The Looney Tunes Show 2x16

1. I'm going to the grocery store.

2. Oh, wait. Here.

3. Its just a few things.

4. A few things, huh?

5. What do you need with 16 tubes of lip balm?

6. - You don't have lips. - It's not for my lips.

7. I don't wanna know.

8. W-what's this, a drawing?

9. Yeah, I need some of those

10. uh, I forget what they're called.

11. Eggs?

12. Eggs! How do you remember that?

13. I take it you don't have any money.

14. Oh, thank you. Add that to the list, too.

15. What are these things? Oh, no.

16. Uh, excuse me. Uh, where are the carrots?

17. In your hand.

18. No, not these. The real ones.

19. The big ones. You know, with the stems.

20. Oh, yeah. We don't carry those anymore.

21. What do you mean you don't carry those anymore?

22. - No one was buyin' 'em. - I was buyin' 'em.

23. What's wrong with those?

24. "Peeled, bite-sized

25. baby carrot neeblers?"

26. "Nibblers."

27. I don't care what they're called.

28. I'm not a baby. I'm a grown rabbit.

29. I can chew my own carrots.

30. Well, they're not pre-chewed. They're just bite-sized.

31. Well, I'm not buying 'em.

32. - Okay. - No, it's not okay.

33. Because you are losing my business.

34. And I was gonna buy a lot of stuff.

35. I got a big ol' list here.

36. I was gonna buy, uh, 500 yards of sheet metal.

37. We don't sell sheet metal.

38. Not to me, you don't.

39. You know what else you're not gonna sell me?

40. Seven dozen cans of dolphin unsafe tuna.

41. Why? Because I'm not coming back here.

42. I'm gonna grow my own carrots.

43. You hear me? I'm taking a stand.

44. Because if you stand for nothing

45. then you're surely gonna fall for anything.

46. Where did you get all those carrots?

47. You're kidding, I've been gardening every day

48. for the past three months.

49. No, you haven't, I hang out with you

50. from the second I wake up until the second I go to sleep.

51. You don't do anything.

52. What time do you wake up?

53. I don't know, 4:00 p.m., maybe 4:30.

54. Yeah. I do it before then.

55. - 'Hey, guys.' - We're in the kitchen.

56. I have exciting news.

57. - You're moving. - What? No!

58. You're sick with something, like a weird airborne something

59. and you're the first one to get it

60. but everybody's gonna get it.

61. N-no!

62. You're a robot disguised as a pig

63. and your eyes are video cameras.

64. N-no, s-stop guessing.

65. Well, then, you're moving. What else is there?

66. I g-got a catering job!

67. What's exciting about that?

68. I'm c-catering on the set of a-a TV commercial.

69. A TV commercial? How exciting.

70. Why didn't you tell us you had exciting news?

71. Congratulations, Porky.

72. It's a-a big opportunity.

73. So my food's, uh, got to be great.

74. Well, if you want the carrots, I got a whole bunch of 'em.

75. Oh, you know, I-I haven't chosen a dessert yet.

76. Maybe I can make my grandmother's

77. carrot cake recipe.

78. Well, there you go.

79. Mmm! T-they're so sweet.

80. T-these will be perfect. T-thanks, Bugs.

81. So what's the commercial for?

82. Uh, Clean and Shiny hair gel.

83. Oh, that's my brand. Can I come to the shoot?

84. - I d-d-don't know. - Come on.

85. I bet they'll have free samples.

86. - Uh, um, uh.. - Please!

87. I promise I won't get in the way.

88. Will somebody get this duck out of the way.

89. Psst, Daffy!

90. What? I'm barely in the shot.

91. D-Daffy, you promised you'd stay out of the way.

92. - I never said that. - 'Action!'

93. When I reach for hair gel, I reach for Clean and Shiny.

94. And cut. Great job, everybody.

95. That's it? He's done?

96. He said one line!

97. Hey, how much do you think that guy gets paid?

98. A-a lot.

99. A lot of money for barely any work.

100. Porky, I have exciting news.

101. You're gonna try to be a commercial actor?

102. Don't guess. That's so rude. Who does that?

103. But, yes, I'm gonna try to be a commercial actor.

104. Let's see here. Ooh, this looks like a good audition.

105. "Mighty Wheat Breakfast Cereal.

106. "Actor wanted for national campaign.

107. "Looking for likeable males

108. charismatic, friendly dad-types."

109. That's me!

110. S-someone from Genco called.

111. What's Genco?

112. T-the company that makes Clean and Shiny hair gel.

113. They said they-they wanted to talk to me about my food.

114. They said it's urgent! Ahh. I b-bet they hated it.

115. What, ah, for all you know

116. they're calling to tell you they loved it.

117. Maybe they wanna hire you again.

118. - You really-really think so? - 'No way.'

119. They said it's urgent. That's never good news.

120. I bet a bunch of people got sick from your food.

121. Maybe someone died.

122. This is bad, Porky. This is really bad.

123. Ohh!

124. Well, I'm off to my first commercial audition.

125. Wish me luck.

126. Just call. I'm sure it's fine.

127. I-it's ringing. I-I'm gonna hang up.

128. Don't hang up.

129. Oh-oh, yes, hi, this is Porky Pig r-returning your call.

130. Y-yes, I'm the one who made the carrot cake.

131. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

132. T-they all did? Even the head of the company?

133. They got sick?

134. Oh, b-but it's not just me.

135. I mean, m-my friend, B-Bugs Bunny grew the carrots.

136. What? Don't get me involved!

137. Oh, yeah. None of this would have happened without B-Bugs.

138. You made the cake! It's your fault!

139. B-Bunny. B-U-N-N-Y.

140. Hang up, hang up!

141. O-Okay. W-we'll be in touch.

142. You'll be in touch! Not me, you.

143. Bye-bye.

144. Why did you get me involved? I don't wanna be involved.

145. I-it's too late. You're already involved.

146. Bugs? I think you're gonna wanna sit down for this.

147. Oh, boy.

148. - They loved it! - Say what?

149. They said it was the b-best carrot cake they've ever had.

150. They want to sell it in stores.

151. What do you mean? I-I thought they made hair gel.

152. Genco's a giant company. They make everything.

153. Well, that's great, Porky

154. but what does this have to do with me?

155. It wasn't just my recipe. It was your carrots.

156. W-we're a team.

157. They're gonna send over a contract.

158. Yippee! We're gonna be rich!

159. 'W-we're gonna be rich!'

160. W-we're gonna be rich!

161. - We're gonna be rich! - We're gonna be rich!

162. - We're gonna be rich! - We're gonna be rich!

163. "If you're not eating Mighty Wheats

164. you're not eating breakfast."

165. Oh, that sounds weird.

166. "If you're not eating Mighty Wheats

167. you're not eating breakfast."

168. Or, if you're not eating Mighty... Wheats

169. you're not eating breakfast.

170. Yep, that sounds good.

171. Daffy Duck.

172. - Name? - Daffy Sheldon Duck.

173. - Profile? - Okay.

174. Well, I like to think of myself as an outgoing type

175. but I have a serious side, too.

176. I love reading, Thai food...

177. 'No, we need to see your profile.'

178. Ahh..

179. Oh, that's a big beak!

180. Thank you, it gets the job done.

181. Ok, when I say, "Action"

182. you'll take a bite of cereal and then say your line.

183. Let me just warm up my voice for a second.

184. - Okay, I'm ready. - 'Action.'

185. Oh! Oh!

186. This is the worst taste I've ever had in my mouth!

187. What is this made of? Is it dirt?

188. Oh, my Lord, my Lord! This is awful.

189. Is it supposed to taste like this?

190. I mean, who would eat this?

191. Have any of you tried this? This is shocking!

192. Anyway, if you're not eating Mighty Wheats

193. you're not eating breakfast.

194. (Porky) 'Here's the contract from Genco.'

195. W-what do you think? S-should we sign it?

196. I don't even understand it.

197. I mean, "Whereby the party

198. "of the first part agrees to sell

199. to the party of the second part.."

200. I-is that the carrot cake?

201. "However, the party of the first part

202. represents and warrants to the party of the second part.."

203. This is a very confusing party.

204. - Hey. - Oh, how'd it go?

205. They said my audition was, quote

206. "Unlike anything they'd ever seen before."

207. Ooh. So you g-got the part?

208. No. But I'm gonna get this one.

209. I'm so right for it, it's crazy.

210. "Comfort Silk pantyhose

211. "because no matter how hard I work

212. I still wanna feel like a lady."

213. I'm pretty sure that part's for a woman.

214. - What? - W-we have exciting news.

215. - You're both moving. - N-no!

216. G-Genco wants to buy our carrot cake.

217. But we can't make heads or tails of this contract.

218. You should have that big fat rooster take a look at it.

219. Foghorn? Isn't he a little... nutty?

220. He's a lot nutty.

221. But he's also the world's richest rooster.

222. - Huh. Maybe it wouldn't hurt. - Alright.

223. (Daffy) 'Ooh, I better get to my audition.'

224. What? You're the one who said the part was for a woman.

225. Mm-hmm. Okay, uh, a pretty standard contract.

226. I'll say, pretty standard contract.

227. So, you-you think it's a fair deal?

228. Well, I'd say it's more than fair.

229. This is an incredibly generous offer.

230. Well, thank you so much for your time.

231. Thank you, I'd say thank youfor the cake.

232. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

233. We're gonna be rich!

234. Hold it right there.

235. Do not, I say do not, sign that contract.

236. But you said it was a generous offer.

237. That was before I tried this here cake. Mmm.

238. I say, mm-hmm!

239. Why, that offer's insulting for something that tastes this good.

240. So w-w-what are you saying?

241. I'm saying, you should tear up that contract

242. and go into business for yourselves.

243. Why, you'd make ten times, I say, ten times as much money.

244. 'Boys, you're about to be really rich.'

245. Alright, here we are.

246. Our first meeting as partners in the, uh..

247. Huh, well, I guess that's our first order of business

248. naming our carrot cake company.

249. W-well, on that note, I-I hope you don't mind

250. but I-I already started kicking around some ideas.

251. I was so-so excited, I stayed up all night and...

252. Before we look at that, I just wanna say

253. how thankful I am for our friendship.

254. Me, too. None of this would be happening without it.

255. Now, let's see what my friend's been working on all night.

256. Well?

257. "Old Pig Cake?"

258. You stayed up all night and came up with Old Pig Cake?

259. - Y-you don't like it? - What does it even mean?

260. Well, the "Old" is for old fashioned

261. 'cause it's my grandmother's recipe.

262. And the "Pig," well, that was her last name.

263. A-and "Cake" because it's cake.

264. I'm sorry, but Old Pig Cake just sounds like cake

265. that's been sitting in the mud for a really long time.

266. - Well, what would you call it? - 'I don't know. CC Cake?'

267. Eh, CC Cake? What does that mean?

268. You know, CC, Carrot Cake.

269. Yeah, but you said CC C-Cake.

270. That's a Carrot Cake Cake. T-that doesn't even make sense.

271. - It's better than Old Pig Cake. - So w-what are you saying?

272. I'm saying I'm not putting my carrots

273. into something with the words "Old" and "Pig" on it.

274. Well, I'm not gonna bake something

275. that has the word "Cake" on it twice.

276. - Fine. - F-fine.

277. Hey! Do you mind?

278. Some of us are trying to sleep!

279. It's 4:45 in the afternoon.

280. I've overslept! I'm late for my audition!

281. Oh! Ooh! Ooh-ho!

282. Fresh Brite. It whitens while it brightens.

283. Simply roll your way to sexy abs.

284. Nothing wakes me up like a fresh cup

285. of Cisero's Coffee.

286. Big Bubble bubble gum.

287. The flavor goes on and on.

288. Gloria's cleaning spray.

289. There is no surface it can't clean.

290. - What do you think? - W-what do you think?

291. It's old fashioned, but it doesn't feel old.

292. And we're both equally r-represented.

293. We even gave a nod to your grandmother.

294. - I-I like it. - I like it, too.

295. "Mrs. Porkybunny's Carrot Cake."

296. Ooh, t-this is so exciting. W-we have a name!

297. See what happens when we compromise?

298. You're right. From here on out n-no more arguing.

299. That's right. No more arguing.

300. Now, how do we get

301. Mrs. Porkybunny's name out there?

302. I was thinking... billboards.

303. - Eh, b-billboards? - Yeah!

304. You know, you're stuck in traffic, you're hungry

305. you look up, and there we are.

306. Pop in the store, pick one up.

307. But that's so impersonal.

308. Oh, really? Then what were you thinking?

309. I was thinking more of a door to door approach.

310. You know, neighbor to neighbor.

311. Oh, that's a great idea.

312. Then maybe in 200 or 300 years, we'll actually turn a profit.

313. I-is this your idea of a compromise?

314. Sorry, but I'm not walking all over town

315. ringing doorbells with a cake in my hand.

316. Well, I don't want my grandma's recipe

317. p-plastered on the side of a dirty freeway!

318. Oh, now you have a problem with dirt

319. Mr. Dirty Pig Cake.

320. It was Old Pig Cake. There was nothing d-dirty about it!

321. (Daffy) ' "Mrs. Porkybunny's?"'

322. That's the worst thing I've ever heard!

323. It makes me think of some weird mutant pig rabbit

324. like it's gonna have little bits of cotton tail

325. and hooves in there.

326. Is there some place else you can be right now?

327. As a matter of fact, I have a big commercial audition.

328. It's for an anti diarrheal medication.

329. "The next time you get diarrhea, you might just think of me."

330. Wait a second. We should do a commercial.

331. We'll reach millions of people

332. but it'll be like we're in their living room.

333. It's the-the perfect compromise.

334. Let me be in it.

335. - S-say what? - Say what?

336. Let me be in your commercial! Come on!

337. No one believes in Mrs. Porkybunny's

338. more than I do.

339. You just said it was the worst thing you ever heard.

340. I was acting! You believed that?

341. That proves what a good actor I am.

342. Ehh.

343. Please! I'm begging you.

344. Commercials are impossible to get.

345. You guys are my friends!

346. Isn't that what this is all about?

347. Hello!

348. I'm Mrs. Porkybunny.

349. If there's one thing I love, it's carrot cake.

350. Oh, I start out with garden fresh

351. homegrown carrots, the big kind.

352. Then I add a pinch of sugar, a hint of vanilla

353. and most importantly, a whole lot of love.

354. Save room for Mrs. Porkybunny. I did.

355. chomp chomp

356. Mmm!

357. That wasn't so bad. Right?

358. Right?

359. Ummm..

360. (Foghorn) 'I have good news and I have bad news.'

361. What's the good news?

362. I love, I say, I love your commercial.

363. - What? - You did?

364. Casting Daffy as Mrs. Porkybunny was a stroke

365. I say a stroke of genius!

366. I found the character likeable, heartwarming

367. and utterly endearing.

368. Well, t-that's great. B-but what's the bad news?

369. America found Mrs. Porkybunny unlikable

370. untrustworthy and very, I say very, disturbing.

371. So what does that mean for the company?

372. I'm afraid, I say I'm afraid

373. Mrs. Porkybunny's baked her last cake.

374. You're bankrupt, boys.

375. I-I thought we were gonna be rich.

376. - 'But you are!' - Huh?

377. You put Daffy in that commercial

378. because he was your friend.

379. And while money might make you wealthy

380. it's friendship that makes you rich.

381. So what you're saying is, we're still rich.

382. We're still rich.

383. 'Eh, w-we're still rich.'

384. W-we're still rich. W-we're still rich!

385. - In friendship. - W-we're still rich!

386. - But not in money. - 'W-we're still rich!'

387. - I'm just gonna.. - We're still rich.

388. - Uh, metaphorically. - W-we're still rich.

389. - W-we're still rich! - Not economically.

390. W-we're still rich! W-we're still rich!

391. Okay, I got it.

392. That's all, folks.

393. No wait, that sounded weird.

394. That's... all folks.

395. Yeah, that sounded better.

396. That was it. That was a keeper.