1. Hey, boys! Thanks for coming in
on such short notice.
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2. - No worries, it's our job.
- Yeah.
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3. Cool, so anyways,
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4. you guys got a job to help the Shmaloogles
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5. in Shmaloogleville.
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6. Shmaloogles?
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7. Yeah, Shmaloogles.
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8. I'm— I'm just reading
off the card here, man.
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9. I don't write them, I just read them.
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10. It says, "The Shmaloogles
in Shmaloogleville need help."
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11. So, that's all I know.
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12. Sounds like a fun job to me.
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13. Cool, any questions?
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14. Yeah, I actually do have a question.
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15. Who is that? Who's that man?
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16. It's my boy, Neil.
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17. We're gonna watch the Clerks movies
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18. in the Rumpus Room later.
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19. And look, s— no pressure,
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20. but, like, if you guys want to,
like, join us,
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21. that would be awesome.
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22. Maybe, yeah.
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23. I mean, it really just depends
if we have time or not,
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24. right, Pim? 'Cause it's like...
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25. Yeah, if we get done in time,
we'll let you know.
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26. Also, Neil did message Brian O'Halloran.
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27. He's... Dante in Clerks.
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28. So, I don't know if he'll come, but yeah.
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29. Brian was messaged.
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30. We're going to go on the job now,
but we'll see, we'll let you know.
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31. See you later, Mr. Boss.
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32. Yeah, yeah, no worries. Have fun.
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33. So they don't like Clerks or what?
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34. No, man, I'm sure they like Clerks.
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35. Those guys just have a lot
on their plate right now.
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36. Dude, that car is not meant
for off-roading at all.
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37. This place looks lovely!
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38. Greetings!
Thank you for coming to help us.
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39. I am King Shmaloogle,
and this is Shmaloogleville.
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40. We Shmaloogles are a simple people.
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41. We spend most of our time Shmaloogleing.
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42. For fun, we also Gloogle.
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43. But, of course,
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44. a day in Shmaloogleville
wouldn't be the same
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45. without some good old-fashioned Woogling.
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46. This place seems like a paradise.
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47. What could you
possibly need our help with?
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48. Shmaloogley-woogley-woo!
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49. Our Shmaloogle machine is boogling
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50. when it should be zoogling.
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51. It's making us so sad.
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52. Yeah. We can try to help you with that.
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53. Nah, dude. I'm— I'm not doing this one.
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54. Wait, what? What's the matter, Charlie?
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55. Yeah, it's fine. I just...
This is way more of a Pim job, man.
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56. And I think you're gonna do
a really good job.
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57. - What do you mean?
- I just—
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58. I know I'm not gonna add anything to this.
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59. Is it just the Shmaloogle stuff?
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60. - Okay, I understand.
- It's everything.
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61. - Yeah, it doesn't feel like Charlie.
- Yeah, it's everything.
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62. It's the look, it's the name,
it's the problem they have.
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63. - It's all of it.
- That's all right.
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64. I can do this on my own
if you don't want to.
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65. - Yeah, that's all right.
- Yeah, yeah. By the way, by the way,
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66. dude, I'll go grab us lunch
and just tell me what you want from Wawa.
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67. Can I get a chicken salad wrap, actually?
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68. Absolutely, yeah.
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69. No worries,
I'll do this while you're gone. Yeah.
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70. - Good.
- All right, man.
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71. - All right, see you, Charlie.
- All right. See you, man.
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72. Okay, let's see.
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73. What exactly is the problem again
with the Shmaloogle machine?
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74. No! Everyone, hide!
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75. Pim!
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76. Wh— What was that?
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77. That just happens every now and again.
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78. What?
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79. Hey! Look, everyone!
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80. I've got the Shmaloogle machine working!
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81. Huzzah!
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82. Shmaloogle celebration!
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83. Yay!
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84. I shall crush you into liquid!
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85. No, please don't do that!
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86. Quiet, you!
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87. Now, where was I?
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88. Now it's your turn!
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89. Wait a minute! Your head won't fit!
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90. You're not a Shmaloogle!
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91. Explain yourself!
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92. I'm Pim!
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93. The Shmaloogles called me
and my friend to help them!
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94. It's my job!
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95. Dammit! I need more Shmaloogles then!
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96. Wait! What do you even need
the Shmaloogles for
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97. in the first place?
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98. You really wanna know?
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99. What is wrong with you little freaks?
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100. We gotta do something.
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101. Relax, Charlie.
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102. There's nothing we can do.
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103. Why don't you chill out
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104. and have a homemade Shmaloogle shake
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105. that Princess Shmaloogle made?
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106. Hello. Have a Shmaloogle shake.
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107. No, I don't want a Shmaloogle milkshake.
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108. I want to get my friend
and I want to go home.
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109. It's Shmaloogle o'clock.
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110. Hey, hey,
stop doing your stupid little dance!
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111. The village was just attacked
and your friends were kidnapped
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112. and you're not gonna do anything about it
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113. except for dance around
and talk in nonsense?
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114. You suck and you're weak little cowards!
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115. He's right. I'm inspired.
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116. Me too!
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117. I feel funny inside.
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118. I want to fight!
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119. You know what?
I don't like dancing around.
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120. I've been repressing this for too long.
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121. Let's go kill that wizard!
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122. Hey, come on now, guys.
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123. We're Shmaloogles, man.
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124. We don't fight.
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125. We sing and we dance.
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126. Fuck you!
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127. Guys, guys, guys, look.
I like the direction you're going in,
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128. but I think we need to channel this energy
into something more constructive.
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129. Like what?
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130. How about a cool fucking training montage?
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131. Ready to learn the horrible secret
that will change your life forever?
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132. Yeah, I guess.
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133. Sorry, what's the problem?
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134. My hair is thinning!
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135. Okay, and what does that have
to do with the Shmaloogles?
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136. I read on a forum
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137. that Shmaloogles
are a natural remedy for hair loss,
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138. so I've been killing them
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139. and rubbing their juices on my scalp.
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140. There's nothing wrong with going bald,
and it definitely doesn't mean
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141. you need to kill innocent creatures
over it.
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142. Okay, okay, wow, okay,
you really don't get it.
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143. Come over here.
Let me show you something, come here.
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144. - All right, you see this right here?
- Yeah.
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145. This is called the Norwood Scale,
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146. and it goes from one to seven.
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147. And right now, I'm like a...
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148. like a three and a half, or a four.
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149. And it's just getting worse.
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150. I think you're thinking about it too much.
I don't even think people notice.
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151. Wait, let me guess.
Just shave it off and accept it, right?
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152. - Yeah, like just own it.
- Yeah, yeah.
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153. A lot of people go bald
and they just own it.
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154. - Who? Who?
- You know...
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155. There's lots of celebrities that are bald.
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156. You mean like rich, handsome people
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157. who can hire like personal trainers?
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158. I don't think that matters.
Balding is fine.
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159. It's just I don't think hair matters
as much as you think.
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160. Okay, okay. Look. That's great.
Hold on to that thought.
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161. I want you to tell me
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162. what you think this guy
does for a living, okay?
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163. - Like a...
- Go.
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164. Looks like a construction worker,
a mechanic.
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165. - Just someone who works...
- Interesting.
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166. So sort of like blue collar,
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167. - bottom of the bottom of the society.
- Yeah— No, no.
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168. No, there's nothing wrong
with jobs like that.
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169. - No!
- He looks like he works with his hands,
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170. like a laborer type of job. Sure.
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171. Perfect answer.
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172. - What's your point though? Why?
- No, no. There's no trick.
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173. Let me just... Okay. Now, now,
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174. what does this guy do?
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175. - Right?
- You just put hair on him?
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176. - I mean—
- Still a construction worker?
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177. He could, like, yeah, I mean...
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178. Could he? Really? Really?
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179. You wouldn't say CEO? Or president?
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180. You'd say laborer, really?
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181. Come on, dude, be honest,
come on, come on.
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182. I do kind of see your point, yeah.
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183. So, you agree that me killing Shmaloogles
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184. is totally justified, then?
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185. Look, being locked up here
all by yourself looking at images
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186. on a scary orb can't be good for anyone.
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187. Have you ever thought about talking
to a professional about this?
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188. No, I've never told anyone
about my hair loss,
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189. and I never will!
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190. The only reason I've told you is
because I'm going to kill you!
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191. No, please don't!
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192. Yo, man, give me my friend back
and we'll call it even.
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193. I got a fucking army with me.
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194. How wonderful!
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195. The Shmaloogles have come right
to my doorstep for me to murder!
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196. Attack!
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197. Man.
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198. Man, those stairs killed me.
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199. Charlie!
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200. For your relentless attacks
on our people and our village,
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201. we sentence you to death.
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202. Any last words?
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203. Yeah!
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204. Smile and blow me!
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205. Wait, Mr. Wizard!
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206. You should tell them
why you did what you did!
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207. I'd rather die!
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208. Kill me! Kill me! Kill me!
Kill me! Kill me!
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209. Look, you're balding,
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210. and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
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211. Tell them that you've been
using Shmaloogles to try and cure it.
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212. No, it's a cowlick,
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213. plus the lighting is all weird in here
and everything.
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214. It's...
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215. All right. Fine. Fine!
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216. I'm going bald.
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217. That's your problem?
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218. Dude, you don't need Shmaloogles.
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219. You just need,
like, finasteride and minoxidil.
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220. Yeah, but...
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221. I mean, don't those drugs come with, like,
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222. nasty side effects or something?
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223. For some guys, yeah.
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224. For me personally,
I've been on it for ten years.
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225. I've never had those issues personally,
but...
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226. I didn't know that, Charlie.
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227. Yeah, man. If I never got on medication,
I would be fully bald at this point.
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228. I'd be like that guy right there.
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229. But, you know, for you,
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230. the Norwood level
that you're at right now,
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231. your hair is totally savable.
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232. No, I think you're right.
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233. I— I really think you're right.
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234. I just gotta bite the bullet
and just try it.
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235. And you know what?
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236. Even if I do get side effects,
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237. at least I tried something, right?
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238. So, does this mean you won't kill
the Shmaloogles anymore?
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239. I suppose so.
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240. Shmaloogletastic!
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241. So, what now?
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242. You guys wanna get Wawa?
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243. See, Charlie?
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244. Turns out you are good
at helping silly characters smile.
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245. Pim, you're the smile expert, buddy,
all right?
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246. Everything I know, I learned from you.
All right, let's get that out of the way.
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247. I'll tell you what, maybe I'll even
do a little bit of the Shmaloogle dance?
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248. What if I do that?
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249. By the way,
I just wanted to bring this up.
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250. When we were storming the castle
before and going up the steps,
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251. I saw you take a picture
of Princess Shmaloogle
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252. from underneath her dress.
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253. I just want to say
I'm really not okay with that.
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254. What? Are you talking to me?
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255. Yeah, I'm talking to you.
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256. - I didn't do that.
- I swear I saw you behind us.
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257. Wait, wait, not only did I not do that,
it's not even possible.
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258. I haven't had my phone on me all day.
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259. I forgot it at the office. Look.
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260. Gosh, I didn't
know you didn't have your phone.
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261. Maybe it was just the way
your hand was moving or something.
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262. - Yes.
- Forget I said anything.
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263. I'm sorry.
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264. I mean, the vibe's ruined now, dude.
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265. So, what's amazing about this shot is,
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266. - we had a limited space—
- Hang on a second, man.
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267. I just want to hear this part.
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268. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
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269. It's all good.
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270. It's all good.
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