1. Good evening and
welcome to Worm News.
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2. I'm your host, William Worm.
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3. Yes, and I'm Wendy Worm.
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4. Yes, we know.
First up, an election update.
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5. Squiggly Miggly narrowly
clenched the nomination today,
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6. making him the
main rival to the
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7. highly unpopular
President Jimble.
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8. Squiggly Miggly's
definitely going to win.
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9. President Jimble has no chance.
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10. You never know, Allan.
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11. After all,
President Ross Perot won
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12. re-election in
1996 in a major upset.
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13. Oh, you're so right, Pim.
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14. I forgot about that factoid.
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15. Who are you
going to vote for, Charlie?
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16. I don't vote.
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17. OK, I'll tell you why
right now, Pim.
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18. Listen up very carefully.
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19. Little guys like you and me
we're called peons in this world
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20. and we don't decide
who the President is.
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21. Come on, Charlie. That's silly.
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22. Every single vote matters.
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23. Look, I'm just not interested in
getting involved in politics,
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24. Okay? Sorry.
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25. Hey, boys,
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26. guess who just got a call to
make the President smile?
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27. The President will see you now.
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28. We do need corn,
you dumb motherfucker!
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29. Send bombs, not corn, BOMBS!
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30. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I, uh...
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31. You suck!
You're bad at what you do!
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32. Quit Motherfucker!
QUIT!
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33. Good to speak to you, too.
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34. Thank you. You're terrific.
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35. Oh, oh, hi.
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36. Are you two here to bring
me my napkins?
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37. No.
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38. Okay, let me just buzz in...
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39. Mr. President, we're the
Smiling Friends.
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40. Oh, you's are the
two... two's I called.
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41. I don't know if you heard,
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42. but I was the Vice
President to, uh...
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43. President Pinhead.
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44. He died last month from a
bad shrimp,
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45. and I became
the President.
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46. Yeah, we know.
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47. It was literally
the bad shrimp.
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48. Tragedy.
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49. But now I'm friggin' miserable
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50. since I became the President.
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51. All these trolls keep
hating me,
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52. and I don't...
I don't know why.
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53. Dude, no offence or anything,
but have you ever thought
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54. that maybe you should not
be President
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55. and maybe you
should, like, I don't know,
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56. go lay on a beach or
something instead and chill out?
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57. I can't.
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58. This upcoming election
is by one ...
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59. to prove I'm not a fluke.
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60. I want to win something
for once in my life
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61. so people will finally like me.
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62. President Jimble,
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63. it doesn't matter how
you got this job.
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64. What matters now is that you're
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65. the one sitting behind
that beautiful brown desk,
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66. and I believe
that's destiny.
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67. Plenty of Presidents
were unpopular until
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68. they found out they
were good at one specific thing.
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69. We just need to find out
what your thing is,
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70. and you'll definitely
beat Squiggly Miggly.
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71. Yeah.
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72. You're sayin', I can be
the lamb president.
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73. No, I mean, like, policy,
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74. like, presidential stuff.
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75. What?
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76. Um, anyway, luckily
it's just a two-man race,
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77. so it shouldn't be
too complicated.
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78. Uh, guys,
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79. I don't know a...
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80. It's no secret that
President Jimble's A...
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81. is poor, angry and divided.
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82. That's why Mr Frog
is running for President.
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83. America needs his
calm and steady
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84. leadership to build
a safer America.
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85. A prosperous America,
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86. a stronger America.
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87. Vote for Mr Frog,
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88. and together we can build
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89. Mr Frog's America.
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90. Hello, I'm Mr Frog
and I approve this message.
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91. No, I don't. I hate you.
Fuck you.
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92. Pim, That was amazing. I just
got
goose pimples from watching
that.
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93. Charlie, don't look at that.
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94. Sir, have you ever tried giving
a rousing speech
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95. and inspiring the people?
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96. Maybe it's your hidden talent.
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97. I feel nauseous.
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98. Nah, it's just your
nerves talking, man.
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99. You'll be fine.
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100. Hello, Transylvania!
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101. I know most of you don't like
me,
but I'm here to ...
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102. I can talk good
and give a good speech.
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103. Oh. Excuse me.
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104. I think that lamb
I had earlier was rotten.
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105. !
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106. Okay, perfect.
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107. That adult diaper should
help with any...
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108. unfortunate accidents while
you're, ah, feeling unwell.
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109. Can we stop and
get more lamb for lunch?
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110. No, no more lamb.
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111. Pim, did you see Mr Frog just
announced his plan
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112. to fix the economy?
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113. Man, he is good.
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114. Grr, I'll show that
toad bastard
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115. an ergonomic plan!
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116. Hello, America.
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117. I'm going to be the
money president.
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118. Each and every one of you
are going to get
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119. one billion dollars each
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120. so you can all be rich.
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121. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
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122. You can't do that.
You'll crash the economy.
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123. Oh, sorry. I didn't mean
to do that.
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124. Everybody's going to
have to give
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125. back all that money
to the government.
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126. By the way, sorry about
those loud noises.
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127. That was just my diaper.
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128. I don't want to have another
accident from the bad lamb.
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129. All better.
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130. Dude, check the news.
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131. It doesn't matter what channel.
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132. !
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133. Am I winning yet?
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134. No, no, not at all, man.
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135. You shit your pants and
crashed the economy
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136. within the same day.
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137. What are you
talking about, dude?
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138. Pim - Look, the one thing
you've still got over
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139. Mr Frog is is that
you're actually in office.
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140. If we can just
get you this one easy
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141. foreign policy win,
we can make a comeback.
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142. I'm feeling sick again.
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143. Oh, my God, dude!
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144. Just get through it quickly.
You'll be ...
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145. Guys, I did it. I did it.
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146. I didn't get sick from
the soured lamb.
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147. You... you were supposed
to condemn him.
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148. What?
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149. You just emboldened
a war criminal dictator.
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150. Dude, I don't know anything
about politics,
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151. even I know he's bad.
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152. He wiped a whole
fucking race of
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153. people off the
face of the planet.
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154. Maybe it will be all right.
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155. All right, so it looks like
you're projected to
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156. lose every single state
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157. in what could be a
historic landslide for Mr Frog.
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158. But we still have
the debate, I guess.
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159. De-bate.
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160. Haha. Debate.
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161. If you think about it,
that's a funny word.
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162. De-bate.
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163. Thank you.
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164. Pim, I can't do this anymore.
I'm done.
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165. I'm bailing.
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166. All right.
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167. Who was that guy?
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168. What?
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169. Ugh, maybe we shouldn't even do
the debate.
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170. Look, I know my brain
don't work no good sometimes,
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171. but what about all
that stuff you told me?
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172. I promise I'll get out there
and try my hardest this time.
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173. Yeah, you're right.
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174. No, I'm left.
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175. Left-handed.
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176. Man, this place is a labyrinth.
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177. How the hell
do I get out of here?
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178. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just trying
to find my way out of here.
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179. That's okay.
We're just an all-powerful
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180. secret society that
you shouldn't know about.
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181. We're just implementing our
insane secret plan to elect Mr
Frog
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182. through mass
media manipulation.
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183. I knew it. I knew
the voters didn't
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184. actually pick the president.
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185. Yes, and now that you
know our plan,
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186. we're going to cover
you in dirt
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187. and slowly devour you
because we're worms.
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188. No, I'm actually cool with
your guy's plan,
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189. the current guy's
a bonehead.
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190. Oh, really? Cool.
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191. Yeah, Mr Frog's chaos is
exactly what we need to
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192. expand our power. Join us.
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193. Sorry, I can't betray my friend.
He's helping President Jimble.
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194. But I really am a big
fan of Mr Frog, like a huge fan.
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195. I love when he eats the
bug on the show.
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196. He— He does what?
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197. Yeah, you know,
when he grabs the
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198. bug on the Mr Frog
show and eats it,
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199. it's like his whole thing.
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200. Oh my God!
Aren't we a type of bug?
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201. Wait, stop!
Wait, stop!
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202. Everyone just stop!
Let's just make sure.
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203. Do frogs eat worms?
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204. Yes, yes they do!
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205. Oh my God,
that's TOO much chaos!
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206. We're totally going to
support President Jimble now.
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207. He doesn't eat worms,
he only eats lamb.
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208. Wait, no, no, no, no, no!
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209. Decisions final.
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210. Goodbye.
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211. Good evening. I'm William Worm.
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212. Before we begin, we have
just received word that
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213. Squiggly Miggly will not be
attending tonight's debate
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214. due to the fact he blew his
head off with a 3D printed
shotgun.
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215. We want to remind the
audience to please not,
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216. ah, talk out loud,
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217. do not applaud.
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218. You're just wasting time.
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219. Now, our first question
tonight goes to Mr Frog.
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220. Mr Frog, why are you so evil?
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221. You have one second to respond.
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222. Hello, I think—
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223. Time's up, plus you're wrong.
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224. The next question is for our
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225. beloved and
highly intelligent president.
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226. Why are you so amazing?
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227. You have unlimited time to
respond.
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228. Oh, p-p-presidential...
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229. p-p-p-p
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230. policy, I—
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231. I can't do this.
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232. A little pink guy once
told me I needed to
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233. find out what I would
be good at as president.
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234. I've finally figured it out.
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235. I'm the president who
shouldn't have been the
president.
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236. Let's face it, I'm a—
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237. retard.
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238. You know, I always
used to want to,
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239. to win the election
and have people like me,
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240. but I don't care about
that any more now.
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241. I just want to
be honest, and everyone
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242. that trolled me and
gave me nasty messages.
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243. Fuck you!
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244. Fuck off!
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245. JAG-OFF!
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246. Thank you.
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247. That answer...
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248. was correct!
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249. JIM-BLE! JIM-BLE! JIM-BLE!
JIM-BLE! JIM-BLE! JIM-BLE!
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250. When do the
results start coming in?
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251. Next few
minutes. I got 10 G's says
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252. Jimble's gonna
win, and if he doesn't—
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253. Then I'll take
matters into my own hands.
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254. Ha ha! I'm just kidding!
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255. I'll do it, though.
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256. I'm just playing, dude.
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257. No, I'm serious.
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258. But no, I'll actually do it.
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259. Hey, Pim, sorry about bailing
the other day, man.
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260. I guess I'm not
really cut out for politics.
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261. No, it's fine, Charlie.
Everything ended up working out.
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262. I don't know if President Jimble
is gonna win, but something
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263. about that debate
really turned things around.
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264. Yeah, well, you know, it kind of
reminds me how Shrimpo Jones
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265. won those debates
by surprise
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266. and went onto
landslide in 1980.
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267. Oh, Charlie, look at you
with the political facts now.
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268. Yeah, well, hey,
man, who knows?
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269. Maybe you're the one
that got me into politics.
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270. Oh, okay, good!
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271. Getting political! I see a
new Charlie! Oooo! Ahh!
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272. I've seen you, Charlie!
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273. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha!
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274. Shut up! The
results are coming in.
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275. And now for an election update.
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276. Mr Frog and President Jimble
are in a virtual tie.
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277. The only state yet
to be called is the state
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278. of Pennsylvania
with its 19 electoral votes.
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279. Whoever takes this state
will be our next president.
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280. Oh, my God!
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281. Jimble could really win this!
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282. Uh, breaking.
We're just getting this now.
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283. Ah, the state of
Pennsylvania has just been
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284. called for Mr Frog
by one single vote,
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285. making Mr Frog the
president-elect of the United
States.
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286. Oh, this can't be right.
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287. Don't look at me, I don't
know w...
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288. Wait, what?
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289. And we're getting
confirmation now.
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290. the one single vote
was from this guy.
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291. We're putting his name,
face address and
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292. social security number on screen
for our millions of viewers now.
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293. Glep, What the fuck.
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294. Dude? Why?
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295. Well, whatever
I do now is on Glep.
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296. Glep, why would
you vote for Mr Frog?
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297. Our job was to
help President Jimble.
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298. Oh, okay, yeah. Good point.
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299. That makes sense.
That's fair. Yeah, yeah, okay.
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300. This is the life.
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