1. - This just in,
Atlantis, home of Aquaman
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2. and character actor
William H. Macy.,
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3. has been attacked
only a week before Sinking Day,
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4. the national holiday
commemorating
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5. the sinking
of their ancient city.
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6. - Ron, I didn't know that you
and William H. Macy
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7. are from the same place.
- Mm-hmm.
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8. - What are you talking about?
- Oh, I'm from Atlantis.
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9. - I thought you said
you were from Atlanta.
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10. - No, that's Donald Glover.
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11. And it might be racist
that you heard that.
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12. - Classic white person
making white person assumptions.
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13. - I'm half Filipino.
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14. - I thought you said
you were half Philadelphia?
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15. - What the hell is
half Philadelphia?
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16. - I don't know.
- All right, let's just agree
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17. that we're all racist.
- Oh, we're not racist.
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18. We just don't
listen to each other.
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19. - Filipinos are
notoriously bad listeners.
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20. - What did you just say?
- Case in point.
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21. - Emily, I just got
the latest sales report.
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22. Tell me if you think
that is acceptable.
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23. - It says sales have
gone up 35% since January.
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24. - Okay, cool, that's what
I hoped it said.
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25. I'm not a big chart guy.
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26. So I think that kind of effort
deserves a reward.
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27. - Well, thank you, Van.
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28. - Which is why
I'm telling my father
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29. it is time I was promoted
to the Gotham office.
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30. - Wait, what?
Why would you get the promotion?
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31. January is the month
that I started.
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32. - Meaning what?
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33. - That's when sales
started going up.
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34. - Meaning what?
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35. - I think we can point
to one main reason.
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36. - Right!
This guy.
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37. Emily,
you're great at your job,
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38. but you need to remember
that I am "da boss,"
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39. which means that it is your job
to execute my vision.
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40. And my vision is
for sales to go up,
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41. and they did.
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42. - So you're going to sit
with your dad,
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43. and honestly say
you deserve a promotion?
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44. - Van Senior is on the board
of Wayne Industries,
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45. a scratch golfer,
a devoted husband,
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46. and a dedicated lover
to several mistresses.
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47. He doesn't have time
to sit with me.
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48. I was hoping to fly to Gotham
and talk to him
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49. while we walked to where
his Testarossa was parked.
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50. - And I could.
- The whole time?
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51. - Hey, Ron!
- Hey, Alex!
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52. - Hey, boss.
- Hey.
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53. Why does Alex keep
calling me boss?
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54. That's so annoying.
- Man, what do you mean?
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55. It's just a term of endearment.
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56. - No, it's a condescending
thing to say to someone
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57. that you don't respect.
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58. Hey, boss.
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59. - Pow!
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60. - There's something off
about Alex.
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61. - Yeah, Alex gets me off too.
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62. Wait, what did you say?
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63. - Breaking news flash.
A school bus full of children
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64. has just gone through
the railing
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65. of the Charm City Bridge,
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66. and is teetering
400 feet above the bay.
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67. Our own Marv Wolfman
is on the scene.
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68. - Sorry, boss, there's something
I need to attend to.
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69. - Looks like new guy
has diarrhea.
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70. Not so attractive now,
huh, Jackie?
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71. - Nah, I'm still in.
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72. - What's this?
Coming out of the sky,
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73. a man in a golden helmet
is lifting the bus to safety.
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74. - Hey, now, we all just saw Alex
run out of here, and then—
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75. you don't think—
- About him naked?
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76. Yes, I do.
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77. - Okay, Ace Chemicals
is gonna be here in a sec.
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78. Let's run this one more time.
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79. What is the greatest generator
of supervillains
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80. aside from bad parenting?
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81. - Being bitten by things.
- Laboratory mishaps.
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82. - Losing the popular vote,
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83. but somehow winning
the election.
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84. - Hey, guys, come on.
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85. Ron, your line is,
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86. "It's people falling into vats
of chemicals."
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87. - Do not give me
a line reading, Emily.
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88. It is insulting.
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89. - Ace Chemicals is
our biggest client.
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90. I wanna make sure it is perfect.
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91. - But then my dad got them
to drop the charges!
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92. - But we're still banned
from Lake Havasu,
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93. you piece of.
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94. - Emily, let me introduce you
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95. to this piece of
right here.
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96. This is Royce Kane.
- Nice to meet you.
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97. Ready for the presentation,
you pieces of?
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98. Oh, my God,
I am so sorry.
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99. I-I just—
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100. Look at you!
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101. - Just busting your chops!
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102. All right, let's talk vats.
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103. - Okay, so last year,
flaws in our safety grate
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104. resulted in roughly one clown
villain every three months.
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105. So we changed
the material on the grate
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106. to an acid-proof alloy.
- I'm a little confused.
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107. We're not interested
in mechanical grates.
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108. We wanna upgrade
to a force field system.
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109. And I explained all this
in my email.
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110. - Oh... now, well, it sounds
like somebody dropped the ball.
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111. Who did you send the email to?
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112. - You.
- Huh?
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113. Oh, it probably got caught
in my spam filter.
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114. - You responded, "Sounds good,"
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115. with a gif of two dogs humping.
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116. - That does sound like me.
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117. - You know,
this isn't the first time
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118. that you've dropped the ball.
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119. Normally, I'd let it go
because our families are close,
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120. but I've got a company to run.
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121. I'm sorry,
but we're going to LexCorp.
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122. - That's it?
I don't even get to say my line?
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123. I mean, this is
my sixth grade production
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124. of "Anne Frank" all over again!
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125. - You might have heard that
we suffered a little setback.
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126. - Little? Jackie,
how big was that account?
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127. - $75 million annually.
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128. - $75 million!
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129. I'm, uh, struggling.
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130. Thank you.
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131. One of many accounts.
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132. - Wayne Security.
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133. - Look, it's great
that you can mess up
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134. and there's never
any consequences,
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135. but the rest of us don't have
your dad to take care of us.
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136. - How dare you.
I am a grown man.
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137. I'm not taken care of
by my "daddy."
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138. - Van, your father's helicopter
just landed on the roof.
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139. Daddy?
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140. Here in Charm City?
Did he land angrily?
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141. Oh, it's an honor
to work with me?
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142. Well, thank you,
Bill and Melinda Gates.
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143. Uh, hey, Dad.
Bye.
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144. - I just got off the phone
with the Kanes.
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145. When I started here,
this division was nothing,
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146. so what did I do?
I opened up the phonebook.
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147. I started at the beginning.
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148. Guess which client
I landed first.
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149. - AARP.
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150. AAA?
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151. Aaron Brothers?
- It's Ace Chemicals.
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152. How can you not get that
from the context?
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153. - Oh.
- I created that relationship.
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154. I nurtured it for 30 years,
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155. and you just pissed it away.
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156. - You don't even like the Kanes.
You said yourself,
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157. they have no understanding
of marina etiquette.
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158. They christened their yacht
with Korbel.
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159. - You are a turd in my toilet,
and you can't even swim.
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160. - I can float.
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161. - I have overlooked a lot
of your transgressions, kid,
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162. but it's now time
you face some consequences.
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163. - What are you gonna do?
Take away the boat?
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164. The ski-in, ski-out chalet?
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165. Not the trust fund.
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166. - Oh, no.
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167. Something much more important
than that.
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168. The last remaining shred
of respect that I had for you.
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169. - What?
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170. - You wanted to see me?
- In a way, I envy you, Emily.
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171. Your father is a poor,
so it doesn't matter
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172. if you have his respect.
- Okay, you know what?
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173. You could learn a lot
from my dad.
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174. He had a flower shop,
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175. and through thick and thin,
he kept it open.
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176. He always said, "Put in the work
and the rest will come."
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177. - My dad always said,
"Buy your mistress
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178. the same perfume as your wife."
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179. - Why am I here?
- You are going to help me
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180. regain my father's respect.
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181. And do you know how
we are going to do that?
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182. - No.
How?
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183. - God damn it!
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184. Jackie, send Teddy in!
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185. - Hey, hold on, hold on.
- Hold on! Hold on!
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186. - Why would you care
what I think?
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187. I mean, I only execute
your vision, right?
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188. I have no vision of my own.
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189. I see what is happening here.
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190. Hmm.
What do you want?
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191. - I wanna be promoted to SVP
of Research and Development,
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192. and I want that mug.
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193. - But how will I know
I'm "da boss"
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194. if I don't have "da mug"?
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195. - Look, you lost a big client.
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196. The only way to get
your dad's respect
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197. is if you go get another one.
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198. - And by you, you mean—
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199. - Us.
- It's the royal you?
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200. - Start making calls.
- Oh, yeah, I'm on it.
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201. You know, we Waynes
didn't get to where we are
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202. by being afraid of hard work.
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203. We did it by leveraging
a coal monopoly in the 1870s.
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204. - Same chin.
Same body type.
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205. I'm telling you guys,
Alex is the Olympian.
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206. - I guess the only way
to know for certain
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207. is for one of us
to sleep with him.
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208. Fine, I'll do it.
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209. - If you have
the power of flight,
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210. you don't also decide to get
an accounting degree.
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211. You just fly around.
- Duh. Alter ego?
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212. Just like my theory that
Bruce Wayne is really The Flash,
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213. and that Stephen Baldwin
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214. is just a character
played by Alec Baldwin.
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215. - Okay, I'm not buying it,
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216. but I'm very intrigued
by the Baldwin thing.
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217. All right, look,
if Alex is a superhero,
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218. then he should
be able to catch this.
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219. - Hey!
- Oops.
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220. - Whoa, look out, boss.
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221. - Well, I mean, of course
he's not going to catch it.
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222. It would give him away.
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223. - My kid made that mug,
you idiot.
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224. ♪ Daddy doesn't love me
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225. Ooh, that's good.
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226. You're supposed
to be making calls.
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227. - It tried. It was hard,
so I took a break to jam.
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228. I found a sweet riff,
and then you came in
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229. and messed up my flow.
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230. - I've been on the phone
all day.
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231. Now, remember how Atlantis
got attacked?
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232. I called them.
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233. I didn't know when
to call though,
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234. because what time zone
is Atlantis in?
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235. I mean, do they have
daylight savings time?
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236. Do they even have daylight?
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237. - They wanna hear our pitch.
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238. We have a chance to supply
security products
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239. to all of Atlantis.
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240. This is huge!
Way bigger than Ace Chemicals.
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241. - Yes!
We did it!
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242. God bless those weird
little fish people.
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243. - That is actually
very insensitive.
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244. You know, Ron is from Atlantis.
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245. - I thought he said
he was from Atlanta.
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246. - So those are the guys
from Atlantis?
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247. - Mm-hmm.
- And you're from
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248. the same place as them?
- Crazy, right?
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249. 'Cause they're so dour,
and I'm so cheerful.
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250. - Yeah, it's a demeanor thing.
- Yeah, totally.
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251. - All right, we hooked 'em,
so let's go reel 'em in.
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252. - Ooh.
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253. Emily, underwater people
do not like language
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254. like "hooked" or "reel 'em in."
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255. - Good catch.
- That's another one.
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256. - Okay.
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257. - Land people.
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258. - So those are just a couple
of the products
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259. we think could really help
make Atlantis safe,
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260. so you don't always have to rely
on Aquaman to protect you.
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261. - You've given us
a lot to think about.
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262. We'll give you an answer
in a couple of weeks.
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263. We need to head home
for Sinking Day.
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264. - Well, it has been an absolute
pleasure meeting you.
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265. If you have
any questions at all,
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266. you can email me directly.
- I love Sinking Day.
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267. I celebrate it every year.
I got to get my sink on.
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268. - You celebrate Sinking Day?
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269. - Yes!
I throw a huge party.
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270. I'm famous for it.
Aquaman drops by.
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271. - Anyways, here are some mater—
- You know Aquaman?
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272. - We are very close
personal friends.
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273. He always brings
the seaweed salad.
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274. I love to chill with A-to-the-Q.
Now as I was saying—
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275. - Uh, we would love to chill
with A-to-the-Q.
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276. Could, uh,
we celebrate with you tomorrow?
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277. - Yes!
- And meet Aquaman?
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278. - Mm, yeah.
Yeah.
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279. Laughing's fun.
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280. - And that's why
they call me the closer.
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281. Move over, Kyra Sedgwick.
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282. Jackie!
Send me a gift basket.
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283. - You're sending yourself
a gift basket?
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284. - Yes, it's called self-care,
Emily.
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285. - Van, follow my logic.
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286. You don't know Aquaman.
- Mm.
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287. - When the Atlantians show up,
and Aquaman's not there,
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288. we're going to lose the deal.
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289. - We were already going
to lose the deal, Emily.
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290. That's the first rule
of business.
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291. Never let them leave
without a yes.
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292. - Well, I'm pretty sure
the second rule of business
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293. is don't make promises
you can't deliver.
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294. - If that was a rule,
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295. there would be
no such thing as business.
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296. Emily!
We'll figure it out later,
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297. after we wow them
with this party.
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298. - How am I supposed to wow them
with a party tomorrow
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299. when we don't even know
what Sinking Day is?
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300. - I provided the vision,
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301. which is for you
to make it happen.
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302. - You asked me to help,
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303. and then you made me
do all the work
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304. while you wrote a song.
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305. You know, I worked
every summer for my dad.
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306. - Oh, God,
tales from the flower shop.
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307. - Yeah, that's right.
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308. That's where
I learned hard work.
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309. And I was hoping
I would end up working
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310. for someone like my father—
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311. someone inspiring,
a mentor—
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312. yet I ended up with you.
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313. I'm starting to get
where your dad's coming from.
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314. - Oh... and I'm starting to get
where your dad is coming from!
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315. Which is a flower shop,
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316. because you won't
shut the hell up about it!
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317. - That's right.
Congratulations on a good job
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318. both to and from Van.
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319. I know.
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320. - Psst.
Psst!
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321. P-sst!
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322. Come here!
- Oh, my God.
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323. - Guys, I've been tracking
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324. Alex's bathroom habits
very closely.
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325. - That feels like an HR issue,
but continue.
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326. - I believe that's
where Alex changes
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327. into his Olympian costume.
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328. For instance, at 12:06 p.m.,
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329. the Olympian stopped a mugging.
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330. Now, at 12:05,
Alex went to the bathroom
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331. for exactly two minutes,
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332. which is too long
for a number one,
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333. yet too short for a number two,
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334. which means—
- You're a crazy person.
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335. - Oh, am I?
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336. Well, I thought
you might be skeptical,
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337. which is why I'm putting
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338. Operation Fake Lady
Getting Mugged into effect.
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339. - What the hell is Operation
Fake Lady Getting—
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340. - Oh, my God!
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341. There's a real lady
getting mugged down there!
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342. - Okay.
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343. - Okay, now put
a camera into the bathroom,
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344. so we can watch Alex change.
Let's go.
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345. - Ron...
- Let him finish.
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346. - No-no-no-no,
this is getting out of hand.
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347. He is not a superhero, okay?
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348. And I don't want you
to look more foolish
Copy !req
349. than you already have.
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350. What?
- Where'd Alex go?
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351. - It doesn't mean—
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352. - I'm sold.
Just to be sure,
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353. I think we should
probably take a look
Copy !req
354. at that footage
of Alex changing.
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355. You're right.
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356. - Oh, hey, look.
Okay.
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357. - Welcome to our annual
Sinking Day celebration!
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358. What do you think?
- This is nothing like
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359. any Sinking Day party
I've ever been to.
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360. - Oh, well, uh—
- It's way better!
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361. Look at that sculpture
of King Orin!
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362. - He's even half circumcised,
which is our way.
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363. - Uh, so glad you like it.
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364. Wait until
we bring out the tuna!
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365. - Ah! Yes!
The noble tuna,
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366. our most valuable ally,
and trusted friend.
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367. - Oh...
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368. - Ah, you have
touched our hearts.
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369. I guess the only question now
is, where's Aquaman?
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370. - Ahh!
Yes.
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371. Well, you know,
Aquaman is like—
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372. - Aha, friends!
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373. Welcome.
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374. A little fly
in the ointment.
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375. A-to-the-Q can't make it.
- Oh.
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376. - But he sends
this Cognac Grande Champagne
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377. du LaCoursiere.
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378. Lars, I believe you are
a connoisseur.
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379. - There are only four bottles
of this in the world.
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380. And Albert,
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381. I understand you're somewhat
of a film buff.
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382. For you, the complete works
of Brendan Fraser.
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383. - The master.
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384. - Brendan Fraser?
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385. - He's revered in Atlantis
for some reason.
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386. - Huh.
- And for Anthony,
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387. perfume for your wife,
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388. and a second bottle
of the same perfume for whoever.
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389. - Oh.
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390. Oh, yeah!
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391. I have to be honest with you,
when we left that meeting,
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392. we were gonna go
with a local company.
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393. - Really?
Can you believe that, Emily?
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394. - I'm just as surprised
as you, Van.
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395. - Ah!
You know what, gentlemen,
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396. why don't we crack open
that bottle of LaCoursiere
Copy !req
397. and hammer out these details?
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398. Sarah, conference room.
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399. Third rule of business,
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400. find out personal information
about your clients,
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401. and exploit it
for your own gain.
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402. - I guess there are some things
I can still learn from you.
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403. - Well, what do you say
we go sign the biggest client
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404. this division has ever had?
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405. - You're not signing anyone.
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406. I heard that Atlantis
is interested,
Copy !req
407. and this is far too important
for you to screw up.
Copy !req
408. - But, Dad—
- I'll handle it.
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409. ♪ Why did Daddy pull off
Copy !req
410. - Van?
- Don't come any closer.
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411. I'm naked from the waist down.
Copy !req
412. It calms me.
- Well, I just thought
Copy !req
413. there was something
you needed to hear.
Copy !req
414. You put in the work,
and did something great.
Copy !req
415. And do you know who would've
respected the hell out of that?
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416. My dad.
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417. - You never speak
of your mother.
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418. Did you drive her to suicide
with these stories?
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419. - Look, if you want
your own father's respect,
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420. go in there and be "da boss."
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421. - I am "da boss."
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422. - Go!
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423. Dear, God.
- Oh, yeah, whoops, just—
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424. - So I opened up the phone book,
and I started at the beginning,
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425. and guess who I landed first.
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426. - Father, Mom's on the phone.
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427. She's crying hysterically.
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428. She's outside the condo
of a woman named Sasha?
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429. - I'll be right back.
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430. Would you stop playing games?
Now listen to me—
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431. - No, you listen to me.
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432. I am the one who put
this party together sort of,
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433. and I'm the one who lied
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434. and said that Aquaman
was gonna be here,
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435. and I was the one who bought
a middling bottle of Cognac,
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436. and had his secretary
soak the label in tea,
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437. so get out of my way,
you therapy-inducing windbag!
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438. This is my account to close!
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439. - Are you finished?
- Yeah, yeah.
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440. - Because I was
about to tell you
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441. the Atlantians
only wanna deal with you
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442. and that Filipino woman.
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443. - Is that what she is?
- I was also gonna say
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444. that maybe for
the first time in your life,
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445. I'm proud of you.
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446. - You can say it now.
- Nah, moment's passed.
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447. Now get in there and close
the deal, you piece of.
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448. - Ah, Dad.
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449. - Don't touch.
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450. - Wait, so you really want me
to walk you through
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451. how we process expense reports?
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452. - Yes, very slowly.
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453. - Okay, well,
let's get our spreadsheet on!
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454. - Yucky. The only thing
this footage proves
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455. is that Gary from Marketing
doesn't wash his hands.
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456. - Mm.
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457. - Mm-mm, mm-mm.
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458. - Well, I mean,
Alex must've changed
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459. in the supply closet.
What I need to do
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460. is set up a series of cameras—
- For the last time,
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461. he's not a superhero.
- He is.
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462. You must believe in something
bigger than yourself,
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463. or there is only hopelessness.
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464. - Where the hell
did you get that?
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465. - That was my line
in the sixth grade production
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466. of "Anne Frank,"
but I feel like it applies.
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467. - Hm.
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468. - And that's why I moved
the remainder over.
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469. - That's fascinating.
I'm gonna get us some drinks.
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470. Don't go anywhere.
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471. - Hold my drink.
- Okay.
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472. - Not a superhero.
- Okay.
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473. - Attention, everyone,
we have an announcement.
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474. - Wayne Security
has a new client.
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475. The Lost City of Atlantis!
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476. All right,
now let's get our sink on!
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477. Bring out the tuna!
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478. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
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479. ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
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480. - Ha! That's funny.
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