1. Okay, everybody.
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2. Who's ready to play...
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3. Wheel! Of! Money!
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4. Okay, I've just been
informed by our legal team
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5. that we're not allowed
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6. to chant the name of
the show that way.
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7. So from now on,
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8. - it'll be...
Wheel...
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9. of Money!
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10. Okay.
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11. All right, now let's meet our
first contestant, shall we?
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12. Contestant number one is Sam.
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13. Sam is an electrician
in Napa Valley.
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14. Sam, you nervous?
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15. No, I've been on TV before.
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16. Now, Sam, it says here
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17. that you have something
you're legally bound to tell us.
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18. - I'm a convicted child molester.
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19. Ouch. Okay, well, now that that
unpleasantness is behind us,
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20. let's play the game.
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21. - Holy God!
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22. What did you do that for?
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23. I forgot to let
go of the wheel.
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24. - What?
- I forgot to let go of the wheel
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25. and my arms came off.
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26. That—
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27. Okay. Well, I've just
been informed by our insurers
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28. that I need to remind
the contestants
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29. that it's very important
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30. to let go of the Wheel of Money.
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31. Wheel! Of!
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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32. Money!
- Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
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33. And it's Wheel...
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34. of Money.
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35. Okay?
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36. Alright.
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37. Now, let's move on
to our second contestant.
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38. - Lydia.
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39. Now you're
just a mom, right?
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40. That's right.
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41. Okay. Nothing to see here.
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42. Let's just play the game,
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43. but let's play as safely
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44. as possible.
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45. Okay, Pat.
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46. I'm not Pat.
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47. Oh, I'm sorry. This is just
so much like Wheel of Fortune.
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48. Okay, okay. But it's not.
It's not. It's not that game.
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49. This is a different game.
This is Wheel of Money. Okay?
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50. Wheel! Of! Money!
- Nope, nope. Stop, stop, stop.
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51. Stop saying it like that.
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52. Stop saying it like that.
Okay. I know.
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53. Thank you. Thank you.
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54. Okay.
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55. Lydia,
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56. spin the Wheel of Money
as carefully as you can.
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57. I know. I will.
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58. Are you kidding me?
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59. I did it wrong.
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60. Yeah, you did.
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61. I know.
I will tell them again though.
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62. Please, for the love of God,
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63. let go of the Wheel of Money.
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64. Wheel! Of! Money!
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65. One more time.
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66. Please, let go of the wheel.
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67. It's so cold.
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68. Well, I don't doubt it.
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69. Can I spin it again?
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70. No, you can't.
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71. And... no you can't.
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72. Now let's move on to
our next contestant.
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73. - Contestant number three's name
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74. - is Aubrey.
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75. Aubrey is a hockey player
in Montreal
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76. Wheel of Fortune!
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77. It's Wheel of Money.
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78. Wheel...
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79. of Money!
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80. Okay. Now, Aubrey, if I could
stress one thing to you,
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81. and I wanna make sure you're
paying crystal clear attention.
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82. Talk to me, Pat.
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83. Let go of the wheel.
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84. Oh, sure.
That's all I'm gonna do.
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85. Just spin her and let her go.
Spin her and let her go.
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86. All right.
Spin her and let her on go.
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87. Spin her and let her on go.
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88. - Unbelievable!
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89. Ice skates?
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90. Go to camera two.
Ah! Go to camera three.
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91. Quick camera one. Oh my God.
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92. Sir, they're all dead.
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93. Well, just keep jumping
around as fast as you can.
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94. If we don't fill up 22 minutes,
we'll never get picked up.
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95. Just hit the applause sign.
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96. Wheel! Of! Money!
Wheel! Of! Money!
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97. Wheel! Of! Money!
Wheel! Of! Money!
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98. - Wheel! Of! Money!
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99. Well, that show
is fucking metal.
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100. Let's pick 'em up
for the fall season.
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101. Everybody involved in
the production is dead.
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102. Wheel! Of! Money!
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103. Then let's go to lunch.
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104. Day four
of the journey,
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105. Tom Frecklebottom's
ascent to the peak
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106. of Mount Gudo has
been long and arduous.
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107. He is now 100 miles
from civilization.
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108. Here, hydration and nutrition
are his prime concerns.
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109. As he nears the peak,
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110. food and drink will become
more and more scarce.
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111. Watch your step.
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112. Whoa, there's rocks!
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113. - Help!
Disaster struck.
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114. Help! Help!
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115. Pinned
beneath a large boulder
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116. with no one around
to come to his aid,
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117. things are looking bleak.
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118. Help. Put the camera
down and help me.
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119. Without
medical attention,
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120. this man will surely die and
decompose on this very spot,
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121. all of which you will see
in this documentary.
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122. What?
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123. As my crew sets
up camp for the long wait,
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124. the man ponders his life and
comes to grips with his fate.
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125. Uh, Bill? We doing this?
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126. - Copy that. Settin' up.
- Rick! No. Rick! Bill.
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127. Caleb,
can I get a water?
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128. Caleb. Caleb, help me.
Help me. Gimme some water.
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129. Gimme some water. Help!
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130. Caleb.
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131. Minutes turn to hours.
- Come on!
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132. Hours turn to days.
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133. How long can—
Caleb, fetch me that tripod.
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134. Tripod?
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135. How long can one man last
in these conditions?
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136. We should probably set up
for a time lapse here.
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137. Time lapse? No!
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138. Two hours in
and he's still alive.
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139. Please. You gotta...
you gotta help.
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140. It hurts.
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141. Fortunately,
the dying process was sped up
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142. when he was struck in the head
by another large rock.
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143. What?
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144. No. No, that rock.
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145. No. The one you were
just playing with.
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146. You want me to hit him
with this?
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147. All right.
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148. No! Rick. No! No! Don't.
Seriously. Seriously.
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149. No, no.
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150. Yes. We got the back seat.
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151. Awesome. Whoa, check it out.
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152. Back seat!
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153. Woo!
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154. Oh man. I love the back seat.
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155. Yeah, the back seat's the balls.
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156. Do you wanna throw firecrackers
out the window?
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157. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
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158. - Awesome!
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159. Hey, do you wanna throw some
of my lunch out the window?
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160. Abso-queef-ly.
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161. - Whatever. Come on.
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162. Oh!
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163. Oh, man. That was awesome.
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164. Now I don't have
any lunch though.
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165. It's okay, buddy.
You can have some of mine.
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166. - I'll share.
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167. Thanks, dude.
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168. My food is your food.
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169. You sound like a communist.
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170. Hm. Not really communism.
More like socialism.
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171. If you think about it,
socialism's not really that bad.
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172. Yeah, I guess you're right.
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173. It's kind of like just
being really nice and fair.
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174. If you think about it,
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175. socialism's like everybody
helping everybody else out
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176. and capitalism's like greed.
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177. Hey, what are you kids
doing back there?
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178. It's weird. It's like
the only reason capitalism works
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179. is because it plays on
man's biggest flaw.
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180. Hey, what the hell are
you doing back there?
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181. It's almost like if
you're really working
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182. on developing your soul
and being a good person,
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183. capitalism is constantly
throwing obstacles in your way.
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184. Hey! Hey!
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185. Yeah. It's like the principles
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186. that every single
religion teaches—
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187. Hey.
- ... are directly opposed
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188. to the principles of capitalism.
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189. I'm gonna turn
this bus around!
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190. I'll turn it right around!
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191. I guess that's where the whole
great Satan thing comes from.
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192. That's it!
You kids are getting pink slips!
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193. - Hey, look. The girl's back.
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194. - Yay! I got you a banana.
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195. The backseat's awesome.
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196. Captain's log.
February 14th, 2420.
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197. Can't believe we're about
to reach the edge of space.
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198. I know.
Space is like a giant cloud,
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199. always expanding, ever growing.
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200. The edge of which was always
just beyond our reach.
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201. But now, with the innovation
of modern computers,
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202. we can harness the gravity
from the Alpha Centauri system
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203. and literally
slingshot ourselves
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204. 300 times the speed of light.
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205. Within moments, we'll pass
through the edge of space
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206. and be the first astronauts
to travel into the void.
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207. Yeah. I know.
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208. Oh.
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209. I'll just check my
thermal spectra-vision here
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210. to see how far we are away
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211. - from the edge of the—
- I know what it does.
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212. Oh, good.
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213. It'll save me a lot of breath.
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214. We can talk about...
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215. other things that we're doing...
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216. besides space...
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217. and what we're doing.
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218. - What kind of music do you—
- We can talk about whatever.
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219. Good, good.
I will use my spectra-vision now
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220. to see how far we are
away from the edge of—
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221. We're coming up on
the Hawkings Wall right now.
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222. Start the captain's log.
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223. Our instruments tell us that
we are three seconds away
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224. - from the edge of space.
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225. Two seconds. One second.
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226. - And it's all red.
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227. Oh my God.
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228. The void is red.
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229. Well, that must be beca—
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230. Wow.
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231. I have no idea why that is.
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232. Captain, can I ask
you a question?
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233. Yeah.
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234. Did your heart stop?
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235. 'Cause mine did.
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236. I believe it did. Hm.
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237. Oh.
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238. - There's a hot dog.
That's weird.
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239. Is it weird?
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240. Anything goes out here?
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241. Guess so.
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242. Oh, now there's a duck.
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243. I wonder what he wants.
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244. You see a duck?
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245. That's funny,
'cause I see a terrier.
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246. No, a duck is
the one with the bill.
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247. I know what a duck is.
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248. I love you.
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249. That dog just
said he loves me.
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250. Well that's good because
the duck just said, "Satan."
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251. Y'know maybe we should just
move along from this whole
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252. duck-terrier thing.
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253. We're good.
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254. It's fine. You can go.
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255. Thank you. No, thank you.
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256. We don't need any.
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257. It's cool.
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258. Bye.
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259. Uh, I don't know
how to say this,
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260. but I seem to be holding
a lot of spaghetti.
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261. That's interesting.
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262. 'Cause I'm an English gentleman.
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263. Is my head a giant eyeball?
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264. No.
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265. 'Cause it feels
just like a giant eyeball.
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266. No, it's... me.
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267. Where'd I go?
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268. Maybe we should just
turn around now, sir.
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269. Agreed.
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270. What?
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271. Okay. Okay.
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272. Whoa!
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273. Oh.
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274. My heart started
beating again.
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275. I'm sure mine will.
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276. Oh, by the way,
Happy Valentine's Day, sir.
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277. Oh, today is Valentine's Day?
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278. Computer, did I get any
incoming mail today?
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279. Negative on incoming mail.
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280. Oh.
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281. Kelly, sweetie.
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282. You okay? You okay?
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283. Sorry you had to see that.
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284. Remember, we had that
talk about knocking?
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285. This is why knocking's
so important.
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286. What were you
two doing in there?
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287. Well, I knew that we were
gonna have to have this talk
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288. sooner or later.
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289. Kelly?
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290. Sometimes when grownups love
each other very, very much,
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291. they express that love
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292. by hugging each other so tightly
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293. that their bodies
almost fit together.
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294. Do you understand?
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295. Okay.
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296. Sometimes mommies and
daddies will sleep together
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297. and their bodies will connect
out of love.
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298. Does that make sense?
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299. I think so.
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300. And sometimes after
connecting for decades
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301. and decades with mommies,
daddies get sort of,
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302. you know, tired of it all.
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303. Then they seek out something
else to connect with.
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304. Like donkeys?
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305. Yeah. Yeah. Like donkeys.
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306. Do you love that donkey?
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307. Well, I love what I do
with that donkey.
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308. Were you hurting the donkey?
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309. No.
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310. Well,
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311. I have no really
real way of telling.
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312. I, you know, I don't think so.
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313. Maybe. Nah, I don't think so.
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314. Well, do mommies
connect with donkeys too?
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315. No. Your mommy's a whore.
She fucks everybody.
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316. Do you wanna see me?
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317. Uh, yeah. Steven, um, come in.
Have a seat, will ya?
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318. What's up?
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319. That's um,
quite a T-shirt, Steven.
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320. It's casual Fridays.
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321. Yeah, but aren't we
being a little too casual?
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322. You said we could wear
T-shirts on casual Fridays.
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323. You said that last month.
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324. Yeah, but your shirt
says,
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325. "Fuck
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326. this job,
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327. and fuck
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328. Brian."
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329. And I'm Brian.
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330. It's just a shirt.
It's not about you.
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331. See, I find that
hard to believe, Steven.
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332. Okay, so like what?
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333. You want me to go change
my shirt or something?
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334. Well, yeah, I do,
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335. but I also think that you and I
need to have a little chitchat.
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336. I mean, what's going on buddy?
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337. Nothing.
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338. Is anything wrong?
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339. No, I'm good. You okay?
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340. This is about the vending
machine again, isn't it?
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341. Steven, that vending
machine ate your quarter
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342. eight months ago.
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343. You gotta learn to
let stuff go, buddy.
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344. I've given you many,
many quarters since then.
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345. I, I bought you a whole
six pack of Mr. Pibbs.
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346. Yeah.
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347. Why would you wear that shirt?
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348. It's casual Fridays.
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349. Okay, let me
get this straight.
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350. Last August, you go up
to the soda machine,
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351. which isn't even
on our property.
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352. You put your quarter in,
it doesn't give you your drink,
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353. and your first
reaction is eff this job
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354. and eff me?
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355. It's just a shirt.
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356. Here's seven quarters.
That's all I have on me.
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357. Are we good now?
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358. Please turn the shirt
inside out.
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359. Everybody back up. Back up,
everyone. Out of the street.
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360. - Ice him, Johnny.
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361. Holy shit!
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362. That's original.
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