1. - Are you guys ready for lunch?
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2. Guys, it's 80 degrees outside.
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3. - First day of cold season,
newbie.
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4. - It's when all
the icy super villians
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5. start fighting
and freezing stuff.
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6. I wonder who's coming
to Charm City this year.
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7. Mr. Freeze, Captain Cold...
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8. - Frostbite, Killer Frost...
- Mm.
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9. - Minister Blizzard...
- Snow Patrol.
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10. Wait, that's a band,
but they're coming to town.
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11. - Ooh.
- I'm not scared
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12. of a few flurries, okay?
I am from the Midwest.
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13. I know what real cold is.
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14. - You were saying?
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15. - Yep, that's real cold.
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16. Cold season is
impossible to dress for.
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17. It's like a wedding
on the beach.
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18. - Linen and no socks.
Not complicated.
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19. - You should get a pair
of Teddy's gloves.
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20. - Oh.
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21. These?
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22. Designed them myself.
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23. They heat my hands
to the perfect temperature.
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24. They can also defrost
your car door
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25. or reheat your coffee.
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26. Heh?
- Hmm.
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27. - Ah.
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28. - That was a soda.
- Yeah.
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29. - Anyways,
I have some very exciting news.
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30. - Is it actually exciting
or is it Emily exciting?
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31. - What the hell
is "Emily exciting"?
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32. - Finding a conflict-free brand
of hummus.
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33. - Having another shopper
at Anthropologie
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34. ask if you work there.
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35. - Getting retweeted
by Lena Dunham.
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36. - She didn't just retweet me.
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37. She quoted my tweet
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38. and wrote "so much this."
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39. Anyways, you guys'll like this.
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40. Wayne Industries
is holding a contest
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41. that awards $100,000
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42. to the employee
who comes up with an invention
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43. that, "embodies the triumph
of the human spirit."
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44. - Whoa, that is the exact review
I wrote for my barber.
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45. I mean, this doesn't
just happen, guys.
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46. - Oh, I know.
- I'm sorry,
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47. you losers
talking about entering
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48. the Wayne Innovation Contest?
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49. - Excuse me.
Who are you?
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50. - Zane and Anton,
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51. two Wayne X asshats.
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52. Oh, they think they're so cool
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53. because they work in
a super-elite division
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54. that makes
cutting-edge technology
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55. that shapes our future.
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56. - That actually does sound
pretty cool.
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57. - It is.
- And they get free soda.
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58. - We do.
- Why wouldn't we enter
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59. the Wayne Innovation Contest?
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60. - Because no one gives a crap
about Wayne Security R&D.
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61. You make widgets.
You're nobodies.
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62. - Yeah.
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63. - Ugh, our division matters.
We are not nobodies.
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64. - FYI, guys, corporate gave away
your parking spots.
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65. So starting next week,
you're gonna have to park
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66. across the street
under the bridge that leaks tar.
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67. - Oh.
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68. - This child-sized car
arrived for you.
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69. Were you expecting
a full-size one
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70. or is it because
your father didn't hug you?
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71. - My Bugatti is
because my father didn't hug me,
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72. this is for an actual child.
- But you hate those.
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73. - I know, but I'm going away
with Chelsea this weekend
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74. and she's insisting
on bringing her son.
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75. - Isn't no kids in the agreement
that you make women sign
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76. before you date them?
- No, the agreement states
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77. that we can't make any kids,
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78. but it doesn't account
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79. for any pre-existing conditions.
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80. It's broken
into hundreds of pieces.
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81. There's a ransom note.
- Those are instructions.
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82. It's in pieces because
you have to put it together.
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83. - I can't do this.
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84. You know, Jackie,
I'm gonna need you to—
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85. Old girl's still got some moves.
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86. - I don't know about you guys,
but hearing those Wayne X punks
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87. tells us we're nobodies got me
really excited for this contest.
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88. - Oh, it had
the opposite effect on me.
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89. I am very demoralized.
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90. - Teddy, what about you?
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91. Oh, they weren't
referring to me.
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92. I think it was more like
Steve, Susan, Wendy.
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93. - Wendy's right there.
- Nah, it's cool.
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94. I mean, I don't not suck.
- See?
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95. - What about your heat gloves?
They're amazing.
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96. Enter those
and we could win this.
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97. - I mean,
my heat gloves would kill it,
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98. fo' sho, but I got
a lot on my plate, so...
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99. - Oh, sure.
I get it.
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100. You know, I built you up
too much in my head.
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101. I did the same thing
with the "Hobbit" movies.
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102. - I am not the "Hobbit" movies.
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103. - That sounds like something
a "Hobbit" movie would say.
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104. - I can't argue with that logic.
I'm in.
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105. Yeah, suck it, Wayne X.
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106. - I am re-moralized!
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107. Ooh.
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108. - Probably need
to make a few tweaks.
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109. - Yeah.
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110. - Benny!
Uh, Charles!
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111. - Uh-oh.
- Oh, no.
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112. He has the look.
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113. - The "I'm gonna
blow up your day
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114. by making you do some annoying
personal task" look.
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115. - Hey, guys.
I was wondering—
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116. - Diarrhea.
- Period.
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117. Ah, there he is!
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118. Ron John Silvers.
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119. Ron-athan Taylor Thomas.
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120. Linda Ronstadt.
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121. - If you have to do that,
I'd prefer Ronda Rousey.
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122. - I have a treat for you.
I need you to build this car.
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123. - But I was gonna go sledding
for cold season.
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124. You know I love winter.
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125. - The thrill of sledding,
that is fleeting,
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126. but the joy of obeying
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127. a direct order
from your superior,
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128. that lasts forever.
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129. You the man, Ronda.
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130. - But, I mean—
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131. - Okay, this is
prototype number three,
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132. test number two.
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133. My assistant Emily will attempt
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134. to melt the frost
off this car door handle.
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135. - [exhales, sighs]
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136. These cold mornings
are the worst.
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137. Unless...
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138. And now I can make it
to my grandparents'
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139. 50th anniversary.
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140. - I could do
without the backstory.
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141. - Sorry.
I'm taking an improv class.
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142. - Okay, so we've mastered
low temperatures.
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143. Now, let's heat things up.
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144. - Holy crap.
Teddy, these are a game-changer.
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145. The judges are gonna
see your gloves and say,
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146. Wayne Security is
just as relevant as Wayne X
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147. and the guys who made this is
most definitely not a nobody.
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148. - Of course I'm not a nobody,
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149. but you know judges,
they're unpredictable,
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150. and if they were dumb
and they didn't pick mine,
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151. I mean, I'm still obviously
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152. immensely talented and—
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153. oh, my God.
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154. There's still kernels
left in the bag.
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155. - So what?
There's always kernels
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156. left in the bag.
- Okay, the gloves aren't ready.
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157. There's not
an even distribution of heat
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158. and we haven't even checked
to see if you get a rash.
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159. - They are ready.
- They're not,
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160. and I can't submit a product
that's not ready.
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161. It's not fair to the gloves.
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162. - But two minutes ago,
you just—
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163. - There's kernels
in the bag, Emily.
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164. There's kernels in the bag!
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165. There's kernels
in the bag!
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166. - What's up, really hot loser?
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167. You guys get your submission in?
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168. - Oh, we've got something.
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169. It is just so ahead of its time
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170. we're gonna hold off
submitting it till next year.
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171. - Admit it.
You're a nobody,
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172. you work with nobodies,
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173. and the best you could hope for
is to marry one of us.
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174. - You know what, Zane?
You're gonna regret saying that
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175. because you just
convinced us to submit,
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176. and we're gonna win.
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177. It's classic Zane and Emily
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178. will they, won't they.
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179. - Why do you look smugger
than usual?
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180. Which is already
so incredibly smug.
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181. - Well, because this division
is going to win
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182. the Wayne Innovation Prize.
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183. I submitted Teddy's gloves.
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184. - Please tell me you didn't.
- Why not?
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185. - Let me tell you
a little story.
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186. Five years ago,
Teddy entered a competition
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187. to redesign
the Wayne Industries logo.
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188. - Why are you using
an ominous voice?
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189. - You'll see.
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190. He threw himself
into the competition,
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191. and convinced himself
that he was going to win,
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192. and then when he didn't,
he lashed out at everyone...
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193. And started
punishing himself.
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194. - Oh, come on.
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195. - He took to wearing
cargo shorts,
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196. switched to
an AOL email address,
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197. and used
all of his vacation days
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198. to go to Tampa.
- Tampa?
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199. That's not even the nicest part
of Central Florida.
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200. Anyways, it doesn't matter
because we're going to win.
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201. - You better hope so,
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202. otherwise you're
about to break Teddy.
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203. Tampa.
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204. - So, Teddy...
- Uh-huh?
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205. - I thought
your gloves were brilliant...
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206. and I entered them
into the contest.
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207. - I told you they weren't ready
and you went behind my back?
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208. - Teddy, I—
- Don't "Teddy" me.
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209. This is the ultimate betrayal.
This is worst than the time
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210. that Wendy bought
the same glasses as me.
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211. That was awful!
- Okay, hold on!
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212. How would you feel
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213. if I told you
you're in the finals?
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214. - I'm in the finals?
- You bet your sweet ass.
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215. Oh, my God.
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216. I mean, I didn't even know
there were finals.
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217. I mean, obviously
they're dope gloves.
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218. I just didn't know how dope.
Apparently the answer was
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219. the dopest.
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220. Emily, thank you
for making me realize
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221. I'm a winner.
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222. - Or a finalist.
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223. - Yes!
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224. - There are no finals.
You just made that up.
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225. - I didn't know what to do.
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226. I could see it in his eyes,
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227. he was already halfway to Tampa.
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228. It'll all be fine, right?
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229. - Mom, Dad, yeah.
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230. I got huge news.
No, not a girlfriend,
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231. but you're still
gonna be proud of me.
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232. - I have a feeling this
is all gonna end with a call
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233. from the Busch Gardens
Coroner's Office.
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234. It's gonna be cold.
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235. - Ron!
- Van?
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236. I thought you were on vacation
with your girlfriend
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237. and her son?
- We have a problem.
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238. Evidently, Dylan,
that's a girl's name,
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239. and she does not like
that car you built.
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240. - You're just trying
to have sex with my mom.
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241. - Yeah, we've established that.
Look, I have sent you
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242. a toy Wonder Woman jet.
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243. I need you to put that together
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244. and have it couriered to me.
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245. - Isn't her jet invisible?
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246. - Yes.
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247. Assembly is gonna be a bitch.
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248. - Ron, you have
to set boundaries,
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249. and not let people
take advantage of you.
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250. Do you think
I would have stopped
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251. having sex in Susan's car
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252. if she hadn't started
hiding her keys?
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253. - You still have sex
in Susan's car.
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254. - The point is he is not gonna
stop taking advantage of you
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255. unless you push back,
and if you don't push back now,
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256. one day,
you're going to explode.
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257. - I appreciate your concern,
but I'm a big boy
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258. and I know when I'm being
taken advantage of.
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259. - Fine.
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260. Hey, can I have your car keys?
- Oh, sure.
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261. - Huh.
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262. - Hey, loser.
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263. You wanna go out with me?
- No.
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264. Why would you think that?
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265. - Uh, because
I've been negging you hard.
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266. All of Reddit said
this would work.
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267. - What're you doing down here?
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268. - We won
the Wayne Innovation Prize,
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269. so we're here to gloat.
- That's right.
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270. - What?
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271. - She's not that hot.
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272. - She is.
- Yeah, she is.
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273. - Ron, where's Teddy?
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274. - Uh, he called in sick.
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275. - Oh, no.
He must be devastated.
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276. - Wait, no, no, no, no.
No!
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277. I just finished
putting it together.
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278. - Teddy.
Oh, thank God you're here.
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279. For a second I thought
you might have already
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280. caught a flight to Tampa.
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281. - I have been meaning
to check out Busch Gardens.
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282. What're you doing here?
- I know it must really hurt
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283. that you didn't win
the Wayne Innovation Contest,
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284. but I just want you to know—
- I didn't win?
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285. - You didn't know?
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286. - Teddy, who's this?
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287. - Oh...
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288. You have guests.
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289. - Hello.
I'm Teddy's father, Sunil.
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290. This is his mother, Nisha,
and his brother Ajay.
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291. - Are you here
for Ajay's going-away dinner?
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292. - She's not.
- Where's he going?
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293. - Outer space.
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294. - I thought you said
your brother was a doctor.
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295. - He's an astronaut
and a doctor.
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296. - The technical term
is space doctor.
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297. - What were you saying
about Teddy and that contest?
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298. - Did he win?
- Well, you know,
Copy !req
299. winning is really just
a social con—
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300. - I lost, and I'm so glad that
we're all here for this moment
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301. when I found out.
- Teddy, do you mind
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302. keeping it down?
I gotta take this.
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303. - This is my apartment,
all right?
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304. Your dumb friends can wait.
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305. - Mr. President.
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306. Yes, thank you.
Thank you, sir.
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307. - Hey.
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308. - Hey.
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309. - So I just wanna say
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310. I am really sorry.
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311. - Don't be.
It's totally fine.
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312. - It is?
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313. - Emily, I'm a grown man.
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314. All right?
It's just a stupid contest.
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315. I'll get 'em next year.
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316. - Oh.
Okay, cool.
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317. Well, in that case, we could
use your help on a redesign.
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318. - I would love
to take a look at it.
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319. - That is a great attitude,
Teddy.
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320. You seem fine
and I did nothing wrong.
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321. So, as you can see,
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322. the packaging
of this fear gas detector
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323. needs a little work.
- Mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
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324. Yep, yep, yep, yep.
Okay.
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325. I have a great idea.
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326. What if instead
of using molded plastic,
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327. we use...
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328. This hamburger wrapper.
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329. - Oh, like a very thin
recyclable material?
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330. - Nuh, nuh, nuh.
I mean this literal piece
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331. of ketchup-stained garbage
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332. because obviously
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333. Wayne Industries
doesn't appreciate quality
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334. or craftsmanship
or aesthetics whatsoever.
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335. So a garbage company
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336. gets a garbage wrapper.
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337. - I didn't wanna say this
in front of Teddy,
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338. but I don't think
the wrapper's a good idea.
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339. - That's right, Mr. Sled,
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340. you and I have a date
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341. with the big ol' hill
by City Hall.
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342. You said it, Ron.
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343. Nothing's gonna
ruin our fun today.
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344. I love you.
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345. Don't do it, Ron.
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346. - The sled's right.
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347. Nothing good can come
from answering that call.
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348. - Oh, you two are
just overreacting.
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349. He's probably just calling
to say thank you.
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350. - Ronda Sykes.
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351. Hey, thank you so much
for you hard work.
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352. - You're welcome, Van.
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353. - Ronda, I need you
to build four more
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354. of those girl jets
you can't see.
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355. Evidently Dylan has a "squad"
and they have "goals."
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356. One of which is
posting pictures to Instagram
Copy !req
357. with the hashtag
#BitchYouCantAffordThis.
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358. And then
they do this snap emoji.
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359. I'm really coming around
on these kids.
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360. - Yeah, but I was
just about to go sledding
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361. in this adorable outfit.
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362. - Well, you can wear
the adorable outfit
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363. while you put together
those planes.
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364. - No.
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365. - I'm getting bad reception.
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366. It sounded like you said "no."
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367. - I did say no
because that's not my job.
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368. - Ron, neither is
giving Dylan braids,
Copy !req
369. but this morning,
I did it.
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370. - You ruined it.
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371. - That is the perfect fishtail
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372. and you know it!
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373. Listen, Ron,
just build the planes.
Copy !req
374. Snap, snap, snap emojis.
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375. - No, you listen.
How 'bout no
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376. because I don't wanna do it?
In fact, I didn't wanna do
Copy !req
377. any of the stupid crap
you asked me to do.
Copy !req
378. Not for you,
not for Dylan,
Copy !req
379. and certainly not for her squad!
- You listen to me—
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380. It is possible I'm bothered
Copy !req
381. by people
taking advantage of me.
Copy !req
382. - No.
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383. - Establishment is dead!
Establishment is dead!
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384. No one understands me!
Establishment is dead!
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385. - How long is he going
to be like this?
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386. - Well, last time, he requested
no eye contact for eight months,
Copy !req
387. but it was
a good year and a half
Copy !req
388. before he stopped listening
to speed metal.
Copy !req
389. This is ridiculous.
Copy !req
390. - Establishment is dead!
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391. - Teddy, your gloves are great.
Copy !req
392. You should be really proud,
Copy !req
393. but you need to accept the fact
that they didn't win
Copy !req
394. and move on.
Copy !req
395. - No, my gloves were
a masterpiece.
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396. I should have won.
It was rigged.
Copy !req
397. - Establishment is dead!
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398. No one understands me!
Establishment is dead!
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399. - Establishment is dead!
Establishment is dead!
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400. No one understands me!
Establishment is dead!
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401. - I didn't wanna have
to do this,
Copy !req
402. but there's something
you need to see.
Copy !req
403. - Hello, Teddy.
Copy !req
404. This is the winner
Copy !req
405. of the Wayne Innovation Prize.
Copy !req
406. This guy won?
Copy !req
407. Okay, there's no way
somebody this good-looking
Copy !req
408. could invent something
better than these.
Copy !req
409. - No, he didn't invent something
better than those,
Copy !req
410. he is the invention.
Copy !req
411. - Are you checking out
our robot?
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412. - It's not that cool.
Copy !req
413. - Would you like me
to be cooler?
Copy !req
414. I hear The Strokes are playing
a secret show tonight
Copy !req
415. in Joaquin Phoenix's backyard.
Copy !req
416. - Oh, yeah, those mittens
are super dope too, bro.
Copy !req
417. - [scoffs, chortles]
Copy !req
418. - Teddy—
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419. Oh.
Copy !req
420. - See, this is why
I didn't want to submit,
Copy !req
421. but you went behind my back
and you did it anyway.
Copy !req
422. - I was doing it for you.
Copy !req
423. - No, you did it for you.
Copy !req
424. You didn't like
that you were in charge
Copy !req
425. of a division of nobodies.
Copy !req
426. - Well, maybe we wouldn't
be a division of nobodies
Copy !req
427. if we had less pouty babies
Copy !req
428. and more people
like your brother.
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429. Went too far.
Already regret it.
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430. - Get out of here.
Frostbite is—
Copy !req
431. - Wow, really puts things
in perspective.
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432. I can't even remember
what we were talking about.
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433. - Oh, you were saying that you
wished you'd hired my brother
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434. instead of me.
- Was that today?
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435. - Oh, crap, the handle's frozen.
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436. Teddy...
- What?
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437. - Your gloves.
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438. We can use them
to unfreeze the handle.
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439. Yes!
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440. - Or unfreeze Crimson Fox.
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441. - Yeah, here we go.
- Okay.
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442. Oh, my God, it's working.
- Of course it's working.
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443. I set it to Deep Fried Turkey.
- Oh.
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444. You know, you were right.
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445. I entered the contest for me.
I'm sorry, Teddy.
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446. I didn't bust my ass
my whole life
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447. to hear those Wayne X dicks
tell me I'm a nobody.
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448. - Try being reminded
you're a nobody
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449. every single time
you talk to your parents.
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450. - Oh, trust me.
I know how hard it is
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451. to live in a sibling's shadow.
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452. - Oh, yeah,
what does your sister do?
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453. - She's a dog walker.
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454. I just know it's
really hard for her sometimes.
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455. - You don't know what it's like.
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456. You're my space-doctor brother,
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457. which makes me
your dog-walking little sister.
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458. - And she's a great person
who's capable of great things.
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459. Just like you.
- Right.
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460. I'm gonna be here my whole life
while my brother's
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461. performing open-heart surgery
at zero gravity.
Copy !req
462. - Well, we'll both be here,
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463. and for what it's worth,
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464. I'm glad I'm here with you.
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465. - Oops.
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466. - Ooh, yeah.
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467. That was brutal.
- Sorry.
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468. Must have been very cold.
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469. - No, I meant listening
to that conversation.
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470. The gloves are cool though.
Can I have those?
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471. Yeah, I mean, you—
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472. you gonna use 'em to,
like, fight crime and stuff?
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473. - No, I'm gonna use them
to make popcorn.
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474. Of course I'm gonna use them
to fight crime, you dink.
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475. - Okay.
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476. - Van?
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477. I want to apologize
for my outburst.
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478. - You embarrassed me
in front of Dylan and her squad.
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479. - I'm sorry.
It's just that I learned that
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480. I can say no
and still be a nice person
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481. because I also need
to be nice to myself.
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482. - I'm sorry too.
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483. I'm used to bossing
servants around.
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484. They're who raised me.
My father was always working.
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485. He was too busy
to spend time with me
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486. or teach me how to build things.
- That's so sad.
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487. Except the cartoonish level
of opulence.
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488. - Yeah, that was pretty cool.
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489. The one thing I wanted
my entire childhood,
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490. it was a dream really,
was to build
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491. a tree house with my father.
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492. He promised,
but year after year,
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493. that dream was crushed.
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494. - Well, Van, we're gonna
build you that tree house.
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495. - Oh, no,
I cannot let you do that.
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496. - No, no, no, you just
pick the tree, and it's yours.
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497. I'm gonna get started
on the blueprints.
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498. I'm gonna make your dreams
come true.
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499. - Thank you, Ron!
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500. Whatever your last name is.
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501. Dylan.
Hey, I found somebody
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502. to build your stupid tree house.
Now you make good on our deal,
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503. and you let me and your mom have
a little bit of grown-up time.
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504. Yes, I'm talking about sex.
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505. - With her modern take
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506. on a classic apple pie.
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507. This just in:
cold season is over.
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508. Crimson Fox defeated
several cold villains
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509. using what appears to be
a pair of super-heated gloves.
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510. - Hey, it's Teddy's gloves.
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511. Looks like I brought Teddy back.
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512. - I am a genius!
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513. Teddy-Ted!
[high-pitch squeal]
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514. Teddy-Ted!
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515. - Yeah.
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516. He's gonna be real easy
to work with now.
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517. That's funny.
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