The Whitest Kids U' Know 3x16

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Courtroom Stripper Dad Story Life Goes Alien

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. That... was... terrible.

2. You brought nothing new to this competition.

3. I've seen this so many times.

4. I just don't think your heart was in it.

5. I don't know, I thought it was kind of classic.

6. An oldie but a goodie.

7. Well, there's a surprise. Nancy likes it.

8. Here we go, here we go.

9. I'm afraid you're not going to Hollywood.

10. What's your name, dude?

11. Carl Fendleman.

12. Those pants look horrible.

13. What's with the pants, dawg?

14. Oh, come on, guys, stop it.

15. You look ridiculous right now.

16. Next, please.

17. Hey, guys.

18. Okay. That was different.

19. That was new. Not bad.

20. Oh, I'm not completely convinced

21. that that was a suicide.

22. It looked like it might've been an accident.

23. Excuse me, did you mean to kill yourself that way?

24. Yeah.

25. Then why is there a noose hanging out of your pocket?

26. You clowning us, dawg?

27. Next.

28. Hi, I'm Cheyenne.

29. Hi, Cheyenne.

30. I'm gonna be singing

31. "She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain" by Dolly Parton.

32. Cheyenne, I don't think you're on the right show.

33. What do you mean?

34. This ain't a talent show, baby.

35. It's not?

36. No, I'm sorry.

37. Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed.

38. Oh, it's okay, honey.

39. I've made a fool of myself.

40. Oh. I'm so depressed.

41. I don't know what I'm going to do.

42. That's what I'm talking about.

43. That's what I'm talking about.

44. - Wow.

45. Just, wow.

46. I'm confused, was she on the wrong show?

47. Cheyenne, you're going to Hollywood.

48. That is exactly what this show is all about. Refreshing.

49. You go, girl.

50. Have fun in Hollywood.

51. The revolution is complete.

52. We've burned this capitalist system to the ground.

53. Anarchy!

54. Anarchy!

55. We will no longer be held down by the technology

56. that has enslaved us.

57. Anarchy!

58. Anarchy!

59. No more laws. No more rules.

60. We can live off the land as mankind was always meant to.

61. We can go see movies for free now.

62. Anarchy!

63. Anarchy!

64. Anarchy!

65. Excuse me, excuse me, hi.

66. Barry Windsor.

67. Just one quick thing.

68. See, I used to work at the nuclear power plant

69. up near by the airport, and not to be a downer or anything,

70. but we're going to have to keep a pretty close eye

71. on that thing, so there's that.

72. We don't need nuclear energy anymore. Anarchy!

73. Anarchy!

74. No, no, no, I'm all for that.

75. Hey, revolution and all.

76. I mean, that's great.

77. But the thing is is if we don't keep cool water running

78. over the spent plutonium rods,

79. there's going to be a meltdown,

80. and that will pretty much end life.

81. Okay, well how often do we have to do that?

82. Oh, I'd say about three to four times a day

83. over the next 25 years.

84. What?

85. Okay, all right, so we'll just work together on this

86. and we'll take turns pouring water

87. on the plutonium rods.

88. No! No work, free movies!

89. Well, I mean, no one knows how to work the power plant

90. and he does.

91. I'd just be afraid to screw something up

92. with all the computers and all.

93. And I'm sure there's a password or something.

94. Well, the password is just "welcome."

95. Make him do it.

96. Yeah, make him do it!

97. Okay, okay, all right.

98. Well, since you have the most experience

99. with this sort of thing,

100. would you mind just taking one for the team

101. and kind of staying on top of that?

102. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

103. No, no, no, I'll do it, I don't mind.

104. But it doesn't really seem fair.

105. If I'm going to be spending all my time

106. up at the reactor, then how am I going to scavenge

107. and farm the land to provide food for my family?

108. Oh.

109. Okay, all right, I'm sure we can all agree

110. that it's not a big deal to chip in,

111. give him a little bit of our food

112. in return for him saving our lives

113. at the reactor plant.

114. I guess.

115. Thank you, guys, thanks.

116. That's really big of you.

117. But the other thing is is that it's not a one man job.

118. Okay, I'm going to need a team of people, all right?

119. And I can ask my guys, and I'm sure they'll do it,

120. but they're going to need some food, too.

121. Okay, so if you see his team,

122. help them out and give them a little food, too.

123. I think that's only fair.

124. Well, how will we know who's on his team and who's not?

125. I mean, anyone could just come up and say,

126. "Hey, I work with Dicknose up at the power plant.

127. Give me a food."

128. Hey!

129. Okay, here's what we'll do, here's what we'll do.

130. We'll make some shirts for him and his team

131. that say, "I work at the nuclear power plant.

132. Please give me some of your food."

133. So if you see somebody wearing a shirt that says that,

134. be a nice guy.

135. Who's gonna make the shirts?

136. I don't know who's gonna make the shirts.

137. Rodney, will you make the shirts?

138. Sorry, but I'm probably gonna be

139. at the movie theaters most of the time.

140. Darryl, will you make the shirts?

141. - Fine. Okay.

142. But I'm gonna need some food, too.

143. Okay, fine, then just make yourself a shirt

144. that says, "I made this shirt.

145. Please give me some of your food,"

146. and then everyone will give you some food.

147. Well, what's to stop anyone from just making a shirt

148. that says, "Hey, I do something stupid.

149. Feed my ass for it."

150. Okay, I will be a shirt inspector

151. and I'll go around and I'll make sure everybody's shirts

152. are legit, is that okay?

153. So, will you make me a shirt

154. that says, "Shirt inspector," please?

155. That guy sounds like a cop!

156. No, I'm not a cop, I'm just an inspector.

157. He's a cop, let's get him!

158. A new age is upon us!

159. We won't let the man hijack our revolution.

160. Forget everything that guy said.

161. Yeah!

162. Wait, forget everything that guy said?

163. Yeah!

164. Yeah!

165. Okay, okay, well, my name is Barry,

166. and I used to work at a nuclear power plant up north.

167. All right, gentlemen, let's start this meeting

168. about the new direction of RC Cola.

169. The presentation begins now.

170. Got some ideas.

171. By some, I mean one big idea.

172. RC Glow.

173. That's right, the RC will glow.

174. What do you mean, glow?

175. The RC Cola is gonna glow.

176. In the dark?

177. All the time.

178. How are you gonna make the RC glow?

179. That's for the marketing department to figure out.

180. No, it's not.

181. Yes, it is.

182. Pete, do you have the sheet

183. on what the different departments are

184. and what they do?

185. That's not the marketing department.

186. You're the marketing department.

187. I'm the marketing department

188. and I'm marketing RC Glow.

189. - No, you're not. - Yes, I am.

190. - No, you're not. - Yes, I am.

191. You're not.

192. - Am. - Not.

193. RC Glow.

194. How are you gonna make RC Glow?

195. That's for finance to figure out.

196. - No, it's not. - Yes, it is.

197. Look at the sheet.

198. It's not.

199. It's not.

200. It's not, that's marketing.

201. No, you're marketing.

202. I am. RC Glow. In stores soon.

203. - No. - Yes.

204. Why would a consumer choose an incandescent beverage?

205. RC Cola, the incandescent beverage.

206. You know, any chemical that's gonna make RC glow

207. is going to be toxic.

208. That's for finance to figure out.

209. - No, it's not. - Look at the sheet.

210. Well, it's not for marketing.

211. Well, you're right.

212. So we don't have to worry about it.

213. That's not true.

214. RC Glow. Also, Vanilla RC Glow.

215. - No. - Yes.

216. - No. - Totally.

217. - No. - Done deal.

218. - It's not. - It is.

219. - No. - Advertising.

220. - No. - Finance.

221. No.

222. RC Glow.

223. RC Glow.

224. - Fine. - Thank you.

225. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

226. I call now a witness to the murder

227. that took place at the Dancy Clam strip club

228. on August the 14th.

229. Miss Sugar Ponyberry, will you please take the stand?

230. Miss Ponyberry, you are a stripper

231. at the Dancy Clam, are you not?

232. I'm an exotic dancer.

233. And you witnessed the accused shoot Mr. Whitehall?

234. Objection, Your Honor. Leading the witness.

235. Sustained.

236. Miss Ponyberry, you were at the club the night

237. of the shooting, correct?

238. Yes, I was.

239. And what were you doing?

240. I was dancing on stage

241. just a couple feet away from him.

242. And what did you see?

243. That man walked up and shot Mr. Whitehall

244. and he fell into me.

245. No further questions, Your Honor.

246. Miss Ponyberry,

247. if you were dancing when the shooting occurred,

248. you couldn't have possibly gotten a good look

249. at who the shooter was.

250. No, but I did because I turned and looked.

251. Could you show us the position?

252. The what?

253. Could you step up and show the jury the position

254. you were in when the shooting occurred?

255. - Objection.

256. Really?

257. I mean, objection because she'd still be able

258. to easily see the murderer

259. because she didn't have all those clothes blocking her view.

260. I call bullshit. Let's see it.

261. Really?

262. Are you serious, Your Honor?

263. Um...

264. Yeah, off with it.

265. So, how did that position go again?

266. Yeah, how did that go?

267. Well, it was kind of like this.

268. - Oh God, it's so hard to do

269. without a pole.

270. Can we get a pole in here?

271. Can we get a pole?

272. Your Honor, we don't have a pole.

273. Uh—

274. Use the American flag.

275. Well, I was kind of like this.

276. And then I turned around,

277. - and he fell right into me.

278. Um, may I?

279. When the man fell into you,

280. was it sort of like?

281. - Oh!

282. No, not really.

283. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Uh...

284. So this guy, when he fell into you,

285. he was more like...

286. Like a roll, like that?

287. Yeah, kind of, I guess.

288. Um, would the prosecution

289. and the defense please approach the bench?

290. Um.

291. See if, uh...

292. if you can get her to...

293. you know.

294. See if you can get her to like, kiss a girl.

295. We don't have any other girls, sir.

296. Oh, what about, like, one of the jurors?

297. We probably shouldn't do that, sir.

298. We shouldn't do that.

299. See if she'll, like, be like, "Hey, would you..."

300. Like, uh...

301. Um, we're doing something.

302. Doesn't anybody knock?

303. - There you go.

304. Daddy, tell me that story again.

305. Okay.

306. Well, once upon a time

307. when your daddy was really, really young,

308. he met the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

309. She had long, gorgeous hair and the prettiest smile.

310. And he also met the woman's drunk, loud friend.

311. And see, the beautiful woman had this asshole boyfriend

312. who everyone thought was cool because he was a dick.

313. So what would happen was, whenever your daddy

314. was trying to hang out with the beautiful maiden,

315. he would end up going home with the loud alchie.

316. And you see, when someone's locked in

317. to a serious substance abuse problem,

318. they let the little things

319. in their life fall by the wayside,

320. like remembering to take their pills.

321. And that's when you came along.

322. I'm in this story?

323. You're a big part of this story,

324. because when you showed up,

325. your daddy had to sell his muscle car

326. to make an honest woman out of that skank.

327. And the reality is, selling all the muscle cars

328. in the world wouldn't make that strumpet an honest woman.

329. Some people are just bad.

330. They're just born bad.

331. Daddy, do you think Mommy will ever find us again?

332. Got a. 30-06 that says it doesn't matter if she does.

333. I love you, Dad.

334. We leave this world together.

335. Do you understand me?

336. We leave this world together.

337. I know.

338. Ho, ho, ho.

339. It's Santa.

340. Grab the cookies.

341. Ho, ho. I brought peas.

342. - Oh, lame. - Yeah.

343. No, no, no, no, no.

344. I mean I brought world peace.

345. Oh, that's cool.

346. I'm just kidding.

347. I meant a sack of pee.

348. Oh, worst Christmas ever. Come on.

349. What? Do you get it?

350. Holy shit!

351. That's original.