1. "Jackie Onassis had hidden
the Walther PPK pistolCopy !req
2. in her round hat.Copy !req
3. "As the motorcade approached the
Texas Book Depository window,Copy !req
4. "she knew this was her only chance
to finally murder her husband."Copy !req
5. This is bullshit.Copy !req
6. Bullshit?Copy !req
7. How the hell would he know?Copy !req
8. Well, for a start,
her name wasn't Jackie OnassisCopy !req
9. when she was married to Kennedy.Copy !req
10. It was Jackie Kennedy!Copy !req
11. Oh! So, he's a historian
as well as a shitty actor!Copy !req
12. OK, but did you know she was having
an affair with Onassis at the time?Copy !req
13. No, she wasn't!Copy !req
14. She didn't meet Onassis until
many years later.Copy !req
15. Come on, you got to help me
out with this guy.Copy !req
16. Clem Fandango!Copy !req
17. What do you think?
Do I need this shit?Copy !req
18. Yeah, and who told you Jackie
Kennedy assassinated her husband?Copy !req
19. Who told me? A few guys told me.Copy !req
20. A couple of guys who were there.Copy !req
21. But more importantly,
Arnold Schwarzenegger!Copy !req
22. What?!Copy !req
23. So, he was there, too, was he?Copy !req
24. No, he wasn't there, you asshole!Copy !req
25. He was married to the Kennedys!Copy !req
26. Which one? All of them?Copy !req
27. All right, you... You know what?Copy !req
28. Maybe we should crack on, guys?Copy !req
29. You know, hell of a lot
to get through.Copy !req
30. Hi, Sola, this is Clem Fandango.
Can you hear me?Copy !req
31. Yes, I can hear you, Clem Fandango.Copy !req
32. What do you...
what do you want?Copy !req
33. Nothing. I was just making
sure you can hear me.Copy !req
34. Look, do we have to use
this Toast guy?Copy !req
35. His attitude stinks,
he sounds like George Lazenby,Copy !req
36. he's not professional at all,
his delivery is terrible.Copy !req
37. And don't get me started
on his hair..Copy !req
38. What, is he saying something?
Sorry, I've lost Sola's sound.Copy !req
39. Maybe we should continue with me
just reading the book?Copy !req
40. OK, Steven, maybe...
maybe we do that.Copy !req
41. Yeah.Copy !req
42. Yeah, we've got another 95,000 words
to get through, Steven.Copy !req
43. "She thought of her
millionaire Greek loverCopy !req
44. "and of her philandering
presidential husband.Copy !req
45. "Soon she would be free of Jack
and enjoying the high lifeCopy !req
46. "on one of Onassis's luxury yachts."Copy !req
47. This is so great, Jennifyer.Copy !req
48. Can I just ask a question,
Mr Chickentoss?Copy !req
49. Call me Richard. Go ahead.Copy !req
50. Isn't this more like the kind of
thing a hospital visitor would doCopy !req
51. rather than a doctor?Copy !req
52. That is such a great question.Copy !req
53. But, occasionally, a doctor may
place a vase beside a patientCopy !req
54. to make them feel more comfortableCopy !req
55. before giving them some
terrible news.Copy !req
56. Oh, right.Copy !req
57. OK, I get it.
No, they wouldn't...Copy !req
58. OK. So, everybody,
grab your stethoscopesCopy !req
59. from beneath your chairs.Copy !req
60. David, you want to try this?Copy !req
61. Just place the stethoscope
around your neckCopy !req
62. and look concerned.Copy !req
63. Uh... Steven, we've not
seen much from you today.Copy !req
64. Would you like to try that?Copy !req
65. Yeah...Copy !req
66. Wow.Copy !req
67. That's very, very good, Steven.Copy !req
68. Have you played a doctor before?Copy !req
69. No. Uh, well, I...Copy !req
70. ..played a vet in an episode
of The Archers for Radio 4,Copy !req
71. but I think they lost the tapes.Copy !req
72. I see.Copy !req
73. Now, could you try listening?Copy !req
74. Yeah.Copy !req
75. OK, listening is very important
in doctor acting.Copy !req
76. Imagine that a patient
is telling youCopy !req
77. his or her terrible symptoms.Copy !req
78. Oh...!Copy !req
79. It's very obvious to me that
you've played doctors before.Copy !req
80. It's so obvious.Copy !req
81. I haven't.Copy !req
82. Follow that!Copy !req
83. OK, everyone, that's all for today.Copy !req
84. We'll see you tomorrow,
except for Steven.Copy !req
85. Honestly...Copy !req
86. ..I have nothing more to teach you.Copy !req
87. Good Lord.Copy !req
88. Hi, uh, Steven.Copy !req
89. I've been doing doctor acting
classes for ten years,Copy !req
90. and I have never seen anything
like what you did today.Copy !req
91. Really?Copy !req
92. I mean, that was nothing.Copy !req
93. I'm actually here in the States
because I'm playing the lead roleCopy !req
94. in the new Star Wars movie.Copy !req
95. Yeah, sureCopy !req
96. What?Copy !req
97. Are you playing Dr Spock?Copy !req
98. Doctor who?Copy !req
99. Oh, Doctor Who.Copy !req
100. I don't think anyone watches
that over here any more.Copy !req
101. Anyway, would you mind...?Copy !req
102. You know, I've been meaning
to ask you a question.Copy !req
103. You're an actor. Right.Copy !req
104. How do you cry on camera?Copy !req
105. Well, it's a good question.Copy !req
106. Mostly applies to straight actors,
and by "straight" I'm not referringCopy !req
107. to their sexual orientation.Copy !req
108. I mean serious dramatic actors.Copy !req
109. Actors who cannot do comedy.Copy !req
110. Your not funny, so how do you do it?Copy !req
111. Well...Copy !req
112. ..I just focus on a spot
in the distance,Copy !req
113. I think about snakes, monsters,
aliens - all under my bed -Copy !req
114. and when that thought gets
too much, I cry.Copy !req
115. Puta de madre!Copy !req
116. Hay un hombre ahi abajo...Copy !req
117. Some guy blocking
the entrance where?Copy !req
118. Show me.Copy !req
119. Hey!Copy !req
120. Get out of there!Copy !req
121. You're blocking the entrance
to my building!Copy !req
122. What's happening?Copy !req
123. Some homeless guy and his mattressCopy !req
124. right in front of the
doorway down there.Copy !req
125. You believe that shit?!Copy !req
126. Ugh...Copy !req
127. How about that, buddy?Copy !req
128. Ah...! You like that?Copy !req
129. Huh? Argh!Copy !req
130. Yo conozco ese hombre.Copy !req
131. Si...Copy !req
132. No es tu papa?Copy !req
133. Was that man out there your father?Copy !req
134. Yeah! So what?!Copy !req
135. Haven't seen him in 40 years,
since I was five.Copy !req
136. Did he leave home
when you were five?Copy !req
137. I left home when I was five.Copy !req
138. I had enough of those assholes.Copy !req
139. Fuck...Copy !req
140. Was that really his father?Copy !req
141. Can I just start by saying
Mark Ruffalo absolutelyCopy !req
142. loved your audition. What?Copy !req
143. He said he follows you on the
Twitter and the Instagram,Copy !req
144. which is where he noticed your tweet
announcing your donationCopy !req
145. to his Climate Solutions Project.Copy !req
146. How many people retweeted that?
Was it two million?Copy !req
147. You're getting me confused
with another actor!Copy !req
148. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
149. I'm Steven Toast.Copy !req
150. Ah, shit, so you are, yeah.Copy !req
151. I'm getting confused.Copy !req
152. It's been a busy morning.Copy !req
153. Do you know anyone in LA
with a spare room?Copy !req
154. I need to move out.Copy !req
155. Russ Nightlife is
driving me crackers.Copy !req
156. You want to move out,
you need cash, buddy.Copy !req
157. Everybody knows there's money
in playing doctors.Copy !req
158. Who knew you'd be such
a goddamn natural?Copy !req
159. You sure impressed the hell out
of Richard Chickentoss.Copy !req
160. I didn't do anything. I don't know
what all the fuss is about.Copy !req
161. Oh, we have to strike while
the iron's red hot, baby!Copy !req
162. You know a Bellender Bojangles?Copy !req
163. Belinda Bojangles?Copy !req
164. No, BELLENDER Bojangles.Copy !req
165. Unusual name.Copy !req
166. Though, we are in the US of A.Copy !req
167. She's producing a new TV show
set in a hospital,Copy !req
168. it's the latest vehicle for Carmen.Copy !req
169. You've heard of Carmen, right? No.Copy !req
170. The audition is tomorrow.Copy !req
171. I'm going to call Bellender now.Copy !req
172. Brooke! That car!Copy !req
173. Bell.Copy !req
174. Sure.Copy !req
175. Steven! Hi!Copy !req
176. My name's Hoop Kaaak -Copy !req
177. that's Kaaak with three As -
director of the show.Copy !req
178. Bellender's a little late,
but, you know, that's all right.Copy !req
179. We can get to know each other
a little bit. Steven!Copy !req
180. I'm Bellender Bojangles.
I'm sorry I'm late.Copy !req
181. Brooke has told me all about you.Copy !req
182. I am so excited to meet you.Copy !req
183. This is so super exciting.Copy !req
184. Bellender, I love your shoes.Copy !req
185. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
186. They're the latest thing.Copy !req
187. They're based on the horseshoes,
which are actually nailedCopy !req
188. on to your foot,
so they're a perfect fit.Copy !req
189. It's only very minor surgery, so...Copy !req
190. Mm, they're great.Copy !req
191. Hugs all round.Copy !req
192. Oh!Copy !req
193. What do we like here, Hoop?
Hugs and smiles!Copy !req
194. And what do we do here, Hoop?Copy !req
195. We love entertaining people
and we love making TV shows.Copy !req
196. Do you want in, Steven?Copy !req
197. Uh... I'm good, thanks.Copy !req
198. I hear you just completed
the doctor acting classCopy !req
199. with Rich Chickentoss.Copy !req
200. How'd that go for you?Copy !req
201. We heard you kicked ass.Copy !req
202. I didn't really do anything.Copy !req
203. You are being humble, Steven.
We don't do humble in this town.Copy !req
204. Well, actually, the real reason
why I am in this townCopy !req
205. is cos I'm starring in
the new Star Wars movie.Copy !req
206. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
207. Sorry?Copy !req
208. Would you like to have a read
of some of the script?Copy !req
209. I'll find us some hard copies.Copy !req
210. Uh, let me just stop you there,
Hoop, if you don't mind.Copy !req
211. Steven, would you be OK with
improvising a little?Copy !req
212. What?Copy !req
213. I was thinking, you could just say
some general doctor things.Copy !req
214. You know, anything you like.Copy !req
215. As long as they're doctor related.Copy !req
216. Uh...Copy !req
217. One more thing, Mrs Wisehunt.Copy !req
218. Now, I've just seen your X-rays,Copy !req
219. and you have six months to live.Copy !req
220. Something else.Copy !req
221. Are you unwell, Captain?Copy !req
222. Oh, that's very good.Copy !req
223. Really?Copy !req
224. This is amazing. Keep going.Copy !req
225. You try any more shit like that,
Mrs Greenflash,Copy !req
226. and I'll have to take
your temperature.Copy !req
227. Oh...!Copy !req
228. Mother, you've got gout.Copy !req
229. Probably due to the amount of whisky
and cigars you consume!Copy !req
230. That's so good.Copy !req
231. Thank you.Copy !req
232. May I ask, to be this good,
I'm presuming you've workedCopy !req
233. as an actual doctor, right?Copy !req
234. No.Copy !req
235. I once played a vet on an episode
of The Archers on Radio 4,Copy !req
236. but I think they lost the tapes.Copy !req
237. It is uncanny.Copy !req
238. I loved how you worked out that not
only that your mother had gout,Copy !req
239. but also how she got it.Copy !req
240. Genius. Well, thank you.Copy !req
241. You know, my own doctor was
just fired for having sexCopy !req
242. with his colleague's twin sisters.Copy !req
243. Really?Copy !req
244. Some guys have all the luck.Copy !req
245. I'm sorry.Copy !req
246. Yes...Copy !req
247. Gina, would you tell everybody
coming in later to auditionCopy !req
248. for the Doctor Grainger part
not to bother?Copy !req
249. Ooh, that's good.Copy !req
250. I'm presuming you're new to LA,
Steven? Where are you staying?Copy !req
251. I'm staying with a friend.
Well, he's not really a friend.Copy !req
252. If I'm honest,
I'm desperate to get out.Copy !req
253. Well, I think you may be in luck.Copy !req
254. I have a great place here
in Beverly Hills,Copy !req
255. but I recently moved out
to Santa Monica.Copy !req
256. Why don't you stay in my
Beverly Hills apartment?Copy !req
257. Really?Copy !req
258. It's a fantastic penthouse.Copy !req
259. Here, I'll give you the key now.Copy !req
260. Thank you.Copy !req
261. You can stay there as long as
you want, rent-free obviously.Copy !req
262. It's having a multi-million-dollar
refurb at the moment.Copy !req
263. But as soon as that's completed,
it's all yours, Steven.Copy !req
264. Should only be a couple of weeks.Copy !req
265. Sounds splendid.Copy !req
266. Welcome aboard, Steven!Copy !req
267. My God, you are going to have such
fantastic chemistry with Carmen.Copy !req
268. She's in such a great place
right now.Copy !req
269. Remarried for the fifth time to
Rodrigos, who we all love dearly.Copy !req
270. You guys are going to be
great together.Copy !req
271. I'm so super excited to start!Copy !req
272. Hot damn!Copy !req
273. Thrust?Copy !req
274. Steven.Copy !req
275. You're here?Copy !req
276. I've been here for three hours.Copy !req
277. Ah, shoot! No-one told you?Copy !req
278. No.Copy !req
279. Oh. Sorry, Steven.Copy !req
280. You see, Carmen is always
three hours late.Copy !req
281. So, if we say nine o'clock,
we know she'll turn up at 12:00.Copy !req
282. I'm so sorry,
someone should have told you.Copy !req
283. Hayley.Copy !req
284. Why did you forget to tell Mr Toast
not to turn up till 12:00?Copy !req
285. Erm...Copy !req
286. I don't think I was...Copy !req
287. OK, Hayley.Copy !req
288. Now I look like a douchebag
in front of our actor.Copy !req
289. So one of us has to leave
the company.Copy !req
290. Jesus, that's harsh.Copy !req
291. My apologies, Steven.Copy !req
292. That obviously won't happen again.Copy !req
293. Come on, boys!Copy !req
294. Come closer.Copy !req
295. You know what turns me on!Copy !req
296. ♪ So, take your time
Take it slowlyCopy !req
297. ♪ Drink some wine
It is lovelyCopy !req
298. ♪ Let's make love
Nice and sexyCopy !req
299. ♪ Let's make sex
Nice and naughtyCopy !req
300. ♪ Fuck these bitchesCopy !req
301. ♪ Fuck 'em in the ass
on my private jet... ♪Copy !req
302. What?
# You're economy classCopy !req
303. ♪ Suck my titties
I'll smoke your grass... ♪Copy !req
304. Jesus.Copy !req
305. ♪ Losing your mind when
you're eating this ass... ♪Copy !req
306. Good God!Copy !req
307. ♪ When you're eating this ass!Copy !req
308. ♪ Eating this ass. ♪Copy !req
309. Hello, everybody! Hola!Copy !req
310. Hello!Copy !req
311. Mwah, mwah, mwah!Copy !req
312. So, Hoop, you want to tell everyone
a little bit about the show?Copy !req
313. Yes. I'm Hoop Kaaak -Copy !req
314. that's Kaaak with three As -
the director of our show.Copy !req
315. It's called The Hospital,Copy !req
316. and it's about a hospital in
New York for sick children,Copy !req
317. which is run by a very conscientious
doctor, called Doctor Grainger,Copy !req
318. who will be played by Steven...Copy !req
319. Steven, uh...?Copy !req
320. Toast. Toast.Copy !req
321. The hospital has no money,
so the owners are forced to sellCopy !req
322. to a glamorous, rich entrepreneur,
called Trace Willoughby,Copy !req
323. who is also a super bitch,Copy !req
324. played by the extraordinary Carmen,Copy !req
325. who, quite frankly, is no stranger
to playing super bitches!Copy !req
326. I am a super bitch!Copy !req
327. Boo! Boo!Copy !req
328. You love it. You love it!Copy !req
329. You want it!Copy !req
330. Boo!Copy !req
331. Trace immediately plans
to knock down the hospitalCopy !req
332. due to its value as prime
real estate.Copy !req
333. But can Doctor Grainger stop her
and save the sick children?Copy !req
334. Ooh!Copy !req
335. OK, let's start.Copy !req
336. Scene one. Interior hospital. Day.Copy !req
337. Splendid.Copy !req
338. Well, I don't see why we can't
get in touch with your motherCopy !req
339. and she'll pick you up
and home you go.Copy !req
340. Would you like that?Copy !req
341. Excellent.Copy !req
342. Doctor Grainger.Copy !req
343. You have until next Tuesday to
get rid of these sick childrenCopy !req
344. and find somewhere else to live.Copy !req
345. You won't get away with this,
Trace Willoughby.Copy !req
346. I'll fight you every step of
the way, you heartless witch.Copy !req
347. And I know how your husband died.Copy !req
348. Ha! Conrad died of natural causes!Copy !req
349. How can an axe to the back of the
head be described as natural causes?Copy !req
350. I have one thing to say to you,
Doctor Grainger.Copy !req
351. What?Copy !req
352. ♪ Fuck these bitchesCopy !req
353. ♪ Fuck 'em in the ass
on my private jetCopy !req
354. ♪ You're economy classCopy !req
355. ♪ Suck my titties
I smoke your grassCopy !req
356. ♪ You'll be losing your mind
when you're eating this ass... ♪Copy !req
357. Why does she have to sing a song
in every bloody episode?Copy !req
358. It's supposed to be a serious drama.Copy !req
359. Cos she's a singer, not an actress.Copy !req
360. She's not even Brazilian.Copy !req
361. She's Irish.Copy !req
362. Well, then, why not hire
a non-singing actress?Copy !req
363. Like every other hospital show.Copy !req
364. Wait here, Toast.Copy !req
365. I got to get my painkillers
out of the trunk.Copy !req
366. Right.Copy !req
367. Oh...!Copy !req
368. Ooh...! Hey, man.Copy !req
369. I don't have any money and...Copy !req
370. ..my mother will be back soon.Copy !req
371. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
372. Ha! He talks real funny.Copy !req
373. Is he from the olden times?Copy !req
374. Ew!Copy !req
375. Look at all these creepy photos!Copy !req
376. See you around, brother.Copy !req
377. Must have left them on
the gas station counter.Copy !req
378. Goddamn it!Copy !req
379. So, first show goes out tonight.Copy !req
380. You excited?Copy !req
381. Yeah.Copy !req
382. Ah, give it a couple of weeks,
people start kissing your assCopy !req
383. when you they see you,
you'll know it's a hit!Copy !req
384. ♪ Ray... ♪Copy !req
385. Good grief. Surely not.Copy !req
386. ♪ Ray... ♪Copy !req
387. Oh...!Copy !req
388. ♪ Ah! ♪Copy !req
389. Hey, Carmen.Copy !req
390. What about those sick kids?Copy !req
391. You're one shitty lady.Copy !req
392. I don't care what
you assholes think.Copy !req
393. Why don't you go fuck yourselves?Copy !req
394. Such language!Copy !req
395. Not to mention,
those poor sick children.Copy !req
396. Who cares? I can get a billion
dollars for that old building.Copy !req
397. How do you like that,
you weasel-faced witch?Copy !req
398. But we all love you,
Doctor Grainger.Copy !req
399. You're my favourite
on the show.Copy !req
400. I'm not really Doctor Grainger.Copy !req
401. It's a part.
Play along, Toast.Copy !req
402. They love it.Copy !req
403. Hey, you two! Oh, yes!Copy !req
404. Mwah!Copy !req
405. Mm!Copy !req
406. Oh, God, I love hugging people!Copy !req
407. Yes, you do.Copy !req
408. So, the show is a huge success.Copy !req
409. Are you two getting great feedback?Copy !req
410. Everyone loves a super bitch!Copy !req
411. And I hear they love you,
too, Steven.Copy !req
412. Well, it's not me, is it?
It's the character.Copy !req
413. I've been wondering something,
Steven, what is the whole storyCopy !req
414. behind the, uh...
you know, the white?Copy !req
415. I fell out of a tree,Copy !req
416. like the Olympic swimmer,
Duncan Goodhew.Copy !req
417. OK, listen to this.Copy !req
418. I got a letter from a couple who
really love the show, uber fans,Copy !req
419. but not only is the guy's mother a
crazy super-duper fan of the show...Copy !req
420. ..but especially of you,
Steven Toast.Copy !req
421. Really?Copy !req
422. Oh, I got to get this.Copy !req
423. It's Rodrigos.Copy !req
424. They have a small request.Copy !req
425. Would you go and visit his mother
in hospital?Copy !req
426. She has not been well lately.Copy !req
427. Are you serious? Doctor Grainger
in an actual hospital?Copy !req
428. It'll be great publicity
for the show.Copy !req
429. Rodrigos is gay!Copy !req
430. I'm sorry?Copy !req
431. Rodrigos is gay!Copy !req
432. He just told me!Copy !req
433. I am distraught!Copy !req
434. I can't live with him any more!Copy !req
435. Can I stay in your Beverly Hills
place, please?Copy !req
436. Of course.Copy !req
437. No...Copy !req
438. Steven, have you got the key
to my apartment in Beverly Hills?Copy !req
439. You haven't moved in yet, have you?Copy !req
440. Well, I was planning on
moving in today.Copy !req
441. I packed all my belongings
this morning.Copy !req
442. Is the key in your apartment?Copy !req
443. I think Carmen needs the place
a bit more than you.Copy !req
444. I mean, look at her.Copy !req
445. He's gay!Copy !req
446. We need that key. Oh...!Copy !req
447. He has a boyfriend called Carlos!Copy !req
448. They've been fucking for six months!Copy !req
449. Toast!Copy !req
450. Your stuff is still here.
I thought you were moving out!Copy !req
451. Who the hell are these two?!Copy !req
452. You can't bring people here!Copy !req
453. No-one should know where I am!Copy !req
454. Yeah, this is Carmen,
the pop legend.Copy !req
455. How can you not know it's me?!Copy !req
456. And this is Bell...
I'm Bellender Bojangles.Copy !req
457. I like to hug people
when I meet them.Copy !req
458. No, no, no. Oh, come on.Copy !req
459. No, no, no.Copy !req
460. No, no, no, he doesn't like
close personal contact.Copy !req
461. I say, Russ, you've trodden
on her scarf.Copy !req
462. Let me help with that.Copy !req
463. Whoa!Copy !req
464. Shit!Copy !req
465. Oh!Copy !req
466. Oh. That's lucky.Copy !req
467. He landed on a soiled mattress.Copy !req
468. Who is that old homeless man?Copy !req
469. I don't believe it. My boy!Copy !req
470. Not now, Dad. Just get off!Copy !req
471. That's his father.Copy !req
472. Get off!Copy !req
473. Don't hug him! He doesn't like
close personal contact!Copy !req
474. Hey, Ma?Copy !req
475. This here's Steven Toast.Copy !req
476. You remember,
you wrote him a letter?Copy !req
477. She's a lot older than I expected.Copy !req
478. She's 93.Copy !req
479. She's been in and out of hospital
constantly for the past, like,Copy !req
480. what, 25 years.
She fell down her steps last week.Copy !req
481. Now she's completely fucked.
Look at her.Copy !req
482. We've had to visit her a lot.Copy !req
483. I mean a lot. Way too much.Copy !req
484. We're from New York, so it's
a flight over here to see her.Copy !req
485. It's a pain in the ass
is what it is.Copy !req
486. Yeah, but I imagine she can't help
being ill.Copy !req
487. Oh, yeah, right. OK, Steven!Copy !req
488. Anyways, no point in hanging around.Copy !req
489. The knob is there.Copy !req
490. All you got to do is turn it to
the right, and it'll all be over.Copy !req
491. What?!Copy !req
492. It was her last request.
What was?Copy !req
493. For you to turn off her
life-support machine!Copy !req
494. It was her dying wish!Copy !req
495. Hey, look, time's tight here, honey.
We got a plane to catch back home,Copy !req
496. for the dogs,
you know what I'm saying?Copy !req
497. Hang on. What do the doctors
think of this?Copy !req
498. Oh...!Copy !req
499. My mother hates the doctors, OK?Copy !req
500. She could give two shits
what they think.Copy !req
501. She didn't want a doctor doing it.Copy !req
502. She asked for you.Copy !req
503. She loves that show you're in!Copy !req
504. Don't do it...Copy !req
505. She just said something. No...Copy !req
506. I heard nothing. You hear
something? I heard nothing.Copy !req
507. No, nothing.Copy !req
508. This is some dark shit.Copy !req
509. I shouldn't even be here.
What...?Copy !req
510. Steven! Steven, where you going?!Copy !req
511. You come back here!Copy !req
512. Yeah, sure, it's odd,
but the main thing is,Copy !req
513. the show is a big success.Copy !req
514. Yes, it is.Copy !req
515. Maybe I should ask Bellender
for a pay rise.Copy !req
516. Well, they signed you up
for two seasons,Copy !req
517. we agreed the same fee for both.Copy !req
518. You want more dollars,
she'll have to change the contract.Copy !req
519. Yeah, I can be pretty persuasive
when I try.Copy !req
520. Let me have a word with her.Copy !req
521. Why are you dressed like a clown?Copy !req
522. I'm celebrating. I'm a star now.Copy !req
523. You said yourself,
people love my character.Copy !req
524. Yes, of course they do, Steven!Copy !req
525. It's no secret that Carmen gets paid
a hell of a lot more than I do,Copy !req
526. and she's staying in
your fancy mansion.Copy !req
527. I'm sorry, the contract
is legally binding,Copy !req
528. and there's not a thing
I can do about it.Copy !req
529. Bloody irritating.Copy !req
530. Come on. Give me a hug.Copy !req
531. No, no, I'm not going to fall
for that hug bullshit.Copy !req
532. Come on.Copy !req
533. Oh, you big bear of a man.Copy !req
534. The show is a success.Copy !req
535. What more could you want?Copy !req
536. Oh. There is another issue
I'd like to talk about.Copy !req
537. What issue?Copy !req
538. There is a chance...
you may be arrested for murder.Copy !req
539. What?!Copy !req
540. That family who contacted you,Copy !req
541. did you turn off their mother's
life-support machine?Copy !req
542. No, I bloody did not!Copy !req
543. Well, she's dead now, so somebody
did, without a doctor present,Copy !req
544. which kind of makes it
a criminal matter.Copy !req
545. The family did it, they couldn't
wait to get rid of her.Copy !req
546. They say you did it.Copy !req
547. No, they asked me to do it.Copy !req
548. Poor old girl hadn't even
seen the show.Copy !req
549. If you were charged with murder,
it would reflect badly on the show.Copy !req
550. Not necessarily.Copy !req
551. The LAPD are looking into it.Copy !req
552. They say that there is footage
of you fleeing the building.Copy !req
553. Yeah, I was trying to
get away from them.Copy !req
554. I wouldn't mind, Steven.Copy !req
555. But you're Doctor Grainger.Copy !req
556. You're supposed to be the good guy.Copy !req
557. I am the good guy.Copy !req
558. Would you stop looking dubious?Copy !req
559. Anyway, you can't fire me,
I'm contracted for a second series.Copy !req
560. And as you said yourself,
it's legally binding.Copy !req
561. Carmen!Copy !req
562. You're three hours late, Steven.Copy !req
563. Yeah, but I thought...Copy !req
564. Since Rodrigos has left,
now I am always on time.Copy !req
565. OK, we've waited long enough.
Let's start.Copy !req
566. Scene one. Interior hospital. Night.Copy !req
567. We see Trace Willoughby alone
in the ward. It is late.Copy !req
568. Doctor Grainger enters.Copy !req
569. You wanted to see me, Mrs
Willoughby? If it's about...Copy !req
570. Trace Willoughby stabs
Doctor Grainger with a knife.Copy !req
571. He falls in a cowardly manner
to the floor.Copy !req
572. He lies there motionless,Copy !req
573. like a piece of shit.Copy !req
574. He's dead.Copy !req
575. Very dead.Copy !req
576. What?Copy !req
577. Scene two.Copy !req
578. Trace is with her attractive
younger lover, Jim Buckstar,Copy !req
579. played by Sonny-Sam Disco.Copy !req
580. Thank God that dog-faced
limey weaselCopy !req
581. is finally out of the
picture, darling.Copy !req
582. Here's to us, baby.Copy !req
583. I have big plans for making
millions of dollarsCopy !req
584. by selling the hospital!Copy !req
585. I know you do.Copy !req
586. It's part of a long-term plan
for world domination.Copy !req
587. Can you imagine, the whole
Trace Willoughby phenomenonCopy !req
588. bigger than we've ever dreamed of.Copy !req
589. I think I'd like an apartment
in Paris...Copy !req