Riverdale 3x16

Directed by Maggie Kiley

Drew Ray Tanner as Fangs Fogarty • Ashleigh Murray as Josie McCoy • Emilija Baranac as Midge Klump • Robyn Ross as Mrs. Klump • Gina Gershon as Gladys Jones

As rehearsals for this year’s musical “Heathers: The Musical” get underway, Cheryl, as queen bee Heather Chandler, channels her own HBIC to deal with a recent fallout. Meanwhile, Betty grows increasingly annoyed by Evelyn’s involvement with the musical – as well as the lives of her friends. Elsewhere, Veronica learns some devastating news about her family, and Archie and Josie make a decision about their future. Lastly, Jughead makes a surprising move against Gladys,

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1. Previously on Riverdale...

2. I want to be more than just your errand boy.

3. Or casual hookup.

4. I want to matter, Ronnie.

5. I just went through a wrenching breakup.

6. I'm taking things slow.

7. Sweet Pea, I told you that

8. our summer fling was gonna be just that, a fling.

9. Can I kiss you?

10. Archie...

11. I can't spend all my time cooped up in that house.

12. It sounds like you regret moving in with me.

13. I've been hearing rumors that you moved to town

14. to take the drug trade from Hiram Lodge.

15. It's about time the Joneses got a taste of the American dream.

16. What are you gonna do now?

17. Protect my dad and run my mom out of town.

18. Do you want to help?

19. Brother Kevin.

20. Groups like the Farm prey on emotionally vulnerable people.

21. Midge was murdered during your production of Carrie.

22. This year's musical is Heathers.

23. Any questions?

24. The Musical?

25. Now how, in God's name,

26. is a play about teen violence and suicide

27. a good idea in Riverdale,

28. especially after the tragedy of last year's musical?

29. Please, Mayor Lodge.

30. Yes, Heathers deals with teen alienation and desperation,

31. but its characters long for simpler, more innocent times.

32. It's ultimate message is a rejection of nihilism.

33. If you'll just listen to the lyrics of the first song.

34. Evelyn.

35. I had a dream I was searching for a needle in a haystack.

36. Care to interpret, Dr. Freud?

37. Your plan's a good one, Jug.

38. Your mom can't start dealing drugs without a lab to make them in.

39. So you find the lab, shut it down,

40. and stop her before she gets a toehold.

41. That's the goal for the week.

42. Look, listen, you guys don't know

43. what your kids are thinking, what they're dealing with.

44. Are all of you this miserable?

45. Well, there is Cheryl Blossom, floating above it all as Heather Chandler.

46. She was a real mess after her breakup with Toni,

47. but then she gave herself the role of HBIC.

48. Veronica and Betty are playing the other Heathers,

49. Heather McNamara and Heather Duke.

50. But Cheryl's the mythic bitch.

51. Greetings, Heathers family.

52. Now, before we start today, there's been a slight change to our creative team.

53. You all know Evelyn Evernever has been helping me produce the musical.

54. But I've also asked Evelyn to step up and be my co-director.

55. Yay! So fun!

56. What?

57. Kevin, no, you always direct the musical alone.

58. Which has been incredibly stressful, Betty.

59. Especially after last year's events.

60. Can we just not talk about Midge?

61. - Please? - No.

62. How about we do a rundown of everybody's parts, catch Evelyn up to speed?

63. I'm playing Veronica Sawyer,

64. outcast turned Heather turned outcast again.

65. Hi, I'm Sweet Pea. Um, playing JD,

66. Veronica Sawyer's bad boy love interest.

67. Reggie Mantle.

68. AKA jock Ram Sweeney.

69. Gonna bro it up with my bud Arch here,

70. just two single straight dudes doing some theater.

71. Given how much dancing there is in Heathers,

72. Evelyn and I felt we should bring on a choreographer,

73. so give a big Heathers hello

74. to Riverdale's resident fly girl, Toni Topaz!

75. Um, does anyone have a chainsaw, because what the...

76. Everything in your lives matters.

77. There are universal truths within each of your personal experiences.

78. A you inside of me, a me inside of you.

79. In rehearsal, we are going to explore

80. our own personal traumas and experiences

81. and exercise them through our art.

82. All right,

83. Cheryl, Veronica, Betty, "Candy Store,"

84. set and costumes are ready. Go get changed.

85. So this number is about the Heathers'

86. undeniable power.

87. Each of you can get anything you want at any time.

88. So really unleash that force.

89. We'll all start with some simple steps.

90. Yeah, we got it, thanks.

91. Uh, Toni has some fantastic choreo.

92. How very.

93. But my Heathers and I have worked out

94. our own choreography.

95. Come on, Cheryl. I'm trying to be professional here, can you not?

96. Are we gonna have a problem?

97. Shut up, Toni!

98. I know what you're up to.

99. Lowering Sweet Pea's solo?

100. Cute.

101. This entire musical is just

102. one big recruitment drive for you, isn't it?

103. I'm sorry, I don't follow.

104. The Farm is sponsoring the play.

105. You strong-armed your way into co-directing.

106. Your "warm-up" sermons? "Exercising trauma through art"

107. screams cult recruitment.

108. Betty,

109. dissect these trust issues.

110. The Farm is producing and I'm co-directing the musical

111. for one simple reason.

112. To have big fun.

113. In fact...

114. Yeah. Okay. Um...

115. Everyone, hi.

116. Um, I know that cast parties

117. are usually after opening night,

118. but the Farm will be hosting a little get-together tonight

119. - at the former Sisters of Quiet Mercy... - Sweet.

120. And, um, I know it may seem a little weird or method-y,

121. but come in costume.

122. Let's go.

123. Anything big come over the radio today?

124. Yeah, as a matter of fact, there were a string of pharmacy break-ins

125. and, uh...

126. Wasn't sure I was going to tell you this, but, uh,

127. Tent City was ransacked.

128. Our old trailer was stolen.

129. Wait, missing pharmaceuticals and a stolen house on wheels?

130. I mean, doesn't that sound like

131. the makings of a mobile drug lab?

132. It's possible, sure.

133. I mean, Riverdale's filled with a lot of desperate folks.

134. Maybe the Serpents and I can help you look for it.

135. What, the trailer?

136. Boy, it was worthless.

137. Well, not to me.

138. That was our home for how many years?

139. Too many.

140. Just popping in to change.

141. There's a cast party tonight.

142. Don't wait up.

143. Uh, Veronica,

144. we have to talk.

145. Your mother and I are separating.

146. What?

147. No, you're not.

148. Very funny.

149. Um...

150. I'll be staying at the Five Seasons indefinitely.

151. Wait, what is happening?

152. It's already been decided.

153. We wanted to tell you in person.

154. No, Daddy...

155. Whatever this is, we can figure it out as a family. Just...

156. Can someone please tell me what's going on?

157. Ask your mother.

158. Mom?

159. He knows, Veronica.

160. Knows what?

161. The truth.

162. He knows I sold the drugs out from under him while he was in the hospital.

163. What are you gonna do?

164. I'm gonna take a bath.

165. You have fun with your friends.

166. Well, given the night I've been having,

167. I, for one, could use a libation, so...

168. Salud.

169. - I'll take one. - That's the spirit.

170. I wonder what your father Edgar would say about all this, Evelyn.

171. No need to wonder.

172. you are looking good tonight.

173. I'm actually having...

174. I can't believe she actually came.

175. I need a refill.

176. It's time to let everything go.

177. Follow my lead.

178. All right.

179. Can I confess something?

180. I was afraid this was never gonna happen again.

181. Me too.

182. But maybe you and me are meant to be together.

183. Maybe we're end game.

184. Reggie...

185. Hungry, Kevin?

186. Here.

187. It's an organic brownie with farm-grown maple mushrooms baked in.

188. - Oh! - Try it.

189. They're... transformative.

190. Enjoy the ride.

191. With a big gulp of water.

192. Fountain's in the hall.

193. So last night was big fun.

194. But...

195. now it's time to dig deep.

196. So, we're each gonna share something

197. that we've never told anyone before.

198. Big or small.

199. So, does no one have a burden that the rest of us can help shoulder?

200. I'm being haunted by Midge's ghost.

201. I've been thinking about her all the time since rehearsals started and I just... I just

202. - feel so guilty. - I've been seeing her, too.

203. Not her ghost. But in nightmares.

204. How beautiful.

205. Through revealing their truth, these two young men have

206. found an unexpected connection,

207. perhaps more.

208. So, um,

209. who would like to go next?

210. I've got something.

211. I know

212. it was just supposed to be a summer fling,

213. and, uh, she didn't want a relationship.

214. But I did. So it really blew to see Archie and Josie

215. getting cozy last night.

216. Arch,

217. - are you and Josie dating? - Well, I mean...

218. Uh...

219. - Did you know about this? - What?

220. No, I had no idea.

221. The fact that your ex-boo has a new girlfriend

222. has nothing to do with you suddenly being all-in with me?

223. Veronica?

224. Anything to share?

225. I just found out that my parents are separating.

226. My family's unconventional, to say the least,

227. but I always thought, no matter what, they'd

228. stay together.

229. And that is what we in the theater call a breakthrough.

230. So, I guess people know about us now.

231. Yup.

232. He's a real class-act, that Sweet Pea.

233. Josie, is it such a bad thing?

234. Why not make it official? Why not be boyfriend and girlfriend?

235. Archie...

236. Okay.

237. The other day,

238. when you asked how we got together,

239. we were lonely.

240. It's not exactly a strong bedrock.

241. That's what you think we are?

242. Just lonely souls, filling the void?

243. So that's the real reason.

244. You wanted to get back together because

245. your parents are splitsville.

246. Why didn't you tell me?

247. I wanted to ignore it.

248. To feel better.

249. You make me feel better.

250. I know how it must seem.

251. And I would understand if you never wanted to talk to me again.

252. That's not what I'm saying.

253. And truly, it sucks about your folks,

254. but I don't think this is something we should be doing right now.

255. What's your damage, Child of the Corn?

256. I just thought you might want to see what's happening in the hall.

257. Um, did you have a lobotomy for breakfast?

258. You're wearing my signature color.

259. You don't own the color red.

260. Red existed before you.

261. Not at Riverdale High.

262. Here, I invented red.

263. I am red.

264. Sorry,

265. but this school's not big enough for both of us. faux-Pink Lady.

266. And I was here first.

267. So go to Centerville High.

268. Or Westerberg. I don't care.

269. But you have until first bell Monday

270. to clear every trace of yourself out of these halls.

271. Copy?

272. Or...

273. Uh, Toni, Peaches. What's going on?

274. Shh.

275. That works for me.

276. Stop.

277. Stop.

278. I'm sorry.

279. I shouldn't have brought you guys here.

280. I can't do this.

281. Sweet Pea and Fangs are on musical detail,

282. but the rest of you have your groups and grids.

283. Scour the area, find the trailer.

284. Now, if I'm right, it's being used as a drug lab, and we need to shut it down.

285. First sight of it, you call me ASAP. Okay?

286. Do you want to go hunting with me tonight?

287. I wish, but I heard from...

288. Well, Eavesdropping Evelyn called a closed rehearsal

289. for select cast members in the Gargoyle Chamber.

290. Can I borrow your camera?

291. Hey.

292. Hey.

293. You got my text. You came.

294. Um...

295. I wanted to talk to you.

296. Wait.

297. Can I go first?

298. Look, if you don't want to be in a relationship

299. because you're not into me, then that's fine.

300. But if you do like me...

301. Then let's start figuring out what we are,

302. and what we can be to each other.

303. For real,

304. let's clean the slate and let's fight for this.

305. Let's fight for us.

306. Check that out.

307. Principal Weatherbee,

308. Heathers is being used to indoctrinate students into a cult.

309. It looks like these two boys are simply rehearsing.

310. No.

311. No, no, this is part of a religious ceremony.

312. A ritual.

313. The Farm's a fully sanctioned club, Ms. Cooper.

314. Approved by me, after I read Edgar's doctrines.

315. Which, I must say, I found quite

316. fascinating

317. and appealing.

318. Jug, you'll never believe this,

319. but I think Weatherbee is part of the Farm.

320. Yeah, well, I have news, too.

321. Can you meet me at Junkyard Steve's, ASAP?

322. What is that, drain cleaner?

323. No.

324. It's an olive branch.

325. So you're here to beg for clemency?

326. No.

327. For us.

328. What are we doing?

329. What are we even fighting about?

330. Babe, what was love like in your family?

331. It was

332. all or nothing.

333. Pure adoration or distilled hate.

334. Thornhill was a den of shadows,

335. and Jay-Jay was my only light.

336. And

337. he died,

338. and it was dark again.

339. Until you.

340. Then it felt like you were disappearing on me.

341. But I'm not gone.

342. I'm right here.

343. And maybe

344. it's not too late for us.

345. Tonsils called it in.

346. Oh, my God.

347. This was my childhood home.

348. My mom destroyed it.

349. And how the hell did it get here?

350. When did our lives go from

351. worrying about who was going to sit next to us on the bus to drug lord mothers?

352. And serial killer fathers.

353. And unstoppable cults.

354. This is the emotional climax of the musical.

355. "Seventeen" captures the longing all the characters feel for what they've lost,

356. their teen innocence.

357. What are we gonna do?

358. I've got a crazy idea.

359. Maybe...

360. Maybe we can steal the trailer back

361. while everyone's at the play.

362. Arch can lend me the keys to his dad's truck, and I can just move it,

363. get it out of my mom's hands.

364. Is this idea maybe more emotional than practical?

365. - Because another thing that you could do is... - What?

366. You let it go.

367. Come back home, Daddy.

368. So what if Mom tried to get rid of your drugs?

369. Do you want to know the real reason why we're getting a divorce?

370. I found out that your mother tried to have me killed.

371. Twice.

372. I... I can't believe that.

373. Oh, mija,

374. yes, you can.

375. In fact,

376. I think part of you already knew.

377. You always say,

378. "Family is the most important thing."

379. Family's trust.

380. You and your mother betrayed me, so...

381. there is no family anymore.

382. Veronica, your solo's up.

383. I was going to talk about the devastating loneliness

384. your character feels at this particular moment,

385. but it seems like you're already there, so take it away.

386. Don't worry. I'm not Parent-Trapping you.

387. I recognize your irreconcilable differences.

388. But I do have a request to make.

389. Come to opening night.

390. Together. That's all I ask.

391. To make one last happy memory.

392. Well, finally, we gotta motor in ten.

393. - Whoa, what the hell happened? - Are you okay?

394. Oh, I'm fine. It's just some scratches.

395. JB, would you, uh, run and pick me out a clean shirt, please?

396. Did you piss off a cat in heat?

397. Some tweaked-out Fizzle-head was playing G&G in the middle of the damn road.

398. The candy store is definitely back open.

399. But I am gonna find whoever is cooking that crap.

400. Drugs, it's terrible.

401. What a nightmare.

402. Dad, if you're okay, I think Betty and I are going to ride ahead.

403. - We'll just meet you at the play. - Okay.

404. Why, what's going on?

405. Just a quick stop.

406. A little pre-show tradition.

407. Sign my program later?

408. - Hey, Evelyn? - Hey.

409. Thank you. Thanks.

410. - It's ten minutes to places, cast. - Thank you. Ten.

411. And now for my favorite part.

412. Blot.

413. This color was made for you. We have to get you a tube.

414. - Where have you been? - Hi, Kev, sorry, we had to make a quick stop.

415. What is all over your faces? Soot?

416. Get to makeup, stat.

417. - Okay. - And, Betty, make sure he knows

418. his line and choreography for the finale.

419. - Okay. - My line?

420. - Yeah. - I'm not part of the cast.

421. No, it's kind of a big statement song now. Kevin wants everyone in it.

422. Don't worry, follow my lead. It's basically just a costume change. Come on.

423. Jeez...

424. Talk about watching your childhood go up in flames.

425. Are you okay?

426. I'm surviving.

427. Because you're here with me.

428. I knew my dad would like it.

429. Greg, move your head.