The Looney Tunes Show 2x8

Directed by Seth Kearsley

Porky decides to run a marathon, threatening Daffy’s definition of everyone’s roles in their circle of friends. Meanwhile, Yosemite Sam wants to save Bugs' life because Bugs saved his.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Oh, hey, what's your home phone number?

2. The same as your home phone number.

3. Oh.

4. - What are you doing? - I got a new phone.

5. What happened to your old phone?

6. Toilet. What's Porky's number?

7. You don't know Porky's phone number?

8. No, he calls me, but this way, when he calls

9. I'll recognize the number, and I'll know not to answer it.

10. 5-5-5-0-8-1-5.

11. What's his last name?

12. You don't know Porky's last name? It's Pig.

13. Pig? Are you kidding?

14. I thought that was his nickname.

15. That is fantastic.

16. Pig. Pooh! How do you spell that?

17. - What's up, doc? - Hello there, neighbor.

18. I'm sorry to bother you.

19. But would you mind signing this here petition?

20. What's it for?

21. Oh, you know. Stuff.

22. Sam, I don't just sign something without knowing what it is.

23. - Hey, will you sign this? - Sure.

24. - Come on. What about you? - What is it for?

25. I'm tryin' to get the courts to give me my guns back.

26. You're kidding.

27. If I get enough signatures

28. saying that I'm a good neighbor

29. with no anger issues

30. and promises to use firearms responsibly

31. then they gotta give me my guns back.

32. I wonder why they took 'em away in the first place.

33. Can you hold the elevator?

34. What do you mean, I'm not tall enough to ride?

35. I'm a grown man!

36. I said dressin' on the side!

37. I have no idea. So will you sign it?

38. - No. - Mm.

39. So it's not even short for anything

40. like Pigman or Pigstein?

41. It's just Pig?

42. Here's your food. And here's the bill.

43. I included the gratuity this time.

44. chomp chomp

45. Salad, since when do you eat salad?

46. I'm trying to eat healthier. I'm in training.

47. I signed up for the marathon.

48. The marathon?

49. You're not athletic.

50. I know, but it's something I've always wondered if I could do.

51. I know the answer to that. You can't.

52. I'm actually an okay runner.

53. Huh, prove it. Let's go outside and race.

54. Oh, I-I...

55. - What, are you scared? - N-no. I'm not scared.

56. I thought you were a pig, not a chicken.

57. - I am. I'm just... - Just what?

58. Afraid you'll lose? Well, you will.

59. - Fine. - Ooh! It's on!

60. Who wants to come outside

61. and watch me whip this pig in a footrace?

62. Huh. I guess they already know I'm going to win.

63. Good race.

64. You may have won the battle, but I'm gonna win the war.

65. What war?

66. The marathon. I'm entering it.

67. Oh, great. I-I'll have someone to run with.

68. Not great. I'm going to beat you.

69. I'm sure a lot of people will beat me.

70. I just want to finish.

71. You'll finish alright, behind me.

72. And you'll have lost the war.

73. There's no war.

74. Oh, yes, there is.

75. And you just lost the first battle.

76. I thought you said I won the battle.

77. I said you won the war. But I will win the battle.

78. - Who won? - I did.

79. I'm goin' for a run.

80. Whoa! My phone!

81. It's got my tunes on it. Elton John's greatest hits.

82. Since when do you run?

83. Since Porky decided to turn my whole world upside down.

84. What are you talking about?

85. - Porky entered a marathon. - So?

86. - So he's not the jock, I am. - You're the jock?

87. Look, in our circle of friends, we all have our roles.

88. You're the average Joe, the every man.

89. Porky's the nerd, the loser.

90. And I'm the jock, the hunk.

91. That makes sense.

92. Can't hear ya. Elton John.

93. Dag gummit. Ugh.

94. Card sarn it! Unh.

95. Lose something?

96. Give me that.

97. thud

98. Oh. This is just the kind of thing you need a gun for.

99. I would've blasted that darn smoke detector to bits.

100. I ain't slept in three nights.

101. Every time I starts to fall asleep

102. beep, beep, beep.

103. You just need to change the battery.

104. Get down from there. What are you doin'?

105. I'm taking the battery out.

106. No one asked for your help!

107. Oh, great! Now I owe you one.

108. You got another battery?

109. No, I don't got another battery.

110. - I've got one. - No, you already done enough!

111. Fine. Let me know when you get one.

112. And I'll come over and put it in for you.

113. Uh-uh. I already owe you for takin' it out.

114. I ain't gonna owe you double for puttin' another in.

115. Yosemite Sam don't like owin' nothin' to nobody!

116. What about that stack of bills?

117. Those are faceless corporations.

118. Now, what kinda cake do you like?

119. I'm bakin' you a cake to pay you back.

120. I-I don't know. Carrot?

121. Well, you're gettin' chocolate.

122. It's the only one I know how to make.

123. thud

124. You're welcome.

125. They found him lying in the middle of the road.

126. He's severely dehydrated, but we're getting fluids in him.

127. - So he should be fine. - Why'd you call me?

128. You were his "In case of emergency" on his cell phone.

129. Oh, thank goodness, you're here.

130. I'm your "In case of emergency?" What about Bugs?

131. No, no, no, no. You're the dependable one.

132. Cool in a crisis.

133. Bugs is the uptight one, the stick in the mud.

134. What are you talking about?

135. In our friendship circle, you're the dependable one

136. Bugs is the uptight one, Porky's the buffoon

137. and I'm the stud. Hey, you're fast, right?

138. I'm the fastest mouse in all of Mexico.

139. Can you teach me to be the fastest mouse in all of Mexico?

140. Or at least, faster than Porky?

141. I doubt it. Why me?

142. Because you're the helpful one, the saint.

143. I thought you said I was the dependable one.

144. No. Porky's the dependable one.

145. I thought Porky was the buffoon.

146. - No, Bugs is the buffoon. - I'm confused.

147. That's because you're not the smart one.

148. I'm the smart one. So will ya help me?

149. - Fine. - I knew I could count on you.

150. That's why you're the stud.

151. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna pass out.

152. That nitwit! Daffy, call 911!

153. What in tarnation are you doin' here?

154. You didn't change the battery, did you?

155. - What? - Your house is on fire!

156. I must've left the stove on, baking your cake.

157. We gotta get out of here!

158. Eh. Wait. Let me throw on some jeans.

159. No, not these. They pinch. Where's my good pair?

160. Ah. They're in the hamper.

161. Sam, we're gonna die!

162. Your cake!

163. Forget the cake!

164. No way. I ain't stayin' indebted to you.

165. thud

166. thud

167. boom

168. Hello. Hello. Yosemite. Yosemite.

169. Hello. It's me, Dr. Weisberg.

170. That was some fire. You're lucky to be alive.

171. Thanks to this guy. You really owe him one.

172. - No, no, no, no. - Unh.

173. Oh. Oh, hey. You know, your friend was in the other day.

174. - Who? - You know, your friend.

175. The-the hunk. The jock.

176. - Who? - Come on, the stud.

177. Eh, forget it.

178. Hey, doc, will you sign this?

179. I'm tryin' to get my guns back.

180. What are you, nuts?

181. Sure you don't wanna reconsider?

182. I'm sure.

183. But if you need a place to say until your house is fixed..

184. Oh, no! I already owe you plenty.

185. Sam, you don't owe me anything.

186. I wish that were true, believe you me.

187. But the fact of the matter is you saved my life.

188. And everyone knows the only way to repay someone

189. who saves your life is to save theirs.

190. My life's not in any danger.

191. You don't know that.

192. You think I thought my life was in danger

193. when I went to sleep last night with the stove on

194. pan full of grease next to a stack of newspapers

195. I was thinkin' about recyclin'?

196. No, siree. You saved my life.

197. So now I gots to save yours.

198. How about last night, huh?

199. That Bugs is a real hero.

200. Bugs isn't the hero. He's the nerd.

201. You're really not getting this friendship circle thing.

202. Okay, if you're gonna run a marathon

203. you need endurance and proper technique.

204. Here, watch me.

205. whoosh

206. - Like that. - Like what?

207. Go. So I can see it.

208. Are you kidding? I just did it.

209. I didn't see anything.

210. Fine. I'll do it again slower.

211. - There. - What? Go.

212. Okay. I'll go in slow motion this time.

213. Pay attention to my stride and my posture.

214. whoosh

215. Wow. You're fast.

216. How come you don't enter the marathon?

217. Because it wouldn't be fair. If I enter, I'll win.

218. Give someone else a chance. Heh.

219. I guess I am the saint.

220. Okay, give me a couple laps so I can see

221. what I'm working with. Go.

222. How do I look?

223. Like a woman wearing high heels carrying a purse.

224. - Oh. How far did I go? - Like, 10 feet.

225. How many feet are in a marathon?

226. Like 137,000.

227. Hi, guys.

228. There he goes. The hunk.

229. I'll never beat that jock.

230. What a stud.

231. What a dependable, smart stud.

232. Aah!

233. - Don't worry! I'll save you! - What?

234. You're chokin'. I got to give you the Heimlich.

235. That's-that's not the Heimlich!

236. I'm not sure what the Heimlich is, but I'm saving your life.

237. I'm not choking.

238. thud

239. Well, I saw you cough.

240. Were you watching me?

241. It's all I been doin'. I can't sleep!

242. First, it was the smoke detector.

243. Now, it's the burden of repayin' this soul-crushing debt.

244. You should've let me die.

245. I hate you.

246. But I will not rest until I save your life.

247. And then I can go back to just being your bad neighbor

248. with anger issues.

249. - You wanna sign this again? - Sure.

250. Careful. There's a bunch of broken glass everywhere.

251. Okay. Let's see here.

252. Today, you did three jumping jacks

253. one sit up, and half a push-up.

254. Well, that's better than yesterday.

255. What are you drinking?

256. Energy drink. Gotta replace my electrolytes.

257. It's root beer.

258. Man, you got to be serious about your nutrition.

259. You got to think of your body as a machine.

260. Nutrition is the fuel.

261. What's a typical day of food for you?

262. Well, I start with a sensible breakfast.

263. A bunch of powdered sugar on a hotdog.

264. That's not sensible. That is insensible.

265. What about lunch?

266. Usually turkey sandwich on wheat.

267. Okay. That's pretty good!

268. I just deep-fry that sucker and dump

269. a bunch of powdered sugar on top.

270. I'm scared to ask what you eat for dinner.

271. I like a big dinner. Helps me sleep.

272. I'll take a casserole dish, you know something big and deep.

273. Pour about two inches of powdered sugar in there

274. a rack of baby back ribs, a layer of marshmallows.

275. 'More powdered sugar, 'til it's about ye high.'

276. Throw that dude in the microwave for about 45 minutes

277. sprinkle with powdered sugar and serve.

278. gulp gulp gulp

279. That's what you eat for dinner?

280. Well, I supplement throughout the day with these protein bars.

281. chomp

282. That's a tube of cookie dough.

283. Look at him go. Look at that commitment.

284. That's why he's the buffoon.

285. chomp

286. Hi, Mr. Bunny.

287. Oh, hey, Gossamer. What can I do for ya?

288. My teacher is wondering if you'd come and talk to my class

289. about what it's like to be a hero.

290. - Oh, sure. When will you... - Aah!

291. Now we're even-steven.

292. What are you talking about?

293. Well, you were about to get eaten by a monster.

294. That's Gossamer.

295. He's our neighbor and he's nine years old.

296. So I didn't just save your life?

297. No. Put him down!

298. thud

299. You help me get my guns back?

300. My mom says I'm not allowed to talk to you.

301. How about one more?

302. Careful. There's a big net out here.

303. Hello.

304. Hey, Porky.

305. Oh, hey, Bugs. What's up?

306. I have a favor to ask of you.

307. (Porky) 'Anything.'

308. I need you to hit me with your car.

309. thud

310. Come on, touch your toes.

311. I can't.

312. Flexibility is the key to a proper stride.

313. We got to get your hamstring stretched out.

314. This is as far as I can go.

315. - Are you sure about this? - Don't worry.

316. Someone's gonna save me before you actually hit me.

317. - Oh, I see you. - Okay. Good.

318. Now, I'm gonna enter the intersection.

319. But don't slow down. It's gotta look real.

320. It's burning.

321. I bet that stud Porky Pig can touch his toes.

322. I'm the stud!

323. Aah!

324. crash

325. You got one friend who nearly gets you killed in a fire.

326. And another who hits you with his car.

327. You gotta get some new friends.

328. Except for that one guy. The hunk. The jock.

329. He's a keeper.

330. Well, there's only one thing left to do.

331. - Stop trying to save my life? - No!

332. Try ten times as hard!

333. From here on out, I'm never leavin' your side!

334. Okay. Visiting hours are over.

335. Well, see you tomorrow.

336. Oh, hey, will you sign this?

337. Well, I-I need to read it first.

338. Forget it.

339. - How you feeling? - Good. Strong.

340. - You do your stretching? - Yep. All stretched out.

341. What did you have for breakfast this morning?

342. Eggs. Just like you told me.

343. Oh, no. Thank you. It wouldn't be fair.

344. Give someone else a chance. After all, I'm the saint.

345. Wait a second. I'm not the saint.

346. I'm the fastest mouse in all of Mexico. I'm the jock!

347. Give me a number.

348. Good morning, runners.

349. 'Welcome to the 53rd Annual Royal Oaks..'

350. Oh!

351. And here now to start the race is local hero

352. Bugs Bunny.

353. Now, in 30 minutes, I'll give you the signal.

354. And you'll fire this starter's pistol into the air

355. starting the race.

356. Oh.

357. What is wrong with you?

358. I saved your life! He was about to shoot you dead!

359. No, you idiot! That's not a real gun.

360. That's a starter's pist..

361. I mean, thank you.

362. You saved my life.

363. So the debt's been paid? We're square?

364. We're square. Totally square.

365. Now, can I please start the race?

366. Sorry, rabbit, it's been too long.

367. Yee-haw!

368. It's not even a real gun!

369. Hey. I'm done.

370. Unh. Oh.

371. What happened?

372. I must've had some bad eggs.

373. - Let me get you some help. - No.

374. You need to finish. This is your dream.

375. I should've been a good friend and supported you.

376. I'm just gonna have to get used to the idea

377. that you're the jock and I'm the loser.

378. - B-but... - Go!

379. Go, you dependable, uptight, hunky, loser stud.

380. I'm not finishing without you.

381. I can't believe you carried Daffy 23 miles.

382. What an incredible gesture.

383. Ah, he would've done-done the same for me.

384. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

385. 'Look, you can clearly see my feet crossing'

386. the finish line before you.

387. That means I won.

388. The circle of friendship is finally restored.

389. I am the stud.

390. You're the buffoon.

391. You're the uptight one.

392. And you're... the mouse.

393. The mouse? I thought you said I was the dependable one.

394. He's really not getting this friendship circle thing, is he?

395. Then again, he's not the smart guy.

396. I'm the smart guy.

397. And the saint and the jock.

398. The hunk. The dependable one.

399. 'The golden boy. The gifted child.'

400. You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold dead..

401. What's the big deal? It was a starter's pistol.

402. There weren't no bullets in it.

403. I wouldn't act that way with a real gun. I promise.

404. What about all these signatures?

405. Will you sign this?