1. All right, this is no sweat.
If we leave right after school...
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2. we should make it to
Jackie's ski cabin by, like, 6:00.
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3. Man, I can't wait.
A trip to my favorite place.
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4. Anywhere but here.
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5. And I'm betting that
Alpine Valley is gonna give the kid...
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6. many make-out opportunities
with Donna this weekend.
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7. - The kid is in.
- What's with the whole "kid" thing?
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8. It's cool.
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9. It's not cool?
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10. Not cool. Dorky.
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11. Guess who made out with
Pam Macy behind the gym?
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12. Everyone.
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13. No!
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14. Me!
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15. Kelso, a lot of people
hang out behind the gym.
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16. Yeah, that's what's so great about it.
Everybody saw it!
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17. That's great, man.
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18. Yeah. Because now everybody
can tell Jackie, you moron.
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19. Then she's gonna dump you
and we won't be able to go up...
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20. - to her ski cabin.
- She's never gonna find out.
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21. You are a dog, Michael, a dirty, dirty dog!
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22. - What did I do?
- You kissed Pam Macy.
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23. I trusted you, Michael, and now
all my friends are laughing at me.
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24. I can't even show my face
in the third floor bathroom anymore.
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25. And that's the cool bathroom.
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26. - But, I...
- No, Michael. We're through.
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27. Okay. If that's the way you want it,
we're through.
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28. And Monday, when we get back
from that ski trip, it's over.
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29. No, Michael, no.
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30. You won't be skiing this weekend.
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31. That's just great, Jackie.
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32. Cancel the ski trip
and disappoint all our friends.
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33. No. We are still going.
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34. They're surely not going without me.
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35. Right, guys?
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36. And did I mention
my parents are not coming...
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37. so it'll be just us?
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38. So, we'll see you Monday!
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39. Hanging out
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40. Down the street
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41. The same old thing
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42. We did last week
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43. Not a thing to do
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44. But talk to you
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45. Whoa, yeah
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46. Hello, Wisconsin!
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47. So, Eric's going away for the weekend.
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48. Whole house to ourselves.
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49. You know what that means?
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50. Dinner in front of the TV.
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51. No.
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52. You dog.
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53. Now, Eric,
you're gonna be driving in snow...
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54. so I'll put together
an emergency roadside kit for you.
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55. - In case you run into trouble.
- Okay, that'd be great.
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56. Preparation makes all the
difference, Eric. Take kitty litter.
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57. I can't tell you how many times
kitty litter got me out of a tight spot.
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58. I remember one time in the '70s.
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59. Oh, my God, Eric.
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60. Oh. It's a road flare.
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61. A road flare can save your life.
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62. I said, "A road flare can save your life."
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63. What? Check. Great. Road flare. Right.
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64. Okay, now, good. How was school today?
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65. Okay, you know my PE Teacher,
Coach Wilson?
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66. He had this crusty stuff
in the corner of his lip.
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67. So Kelso says to him...
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68. "Coach, check out that crusty stuff..."
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69. Last week, the coach...
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70. Dad?
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71. Dad, are you even listening?
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72. Of course I'm listening.
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73. And you know what I'm hearing?
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74. You need to buckle down.
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75. I've told you over and over again
that school is so important.
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76. What you do now determines...
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77. Red, that is so good.
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78. Right there.
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79. That hasn't been touched in years.
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80. Donna, man, I brought
my double sleeping bag. You know?
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81. Great. Can Eric and I borrow it?
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82. Hyde, watching you fail over and over...
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83. it is like Charlie Brown and the football.
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84. Yeah, man, I just don't get it.
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85. No, because Eric already has it.
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86. Hey.
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87. Hey, Kelso.
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88. Look, I just wanna make sure we're cool.
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89. 'Cause this weekend is, like,
really important for me and Donna.
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90. So, thanks for understanding.
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91. Yeah. I understand.
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92. I understand that
we're not friends anymore.
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93. Look, man, you brought this on yourself.
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94. I know I did,
but that's no reason for me to suffer.
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95. No, that is a great reason for you to suffer.
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96. - I'm going.
- Fine. Go. See if I care.
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97. Come on, Eric. Come on, man.
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98. - Here's your emergency roadside kit.
- Kitty litter?
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99. Kitty litter. Right.
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100. Honey, I put some sandwiches
in your duffel bag.
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101. Now why do you need
such a big bag of oregano?
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102. Donna's Italian.
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103. Okay, stay warm.
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104. Okay, I see what's going on.
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105. You're not really going skiing.
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106. This is all just a gag.
You're trying to get me all worked up...
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107. so you can go, "Just kidding, buddy!"
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108. Yeah, you got me.
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109. That's a nice burn.
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110. It sure is.
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111. Bye-bye.
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112. He's not going.
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113. He'll be back.
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114. Any second now. He's probably
just going around the block.
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115. I gotta hand it to him, he got me there.
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116. That's a major burn.
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117. Yup.
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118. There he is. I knew it!
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119. No, that's not him.
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120. I have never seen snow before.
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121. It is so beautiful.
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122. Do you know what
the best part of this whole trip is?
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123. That Michael is not here.
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124. He'd just be sitting here telling me
how cute I look in my fur-trimmed coat.
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125. I know I look cute.
I don't need him here for that.
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126. Forman, man,
what's all this crap that Red gave you?
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127. I don't know.
He's obsessed with kitty litter.
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128. I think he might be going insane.
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129. Far out.
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130. What the hell was that?
I don't know. I guess we hit some ice.
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131. Great, we're stuck.
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132. Look, I made my first snowball.
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133. I love snow so much,
my fingers are numb with joy.
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134. That's frostbite, Fez.
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135. How rude.
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136. I hate your white man's winter.
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137. Get in the car, Fez.
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138. Eric, do something.
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139. Yeah, man, stop goofing around.
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140. It's freezing.
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141. This is awful. We're all going to die...
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142. and I love Michael.
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143. Shut up!
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144. Okay, think, Eric, think.
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145. Why kitty litter?
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146. Use the gum, Eric.
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147. Dad? What're you doing here?
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148. I'm not here. You're imagining me.
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149. Now who's insane, Mr. Smartmouth?
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150. I guess I am.
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151. Use the gum to stick the candle in the can.
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152. The candle heats the can,
which melts the snow behind the tire.
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153. Then pour on the kitty litter for traction.
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154. Now you think you can handle that?
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155. - Yes, sir.
- Good.
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156. Because you don't want me back out here.
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157. I may be a figment of your imagination...
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158. I'm still freezing my ass off.
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159. Michael, what are you doing down here?
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160. You know what?
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161. I think Eric actually went.
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162. What a jerk.
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163. Why don't you just go to Jackie's cabin
and talk to him?
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164. I can't, I don't have a car.
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165. Besides, Jackie hates me forever
'cause I kissed Pam Macy.
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166. You know, when Mr. Forman
and I were dating...
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167. I saw him kissing a girl
in a movie theater once...
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168. and I forgave him.
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169. You forgave him for kissing another girl?
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170. Yes, sir.
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171. I mean it wasn't so much kissing...
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172. as it was a groping...
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173. sloppy, pawing, nibbling nightmare.
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174. But you forgave him.
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175. Yeah. I forgave the bastard.
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176. Cool!
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177. Okay. Candles, check.
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178. Chianti, check.
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179. Fancy nut mix, check.
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180. And how's my pretty lady?
You are so full of crap.
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181. Hello there.
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182. Thanks for stopping.
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183. Are you going all the way to Alpine Valley?
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184. I'm going wherever you're going.
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185. Wow. That's lucky.
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186. So tell me, did it hurt?
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187. What?
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188. When you fell down from heaven.
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189. No, I'm fine.
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190. All right, we made it!
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191. Yeah, just in time.
That storm was getting nasty.
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192. I am so cold.
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193. The snow has stolen my manhood.
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194. There's only one bedroom.
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195. It was gonna be for Michael and I,
but since our love is...
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196. Dead...
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197. you two should take it.
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198. All right. Want to go check out our room?
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199. Definitely.
Where are you guys going?
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200. I thought we were gonna hang the...
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201. I am freezing.
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202. The winter in my country is 70 degrees.
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203. We must hold each other for warmth.
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204. Stop touching me!
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205. But I am going to die!
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206. Okay, Fez, amaretto.
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207. You know what, man?
This'll warm you right up.
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208. Take a sip of that.
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209. Yum, liquid candy.
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210. Kitty, you're talking about something
that happened over 20 years ago.
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211. And there you were at the movies,
in front of God and everybody...
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212. slurping on horse face Lyn Taylor
like she was a Popsicle.
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213. Kitty...
A big, easy, horse-faced Popsicle.
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214. Horse face?
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215. She was a runner-up
in the Miss Wisconsin pageant.
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216. Which she lost
because she was such a horse face.
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217. Thanks for the burger.
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218. And the hat.
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219. I just like to see that smile.
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220. You seem kinda down
about your friend Eric.
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221. Yeah.
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222. It's just, you know,
he's always been there for me.
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223. Like when people used to call me dumb...
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224. he'd say, "He's not as dumb as you think."
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225. People don't like to talk about it...
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226. but guy-to-guy relationships
are pretty special, you know?
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227. They can be the most beautiful thing
in the world.
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228. I don't know why I do this stuff.
It's just, like...
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229. I get these urges,
you know, and I can't control them.
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230. Shoot, I wrote that country song.
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231. I've been cheated
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232. Been mistreated
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233. When will I be loved
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234. That's probably just Jackie crying.
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235. Yeah.
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236. All right, that's too much.
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237. Can you please go out there
and break that record?
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238. What's going on?
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239. "Spy vs. Spy," man,
they kill me.
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240. No, with her.
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241. She seems upset or something.
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242. Okay, look, where's Fez?
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243. Fez? He killed that
entire bottle of amaretto...
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244. and then he ran outside,
saying he had to make a snow angel.
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245. But he was in his underwear.
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246. Look, you either need to
go get Fez or console Jackie.
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247. All right, I'll take Donna.
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248. - Jackie.
- Yeah. Jackie.
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249. Okay.
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250. Yeah, okay, I can see you're upset.
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251. Now, listen, all right?
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252. If it's any consolation...
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253. Pam Macy would give it up to anybody.
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254. What do you know? We're all alone.
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255. God, Hyde, you can be such a jerk,
you know that?
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256. - Come on, I'm just goofing around.
- No, you're not.
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257. Look, I'm up here with Eric. All right?
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258. - Get it? Not you.
- I know, okay?
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259. Look, do you think I like hitting
on my best friend's girlfriend?
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260. I don't.
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261. But I look at you,
I mean, look at you.
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262. I can't help it.
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263. You better.
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264. It's so clear to me now.
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265. I can't just go around
using people as my sexual playthings.
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266. You know what I mean, Gus?
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267. 'Cause people's feelings
are way more important...
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268. than those sexual urges.
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269. You're good people, son.
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270. You, too, man.
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271. This is where you get off.
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272. And one more thing. Next time, take
a bus. You're too pretty to hitch.
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273. Thanks, man.
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274. Bye, Gus.
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275. Fez!
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276. Hey, man.
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277. - Kelso. You're here.
- Yeah. I got a ride with the nicest guy.
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278. Listen, I had a lot of time
to think on the way up here.
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279. And, I'm sorry.
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280. Yeah, I'm sorry.
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281. I should never have come up here
without you, man.
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282. I am a winter nymph.
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283. I love the snow.
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284. Hooray America!
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285. Michael!
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286. You walked all the way here in a
driving snowstorm just to be with me...
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287. didn't you, Michael?
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288. And you would never
ever do that for Pam Macy, would you?
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289. No?
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290. Lover.
You know it.
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291. Could one of you guys put his pants on?
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292. Kitty, this can't just be
about me and Lyn Taylor.
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293. - What's really bothering you?
- Okay.
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294. I just want to know why not me?
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295. Why not you what? I married you.
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296. Yeah, but when we were dating,
you just sat there.
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297. You held my hand politely.
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298. Didn't you think that I might
enjoy a passionate manhandling...
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299. in a public place?
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300. I respected you.
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301. I'm an old-fashioned guy.
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302. I don't think that you should grope
and maul the one you love.
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303. Until you get to Florida...
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304. at the Fontainebleau...
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305. with the door locked
and a carton of cigarettes.
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306. Red, our honeymoon.
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307. Let's go upstairs.
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308. No. Let's go to the movies.
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309. Here we are.
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310. Yep.
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311. So, I still can't believe...
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312. that Kelso cheated on Jackie
with Pam Macy.
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313. I mean, that is just
a seriously uncool move.
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314. Yeah.
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315. I mean, to risk everything for...
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316. Eric, I would never do that to you.
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317. You can trust me.
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318. Really?
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319. Absolutely.
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320. I would never kiss Pam Macy
behind the gym.
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321. Never say never, Donna.
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322. This night turned out okay.
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323. Pretty romantic.
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324. Yeah, it's just how I imagined it.
Just you and me...
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325. I do not feel too good.
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326. Thank you.
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327. Okay, maybe it's not just how I imagined.
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328. Cover your ears,
this part gets pretty gross.
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