1. Now, shake it.Copy !req
2. There.Copy !req
3. After weeks and
weeks of hard work,Copy !req
4. our real-life babe magnet
is finally finished.Copy !req
5. - Oh man. In a couple of moments,Copy !req
6. this entire
room's gonna be filledCopy !req
7. to the brim with hotties!Copy !req
8. Okay, here we go!Copy !req
9. A Brazilian swimsuit model
was killed this afternoonCopy !req
10. after being
chased down Main StreetCopy !req
11. by a large unknown machineCopy !req
12. and smooshed
against a brick wall.Copy !req
13. Now that's what I callCopy !req
14. a pretty pancake.Copy !req
15. Hoo...Copy !req
16. You know, for
a model she seemed a littleCopy !req
17. flat-chested.Copy !req
18. Oh, you're bad.Copy !req
19. Ho, ho, ho, you are bad.Copy !req
20. Well, hey, I can't
blame the machine.Copy !req
21. I'd wanna crush that ass, too.Copy !req
22. Oh, probably in
her current condition, even.Copy !req
23. I would. I would.Copy !req
24. I wouldher corpse.Copy !req
25. All right. I think we've
ironed out a few of the kinksCopy !req
26. and looks like we have thisCopy !req
27. thing pretty
secure to the floor.Copy !req
28. I think we're golden.Copy !req
29. Yeah, this one's
not going anywhere.Copy !req
30. Nothing can go wrong now.Copy !req
31. All right. What
should we set it for?Copy !req
32. Hmm...Copy !req
33. Let's get some babe-a-licious
older ladies in here.Copy !req
34. Good idea.
I'll just type in "cougars"Copy !req
35. and in a couple of moments,Copy !req
36. this entire room's gonna be
filled with hundreds of cougars.Copy !req
37. Oh, no!Copy !req
38. It's gonna bring real cougars.Copy !req
39. Dude.Copy !req
40. Come on, man.Copy !req
41. Um,Copy !req
42. well,Copy !req
43. nevermind all of that. Uh, hey!Copy !req
44. Let's get some
foxy ladies in here.Copy !req
45. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
46. Let's get mad foxes in here.Copy !req
47. Alright. I'll just type in
"mad foxes."Copy !req
48. Oh, no!Copy !req
49. Dude.Copy !req
50. Who's ready to make
some booger sandwiches?Copy !req
51. - Ew gross! Ew! Ew!Copy !req
52. Well, how about some...Copy !req
53. poop popsicles?Copy !req
54. - Oh, gross!
- Oh, no!Copy !req
55. Ooh.Copy !req
56. Or maybe some, uh,Copy !req
57. slut...Copy !req
58. spaghetti?Copy !req
59. Oh!Copy !req
60. - Ew, that's like so bad!
- Ew! Ew!Copy !req
61. He's so gross!Copy !req
62. - He's so gross!
- I'm so grossed out!Copy !req
63. Who's ready to
make some vomit pudding?Copy !req
64. Ew! Ew!Copy !req
65. I'm back!Copy !req
66. He's back!Copy !req
67. Or how about spider burgers
with pubic hair?Copy !req
68. Ew! Gross!Copy !req
69. Eew!Copy !req
70. Sperm sausages!Copy !req
71. Ew! Gross!Copy !req
72. Oh, oh. Or maybe some, ah...Copy !req
73. pickled...Copy !req
74. nut sacks with...Copy !req
75. - farts! Ah!
- Ah! He's so gross!Copy !req
76. Ew! I'm going to throw up!Copy !req
77. Who's ready for some
knee-scab pizzas? Arr! Ar!Copy !req
78. Or how about some...Copy !req
79. period-blood, pus cookies?Copy !req
80. Arr!Copy !req
81. Oh, no... That's...Copy !req
82. What's wrong?Copy !req
83. Nothing.Copy !req
84. What is it?Copy !req
85. Well, you guys don't
seem grossed out anymore.Copy !req
86. No, that was really scary.Copy !req
87. Well, it's not
supposed to be scary.Copy !req
88. It's supposed to be gross.Copy !req
89. Oh, I mean,
it was gross then. Oh, god.Copy !req
90. Oh, god. Oh.Copy !req
91. That's the grossest.Copy !req
92. Well, you guys aren't
doing it like you used to.Copy !req
93. Well,Copy !req
94. it's just that—Copy !req
95. It's just what?Copy !req
96. Well, it's just that...Copy !req
97. - We already did pus cookies.
- Shh!Copy !req
98. So, pus cookies
aren't gross anymore?Copy !req
99. No, they are
gross. It's just that...Copy !req
100. people are kind of used to them.Copy !req
101. Well, what would
people not be used to?Copy !req
102. Well, people are pretty
much used to everything.Copy !req
103. Except good food.Copy !req
104. Well, I could make good food.Copy !req
105. Well, they certainly
wouldn't see that one coming.Copy !req
106. I could make the best food!Copy !req
107. Wow. That'd
probably remind all the peopleCopy !req
108. how gross
the old food used to be.Copy !req
109. I could make them...Copy !req
110. chicken Caesar salads!Copy !req
111. - Ooh!
- Ooh!Copy !req
112. Yeah!Copy !req
113. Or, or...Copy !req
114. Filet mignon!Copy !req
115. - Oh, boy!
- Oh, boy!Copy !req
116. Or, or...Copy !req
117. Shrimp scampi!Copy !req
118. Oh! Oh! Oh!Copy !req
119. - Oh, yay!
- This will be good!Copy !req
120. Uh, God?Copy !req
121. Yeah?Copy !req
122. Phone.Copy !req
123. Oh, yeah. Right here.Copy !req
124. Hello, God here.Copy !req
125. - Yeah.Copy !req
126. What?Copy !req
127. He's doing what?Copy !req
128. He's making good food?Copy !req
129. But that's...Copy !req
130. Zagat said what?Copy !req
131. Oh!Copy !req
132. It appears...Copy !req
133. that The Devil is turning hell
into a five-star restaurant.Copy !req
134. Well, two can play at that game!Copy !req
135. If he's gonna turn
hell into a nice placeCopy !req
136. where everyone
can enjoy themselves,Copy !req
137. then by God,Copy !req
138. heaven will be...Copy !req
139. And that's when God
turned heaven into a placeCopy !req
140. of torture and suffering.Copy !req
141. And hell was forever transformed
into a delicious diningCopy !req
142. experience and an awesome
underground cave world.Copy !req
143. And the good souls from Earth
went to heaven to be torturedCopy !req
144. and burned, and the sinners
ate well for all time.Copy !req
145. All rise for Psalms 93.Copy !req
146. What did I miss?Copy !req
147. She said, I wasn't
ready to be in a relationship.Copy !req
148. That I was living in the past.Copy !req
149. I was an emotional child.Copy !req
150. Do you think
you're living in the past?Copy !req
151. No.Copy !req
152. Do you think that there's
some event from your childhoodCopy !req
153. that she's referring to?Copy !req
154. I don't know.Copy !req
155. Tell me about your father.Copy !req
156. Whew.Copy !req
157. He was a complicated man.Copy !req
158. How so?Copy !req
159. He was a scientist,Copy !req
160. totally obsessed with work,Copy !req
161. always doing
experiments in the attic.Copy !req
162. Rarely had time
for me and my sister.Copy !req
163. I remember one timeCopy !req
164. he was obsessed
with miniaturizationCopy !req
165. and made this laser thatCopy !req
166. accidentally
shrunk me and my sister.Copy !req
167. We were lost in
the backyard for days.Copy !req
168. That must've been
a very confusing time for you.Copy !req
169. It was.Copy !req
170. We were almost
eaten by a scorpionCopy !req
171. 30 times bigger than us.Copy !req
172. He killed our ant.Copy !req
173. Were you and your aunt close?Copy !req
174. Yeah. I mean,
we used to ride its thoraxCopy !req
175. and I pet its feelers.Copy !req
176. We ate out of an Oreo together.Copy !req
177. Let's get back to your father.Copy !req
178. Well,Copy !req
179. years later, he blew up my
baby brother with a growth ray.Copy !req
180. He grew to be
150 times the size of a manCopy !req
181. that went on a rampage in Vegas.Copy !req
182. Wait, wait, your... your
father or your brother?Copy !req
183. My brother.Copy !req
184. I see.Copy !req
185. I'm sure you probably
saw it on the news,Copy !req
186. the giant baby
that destroyed Vegas.Copy !req
187. Yes. I vaguely remember hearing
something about that. Yes.Copy !req
188. So it sounds to me like
your father's experiments tookCopy !req
189. quite a toll on your family.Copy !req
190. Then there was the drinking.Copy !req
191. He used to beat us,Copy !req
192. yell at us.Copy !req
193. Say that we were the reasons
that his inventions failed.Copy !req
194. And when we would cry,Copy !req
195. he would blow up our heads
bigger than beach ballsCopy !req
196. so we couldn't
fit through doors.Copy !req
197. We'd be stuck in the basementCopy !req
198. and then he wouldCopy !req
199. pour bleach in our eyes.Copy !req
200. That must've
been very difficult.Copy !req
201. Sometimes when
he was drunk, he wouldCopy !req
202. blow up his penis
bigger than a sleeping bagCopy !req
203. and chase
our mother around the houseCopy !req
204. with it. It was awful.Copy !req
205. Where's your father now?Copy !req
206. Well, after
years and years of this,Copy !req
207. my mother finally snapped.Copy !req
208. One night when
he was being particularly badCopy !req
209. she used the laser against him,Copy !req
210. turning him smaller than a germ.Copy !req
211. Suppose he's dead now,Copy !req
212. but some nights,
I wake up thinkingCopy !req
213. maybe he's inside me.Copy !req
214. Maybe he's turning
my body against me,Copy !req
215. cell by cell.Copy !req
216. A cancer or virus.Copy !req
217. A virus that is my own—Copy !req
218. - Oh!Copy !req
219. Jesus!Copy !req
220. I fucking got you, you fucker!Copy !req
221. Don't do that.Copy !req
222. I can't believe
you fell for that.Copy !req
223. Haven't you even
seen those movies?Copy !req
224. What movies?Copy !req
225. You know, ah,Copy !req
226. Honey, I Blew Up Those
Little Kids, or something.Copy !req
227. I don't know. You're an idiot.Copy !req
228. You owe me 300 dollars.Copy !req
229. You believed me, you dumb shit.Copy !req
230. You're probably all
wondering why you're here.Copy !req
231. Okay, well, I think
I know why I am in here,Copy !req
232. but why do
you think I'm in here?Copy !req
233. Be quiet!Copy !req
234. It has come to my
attention that one of youCopy !req
235. is a cyborg
disguised as a human.Copy !req
236. Two of you are humans,Copy !req
237. and one of you is a ghostCopy !req
238. disguised as a human.Copy !req
239. Phew.Copy !req
240. Shh!Copy !req
241. Now, as you know,
this colony is for humans only!Copy !req
242. The imposters will be
found and put to death.Copy !req
243. Oh!Copy !req
244. Fuck this.Copy !req
245. Shit.Copy !req
246. Oh, hell no.Copy !req
247. - Mr. Peterson.
- Marla.Copy !req
248. How are you?Copy !req
249. - We need to talk.
- Is everything okay?Copy !req
250. Is something wrong with Danny?Copy !req
251. That's why I'm here.Copy !req
252. Marla, I know this sounds crazy,Copy !req
253. but you have to listen to me.Copy !req
254. I am Danny.Copy !req
255. Okay, Mr. Peterson.
I think I'm gonna call Danny.Copy !req
256. No, babe.
Listen. Last night my dadCopy !req
257. and I both touched
a magic mirror at the same timeCopy !req
258. and we switched bodies.Copy !req
259. Okay? You're
weirding me out right now.Copy !req
260. Look, remember that time thatCopy !req
261. we both got
stuck in the rainstormCopy !req
262. and I let you use my coatCopy !req
263. and it got ruined
and I threw it out?Copy !req
264. Or that time
that we skipped schoolCopy !req
265. to go see Scary Movie 4Copy !req
266. and we laughed
at all the same parts?Copy !req
267. Oh, my God.Copy !req
268. Or that time
that I took you to the mallCopy !req
269. to get that tongue piercing
you always wanted?Copy !req
270. But then
your parents freaked out.Copy !req
271. So now you only put it in—Copy !req
272. To give you blow jobs with!Copy !req
273. Danny! Oh, my god!Copy !req
274. Who's been reading my diary?Copy !req
275. What now?Copy !req
276. The lock on my diary.
It's broken.Copy !req
277. I thought boys
called those journals?Copy !req
278. Whatever! Who did it?Copy !req
279. Are you accusing me?Copy !req
280. Well, somebody did it.Copy !req
281. Marla. What's up babe?Copy !req
282. Hi.Copy !req
283. What's going on?
Something wrong?Copy !req
284. Nice try, Mr. Peterson.Copy !req
285. What?Copy !req
286. - Hey, sexy.
- Hey, babe.Copy !req
287. What the fuck is going on?Copy !req
288. Danny told me all about
how you two switched bodies.Copy !req
289. Yeah. Dad, could you give us
a little bit of privacy?Copy !req
290. Oh, my God.Copy !req
291. Look what I put in.Copy !req
292. - Oh, nice.
- Marla! That was just for us!Copy !req
293. Uh, Mr. Peterson,Copy !req
294. you're kind of
creeping me out right now.Copy !req
295. I'm sorry about that, babe.Copy !req
296. You remember how my dad was
always hitting on you and stuff.Copy !req
297. He's such a pervert.Copy !req
298. Okay, this ends now.
Dad, go! Out!Copy !req
299. All right, Dad.
I mean, I guess it is his house.Copy !req
300. Marla, did you bring your car?Copy !req
301. Maybe we could make out in that.Copy !req
302. Marla. He's lying!
Marla, he's lying!Copy !req
303. You are pathetic.Copy !req
304. You score that pot, babe?Copy !req
305. Totes.Copy !req
306. I'm telling Mom.Copy !req
307. Mom, Mom,
do you know what Dad's doing?Copy !req
308. Shh.Copy !req
309. Danny told me all about it.Copy !req
310. What?Copy !req
311. Did he leave with
that little girlfriend of his?Copy !req
312. Mom?Copy !req
313. Get over here, tiger. Rawr!Copy !req
314. Aah!Copy !req
315. Would you do it?Copy !req
316. All right, audience,
touch the left sideCopy !req
317. of your screen if
you think mother/sonCopy !req
318. dirty business is morally wrong.Copy !req
319. Or, touch the right side of
your screenCopy !req
320. if you think
he should get up in there.Copy !req
321. Cast your votes now.Copy !req
322. The votes are in...Copy !req
323. and we have an exact tie!Copy !req
324. Looks like someone didn't vote.Copy !req
325. Looks like someone didn't vote.Copy !req
326. Come on. You didn't vote!Copy !req
327. I don't need to vote, Mom.Copy !req
328. I voted.Copy !req
329. I saw you vote.Copy !req
330. Oops, I dropped the remote.Copy !req
331. Looks like someone didn't vote.Copy !req
332. There's that remote.Copy !req
333. Feel like voting yet?Copy !req
334. We go now liveCopy !req
335. to the post-game press
conferenceCopy !req
336. with the head coach Sandor
Cauldon of the Arlington BisonCopy !req
337. as he discusses the first
playoff game in the newCopy !req
338. All Gay Football League.Copy !req
339. All right, let's
get this over with.Copy !req
340. Jim.Copy !req
341. Sandor, how are you feelingCopy !req
342. after tonight's defeat?Copy !req
343. Well, I don't think
anyone's too happy about it.Copy !req
344. Fought hard,
came down to the wireCopy !req
345. and we just couldn't getCopy !req
346. that defense going
the way I know we can.Copy !req
347. I think that's
what cost us the win.Copy !req
348. If you're just joining us,Copy !req
349. you are watching
the post-game press conferenceCopy !req
350. for the first playoff game
in the Gay Football League.Copy !req
351. What are
you guys gonna doCopy !req
352. to get ready for next fall?Copy !req
353. Well, obviously
we're gonna take a break.Copy !req
354. Guys have earned some time off.Copy !req
355. Everyone on this
team has worked as hardCopy !req
356. as they could and
I thank them for that.Copy !req
357. Then in a couple weeks,Copy !req
358. we're gonna
work harder than everCopy !req
359. training for next fall.Copy !req
360. Gay football.Copy !req
361. All gay, all the time.Copy !req
362. Totally football.Copy !req
363. This question's
for QB Duncan.Copy !req
364. Duncan, what
are you gonna do nowCopy !req
365. that the season
is over for the team?Copy !req
366. Well, I guess
I'll probably spendCopy !req
367. some time with
my boyfriend.Copy !req
368. You know,
I haven't seen him in a bit.Copy !req
369. And, ah, you know,Copy !req
370. watch the tapes
from the game and tryCopy !req
371. and figure out what
went wrongCopy !req
372. and how we can do
better for next season. So...Copy !req
373. So gay, so football.Copy !req
374. Now we'll join the winning teamCopy !req
375. in their locker room
celebration.Copy !req
376. Here we go!Copy !req
377. Good game, boys.Copy !req
378. - So gay, football!Copy !req
379. The pork industry has evolvedCopy !req
380. drastically in modern America.Copy !req
381. Gone are the days of pigs
roaming free on spacious farms.Copy !req
382. Gone are the processing plants.Copy !req
383. Today's pork is bred to
bring the meat to the consumerCopy !req
384. as quickly as possible.Copy !req
385. What we are doing is
taking what nature has doneCopy !req
386. and fixing it.Copy !req
387. Through genetics
we've been able toCopy !req
388. make pigs larger,
produce more meat,Copy !req
389. be more docile and taste better.Copy !req
390. This is one of Dr. Scientist'sCopy !req
391. genetic Super Pigs.Copy !req
392. His name is 3571.Copy !req
393. From time to time
when we have a problem,Copy !req
394. we'll bring somebody
in with a bit more hands-onCopy !req
395. experience with animals.Copy !req
396. Francis, here, is a former
pig farmer.Copy !req
397. Boy right here,
he's a little sick.Copy !req
398. He's a little sick, 3571.Copy !req
399. He's a little sick. So we gonna,Copy !req
400. we gonna open him up
and see what the problem is.Copy !req
401. Pigs like 3571 have been bredCopy !req
402. to maximize production of
enjoyable breakfast materials.Copy !req
403. These genetic pigs
will bring inCopy !req
404. up to three times
the profit of natural pigs.Copy !req
405. Here. We got a little
piece of ham right there,Copy !req
406. and, uh, then we gotta,Copy !req
407. we gotta break through
his bacon cage right nowCopy !req
408. and, uh, there we go.Copy !req
409. We've gotta break
through his bacon cage.Copy !req
410. Oh, here's your problem. Ugh.Copy !req
411. He's got
something wrong with his eggs.Copy !req
412. His eggs are runny.Copy !req
413. Practices such as
this are hotly protestedCopy !req
414. by animal activists such as
these two, Coral and Sunshine.Copy !req
415. Their organization frees animals
from medical laboratories.Copy !req
416. These two have
recently liberated one ofCopy !req
417. Dr. Scientist's pigs,
cute, little 5786.Copy !req
418. We saved him from
his death sentence from thoseCopy !req
419. fascist fucking farmers.Copy !req
420. Farmers are fucking fascists.Copy !req
421. I mean, what
they don't even think about isCopy !req
422. that pigs are 10 times
smarter than dogs are.Copy !req
423. I mean, would
you treat a dog like that, man?Copy !req
424. I mean, look at him.Copy !req
425. This poor little guy's
been through so much.Copy !req
426. He just sits there
staring at the wall all day.Copy !req
427. He's depressed.Copy !req
428. Nope. They don't
mind one way or the other.Copy !req
429. See, they ain't got no brains.Copy !req
430. We figured out
the gene for brainsCopy !req
431. and, uh,
replaced it with Froot Loops.Copy !req
432. See, spoon and all.Copy !req
433. He does shit
cinnamon buns though.Copy !req
434. So that's pretty cool.Copy !req
435. Hey, do you want
a shit cinnamon bun?Copy !req
436. Their excrement looks
exactly like cinnamon rolls.Copy !req
437. Looks like.Copy !req
438. Today is a special dayCopy !req
439. because today is the dayCopy !req
440. that we liberate 5786Copy !req
441. into his natural habitat.Copy !req
442. His home.Copy !req
443. Okay, boy, you're free now.Copy !req
444. Go off with your family.Copy !req
445. I'm gonna miss you, boy.Copy !req
446. You taught me to love again.Copy !req
447. Just go. I can't watch this.Copy !req
448. Me neither.
Let's just get outta here!Copy !req
449. Holy shit!Copy !req