The Looney Tunes Show 2x22

1. - Ugh!

2. - What happened to the tv?

3. Captioning made possible by warner bros. Animation

4. - Ohh! Ohh!

5. ahh!

6. Hey, gossamer, I need your help.

7. Get that down for me.

8. - Here you go. - Thanks.

9. I think there's something wrong with this ball.

10. You should probably stick around in case that happens again.

11. - Oh, that sounds fun.

12. But I have to go home and make posters.

13. - That's your homework? Making posters? Heh!

14. Kids have it too easy these days.

15. - No, it's not homework. I'm running for class president.

16. - Class president? You're not popular.

17. - Yeah, I know. But I have a lot of good ideas.

18. - Huh, everyone has good ideas.

19. Just this morning, I put root beer

20. In my cereal instead of milk.

21. - So what are you saying? You don't think I can win?

22. - Maybe. But it won't be easy.

23. You'll need to run a smart, mistake-free campaign

24. That stays on message, and steadily gains momentum

25. Until it peaks the day of the election.

26. - Wow. How do you know so much about it?

27. - I was elected to the city council.

28. - You're on the city council?

29. - Not anymore. It was too boring.

30. So I faked my own death to get off of it.

31. The point is, I know how to win an election.

32. - Could you help me win an election?

33. - Hmm. A big, orange, hairy nerd.

34. Yeah, I can work with that.

35. Kid, with me as your campaign manager,

36. This election will be a slam... Dunk!

37. - Huh?

38. - There's something really wrong with that ball.

39. What do you think?

40. - "gossamer is awesomer." that's not a real word.

41. - I know, but it's his name, and we can't change it.

42. Or can we?

43. - I don't know what that kid sees in you.

44. Porky?

45. - do you mind

46. If I stay with you guys for a while?

47. - You sold your house?

48. - I had to. I couldn't afford it.

49. I haven't had a catering job in almost a year.

50. - Well, why didn't you tell us? We would have helped you out.

51. - No, no, no. It wouldn't have felt right

52. Taking money from a friend.

53. - Why? Who else are you going to take money from?

54. Strangers?

55. - That's thievery, porky.

56. For shame.

57. - So you're done with catering?

58. - It just doesn't pay the bills.

59. - It does if you're good at it.

60. - Of course you can stay here.

61. - Thanks! Just until I figure out a new career.

62. I really appreciate it.

63. You won't even know I'm here.

64. I'll be as quiet as a mouse.

65. - Oh, hey! Just having a few friends over to watch the fight.

66. We might be a little loud, just fyi.

67. - You mind if I set up on the couch?

68. - Oh, make yourself at home.

69. There's extra sheets in the linen closet.

70. - Are you out of your mind?

71. You're just going to let him stay here?

72. Until when?

73. He's not going to get a job!

74. He's just going to be here— eating your food,

75. Taking up space, making a mess.

76. Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into?

77. - I have some idea.

78. - Uh, just wondering

79. When do you guys usually get up in the morning?

80. I want to have breakfast waiting.

81. - Porky, you don't have to make breakfast.

82. - Oh, yes, he does.

83. He has to earn his keep.

84. We all earn our keep around here.

85. Oh, hey, bugs? We're out of toilet paper in all the bathrooms.

86. Don't ask.

87. - What are you doing up this early?

88. - I never went to bed. I was up all night making posters.

89. What do you think of this one?

90. - "steve is awesomer."

91. Who is steve?

92. - Well, you're the one who said "gossamer" isn't a word.

93. - No, I didn't. You said that.

94. - it is too early in the morning

95. To be dealing with you.

96. - Well, good morning. How do you like your eggs?

97. - In my hands. I got to hit the road.

98. Come on, man, what? You've never put eggs in someone's hands before?

99. Oh-ho-ho! These—these are hot!

100. Hot hands, coming through.

101. - I'll take mine over medium.

102. And on a plate.

103. - All right, let's get cracking on your campaign.

104. - Now? But I have to go to school.

105. - What? They expect you to run for class president

106. And go to class?

107. There's not enough hours in the day for that.

108. Kids have it too hard these days.

109. Take a seat.

110. As your campaign manager,

111. I need you to be completely and totally honest with me.

112. Now, when you're running for president,

113. Everything comes out.

114. You're about to be opened up to a level of scrutiny

115. That you can't imagine!

116. So if there's anything in your past,

117. You better tell me right now. Because the media will find out,

118. And they will rake you over the coals.

119. Do you belong to any unsavory organizations?

120. - No.

121. - Any weird hobbies I should know about? - No.

122. - Even been found guilty of a crime? - No.

123. - You're telling me your record is clean? - Uh-huh.

124. - You're saying you have no skeletons in your closet?

125. - those are my mom's.

126. - what the...

127. What are you doing in here?

128. Now you know you're not allowed in the house!

129. Get on out of here! And what are you doing in here?

130. You know you not allowed in the house, either.

131. - Mr. Duck is helping me become class president.

132. - Well, you're not going to become anything

133. If you don't get to school.

134. You already missed the bus. - I'll take him.

135. We'll do some campaign strategizing on the way.

136. Oh, hey, what would you think of legally changing

137. Gossamer's name to steve? Sounds more presidential.

138. We can talk about it later.

139. - Mmm-mmm-mmm.

140. Why doesn't he ever get that rabbit to help him?

141. Ah, I got to say, porky,

142. It's a pleasure having you as a roommate.

143. - Can I make you some coffee?

144. - Ah, no, you're doing too much.

145. Have you seen the coffee filters?

146. - Oh, I put them in there.

147. The counter was looking so cluttered.

148. - You put the coffee filters in the silverware drawer?

149. - Oh, no, I moved the silverware to this drawer

150. So they'd be closer to the dishes.

151. - But the dishes are over here.

152. - Not anymore. It didn't make any sense

153. To have them all the way over there,

154. So far from the napkin drawer.

155. - I don't have a napkin drawer.

156. - Heh heh, you do now.

157. See? Now the silverware is next to the dishes,

158. Which are next to the napkins.

159. Now you have a system.

160. - Oh, uh, I didn't know I needed a system.

161. - Everyone needs a system.

162. Here, look what I did with your pantry.

163. So... Just... Get... Cooking!

164. - What? - It's an acronym.

165. Soups, jars, grains, cereals.

166. - I didn't know I had so much soup.

167. - well, of course you didn't, silly.

168. It was all just so disorganized,

169. You didn't know what you had.

170. - Ok...

171. - It's nice of you to walk me to class.

172. - I'm not walking you to class.

173. I'm looking for the best place to put up your campaign poster.

174. Figure out which part of the school gets the most foot traffic.

175. Winnie yang is running for president?

176. - Do you know her?

177. - Ohh, we had the same piano teacher.

178. She's an evil, conniving, manipulative,

179. Hateful little weasel.

180. - Hi, gossamer.

181. - Oh, hi, winnie.

182. - You know, if you'd rather put your poster here,

183. I'm happy to move mine.

184. Oh, hi, mr. Duck. Nice to see you again.

185. - She's even worse than I remember.

186. - Who's steve?

187. - Ohh, you and bugs.

188. I'm telling you, you're making a mistake.

189. Steve's the way to go.

190. - Do you mind?

191. - Oh, not at all.

192. Your desk was in desperate need of a system.

193. - I meant the humming.

194. - Was I humming? I hadn't noticed.

195. Come see what I've done.

196. Before, your writing implements were just scattered all about.

197. - Gee, that sounds dangerous.

198. - Heh, well, not dangerous. But certainly inefficient.

199. So now, I've put your blue ink pens here

200. Next to the phone for jotting down messages,

201. Your black ink pens here next to your checkbook,

202. Your pencils here next to the sharpener,

203. And this is for miscellaneous writing instruments,

204. Such as red ink pens and highlighters.

205. - Oh, gee, thanks, porky.

206. I can't tell you how many times

207. I accidentally jotted down a message

208. With the wrong-colored pen.

209. - Oh, you poor thing.

210. Well, my next product is your hutch.

211. - I'm going to put on some music.

212. - Some actual music.

213. Porky, did you alphabetize my albums?

214. - Not just alphabetized.

215. They're also grouped by genre.

216. I've got your jazz here, your classical here,

217. And I'm not sure why you have so much reggae,

218. But that's all here.

219. - You really have a system for everything, don't you?

220. - Wait until you see your linen closet!

221. - Uh, porky, have you given any more thought

222. As to what kind of career you might want to pursue?

223. You know, so you can...

224. - Oh, I don't know. I'm really not sure what I'd be good at.

225. - Well, you went to college. What's your degree in?

226. - Medieval poetry.

227. - Of course it is. What about your minor?

228. - Architecture. - Well, there you go.

229. That's something.

230. - Medieval architecture.

231. - So like castles and moats? That sort of thing?

232. - Mm-hmm. - So...

233. Not really much demand for that these days.

234. - Uh-huh.

235. - What's that?

236. - It's a papier-möché statue of gossamer.

237. Make the kids think of him as presidential material.

238. - So is this why we're out of toilet paper?

239. - No. That was a separate incident.

240. And I said I didn't want to talk about it.

241. There. I got to paint this sucker orange.

242. Do we have any paintbrushes?

243. - Have you checked the paintbrush drawer?

244. - We have a drawer just for paintbrushes?

245. - Not that. That's our tape drawer.

246. - Nuh-uh, no, no, that's our permanent marker drawer,

247. Not to be confused with the non-permanent marker drawer,

248. Which is just below that.

249. I hate it! I just hate it!

250. - Whoa-ho! What are you so worked up about?

251. - I don't know! I just, it's that pig

252. And all his perfect little systems!

253. Whoops. Can you hand me a paper towel?

254. - Just leave it. Look, it's better to have a mess

255. Than to try to figure out

256. Whether to put the wet paper towel

257. Into the paper recycling bin

258. Or the wet items recycling bin,

259. Because then it would be both paper and wet!

260. Piggy doesn't have a system for that!

261. - Man, you got to relax.

262. Go listen to some of your reggae.

263. - Oh, dear.

264. Let me just put this in the wet paper recycling bin.

265. - I guess he does have a system for that.

266. - Uh, mr. Duck?

267. I forgot you were in there.

268. - I need to use the bathroom. How do I get out of here?

269. - Hmm.

270. That's a good question.

271. Let me think about that.

272. - Hello?

273. - Who in the name of pancho villa

274. Has been in my mouse hole?

275. - What are you talking about?

276. - My cheeses. Someone organized my cheeses.

277. By color, consistency and pungency.

278. And my dvds! They've organized them, too.

279. By genre, release date, and pungency.

280. You know, pungency.

281. In terms of how intense the story line is.

282. - How did he even get in there?

283. - Who? - Porky.

284. - Porky did this?

285. Oh, I'm going to have a word with him!

286. - What?

287. - I'll tell you what.

288. I love what you did with my place!

289. There's a system for everything; it's so efficient!

290. - Oh! I'm glad you like it.

291. Wait until you see what I have planned

292. For bug's garage.

293. - No! I mean, uh,

294. You've already done so much around here.

295. Isn't there more you could do for speedy?

296. - What more could he do for me? My place is perfect.

297. - Uh, well, what about pizzariba?

298. - Huh.

299. - Well, I'd be happy to take a look around

300. And see if there's anything I can do.

301. Here, let me just put these groceries away

302. And we can go check it out.

303. - Gracias, bugs.

304. - No. Thank you.

305. - Oh, man.

306. I never knew you had so much reggae.

307. - What happened to the pantry?

308. - Daffy did it.

309. - If winnie yang is elected president,

310. School will begin at 4:30 in the morning

311. And go to 9:30 at night!

312. Winnie yang promises to do away with recess,

313. Weekends, and summer vacations!

314. - But none of that is true.

315. - Trust me—this is how you win elections.

316. - Winnie yang wants to only serve broccoli

317. And brussels sprouts in the school cafeteria.

318. - give me!

319. Winnie yang did that!

320. - Ok, the way you had things organized before,

321. You had to run all over the kitchen

322. Just to make a pizza.

323. But now, with the ingredient dispensing system

324. I've installed,

325. The process is not only fast, it's fully automated.

326. Remember how you used to have to get the dough

327. From the refrigerator and then hand roll it?

328. Well, not anymore.

329. And no more wasted time opening cans of tomato sauce.

330. Have you ever seen such evenly distributed cheese?

331. How about all of your toppings at a press of a button?

332. And off it goes, into the oven,

333. Leaving you more time to spend out front with your customers.

334. - You're a genius.

335. - But I don't understand why you would even need a system like this.

336. You're so fast, it doesn't even matter

337. How disorganized things are.

338. - That's true for this restaurant,

339. But I want to expand.

340. I may be fast, but I can't be

341. In 15 different cities all at once.

342. Porky, what do you think of having me set up pizzaribas like this

343. All across the country?

344. - Ohh, I don't know.

345. I should really be figuring out

346. What I'm going to do for a career.

347. - What did you think, I wasn't going to pay you?

348. We'll call you pizzariba's vice president of, uh,

349. Kitchen organizing... Or something.

350. I don't know. We'll think of a good title for you.

351. I was also thinking of having these new pizzaribas

352. Look a little different.

353. You know, maybe like we come up with a theme,

354. Like they all look like little castles or something.

355. Do you know anything about medieval architecture?

356. - Well, today's the day. Election day.

357. We've run a great campaign. We've avoided the issues,

358. Made baseless attacks against your opponent,

359. And plagiarized this speech from the great communicator,

360. Ronald reagan.

361. I know it seems heavy on russia,

362. But when you say, "mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall!"

363. There won't be a dry eye in the house.

364. Now go in there and get elected president.

365. He's going to do great.

366. - He liked it?

367. - He loved it.

368. Speedy's going to expand all across the country,

369. And he wants me to help.

370. I can't thank you enough, bugs.

371. None of this would have happened if it weren't for you.

372. - Huh. What's with the suitcases?

373. - I bought my own house back. What can I say?

374. Being the pizzariba's vice president

375. Of organization systems and medieval design pays pretty well.

376. Well, we're still figuring out my title.

377. - Mr. Duck, mr. Duck.

378. - You won?

379. - No. I didn't even come close.

380. - Then why on earth are you happy?

381. - Because I had fun.

382. I always have fun hanging out with you.

383. - Me, too, kid.

384. - And I learned a valuable lesson.

385. - What's that? - It doesn't matter

386. Whether you win or lose,

387. It's having the courage to try.

388. - Huh. I thought you were going to say,

389. Never try for anything ever

390. Unless you're guaranteed success.

391. But, whatever. As long as you learned a lesson.

392. Ugh. - What is it?

393. - I can't believe winnie yang is president.

394. - Winnie's not president. - What?

395. - There was a third candidate. That's him right there.

396. Congratulations again, steve.

397. - Steve? Steve?

398. I told you we should have changed your name.

399. No one ever listens to me. Not your mom, not bugs, not you.

400. Well, you listen to me sometimes.

401. Probably not enough, though.

402. You should take notes while I talk.

403. You never know when I'm going to say something brilliant.

404. - Hola, cincinnati, ohio.

405. And bienvenidos at our grand opening of our newest pizzariba.

406. - I couldn't have done this without you, pinky.

407. don't worry!

408. Those aren't real crocodiles!

409. Those aren't real crocodiles, are they?

410. Captioning made possible by warner bros. Animation

411. Captioned by the national captioning institute —www.Ncicap.Org—

412. - What's wrong with reggae?