1. Hey, baby. What's your name?Copy !req
2. Uh, Carl.Copy !req
3. Hi, Carl. I'm Peaches.
Come dance with me!Copy !req
4. Oh, no, no.
I-I-I don't really dance.Copy !req
5. Come on, it's easy.Copy !req
6. No, no. I-I-I really couldn't.Copy !req
7. No, I-I really,
I really don't. I don't.Copy !req
8. That's right.
Come down to the floor.Copy !req
9. I wanna see everybody
on the floor.Copy !req
10. I'm about to put y'all
on something.Copy !req
11. I wanna see everybody moving.
Let's go. We gonna do it.Copy !req
12. There you go!Copy !req
13. - Yeah, you got it.
- Dancing is fun!Copy !req
14. I, uh, the song
said to do that.Copy !req
15. What did the song say?Copy !req
16. Um, I-I saw lots of
other people doing it.Copy !req
17. Yo, what the song say, man?Copy !req
18. It said to slap those tits?
Didn't it?Copy !req
19. What'd it say before that?
What were the lyrics?Copy !req
20. Um, it said uh, all you...Copy !req
21. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
22. Why'd that guy shut the door?Copy !req
23. Gentlemen, this Declaration
of IndependenceCopy !req
24. will send a clear message
to the throneCopy !req
25. that we are a sovereign nation,Copy !req
26. and finally free
of their tyrannies.Copy !req
27. Thomas, this is
the most eloquentCopy !req
28. and beautiful piece of
writing I have ever read,Copy !req
29. but I'm going to cross out someCopy !req
30. of these obscenities,
if you don't mind.Copy !req
31. Eh.Copy !req
32. Also, I don't think we need
the accompanying pictures,Copy !req
33. you've really made
it pretty clear.Copy !req
34. Now, I don't need to remind
you men of the seriousnessCopy !req
35. of our actions here today.Copy !req
36. By signing this document,Copy !req
37. you will officially be casting
your lot with the revolutionCopy !req
38. and be considered
a traitor to the crown.Copy !req
39. Know full well that by
committing your nameCopy !req
40. to this declaration,
you may bring hardshipCopy !req
41. and strife to your familiesCopy !req
42. and label yourselves
outlaws forever.Copy !req
43. Now, who wants to be
the first to sign it?Copy !req
44. Well, Thomas, since
you authored the thing,Copy !req
45. I think it's only fair
that you sign first.Copy !req
46. Very well.Copy !req
47. It will be an honor
and a privilege.Copy !req
48. Look, baby Abraham,
our new nation is being born.Copy !req
49. 'Tis a proud day.Copy !req
50. There, the first signature.Copy !req
51. Wait, you wrote John Hancock,
you wrote my name!Copy !req
52. - Oops, my bad.Copy !req
53. Stop it, you asshole. I'm gonna
get in so much trouble.Copy !req
54. Oh, and you wrote it huge.Copy !req
55. They're gonna think
I'm the leader. Fine.Copy !req
56. - Oh, don't cross it out.
- Come on!Copy !req
57. We only have one copy of that.Copy !req
58. Fine, then I'm gonna
write your name.Copy !req
59. Dude, don't be like that.Copy !req
60. - Thomas Jefferson.
- Oh!Copy !req
61. Come on, man.Copy !req
62. I was the one that was up all
night working on the thing.Copy !req
63. Well, Thomas, it is fair.Copy !req
64. What work would be
complete withoutCopy !req
65. the signature of its author?Copy !req
66. Yeah, are you
gonna sign it, fatty?Copy !req
67. Fuck no, I got kids!Copy !req
68. You know what, Benji,
I think you are signing it.Copy !req
69. - Whoop! Benjamin Franklin.
- What?Copy !req
70. Right there.Copy !req
71. Don't be such a shit, Thomas.Copy !req
72. Okay, okay, alright,
let's calm down.Copy !req
73. This is a proud time in
our nation's history.Copy !req
74. I think we should all be
honored to be present.Copy !req
75. John Adams going on the list.Copy !req
76. - Whoa!
- You fucking fuck!Copy !req
77. Guys, you're
upsetting Baby Lincoln.Copy !req
78. Okay, that's it. Tony Lincoln.Copy !req
79. - Oh!
- Here we go, Tony Lincoln.Copy !req
80. That's it, it's on!Copy !req
81. - Come get some.
- No, this is me!Copy !req
82. And on that crisp fall
morning, all those years ago,Copy !req
83. our founding fathers forged
the greatest country thisCopy !req
84. continent would ever know.Copy !req
85. The United States of America.Copy !req
86. Okay. This is Mr. Fingleton.
He will be your first client.Copy !req
87. A big girl, huh?
I like 'em healthy.Copy !req
88. Yes. This one is huge.
Her name is Brumhilda.Copy !req
89. This is her first day, so
I'm showing her the ropes.Copy !req
90. Brumhilda, that's a sexy name.Copy !req
91. Where are you from, darling?Copy !req
92. She is from bus station.Copy !req
93. Mr. Fingleton here is one of
our masochist clients.Copy !req
94. Massel-kisses?Copy !req
95. Yes. That's very good.Copy !req
96. That means that he likes
a little bit of pain.Copy !req
97. So you can be
a little rough with him.Copy !req
98. You can feel free to
smack him on the bottomCopy !req
99. or slap him in the face
or something.Copy !req
100. Brumhilda, walk with me,Copy !req
101. we need to have a little powwow.Copy !req
102. I wanna get down.
What's my safe word?Copy !req
103. She hit me so hard
I forgot my safe word.Copy !req
104. I think he wants to go home.Copy !req
105. What? Oh, no, no,
no, no, no, honey.Copy !req
106. Many of our clients pretend
to forget their safe word.Copy !req
107. It is fun for them.Copy !req
108. This is not fun for me.Copy !req
109. I am not pretending.Copy !req
110. - Now, Brumhilda.
- What was it?Copy !req
111. Is everything okay?Copy !req
112. - Are things okay at home?
- I don't have a home.Copy !req
113. Something to do with baseball.Copy !req
114. I know. It's just
figure of speech.Copy !req
115. What I mean to say is,
are you angry about anything?Copy !req
116. Please!
- No.Copy !req
117. 'Cause you hit
him kind of hard.Copy !req
118. City of Boston!
- Oh. I'm sorry.Copy !req
119. No, no, no, no, no.
Do not be sorry.Copy !req
120. You are young. You are learning.Copy !req
121. But the key to beingCopy !req
122. - a good dominatrix...Copy !req
123. is to deliver pain at
the same time as pleasure.Copy !req
124. - Astroturf!
- Oh.Copy !req
125. You see? So maybe you
are lightly licking oneCopy !req
126. of your client's nipples
at the same timeCopy !req
127. as you are stabbing him in
the balls with a thumbtackCopy !req
128. - Sunflower seeds!
- Oh!Copy !req
129. You get it now.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
130. - The Sandlot!Copy !req
131. Please let me down.Copy !req
132. I honestly can't
remember my safe word.Copy !req
133. I think there's
bleeding in my brain.Copy !req
134. You know, Brumhilda,
I'm starting to thinkCopy !req
135. that maybe this slapping
business is not for you.Copy !req
136. You do not know
your own strength.Copy !req
137. You are like
Frankenstein monster.Copy !req
138. - Yeah.
Popcorn!Copy !req
139. - Bleach!
- Maybe you'll be better offCopy !req
140. - trying a tool or something.
Helicopter!Copy !req
141. - Like a whip or a chain.
Let the dogs out!Copy !req
142. Try one of these.Copy !req
143. - Hell no! Hell no!Copy !req
144. Hell no!Copy !req
145. Okay. Everybody gather around.
Gather around.Copy !req
146. I'd like to take a moment
and congratulateCopy !req
147. each and every one of you
on a successful mission.Copy !req
148. By putting a living
animal into space,Copy !req
149. we've taken a huge
first step in beatingCopy !req
150. the Russkies to the moon.Copy !req
151. I'd also like to take a momentCopy !req
152. and remember our brave test
pilot, Bobo the monkey.Copy !req
153. Bobo was an exceptional monkey,Copy !req
154. and I know that many of us
here began to regard himCopy !req
155. as not just an animal,
but as an associate.Copy !req
156. To Bobo.Copy !req
157. - Hear, hear.
- Hear, hear.Copy !req
158. Now as you know,
we don't have enough fuelCopy !req
159. to safely bring
Bobo back to Earth.Copy !req
160. But I want everyone to rest
assured that Bobo's sacrificeCopy !req
161. to this great nation will go
down in the annals of history,Copy !req
162. and he will truly
never be forgotten.Copy !req
163. Oh, um, oh, it's Bobo.Copy !req
164. Um, he must have accidentally
turned on the monitor.Copy !req
165. Uh, I'm sorry. I got this, guys.Copy !req
166. - Hi, Bobo. Yeah.Copy !req
167. Uh, good to see you.Copy !req
168. Uh, hey, good job with
that mission there.Copy !req
169. That was really—okay.
I'm sorry about that.Copy !req
170. Look, I—I know this is
very hard on everybody,Copy !req
171. but if anything,
it's—it's a testament toCopy !req
172. how intelligent Bobo really was,Copy !req
173. that he figured out how to use
our communications monitors.Copy !req
174. - Bobo.
Aw...Copy !req
175. Okay. You know what?
I-I'm sorry. Uh, Bobo.Copy !req
176. Can we do something about—
can we kill Bobo's monitor?Copy !req
177. Aw...Copy !req
178. You know what, everyone
turn around. Turn around.Copy !req
179. Don't, don't look at him.
Don't encourage him.Copy !req
180. Everybody, turn around.
Turn around.Copy !req
181. - He's hungry.
- No, no. He's not hungry.Copy !req
182. He's—he's just that
sign language for,Copy !req
183. "Goodbye, I'm fine
up here in space,Copy !req
184. Don't worry about me."Copy !req
185. Okay, can we kill his feed?Copy !req
186. Bobo?Copy !req
187. Aw.
Bobo!Copy !req
188. Okay, look, everyone,
this is not helping.Copy !req
189. Oh my god.Copy !req
190. A big box of apples
for you too, buddy.Copy !req
191. What? What does that mean?Copy !req
192. It's just this inside joke
that me and him had.Copy !req
193. Come on. There's gotta be a way
we can get him back here.Copy !req
194. Yeah, Bobo would
do the same for us.Copy !req
195. Us scientist types
gotta stick together.Copy !req
196. Bobo!Copy !req
197. Okay, okay, you know what?Copy !req
198. I'll try to crunch some numbersCopy !req
199. and think of a way to
get Bobo back to Earth.Copy !req
200. - You will?
- Really?Copy !req
201. - Thank you.
- Oh...Copy !req
202. But I am not
happy about havingCopy !req
203. to work late on
a Friday to do this.Copy !req
204. - You're the best.
- Yeah!Copy !req
205. You won't regret this, sir.Copy !req
206. Get outta here. Go on.
Enjoy your weekend.Copy !req
207. Bobo! Bobo!
- Everybody get outta here.Copy !req
208. That was pretty
manipulative there, Bobo.Copy !req
209. Bobo?Copy !req
210. I'm just resetting
your coordinates.Copy !req
211. Bobo?Copy !req
212. Have fun on the sun, Bobo.Copy !req
213. Bobo?Copy !req
214. And now it's time forCopy !req
215. Shoshon The Elegant,
The White Tiger King.Copy !req
216. Creatures of an Animalia,Copy !req
217. be silent and listen.Copy !req
218. Shoshon the Elegant is about
to make the day's decrees.Copy !req
219. I decree that at
the end of the month,Copy !req
220. there will be a grand parade,Copy !req
221. and all in my kingdom
are invited.Copy !req
222. Except for the brown tigers.Copy !req
223. Yay! Yay!Copy !req
224. That was a great parade,
Shoshon.Copy !req
225. That was a great parade!Copy !req
226. Except for some
disturbances causedCopy !req
227. by a few ungainly brown tigers
that showed up.Copy !req
228. I hereby decree that a giant
fence should be erectedCopy !req
229. to keep all the brown tigers
out of the white tiger kingdom.Copy !req
230. White tiger kingdom!
White tiger kingdom!Copy !req
231. Some brown tigers shall
be allowed into the kingdomCopy !req
232. to perform menial tasks.Copy !req
233. These brown tigers shall
not speakCopy !req
234. or look at or think about
any white tigersCopy !req
235. while they are within the walls
of the white tiger kingdom.Copy !req
236. White tiger kingdom!
White tiger kingdom!Copy !req
237. If a white tiger shall be
found laying with a brown tiger,Copy !req
238. then the white tiger shall be
held accountable and banished.Copy !req
239. And the brown tiger
shall be liquidated.Copy !req
240. Any spawn of the union
of a brown tigerCopy !req
241. and a white tiger shall
be found unclean. Unclean!Copy !req
242. Unclean!Copy !req
243. White tiger kingdom!
White tiger kingdom!Copy !req
244. Trash collecting day
will be every Tuesday.Copy !req
245. Park your car on
the right side of the streetCopy !req
246. the first and third
Tuesdays of each month.Copy !req
247. Park your car on the left side
every alternating Tuesday.Copy !req
248. White tiger kingdom!Copy !req
249. White tiger kingdom!
White tiger kingdom!Copy !req
250. We will move
across their bordersCopy !req
251. and pick our teeth
with their bones.Copy !req
252. We will flush them
from their homesCopy !req
253. and crush them beneath our paws.Copy !req
254. We'll finally be freeCopy !req
255. of the filthy brown tigers,
once and for all!Copy !req
256. White tiger world!
White tiger world!Copy !req
257. That was the story
of Shoshon the Elegant,Copy !req
258. The White Tiger King.Copy !req
259. Shoshon went on to smiteCopy !req
260. the filthy brown tigers
from the face of the earthCopy !req
261. and the people were happy
once again, for all time.Copy !req
262. You see, kids,
fascism has its faultsCopy !req
263. and people get carried away,Copy !req
264. but at the end of the day,Copy !req
265. a totalitarian form
of government works.Copy !req
266. I am not saying what Shoshon
did was right or wrong,Copy !req
267. but it worked.Copy !req
268. It just worked.Copy !req
269. Goodnight, kids.Copy !req
270. Oh, no.Copy !req
271. Daddy. Daddy. We're home
from the grocery store!Copy !req
272. Uh, hey, did you
feed Sparky yet?Copy !req
273. Not yet.Copy !req
274. Oh. 'Cause I saw him
walking around earlier,Copy !req
275. and he seemed pretty hungry.Copy !req
276. Hungry and depressed.Copy !req
277. So, I don't know,
maybe you might wannaCopy !req
278. go up to your room and find him.Copy !req
279. After this game.Copy !req
280. I don't know.
He was looking pretty down.Copy !req
281. Had sort of a crazy
look in his eye.Copy !req
282. You might want to
go check on him.Copy !req
283. Fine.Copy !req
284. Oh, he went and did it.Copy !req
285. That is a shame. He had so
much left to offer the world.Copy !req
286. Welp, that's why you
gotta feed your dog.Copy !req
287. Now, whose dick
do I gotta suckCopy !req
288. to get some dinner around here?Copy !req
289. - Whoa.
Paging Dr. Bender.Copy !req
290. Okay, so you and your
friend can wait hereCopy !req
291. for Dr. Wavalava.Copy !req
292. Please be sure
not to touch anything,Copy !req
293. especially our
state-of-the-art X-ray machine.Copy !req
294. It's incredibly expensive
and ridiculously fragile.Copy !req
295. Thank you.Copy !req
296. Okay, don't worry,
we won't touch it.Copy !req
297. - Sike!
- Not!Copy !req
298. No, dude, we say sike.Copy !req
299. You're right. You're right.Copy !req
300. Let's throw it out the window!Copy !req
301. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Sam, wait,Copy !req
302. Sam, Sam, Sam, stop, stop, stop.Copy !req
303. It's an x-ray machine.Copy !req
304. It makes pornos?Copy !req
305. No, it's a machine
that makes itCopy !req
306. so we can see inside of things.Copy !req
307. Oh, what should we x-ray?Copy !req
308. Um, gee, I don't know.Copy !req
309. I wish we knew some
super cool hot dudeCopy !req
310. to have his insides x-rayed.Copy !req
311. Ah!Copy !req
312. You got it, buddy.Copy !req
313. Sam. It's an x-ray—you
don't need to take your shirt...Copy !req
314. Geez, that game was
months ago.Copy !req
315. Whatever. Look, just get behind
the panel buddy, and let's go.Copy !req
316. Here we go!Copy !req
317. Whoa!Copy !req
318. I look so cool inside.Copy !req
319. Hey, let's see what it looks
like when you eat something.Copy !req
320. Try this apple.Copy !req
321. Whoa!Copy !req
322. Oh, wow!Copy !req
323. Hey everybody come over here!Copy !req
324. Doo-doo-doo-doo!Copy !req
325. Are those inside me?Copy !req
326. - It's so big!Copy !req
327. - Yeah!
- Get 'em out!Copy !req
328. - Get 'em out. Dude. Dude.Copy !req
329. No, no, wait, wait.Copy !req
330. I think they're good for you.Copy !req
331. - I knew it.
- Yeah, look,Copy !req
332. they're breaking up the apple.Copy !req
333. Whoa. This is how
your body digests food.Copy !req
334. Hey, Trevor. Are you going
to Brian's party tonight?Copy !req
335. Sam, hold on a second.
This is weird.Copy !req
336. I feel a little weird.Copy !req
337. Sam, shh!Copy !req
338. Uh-oh.Copy !req
339. Trevor!Copy !req
340. Hey, Trevor!Copy !req
341. Hey.Copy !req
342. Hey, man. Check it out!Copy !req
343. Blue ha—Copy !req
344. Oh! Oh my God!Copy !req
345. Whoa...Copy !req
346. Are you okay?Copy !req
347. Yeah, I think so.Copy !req
348. You gotta watch where
you're going, man.Copy !req
349. Yeah. It's pretty
crazy though, right?Copy !req
350. What?Copy !req
351. My hair is blue.Copy !req
352. Oh, yeah.
Look, does anything hurt?Copy !req
353. Do you think you broke anything?Copy !req
354. Nah, I'm okay.Copy !req
355. People are gonna flip out
though.Copy !req
356. Did it take you a second
to recognize me?Copy !req
357. - Is he okay?
- Yeah, I think he's fine.Copy !req
358. He jumped right
in front of me.Copy !req
359. - Yeah, he was excited.
- What happened?Copy !req
360. This guy just jumped out
in the middle of the street.Copy !req
361. Were you all like, "Who is
this blue-haired guyCopy !req
362. in the middle of the street
all of a sudden?"Copy !req
363. Man, are they gonna
have a field day atCopy !req
364. the hospital with this one?Copy !req
365. "We gotta operate
on a guy with sevenCopy !req
366. broken ribs and blue hair?"Copy !req
367. Holy shit!Copy !req
368. IFC Original.Copy !req