1. Daffy!Copy !req
2. You don't gotta shout.
I'm right here, man.Copy !req
3. - Why are there lobsters
in my swimming pool?Copy !req
4. - Because your bathtub
wasn't big enough.Copy !req
5. There you go.
Just like the ocean.Copy !req
6. - Why do you have lobsters at all?
- I'm gonna sell 'em.Copy !req
7. Lobsters go for $20 a pound.Copy !req
8. I bet this chubber bubber
will fetch 100 bucks easy.Copy !req
9. A relatively painless way to make a living,
if I do say so myself.Copy !req
10. Ow!Copy !req
11. Blaah!Copy !req
12. Relatively painless.Copy !req
13. The Looney Tunes Show, Season 2, Episode 13
"Daffy Duck Esquire"Copy !req
14. - Go.
- It's Tina.Copy !req
15. Oh, hey.
Let me ask you something.Copy !req
16. If someone were to turn
their bedroom into a nightclub,Copy !req
17. Would you be into that?Copy !req
18. - Don't turn your bedroom
into a nightclub.Copy !req
19. I said, "someone."Copy !req
20. - Listen, there's something
I gotta talk to you about.Copy !req
21. My dad's coming into town.Copy !req
22. Oh, meet the parents.Copy !req
23. - How long's he here?
- A week...Copy !req
24. But you're not gonna meet him.Copy !req
25. - Wait a second.
You didn't tell him about us?Copy !req
26. - Yeah. I told him I have
a boyfriend named Daffy Duck...Copy !req
27. and that's all he needs to know.Copy !req
28. Are you ashamed of me?Copy !req
29. You think your dad
won't like me?Copy !req
30. Why? 'cause I ain't
got no class?Copy !req
31. 'cause I ain't got no money,
no job, no education?Copy !req
32. Yeah, all that stuff.Copy !req
33. - Well, your dad sounds
very judgmental.Copy !req
34. - Look, Daffy, those things
don't matter to me.Copy !req
35. You know I love you,
but my dad's tough.Copy !req
36. He doesn't think
anyone's good enough for me.Copy !req
37. I'll call you when he leaves.Copy !req
38. Hey, dad!Copy !req
39. So glad you made it!Copy !req
40. People need to chill out.Copy !req
41. Aah!Copy !req
42. Hey, Bugs. What you doin'?Copy !req
43. - I'm going to the beach
to set some lobsters free.Copy !req
44. Oh, fun. I'd love to come with you...Copy !req
45. but I'm allergic to shellfish.Copy !req
46. Uh...Copy !req
47. - Hey, Daffy. You and Tina wanna do
something with me and Bugs this week?Copy !req
48. - I'm not allowed to see Tina this week.
Her dad's in town.Copy !req
49. - So?
- She doesn't want me to meet him.Copy !req
50. She doesn't think he'll like me.Copy !req
51. - Well, you're gonna have
to meet him at some point.Copy !req
52. I mean, don't you plan
on being with Tina forever?Copy !req
53. I hope so.Copy !req
54. Well, then, at some point
you're gonna have to ask him...Copy !req
55. for his daughter's hand
in marriage.Copy !req
56. Do people still do that?Copy !req
57. - Daffy, Tina's not gonna
wait on you forever.Copy !req
58. She's a catch.
You are lucky to have her.Copy !req
59. I mean, you ain't got no class.Copy !req
60. You ain't got no money,
no job, no education.Copy !req
61. So what do I do?Copy !req
62. - I don't know,
but if you wanna keep Tina...Copy !req
63. then you're gonna
have to convince her dad...Copy !req
64. that you're good enough for her.Copy !req
65. See that place over there?Copy !req
66. - You mean
that rinky-dink copy store?Copy !req
67. That's where I work. I'm the
assistant general manager.Copy !req
68. - Well, as far as I'm concerned,
you shouldn't have to work.Copy !req
69. That so-called boyfriend of yours...Copy !req
70. he should be the one taking care of you.Copy !req
71. Dad, I like working.Copy !req
72. - And what does this Daffy Duck
do for a living, anyway?Copy !req
73. - Tell me.
- Oh, you know, stuff.Copy !req
74. - Stuff?
What do you mean, stuff?Copy !req
75. Are you telling me
that he's unemployed?Copy !req
76. - Dad, Daffy's a good guy.
He's...Copy !req
77. - A lawyer?
- A what?Copy !req
78. - Why didn't you
tell me he was a lawyer?Copy !req
79. I mean, that's fantastic.
This is great.Copy !req
80. When am I gonna meet
this wonderful person?Copy !req
81. Oh, you know, I don't know.Copy !req
82. I'm sure he's very busy
being a liar.Copy !req
83. I mean a lawyer.Copy !req
84. - Honey, a young man
is never too busy...Copy !req
85. to meet his girlfriend's father.
Remember that.Copy !req
86. I can't believe
that you're dating a lawyer.Copy !req
87. I can't, either.Copy !req
88. Oh, hi, Tina.Copy !req
89. So you're here to see Daffy?
Is this your dad?Copy !req
90. Hi. I'm Lola, Daffy's secretary.Copy !req
91. Can I get you a cup of coffee
or a banana milkshake?Copy !req
92. A coffee is fine.Copy !req
93. - Uh, Mr. Duck,
we have some visitors.Copy !req
94. I'll be right out.
Let me just wrap up this call...Copy !req
95. with the supreme court.Copy !req
96. You must be Mr. Russo.Copy !req
97. It's such a pleasure to meet the father
of the most wonderful woman in the world.Copy !req
98. You can call me Frank.Copy !req
99. - We saw your face
on a bus bench.Copy !req
100. Oh, that was Lola's idea.
Gets the firm's name out there.Copy !req
101. Nothing wrong with a little hustle.
Am I right, Frank?Copy !req
102. - Well, this has been a lot of fun, but
we gotta get you checked in to the hotel.Copy !req
103. - Hotel? Hush.
You can't stay at a hotel.Copy !req
104. - You'll stay at my house.
- No, no, no, no.Copy !req
105. - Oh, no, really?
Oh, that would be great.Copy !req
106. I... I hate hotels.Copy !req
107. Then stay at my place.Copy !req
108. - Honey, your apartment
is too small.Copy !req
109. That's why I was
staying at a hotel.Copy !req
110. - No, no. I insist
you stay at my house.Copy !req
111. What good is it to be successful
enough to own your own home...Copy !req
112. with a pool in an upscale neighborhood
if you can't share it?Copy !req
113. - Then it's all settled.
Now come on, Tina.Copy !req
114. We've taken up entirely too much
of this fine young man's time.Copy !req
115. Ahem. Lola,
will you get judge judy on the line?Copy !req
116. And I'll have
another banana milkshake.Copy !req
117. Are you Daffy Duck?Copy !req
118. Do I look like Daffy Duck?Copy !req
119. I just need a signature.Copy !req
120. What did he order now?Copy !req
121. - Bring her in!
- Bring who in?Copy !req
122. Bugs, I'm home! Hope you
didn't make a big dinner.Copy !req
123. I'm kind of filled up
on banana milkshakes.Copy !req
124. My pony's here!Copy !req
125. - He's great.
- It's a she.Copy !req
126. - She's great.
- Why did you order a pony?Copy !req
127. - Pony rides
can be very lucrative.Copy !req
128. We got Gossamer
living across the street.Copy !req
129. He's got a bunch
of little kid friends.Copy !req
130. We charge 'em 10 bucks a ride, bing,
bam, boom, money in my pocket.Copy !req
131. Well, you're the one
who got rid of the lobsters.Copy !req
132. Where's she gonna sleep?Copy !req
133. Out here with Taz.Copy !req
134. Don't worry about it.
It's not your problem.Copy !req
135. No, wait. Right now, I've got my
hands full pretending to be a lawyer,Copy !req
136. So it is your problem.Copy !req
137. - Why are you pretending
to be a lawyer?Copy !req
138. - Because Tina's dad is in town,
and I need to impress him.Copy !req
139. That's them now.Copy !req
140. Oh, one more thing.Copy !req
141. I told him he could stay here
while he's in town.Copy !req
142. Why did you do that?Copy !req
143. I can't lose Tina.
I need him to like me.Copy !req
144. fine.Copy !req
145. - Oh. I also told him
this is my house...Copy !req
146. and you're my loser,
deadbeat roommate...Copy !req
147. who I'm letting stay here
until you get back on your feet.Copy !req
148. I'm not just successful, you know.
I'm also compassionate.Copy !req
149. Frank.Copy !req
150. - What in the world is that
ridiculous thing in the driveway?Copy !req
151. - Oh, it's my...
I mean, it's, uh... it's, uh...Copy !req
152. - It's my parade float.
I made it out of old newspapers.Copy !req
153. It seemed like a good use
of 21/2 years of my life.Copy !req
154. - Oh, you. You must be
the deadbeat roommate.Copy !req
155. It's awfully nice of Daffy
to let you stay here.Copy !req
156. Ho ho ho. You have no idea.Copy !req
157. I don't have to pay
for anything around here...Copy !req
158. Rent, food.Copy !req
159. I just take, take, take.Copy !req
160. Ah, Daffy's a saint
to put up with me.Copy !req
161. Wow, Daffy, You have some beautiful home here.Copy !req
162. - Thank you very much.
I like it.Copy !req
163. Let me get you
something to drink.Copy !req
164. - Mm-hmm. And what is it
that, uh, you do again?Copy !req
165. Nothing, really.Copy !req
166. I mean, I've gone months
without leaving the house.Copy !req
167. Until this morning, I was running a
lobster farm out of the swimming pool...Copy !req
168. but now I'm on to pony rides.Copy !req
169. Next week, who knows?Copy !req
170. You see, I'm more of an idea guy
than a hard-work, follow-through kind of guy.Copy !req
171. Come on. I'll show you the pony.Copy !req
172. Huh. Would you look at that?Copy !req
173. No telling how old this is.Copy !req
174. Want a bite?Copy !req
175. I think your dad likes me.Copy !req
176. - Are you out of your mind?
Pretending to be a lawyer?Copy !req
177. - Tina, everyone knows
that a father...Copy !req
178. wants his daughter to be with
either a doctor or a lawyer...Copy !req
179. and I couldn't pretend to be a doctor...Copy !req
180. because the last time I did that,
I almost killed someone.Copy !req
181. I'm gonna almost kill you.Copy !req
182. This is crazy.Copy !req
183. I thought you'd be happy.Copy !req
184. I swear I can never predict
your reaction to things.Copy !req
185. So this is your plan?Copy !req
186. Just lie to my father
for the rest of your life?Copy !req
187. - I'm doing this for us.
I want your dad to like me...Copy !req
188. so that he'll say yes when
I ask for your hand in marriage.Copy !req
189. What?Copy !req
190. Relax. Not now.Copy !req
191. One day in the future,
when you have a better job...Copy !req
192. and you can afford to give us
the lifestyle we deserve.Copy !req
193. Well, I'm not a real wizard.Copy !req
194. It just says that
on my business cards.Copy !req
195. - Dad, are you sure
you don't wanna stay with me?Copy !req
196. - No, no, no, honey.
I'm fine, believe me.Copy !req
197. Daffy'll take good care of me.Copy !req
198. You don't hear that every day.Copy !req
199. - Sorry I have
to work tomorrow.Copy !req
200. - We'll be fine. It'll give your
dad and me a chance to hang out.Copy !req
201. - Uh, don't you
have to work tomorrow?Copy !req
202. Oh, right. I'm a lawyer.Copy !req
203. - What time do you usually
get in to the office?Copy !req
204. - I don't know.
Usually roll in around noon.Copy !req
205. He's at his desk at 6:30.Copy !req
206. - In the morning?
- Don't look at me.Copy !req
207. I didn't tell you
to become a lawyer. Night!Copy !req
208. Good night, Frank.Copy !req
209. Nighty-night, guys.Copy !req
210. - Hey, Bugs, thanks for
going along with the charade.Copy !req
211. - I owe you one.
- Don't mention it.Copy !req
212. I'm serious. If you ever need legal
advice, you know who to call.Copy !req
213. An actual lawyer.Copy !req
214. Oh, right.Copy !req
215. What are you doing?
This is my room.Copy !req
216. - If I'm gonna pretend to be you,
might as well get into character.Copy !req
217. Sheesh. I really am filthy, aren't I?Copy !req
218. I should have pretended
to be a doctor.Copy !req
219. I have good news.Copy !req
220. Tina's dad went home early, and
I can get back to my old life?Copy !req
221. No. We got our first client.Copy !req
222. - Client? Who told you
to get a client?Copy !req
223. I thought we agreed
never to answer the phone.Copy !req
224. - But you said you were bored.
I thought you'd be happy.Copy !req
225. Swear I can never predict
your reaction to things.Copy !req
226. Daffy's one disturbed individual.Copy !req
227. What you reading there?Copy !req
228. - My diary. I'm learning
a lot about myself.Copy !req
229. - I wear a toupee?
- Really?Copy !req
230. Well, it's a really good one.Copy !req
231. I mean, I would have thought
that was your real hair.Copy !req
232. - I didn't know
you were a lawyer.Copy !req
233. I am this week.
So let me get this straight.Copy !req
234. You burned the roof of your
mouth on a slice of hot pizza,Copy !req
235. and now you want
to sue Pizzariba.Copy !req
236. Why didn't you just blow on it?Copy !req
237. No one told me to.Copy !req
238. I need to be protected
from myself.Copy !req
239. My mouth is ruined.
I can't talk no more.Copy !req
240. You're talking right now.Copy !req
241. Well, uh, I can't taste nothin' no more.Copy !req
242. mmm.Copy !req
243. This is good banana shake.Copy !req
244. You can really
taste that banana.Copy !req
245. - I don't know.
Suing Pizzariba?Copy !req
246. It just doesn't seem right.Copy !req
247. Speedy's a decent,
hardworking person.Copy !req
248. I've known him for years.
He lives in my house.Copy !req
249. - How many of you
are livin' over there?Copy !req
250. - Let's see.
There's me, Bugs, Speedy...Copy !req
251. Frank, and Taz.Copy !req
252. Oh, and we just got a pony.Copy !req
253. So will you take my case?Copy !req
254. - I'm sorry,
but Speedy's a friend.Copy !req
255. - Come on.
I heard about this lady...Copy !req
256. who burnt her tongue
on a cup of hot coffee...Copy !req
257. and she won a million dollars.Copy !req
258. A million dollars?Copy !req
259. Lola, why don't you go ahead
and draw up a contract?Copy !req
260. You got it.Copy !req
261. I'm sorry. What's a contract?Copy !req
262. Hoo!Copy !req
263. - Oh, hey. Where you going?
- Work.Copy !req
264. Work? It's Saturday. We were
gonna spend time with my dad.Copy !req
265. - Tina, you knew when you
decided to date a lawyer...Copy !req
266. that there would be sacrifices.Copy !req
267. For me, I'm afraid it's career,
then family.Copy !req
268. I've always been
upfront about this.Copy !req
269. - There's nothing upfront
about this!Copy !req
270. It's a giant lie!Copy !req
271. - I'll try to get home early,
but I can't promise anything.Copy !req
272. Dad. Bugs.Copy !req
273. We're out here, honey.Copy !req
274. What are you doing?Copy !req
275. A pony ride.Copy !req
276. Honey, I grew up in the concrete jungle.
I've never been on one of these things.Copy !req
277. I've never seen one of these things.
I mean, this is great.Copy !req
278. You wanna go next?Copy !req
279. No. I'm good.Copy !req
280. Hmm.Copy !req
281. - So Daffy can't hang out
with us today.Copy !req
282. He's gotta work.Copy !req
283. - Wow. That kid really keeps
his beak to the grindstone.Copy !req
284. Hey, Bugs, how 'bout you?
You got any plans today?Copy !req
285. Oh, I never have plans.Copy !req
286. Well, that's great. Come on.
Let's go grab some lunch.Copy !req
287. - I'll drive.
- Let's take the pony.Copy !req
288. Can you believe this guy? What a guy.Copy !req
289. No, I really can't.Copy !req
290. - Come on, Tina.
- I'll meet you there.Copy !req
291. Giddy-up! Yah! Yah!Copy !req
292. Giddy-up! Yee-hah!Copy !req
293. One slice of hot pizza.Copy !req
294. And we'll see just how hot.Copy !req
295. What are you doing?Copy !req
296. What's this?Copy !req
297. You just got served.Copy !req
298. You're suing me?Copy !req
299. On behalf of my client.Copy !req
300. Who is Samuel Rosenbaum?Copy !req
301. Our next-door neighbor, Sam.Copy !req
302. - Yosemite? He wants me to pay him a
million dollars because my pizza's hot?Copy !req
303. It's supposed to be hot.
Blow on it.Copy !req
304. - It's just business,
nothing personal.Copy !req
305. - Ok, then you
just got unserved.Copy !req
306. I'll see you in court.Copy !req
307. You're not a lawyer.Copy !req
308. Tell it to the judge.Copy !req
309. - We'll now hear opening statements
in the case of "Samuel RosenbaumCopy !req
310. Vs. Speedy Gonzales,
proprietor of Pizzariba."Copy !req
311. Mr. Duck, you may proceed.Copy !req
312. Thank you, your honor.Copy !req
313. The evidence that I
will present to you today...Copy !req
314. will prove beyond a shadow of a doubtCopy !req
315. that this gentleman,
"Speedy Gonzales,"Copy !req
316. Knowingly and willfully served
my client dangerously hot pizzaCopy !req
317. With no warning
and with no regard...Copy !req
318. for the physical and
emotional trauma that followed.Copy !req
319. I will prove that Mr. Gonzales'
carelessness was no accident...Copy !req
320. but instead the direct result
of his endless need for speed.Copy !req
321. We will show you that had Mr. Gonzales
simply taken more time...Copy !req
322. between the oven and the table
to allow the pizza to cool...Copy !req
323. then this senseless tragedy
could have been avoided.Copy !req
324. Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury...Copy !req
325. Mr. Gonzales likes to brag that he's
the fastest mouse in all of Mexico...Copy !req
326. but this is America,
and in America, speed can kill...Copy !req
327. or, in this case, burn.Copy !req
328. Thank you, your honor.Copy !req
329. Tchk.Copy !req
330. Mr. Gonzales.Copy !req
331. - Uh, yeah,
he's not a real lawyer.Copy !req
332. - Hmm. Well,
then this case is dismissed.Copy !req
333. Wow, that was fast.Copy !req
334. I didn't even have time
to get business cards printed.Copy !req
335. What about my million dollars?Copy !req
336. Why didn't you tell me
you weren't a real lawyer?Copy !req
337. Raah!Copy !req
338. Get them out of my courtroom.Copy !req
339. - tsk tsk tsk. Gringos.Copy !req
340. - What's the problem?
You went up the stairs.Copy !req
341. - Wish you didn't
have to go, dad.Copy !req
342. - Oh, me, too, honey.
It was such a fun trip.Copy !req
343. - attagirl.Copy !req
344. - Sorry you didn't get
to spend much time with Daffy.Copy !req
345. - Yeah, you know, honey,
it seems to me that, uh...Copy !req
346. you don't get to spend
much time with Daffy, either.Copy !req
347. - Huh?
- Sweetheart...Copy !req
348. I used to think that you needed
a guy with a good job...Copy !req
349. good education,
someone who could support you...Copy !req
350. but what good is any of that stuff
if you never see the guy?Copy !req
351. Seems to me
that Daffy is always working.Copy !req
352. And besides,
you can support yourself.Copy !req
353. You're smart.
You've got a good job.Copy !req
354. What you need is someone fun,Copy !req
355. Someone who keeps
life interesting...Copy !req
356. someone who makes you laugh...Copy !req
357. someone a little crazy...Copy !req
358. Someone like Bugs.Copy !req
359. - Bugs?
- Bugs?Copy !req
360. Frank, you got it all wrong.Copy !req
361. I made up the whole thing
so you'd like me.Copy !req
362. I'm not a lawyer.
This isn't even my house.Copy !req
363. This is Bugs' house.
I'm the deadbeat roommate.Copy !req
364. I'm the one who ain't got no
money, no job, no education.Copy !req
365. I'm the one for Tina!Copy !req
366. Wait a second. You lied to me?Copy !req
367. - He was afraid if he was himself,
you wouldn't like him.Copy !req
368. I was, too.Copy !req
369. - Dollface, do you love him?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
370. - Well, then that's
all that matters.Copy !req
371. - And how 'bout you?
You got any other secrets..Copy !req
372. that you're not telling me about? Huh?Copy !req
373. Ah, boy, I like this guy.Copy !req
374. I'm watchin' him,
but I like him.Copy !req
375. Me, too.Copy !req
376. So get this.Copy !req
377. Tina's dad likes the real me
more than the fake me.Copy !req
378. - Does that mean I can
stop pretending to be you?Copy !req
379. Yeah. Thanks again.Copy !req
380. - Eh, it was kinda fun,
actually.Copy !req
381. Though I wasn't quite sure what
I was supposed to do with this.Copy !req
382. My killer whale!Copy !req