1. Thanks, Mrs. Forman.
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2. You know, we never had waffles
at my house.
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3. My mom always said
a waffle iron was a luxury.
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4. Like pillow cases or not getting hit.
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5. Man, this is so cool.
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6. You are welcome, Steven.
See, Eric, I told you I was cool.
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7. Eric, did you tell your mother
that she's not cool?
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8. - What? Well...
- Stop telling your mother she's not cool.
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9. Fine. Mom, you're super fly.
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10. Thanks, honey.
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11. Steven, would you like
maple syrup or blueberry syrup?
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12. You have syrup?
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13. - Man, I love it here.
- And we love having you here, man.
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14. You're like the brother I never had.
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15. I mean, I have a sister, but I hate her.
So, this is great.
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16. Eric, after breakfast
I want you to rake the yard.
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17. - Rake? But, Dad, I was gonna...
- I'll do it.
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18. Okay, Steven.
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19. My God...
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20. I love my new brother!
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21. Hanging out
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22. Down the street
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23. The same old thing
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24. We did last week
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25. Not a thing to do
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26. But talk to you
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27. Whoa, yeah
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28. Hello, Wisconsin!
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29. Kitty, look who's back in town.
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30. My God...
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31. Bull MacCrakin.
I thought you were in Chicago.
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32. Nope. I came back to Point Place
to steal you away from this old S-O-B.
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33. Bull, you still with Wendy?
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34. No. I got married.
Wendy was a couple dozen ladies ago.
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35. Now, boy, that is a lot of ladies.
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36. You remember
when our destroyer got strafed...
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37. and you got four chunks
of hot shrapnel right in the knee?
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38. Five. I still limp when it rains.
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39. - Yeah, great times.
- The greatest.
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40. It is popping.
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41. Help me. It is popping in my mouth.
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42. Fez, they're Pop Rocks, okay?
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43. That's what they do. They pop.
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44. Jackie, you know what would be
cool to do with these in your mouth?
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45. Donna, look, everyone's here.
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46. And I thought we'd be all alone.
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47. Phew.
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48. I get it.
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49. They want to make out.
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50. For her pleasure.
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51. If I cannot watch them make out,
can I watch you two make out?
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52. - Yeah, sure.
- Michael!
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53. I mean, no, Fez.
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54. I don't know about you...
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55. but McHale's Navy
makes me feel extra sexy.
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56. Whatever.
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57. Take it outside.
I've got to do my homework, Frenchie.
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58. Good one.
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59. Now get out.
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60. No, I'm serious.
Your mom just found out I failed a test.
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61. - Did she yell at you?
- No.
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62. She said she was really disappointed.
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63. And then, before I knew what I was
doing, I told her I'd try harder.
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64. No.
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65. Yeah.
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66. Okay. Now, here...
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67. I brought you a sandwich
to help you study.
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68. - Thanks, Mrs. Forman.
- Eric, Steven is studying. Don't bother him.
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69. Why don't you and Donna
go up to your bedroom?
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70. Okay.
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71. I mean, no. Bad idea.
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72. Just go outside
to a well-lit supervised area...
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73. and talk politely like decent young adults.
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74. That sounds super, Mom.
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75. Here's a crazy idea.
Why don't you do the dishes, Bob?
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76. Why don't I do the dishes?
I work all day.
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77. I meditate all day.
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78. Why don't you meditate over the sink
and wash the dishes?
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79. Donna, will you tell your father
he's a jackass?
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80. Donna, your mother was fine
until she met those feminists...
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81. and started thinking.
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82. Excuse me, Bob. But I'm not happy!
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83. Really? Well, I'm ecstatic!
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84. You better watch out, Eric.
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85. 'Cause it's all fun
when you're making out on the couch...
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86. but then they get bigger and bitchier!
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87. No offense, honey.
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88. You're not gonna get bitchier, are you?
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89. Shut up.
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90. Oh, no.
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91. Bull, I can't believe
you finally settled down with a nice girl.
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92. He may have settled down all right,
but I'm not that nice.
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93. Red, I noticed in the paper
that your plant's closing down.
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94. Yeah, you can't compete
with those damn foreign cars.
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95. I tell you, if I'd seen this coming...
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96. I'd have shot a little straighter
during the war.
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97. You know...
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98. I'm opening another hot tub store
right here in Point Place.
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99. I'm telling you, you've always got a job
with me if you want it.
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100. I don't know, though, Bull.
You know...
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101. this thing's pretty hot.
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102. That jet just hit me right in the keister.
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103. Yeah, believe it or not,
some people like that.
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104. Wanna ease back on the hooch there?
You're getting a little loose.
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105. I am just happy. It's like a bath.
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106. Only it's outside.
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107. It's fun!
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108. You got a real nice setup here.
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109. - I sure do like that Corvette of yours.
- Yeah, I baby that thing.
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110. Remember when we got back from
Korea, we were both gonna buy them?
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111. Yeah.
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112. I never did get that Corvette.
Got two kids instead.
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113. - Kids. That's great.
- Yeah.
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114. I sure did want that Corvette.
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115. Okay, you're done cleaning the garage.
Let's play some ball.
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116. Hang on, man. I gotta take out the trash.
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117. You know, Hyde, seeing you work hard
and take pride in what you do...
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118. I lost a lot of respect for you, man.
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119. You used to be my hero.
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120. My lazy American hero.
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121. Don't listen to them, Hyde. I think
it's great you're doing all my chores.
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122. Eric, great job on the garage.
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123. Thanks.
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124. Hyde did it.
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125. Yeah, I should have known.
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126. It's actually clean.
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127. - Nice going.
- Thanks, Red.
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128. - What did you do?
- I...
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129. love you.
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130. Well, I love you, too.
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131. Dinner, kids.
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132. Okay, now, that was Bull on the phone...
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133. and he has invited us to a party
on Saturday night.
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134. Yeah?
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135. What's wrong?
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136. It's just that...
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137. I look at what Bull has,
and I look at what I have...
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138. and I wonder if I made
a few wrong turns, Kitty.
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139. Maybe you'll get a fresh start
working for Bull.
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140. Yeah.
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141. I mean, I fought for my country.
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142. I deserve a Corvette.
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143. Okay, here we all are.
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144. So, honey, how did you do
on your history paper?
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145. History not being...
I'm sorry.
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146. I was talking to Steven.
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147. I must say, all that studying really paid off.
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148. Yeah? What did you get? A "D"?
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149. No.
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150. A "C" minus.
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151. Way to go.
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152. I got a "B."
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153. You couldn't get an "A"?
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154. Honey, don't listen to your father.
You did super.
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155. And, Steven, you did super-duper.
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156. Why does he get a "duper"?
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157. Because we expect more from you.
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158. Give me a break, Forman.
I don't have a mommy.
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159. Don't sweat it, Eric.
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160. You can only be as smart
as God made you. Or didn't.
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161. All right,
didn't you just flunk out of college?
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162. - Get bent, twerp.
- Wear a bra!
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163. Can we please not fight?
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164. "Can we please not fight?"
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165. Can you please not suck?
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166. - Good one, Eric.
- Thank you.
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167. All right, everybody shut up.
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168. Now, we're gonna have a nice dinner.
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169. Eric, you try to be more like Steven.
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170. Where's Hyde?
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171. - Mom and Dad are giving him a bath.
- Bath? No, really.
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172. I don't know, who cares.
Shut up. I'm watching TV. I hate you.
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173. You're just jealous, right? Because
you're not number one anymore.
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174. If I'm not number one,
guess who's number three?
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175. So your parents
have brought a new bundle of joy...
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176. into your home.
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177. And you might feel like
your parents don't love you anymore.
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178. But that's not true.
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179. They simply love you less.
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180. You see, your parents
only have so much love to go around.
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181. Here's how your parents'love
was distributed before the new arrival.
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182. And here it is after.
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183. But what can you do about it?
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184. Well, you could run away.
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185. As if they'd come
and look for you.
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186. Say, here's something you can do.
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187. Think of all the good times
you've had with your family.
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188. Because they're all over now.
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189. Okay, here we go. Scotch rocks.
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190. Scotch rocks. And a mango margarita.
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191. He was in the National Guard.
Oh.
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192. You know, I almost forgot.
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193. I'm gonna need your car keys.
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194. - How drunk do you think I'm gonna get?
- Hopefully, drunk enough.
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195. My wife's got my keys.
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196. You know, Bull, if you were serious,
I'll take that job.
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197. You got it. It'll be just like old times.
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198. I mean, except for the killing.
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199. Midge, I need my keys.
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200. Sharon, hi.
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201. - Honey, you remember Sharon.
- No.
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202. Sharon, is it?
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203. You are so funny.
How do you keep your hands off him?
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204. I don't know. I just do.
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205. So my parents are fighting all the time...
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206. and they want me to choose sides.
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207. But I can't because they're both idiots.
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208. I don't know. I mean, I really
think they're gonna get a divorce.
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209. My God, Donna, I am so sorry.
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210. But you know what? That very thing
happened to a good friend of mine...
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211. and now she has twice as much stuff...
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212. and twice as much clothes.
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213. And her parents even fought over
who got to buy her a car.
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214. I mean, you're right, Jackie.
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215. This divorce thing
could actually work to my advantage.
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216. Exactly.
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217. Yeah, I just have to make it very clear...
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218. that my love is contingent
on how much they buy me.
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219. Why am I even talking to you about
this? You have a great handle on it.
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220. Excuse me...
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221. Jackie, when exactly did you lose
your soul?
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222. Cheerleading camp.
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223. You almost done there, Hazel?
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224. See, that's funny 'cause Hazel is a maid.
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225. - Or you could have called him Alice, too.
- Shut up, Fez.
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226. So, pretty tough
with that scrubber in your hand?
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227. Yeah, I know.
Hyde, Red and Kitty aren't even here.
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228. I mean, you're kissing phantom butt.
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229. You know what, Forman?
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230. I used to think Red was a real hard-ass.
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231. But after doing your chores
for the last five days...
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232. I've come to the conclusion
that you're just a lazy, spoiled brat.
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233. Hazel never talked like that.
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234. That's not fair.
You've been doing them for five days.
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235. Try 16 years, man.
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236. - You know, I guess I'm just grateful.
- Stop it.
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237. You're making me look bad.
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238. Plus you've become, like,
a total drag to hang out with.
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239. What ever happened to the psychotic
troublemaker we all know and love?
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240. Look, put down the dishes...
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241. and start doing something
stupid and senseless right now.
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242. Forman, I'm a guest here.
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243. Then fine.
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244. I guess I will have to do something stupid.
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245. I know something stupid we can do.
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246. You got a bowling ball?
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247. What?
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248. And they're arguing
and arguing and arguing.
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249. Okay, no offense, Donna...
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250. but all this talk
about your mom and dad fighting...
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251. it's boring me.
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252. Really?
Talking about your hair was fascinating.
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253. Hold it by the thumbhole.
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254. Okay, what are those idiots doing?
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255. Something idiotic.
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256. Let's go find out.
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257. Don't be such a baby. We just
want to see how high it'll bounce.
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258. - Nothing bad can happen.
- Okay. Forman, man, think.
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259. You are listening to Kelso.
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260. - Don't do it.
- Wait.
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261. - Now you're telling me what to do?
- Enough talk. Do it.
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262. See, I never even thought of that.
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263. Later.
Thank you.
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264. See you.
Bye.
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265. Maybe they won't notice.
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266. Okay, Kitty, it's your turn. Pick a key.
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267. My gosh, there are so many,
I can't tell which ones are ours.
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268. Kitty, you don't pick your key...
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269. because then you'd go home
with your own husband.
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270. And who wants that?
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271. I...
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272. Me?
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273. But the whole point of a key party...
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274. is to meet new and interesting people
and have sex with them.
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275. My God.
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276. You're swingers.
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277. Red, honey, it's time to leave.
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278. - Now? I'm having a good time.
- I left the iron on. And the stove.
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279. I left the iron on, on the stove...
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280. which is also on.
And that... It can't be safe.
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281. - Kitty, what's wrong with you?
- Red, look whose keys I've got.
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282. Dear Lord.
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283. You lucky bastard.
Bite her earlobes, she loves that.
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284. What the hell are you talking about?
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285. Red, you do know
that this is a wife-swapping party, right?
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286. What?
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287. Are you telling me
you want to sleep with my wife?
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288. No.
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289. I'll take a run at any one of these ladies.
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290. What the hell's wrong with my wife?
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291. Nothing, Red, it's just done random
so that it's fair. That's all.
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292. Bull...
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293. I thought I knew you.
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294. You do. I'm the same guy
who's got shrapnel in my...
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295. No.
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296. Good night.
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297. Come on, Bob. They're swingers.
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298. Oh.
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299. It took a really weird hop.
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300. Why would you drop
a bowling ball on the couch?
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301. What good could come of it?
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302. - Okay. Hindsight being...
- Eric.
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303. I don't want to hear
any more of your dumb-ass excuses.
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304. This is the most irresponsible,
idiotic thing you have ever done.
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305. Actually, Red, I did it.
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306. You?
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307. No, Dad,
Hyde's just covering for me. I did it.
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308. - Forman, stop. Red, it was me.
- No. It was me.
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309. Guess what? I don't care!
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310. You're both idiots.
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311. And if you have to get a job
digging ditches...
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312. you are gonna buy me a new TV.
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313. Now get out of my sight.
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314. - Yes, sir.
- All right.
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315. Sir.
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316. I could've had a Corvette!
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317. Oh, Red.
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318. No, Kitty, damn it, I'm pissed.
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319. I mean, Bull's a freako pervert
and he gets everything he wants.
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320. I work hard, I raise a family,
and what do I get?
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321. A bowling ball in my TV.
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322. You know what I've got?
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323. Your keys.
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324. I want a big TV.
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325. - A big one.
- This one's on sale.
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326. That's last year's model.
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327. And my TV's gonna be new.
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328. - What about that one?
- No remote.
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329. My TV's gotta have a remote.
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330. Look at this.
Twenty-six-inch screen.
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331. I didn't even know
they made them that big.
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332. Dad, your old TV wasn't that big.
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333. No. But my new TV's gonna be that big.
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