1. Hey, fellas! Fellas!Copy !req
2. You wanna know what time
I woke up this morning?Copy !req
3. - What time?
- Around six-seven!Copy !req
4. Six-seven!Copy !req
5. Oh, hey, Annie. Ladies.Copy !req
6. Did you guys do your homework
last night?Copy !req
7. I tried to, but I got stuck on
problems six and seven!Copy !req
8. Six-seven!Copy !req
9. Hey, Eric!Copy !req
10. I know, Butters. I know.
Don't do it to me.Copy !req
11. It's too funny.
- But I just did a six-sevenCopy !req
12. with Annie and Megan
at the same time!Copy !req
13. Yeah, five minutes ago
I snuck up on WendyCopy !req
14. and totally six-seven'd
her from behind.Copy !req
15. - Wow!
- Hey, Scott.Copy !req
16. How's your diabetes, man?Copy !req
17. - My diabetes?
- Yeah, what's your A1C at?Copy !req
18. 6.7.Copy !req
19. Six-seven!Copy !req
20. Oh, my God.Copy !req
21. So fucking funny.Copy !req
22. All right, everyone,
listen up.Copy !req
23. I've gotten a lot of reports
of disruptions in the classroomCopy !req
24. and some satanic numerology
shit going on.Copy !req
25. So I want to remind you this is
a Power Christian school,Copy !req
26. and I am
a Power Christian Principal,Copy !req
27. and we will be PC!Copy !req
28. So now I want you to hear
from someoneCopy !req
29. who is the highest authority
on Biblical prophecies.Copy !req
30. This person is an absolute
expert on the end of daysCopy !req
31. and the coming
of the Antichrist.Copy !req
32. Please welcome Mr. Pete Thiel.Copy !req
33. Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel,
and I'm here to talk to youCopy !req
34. about the Antichrist!Copy !req
35. OK, so first,
what is the Antichrist?Copy !req
36. The Antichrist is a newer,
more human form of SatanCopy !req
37. that will soon walk the Earth.Copy !req
38. We don't know how soon
it will walk the Earth,Copy !req
39. but it could be within
the next six to seven weeks.Copy !req
40. Six-seven!Copy !req
41. Uh, kay.Copy !req
42. Uh, you see,
Satan was a fallen angelCopy !req
43. and God punished him,Copy !req
44. and to make sure that Satan
could never have offspring,Copy !req
45. the Lord God did shrink
Satan's assholeCopy !req
46. to the size
of a tiny, little pinholeCopy !req
47. so nothing could ever penetrate
and ejaculate inside of it.Copy !req
48. So Satan could never
have a butt baby untilCopy !req
49. along came Mr. Donald Trunp,Copy !req
50. whose penis is so teeny,
teeny tinyCopy !req
51. it could actually fit
in Satan's asshole.Copy !req
52. How small is
Donald Trump's penis?Copy !req
53. Somewhere between six and seven
centimeters.Copy !req
54. Six-seven!Copy !req
55. Hey, look, this is very
important, people.Copy !req
56. OK, the Antichrist is coming.Copy !req
57. The Bible refers to the eagle,
which refers to America,Copy !req
58. the fourth seal broken,
and hell coming to Earth.Copy !req
59. It's right here
in Revelations 6...Copy !req
60. six-seven.Copy !req
61. Six-seven!Copy !req
62. Good, and breathe in
through your nose.Copy !req
63. And out through your mouth.Copy !req
64. In—two, three four.Copy !req
65. And exhale—two, three, four.Copy !req
66. Good.
Let your shoulders soften.Copy !req
67. Let your jaw relax.Copy !req
68. Now gentle pressure on the hips
as your partner exhales.Copy !req
69. Good.Copy !req
70. This is so boring!Copy !req
71. How about you shut up
and do your job?Copy !req
72. Ah, come on, Satan!Copy !req
73. How about we just go home
and fuck?Copy !req
74. We haven't had sex in forever.Copy !req
75. That's because it's bad
for the baby.Copy !req
76. Yeah, but fuck the baby.
This is stupid!Copy !req
77. Did you just say
"fuck the baby"?Copy !req
78. Hey, relax, guy.Copy !req
79. I didn't mean like
really fuck the baby!Copy !req
80. No, you know what?
You can just go home.Copy !req
81. I'll finish this myself.Copy !req
82. You can go home
and jack off if you want.Copy !req
83. Perfect.Copy !req
84. Hello, boss!Copy !req
85. Ah! Shit!Copy !req
86. Good news, boss,Copy !req
87. we just shut down
another abortion clinic.Copy !req
88. Oh, yeah, great.
That's great.Copy !req
89. Yes, boss.Copy !req
90. You've made all the Christians
so happy.Copy !req
91. Of course, there is still
one more clinicCopy !req
92. that will still perform
abortionsCopy !req
93. right here in town.Copy !req
94. - There is?
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
95. How unfortunate
that some babiesCopy !req
96. will not be able to be born.Copy !req
97. As Christians, we can't allow
this to continue.Copy !req
98. Perhaps you should go speakCopy !req
99. with this abortion doctor
personally.Copy !req
100. Yeah. Yeah!Copy !req
101. Come on.Copy !req
102. PC Principal,
do you have a minute?Copy !req
103. Sure, Jesus.
What do you need?Copy !req
104. I'm starting to wonder
if I really fit in here.Copy !req
105. Course you fit in.Copy !req
106. This school's been a cesspool
of heathen left-wingCopy !req
107. little bitches, and only our
faith is gonna set them right.Copy !req
108. Could I ask exactlyCopy !req
109. what branch of Christianity
are you?Copy !req
110. The kind that
loves his countryCopy !req
111. and doesn't tolerate
any fucking fags.Copy !req
112. Yeah, see, I-I really think
I don't belong here.Copy !req
113. Look, I understand
it's a tough transition.Copy !req
114. You know,
the vice principal hereCopy !req
115. had the same conflict as you,
but she's really come around.Copy !req
116. The vice principal?
Your wife?Copy !req
117. That's right.Copy !req
118. Can you send in Strong
Christian Woman, please?Copy !req
119. She was saying this wasn't
the place for her anymore,Copy !req
120. but just this last weekend,
she converted to Christianity.Copy !req
121. You wanted to see me?Copy !req
122. Yeah, Strong Christian Woman,
I was just telling JesusCopy !req
123. here about our faith.Copy !req
124. Oh, yes, it's been
such a blessing.Copy !req
125. She converted on Saturday.
What do you think, huh?Copy !req
126. You ever seen a more Christian
chick in your fucking life?Copy !req
127. Never.Copy !req
128. Look,
I know it's a hard adjustment,Copy !req
129. but just stick with it,Copy !req
130. and you're gonna fit in here
just fine, Jesus.Copy !req
131. Everything go good at school
today, honey?Copy !req
132. Yep, yep. School was good.Copy !req
133. School was pretty good.Copy !req
134. Is everything OK, honey?Copy !req
135. Yeah. Everything's fine.Copy !req
136. It's fine.Copy !req
137. Mom? Uh, could I—
could I ask you something?Copy !req
138. Sure, Eric.Copy !req
139. Do you know, um—Copy !req
140. do you know on average,Copy !req
141. um, at what age kids
lose their baby teeth?Copy !req
142. Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.Copy !req
143. I guess usually around
six, seven?Copy !req
144. OK.Copy !req
145. Eric, what?Copy !req
146. No, nothing. Nothing.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
147. I'm sorry.Copy !req
148. I was just, uh—
I was just, um—Copy !req
149. I was just thinking about
your menstrual cycle.Copy !req
150. My menstrual cycle?Copy !req
151. Yeah, I was just wonderingCopy !req
152. when you actual menstruate,
Mom.Copy !req
153. Like, roughly, how many days
does that last?Copy !req
154. Well, Eric,
it's usually aroundCopy !req
155. six to seven days
that a woman—Copy !req
156. Oh. Oh.Copy !req
157. Eric? Sweetie?Copy !req
158. Eric, what is going on?
This keeps happening.Copy !req
159. Mom, Mom,
you gotta tell me something.Copy !req
160. Of course, honey.Copy !req
161. Roughly how many nights—Copy !req
162. have I been throwing up
at dinner?Copy !req
163. I-I don't know, Eric.Copy !req
164. It's probably been
six or seven nights—Copy !req
165. Hey, Jesus,
get your stuff, man.Copy !req
166. We're going out for drinks.
- What?Copy !req
167. Look,
I know it's been hard for youCopy !req
168. trying to adjust here
and everything,Copy !req
169. so the wife and I were talkingCopy !req
170. and we found
a nice Christian ladyCopy !req
171. we're gonna set you up with.Copy !req
172. Oh, I don't think so.
Thanks, but—Copy !req
173. Oh, come on, man.
She's a really great woman,Copy !req
174. and she just converted
to Christianity.Copy !req
175. My wife met her at the same
place that she became Christian.Copy !req
176. So then I was like,
"You know what?Copy !req
177. I need a new direction
in my life.Copy !req
178. It's like I just got so sick of
everyone being such a pussyCopy !req
179. all the time,
and all this woke garbageCopy !req
180. and women trying to be men.Copy !req
181. So I just started reading
the Bible, you know?Copy !req
182. I mean, I didn't actually
read the Bible,Copy !req
183. but I listened to
a lot of podcasts.Copy !req
184. And once I went through
my transition, I was like,Copy !req
185. "This is great,"Copy !req
186. only now, guys are always
checking out my Christianity.Copy !req
187. Sorry,
could you all excuse me?Copy !req
188. I need to go to the bathroom.Copy !req
189. Sure thing, Jesus.Copy !req
190. He seems nice.Copy !req
191. Miss Davidson?Copy !req
192. Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?Copy !req
193. Oh, yeah, that's me!Copy !req
194. I'm Coco Slutty Davidson.Copy !req
195. I'm just here
to get an abortion.Copy !req
196. The doctor's right in here...
ma'am.Copy !req
197. Hey, doc!Copy !req
198. All right, listen,Copy !req
199. I need you to perform an
abortion, but it's not for me.Copy !req
200. It's for my partner.Copy !req
201. And you can't tell anyone,Copy !req
202. not even my partner.Copy !req
203. How am I supposed to do that?Copy !req
204. Well, you're gonna come
with me, see,Copy !req
205. and we're gonna sneak
into my house,Copy !req
206. and you're gonna suck that thing
out while everyone's asleep.Copy !req
207. You house wouldn't happen
to be white, would it?Copy !req
208. Hey! How do you know that?Copy !req
209. Look, Mr. President,
I've seen the news.Copy !req
210. If you got Satan pregnant,
that's your responsibility.Copy !req
211. Well, it's your
responsibility now!Copy !req
212. Or else I'll sue you,
how about that?Copy !req
213. Even if I wanted
to help you, sir,Copy !req
214. I have no idea
how to perform an abortionCopy !req
215. on the offspring of Satan.Copy !req
216. To do that, you'd need some kind
of expert on the Antichrist.Copy !req
217. All right, listen,Copy !req
218. you people have a very serious
problem here.Copy !req
219. Your students appear to be in
some kind of cultCopy !req
220. involving the numbers six
and seven.Copy !req
221. All right,
so what should we do?Copy !req
222. I'm going to need access to
all your school's private data—Copy !req
223. school records, health records,
and of course,Copy !req
224. all security cameras.Copy !req
225. Oh, no, look,
I don't think we need it—Copy !req
226. Is this really
what we've come to?Copy !req
227. Freely handing people's
personal data overCopy !req
228. to some tech billionaire
preaching shit about the Bible?Copy !req
229. You got a problem with Jesus, bro?Copy !req
230. Come on, man, you became a
Christian like three months ago.Copy !req
231. Yeah,
I've got fucking faith, dude!Copy !req
232. What do you have,
you little bitch?Copy !req
233. You wanna throw down, bro?Copy !req
234. OK, hey, hey, hey—Copy !req
235. You wanna see what it feels
like to talk shitCopy !req
236. about Christians, dude?Copy !req
237. I'll kick your heathen ass,
bro!Copy !req
238. All right, just try
to be still, Eric.Copy !req
239. Doctor,
could I ask a question?Copy !req
240. Of course.Copy !req
241. About how long—Copy !req
242. do you need me to be still?Copy !req
243. Just about ten seconds, Eric.Copy !req
244. OK.Copy !req
245. So how long now?Copy !req
246. Just another six, seven
seconds, Eric—Copy !req
247. I'm sorry, Mrs. Cartman,
but we can't pinpointCopy !req
248. the source of his illness.Copy !req
249. If he continues to vomit
this much daily,Copy !req
250. I'm afraid it could be
life threatening.Copy !req
251. But, doctor,Copy !req
252. if I'm not able
to keep any food down,Copy !req
253. roughly how long would it take—Copy !req
254. roughly how long would it take
for the human body to die?Copy !req
255. Eric, I'm gonna be very honest
with you.Copy !req
256. Without sufficient nutrients,Copy !req
257. the body shuts down
after six to seven weeks.Copy !req
258. Excuse me, that's my computer.Copy !req
259. Yes. And your computer
has all the personal dataCopy !req
260. of the students here.
- It's OK, Jesus,Copy !req
261. Peter Thiel knows
what he's doing.Copy !req
262. I've downloaded all
the students' informationCopy !req
263. and loaded them into an
AI face detection programCopy !req
264. so the school's security cameras
can watch their every move.Copy !req
265. Now look.Copy !req
266. Two students passing each other
in the hallway.Copy !req
267. They give each other the sign—
six, seven.Copy !req
268. Exactly 67 seconds later,Copy !req
269. this odd parka-wearing child
makes the same gesture.Copy !req
270. And then
inside the girls bathroom,Copy !req
271. two girls doing the same thing.Copy !req
272. Wait, why is there a camera
inside the girls bathroom?Copy !req
273. To stop the Antichrist.Copy !req
274. Now I'm following the lead
on this girl here.Copy !req
275. She went home
to 67 Mala Vista Drive.Copy !req
276. Going through her family's
medical records,Copy !req
277. I found that her father has
testicular cancerCopy !req
278. and 67 days ago,
had one testicle removed.Copy !req
279. That really feels like
none of our business.Copy !req
280. I don't know how
I'm supposed to workCopy !req
281. with Nosy Nancy peering over
my shoulder all the time.Copy !req
282. Jesus, let's you and me
have a quick chin wiggleCopy !req
283. out in the hall.Copy !req
284. I'm getting close.Copy !req
285. I almost have the key
to stop it from happening.Copy !req
286. We are running out of time,
Mr. Thiel.Copy !req
287. The Antichrist is coming.Copy !req
288. Satan is shopping for
baby strollers as we speak.Copy !req
289. If I'm going to learn
what these numbers mean,Copy !req
290. I'm going to need access to
every government database.Copy !req
291. You will have it, Mr. Thiel.Copy !req
292. Nothing is more important
than making sureCopy !req
293. this baby is not born.Copy !req
294. Look, man, I know it's tough,Copy !req
295. but you gotta understand
that drastic timesCopy !req
296. call for drastic measures.Copy !req
297. I just don't feel good about
treating people this way.Copy !req
298. I think the most important thing
still has to be lovingCopy !req
299. and respecting each other.Copy !req
300. All right, man,
I need to ask you somethingCopy !req
301. and I need you
to tell me the truth.Copy !req
302. Are you a fag?Copy !req
303. No. That has nothing to do
with it. It just—Copy !req
304. Are you fucking sure?Copy !req
305. I'm just trying to say that
I'm really confused right now.Copy !req
306. OK, but confused like you
don't know if you're attractedCopy !req
307. to dudes, or like what?Copy !req
308. Like how we can just change
everything about who we are.Copy !req
309. I think you still
just don't understandCopy !req
310. what Christians today
are about.Copy !req
311. Come on. There's someone I think
you should talk to.Copy !req
312. Oh, yes, the Antichrist!Copy !req
313. I've listened to a lot
of podcasts about that.Copy !req
314. Everyone keeps saying
how the Antichrist is coming,Copy !req
315. but I'm like "He already did!Copy !req
316. I was married to him in 2018!"Copy !req
317. But seriously, if he saw
how Christian I was now,Copy !req
318. he'd probably shit his pants.Copy !req
319. Don't be jealous.Copy !req
320. He's so funny.Copy !req
321. Hey.Copy !req
322. Hey, Satan.Copy !req
323. - Hello, boss.
- Ah! Fuck! Shit!Copy !req
324. Oh, sorry, boss.Copy !req
325. I did not know
Satan was sleeping.Copy !req
326. Yeah, that's all he ever does
anymore.Copy !req
327. Poor boss.Copy !req
328. If you're going to jack off,
shall I fetch your cum rag?Copy !req
329. Hey! I wasn't jacking off!Copy !req
330. Sure thing, boss.Copy !req
331. I'll go get your cum rag.Copy !req
332. What is taking you so long?Copy !req
333. I'm very close to finding
the secret of the numbers.Copy !req
334. I've narrowed it down
to one little boyCopy !req
335. who seems more possessed
than the others.Copy !req
336. Then deal with him,Copy !req
337. and keep it quiet.Copy !req
338. Nobody can know
that we are working together.Copy !req
339. When I become president,Copy !req
340. I will give you full access
to everyone's data.Copy !req
341. I've already spoken
with the mother,Copy !req
342. and I'm on my way now
to face the child.Copy !req
343. Is your son home?Copy !req
344. Yes, Mr. Thiel.Copy !req
345. He's right upstairs.Copy !req
346. Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.Copy !req
347. I'm here to help our country.Copy !req
348. Uh, OK.Copy !req
349. I came to see you...Copy !req
350. in an Uber, Eric.Copy !req
351. Would you like to know how
long it took me to get here?Copy !req
352. How long?Copy !req
353. It took...Copy !req
354. around six or seven minutes.
I'm not really—Copy !req
355. No way! No way!Copy !req
356. You know, they're all just
a bunch of libtards anyways.Copy !req
357. I know what's up.
I listen to podcasts.Copy !req
358. You wanna know who I think
the Antichrist is?Copy !req
359. Greta Thunberg.Copy !req
360. With her stupid haircut
and her dumb bangs.Copy !req
361. Someone should yank out
whatever's up her ass.Copy !req
362. I can't.Copy !req
363. I just can't!Copy !req
364. Everything all right, bud?Copy !req
365. No, everything's
not all right!Copy !req
366. I don't know what
I'm doing here!Copy !req
367. You're trying to get with
the program, bro!Copy !req
368. Peggy Rockbottom is
a hot Christian girl,Copy !req
369. now stop acting gay!Copy !req
370. Look, I don't know what
you think Christianity is,Copy !req
371. but it has nothing to do
with that.Copy !req
372. What are you saying?Copy !req
373. I'm saying that you
and a lot of other peopleCopy !req
374. seem to have a very warped sense
of what Christianity is.Copy !req
375. Are you questioning my faith?Copy !req
376. You wanna fucking go?Copy !req
377. No, I don't want
to fucking go.Copy !req
378. - You got a problem, bro?
- No, I don't have a problem.Copy !req
379. You actually have a problem.Copy !req
380. You need a way to bully peopleCopy !req
381. and you're using the Bible
to do it.Copy !req
382. You like that?
Yeah! You want some more?Copy !req
383. I'm not gonna fight you!Copy !req
384. Damn right you won't, 'cause
you're a gay little pussy!Copy !req
385. Yeah, don't come back!Copy !req
386. You're gonna get some more,
bitch!Copy !req
387. Tell me what it means!Copy !req
388. The Lord labored six daysCopy !req
389. and on the seventh, He rested!Copy !req
390. You will tell me
the significance!Copy !req
391. There's nothing more
I can do here.Copy !req
392. I have to take him
to Washington D.C.Copy !req
393. Washington?
Oh, no, he can't travel now.Copy !req
394. He's very sick.Copy !req
395. Your son is the key to saving
our country, Ms. Cartman.Copy !req
396. Everything we hold dear
could end.Copy !req
397. We have to unlock the secrets
he holds,Copy !req
398. no matter what it takes.Copy !req
399. Fuck yeah, Jesus!Copy !req
400. Let's fucking go, bro!Copy !req
401. Yes, baby! Yes!Copy !req