Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares 4x5

1. - This week,

2. I'm back in Inverness to see what's become of La Riviera.

3. Oh, this is nice and new.

4. Two years ago, I told Head Chef Loic to simplify his menu

5. and he'd get a Michelin Star.

6. So has he changed his ways?

7. - Sever!

8. - Fucking porridge oats with fois gras?

9. I don't think so.

10. What an insult to porridge.

11. Now it's a straight hybrid of Franco Scottish cooking.

12. New dishes on the menu?

13. Marinated calamari, potato foam, salted peanut ice cream

14. and I'd love to see a giblet club sandwich—

15. - Club sandwich, yeah!

16. Scotland, home of the brave.

17. Home too, of haggis, neaps and tatties

18. and a the deep fried Mars bar.

19. But in Inverness, there's a restaurant on a mission

20. to bring sophisticated French cooking

21. to my fellow countrymen.

22. - Okay, you send me two plates

23. out there right now please. - Yes.

24. - It's the vision of French head chef Loic Lefebvre

25. who's trained in some of the best kitchens in France.

26. - I went to work for the President in France, Mr. Chirac.

27. When we had like, Mr. Bush is coming

28. or the Japanese President is coming,

29. we used to do like, big function.

30. Service, one sea bass, one beef, table fourteen, go.

31. Then I moved to work with the Pourcel brothers in Montpelier

32. and they are three Michelin stars.

33. Service please!

34. - I can't wait to meet a young chef

35. with such an impressive pedigree.

36. Hello Loic. - Nice to meet you.

37. - Enchante.

38. - Enchante.

39. - And this is the team? - Yeah.

40. - To help realise his dream,

41. Loic's hand picked an impeccably trained brigade.

42. Sous chef Geoffrey has worked in restaurants

43. with both one and two Michelin stars.

44. Did you work with Loic in France?

45. - No. - No?

46. - I came basically to here

47. because it's a very good opportunity to work

48. with somebody with 3 Michelin stars.

49. - Regis

50. also has a Michelin star studded background.

51. - How long have you been cooking?

52. - Eight years in France and in different countries you know?

53. - And so does the junior of the team, Nicolas.

54. And Nicolas, whereabouts in France are you from?

55. - Brittany. - Brittany?

56. - Nantes.

57. - Got a good football team there, aye?

58. But now you support Celtic or Rangers?

59. - FC Nantes.

60. - FC Nantes?

61. Hey you're in Inverness for God's sake

62. you've got to support a proper team.

63. And Gerard's not letting the side down either.

64. His previous jobs were at Michelin Star level as well.

65. - Gerard, do you have a Scottish girlfriend?

66. - Yes, my French accent is a good point.

67. - Fourteen hundred miles from the French Riviera,

68. Loic has created a mini French stronghold in Inverness.

69. And no one Scottish in the kitchen?

70. - No, no Scottish. - No Scottish?

71. - There was some, but not any more.

72. - Did you sack them?

73. - No, no, no, no.

74. The first time when I came in the kitchen,

75. I switched off the microwave, put it in the car park

76. and then after that I was by myself.

77. - They got the message?

78. - Yeah because they were using microwave all the time.

79. - Oh God.

80. - Powder for stock— - Oh dear.

81. - And deep frying everything even fondant potatoes!

82. So I had to get a new team, which is good.

83. - Loic's determined that his dream team

84. is gonna get him his very own Michelin star.

85. - Bit like Roman Abramovich

86. when he wanted to get the premiership title,

87. he went round and got the best manager,

88. the best football players and then

89. brought them all over to Chelsea.

90. - Yeah. - Fantastic.

91. - Layout done.

92. I think if you can get a Michelin star,

93. (plates clattering) that should be great for us.

94. We are looking to achieve like, one Michelin star

95. to start with, why not two and you know?

96. This is new.

97. - Even the fridge is top of the league.

98. Wow. - It's a big,

99. walk in fridge.

100. - Fucking hell, look at the size of it!

101. It's like a one bedroom flat. - Yeah.

102. - And the produce is the very best.

103. Flying vegetables in from France is over the top,

104. even for me, but the local shellfish is really top notch.

105. They are amazing.

106. - They are fresh from Skye.

107. - When they come down to London

108. they're definitely not that fresh I can assure you.

109. That is incredible.

110. Fuck me, they've got the best of everything here,

111. I mean really the best of everything.

112. Someone must be paying a small fucking fortune

113. to run this place.

114. And that someone, is multi-millionaire Barry Larson,

115. hot from his six hundred acre private shooting estate.

116. He made his fortune from the catering business

117. but it wasn't exactly fine dining.

118. - Morning Julie, how are you?

119. - This is the man who brought

120. Kentucky Fried Chicken, Wimpy and Harry Ramsden's

121. to Scotland and now he's invested nearly two million pounds

122. trying to prove he can make fine dining

123. finger licking good.

124. It sounds amazing,

125. the sort of dream team that you've put together.

126. - Yeah.

127. - I'm slightly concerned about the expense involved in that

128. because dream teams don't come cheap.

129. - No, they don't.

130. - And you haven't got any grey hair.

131. - I've got some.

132. - Well you're hiding it very well.

133. Unless you dye the fucking thing.

134. - No, no, I don't dye it, not yet.

135. But no, it's expensive you know what the score is.

136. - Yeah, big time.

137. Have you owned hotels, or restaurants before?

138. - No, no I haven't owned hotels before.

139. We've had various restaurants,

140. fast food chains that we've built up, sold out.

141. - Really?

142. - Family restaurants that we still run,

143. but obviously at different, completely different level.

144. - Running a fast food restaurant is miles away

145. from anything to do with fine dining.

146. - Yeah but you know,

147. you still want to produce quality for the, for the spend.

148. - It sounds fantastic,

149. but this place is costing Barry

150. over eight thousand pounds a week on food

151. and staff costs alone.

152. And they seem to have forgotten

153. the three most important things in the restaurant business,

154. customers, customers, customers.

155. Four days a week, the restaurant's dead.

156. - (speaking foreign language)

157. And one cheese sandwich.

158. - And every night it's empty

159. it's another big dent in Barry's investment and Loic's ego.

160. - Sometimes we get zero.

161. - Really? - Yeah.

162. - Must be hard that, when it's zero, no?

163. - Yeah.

164. - Especially with all this team here.

165. - It's a nightmare for us.

166. - Does it hurt?

167. - Yeah a bit, yeah.

168. - You've got a team but you want to play,

169. you're ready to go. - Oh yeah, yeah.

170. - That's difficult.

171. - We are like dogs you know,

172. ready to go shooting, (growling) we are ready.

173. - Loic's hungry for success

174. but the locals aren't biting.

175. Can you do me a favour?

176. Can you read that out for me?

177. - Oh gosh I can't say that.

178. Boulanger of Jerusalem artichoke.

179. - Do you know what that is?

180. One glance at his menu and I think I've spotted the problem

181. before I've even tasted the food.

182. - Not sure.

183. - Declanaise Asian of Salmon.

184. - Baragoolies of Salmon. - That sounds good.

185. - How's your goolies?

186. - Yeah. - Baragoolies.

187. - That doesn't sound very appetising.

188. - I think I'd probably order that one.

189. - What do you think that means?

190. This food may appeal to the connoisseurs

191. in the South of France— - Haven't got the foggiest!

192. - But this is Scotland's smallest city.

193. - Right yeah. - Yeah.

194. - Yeah.

195. - Would you eat that?

196. - Would I eat it? - Aye.

197. - You can't even read it so you don't know what it is.

198. - Thanks very much. - Thank you, nice to meet you.

199. Barry and Loic want Michelin level success.

200. But I'm afraid they've lost sight of the basics.

201. You are an impatient bastard.

202. - Yeah. (laughing)

203. - (stuttering) You want it

204. and you want to get your shopping trolley

205. and go along and get that and get that

206. and I can see it in your eyes.

207. You've had a lot of success beforehand,

208. bringing all these things in together.

209. - Yeah.

210. - It's not the perfect recipe for an instant hit.

211. - Right. - I'm just worried

212. that you don't fall into the same fucking trap that I did

213. and I lost a lot of money.

214. It was a proud day for me when I opened Amaryllis

215. in my home town of Glasgow.

216. We got off to a great start

217. and within our first year we'd won a Michelin star.

218. But as our menu became more elaborate

219. the diners started to dwindle.

220. The food was so fancy, it put off the locals.

221. They stopped coming

222. and I was forced to close Amaryllis down.

223. It's a bit of a deja-vu for me

224. and I'm concerned that you may be running—

225. - Right.

226. - Too quickly too soon, you know, you're in danger.

227. - Going too far?

228. - That happened to me

229. after twelve years at the top.

230. There's no doubting Loic's talent,

231. it's his lack of experience that worries me.

232. - One scallop, table three.

233. - It's his first ever head chefs job.

234. There's always a big, big trap they fall in

235. where they try to do too much too soon

236. and almost try to be sort of competitive

237. and thinking that what they saw in their previous kitchen,

238. which was in a three Michelin star,

239. I've got to be better than that

240. and that's where a lot of young chefs fail.

241. - Could you check table ten for me please?

242. You put the lemon and everything, yeah?

243. - It's my second day La Riviera.

244. A top restaurant with no customers.

245. So if the locals aren't eating here,

246. where are they eating?

247. Busy for lunch.

248. Fuck me, $5.95 for two courses, starter and main.

249. Inverness is a fast growing city

250. and the restaurant market is clearly thriving.

251. $7.95 is fucking cheap isn't it?

252. Now, the early supper menu, two courses $9.95.

253. I've asked Loic to serve me dinner from his a La Carte menu

254. which costs thirty four pounds for two courses.

255. With that team in there and the produce in the fridge,

256. it's to die for, so it should be a great dinner.

257. I'm looking forward to this one.

258. - One scallop to follow one duck, the breast pink.

259. (meat sizzling) - Yes, chef.

260. - All right, let's go.

261. - This is your canapés,

262. you have an olive medallion and a cheese beignets.

263. - Canapes and a pre starter?

264. This is ambitious food for London, let alone Inverness.

265. Potato soup, with wasabi.

266. Very creamy, very, very rich.

267. I'm excited about the food

268. but I don't feel comfortable sat here.

269. - You are like a painter, you need a good eye,

270. you know like, the painter would put something

271. like black here and not here

272. because for him, it doesn't look right.

273. Okay let's go, one scallops, table nine.

274. (silverware clinking) - Very complicated,

275. a lot of combinations of flavours going on.

276. For me, the golden rule is always keep it simple.

277. You're tasting the broad bean

278. and white asparagus and the citrus vinaigrette.

279. The confit tomatoes, fennel seeds, fennel flowers,

280. chervil, salad, Parmesan, there must be twenty things

281. going on on this plate.

282. And then you know, that looks fantastic, but,

283. it doesn't do anything really.

284. Next up, duck en deux service.

285. - This is a duck leg,

286. I decided to make it ravioli on the plate, table nine.

287. - A good ten to twelve flavours on the plate, again.

288. it's just confusion and your mind

289. is sort of working overtime

290. to try and understand what's happening.

291. - Okay service please.

292. - A main course served in two parts?

293. That's just pretentious.

294. Almost like someone is uncontrollable

295. and almost like a little bit carried away

296. and over excited and nothing's saying to stop come back.

297. Oh la, la is that all for me?

298. - Yes—

299. - Loic seems desperate to impress.

300. Next he'll be telling me how to eat it.

301. - If I may, to recommend you the order?

302. You have the tiramisu first please,

303. then the floating island— - Yup.

304. - And you have the soufflé then the sorbet.

305. And finally the coffee torte with marmalade.

306. - What a load of bollocks.

307. Next I'll be told which direction to pee in

308. because of the fucking salmon in the river.

309. Technically, flavours were amazing.

310. The scallops were delicious.

311. The light vinaigrette didn't need the Parmesan,

312. didn't need the flowers

313. and do you need that many flavours to make it work?

314. - I won't change anything on the flavours.

315. I think the way we work,

316. the product, bring the guests, the flavours that I want.

317. - Your personality has to be comfortable on the plate

318. and I see a lot of uneasiness on the plate.

319. I don't know if you're confident enough in what you're doing

320. and I've got to be very honest

321. because this is very crucial but this, this has to work.

322. Barry, what do you think?

323. - When you think about it, he's probably right

324. that he has to just find his own style.

325. - Barry's acting

326. more like a besotted sugar daddy than Loic's boss.

327. - You take on somebody like that

328. and you're taking them on

329. because of their capabilities and their ambition

330. and you know, the last thing I want to try and do

331. is restrain that ambition and what he's doing.

332. I'm not, you know, I'm not the chef

333. and I couldn't do what he does.

334. I'm not really in a position to criticise.

335. - One sea bass, one bream.

336. - But I am.

337. This place isn't even breaking even

338. and yet Barry's forking out four and a half grand a week

339. just on staff. - Allez, service!

340. - It's no way to run a successful business.

341. Barry's in love with you?

342. - No I do not think—

343. - No, no he's in love with your food?

344. - Yeah I think he like it, yeah.

345. - He's never gonna be your critic

346. and what I've got to understand is,

347. where is your critic coming from?

348. Who is telling you to stop, that's it, send it?

349. - When I think it's alright, I don't touch it anymore.

350. - No wonder his food's over the top.

351. Now I want to see how he runs his kitchen.

352. Scalpel.

353. - Salad, salad!

354. - Tweezers.

355. Forceps.

356. As every plate journeyed around the kitchen,

357. each of his seven chefs adds another flourish.

358. And all this unnecessary fussing is wasting time and money.

359. - Hurry up now.

360. Here, all done.

361. - There's so many hands going on 'round the kitchen,

362. the plate, is that normal for it to go round?

363. Can they not finish anything?

364. - They need my sauce, it's the same for the lobster,

365. they need my sauce.

366. Okay, can you put the plate

367. under the grill and I sauce okay?

368. - Service please, service!

369. - Oh what is missing?

370. No, no it's okay, it's okay, sorry.

371. - Oh fucking hell it feels like we're doing 250

372. and all we've cooked in the last two and half hours is ten.

373. - Service please.

374. - I felt that I wanted to just say stop,

375. what you've got in the beginning was just enough for me.

376. - You prefer something more simple?

377. - Simple because the ingredients you've got are phenomenal.

378. He needs to let his food speak for itself.

379. His approach feels outdated and pretentious.

380. Is it easier if we maybe cook a dish

381. and I cook the scallops and look at the difference

382. and go through it together that way?

383. Right, now what should we do?

384. Scallops?

385. - Now, now?

386. - Whatever.

387. - I've got a few things to do first.

388. - Okay.

389. - For the guests tonight, then I'll be with you.

390. - Okay.

391. If the restaurant was full,

392. I could understand his arrogance.

393. But it's haemorrhaging cash and no one seems to care.

394. It's almost like the barricades are up

395. and you know, nothing's going to get through

396. because all I want to do is do a dish together

397. and took at the different stages we're taking out

398. to make it more appealing,

399. but it doesn't seem to sort of sink in.

400. I don't want to be part of the team, just let me in.

401. Being a hard ass is you know, nice

402. but when you're in this situation with over complex food

403. and no direction, I'd fucking grab that kind of insight

404. if I was in his shoes.

405. - The owner trusts me completely, I can do what I want,

406. whatever I want, so that was the deal between us.

407. Carte blanche on whatever I do.

408. - Loic's behaving like a spoiled brat.

409. So as a last resort, I'll try his brigade.

410. Is there something you can you know,

411. work closely with Loic, yeah?

412. - Of course, of course. - Yeah?

413. You cannot make the food too complex.

414. You can help us as well, I'm sure.

415. - I want to help, definitely.

416. Let me fucking in, yes?

417. First, I've got to tackle the language barrier.

418. - I have to get you speaking fluent Scottish,

419. dirty wee bastard.

420. - Dirty wee bastard. - No, too foreign.

421. - Dirty wee bastard.

422. - It's getting there, dirty wee bastard.

423. - Sorry? - He's fluent in Scottish now.

424. - Oh right.

425. - It's for when someone upsets him in the high street.

426. - Dirty wee bastard, oh piss off.

427. - Oh piss off.

428. Peace off, no, piss off.

429. - Piss off out of my way.

430. - Oh fucking hell. - Oh fucking hell, eh?

431. (laughing) Fucking hell, yeah?

432. - It's already my third day

433. but nothing's sinking in.

434. Surely Loic can't ignore the evidence

435. if it's staring him in the face.

436. This isn't a meal for six,

437. all this is dinner for one at La Riviera.

438. Looks like a fucking feast for a king, Henry the eighth.

439. It's quite interesting when you start from one end

440. and go all the way right to the very end,

441. it helps you to identify

442. where you can just draw back a little bit

443. and look at the whole balance of exactly what you're doing.

444. - People have to understand they are here to enjoy it.

445. So, they have to spend a bit more time on the table,

446. like just say, okay we've got two hour and a half—

447. - Yeah.

448. - To enjoy it.

449. - I couldn't eat all that.

450. I'd have to stop halfway I think, I'd stop halfway, yes?

451. - I don't know,

452. if I was not able to eat all this, I wouldn't do it.

453. - What Loic can't get

454. into his stubborn French brain

455. is that refusing to trust his ingredients

456. isn't just putting off his customers,

457. it's also a turn off for Michelin inspectors.

458. Maybe I can convince Barry, it is his money after all.

459. Recommend me a whiskey.

460. I'll try to explain in terms

461. that any hot blooded Scotsman will understand.

462. And one for Barry, please. - Yes of course.

463. - Because obviously Barry's paying so—

464. Could I have a touch of ice in there please?

465. Yeah, thank you.

466. Could I have a touch of soda in there please?

467. - No because you're going to spoil

468. the complicated, the drinks.

469. - Are you suggesting or telling me?

470. - I'm doing both.

471. No way soda on the malt whiskies, there's no way, no!

472. - Let me just say something.

473. You're absolutely right,

474. you don't fuck with things that are good

475. and the first thing I said to Loic about the food.

476. When you've got quality ingredients,

477. let them speak for themselves.

478. And when you've got something as good as that,

479. you know, it speaks volumes, doesn't need anything else.

480. No fucking parsley, no chervil, no bay leaf,

481. no fucking fruit garden, nothing, just bam, get it out.

482. Do you understand? - Yeah I do.

483. - Barry seems to be getting it

484. and I've got an idea that just might convince his chef.

485. The St Jacques dish, I want you to cook that

486. and I will cook a St Jacques dish alongside you.

487. - There's a lot of ways to do it, I mean like—

488. - Yeah, no, no, of course,

489. it's just that I'm 38, I'm ten years older than you

490. and so it's not because I'm fucking ten times better

491. you know, I just want to make you understand how I think.

492. - Yeah, okay. - Thank you mon amie.

493. What Loic doesn't know is,

494. that I've invited ex-AA Inspector,

495. David Young, to judge the dishes for himself.

496. And what he won't know, is whose is whose.

497. My St Jacques dish has just four simple ingredients.

498. As well as the scallops,

499. it has a cauliflower puree and a caper and raisin dressing.

500. - How long for you? - 30 seconds.

501. Loic's dish has at least 14 different flavours.

502. - So you've got the new season asparagus,

503. white asparagus, with the roasted scallops.

504. You've got fennel, artichoke and anise jus

505. and I mix it with the fennel milk, okay?

506. You've got the Parmesan crisps and you've got the brume.

507. - Thank you darling.

508. It's time to let Loic into my little secret.

509. I've arranged for the inspector, the AA guy,

510. to come and taste our food.

511. Thank you, go darling please.

512. - So you're going to make it like a competition?

513. - Go darling (speaking foreign language).

514. Food inspectors are feared and revered

515. by chefs all over the country.

516. If they judge your food worthy

517. of Michelin stars or AA rosettes,

518. the reward is a place on the gastronomic map.

519. And ideally, customers beating a path to your door.

520. Will he prefer Loic's elaborate plateful

521. or my simpler rendition?

522. - This particular one has much more of a visual impact.

523. I get the feeling that the dish is going to taste

524. of exactly what was described to me.

525. Whereas this one looks looks a little bit over-garnished.

526. Yeah there's a bit of a muddle

527. of different types of flavours.

528. - Inspectors like David,

529. can make or break a restaurant's reputation.

530. Introduce you to Loic.

531. - Hi. - Nice to meet you.

532. - If Loic is gonna gain a coveted Michelin star,

533. his food really needs to be worthy of four rosettes.

534. How difficult is it David, to get four AA rosettes?

535. - Well it's very difficult

536. because to put it into context, as at this moment

537. there are only two AA four rosette restaurants in Scotland.

538. - In the whole of Scotland? - In the whole of Scotland.

539. - Is it a four star dish, what you've eaten?

540. - This one, Gordon? - Yes.

541. - No, no, this particular dish would be somewhere between

542. two and three rosettes.

543. Whereas this dish would be probably four rosettes.

544. The combination of the cauliflower and caper puree

545. just absolutely lifted the dish into a different dimension.

546. Whereas this one, some of the flavours were over complicated

547. to be frank about it.

548. And it may be just a case of sometimes,

549. less is actually more.

550. - Loic has taken the news badly.

551. He thinks I've stitched him up.

552. Anglo French relations have hit an all time low.

553. But time is running out at La Riviera.

554. It's got to work, hasn't it?

555. It's your first head chefs job?

556. You can't afford to fuck that.

557. Will I ever make princes out of this colony of frogs?

558. Smile, fucking hell,

559. it doesn't cost anything in Scotland.

560. I'm getting towards the end of my week at La Riviera.

561. And I don't know if Loic is still speaking to me.

562. Last night he reacted badly,

563. when an AA Inspector confirmed that his food was over fussy.

564. What's the first thing you thought about this morning

565. after yesterday with the inspector?

566. What was one message you, you learned from it?

567. - Now, I have your advice,

568. I have his advice as well, so one,

569. you can say maybe is wrong.

570. Two, it's tough to think that maybe I am wrong, so—

571. - It's a difficult thing to accept.

572. The French frank has finally dropped.

573. It's been hard for Loic,

574. but he's already changing his game plan.

575. He's come up with a new,

576. much simpler idea for the scallop dish.

577. It looks fucking brilliant.

578. And what I can identify now, I know there's apple,

579. 'cause you kept the green on there.

580. I know there's Roquette, I know there's pumpkin seed

581. and it makes me feel comfortable

582. because I know what I'm about to eat.

583. - Yeah.

584. - I can identify what you're doing.

585. That, that's delicious.

586. Everything that goes on the plate

587. has to have a reason, not for this,

588. but for here, yeah for the palate.

589. And what you've just done there Loic,

590. is given your food clear insight.

591. - Okay, I understand.

592. - It's not three, four, five rosettes for me that,

593. I'd be happy eating that anywhere, you know that.

594. Where's that fucking inspector?

595. Fucking hell, hallelujah, I've just taken fucking France.

596. Now Loic has finally swallowed his pride,

597. we can begin to move forward.

598. With his team behind him,

599. maybe he has a chance of achieving his ultimate goal.

600. You told me that you wanted a Michelin star

601. and at first I didn't think that was possible,

602. you know that, because of how things got so complicated.

603. But with this here, there's no two ways about it,

604. it's definitely worth a star.

605. I respect Loic for taking it on board

606. because it's a fucking hard lesson, a very hard lesson

607. but you know, it's got to work, hasn't it?

608. It's your first head chef job. - Yeah.

609. - You can't afford to fuck that.

610. It's crucial, you've got the right training.

611. Now you've got the perfect position to do it.

612. But winning over the kitchen is only half the battle.

613. Carolyn is the maitre d' and she's also Loic's girlfriend.

614. She's responsible for writing the elaborate menus

615. and I've already discovered

616. that locals haven't got a clue what they mean.

617. It's time to turn the tables.

618. Read that for me.

619. - Currant Skink peppered with mustard tatties, nice.

620. Dirty wee bastard.

621. - To prove a point,

622. I've given them a menu of classic Scottish dishes.

623. What do you think it is, something sexy?

624. Something spicy, tatties?

625. - Tatties?

626. - Loic, what do you think that one is there?

627. This one here.

628. - Bridies Forfar and winter Aberdeen salad of grilles.

629. No idea, at all.

630. - What's a Queen Mary Tart? - A Queen Mary Tart.

631. - Queen Mary Tart yeah?

632. - And?

633. - Whipped— - And a crumble crunch!

634. - Do you have any idea what I'm trying to say?

635. - It's impossible to choose anything you don't understand.

636. - Exactly, that's exactly it.

637. - It's difficult for me to make a choice

638. when you have this one because it's—

639. - Yes, that's—

640. It's difficult for fucking Scotland to understand you guys,

641. that's what I am trying to say.

642. - Yeah, it's the same.

643. - It's less intimidating if you have an assortment of salmon

644. you know, a selection of mandarin,

645. do you understand what I'm trying to say?

646. At last, I'm getting somewhere.

647. Just look at what you're taking to the table.

648. And fucking hell, you know, it's like you're a librarian.

649. You should see what it's like when the tables are set

650. and six of them are looking in here.

651. You've lost everybody. - Yeah.

652. - There's no dinner anymore,

653. because everyone's behind a brick wall.

654. You can simplify the whole thing.

655. Just one, beautiful, open card, starters, mains,

656. so everything going down there it's simplified it.

657. And it's not just the menus that need lightening up.

658. Smile mon amie, smile.

659. He's far better looking when he's smiling.

660. Smile!

661. Fucking hell, it doesn't cost anything in Scotland!

662. I'll be damned. (chuckling)

663. - Well tried though.

664. - Well tried yeah, oh fucking hell, throw him in the river.

665. We're supposed to be in a restaurant

666. not a Sunday School Church Service.

667. (gentle organ music) Where's my bible?

668. Barry's grasped the nettle

669. and has radical plans to transform the dining room.

670. - We're gonna take this column away.

671. - Yup.

672. - We're gonna take the raised area away

673. at the back on that side so we can—

674. - At a cost of thirty five thousand pounds.

675. - The arches over the doors we're gonna square off

676. and then it's all panelled all the way around.

677. Some nice artwork.

678. - It doesn't look that bad, does it?

679. - It doesn't look, I don't think it looks particularly—

680. - Yeah it's not glamorous but it's not—

681. - Glamorous but it's—

682. - It's not shitty is it? - No, but it's just not,

683. I just think it doesn't look right.

684. - But I've got a low cost idea

685. which I think will give La Riviera a unique selling point.

686. - Regis, I said less salad.

687. - I'd like you to start thinking about

688. having a table in the kitchen

689. where you have locals who come and sit and eat.

690. It starts to break up the sort of wall that you know,

691. that sometimes you have

692. when you come to a strange, new country.

693. As I've discovered, having a chef table in the kitchen

694. is a great way to bring customers into your world.

695. And keeping the chefs on their toes.

696. And this would be the first

697. restaurant in Scotland to have one.

698. - I think this would be the best place.

699. - Yeah, down there.

700. - Definitely yeah, just in corner, and they will see—

701. - Everything. - Everything.

702. - And it can help create something exciting in Inverness.

703. Can you imagine the buzz going round town?

704. A chef's table could be a way of showing off

705. and establishing your reputation here and be first.

706. - It's an exciting idea. - Yeah it is.

707. - Yeah, yeah? - I mean for once,

708. we're gonna see how does people react—

709. - To your food, yeah.

710. - If it's not good, I mean like, just to throw it.

711. - (chuckling) Hopefully they won't do that.

712. - But it all costs money

713. and although the chef's table is a great investment,

714. until they've got customers coming in

715. they need to make economies elsewhere.

716. Crab, fois gras and hand dived scallops

717. which are King scallops.

718. So, I mean the Rolls Royce of ingredients,

719. I mean everything's here, fucking hell.

720. Loic needs to needs to do what I did when I started out.

721. Learn to use good, cheap cuts

722. to put together an inspiring menu.

723. Do you ever use a shin, Loic?

724. - No. - No?

725. - No. - Ox tongue?

726. Making something exquisite from a shin of beef

727. or an ox tongue takes a lot of skill.

728. Like the size of my feet!

729. And it's a great way to identify talent.

730. Right, ox tail?

731. You, you and you, Regis, a little competition.

732. I want you to cook a dish,

733. come up with something really exciting

734. and then Loic and myself will look at it

735. and the most tastiest, delicious dish,

736. we'll put on the lunch menu.

737. But for me the most important thing about this,

738. it's always a sign of a very, very good cook,

739. to turn something that's very, very cheap,

740. into something quite special.

741. So, Regis, take it to bed and think about it.

742. Next morning, I'm pleased to see the young chefs

743. have taken their ox tail challenge seriously.

744. - Mustard? - Yes?

745. - And— - All three, yeah.

746. - Until it's very, you know? - Yeah, nice and long.

747. - Very warm. - Yeah.

748. - Yeah roll it, put it back into ox tail shape

749. at the beginning. - That's a good idea.

750. - Jus reduction, reduction?

751. - The ox tail dishes

752. for the lunch menu are almost ready

753. and they've each cost about a quid to put together.

754. - So this is braised ox tail with winter vegetable,

755. braised gem lettuce.

756. - Dishes like these

757. are not only highly profitably

758. but bringing together the great Scottish produce

759. with French flair is a winning formula.

760. - I like the jus and just a bit of horseradish.

761. - Yes, it tastes delicious with the white root vegetables

762. it made it feel earthy and together.

763. - Thank you. - Yeah.

764. Who's next?

765. And despite what Loic thinks, simplifying his dishes

766. will actually make them more likely to win awards.

767. I've never had ox tail and sesame seed together before.

768. Michelin inspectors never reveal their criteria.

769. But I know from experience that beautifully cooked food

770. is not enough.

771. Next?

772. Inspectors look for good quality ingredients,

773. ideally regional and definitely in season.

774. - And I put carrots, celeriac. - This idea is great.

775. - And the balance of flavours is crucial.

776. - Very rich.

777. - It needs a salad.

778. - Yeah. - 'Cause it's quite rich.

779. - And what I like is only to put the salad just next to

780. and not on the plate, like this you can chose.

781. - But first and foremost,

782. don't confuse a Michelin Inspectors palate

783. by putting too many ingredients on the plate.

784. You never expect anyone French

785. to come up with a jacket potato stuffed, thank you.

786. The simpler, the better.

787. What do you think?

788. - Really enticing.

789. - Flavours are very good.

790. What you managed to do is to bring out

791. the true flavour of ox tail, above all.

792. - Thank you.

793. - Okay Mel Gibson.

794. Any one of these dishes would be worthy

795. of a place on the lunch menu but we're choosing just one.

796. I want to see if Loic and I can agree on the winner.

797. I'm going to touch my plate which I'd like on the lunch menu

798. and you touch the plate after three.

799. - Yeah, okay.

800. - One, two, three.

801. - Nicolas. - Well done!

802. Well done. - Let's go!

803. - It was real and authentic Scottish food.

804. - Yeah. - That's I think,

805. he understood, he really understood where we want to go.

806. - With Loic leading the way,

807. we're ready to re-launch the restaurant.

808. For me, it's a critical stage for any restaurant

809. is to get a lunch full.

810. And if our customers have an enjoyable lunch,

811. chances are, they'll be back

812. for more expensive a la carte dinner.

813. When they leave with a bloody good lunch,

814. good prices, I can guarantee,

815. by the time five o'clock in the afternoon hits,

816. you know, they've told 100 people,

817. go there for dinner because I had a fantastic lunch.

818. We want to see if we can push this;

819. starter, main and desert, one hour.

820. As well as the new ox tail dish, the menu will include

821. mackerel, pheasant and goat cheese ravioli.

822. Venison from Barry's estate,

823. tuna and the cheapest cut of pork.

824. Customers sometimes are scared about belly of pork

825. thinking fat, greasy, we've taken the fat off,

826. rolled it and spiced on a bed of spinach,

827. it's a caramelised onion puree, have a taste if you wish.

828. And I've got some other ideas

829. to give Scottish traditional dishes a modern twist.

830. This is a soup that doesn't look pretty

831. but tastes amazing.

832. They wouldn't expect a Frenchman to make

833. a cock-a-leekie soup, which is a really nice way

834. of you know, putting your identification on it.

835. Loic, just an idea for the rice pudding.

836. - Yeah?

837. - We grew up with this kind of food

838. so we can go a little bit further,

839. caramelised pineapple, mango or even marinate the prunes

840. in a nice malt whiskey.

841. - Yeah. - Yeah?

842. - That's good.

843. - The kitchen's finally turning out the kind of food

844. that I know will definitely appeal to the locals.

845. And even the waiters have promised to try and smile.

846. But there's one more thing to complete the transformation.

847. You've got to come with me now

848. because we're gonna become even more Scottish.

849. Any ideas yet?

850. Regis, have you ever taken your knickers off before?

851. - No.

852. - A chance to show Inverness your Scotch eggs.

853. - Okay. (laughing)

854. - It's time for Loic and his small colony of French comrades

855. to surrender themselves to the Scots.

856. - (sighing) Fucking hell, the things I'll do

857. to get the arrogant French

858. to become a little bit more Scottish

859. is amazing you know that?

860. - It's cold! (laughing)

861. - How do you put it on?

862. - We don't wear pants underneath our kilts.

863. - That's wonderful, very, very hot and it's very sexy.

864. - I done it, I done it, I done it!

865. - Hey there's 25 very important guests coming for lunch.

866. Yes, got some really good news.

867. They're all women. - Nice.

868. - Very powerful women.

869. If they can impress 25 influential, local business women,

870. they'll be the talk of the town.

871. - Could I have the ox tail and the pork please?

872. - Number two, four guests.

873. One potato soup, vegetarian.

874. Three ox tail, to follow one gnocchi.

875. Two minutes time, one tuna.

876. Nicolas? - Oui?

877. - two mackerels, two ravioli, one of steak, okay?

878. - Watch your legs, watch your frogs legs!

879. At last, Loic's team are beginning to dance

880. to a different tune.

881. - (speaking in foreign language)

882. Go, go, go, Michelin star, okay move!

883. - The food looks really good, clear and simple.

884. - Up, up!

885. - Fucking bastard.

886. I think everyone's coping really, really well.

887. It's the first time I've actually seen

888. a real taste of Scotland in this kitchen.

889. About fucking time.

890. - Just after this we have two more pork, two pork!

891. - Loic's on his way

892. to the top of the premier league.

893. - It's wonderfully presented, it's gorgeous.

894. - And judging by the reaction of his fans,

895. he's definitely scored.

896. - Absolutely divine, just perfect, absolutely perfect!

897. - You couldn't fault anything really.

898. - I would imagine normally with this sort of food

899. you'd be talking at least a couple of hours for lunch

900. but to get something like this in that timescale?

901. Brilliant, it's beautiful!

902. - You have tried, you win this.

903. And you do okay, it's for you, a wee present.

904. - Thank you mon ami.

905. Excuse me, what the fuck is that, who is that?

906. - I think it's a big chef.

907. - And what is that there?

908. - Aha, the balls.

909. - Balls, yeah, trust me I have a big pair of bollocks.

910. Hallelujah, thank you.

911. Chin chin. - Chin.

912. - Loic and his team have come a long way this week

913. and if he sticks to my keep it simple mantra,

914. then I think La Riviera might be on the right track

915. for a Michelin star.

916. Outside.

917. Just for the ladies, Regis,

918. to understand that you really are part of Scotland now,

919. we're all gonna turn around— (ladies cheering)

920. Turn around, turn around, turn around!

921. Ready, one, two, three, go!

922. On my last visit to La Riviera,

923. Chef Loic had simplified his food

924. by reducing the number of ingredients.

925. Barry had spruced up the dining room.

926. The restaurant was heaving.

927. I left it with every chance at becoming a success

928. and attaining that elusive Michelin star.

929. In the two years since I was last here,

930. La Riviera has been renamed Abstract.

931. I wonder what else has changed.

932. Marinated calamari, Chinese way, potato foam,

933. salted peanut ice cream.

934. Sounds like the fucking menu's upside down.

935. Is that a desert or a starter, fuck me.

936. - How are you? - How are you?

937. - Not too bad, family well?

938. - Yeah, very well indeed, thank you.

939. This looks nice and new.

940. My God, it's lunchtime but Abstract is empty!

941. What's wrong?

942. And how many have you got booked for lunch?

943. - Lunch?

944. We don't open for lunch here now, we just opened next door.

945. - So you've actually opened a new restaurant in there?

946. - Yeah we opened Contrast about the end of the second week

947. in June this year.

948. Just a brasserie, so as to try and give us the balance

949. between the fine dining and something more simple.

950. - Bizarre.

951. Instead of serving simple lunches in here as I advised,

952. Barry's opened an entirely new restaurant.

953. - We just thought, we're doing the lunches here,

954. it's really busy there. - Yeah.

955. - We'll close this one.

956. - Barry says turnover at Abstract

957. is down 27% in the past year

958. although it is popular in the evening.

959. Big question, Michelin star?

960. - We never got it and that was it,

961. we just keep working hard and see what happens this year.

962. - I thought by simplifying the menu,

963. I'd put them on course for a star.

964. Is Loic over elaborating in the kitchen again?

965. How are you? - Fine and you?

966. - Yeah, good to see you well.

967. - Yeah. - I'm sorry to hear

968. about the Michelin star, I thought that would of—

969. - That's life. - Arrived a year ago.

970. - We've done well without the star.

971. And the business is running very well.

972. - New dishes on the menu.

973. Marinated calamari Chinese way,

974. potato foam, salted peanut ice cream.

975. - Yeah.

976. - Oh dear.

977. This must be a vegetarian delight,

978. a giblet club sandwich?

979. What is that?

980. - Mashed giblets.

981. - We're in Inverness now?

982. We're not in Edinburgh or London or New York.

983. If you said to someone, you know, fancy a club sandwich?

984. You know, they would expect some fucking chicken,

985. tomatoes, mayonnaise.

986. Where do you get these ideas from?

987. - I don't want to be like my neighbours.

988. - I feel like I'm just preparing lunch

989. for the Silence of the lambs.

990. Brown hare and black pudding, pigs trotter carpaccio?

991. Sounds like everything's intensified ten fold.

992. I just hope it comes off.

993. Some of Loic's menu seems very strange indeed.

994. It's more Frankenstein thank Franco-Scottish.

995. - So that's the club sandwich. - Thank you.

996. - Then we serve with the roasted partridge,

997. Chablis risotto with plum and white mushrooms

998. and just a normal jus.

999. - It's a shame.

1000. He's a talented chef but he's still trying too hard.

1001. - And it's only one or two bites.

1002. At the end of the dish, you're satisfied

1003. because you didn't have a lot to eat.

1004. - I can guarantee there won't be anywhere,

1005. anywhere in quite possibly Europe,

1006. that will be serving a giblet club sandwich

1007. so you can relax on that front.

1008. If Loic carries on like this,

1009. he can forget the Michelin star.

1010. Maybe the brasserie isn't the only reason

1011. takers are down at Abstract.

1012. Loic tells me his customers like the giblet club sandwich.

1013. But surely not.

1014. I'm gonna unleash it onto the street of Inverness.

1015. Yes of course darling,

1016. and would you like to know what it is?

1017. - Yes.

1018. - It's a giblet club sandwich.

1019. - Oh lovely.

1020. - Right, you fire away.

1021. - Lovely!

1022. - You like that? - Yes.

1023. - Fuck me.

1024. Right this, it's actually a giblet club sandwich.

1025. Would you order it if you saw it on a menu in a restaurant?

1026. - There's absolutely no way. - It sounds gross.

1027. - What's in that? - Giblets.

1028. - Definitely wouldn't order it!

1029. - You wouldn't order it?

1030. - I wouldn't either.

1031. - You guys have a little taste, giblet club sandwich?

1032. - Giblet club sandwich, think about it.

1033. - Nope.

1034. - Madame? - Whose giblets?

1035. - Whose giblets? (laughing)

1036. It's weird,

1037. because I feel a little bit sorry for him as a chef

1038. because he's very talented

1039. but he doesn't know where to draw that line.

1040. However, Loic is getting something right.

1041. He finally took my advice about simple food

1042. but not at Abstract, he's doing it here, in the brasserie

1043. and the place is heaving.

1044. It's nicer now, how many tables?

1045. - It can seat 70 people.

1046. - What style of food is it?

1047. - More simple food, chicken obviously.

1048. - You've gone simple?

1049. - Yeah. - No.

1050. - Yeah I can do simple.

1051. - No.

1052. - I can be simple and modern sometimes.

1053. $5.95 for lunch, two course lunch.

1054. - $5.95? - $5.95.

1055. - Gone. - Only fresh produce.

1056. - That's amazing.

1057. What kinds of things are on the menu for $5.95?

1058. - It's a challenge.

1059. You've got some Scottish link, very good.

1060. - Monkfish tail at twelve pound?

1061. Fucking hell no wonder it's so busy!

1062. - It is making good money,

1063. that bring people back in the evening.

1064. - Contrast offers great value dishes

1065. made with fresh ingredients.

1066. I only wish he'd done this next door at Abstract.

1067. So what did you have for dinner?

1068. - The belly of pork.

1069. - And how many times have you eaten here?

1070. - Twice. - Lovely.

1071. - I've been here six times.

1072. - Really? - Yeah I like it.

1073. - Wow that's great, I think it's beautiful.

1074. How many times have you been to Abstract?

1075. - Once. - How long ago?

1076. - Oh, about a year ago.

1077. - Why haven't you been back there?

1078. - I'll be honest, I felt it was a bit stiff.

1079. - It's very relaxed in here, nice and casual.

1080. - Yes. - Yeah,

1081. and you come for the value?

1082. - Yeah, this is probably about the seventh time down here

1083. and I'd recommend it as well.

1084. - You should be on the payroll.

1085. He always made it quite clear from day one

1086. that lunch was his headache

1087. because he couldn't quite make the standard

1088. of fine dining for the lunch menu.

1089. They didn't want to eat plain food,

1090. well, they do because this place is a big success.

1091. Saturday fourth of November, full.

1092. A hundred for dinner.

1093. Another hundred for dinner.

1094. Contrast's success is startling

1095. with a turnover of a quarter of a million pound

1096. in it's first four months.

1097. But why didn't Barry do this in Abstract

1098. and save himself eighty grand building a new brasserie?

1099. It's been phenomenally busy.

1100. But, there's something really weird going on

1101. because that's getting less busy in Abstract over there.

1102. Contrast seems to be the draw.

1103. Fucking hell.

1104. I'm leaving this morning

1105. but Barry and Loic have dropped a bomb.

1106. They're opening a third restaurant together in Edinburgh,

1107. modelled on you're guessed it, Abstract.

1108. This is a first for you in terms of investing in a business,

1109. in terms of partnership?

1110. - Yes sir, yeah.

1111. - And the expenditure?

1112. - Probably you know, we're about four hundred thousand

1113. in on the shop, probably another hundred thousand

1114. opening expenses and stuff like that?

1115. - So half a million?

1116. Big one, in terms of Edinburgh, Edinburgh is a tough market.

1117. I would play it fucking safe, safe, safe, safe.

1118. Whilst it's really exciting,

1119. to go down and play with the fucking big boys in Edinburgh

1120. in a major fucking you know, city.

1121. If I was in your shoes, I would be doing something simple.

1122. I'd be going in with an up market version

1123. of Contrast, not Abstract.

1124. I so want it to work, you know that?

1125. If you stick to those lines,

1126. you'll fucking be a massive, massive success.

1127. - For sure we'll have to simplify, we know that.

1128. - Yeah. - We've got your advice,

1129. your opinion on it now, which I think is great.

1130. And you know, Loic and I'll have a chat about it.

1131. - Perfect, (hands slapping)

1132. good luck, yes. - Thank you.

1133. - Barry?

1134. - Thank you, once again.

1135. Appreciate it.

1136. - You're such a little fucker, you know that?

1137. If they keep it simple and win the Michelin star,

1138. they've got every chance of their business

1139. being really successful but forget the quirkiness!

1140. No restaurant's going to be successful

1141. with a fucking giblet club sandwich,

1142. anywhere in the world, let alone fucking Scotland.