The Eric Andre Show 1x4

Directed by

Brandi Glanville as Self • Lisa Stanley as Self • Killer Mike as Self

Eric and Hannibal pretend to be News Anchors. Andre plays basketball in a werewolf costume.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Ladies and gentlemen, "the Eric Andre show"!

2. Mmm!

3. Okay. Uh...

4. So, uh [ Clears throat ]

5. So, um, uh, guns n' roses, they

6. just got into the

7. rock and roll hall of fame.

8. Chinese democracy?

9. Yeah, right... more like

10. Taiwanese constitutional

11. monarchy.

12. Horrible punch line.

13. Uh, uh, so, uh, Santa claus,

14. h-he's running for

15. president soon because

16. i-I'm sorry, y'all.

17. But I've been meaning to do this

18. for a long-ass time.

19. Yea-a-a-h.

20. Sir, sir, or, ma'am, what do you think about the allegations?

21. A couple of questions, ma'am.

22. Ma'am, what do you think

23. about the allegations?

24. Sir, please ignore me a-and put

25. your arm up.

26. Please ignore me, sir.

27. What do you have to say for

28. yourself?

29. What are you talking about?

30. Where do you stand?

31. What is happening?

32. What about the photos, ma'am?

33. Do you think the photos are

34. gonna play a role?

35. Are you serious?

36. Where do you stand on the

37. issue?

38. Why is someone foll... um, I

39. don't know.

40. Channel 43. Uh, is it true?

41. Is it true?

42. No, is it...

43. My client won't speak on

44. these allegations right now.

45. Hey, come on, man!

46. Get the bonsai plants.

47. Hey, don't worry about my

48. client or her plants.

49. I don't feel well, man.

50. I'm trapped in a job I don't

51. care for!

52. Every weekend, slater!

53. I do process in a court of law

54. and all that stuff.

55. Look at my suit.

56. Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

57. o-our next guest is, uh

58. Brandi glanville.

59. B-Brandi glanville.

60. Hey.

61. Whoo!

62. Up top!

63. Boom! Hello. Have a seat. Enjoy yourself.

64. Um

65. You are a reality star.

66. You're an actress.

67. You're a model.

68. You are crystal Pepsi

69. personified.

70. Tell me your name one more time.

71. Brandi glan

72. you are a... you are on a

73. show.

74. Yeah, I'm on a show.

75. Yeah, "the real housewives of

76. Beverly Hills."

77. "Beverly Hills 90210."

78. Hello.

79. When was the first time you

80. did the "Macarena"?

81. Oh, I forgot you were there!

82. How'd you forget I

83. it's, like, a little creepy

84. having him, like, hover over,

85. right?

86. Shut up.

87. You're creepy.

88. I-I can understand that.

89. You... why do you keep switching

90. back to your glasses?

91. Huh?

92. You just keep switching your

93. glasses out.

94. I've never switched glasses.

95. I swore you had, like, black

96. ray-bans on.

97. I don't support the ray-ban

98. company.

99. You don't?

100. No.

101. Where do you get your

102. glasses?

103. Lenscrafters.

104. Oh, that's a good one.

105. They have one in, uh, Walmart

106. now.

107. Like, you can just go in there.

108. It's open like 24 hours.

109. I don't support Walmart

110. either.

111. Oh. [ Laughing ]

112. I'm more of a small-business

113. type of guy.

114. Well, lenscrafters is a giant.

115. Chain.

116. Like jamba juice.

117. Right.

118. Y-Your glasses say "ray-ban."

119. I'm not gonna lie.

120. I swear I just saw it on the

121. side.

122. Oh, man.

123. What's the... what's the

124. farthest you ever got with a

125. woman?

126. Uh, really?

127. Yeah, cards on the [bleep]

128. Table.

129. I've gone all the way.

130. Really?

131. Yeah.

132. Wh... who are these women?

133. Lesbians.

134. Would you describe your womb

135. as being barren?

136. My womb... I have two small

137. children.

138. Um, so it's been occupied.

139. It is now, I guess

140. Andrew, you know, I can hear

141. you talking the whole [bleep]

142. Interview, man.

143. It's just really frustrating,

144. dude.

145. Sorry. I-I don't know

146. hey!

147. Hey.

148. Hey. Sorry.

149. Hey, Andrew, can I talk to you

150. for a second?

151. Oh, no.

152. And bend over.

153. I want to talk to you.

154. Oh, my god!

155. When I'm [bleep] doing the

156. show, shut up!

157. Man!

158. Ladies and gentlemen, this is tonight's top 1 list.

159. Tonight's category... top 1 reasons to go to a Korean strip club.

160. And number one is

161. the tits.

162. Wait, is that, like, a twist

163. 'cause Koreans don't have big

164. tits?

165. Hey.

166. I don't... I don't

167. that's your desk.

168. What the [bleep]

169. Recently, Pakistani officials stated that NATO aircraft had killed at least 12 combatants

170. along the southeastern Afghan

171. border.

172. Here to comment on the news is

173. vice president Joe Biden.

174. Ugh! What the hell? Joe, shouldn't we not mess

175. with Pakistan?

176. I mean, they have nukes.

177. That's a... I under

178. I understand.

179. Paul tsongas? What up? Where you all know each other

180. from?

181. ♪ Joe Biden ♪ ♪ what are ya hidin'? ♪ ♪ you and tsongas get a room ♪

182. Hey!

183. ♪ Joe Biden ♪

184. ♪ crunchy and delicious ♪

185. ♪ when roasted with barbecue

186. sauce ♪

187. ♪ pardon the conspiracy,

188. but 9/11 never happened ♪

189. ♪ hey, legalize the ganj-a-a-a ♪

190. The lord... May or may not be real!

191. Who is to say that god exists?!

192. Jesus

193. did some stuff

194. maybe.

195. Shout if you have doubt!

196. Shout!

197. Where my lonely drifters at?!

198. I believe. I believe.

199. ♪ Believe, I believe ♪

200. ♪ I believe, I believe ♪

201. Yeah!

202. You have somebody to worship

203. now.

204. You can see our next comedian defend his ufc middleweight championship belt this Saturday

205. night at the funny bone in

206. schaumburg, Indiana.

207. Please give it up for

208. t.p. "Pitchfork" bulger!

209. You want a piece of me?!

210. Sir! Hey, sir! Sir, what do you think of the situation?

211. Where do you stand on the

212. issues?

213. Which issues?

214. All of them. All of them.

215. All the issues.

216. Are there any documents on

217. channel 43?

218. I don't know what you're

219. talking about.

220. Where are the documents, sir?

221. Where is the situation with

222. the documents?

223. What is a document?

224. Which documents?

225. I mean, uh

226. can you tell your fans what

227. happened to the documents?

228. All of the documents.

229. Sir, please, all of the

230. documents.

231. My client only speaks to

232. cable news.

233. My client will not speak with

234. you.

235. Give me a little kiss.

236. No comments.

237. Will you give me a little

238. kiss?

239. Will you give me a little kiss,

240. sir?

241. This is enough.

242. Ladies and gentlemen, our musical guest of the evening, opera singer Lisa Stanley and

243. her hype man, killer Mike.

244. [ Rapping ] ♪ we singin' opera, ho ♪

245. ♪ we singin' opera, ho ♪

246. ♪ and I'm in love with a

247. nigga ♪

248. ♪ I'm in love with you, nigga ♪

249. ♪ I eat you like you pasta,

250. man ♪

251. ♪ we get hot like we so rastas ♪

252. ♪ those hos really don't

253. love you, man ♪

254. ♪ those hos don't like their own

255. kind ♪

256. ♪ this math is more they see,

257. nigga ♪

258. ♪ I have no gang, briefly seen ♪

259. ♪ [bleep] Up all the hos ♪

260. ♪ yeah [bleep] ♪

261. ♪ Nigga ♪