The Whitest Kids U' Know 3x17

Directed by

Wheel of Money Butler Sketch Hiking Documentary Back Seat

Request examples:

!req The Whitest Kids U' Know 3x17 [02:32]
!req The Whitest Kids U' Know 3x17 [The Whitest Kids U' Know 3x17]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req The Whitest Kids U' Know 3x17 [10-11]; !req The Whitest Kids U' Know 3x17 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Okay, everybody.

2. Who's ready to play...

3. Wheel! Of! Money!

4. Okay, I've just been informed by our legal team

5. that we're not allowed

6. to chant the name of the show that way.

7. So from now on,

8. - it'll be... Wheel...

9. of Money!

10. Okay.

11. All right, now let's meet our first contestant, shall we?

12. Contestant number one is Sam.

13. Sam is an electrician in Napa Valley.

14. Sam, you nervous?

15. No, I've been on TV before.

16. Now, Sam, it says here

17. that you have something you're legally bound to tell us.

18. - I'm a convicted child molester.

19. Ouch. Okay, well, now that that unpleasantness is behind us,

20. let's play the game.

21. - Holy God!

22. What did you do that for?

23. I forgot to let go of the wheel.

24. - What? - I forgot to let go of the wheel

25. and my arms came off.

26. That—

27. Okay. Well, I've just been informed by our insurers

28. that I need to remind the contestants

29. that it's very important

30. to let go of the Wheel of Money.

31. Wheel! Of! - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

32. Money! - Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

33. And it's Wheel...

34. of Money.

35. Okay?

36. Alright.

37. Now, let's move on to our second contestant.

38. - Lydia.

39. Now you're just a mom, right?

40. That's right.

41. Okay. Nothing to see here.

42. Let's just play the game,

43. but let's play as safely

44. as possible.

45. Okay, Pat.

46. I'm not Pat.

47. Oh, I'm sorry. This is just so much like Wheel of Fortune.

48. Okay, okay. But it's not. It's not. It's not that game.

49. This is a different game. This is Wheel of Money. Okay?

50. Wheel! Of! Money! - Nope, nope. Stop, stop, stop.

51. Stop saying it like that.

52. Stop saying it like that. Okay. I know.

53. Thank you. Thank you.

54. Okay.

55. Lydia,

56. spin the Wheel of Money as carefully as you can.

57. I know. I will.

58. Are you kidding me?

59. I did it wrong.

60. Yeah, you did.

61. I know. I will tell them again though.

62. Please, for the love of God,

63. let go of the Wheel of Money.

64. Wheel! Of! Money!

65. One more time.

66. Please, let go of the wheel.

67. It's so cold.

68. Well, I don't doubt it.

69. Can I spin it again?

70. No, you can't.

71. And... no you can't.

72. Now let's move on to our next contestant.

73. - Contestant number three's name

74. - is Aubrey.

75. Aubrey is a hockey player in Montreal

76. Wheel of Fortune!

77. It's Wheel of Money.

78. Wheel...

79. of Money!

80. Okay. Now, Aubrey, if I could stress one thing to you,

81. and I wanna make sure you're paying crystal clear attention.

82. Talk to me, Pat.

83. Let go of the wheel.

84. Oh, sure. That's all I'm gonna do.

85. Just spin her and let her go. Spin her and let her go.

86. All right. Spin her and let her on go.

87. Spin her and let her on go.

88. - Unbelievable!

89. Ice skates?

90. Go to camera two. Ah! Go to camera three.

91. Quick camera one. Oh my God.

92. Sir, they're all dead.

93. Well, just keep jumping around as fast as you can.

94. If we don't fill up 22 minutes, we'll never get picked up.

95. Just hit the applause sign.

96. Wheel! Of! Money! Wheel! Of! Money!

97. Wheel! Of! Money! Wheel! Of! Money!

98. - Wheel! Of! Money!

99. Well, that show is fucking metal.

100. Let's pick 'em up for the fall season.

101. Everybody involved in the production is dead.

102. Wheel! Of! Money!

103. Then let's go to lunch.

104. Day four of the journey,

105. Tom Frecklebottom's ascent to the peak

106. of Mount Gudo has been long and arduous.

107. He is now 100 miles from civilization.

108. Here, hydration and nutrition are his prime concerns.

109. As he nears the peak,

110. food and drink will become more and more scarce.

111. Watch your step.

112. Whoa, there's rocks!

113. - Help! Disaster struck.

114. Help! Help!

115. Pinned beneath a large boulder

116. with no one around to come to his aid,

117. things are looking bleak.

118. Help. Put the camera down and help me.

119. Without medical attention,

120. this man will surely die and decompose on this very spot,

121. all of which you will see in this documentary.

122. What?

123. As my crew sets up camp for the long wait,

124. the man ponders his life and comes to grips with his fate.

125. Uh, Bill? We doing this?

126. - Copy that. Settin' up. - Rick! No. Rick! Bill.

127. Caleb, can I get a water?

128. Caleb. Caleb, help me. Help me. Gimme some water.

129. Gimme some water. Help!

130. Caleb.

131. Minutes turn to hours. - Come on!

132. Hours turn to days.

133. How long can— Caleb, fetch me that tripod.

134. Tripod?

135. How long can one man last in these conditions?

136. We should probably set up for a time lapse here.

137. Time lapse? No!

138. Two hours in and he's still alive.

139. Please. You gotta... you gotta help.

140. It hurts.

141. Fortunately, the dying process was sped up

142. when he was struck in the head by another large rock.

143. What?

144. No. No, that rock.

145. No. The one you were just playing with.

146. You want me to hit him with this?

147. All right.

148. No! Rick. No! No! Don't. Seriously. Seriously.

149. No, no.

150. Yes. We got the back seat.

151. Awesome. Whoa, check it out.

152. Back seat!

153. Woo!

154. Oh man. I love the back seat.

155. Yeah, the back seat's the balls.

156. Do you wanna throw firecrackers out the window?

157. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

158. - Awesome!

159. Hey, do you wanna throw some of my lunch out the window?

160. Abso-queef-ly.

161. - Whatever. Come on.

162. Oh!

163. Oh, man. That was awesome.

164. Now I don't have any lunch though.

165. It's okay, buddy. You can have some of mine.

166. - I'll share.

167. Thanks, dude.

168. My food is your food.

169. You sound like a communist.

170. Hm. Not really communism. More like socialism.

171. If you think about it, socialism's not really that bad.

172. Yeah, I guess you're right.

173. It's kind of like just being really nice and fair.

174. If you think about it,

175. socialism's like everybody helping everybody else out

176. and capitalism's like greed.

177. Hey, what are you kids doing back there?

178. It's weird. It's like the only reason capitalism works

179. is because it plays on man's biggest flaw.

180. Hey, what the hell are you doing back there?

181. It's almost like if you're really working

182. on developing your soul and being a good person,

183. capitalism is constantly throwing obstacles in your way.

184. Hey! Hey!

185. Yeah. It's like the principles

186. that every single religion teaches—

187. Hey. - ... are directly opposed

188. to the principles of capitalism.

189. I'm gonna turn this bus around!

190. I'll turn it right around!

191. I guess that's where the whole great Satan thing comes from.

192. That's it! You kids are getting pink slips!

193. - Hey, look. The girl's back.

194. - Yay! I got you a banana.

195. The backseat's awesome.

196. Captain's log. February 14th, 2420.

197. Can't believe we're about to reach the edge of space.

198. I know. Space is like a giant cloud,

199. always expanding, ever growing.

200. The edge of which was always just beyond our reach.

201. But now, with the innovation of modern computers,

202. we can harness the gravity from the Alpha Centauri system

203. and literally slingshot ourselves

204. 300 times the speed of light.

205. Within moments, we'll pass through the edge of space

206. and be the first astronauts to travel into the void.

207. Yeah. I know.

208. Oh.

209. I'll just check my thermal spectra-vision here

210. to see how far we are away

211. - from the edge of the— - I know what it does.

212. Oh, good.

213. It'll save me a lot of breath.

214. We can talk about...

215. other things that we're doing...

216. besides space...

217. and what we're doing.

218. - What kind of music do you— - We can talk about whatever.

219. Good, good. I will use my spectra-vision now

220. to see how far we are away from the edge of—

221. We're coming up on the Hawkings Wall right now.

222. Start the captain's log.

223. Our instruments tell us that we are three seconds away

224. - from the edge of space.

225. Two seconds. One second.

226. - And it's all red.

227. Oh my God.

228. The void is red.

229. Well, that must be beca—

230. Wow.

231. I have no idea why that is.

232. Captain, can I ask you a question?

233. Yeah.

234. Did your heart stop?

235. 'Cause mine did.

236. I believe it did. Hm.

237. Oh.

238. - There's a hot dog. That's weird.

239. Is it weird?

240. Anything goes out here?

241. Guess so.

242. Oh, now there's a duck.

243. I wonder what he wants.

244. You see a duck?

245. That's funny, 'cause I see a terrier.

246. No, a duck is the one with the bill.

247. I know what a duck is.

248. I love you.

249. That dog just said he loves me.

250. Well that's good because the duck just said, "Satan."

251. Y'know maybe we should just move along from this whole

252. duck-terrier thing.

253. We're good.

254. It's fine. You can go.

255. Thank you. No, thank you.

256. We don't need any.

257. It's cool.

258. Bye.

259. Uh, I don't know how to say this,

260. but I seem to be holding a lot of spaghetti.

261. That's interesting.

262. 'Cause I'm an English gentleman.

263. Is my head a giant eyeball?

264. No.

265. 'Cause it feels just like a giant eyeball.

266. No, it's... me.

267. Where'd I go?

268. Maybe we should just turn around now, sir.

269. Agreed.

270. What?

271. Okay. Okay.

272. Whoa!

273. Oh.

274. My heart started beating again.

275. I'm sure mine will.

276. Oh, by the way, Happy Valentine's Day, sir.

277. Oh, today is Valentine's Day?

278. Computer, did I get any incoming mail today?

279. Negative on incoming mail.

280. Oh.

281. Kelly, sweetie.

282. You okay? You okay?

283. Sorry you had to see that.

284. Remember, we had that talk about knocking?

285. This is why knocking's so important.

286. What were you two doing in there?

287. Well, I knew that we were gonna have to have this talk

288. sooner or later.

289. Kelly?

290. Sometimes when grownups love each other very, very much,

291. they express that love

292. by hugging each other so tightly

293. that their bodies almost fit together.

294. Do you understand?

295. Okay.

296. Sometimes mommies and daddies will sleep together

297. and their bodies will connect out of love.

298. Does that make sense?

299. I think so.

300. And sometimes after connecting for decades

301. and decades with mommies, daddies get sort of,

302. you know, tired of it all.

303. Then they seek out something else to connect with.

304. Like donkeys?

305. Yeah. Yeah. Like donkeys.

306. Do you love that donkey?

307. Well, I love what I do with that donkey.

308. Were you hurting the donkey?

309. No.

310. Well,

311. I have no really real way of telling.

312. I, you know, I don't think so.

313. Maybe. Nah, I don't think so.

314. Well, do mommies connect with donkeys too?

315. No. Your mommy's a whore. She fucks everybody.

316. Do you wanna see me?

317. Uh, yeah. Steven, um, come in. Have a seat, will ya?

318. What's up?

319. That's um, quite a T-shirt, Steven.

320. It's casual Fridays.

321. Yeah, but aren't we being a little too casual?

322. You said we could wear T-shirts on casual Fridays.

323. You said that last month.

324. Yeah, but your shirt says,

325. "Fuck

326. this job,

327. and fuck

328. Brian."

329. And I'm Brian.

330. It's just a shirt. It's not about you.

331. See, I find that hard to believe, Steven.

332. Okay, so like what?

333. You want me to go change my shirt or something?

334. Well, yeah, I do,

335. but I also think that you and I need to have a little chitchat.

336. I mean, what's going on buddy?

337. Nothing.

338. Is anything wrong?

339. No, I'm good. You okay?

340. This is about the vending machine again, isn't it?

341. Steven, that vending machine ate your quarter

342. eight months ago.

343. You gotta learn to let stuff go, buddy.

344. I've given you many, many quarters since then.

345. I, I bought you a whole six pack of Mr. Pibbs.

346. Yeah.

347. Why would you wear that shirt?

348. It's casual Fridays.

349. Okay, let me get this straight.

350. Last August, you go up to the soda machine,

351. which isn't even on our property.

352. You put your quarter in, it doesn't give you your drink,

353. and your first reaction is eff this job

354. and eff me?

355. It's just a shirt.

356. Here's seven quarters. That's all I have on me.

357. Are we good now?

358. Please turn the shirt inside out.

359. Everybody back up. Back up, everyone. Out of the street.

360. - Ice him, Johnny.

361. Holy shit!

362. That's original.