewhat painful.

301. And very invasive.

302. Something they cannot do without our permission.

303. When did you find this out?

304. They made this discovery only yesterday.

305. They are not pleased about it, I can assure you.

306. They asked me if I would give my consent.

307. I said,

308. "Regrettably, as of this time, I prefer not to."

309. Hello, Carol.

310. This is a recording.

311. At the tone, you can leave a message to request anything you might need.

312. We'll do our best to provide it.

313. Our feelings for you haven't changed, Carol.

314. But after everything that's happened, we just need a little space.

315. It's me.

316. Is it true that you need our stem cells to turn us into you?

317. And furthermore, is it true that you need our express permission

318. to collect those stem cells?

319. Carol.

320. Hello, Carol.

321. This is a recording.

322. At the tone, you can leave a message to request anything you might need.

323. We'll do our best to provide it.

324. Our feelings for you haven't changed, Carol.

325. But after everything that's happened, we just need a little space.

326. I am officially going on record that I do not consent.

327. You will not lay a finger on me.

328. Repeat that back.

329. This is your vehicle?

330. Yep.

331. Interesting choice.

332. You too.

333. For what it's worth, the world is doing the best it can.

334. It misses you.

335. Zosia misses you.

336. They want to come back, Carol.

337. They're just looking for a change of heart.

338. Fuck 'em.

339. Watch your toes.

340. To my 12 fellow survivors...

341. Twelve?

342. greetings. I'm Carol Sturka.

343. Some of you know me.

344. Some of you I've yet to meet.

345. But... if you're still one of us,

346. then this message is for you.

347. There is a way to undo this situation.

348. To turn the world back the way it's supposed to be.

349. How do I know this?

350. Because earlier today, these afflicted people, these Others,

351. they basically told me so themselves.

352. Because guess what?

353. They can't lie.

354. Which is yet another thing I've discovered.

355. This alien virus or whatever it is,

356. it doesn't allow them to do that.

357. So, what is this solution exactly?

358. That they didn't tell me.

359. But they so resisted telling me,

360. that everybody suddenly burst into tears.

361. Worldwide, apparently.

362. Which I know upset at least one of you.

363. And then after that,

364. they completely abandoned the city I live in.

365. Leaving me here all alone.

366. Which says to me I'm on the right track.

367. Now, I realize some of you

368. think the world might be better off this way,

369. with all the newfound peace, love and understanding.

370. Enjoy that opinion.

371. Relish it.

372. Because it may be the last one you ever possess.

373. And when the day comes that you have peace and love forced upon you,

374. who knows, maybe in that last fleeting moment,

375. you might just realize you treasure your individuality.

376. If there is someone here, I advise you to get out now.

377. Hello, son.

378. We're happy to see you.

379. You must be hungry and confused.

380. Can we answer any questions?

381. Tell us. What can we do for you, son?

382. Don't call me son. You're not my mother.

383. My mother's a bitch.