1. Kelso, what's with
the gym shorts?
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2. Oh.
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3. Something happened.
I had to take my pants off.
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4. Do you shave your legs?
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5. No. They're just
naturally smooth.
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6. Shut up!
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7. Not to worry, Kelso.
The Puberty Bunny
will visit you soon.
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8. So, lab partner,
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9. I guess you and I are
gonna be spending a lot of
time together now, huh?
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10. Yeah, Shelly.
And good thing, too,
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11. 'cause, you know,
I just shouldn't be alone
around a Bunsen burner.
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12. That is so funny!
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13. Let me go tell my friends
you're driving me home.
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14. Looks like Shelly
has a thing for Forman.
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15. Yes, and Forman has
a thing for Shelly.
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16. And it's in his pants.
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17. Oh, good one, Fez.
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18. Watch. Shelly's
gonna invite you over
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19. to her house when
her folks aren't home.
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20. That's what slutty girls do.
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21. So, Eric, my parents
aren't home.
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22. Let's go to my house.
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23. Don't you have a girlfriend?
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24. Yeah. That's what's
great about it.
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25. See, maybe Donna
will get jealous,
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26. and her and Shelly
will wrestle over you.
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27. Kelso, that's the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.
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28. Oh, yeah?
Think about it.
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29. He's mine!
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30. No, he's mine!
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31. I had him first!
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32. You're going down!
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33. Kelso, that's the smartest
thing I've ever heard.
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34. Hello, Wisconsin!
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35. Are you sure you
don't want to study
at my house?
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36. I mean, it's just
sitting there all empty.
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37. No, come on,
this place was made...
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38. This place was
made for studying!
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39. Well, okay.
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40. Hey, Eric.
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41. Hey, Shelly, look.
It's my girlfriend, Donna.
Hi, girlfriend Donna.
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42. Hi, Donna.
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43. You know,
Eric, we'll do this later,
when we can be alone.
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44. To study.
We were just studying.
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45. Eric, you gotta hear this.
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46. We were just studying!
Donna, that's all.
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47. Eric, I'm telling
a story here.
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48. Kelso was running
through the cafeteria
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49. and there were
these mashed potatoes
on the floor, and...
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50. She's just my lab partner,
so mellow out! God!
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51. Uh-huh. So Kelso
slips on the potatoes,
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52. slides into a pole
with his legs spread,
totally racks himself
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53. and everybody starts
throwing their carrots
and their cheese at him
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54. chanting, "Tater nuts!
Tater nuts!"
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55. It was awesome!
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56. So, wait.
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57. Even though I'm
spending time with Shelly,
you're not jealous?
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58. I'm sorry,
but you and Shelly?
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59. What does that mean?
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60. It means that she
can have anyone.
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61. And what does that mean?
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62. - You're sweet.
- Get off of me!
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63. Well, there's
the little patient.
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64. So how'd it go
at the doctor's?
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65. Well, let me
put it this way.
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66. If a horse is in good shape,
they say it's healthy as me.
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67. Uh-huh.
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68. And did they say
something about
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69. your pants being
on fire, liar, liar?
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70. No.
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71. I just got off the phone
with Dr. Leggett.
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72. He said your blood pressure
is through the roof.
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73. Well, Kitty,
who are you gonna believe?
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74. Some quack doctor
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75. or the man who stood by you
while you delivered
our children?
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76. Oh, you did not.
You went out for a sub.
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77. Red, from now on,
I am gonna make
sure you eat right.
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78. No meat,
no cheese and no beer.
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79. No beer? You...
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80. Ohh! Oh.
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81. That's it, Kitty!
You've killed me.
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82. I see the light.
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83. What's that, Lord?
It's okay to eat meat
and beer and cheese?
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84. Okay, I'll tell her.
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85. What that's, Lord?
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86. Dry toast and oatmeal.
Will do.
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87. Man, Donna saw Shelly
practically living in my lap.
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88. How could she
not be jealous?
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89. I'm hot.
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90. It's because you are decent,
good-hearted and pure.
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91. You know, a sissy.
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92. Forman,
I think what we need here
is some input from Tater Nuts.
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93. Tater Nuts, what do
you think, Tater Nuts?
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94. Eric, this...
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95. Hey!
Stop calling me Tater Nuts!
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96. If Donna's not jealous,
I mean, it means,
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97. basically,
you're in the free and clear.
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98. She's giving you
the okay to cheat.
You gotta cheat.
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99. Tater Nuts makes sense.
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100. Quit it!
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101. I mean, I could be
with Shelly right now
if I wanted to.
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102. So why shouldn't I?
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103. Because then you
would have two women
when some people have none!
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104. Forget it, Forman.
You're not a cheater.
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105. You know,
a wise man once said,
"Know thyself."
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106. That man's name
was Tater Nuts.
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107. I gotta be honest
with you guys. Okay, I...
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108. I do shave my legs.
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109. I just like the way it feels.
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110. No! Come on, now!
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111. Hey, Donna.
Look, we're not gonna
be able to hang out tonight.
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112. I gotta go to
the library with Shelly.
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113. Okay, that's cool.
We can just hang
out tomorrow night.
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114. No. Yeah, no.
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115. See, yeah, I'm gonna
have my hands full
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116. with this project
that's due in a few days,
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117. so I'll be off
alone with Shelly.
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118. She doesn't wear a bra,
you know.
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119. Yeah, whatever. Bye.
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120. Uh-oh.
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121. Farmhand got
a hold of the rich lady.
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122. Oh. Hi, kids.
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123. Your dad's not
really a farmhand.
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124. Yeah. It's just
a little intimacy game
we're playing.
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125. - And it's fun!
- Yeah.
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126. I'm sorry you
had to see that.
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127. I'm sorry
I had to see that.
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128. Yeah, well, you know,
Shelly's waiting for me, so...
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129. Yeah, Eric, you said that.
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130. Okay, bye.
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131. He usually gives
me a kiss goodbye.
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132. Yeah. To be honest,
it kind of grosses me out.
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133. Wait, Jackie,
should I be worried that
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134. he's spending so
much time with Shelly?
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135. Okay, well, normally
I'd say yeah,
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136. but Eric would
never cheat on you.
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137. I mean, all guys cheat,
but I never really
thought of Eric as a guy.
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138. Yeah, he's more like
a really masculine girl.
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139. Uh-huh.
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140. Yeah, kind of like you.
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141. Mmm, lookee,
lookee, lookee!
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142. Ribs, corn bread
and baked beans.
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143. Come to Papa!
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144. Ow!
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145. Papa been slapped.
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146. No, now,
that food's for the kids.
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147. But here,
I boiled you some
skinless chicken.
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148. Ew! It's gray!
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149. Laurie!
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150. I mean, it's gray!
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151. Yay!
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152. Look, he's already home.
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153. I can't believe I
was so suspicious.
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154. He's such a good guy.
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155. I'm gonna write him a note.
A little "I love you."
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156. You know, Michael once
wrote me a sexy note.
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157. Except he can't
really spell,
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158. so I didn't know what I was
supposed to do to him.
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159. Oh, my God!
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160. Donna, you should
not leave your panties
in your boyfriend's car.
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161. I didn't.
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162. Oh.
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163. Oh!
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164. Oh.
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165. - Is this your card?
- No.
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166. - Is this your card?
- No.
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167. Ah, screw you.
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168. Hey, Kelso.
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169. I had a dream
about you last night.
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170. - Really?
- Yeah.
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171. We were doing stuff
and it was all
hot and sweaty
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172. and I just kept
calling your name
over and over,
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173. "Tater Nuts! Tater Nuts!"
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174. Then what?
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175. Hey, Laurie, I found
something in Eric's car
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176. that I think must
probably be yours.
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177. Is that...
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178. Oh, good heavens, it is.
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179. I'm in the presence
of panties.
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180. Donna, please.
I don't wear pink panties.
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181. Yeah. She'd have
to wear panties
to wear pink panties.
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182. Hyde, did you have
a girl in Eric's car?
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183. No. Oh, but I did have
some nachos in there.
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184. And to mess with Forman,
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185. I smeared cheese
underneath the seat
so it'd really stink.
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186. - Did it stink in there?
- Kind of.
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187. All right!
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188. Well, then,
whose are they?
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189. Hello? You have
not asked me.
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190. Could they not
be Fez's panties?
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191. I mean,
is that so hard to imagine,
Fez in a car with a woman?
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192. Whose could they be?
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193. All right, Donna, here.
I'll figure this out.
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194. I like to think of myself
as the Columbo of panties.
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195. Yeah. I'd say we're
looking at a woman.
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196. Ages 16 to 38
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197. with a five-figure income.
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198. She lives within
a four-mile radius of here
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199. and is very popular
with the gentlemen.
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200. Sure she is.
She'll have sex in a car
that stinks like cheese.
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201. So what you're saying is
they could be Shelly's.
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202. Come on.
Forman wouldn't
cheat on Donna.
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203. Sure, he would.
Shelly's a tramp.
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204. No man can
turn down a tramp.
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205. Well, let's find out.
Laurie, have you
ever been turned down?
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206. Nope.
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207. Sorry, Donna.
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208. Don't feel sorry for me.
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209. Feel sorry for Eric,
'cause I'm gonna kill him!
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210. Will somebody please
open the door so
I can kill Eric?
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211. Hey there, Red.
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212. Does Mrs. Forman
know you're out here
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213. clogging your arteries
with a double cheese?
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214. Yes.
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215. So there would be no
reason to tell her.
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216. Sorry, Red. I don't think
I could lie to Mrs. Forman.
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217. 'Cause I really,
really love her.
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218. All right,
you blackmailing S.O.B.,
what do you want?
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219. Sure could use some fries.
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220. Here. Now beat it.
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221. You don't have to be rude.
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222. What if this wasn't
even the first time?
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223. What if there have
been other girls?
Other panties?
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224. Eric, where did
these panties come from?
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225. Gee, I don't know,
but there's nothing
in the dresser.
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226. Nothing at all.
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227. Okay, but at least my
closet is pantie-free.
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228. Donna, you have my word.
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229. Okay, Donna, please,
ignore the rope in
the middle of the room.
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230. And whatever you do,
don't pull it.
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231. Eric, how do you
explain all this?
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232. Panties!
Glorious panties!
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233. Bastard!
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234. Hey, there, Donna.
Where are you going?
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235. To The Hub,
to kick Eric's ass!
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236. Yeah, well,
kick it good.
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237. Jackie, why is Donna
gonna beat up Eric?
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238. Donna found
another woman's panties
in the Vista Cruiser.
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239. Oh, no.
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240. I know, right?
Eric's cheating on her.
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241. Jackie,
those panties were mine.
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242. You and Eric?
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243. No! Me and...
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244. Jeez, you're dumb.
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245. Now, remember,
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246. we can't have
the protons and electrons
right next to each other
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247. because that
would just be madness.
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248. Madness, I say!
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249. Eric Forman,
you are just the funniest
person I've ever met.
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250. No, I wouldn't go as...
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251. Yes. Yes, I am.
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252. Doesn't your girlfriend
mind you spending so
much time with me?
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253. Well, no. Apparently,
she's thrilled about it.
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254. Well, she's crazy.
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255. 'Cause if I was
your girlfriend,
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256. I would want to
kiss you all the time.
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257. Really?
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258. Whoa! Hey, come on,
lady. I'm spoken for.
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259. Wow!
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260. Hey, did we miss anything?
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261. What? God, no.
You didn't miss anything.
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262. All right, people!
Let's back up!
Give them some room here!
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263. Hey, Donna, hi, hello.
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264. Don't "Hey,
Donna, hi, hello" me.
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265. I trusted you,
and you cheated on
me with this slut!
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266. - Uh, Donna, I don't...
- Excuse me?
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267. Yeah, I said it.
You want some of this?
Come on!
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268. Donna, hey, whatever
you think happened...
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269. I know what happened.
I found these in your car!
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270. Panties?
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271. Ah-ha. So he
admits they are panties.
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272. Hey, next time you
fool around with someone
else's boyfriend,
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273. why don't you
take your panties
when you're done?
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274. Those aren't mine.
Mine are white,
and cotton.
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275. With a little pink
rose in the front.
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276. So these are some
other girl's panties?
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277. Whoa, whoa.
No offense, Donna, but,
dude, you're on fire!
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278. You know what, Eric?
I don't need this.
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279. And by the way,
your car smells like cheese.
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280. Donna, look,
you have to believe me.
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281. I have no idea
whose panties those are.
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282. Donna, those panties are mine.
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283. Eric!
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284. Ohh!
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285. You are a god!
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286. A god, I say!
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287. Um, Mom,
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288. why were your panties
in the Vista Cruiser?
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289. And please be as specific.
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290. Donna,
when you've been together
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291. as long as your
father and I have,
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292. you need to do creative things
in creative places.
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293. - Ooh!
- Ohh!
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294. That's...
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295. Psst.
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296. Daddy, here.
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297. Red, you eating again?
I thought you'd be
full after that burger.
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298. Burger?
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299. Yeah, the broccoli burger.
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300. Oh, you are lying!
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301. Come on, Kitty.
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302. This isn't food.
This is what food eats.
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303. Well, but it's good for you.
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304. Well, if it's so good,
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305. how come
I'm the only one
that has to eat it?
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306. Good point.
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307. Hey, he's the food sneaker!
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308. Eat up.
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309. You wanna mess
with me again?
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310. You just come on back.
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311. - Say it again.
- I already said it.
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312. Come on, one more time.
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313. You're hot.
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314. Hot enough to get Shelly?
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315. Hot enough to get Shelly.
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316. Hot enough to get
any girl I want?
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317. Hot enough to get Shelly.
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318. Yeah. That's just good stuff.
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319. You know, Eric,
you don't have to rub it in.
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320. I know I made
an ass out of myself.
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321. Well, you know what?
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322. That's what you get
for taking me for granted.
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323. 'Cause, Donna,
I may be skinny, but...
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324. Yeah, I'm Mick Jagger skinny.
That's very in right now.
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325. Yeah, it's very hot.
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326. Eric, I know you're hot,
'cause you're with me.
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327. Okay. So what have we learnt
from all this?
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328. Always lock the doors
in the Vista Cruiser.
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329. Right you are.
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330. Man, Bob and Midge
must really hate me.
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331. 'Cause right after
having sex in my car,
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332. I think they smeared cheese
under the seat.
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333. That's just mean.
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334. There. Okay, I think it's safe
for human occupancy again.
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335. Uh-oh.
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336. Looks like Bob left something
in the car, too.
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337. Eric, you must sell this car.
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338. Or call a priest.
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