1. Get off me, you moose.
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2. Eric, I didn't see you sitting there.
You should really work on bulking up.
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3. Maybe you should
really work on bulking up.
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4. What are you watching?
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5. Gilligan is on.
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6. - What are you doing in the floor?
- Yeah. Why don't you guys get a room?
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7. We have a room, Hyde.
It's called my basement.
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8. I'm going home.
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9. Bye, guys.
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10. Donna, don't forget. I'll see
you tomorrow night at the library.
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11. - Yeah, right.
- I'll walk you home.
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12. - She lives right next door.
- Yeah.
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13. Donna, about tomorrow night.
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14. I was thinking that
maybe you and I could go out to dinner.
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15. - For Valentine's Day?
- Hyde asked me to study at the library.
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16. I mean, you can do that anytime, right?
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17. Yeah, I'd love to go.
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18. That's great.
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19. So then it's a date.
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20. Our first.
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21. Yeah, if you don't count
all the times I mauled you.
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22. Yeah. Which I don't. So...
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23. Hey, guys.
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24. So, what's going on?
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25. I'll talk to you guys later.
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26. So, Eric...
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27. what were you and Donna
talking all hot and heavy about?
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28. Your hair.
Really?
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29. No.
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30. We're going out to dinner tomorrow
night. For Valentine's Day.
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31. No.
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32. Donna and I are going to the library
to study tomorrow night.
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33. On Valentine's Day?
Who studies on Valentine's Day?
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34. I didn't know it was Valentine's Day
when I made the date.
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35. To study.
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36. I'm sure she just forgot about you.
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37. We just talked about it a minute ago.
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38. Women. You know, I mean...
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39. Anyway, I'm gonna give Donna
my class ring.
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40. No, forget rings.
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41. You wanna score with Donna,
use my super funk eight-track.
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42. Anyway, I figure it's time
to make it official.
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43. She's just been waiting for any jerk
to swoop down on her.
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44. And you're that jerk.
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45. Better me than some other jerk.
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46. Why are you looking at me?
Hyde is the other jerk.
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47. Hanging out
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48. Down the street
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49. The same old thing
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50. We did last week
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51. Not a thing to do
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52. But talk to you
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53. Whoa, yeah
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54. Hello, Wisconsin!
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55. So, if Eric and Donna
are going out Saturday night...
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56. that means we have no wheels.
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57. I can borrow my dad's car.
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58. It's a Lincoln. Leather.
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59. You know what we should do?
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60. We should ditch Hyde and Fez
and make out in the backseat.
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61. You said that out loud.
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62. Yeah, I don't care.
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63. Yeah, I know.
We can go shopping for clogs.
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64. Pick me up at 7:00.
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65. Have fun, man. I'm out.
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66. We won't be shopping.
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67. We'll be doing it. Again.
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68. 'Cause that's what we do. We do it!
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69. Then I'm in.
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70. No, you're not invited, Fez.
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71. Then I'm out.
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72. Yeah. Well, later.
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73. It looks like
it's just you and me, little buddy.
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74. Yeah, Fez.
Which is really wrong, man...
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75. 'cause I had plans with Donna.
Until Forman snaked me.
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76. Who would have thought she would
rather go to a nice restaurant...
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77. than a smelly, old library?
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78. You will laugh later.
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79. So, let me see.
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80. Go ahead, show your mother.
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81. Oh, my gosh, that is snazzy.
That is a snazzy jacket.
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82. Damn good thing I went with him.
He wanted to buy a leisure suit.
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83. Come on, Dad. Leisure suits are cool.
Everybody wears them.
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84. Leisure suits are for dumbasses.
Believe me.
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85. Hey, there, Eric.
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86. Looking sharp for your big date?
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87. Who knew our two little tykes
would grow up to be dating.
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88. Oh, no. I have an idea.
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89. Let's have dinner tomorrow night.
Just the parents.
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90. I'll fondue.
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91. Yeah.
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92. And that'll give us a chance
to talk about their future.
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93. Right. We can plan a big wedding.
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94. I know you're joking.
But could you please stop? Please?
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95. You know, I've...
You can borrow our car.
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96. Girls love corsages.
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97. They got a fried onion brick
at The Vineyard, right?
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98. I don't believe you, Michael.
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99. What?
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100. You can't just maul me
in front of my father.
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101. I bet he didn't even notice.
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102. He yelled at you to stop it.
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103. I thought he was talking to you.
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104. Okay. Michael, we have a problem.
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105. Ever since we...
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106. Did it?
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107. Can you please use a more beautiful term?
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108. Like what?
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109. Like, proved our love.
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110. Yeah. But "did it" sounds so much cooler.
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111. Okay, just take me to the mall.
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112. We're not really going shopping, are we?
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113. Yes, I need clogs.
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114. Oh.
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115. God darn! That is a snazzy jacket.
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116. Yes, sir. Brown is your color.
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117. Thanks, Dad. No, Mom.
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118. Let me tell you something,
order the dinner.
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119. A la carte's a sucker's bet. And remember...
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120. pull the chair out for her.
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121. The small fork is for the salad.
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122. And this jacket's gotta last you
all the way through college...
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123. so don't spill any crap on it.
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124. Here you go. Have fun.
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125. Yeah.
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126. - Shall we?
- Good God, yes.
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127. Smile.
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128. Now, if she gets to do it,
I get to do it.
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129. Kitty, he's leaving.
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130. Talk about pressure.
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131. Yeah, I mean, this is a huge deal.
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132. To our parents.
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133. So what do you wanna do?
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134. I don't know, man.
What do you want to do?
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135. Let's go to The Hub.
I've got my eye on this plump girl.
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136. Sounds good, man, but I'll pass.
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137. Poor Hyde.
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138. What?
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139. You love Donna,
and she's with your good friend Eric.
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140. And?
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141. And that's the oldest story in the world.
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142. And a sad one at that.
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143. You know what, man?
I had a chance, and I didn't take it.
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144. And once Forman gives her that
ring, man, they're going out.
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145. And it would be really scummy
to hit on her then.
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146. Not that I wouldn't do it.
It'd just be really scummy.
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147. If you don't tell Donna how you feel,
then you will regret it.
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148. I'm going to The Vineyard.
Good for you.
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149. Just don't tell Eric what I said
because I really like his basement.
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150. This is quite a menu.
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151. Yeah.
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152. You got enough money?
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153. Yeah, for me.
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154. I'm sorry.
Were you gonna eat something, too?
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155. Actually, I'm in the mood for chicken.
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156. What a coincidence.
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157. I, too, am ordering
the cheapest thing on the menu.
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158. You look really nice tonight.
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159. So do you.
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160. Look, Donna...
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161. Hello!
Can I start you folks off with drinks?
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162. Sure...
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163. I'll have a beer.
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164. All right.
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165. I'd like an iced tea.
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166. - He didn't even proof me.
- It must be the jacket.
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167. - Or my sideburns.
- What sideburns?
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168. These sideburns, right.
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169. You know, I don't know
why they call it fondue.
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170. They should call it fundue. 'Cause it is fun.
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171. I love fondue. It's gourmet.
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172. - So, what do we do here, Kitty?
- Okay, now. What you do is...
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173. you put a piece of steak
on your fondue fork.
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174. - Now, how hot exactly is the...
- No, Bob. That's a fondon't.
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175. Don't put your hand in the hot oil.
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176. Who knew you couldn't
put your hand in the hot oil?
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177. Here, chicken, chicken.
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178. Donna, please.
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179. Sorry.
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180. - Are you okay?
- I am great.
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181. I think you're drunk.
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182. I think I am, too.
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183. How could I be drunk?
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184. There's about five shots of alcohol
in a Long Island Iced Tea.
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185. - Long Island Iced Tea?
- Yeah, you guys ordered drinks.
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186. - I'm ready for another one.
- Nope, she's good.
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187. Thanks. Thank you.
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188. I love your little butt, Eric.
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189. It's so little.
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190. Okay.
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191. And you're so good, Eric.
You're so darn good.
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192. - I think it's coffee time.
- You're so good, it makes me hot.
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193. Or time for another Iced Tea maybe.
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194. Sing to me, Eric.
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195. No, I don't think...
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196. Sing me a song.
I don't really...
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197. Do it or I'll scream!
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198. Move it in, move it out
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199. Shove it in, shove it out
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200. Disco lady
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201. Move it in, move it out
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202. Shove it in, all about
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203. Well, Jackie. It's now 9:00.
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204. Which means that every shoe store...
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205. in the greater Oshkosh area
is closed for the night.
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206. So, what do you want to do now?
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207. Let's go look at the new Corvettes.
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208. Yeah.
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209. I mean...
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210. No, that just sounds boring.
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211. What do you wanna do?
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212. No, I don't know.
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213. Wait. You know what we could do?
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214. We could...
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215. Prove our love to each other again.
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216. No, Michael. We are not going to...
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217. Prove our love,
every single time we have a chance.
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218. Why not?
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219. Because it doesn't work like that.
And just because we did it once...
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220. does not mean
we're ever gonna do it again.
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221. Okay, now you're just talking crazy!
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222. No, Michael. No, I am not.
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223. If you think that's how it's gonna work,
then you're wrong.
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224. Damn, Jackie.
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225. So I spent all night
looking for your stupid shoes...
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226. - and we're not even gonna...
- No.
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227. Fine.
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228. Are you sure you're okay with that?
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229. Yeah.
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230. Okay, let's do it.
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231. - Crap.
- Ouch!
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232. - Damn!
- Ow!
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233. Geez!
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234. My eye!
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235. God. It's so crowded in here.
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236. Eric, meet me under the table.
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237. Donna, no. Look, no.
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238. Look, Donna, come on.
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239. Waiter?
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240. Okay. I'm gonna go get you some coffee.
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241. So, no going under the table,
and no singing.
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242. I'll be right back.
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243. People, the chicken here is excellent.
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244. Hyde's here.
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245. Hi, Hyde.
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246. Hey, Donna.
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247. Where's Forman?
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248. Coffee.
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249. Okay, look.
I'm just going to say this, all right?
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250. Donna, I have feelings for you.
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251. And I think that you have feelings for me.
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252. And Forman's gonna give you his ring.
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253. And I hope that before you take it,
you think about...
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254. Beep!
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255. Eric. Hyde's here.
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256. We're on a date here.
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257. Yeah, man. You shouldn't be...
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258. because we were supposed to be
at the library.
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259. Hyde, if she wanted to be at the library,
she'd be at the library.
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260. Oh, my God.
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261. Wait. What do you mean by "Oh, my God"?
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262. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
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263. Look, when my date's done puking...
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264. you better not be here.
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265. Excuse me. Hi.
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266. Could I get this in a doggie bag, please?
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267. Thanks. And I'm in a hurry.
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268. Now...
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269. I feel so close to you, Michael.
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270. Michael and Jackie. Jackie and Michael.
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271. Doesn't that sound good?
Michael and Jackie.
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272. True love, always, forever.
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273. - Forever?
- Forever.
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274. Dances, long walks...
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275. candles, flowers.
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276. Babies, house.
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277. Shackle, chain...
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278. despair, prison, death.
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279. "Jonathan Seagull discovered...
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280. "that boredom, fear, and anger...
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281. "are the reasons a gull's life is so short.
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282. "And with this gone from his thought...
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283. "he lived a long, fine life indeed."
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284. Bravo!
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285. Isn't she a hot tomato?
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286. To the lovemaking.
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287. We had a wonderful time.
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288. My God!
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289. Okay, they're gone.
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290. They used to be normal.
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291. - What the hell happened to them?
- I don't know.
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292. How can she not eat meat?
That can't be healthy.
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293. Remember when
we used to go on vacation together?
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294. Bob and I used to go fishing
and drink beers.
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295. - I mean, we used to have fun with them.
- Now they're into every fad there is.
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296. - Things change, Kitty.
- We don't.
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297. We don't have to.
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298. We're classic.
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299. You know...
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300. Midge wasn't wearing a bra tonight.
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301. Yeah.
Bob wasn't wearing underwear.
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302. Thanks for holding my hair when I was...
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303. Just thanks for missing my shoes.
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304. - I guess I blew our big night.
- No.
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305. Look, it's cool.
I thought I was gonna blow it...
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306. and then, I mean, you totally blew it.
So that's great.
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307. You know, by telling me I blew it,
you basically just blew it. So...
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308. And I was doing so good here
with the jacket and the coffee...
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309. and holding your hair back.
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310. I was so in.
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311. You're still in.
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312. Look, Donna, I want to be your boyfriend.
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313. And you're all I ever think about.
Will you wear my class ring?
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314. - Yes.
- Yes?
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315. You know, why don't we kiss on it later?
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316. Right. The vomit.
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317. No, wait. You know what? I don't care.
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318. You're my girlfriend.
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319. So, Forman, man...
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320. I'm sorry about tonight with Donna.
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321. And for taking your dinner.
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322. So, are we cool, man?
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323. Yeah, man. We've gotta be.
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324. Look, we've been friends
since kindergarten.
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325. No girl's gonna come between us.
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326. That's great, man.
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327. So...
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328. if Donna ever breaks up with you...
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329. and starts dating me, are we still friends?
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330. No.
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331. Tonight, I learned there's a
price to be paid for doing it.
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332. She said, "forever," man.
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333. And I think she meant it.
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334. The inside of my mouth feels like
cotton. As if cotton was in my mouth.
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335. Kelso, man, women are like muffins, okay?
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336. And once you've had a muffin, man...
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337. you will put up with anything
to have another muffin.
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338. And they know that.
Now she really owns you, man.
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339. Hyde, you sure know a lot about women.
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340. But, I mean, you've never
really had a steady girlfriend.
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341. So, what's that all about?
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342. I'll tell you what that's all
about, Forman. My mind is pure, man.
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343. I don't fall victim to the female race.
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344. I'm here, sans girlfriend,
to help you guys out.
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345. Then I have a question, Hyde.
How much masturbation is too much?
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346. No such thing as too much, Fez.
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347. How'd it go?
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348. It was great.
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349. Mom.
Gotcha.
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350. Anybody mention how nice
that sport coat was?
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351. Donna.
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352. There you go. So, you had fun?
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353. Yeah, Dad. Thanks.
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354. You know, you got a chunk of carrot
on your shoe there?
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355. Yeah, Dad. Thanks.
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