1. Cool, a silver guy.
Copy !req
2. Soon I will be human.
Copy !req
3. Hello, my name
is Osama bin Laden.
Copy !req
4. I'm sorry for all
the things that I did.
Copy !req
5. Now let's have a game show.
Copy !req
6. Welcome to the Cash Quiz.
Copy !req
7. Now let's meet
our first contestant.
Copy !req
8. Hi, my name
is Osama bin Laden.
Copy !req
9. Who are you?
Copy !req
10. My name is Richard Johnson.
Copy !req
11. Richard, thanks
for being on the show.
Copy !req
12. Where are you from?
Copy !req
13. New York City.
Copy !req
14. Oh, what a beautiful city.
Copy !req
15. Are you fucking kidding me?
Copy !req
16. No. No.
I went there once in 1979.
Copy !req
17. Had a magnificent time.
Copy !req
18. Now, Richard, where did you
hear about our show?
Copy !req
19. Well, I heard you had a show
Copy !req
20. and I thought
I would come down here
Copy !req
21. and give you
a piece of my mind.
Copy !req
22. Yes. Yes.
Copy !req
23. I'm sorry about
the bad things that I did.
Copy !req
24. Now, how would you like to win
a brand-new yacht?
Copy !req
25. Really?
Copy !req
26. Yes.
Copy !req
27. All you have to do
is answer this question.
Copy !req
28. Home Alone.
Copy !req
29. That's correct.
You just won a brand-new yacht!
Copy !req
30. That's right, Osama.
Copy !req
31. He's won a
Bayline Cruiser 6000.
Copy !req
32. It sleeps seven and reaches
speeds upwards of 50 knots.
Copy !req
33. From the good people at Bayline,
"Go boat, go!" Bayline.
Copy !req
34. Richard, you just won a
brand-new yacht.
Copy !req
35. What show did you win it on?
Copy !req
36. Cash Quiz.
Copy !req
37. That's right.
Thank you so much.
Copy !req
38. Let's meet
our second contestant.
Copy !req
39. He is one Corn Cob Jenkins.
Copy !req
40. Corn Cob, how are you?
Copy !req
41. I can't believe it.
Copy !req
42. You've got some nerve, pal.
Copy !req
43. Corn Cob,
where do you hail from?
Copy !req
44. No one believed me
when I told them that I swore
Copy !req
45. that on that day, that dreadful
day in September, I swore
Copy !req
46. that I would find the guy
that did this to my country
Copy !req
47. and I would take him—
Copy !req
48. Yes. Yes, yes.
I'm sorry for all
Copy !req
49. the bad things that I did,
Copy !req
50. but how would you like to win
a trip to Las Vegas?
Copy !req
51. Nevada?
Copy !req
52. That's right. All you have to do
is answer this question.
Copy !req
53. Nevada.
Copy !req
54. - That's correct.
Copy !req
55. That's right, Corn Cob.
Copy !req
56. You've won an all expenses paid,
six days, seven nights trip
Copy !req
57. to beautiful
Las Vegas, Nevada,
Copy !req
58. where you'll be staying at the
wonderful Golden Boner Casino
Copy !req
59. where you'll hobnob
with celebrities,
Copy !req
60. play for the big bucks,
and you'll even be having dinner
Copy !req
61. with Wayne Newton's brother.
Copy !req
62. Thanks to
the Golden Boner Casino,
Copy !req
63. always bet on Boner,
Golden Boner.
Copy !req
64. Corn Cob.
Copy !req
65. Congratulations.
Copy !req
66. This is the best day of my life.
Copy !req
67. Thank you, Osama.
Copy !req
68. Okay, let's meet
our third contestant.
Copy !req
69. Why, hello.
What is your name?
Copy !req
70. I found him. He's right here.
Copy !req
71. I see that you are
an enlisted man.
Copy !req
72. - Let me start by thanking you
Copy !req
73. for the brave service
that you provide your country
Copy !req
74. Coordinates Alpha Bravo 100 by
Copy !req
75. Charlie Delta 600.
Deploy air strike now.
Copy !req
76. Now, how would you like
Copy !req
77. to win a six-month subscription
to Webflix?
Copy !req
78. Hold on air strike.
Copy !req
79. Hello. How are you?
Copy !req
80. I'm looking for a video
Copy !req
81. and right off the bat
I'd like to say I'm not a cop.
Copy !req
82. Get outta my store.
Copy !req
83. Okay. Fair enough.
Copy !req
84. No harm asking.
Copy !req
85. Hi. I was in here yesterday
and I bought a video
Copy !req
86. and I was wondering
if I could exchange it.
Copy !req
87. What's wrong with it?
Copy !req
88. Well, I was in
your grandma section
Copy !req
89. and, oh, as of lately,
Copy !req
90. I've been getting into
grandma porn because—
Copy !req
91. I don't...
Copy !req
92. Okay. It's just, long story
short, my grandma just died
Copy !req
93. and I've been attracted to her—
Copy !req
94. Ugh! What's wrong with it?
Copy !req
95. Well, I was trying to
figure out which one to get,
Copy !req
96. and I saw that you have
Slutty Grandmas,
Copy !req
97. Black Grandmas,
Gaping Grandmas,
Copy !req
98. I mean,
you have a whole bunch.
Copy !req
99. We pride ourselves in
our selection.
Copy !req
100. Right. Well, I was trying
Copy !req
101. to figure out which one
would be the best one to get
Copy !req
102. and I saw that you have
Amazing Grandmas,
Copy !req
103. Fantastic Grandmas and
Great Grandmas,
Copy !req
104. so I thought, "great."
Copy !req
105. So I bought the video
and I went home.
Copy !req
106. Shortly thereafter, I realized
that Great Grandmas
Copy !req
107. is about great-grandmas.
Copy !req
108. I don't follow.
Copy !req
109. Well, I thought the film would
be full of great grandmas,
Copy !req
110. but it's really full of
great-grandmas.
Copy !req
111. That's what it says on the box.
Copy !req
112. Alright.
How do I explain this? Um...
Copy !req
113. I thought that this would
be a great film about grandmas,
Copy !req
114. but what this is
is a film about great-grandmas.
Copy !req
115. I mean, some of them,
I don't even
Copy !req
116. think they knew where they were.
Copy !req
117. Some of them are senile as shit,
they're great-grandmas.
Copy !req
118. See, that's what I mean.
Copy !req
119. I wanted some grandmas
that were great.
Copy !req
120. Not great-grandmas as in
grandmas' moms.
Copy !req
121. Oh, okay.
Copy !req
122. You're gonna wanna get
great-great grandmas—
Copy !req
123. No, I don't want
great-great grandmas.
Copy !req
124. No, no, no. Don't worry.
Copy !req
125. It's not great-great-grandmas.
Copy !req
126. It's great great-grandmas.
Copy !req
127. You know, I'm not attracted to
great-grandmas
Copy !req
128. and, you know,
one of them in this video,
Copy !req
129. I'm pretty sure
she was a dead lady.
Copy !req
130. People like different things.
Copy !req
131. I know people like
different things.
Copy !req
132. I don't like great-grandmas.
Copy !req
133. I am a normal—
Copy !req
134. Well.
Copy !req
135. Okay.
Copy !req
136. I am a fairly normal
grandma-loving customer.
Copy !req
137. Well, maybe you'd like to try
one of our other videos.
Copy !req
138. Does it have anything to do with
family members?
Copy !req
139. 'Cause that's sort of my thing.
Copy !req
140. Sure. Yeah. We got
My Sexy Ant right here.
Copy !req
141. This is an animated film about
a bug in a bikini.
Copy !req
142. He's a sexy ant.
Copy !req
143. You sir, are ridiculous.
Copy !req
144. No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
Copy !req
145. I said kitty porn,
like with kittens.
Copy !req
146. Look, Kenny,
I'm gonna need you to
Copy !req
147. unload all those boxes we got
Copy !req
148. from headquarters this morning.
Copy !req
149. Then after that, I want you
Copy !req
150. to check out the speaker
for the drive thru.
Copy !req
151. I think it shorted out again.
Copy !req
152. Hey, Dave, you wanna
come here for a second?
Copy !req
153. Yeah.
Copy !req
154. Are we really selling these?
Copy !req
155. Yeah. It's the new product.
Copy !req
156. Yeah, I know. It's just that...
Copy !req
157. this is just a stick of butter.
Copy !req
158. Yeah, it's Butter Bar.
Copy !req
159. No, I know. I saw
the commercial last night.
Copy !req
160. I just, I thought there was
gonna be more to it than this.
Copy !req
161. It's not just a stick of butter.
Copy !req
162. It comes with the easy-to-grip
butter sleeve
Copy !req
163. for when you want
the Butter Bar on the go.
Copy !req
164. No, I know.
Copy !req
165. I saw the commercial.
I just, I don't know.
Copy !req
166. I feel like there's something
morally wrong about selling
Copy !req
167. butter to people to eat.
Copy !req
168. Don't you think you're being
a little overdramatic?
Copy !req
169. No, I really don't.
Copy !req
170. People buy butter all the time.
Copy !req
171. Yeah, not to just eat by itself.
Copy !req
172. It's not our job to
police people's diets.
Copy !req
173. People do what they want to do.
Copy !req
174. I guess.
Copy !req
175. Excuse me.
Can I have a Butter Bar, please?
Copy !req
176. What?
Copy !req
177. Can I have a Butter Bar?
Copy !req
178. Kid, are you sure
you want a Butter Bar?
Copy !req
179. Is that good?
Copy !req
180. It's okay.
Copy !req
181. Look, man, I don't think we
should be selling these things.
Copy !req
182. It's not my call.
We're a franchise.
Copy !req
183. Can't we just say
that they're not selling well?
Copy !req
184. That people don't want to
eat Butter Bars
Copy !req
185. because of how
unhealthy they are.
Copy !req
186. Is this enough for one more
Butter Bar?
Copy !req
187. You want another Butter Bar?
Copy !req
188. No. Geez, kid, sorry.
Copy !req
189. You're about 20 cents short.
Copy !req
190. - Oh.
- Oh.
Copy !req
191. Oh, my heart.
Copy !req
192. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
193. I think he's having a little
heart attack.
Copy !req
194. I need to lie down.
Copy !req
195. Oh, it feels like an elephant
is standing on my chest.
Copy !req
196. Should we call somebody?
Copy !req
197. Should we get him
off the premises?
Copy !req
198. Oh, God.
Copy !req
199. I could feel my heart
pounding in my little ears.
Copy !req
200. I smell burnt toast. Oh...
Copy !req
201. Something's wrong
with that drive thru!
Copy !req
202. Oh, hell no!
What happened to him?
Copy !req
203. - He ate two of the Butter Bars.
- You feeding this kid butter?
Copy !req
204. - Well, corporate said that—
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
Copy !req
205. Y'all need to be
ashamed of yourself.
Copy !req
206. Sorry.
Copy !req
207. Go out there and fix that
damn drive thru,
Copy !req
208. and get this kid
some water and an aspirin.
Copy !req
209. Got to do
every fucking thing myself!
Copy !req
210. Next in line!
Copy !req
211. Now it's time to get rid of
the evidence.
Copy !req
212. Delete the files,
throw away the tissue,
Copy !req
213. and reset the history.
Copy !req
214. - George Washington?
- Get away from the window.
Copy !req
215. Alright, men,
I have some promotions
Copy !req
216. and demotions today.
Copy !req
217. Colonel Malaise.
Copy !req
218. You have been promoted to
General Malaise,
Copy !req
219. Private Punishment.
Copy !req
220. You have been promoted to
Corporal Punishment
Copy !req
221. Sergeant Conversation.
Copy !req
222. You have been demoted to
Private Conversation
Copy !req
223. Captain Bull Traits.
Copy !req
224. You have been promoted to
Admiral Bull Traits.
Copy !req
225. Sergeant Eyes Are Watching You,
Watching You, Watching You.
Copy !req
226. You have been demoted
Copy !req
227. to Private Eyes
Are Watching You,
Copy !req
228. Watching You, Watching You.
Copy !req
229. Lieutenant Babe,
you have been promoted
Copy !req
230. to Major Babe.
Copy !req
231. Sergeant E. Speaking.
Copy !req
232. You have been promoted to
General E. Speaking,
Copy !req
233. Lieutenant Bummer.
Copy !req
234. You have been
promoted to Major Bummer
Copy !req
235. Sergeant Of Popcorn.
Copy !req
236. You have been promoted to
Colonel Of Popcorn.
Copy !req
237. I'm sorry,
who wrote this thing?
Copy !req
238. I wrote this.
Copy !req
239. Then you Captain Lee
have been demoted
Copy !req
240. to Major Lee.
Copy !req
241. - Hey, come in. Check this out.
Copy !req
242. I got that thing.
Copy !req
243. What's going on?
Copy !req
244. You gotta see this
video I found online.
Copy !req
245. What's it called?
Copy !req
246. "This Video Makes You Gay."
Copy !req
247. Oh, what is it?
Copy !req
248. It makes you gay.
Copy !req
249. - What?
- Yeah. I don't know.
Copy !req
250. It does something with like
the brainwaves or something,
Copy !req
251. but it totally makes you gay.
Copy !req
252. Here, watch it.
Copy !req
253. Wait, did you watch it?
Copy !req
254. Yeah.
Copy !req
255. Are you gay now?
Copy !req
256. Yeah, totally. Watch it.
Copy !req
257. No.
Copy !req
258. Why not?
Copy !req
259. - 'Cause I don't wanna be gay.
- Oh!
Copy !req
260. You're so homophobic.
Copy !req
261. It's not homophobic.
Copy !req
262. That's just a pretty major
lifestyle choice,
Copy !req
263. that would happen
from just watching a video.
Copy !req
264. It's just a video.
Copy !req
265. A video that makes you gay.
Copy !req
266. Sam, what's your girlfriend
gonna think now that you're gay?
Copy !req
267. I don't give a shit
about my girlfriend.
Copy !req
268. I'm gay now.
Copy !req
269. What I need to do is
find a boyfriend.
Copy !req
270. Now watch this video.
Copy !req
271. No.
Copy !req
272. Alright, look,
Copy !req
273. just forget everything I said
about the video
Copy !req
274. and just watch it.
Copy !req
275. I hyped it up too much.
Copy !req
276. It's really funny.
Copy !req
277. No.
Copy !req
278. Alright then
watch this other video.
Copy !req
279. Sam, you just went back a page
and then forward a page.
Copy !req
280. Ugh! Why are you making
such a big deal outta this?
Copy !req
281. 'Cause I don't want to be gay.
Copy !req
282. - You are so homophobic.
- I'm not homophobic.
Copy !req
283. Then kiss me.
Copy !req
284. No.
Copy !req
285. Why not?
Copy !req
286. 'Cause I'm not gay.
Copy !req
287. You would be if you had just
watched this video!
Copy !req
288. You know what? Whatever. Fine.
Copy !req
289. I don't even think
a video can make you gay.
Copy !req
290. I'll watch your stupid video.
Copy !req
291. Yes.
Copy !req
292. Welcome to another
Samco Productions.
Copy !req
293. - Oh, you made this video.
- Shhh!
Copy !req
294. Strap yourself in
Copy !req
295. and get ready to be turned gay
Copy !req
296. in 3, 2, 1.
Copy !req
297. You are getting gay.
Copy !req
298. You're getting very, very gay.
Copy !req
299. This is the part
where it gets really gay.
Copy !req
300. It's finished. You are now gay.
Copy !req
301. I'll sell you the antidote
for five dollars.
Copy !req
302. Sam, I don't need the antidote.
Copy !req
303. It didn't turn me gay.
Copy !req
304. Yes it did. You watched
like the whole thing.
Copy !req
305. Antidote, five dollars.
Copy !req
306. That video doesn't make you gay.
Copy !req
307. Yes it does. It turned me gay.
Copy !req
308. Fine, then kiss me.
Copy !req
309. Really? I'd love to.
Copy !req
310. Then do it.
Copy !req
311. Okay.
Copy !req
312. Damn it. Can I borrow
five dollars?
Copy !req
313. Yes,
you can borrow five dollars.
Copy !req
314. Holy shit!
Copy !req