1. Forman, man. It's a tiny, little scratch.
And Red's never gonna see it.
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2. No, Red sees everything.
He sees when I put cheap gas in the car.
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3. I got it.
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4. We'll put my "gas, grass, or ass"
bumper sticker over it.
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5. Listen, Forman, whatever happens,
we'll all take the rap.
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6. Yeah.
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7. How'd you scratch the car, Eric?
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8. Have fun. Later.
See you, Forman.
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9. Well?
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10. Well...
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11. Sir, I was pulling out of this parking space.
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12. Creeping is more like it. I was creeping...
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13. You were screwing around,
backed into a hydrant.
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14. - I see the paint marks.
- No!
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15. And by "no," I mean "exactly."
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16. Yeah, but it wasn't my fault, sir.
Kelso was giving me a...
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17. A what?
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18. Kelso was giving me a purple nurple.
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19. It's when you grab
somebody's nipple through their shirt...
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20. and twist it really hard...
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21. until it becomes purple.
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22. Give me the keys.
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23. Dad, I...
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24. Your driving privileges are suspended
until you learn some responsibility.
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25. - Dad, I'm very responsible.
- No, you're not.
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26. Responsible people don't go around
getting their nipples twisted.
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27. See, when you say it though,
it just sounds weird.
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28. Hanging out
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29. Down the street
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30. The same old thing
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31. We did last week
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32. Not a thing to do
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33. But talk to you
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34. Whoa, yeah
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35. Hello, Wisconsin!
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36. Love!
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37. Oh, my God.
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38. "Hair Do's and Don'ts
of Olympic Gold Medalists."
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39. Oh, my God, is that Dorothy Hamill?
She's a virgin.
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40. Speaking of...
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41. You know, those girls at school
who do it, like, all the time?
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42. Yeah.
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43. All right, is it just me,
or do they seem more relaxed?
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44. Hi.
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45. What are you guys doing?
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46. They are talking about sex.
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47. Come on, Fez,
chicks don't talk about sex, man.
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48. It's dirty.
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49. Yes, we do.
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50. Especially when it involves
Michael Kelso, my dreamboat.
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51. Great. Now we have to talk about
Jackie and Kelso's sex life.
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52. This is my worst nightmare.
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53. All right, you know what?
Before you guys got here...
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54. Jackie and I were actually
having a pretty good time.
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55. I know. I was surprised, too.
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56. - Donna, you wanna go to my house?
- You know what? Okay.
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57. - So what do you guys wanna do?
- We could walk to The Hub.
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58. Too far.
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59. - We could walk to...
- Too far.
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60. Man, this sucks.
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61. I just can't believe
that Red took away my car...
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62. because of one stupid little scratch.
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63. I know, man.
Who would think Red would overreact?
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64. I did.
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65. I have noticed Red is a real hard-ass.
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66. One toe over the line,
sweet Jesus, you are clobbered.
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67. You know what I'm saying?
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68. Hey, guys. Check it out.
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69. Did you get a car?
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70. Yeah. My cousin Sully
loaned me his wheels.
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71. Yes.
So where to?
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72. You just want to hang?
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73. - Yeah.
- Cool.
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74. Snookums?
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75. Yes, Pookie?
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76. Do you want turkey or tuna sandwiches
tonight for dinner?
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77. Tonight? Tonight's meatloaf night.
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78. Right, but I have my class...
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79. at the community college
in Kenosha tonight.
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80. - I told you about it last week.
- You most certainly did not.
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81. Yes, I did, remember?
You were watching Baretta.
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82. Midge, you can't tell me anything
while I'm watching Baretta.
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83. It's complicated.
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84. Bob, I've been telling you for months
how I've needed to expand my mind.
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85. Is this about jewelry?
'Cause I'll buy you jewelry.
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86. No, sweetie.
It's about me becoming a whole person.
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87. Midgie, don't take this the wrong way,
but that's just stupid.
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88. I don't think it's your decision.
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89. I'm the man of the house...
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90. and I say you're not going
to community college.
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91. You can't tell me what to do, you big ass!
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92. What are we looking at?
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93. That scratch.
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94. What scratch?
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95. The scratch that Eric put in the car.
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96. I got most of it out
with rubbing compound...
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97. but you should have seen it before.
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98. It was a doozy.
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99. That must have been quite an accident.
Was he killed?
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100. See, that's where
his smart mouth comes from.
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101. Driver safety is serious business, Kitty.
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102. You're right, Red.
We should teach him a lesson.
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103. So when he comes home,
I'll hold him down...
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104. and you burn him with a cigarette.
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105. Just so you know, Donna, when I
finally decide to do it with Michael...
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106. I have the whole thing planned out.
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107. First...
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108. I'll be wearing a very sexy Renoir.
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109. Don't you mean peignoir?
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110. Yeah, okay, whatever.
Stop ruining this, Donna.
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111. Okay.
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112. And then
there'll be candles everywhere.
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113. And also, there'll be a gigantic banner.
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114. And then Michael will come in.
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115. And the wind will be blowing...
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116. and then we will have
the most magical night of our lives.
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117. So, if you have it all planned out...
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118. why are you still waiting?
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119. I want it to be really special.
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120. I mean,
how could it not with a gigantic banner?
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121. Exactly.
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122. Bob doesn't want me to take this class,
but it sounds so exciting.
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123. It's all about female empowerment.
It's called, "The Woman Warrior:
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124. "Fighting Female Stereotypes."
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125. That's the professor. Isn't he cute?
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126. Darling.
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127. So you want to come?
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128. I can't say I'm not tempted.
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129. Yes, I can. I'm not tempted.
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130. Don't you want to become
an empowered woman?
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131. You know, I just... I don't have time
to be an empowered woman.
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132. I'm too busy running this household.
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133. You're so lucky, Kitty. You have it all.
A great family and a great career.
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134. How did you talk Red into
letting you work?
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135. Okay, well, one day we sat down,
we did all our bills...
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136. and we realized we were
going to lose the house.
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137. This backseat sucks.
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138. Plus it's too small.
Fez's leg is touching mine.
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139. No. Your leg is touching mine.
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140. I shouldn't even be in the back seat.
You know, I should be driving my own car.
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141. The reason you're not
driving your own car, Forman...
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142. is because you're irresponsible,
and you scratched it.
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143. Yeah. That's a good one.
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144. I'm trying to drive the car here, man!
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145. No. Put it back, I like that song.
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146. Pipe down, now, back seat Charlie.
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147. All right.
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148. The back seat sucks.
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149. Welcome to my sad little world.
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150. When you
drive home tonight...
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151. please remember to drive carefully.
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152. Great, no pickles. Now we gotta go back.
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153. Shut up!
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154. Why does Sully have a statue
of the Virgin Mary on his dashboard?
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155. Maybe he's, like, religious or something.
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156. Wasn't Sully in prison for arson?
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157. Yeah.
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158. People who burn stuff
believe in God, too, Hyde.
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159. Why does his key chain say, "I love Bingo"?
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160. Sully must love Bingo.
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161. All right, I'm starting to think
that maybe this isn't Sully's car.
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162. Then whose car is it?
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163. Yeah
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164. This is great. I'm dead.
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165. When we were in my car,
and I was running the show...
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166. I don't remember
one single time we all got arrested.
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167. That's true.
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168. Eric, will you just relax?
We're all in trouble here.
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169. No.
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170. We're not all in trouble here.
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171. Your parents have seven kids.
They won't even notice you're gone.
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172. Your parents don't even
live in this country.
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173. And your mom, probably one cell over.
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174. So, that just leaves me.
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175. I'm the only one
who's really in trouble here.
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176. Look, Forman, I'll be
in as much trouble as you as are...
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177. as soon as Edna sobers up.
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178. I will be deported.
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179. They're gonna send me back to my
homeland, the beautiful island of...
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180. Okay, who's the ringleader here?
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181. He is.
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182. - You get one phone call.
- To anywhere?
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183. One local phone call.
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184. So who should we call?
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185. I'd call Red, but I feel safer in jail.
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186. I don't know my phone number.
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187. I can't call Edna, man. It's poker night.
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188. No offense, but isn't every night
poker night for Edna?
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189. I know. I got it. I'll call Jackie.
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190. Her dad's a lawyer,
and she's got a checkbook.
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191. Hello?
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192. Jackie! Thank God you're home.
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193. I was driving a stolen car
and I got arrested.
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194. Michael, this is
just like the book Prisoner of Love...
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195. where Cliff, the rugged yet sweet
motorcycle mechanic was thrown into jail.
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196. And then his true love, Tasha,
was forced to be a slave girl...
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197. for this really rich, mean guy.
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198. Jackie, I'm not kidding around.
I'm really in jail.
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199. My God. Are you okay?
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200. Yeah, I guess. But I'm a little cold.
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201. It's lonely in the joint, Jackie.
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202. My God. You're really in jail.
What if you never get out?
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203. That would really suck.
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204. Yes, it would, Michael. And I promise...
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205. the minute you get out of prison,
I'm gonna prove my love to you.
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206. Cool. Thanks.
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207. Michael, do you even know
what I'm saying to you?
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208. Yeah.
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209. No.
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210. We're gonna make love, you idiot.
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211. All right!
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212. You two have a nice little talk?
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213. Yeah.
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214. - You know what's funny?
- What?
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215. Nothing! Because you forgot
to ask her for help, you moron!
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216. My God, you're right.
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217. Give me another dime.
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218. We only had one dime.
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219. We only got one phone call.
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220. My God.
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221. Somebody give me a spoon.
I'm gonna dig my way out of here.
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222. Look at this.
Here we are sitting down to dinner...
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223. and Eric's not even home yet.
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224. Honey, you took away his car.
He has to walk everywhere.
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225. Walking is good for him.
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226. Red, why do you have to be
so hard on him?
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227. Same reason my old man was hard on me.
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228. To prepare me for the world.
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229. You know, Kitty, when I was his age...
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230. I could have parachuted
onto a deserted island...
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231. with nothing but a Swiss army knife,
and I would've survived.
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232. Okay, then we've learned something.
No skydiving for Eric.
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233. I'll tell you, Kitty,
the world is a tough place.
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234. You drop your guard for one second...
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235. and it'll kick you right in the ass.
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236. Well, you're right.
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237. Red, the world is hard.
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238. So wouldn't it be nice if Eric
came home to a place that wasn't?
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239. All right, Kitty, when you win the lottery...
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240. you can buy him Disneyland.
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241. I can't believe she went to that class.
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242. Married women do not
abandon their families.
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243. Sure they do, Dad. It's the '70s.
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244. I know what decade it is.
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245. Doesn't change the fact I'm eating
a sandwich instead of a hot meal.
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246. You want me to microwave it for you?
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247. I just don't understand why she needs this.
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248. - I've given her a great life.
- Dad, that's not the issue.
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249. The whole point of the
Equal Rights Amendment...
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250. is so that women don't have
to define themselves by a man.
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251. Donna, is this about clothes?
'Cause I can buy you clothes.
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252. This is pointless.
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253. While you're up,
you wanna get daddy a beer?
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254. Honey?
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255. Eric, you've gotta do something, man.
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256. Me? What about you, Kelso? Or Hyde?
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257. I can't talk to cops, man.
I go insane with rage.
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258. And me, too. Nuts.
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259. Eric, you gotta help us.
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260. So now I'm back in charge?
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261. This is so typical.
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262. Okay, you know what? Fine.
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263. Once again, I'll suck it up, be the
man and save all your sorry asses.
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264. Officer, I need to talk to you, please.
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265. You gotta let me go!
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266. Please, God. My dad's gonna kill me.
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267. You stole a car, kid.
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268. What kind of cop would I be
if I just let you go?
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269. My best friend the cop?
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270. Look, it really wasn't my fault.
We borrowed it from a friend.
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271. Yeah, haven't heard that one before.
Guess what?
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272. They didn't really steal the car.
They borrowed it from a friend.
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273. Actually, they did. Turns out this guy
Sully borrowed it from his grandmother...
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274. and she forgot and called it in stolen.
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275. Nice old lady, though. She plays Bingo.
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276. - My God, this is great. So, we're free to go?
- Yeah. Which one are you?
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277. Eric Forman.
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278. Forman? Is your dad Red Forman?
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279. Yeah.
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280. You poor bastard.
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281. - Well, thank you.
- Here.
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282. - So?
- So call a cab. We're sprung.
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283. What? We're free?
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284. All charges dropped.
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285. Wait, that is what you wanted, right?
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286. Let's get the hell out of here.
Yeah.
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287. Hi, Bob.
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288. Midge, I've been thinking.
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289. If taking that class made you happy,
then I guess I'm happy.
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290. Sweetie, it means so much to me.
And it's only twice a week, so it's not...
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291. Whoa.
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292. I thought this was a one-time deal.
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293. Bob, you can't learn total
female empowerment in one night.
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294. It takes 10 nights.
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295. Wait. Midge, you are not going back.
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296. Aphrodite, the Goddess of War
wouldn't take this...
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297. and neither will I!
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298. Hey, Dad.
Hold it.
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299. About the car.
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300. I know it was...
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301. And I...
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302. You see, when I was a kid...
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303. Maybe I came down...
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304. Here's the keys.
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305. Thank you, sir.
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306. - So where you been all night?
- Prison.
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307. Yeah, okay.
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308. - Jackie.
- Michael, you've been sprung.
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309. You don't know what it's like
on the inside, Jackie.
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310. Did they beat you?
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311. Yeah.
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312. Damn those police.
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313. No. It was Hyde. But he really frogged me.
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314. Poor baby.
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315. Thanks, Jackie.
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316. - Okay, so let's do this thing.
- This is so perfect.
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317. I don't even miss the peignoir,
the pirate shirt, or the wind.
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318. What about the banner?
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319. It's okay.
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320. The important thing is, I'm here with you.
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321. And I'm prepared to give myself to you...
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322. body, mind, and soul.
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323. Michael, this is going to be
the most magical night of our lives.
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324. Yeah, and one more thing.
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325. My parents are at the A&P,
so we only have, like, 15 minutes.
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326. You guys enjoying your burgers?
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327. Got enough pickles on them?
That's how Fatso Burger does them.
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328. Lots and lots of pickles. Yes, yes.
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329. Yeah. It's great.
Got enough room back there?
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330. Actually, it's a little bit crowded.
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331. Good. That's the way it should be. Yes, yes.
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332. I feel like going to the movies.
Where do you guys wanna go?
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333. - Let's go to the reservoir.
- Movies it is. Yes, yes.
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334. I kind of feel like going to the reservoir.
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335. Reservoir it is. Yes, yes.
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