1. - And we go now live
to Crimson Fox
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2. for an announcement.
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3. Man, this is tough.
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4. Starting today,
I'll be leaving Charm City
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5. and taking my talents
to Metropolis.
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6. Adjacent.
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7. - I can't believe
she's just leaving us.
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8. I mean, she is our main hero.
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9. What if somebody
like the Joker attacks?
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10. - The Joker is an A-list
super villain.
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11. He wouldn't attack
a dump like Charm City.
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12. We begged
for a WNBA team, Emily.
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13. They said no.
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14. A WNBA team.
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15. - Now that Crimson Fox
is leaving,
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16. maybe we'll get a cool
new superhero.
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17. What if we got Aqualad?
- Aqualad?
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18. No, Aqualad's a sidekick,
not a hero.
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19. That's like hoping our city gets
protection from a cheese plate.
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20. - He's right.
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21. - It's cool that you guys
can laugh about this,
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22. but with Crimson Fox gone,
petty crime will skyrocket,
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23. and let's be real:
women are always the target.
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24. - Emily is right.
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25. The creeps are already
feeling emboldened.
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26. Weird Tony the hot dog guy
was extra weird this morning.
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27. - Wait a minute, you mean
Fun Tony the hot dog guy.
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28. - Yeah, what's wrong
with Fun Tony the hot dog guy?
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29. - Yeah?
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30. "Hey, sexy lady,
come sit on Tony's lap
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31. and touch Tony's hot dog."
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32. - Oh, he's definitely
talking about his penis.
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33. - Yeah, that's his penis.
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34. All right, look,
if you're worried about crime,
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35. I can walk you guys
to your car at night.
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36. I mean, I don't
look intimidating, but...
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37. - But what?
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38. - I was hoping
someone would disagree.
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39. - Who cares?
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40. It's going to be fine.
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41. You ladies need to grow a pair.
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42. All of you.
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43. Jackie, there's a bee
in my office!
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44. Aah, aah!
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45. Jackie!
It looks stingy!
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46. - Our fearless leader.
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47. - Hey, you know,
I was thinking about taking
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48. a self-defense class
now that Crimson Fox is gone.
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49. Want to do it with me?
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50. - Look, I don't have time
for some class.
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51. I'm either taking care
of a child—
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52. - Jackie!
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53. - Or I'm at home
with my kid.
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54. - I thought
you might say that,
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55. so I already found us a class
during lunch.
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56. I'll take care
of everything.
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57. All you need to do
is show up.
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58. There's a chance you'll get
to punch a stranger.
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59. - Jackie, hurry!
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60. - All right, I'm in.
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61. - Yah, yah!
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62. - Jackie!
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63. - The bee did not
lay eggs in your hair.
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64. I Googled it.
It's impossible.
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65. - No, something horrible
has happened.
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66. Round up the floor.
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67. A violation has occurred.
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68. At approximately 10:02
this morning,
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69. I walked
into my personal bathroom
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70. to discover evidence
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71. that it had been used
by another.
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72. Why is no one gasping?
Gasp.
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73. Thank you,
I feel the same way.
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74. Before today, the only cheeks
that had graced that throne
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75. belonged to me
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76. and, of course, my beloved
golden retriever, Boomer,
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77. whom I painstakingly taught
to go human-style
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78. before he promptly ran away.
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79. Now, I promise you that justice
will be swift and fair.
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80. You will be fired.
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81. So please step forward
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82. and take your punishment
with dignity.
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83. No one?
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84. No one?
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85. Dorothy...
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86. was it you?
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87. Looking a little depleted,
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88. a little "Turder, She Wrote,"
maybe, hmm?
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89. A little "Law & Order: IBS"?
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90. That is a guilty face.
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91. Okay, okay,
I will flush you out.
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92. And then you'll be fired.
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93. - Hey, have you seen Jackie?
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94. - Who's "Bitch I'ma"?
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95. - Oh, it makes more sense
when Jackie wears hers.
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96. "Bitch I'ma End You!"
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97. - We're taking
self-defense classes.
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98. If she ever gets here.
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99. - "I'ma Bitch"?
Hmm, inappropriate, Emily.
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100. Appreciate the honesty,
but still...
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101. inappropriate.
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102. - You think Jackie's
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103. gonna take self-defense classes
in matching shirts with you?
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104. - Well, it's sort of,
like, an inside joke.
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105. - I don't think Jackie
does inside jokes.
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106. - Well, that's because
you're not on the inside.
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107. Me and Jackie,
we've got our own thing.
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108. - And yet she's not here.
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109. - Well, she probably
just decided to meet me there.
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110. So I'm gonna go learn
to kick ass with Jackie.
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111. - Emily?
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112. - Hi.
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113. - Whoa, that class
is no joke.
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114. - Yeah, well,
Jackie didn't show,
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115. and on my way back,
I ran into an alleyway
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116. to avoid one
of Jack-O-Lantern's fireballs
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117. and tripped
and fell into the trash.
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118. - Oh, sexy lady
covered in garbage.
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119. Still sexy.
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120. - Not now, Tony.
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121. - Yeah, that is
disrespectful, Tony!
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122. Mm?
- I can't believe it.
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123. Jackie knew how much I was
looking forward to this class,
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124. and she just stands me up?
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125. - Well, maybe
she had an emergency,
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126. or maybe she's sitting in a car
over there reading a book.
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127. - What?
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128. - Self-defense class!
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129. Where the hell were you?
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130. - I was busy.
I figured you'd just go alone.
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131. Why do you smell like garbage?
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132. Actually, can we
talk about this later?
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133. - No, we're talking
about this right now.
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134. Friends don't
stand each other up.
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135. They send a text
with enough sad emojis
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136. to make you feel
how sorry they are.
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137. - Is this an UberPOOL?
'Cause I didn't select pool.
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138. - It is not a pool.
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139. I was just telling
this little homeless lady
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140. to get out of my car.
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141. I'm trying to make a little
extra cash on the side, okay?
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142. - Why didn't you
just tell me that?
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143. - So are we going or what?
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144. - You heard her.
Get out of my car, sporty hobo.
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145. Tiny water bottle?
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146. - Jackie, I'm not sure why you—
Ow!
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147. Ow, ow, ow, ow,
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148. ow, ow, ow, ow,
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149. ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
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150. - I'm gonna be direct, which is
something you love about me.
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151. - Oh, yeah.
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152. - My daughter Ruby's class
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153. is taking a trip
to Six Flags Metropolis.
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154. It's $500, and money's
a little tight right now.
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155. I really don't need any of these
human bedbugs knowing that,
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156. so as far as you're concerned,
I am not an Uber driver.
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157. - Yeah, but with
Crimson Fox gone,
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158. you could get mugged or get hit
by Jack-O-Lantern's fireball.
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159. It's just not safe for you
to be driving strangers around.
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160. - All right.
- Aah!
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161. - Who drives
strangers around?
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162. - No one,
not one person ever.
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163. Where'd you learn that?
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164. I have two brothers.
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165. - Oh, you have two brothers?
Older or younger?
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166. - Please stop bonding with me.
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167. - Listen, if you need—
- I don't want to talk about it,
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168. and I really don't want you
to "Emily" this.
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169. - Aww, people are using
my name as a verb?
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170. Aah!
I will not Emily this.
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171. So I don't want
to make this a big thing,
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172. but someone who I'm not
going to mention
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173. needs a little help.
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174. - Oh, are you trying
to Emily something?
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175. - Look, we're not gonna
give money to Jackie
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176. unless we know what it's for.
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177. - Well, she told me not to—
Damn it.
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178. - Oh.
- I knew it was Jackie.
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179. - Now, that was some
David Blaine.
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180. - Okay, this cannot be repeated.
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181. Her kid needs $500
for a school trip.
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182. I thought we could all pitch in
to help her out.
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183. - Jackie is never
gonna take our money.
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184. She is crazy private.
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185. - I have a pretty genius way
around that.
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186. - Oh, so you're gonna Teddy it.
- What's that?
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187. - Well, that's—
- That's when you try
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188. to turn your name into a verb
unsuccessfully.
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189. - Ooh, you just got Wendy-ed.
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190. - Everyone in my office
except I'ma Bitch.
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191. You can stay here.
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192. - That's not even
what the shirt said.
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193. - The Three Amigos,
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194. the Three Musketeers,
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195. the Dynamic Duo...
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196. and you.
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197. I bet you thought
you were in the clear,
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198. but you're the only three people
who were in the office
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199. when the crime was committed.
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200. I know.
I checked the logs.
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201. I just want to point out
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202. that we're talking
about a poop crime,
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203. and you said "logs."
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204. - That's fair.
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205. Who did this?
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206. - Van, this is silly.
It wasn't us.
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207. - Pedro, could you
come in here, please?
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208. - It's, uh, Peter, sir.
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209. - Pedro, when you entered
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210. into my personal bathroom
yesterday to clean it,
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211. what did you find?
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212. - Oh, there were
these small scissors
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213. and all these clumps
of short, curly hairs
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214. all around the base of the bowl.
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215. - Not that!
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216. I told you, not that.
Wh—
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217. The other thing.
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218. - This magazine, sir.
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219. - Thank you, Pedrito.
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220. - It's Peter.
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221. - Witness excused.
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222. Adios.
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223. Who does this belong to?
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224. Who was perusing
while they were number twos-ing?
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225. Come on, people,
I'm giving you an opportunity
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226. to snitch on a friend.
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227. I used to live for this
in boarding school.
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228. - None of us did it.
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229. - All right.
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230. You're sticking together, okay.
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231. No, well, let's see
how long that lasts
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232. once I move your workspaces...
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233. to Conference Room... B.
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234. Wait, what's Conference Room B?
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235. - Oh.
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236. Please, come in.
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237. Take in your surroundings,
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238. because this hellscape
is where you will be living
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239. until someone tells me
who did it.
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240. - Um, okay, so, uh,
what was so bad
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241. about this conference room,
again?
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242. - I think you may have noticed
the terrifying lighting.
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243. Oh, come on.
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244. - Yeah, that's it.
- That's it.
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245. - Well, let me tell you this.
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246. These chairs...
are the old ones,
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247. before the upgrade.
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248. They're unable to spin.
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249. - Actually, you need
to just reach back here,
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250. hit this little doohickey,
and...
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251. you could go wherever you want.
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252. - I got it.
- Hee!
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253. - Yeah, whee!
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254. - Whee!
- Whee!
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255. - All right,
"whee" all you want,
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256. but let me put
this little notion in your ear.
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257. No one crosses
Vanderveer Wayne
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258. and gets out clean
on the other side.
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259. It's about to get nasty.
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260. Whee!
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261. - Hi there, are you Mrs. Fry?
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262. - Yes, are—
are you a parent?
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263. Me, a parent?
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264. That's hilarious.
I'm super young.
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265. Look, uh, one of my good friends
has a daughter
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266. in your class, Ruby?
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267. - Mm-hmm.
- I just wanted to drop off
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268. this check, you know,
on the down-low
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269. for her class trip.
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270. - What class trip?
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271. - Uh, you're all going
to Six Flags Metropolis.
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272. - We're all going
to Six Flags Metropolis!
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273. Yay!
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274. - No! No, class, calm down.
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275. We are not going
to Six Flags Metropolis.
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276. Look, I don't know what kind
of sick joke you're playing.
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277. This is a public school.
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278. We don't go
to Six Flags Metropolis.
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279. We go to cemeteries
and read sad poems.
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280. Leave.
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281. - All right,
Help Jackie is over.
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282. Now we're doing Operation:
Mind Your Own Business
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283. and Just Act Cool.
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284. - Okay, so you want us
to un-Emily this?
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285. - Um, I don't think
acting cool
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286. is the opposite
of Emily-ing something.
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287. No.
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288. - Mm-mm.
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289. - So we're good
on dropping this?
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290. I was trying
to be a good friend,
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291. and I just went too far.
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292. Jackie is my friend,
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293. and if she needs my help,
she'll come to me.
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294. The important thing
is that no one mentions
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295. that I went
to her daughter's school.
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296. - That's the lady!
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297. She's the one who said
we were going to Six Flags.
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298. - Oh, my God, Jackie!
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299. Is this your daughter
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300. who I am definitely meeting
for the first time?
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301. - Um, Van, this is ridiculous.
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302. - Teddy, you're a dignified guy.
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303. You wouldn't crap up
another man's toilet.
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304. But Ron?
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305. How much do we
really know about... Ron?
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306. - Lives with his grandma,
favorite food is pickles,
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307. birthday wish is always
for "Jurassic Park" to be real.
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308. - Enough!
No one has to know.
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309. Tell me it was Ron.
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310. Pick it—pick it up!
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311. That's the—I—
That's why I slid it.
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312. - $1,000 to
Furniture Within Grasp?
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313. - Mm.
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314. - This could buy a whole
folding chair or an ottoman.
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315. - And all of that
can be yours
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316. if you just
set the truth free.
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317. The truth is a little bird.
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318. It's cooped up in a cage.
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319. It's either open that door,
set it free,
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320. let it fly out
on the wings of...
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321. feathers—
I don't—
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322. It's a bird, so it—
I don't know.
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323. Just—look,
it's 1,000 bucks.
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324. Grasp the furniture.
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325. Teddy ratted you out.
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326. - What?
He did?
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327. - Yup, he sold you out faster
than a Mumford & Sons concert
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328. in the whitest part
of Portland.
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329. - You could just say
"Portland."
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330. - He says it's you.
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331. Unless, of course, he's lying
to cover his own ass.
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332. Or maybe it's no one's
friend, Wendy.
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333. Wendy.
Wendy, Wendy, Wendy.
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334. Tell me, Wendy,
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335. why does Wendy
always pretend-y?
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336. - Are we flirting?
- What?
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337. - Finally.
- No.
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338. - Hello.
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339. Hmm?
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340. - Keep it on.
Keep it on. Keep it on.
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341. - Missed you at coffee.
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342. I got you one anyways.
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343. Okay, obviously,
you're still needing space.
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344. You know, I just want to say
I've forgiven you
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345. for lying to me about needing
the money for Six Flags...
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346. - Seriously?
- And I want you to know that
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347. I don't expect you to tell me
why you need the money,
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348. but I am available
to you as a friend.
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349. And that's the last thing
I will say.
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350. Okay, the last thing I'll say
is, I think it would be a shame
Copy !req
351. if a misunderstanding
that was born out of love
Copy !req
352. had a negative effect
on a blossoming friendship
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353. that could be great
for the both of us.
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354. - There is nothing
blossoming here.
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355. We work together.
That's it.
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356. I don't want you
butting into my life.
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357. Leave me alone.
- Jackie, wait—
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358. - I don't need your help.
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359. - Citizens of Charm City,
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360. where is your beloved
Crimson Fox now?
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361. Buckle up!
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362. - You just got a little bump
on the head.
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363. You're all set to leave.
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364. We called
your emergency contact.
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365. - My emergency contact?
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366. Who did I put down for my—
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367. Oh, no.
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368. - Jackie!
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369. I am so flattered and also
so glad you're okay.
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370. - Calm down;
I had to put somebody down,
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371. and you're kind of sort of
reliable and capable
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372. in a middle school
hall monitor kind of way.
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373. - Oh, locker break-ins
dropped 24% on my watch.
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374. - I have no doubt they did.
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375. - Look, I know
I overstepped my bounds—
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376. - Yeah, you did.
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377. But maybe I have too many
bounds to step over.
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378. So do you want to know
what that money's for?
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379. - I mean—
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380. - Night classes.
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381. I don't want to spend the rest
of my life helping Van
Copy !req
382. with his poop witch-hunts,
so I'm trying to get my MBA.
Copy !req
383. I didn't want
to tell you because—
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384. - Oh, my God, Jackie,
that is so amazing.
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385. - Because of that.
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386. I don't like
that kind of attention.
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387. - The attention of people
who love and care for you?
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388. - I'm not saying it's healthy.
Copy !req
389. If I'm being honest,
it would probably be good for me
Copy !req
390. to be friends
with someone like you.
Copy !req
391. But if you could just turn
the volume down a little?
Copy !req
392. You want people to lean in,
not lean out.
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393. - See, I like having a friend
who can tell me that.
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394. - And I like having a friend
who would probably notice
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395. if I was dead in my apartment.
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396. - Well, what about your kid?
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397. - She has an iPad.
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398. - Oh.
Copy !req
399. Could we maybe, like, hug?
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400. - Make it quick.
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401. - Oh, really quick.
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402. ♪ Called me as her emergency
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403. - Turn it off.
- Contact.
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404. - Drive me home.
- Anytime.
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405. - How much
for the Eames lounger?
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406. Okay, and can I get that
with a cup holder?
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407. - Traitor and tacky.
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408. - Hey, what's happening?
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409. - Oh, I'll tell you
what's happening.
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410. Wendy's weak, and she
sold one of us out
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411. for a fricking gift card.
Copy !req
412. - I did not sell anybody out.
Copy !req
413. I bet you're the one
who used Van's toilet
Copy !req
414. and you're trying
to throw people off the scent
Copy !req
415. by blaming me.
Copy !req
416. - You know I can't
use a work bathroom.
Copy !req
417. That's why I have to drive home
at lunch every day.
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418. - And you know that I can't
go to the bathroom
Copy !req
419. unless there are
people around
Copy !req
420. to give me a sense
of comfort and security.
Copy !req
421. You've been there!
- I do know that.
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422. That's a very strange thing.
- Well, does that—
Copy !req
423. - Enough!
Copy !req
424. We're all friends here,
Copy !req
425. and Van is tearing us apart.
Copy !req
426. And I'm putting an end to it.
Copy !req
427. - Van?
Copy !req
428. I pooped in your toilet.
Copy !req
429. - Finally, the truth comes out.
Copy !req
430. Ron, your punishment will be
of biblical proportions.
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431. - Van, I pooped
in your toilet.
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432. - No, I pooped
in your toilet.
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433. - All three of you
defecated in my toilet?
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434. Simultaneously?
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435. You are some dirty birdies.
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436. - No, this is a gesture.
We're sticking together.
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437. If you want to punish
one of us,
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438. you're gonna have
to punish us all.
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439. Haven't you ever seen
"Spartacus"?
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440. - Thank you for ruining
"Spartacus" for me.
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441. Ah, they found
the security footage
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442. of who crapped up my toilet.
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443. Now we'll know for sure.
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444. Jackie, there's a bee!
It looks stingy!
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445. Okay, ignore that.
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446. Jackie!
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447. I'm meditating.
Jackie, is it on me?
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448. It was above the desk!
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449. It's in the room!
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450. Do you see it?
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451. - Huh.
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452. - Did you get it?
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453. - It's dead.
- Oh.
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454. - So no one pooped
in your toilet.
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455. - Thank you.
- Jackie just used that magazine
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456. to kill a bee
and left it there.
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457. - That's right.
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458. I knew this all along.
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459. This was me teaching you
a very convoluted lesson...
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460. about friendship.
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461. - Hmm.
- Thank you.
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462. - Look at us.
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463. - I'm only wearing this
because I got
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464. the instructor's blood
on the other one.
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465. - Ooh, sexy ladies
wearing matching shirts.
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466. Hey, how about
a matching foot-long?
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467. What the—
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468. Ow, ow!
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469. - This stops now.
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470. - Yeah, Tony, you got that?
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471. - I got it.
Let go, please. It hurts.
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472. - You know this is
our last Tony dog, right?
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473. - Yeah, I know.
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474. It's so hard to divorce
the artist from his work.
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475. - Mm-hmm.
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476. Mmm.
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477. - But it's so good.
- It's so good!
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478. - My name is Peter.
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479. - Ha. That's funny.
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