That '70s Show 3x20

Directed by David Trainer

Allison Munn as Caroline • John Ratzenberger as Glen • Kevin McDonald as Dave • Terry Wills as Craps Player • Suanne Spoke as Iris

Kitty forces Red, Eric, Hyde and Kelso to help out at a church fundraiser. Red spends all of his time at the craps table, Kelso and Hyde cheat at bingo so they can win all the prizes. Eric is busy worrying about his relationship with Donna because a church member told him that his wife was nice too, when they first met, until they got tired of each other. Jackie and Donna tell Fez that Caroline is a psycho so he dumps her after she threatens him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. SO, EVERYONE ENJOYING DINNER?

2. YEAH. YEAH. MMM.

3. GOOD. NOW, UM,

4. I WANT TO TALK TO EVERYONE

5. ABOUT HELPING ME WITH THE CHURCH FUND RAISER.

6. FREEZE!

7. OK, SO... HA HA HA!

8. GOD'S MAGIC CIRCLE IS OUR CHURCH'S WOMEN'S AUXILIARY,

9. AND I VOLUNTEERED TO HELP ORGANIZE

10. THEIR NEXT FUND RAISER.

11. AND BRAVO, I SAY, BRA-VO.

12. NOW, IF YOU'LL PLEASE EXCUSE ME,

13. I HAVE TO ATTEND A MEETING.

14. IT'S, UH...

15. IT'S VERY IMPORTANT, SO...

16. OK.

17. NOW, AS YOU ALL KNOW,

18. UM, I'M STUCK IN A RUT. HA HA HA!

19. AND, UM, I REALLY, I...

20. I JUST NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE

21. AND EXPERIENCE NEW THINGS.

22. BUT, MOM—

23. AND I WANT YOUR SUPPORT

24. WHICH, BY THE WAY, I ALWAYS GIVE YOU,

25. MR. I-WANT-TO-BE- A-JAZZ-GUITARIST.

26. ERIC...

27. IF YOUR MOTHER WANTS YOU

28. AND ARCHIE AND JUGHEAD HERE TO HELP HER...

29. THEN YOU'RE GOING TO HELP HER.

30. YOU'RE JUGHEAD.

31. YOU'RE JUGHEAD!

32. YOU'RE SO JUGHEAD IT'S NOT EVEN DEBATABLE.

33. YOU ARE SO—OW!

34. STEVEN, STOP HITTING JUGHEAD.

35. SEE?

36. HEY.

37. THIS IS IMPORTANT TO HER,

38. AND WE SHOULD SUPPORT HER FOR THIS.

39. SO, YOU GUYS'LL HELP OUT.

40. WELL, THANK YOU, RED.

41. AND YOU'RE COMING, TOO.

42. OH, NO, KITTY, I—I HAVE A MEETING.

43. WITH YOU. AT CHURCH.

44. NICE SAVE, DAD. SHUT UP.

45. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER COMPANY, L.L.C. AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

46. HELLO, WISCONSIN!

47. NO, SEE, FEZ, BAZOOKA JOE WANTED TO SEE TIME FLY,

48. SO MORT THREW THE CLOCK OUT THE WINDOW,

49. SO TIME FLEW. GET IT?

50. DID THE CLOCK BREAK?

51. I DON'T KNOW.

52. THAT'S NOT REALLY THE POINT.

53. BUT STILL, A PRETTY BIG WASTE OF A CLOCK.

54. OK. WELL, I GOTTA GO.

55. SEE YOU LATER, SWEETIE.

56. SEE YOU.

57. YOU GUYS ARE SUCH A CUTE COUPLE.

58. YEAH, I KNOW. I REALLY LIKE CAROLINE.

59. ME, TOO! SHE'S NICE.

60. FOR A PSYCHO.

61. HYDE, TAKE THAT BACK!

62. SSSSSS... PSYCHO!

63. YOU ARE A GIFTED MIME...

64. BUT THAT HURTS.

65. HYDE, CAROLINE'S NOT A PSYCHO.

66. YOU JUST DON'T GET WOMEN.

67. WE HAVE EMOTIONS.

68. WE'RE RULED BY THE MOON AND THE TIDES.

69. AND PRETTY CLOTHES.

70. YEAH, WE SHOULD HANG OUT WITH HER.

71. YOU KNOW, MAKE HER FEEL WELCOME.

72. YEAH, YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY FRIENDS.

73. SOMETIMES YOU FEEL LIKE A NUT, SOMETIMES YOU DON'T.

74. HEY, YOU GUYS, YOU KNOW WHO WAS CRAZY?

75. THIS CAMP COUNSELOR I ONCE HAD

76. WHO USED TO MAKE EVERYONE DO TURBO SIT-UPS,

77. BUT HE'D PUT A TOWEL OVER YOUR FACE,

78. AND THEN WHEN YOU WENT TO DO THE SIT-UP—

79. HE'D PULL THE TOWEL AWAY

80. AND YOU'D END UP WITH YOUR FACE IN HIS BUTT.

81. DONNA...

82. YOU STOLE THE FUNNY PART.

83. ERIC, I'VE HEARD IT, LIKE, 8 TIMES.

84. OK, I'M SORRY. TELL THE STORY AGAIN.

85. I'LL LAUGH.

86. BUT IT'LL BE FAKE, THOUGH, RIGHT?

87. OH, YEAH.

88. OK, GUYS, I ONCE HAD THIS CAMP COUNSELOR, AND HE—

89. OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS!

90. THE PETERSONS JUST GOT A NEW DOG.

91. LET'S GO!

92. OK, NOW, I HAVE WORK ASSIGNMENTS FOR EVERYONE.

93. RED, YOU'RE SELLING RAFFLE TICKETS.

94. I'M YOUR MAN.

95. AND DON'T YELL AT THE CUSTOMERS.

96. I'M KIND OF YOUR MAN.

97. AND SMILE.

98. YOU NEED ANOTHER MAN.

99. OK, MICHAEL, STEVEN,

100. YOU'RE IN CHARGE OF BINGO,

101. AND, ERIC, I THOUGHT YOU COULD RUN THE CAKEWALK.

102. SURE. WHAT'S CAKEWALK?

103. IT'S CAKE AND WALKING.

104. WHAT, ARE YOU ON DOPE?

105. SO, UH, PASTOR DAVE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

106. GOSH, KITTY, I'M IMPRESSED.

107. I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME

108. A GOD'S MAGIC CIRCLE FUND RAISER

109. LOOKED SO GOSH DARN WONDERFUL.

110. HIYA, GANG!

111. All, flatly: HI, PASTOR DAVE.

112. SAY, GOD'S MAGIC CIRCLE.

113. THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN ERIC CLAPTON SONG, DOESN'T IT, KIDS?

114. YES, PASTOR DAVE.

115. ROCK ON, KIDS.

116. ROCK ON, PASTOR DAVE.

117. OH, COME ON, STRING BEAN,

118. WILL YOU STOP THE RECORD ALREADY?

119. HEY, I'M IN CHARGE.

120. I'LL STOP WHEN I'M GOOD AND READY.

121. AND THAT'S NOT BECAUSE OF YOU.

122. IT'S JUST BECAUSE I WAS READY.

123. OK, CONGRATULATIONS, ED.

124. YOU WIN A CHOCOLATE CAKE.

125. BUT I'M ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE.

126. THEN WHY ARE YOU IN THE CAKEWALK, ED?

127. I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE LINE FOR THE BATHROOM.

128. NOW DON'T YOU SCREW THIS UP.

129. I WANT THAT MARMALADE CAKE.

130. SURE, YEAH, ALL RIGHT, PUMPKIN.

131. I WAS JUST TALKING TO THIS GUY OVER HERE—

132. OH, JUST FORGET IT. YOU'RE GONNA SCREW IT UP.

133. YOU ALWAYS DO.

134. JUST GO STAND OVER THERE.

135. ALL RIGHT, MY TURTLEDOVE.

136. RIGHT OVER HERE.

137. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,

138. LET MY WIFE WIN THE CAKE.

139. WELL, IT'S IN THE HANDS OF THE LORD NOW, SIR.

140. OK, EVERYONE, GET READY FOR ANOTHER EXCITING ROUND...

141. OF CAKEWALK.

142. WOULD YOU BELIEVE SHE WAS ONCE

143. THE SWEETEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN HIGH SCHOOL?

144. OF COURSE SHE WAS.

145. WORD OF ADVICE, KID.

146. NEVER MARRY YOUR HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART.

147. WAIT. WHY NOT?

148. OH, THAT'S IT, GLEN. JUST KEEP SLOUCHING

149. YOU'RE NOT MOUSY ENOUGH.

150. THAT'S WHY.

151. YEAH! I'M HOT AS A PISTOL!

152. BOY, DID I TAKE THIS CHURCH TO THE CLEANERS.

153. HEY, THAT'S A CRAPS TABLE.

154. YEP, EXCEPT HERE IT'S CALLED "CRIPES."

155. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE THE NEXT HOLY ROLLER?

156. ARE YOU KIDDING? NEXT TO PRAYER,

157. CRAPS IS MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT CHURCH.

158. WELL, ENJOY YOURSELF. I GOTTA GO CHECK OUT

159. THE LAST SUPPER BAKE SALE.

160. FREE CUPCAKES FOR ANYONE WHO DOESN'T DENY THE LORD!

161. WE GOTTA WIN THE ROCK'EM SOCK'EM ROBOTS.

162. I MEAN, THESE ARE THE MOST TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED

163. OF ALL THE PLASTIC SPRING-LOADED BOXING ROBOTS.

164. WHO KNOWS, MAYBE WE'LL GET LUCKY.

165. OR...

166. WE COULD CHEAT.

167. KELSO, MAN, YOU'RE WILLING TO CHEAT

168. HERE IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD?

169. YOU'RE COMING ALONG NICELY.

170. YEAH, I MEAN, IT'S NOT THAT BAD

171. BECAUSE TECHNICALLY WE'RE ONLY IN THE BASEMENT OF THE LORD.

172. I'LL BET HE NEVER COMES DOWN HERE.

173. YEAH. GOOD POINT.

174. PLUS WHAT OLD LADY WANTS ROCK'EM SOCK'EM ROBOTS?

175. OR A BOX OF POP ROCKS OR A SUPERBALL?

176. YEAH! YEAH, I MEAN, THEY COULD HURT THEMSELVES.

177. YOU GIVE THE ELDERLY POP ROCKS,

178. AND THEY COULD GET ALL FOAMY AND STROKE OUT.

179. SO WE'RE HELPING.

180. WE'RE HELPING.

181. B-7.

182. BINGO!

183. GOSH, THAT'S LUCKY.

184. THAT'S DONNA.

185. OH, LOOK AT THAT. A CARROT TOP, HUH?

186. YEAH, THAT'S GREAT, KID.

187. JUST GREAT.

188. YOU KNOW, I WAS A LOT LIKE YOU.

189. A MILKY-WHITE LOSER WITH A CHEAP HAIRCUT

190. AND LESS MUSCLE TONE THAN A CANNED HAM.

191. OK, FIRST OF ALL, GLEN,

192. I'M WIRY, OK?

193. YEAH, I WAS DATING THE HOTTEST LOOKING GIRL IN SCHOOL.

194. THOUGHT I HAD IT MADE.

195. SO WHAT HAPPENED?

196. I DON'T KNOW REALLY.

197. ONE DAY WE JUST REALIZED

198. THAT SHE HAD HEARD ALL OF MY STORIES,

199. AND I HAD HEARD ALL OF HER STORIES,

200. AND, WELL...

201. THAT'S WHEN SHE STOPPED BEING NICE

202. AND STARTED EATING.

203. OH... GOD.

204. DONNA EATS.

205. BETTER WATCH IT THERE, KID.

206. IT STARTS SMALL.

207. A FEW WISE-ASS COMMENTS,

208. AND THEN THEY'RE PUTTING YOU DOWN

209. IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS.

210. DONNA...

211. YOU STOLE THE FUNNY PART.

212. WELL, ERIC, I'VE HEARD IT, LIKE, 8 TIMES.

213. THEN BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,

214. YOU'RE PRAYING FOR DEATH.

215. HEH! EITHER HERS OR YOURS.

216. EITHER WAY, AT LEAST IT'S QUIET.

217. YOU REALLY BROUGHT ME DOWN, MAN.

218. YEAH! YEAH, I DO THAT.

219. YOU GUYS ARE SO MUCH FUN TO HANG OUT WITH.

220. WE REALLY ARE.

221. SO, WHAT DOES COSMO SAY ABOUT ME? I'M A GEMINI.

222. UM...

223. OK. "THE TWINS. 2 PEOPLE TRAPPED IN ONE BODY."

224. SO YOU'RE LIKE... SPLIT PERSONALITY.

225. IF YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU!

226. I'M KIDDING!

227. YOU GUYS, I'M PSYCHO, REMEMBER? WOO-HOO!

228. WOW, THAT WAS— THAT WAS REALLY GOOD.

229. I ALMOST WET MYSELF.

230. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH SMALL TALK.

231. SO IS FEZ, LIKE, AN AMAZING KISSER?

232. JACKIE, DON'T MAKE ME BLUSH.

233. NO, SHE'S ONLY ASKING BECAUSE WHEN SHE KISSED HIM,

234. HE DID THIS THING WITH HIS TONGUE.

235. YOU KISSED FEZ?

236. OH, MY GOD, IT WAS SO NOTHING.

237. HE HAD THIS STUPID CRUSH ON ME.

238. SHUT UP!

239. IF EITHER OF YOU EVER TOUCH MY BOYFRIEND,

240. I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE ANIMALS.

241. UNDERSTAND?

242. YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

243. HA HA HA! "YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?"

244. I'LL SCRATCH YOUR BIG, DUMB EYES OUT! GOT IT?

245. OH, MY GOD.

246. I KNOW. HER NAILS ARE BEAUTIFUL.

247. I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN

248. FOR DOING SUCH A WONDERFUL JOB, KITTY.

249. WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, PASTOR DAVE,

250. IT FEELS SO GOOD TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE

251. AND DO SOMETHING IMPORTANT.

252. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE GOT OUT OF THE HOUSE

253. AND DID SOMETHING IMPORTANT? JESUS.

254. AND LUCKY FOR US HE DID.

255. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

256. WELL, I RAN OUT OF UNDERWEAR,

257. AND I'M WEARING MY SWIMSUIT, AND...

258. I'VE SAID TOO MUCH.

259. ERIC?

260. YEAH!

261. I'M THE RICHEST MAN IN CHURCH!

262. FELLAS, THESE DICE LIKE ME.

263. WOO-HOO! OH, YEAH!

264. B-I-N-G-O,

265. AND THAT SPELLS "LOSERS."

266. LOSERS!

267. DAMN IT!

268. NEVER MARRY YOUR HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART...

269. SWEETHEART... SWEETHEART...

270. OH, HEY, DID I EVER TELL YOU—

271. HEARD IT.

272. WHO ATE THE LAST DOUGHNUT?

273. I DID.

274. SON OF A BITCH.

275. YOU ATE THE FIRST 11!

276. OH, SHUT UP!

277. NO, I WON'T!

278. I WEIGH 80 POUNDS!

279. LOOK AT YOU!

280. DO YOU KNOW WHY I'M BALD?

281. MY BODY IS EATING ITS OWN HAIR!

282. HEY!

283. HEY, DIAMOND JIM, COME HERE.

284. HOW'S THE ABANDONED RAFFLE GOING?

285. KITTY, I'M ON FIRE!

286. I JUST ROLLED 4 HARD 8s IN A ROW.

287. GOD IS BENDING THE LAWS OF PROBABILITY

288. JUST FOR ME!

289. HEY, WE... WON...

290. EVERYTHING!

291. YEAH, WE'RE JUST SUPERNATURALLY LUCKY.

292. MOM, I'VE GOT SOME BAD, BAD NEWS FOR YOU.

293. FOR EVERY ONE DOUGHNUT I GET,

294. DONNA GETS 11.

295. STORM'S A-BREWING.

296. ERIC, HOW COULD YOU LEAVE THE CAKEWALK?

297. JUST LOOK AT THOSE PEOPLE!

298. KITTY, HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING?

299. JUST GREAT. EVERYTHING'S GREAT.

300. YOU KIDS BUY A RAFFLE TICKET?

301. THIRD PRIZE IS A ROCK AND ROLL RECORD.

302. JOHN DENVER'S GREATEST HITS.

303. HE FILLS UP YOUR SENSES!

304. I ASKED FOR ONE DAY OF HELP,

305. AND THIS IS WHAT I GET?

306. UM... YEAH.

307. OH, WONDERFUL.

308. I STARTED OUT IN—IN GOD'S MAGIC CIRCLE

309. AND ENDED UP IN SATAN'S EVIL SQUARE.

310. I CAN'T BELIEVE ANY OF YOU CAN WALK INTO A CHURCH

311. WITHOUT BURSTING INTO FLAMES.

312. KITTY, WE'RE—

313. OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST FORGET IT, JUST GO.

314. AND PLEASE LEAVE YOUR ILL-GOTTEN GAINS.

315. I WON THEM! THEY'RE MINE!

316. HI, MOM! WE'RE SORRY!

317. VERY SORRY!

318. WELCOME HOME!

319. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

320. OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?

321. JUST STOP. I'M NOT MAD AT YOU.

322. YOU'RE NOT? NO.

323. ON MY WAY HOME WHILE DREAMING ABOUT

324. BEING MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE

325. AND HAVING HIS CHILDREN...

326. I, UM, I REALIZED THAT THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

327. ALL RIGHT!

328. HOLD ON. THIS MAY BE A TRAP.

329. NO! I SHOULDN'T HAVE FORCED YOU TO COME WITH ME

330. WHEN WHAT I REALLY WANTED WAS JUST—

331. JUST TO DO SOMETHING FOR MYSELF.

332. LOOK, KITTY, I'M SORRY.

333. AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING

334. THAT YOU WANT TO DO FROM NOW ON,

335. YOU SHOULD GO AND DO IT IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

336. AND WE'LL SUPPORT YOU BY...

337. NOT GOING WITH YOU.

338. WOULD THAT BE GOOD?

339. YES. THANK YOU, RED.

340. GOOD. YOU'RE WELCOME.

341. WOW.

342. YOU AND MOM, YOU WERE—

343. YOU WERE FIGHTING, AND THEN YOU JUST MADE UP.

344. AND YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN MARRIED, FOR, LIKE, A MILLION YEARS.

345. THAT FILLS MY HEART WITH HOPE.

346. THAT'S IT. YOU'RE GOING IN THE ARMY.

347. SHE WAS SCARY.

348. REALLY SCARY.

349. OK, EXORCIST SCARY!

350. FEZ, YOU HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH HER.

351. OK, YOU TWO ARE OVERREACTING.

352. SHE IS A LITTLE LOONEY, BUT SHE WOULDN'T HURT YOU.

353. HEY!

354. HELLO, MY SWEET GIRLFRIEND.

355. WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS!

356. TOUCH FEZ AND DIE!

357. STOP IT! THESE ARE MY FRIENDS!

358. OH, REALLY? DID THEY SHOPLIFT

359. $30 WORTH OF INDELIBLE INK MARKERS

360. AND WRITE YOUR NAME ON EVERY INCH OF THEIR ROOM?

361. EVERY INCH! DID THEY?

362. UM...

363. DID YOU GUYS DO THAT?

364. NO! NO!

365. WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT.

366. UM, CAROLINE...

367. I HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH YOU.

368. WHY?

369. AND DON'T SAY IT'S BECAUSE I'M CRAZY

370. BECAUSE I'M NOT CRAZY.

371. OH... OH...

372. OH, NO!

373. O-OF COURSE NOT! IT'S JUST, UH, IT'S JUST, UM...

374. DONNA AND I ARE IN LOVE.

375. WHAT?

376. OH, MY GOD. EWW!

377. YES, WE ARE FREAKY FOR EACH OTHER.

378. PLEASE, TELL HER, PLEASE!

379. WHAT IF SHE TRIES TO KILL ME?

380. YOU'RE A GIANT. YOU CAN TAKE HER.

381. OH, MY GOD.

382. YOU'RE REALLY BREAKING UP WITH ME?

383. IS THAT OK?

384. FEZ...

385. I JUST WANT TO SAY

386. THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE AS HAPPY

387. AS YOU WERE WITH ME!

388. EVER. AND UNTIL YOU REALIZE THAT,

389. I'LL BE SEEING YOU.

390. AND BY I'LL BE SEEING YOU,

391. I MEAN THAT I'LL BE WATCHING YOU,

392. BUT YOU WON'T KNOW IT,

393. EXCEPT I JUST TOLD YOU, SO YOU DO KNOW IT.

394. ANYWAY... THIS...

395. ISN'T... OVER.

396. WHEW!

397. SURE AM GLAD THAT'S OVER.

398. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER COMPANY L.L.C. AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

399. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE - www.ncicap.org—

400. 1... 2...

401. 3... GO!

402. OH, DAMN IT.

403. DAMN IT.

404. ALL RIGHT, MINE'S BROKEN.

405. ROBOTS ARE STUPID!

406. PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE