1. - UNH!
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2. - HI. I'M THE MAYOR,
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3. AND MY DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN
FOR YOUUUUU!
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4. - MY NAME IS TOM PETERS,
AND I'M FULL OF IDEAS.
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5. - HI. HOW ARE YOU?
- HA HA!
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6. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
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7. - UH, HEY, HON.
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8. I'M TRYING TO GET THE BOYS
READY FOR SCHOOL, BUT I THINK
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9. THEY'RE PRETTY SICK.
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10. - GAHHH... I LOVE MY
EGGS AND SAUSAGE LINKS.
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11. - UMMM, THE THING IS,
THEY'RE NOT MOVING.
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12. UH, THEY'RE JUST KINDA
MOANING IN THERE.
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13. UH, MAYBE IT WOULDN'T BE THE
WORST IDEA IN THE WORLD TO
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14. CALL A DOCTOR.
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15. - HOW DARE YOU TELL ME HOW
TO RAISE MY F—ING KIDS!
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16. THEY CAME OUT OF MY!
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17. - DAA. AHH, IT'S
TOM... UH... PETERS.
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18. ANYONE THE HECK HOME?
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19. - MAYOR'S OFFICE!
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20. - HELLO?
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21. - HEY, TOM. COME ON UP.
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22. - MAYOR'S OFFICE!
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23. - OH,
IT'S, UH, TOM PETERS.
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24. - HEY, TOM. I JUST ORDERED
A COUPLE BRISKETS.
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25. CARE FOR A PIPE SMOKE?
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26. - OH, ME? NO.
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27. I'M ALLERGIC TO,
UH, TOBACCO SMOKE.
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28. WELL, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE UP
YOUR WHOLE DAY, BUT OUR FAMILY
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29. JUST DID HAVE SOME BAD NEWS.
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30. ALL THREE OF MY STEPSONS
HAVE HAD HEART ATTACKS.
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31. SO I THOUGHT IT MIGHT NOT BE
A HALF BAD IDEA TO, YOU KNOW,
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32. START A HEALTH CAMP FOR BOYS.
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33. - GREAT TOM.
NOW TRY MY FATTY LOIN.
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34. - NOT TO BE MY DEVIL'S
ADVOCATE HERE, BUT THAT'S
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35. EXACTLY THE KIND OF FOOD WE'RE
ARE TRYING TO STRAY AWAY FROM.
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36. - OH. MM-HMM.
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37. - YOU KNOW, WE'LL HAVE MORE
HEALTH-BASED FOODS, UH,
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38. YOU KNOW, OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES
LIKE CANOEING AND AEROBICS,
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39. YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE A GOOD
OLD-FASHIONED BOYS CAMP.
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40. - YEAH! WE CAN EVEN GET
PIPE'S BUFFET INVOLVED.
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41. - OH, OK.
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42. - YOU KNOW, THEY'VE BEEN
BUGGING ME ABOUT GETTING INTO
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43. SOME OUTREACH
PROGRAMS FOR CHILDREN.
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44. - OH,
I GUESS IT WOULD DEPEND.
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45. HONESTLY, IT DOESN'T SEEM
LIKE THE GREATEST IDEA
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46. IN THE WORLD.
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47. I GUESS I CAN SEE YOUR POINT.
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48. WE DON'T WANT THOSE
KIDS SMOKING PIPES.
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49. ACTUALLY, I'M STARTING
TO, UH, LOVE THIS IDEA.
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50. - ON BEHALF OF PIPE'S BUFFET,
I WOULD LIKE TO PRESENT
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51. TOM PETERS WITH THIS ENORMOUS
CHECK TO BEGIN FUNDING YOUR
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52. HEALTH CAMP FOR BOYS.
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53. - NO PIPES, RIGHT?
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54. - FURTHERMORE, WE PLEDGE THAT
THERE WILL BE ABSOLUTELY NO
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55. PIPE SMOKING OF ANY KIND
IN REGARDS TO THE CHILDREN.
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56. - HEY, GREAT.
LARGE CHECK.
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57. - PIPE CAMP?
SON OF A GUMBLE!
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58. - HEY, TOM!
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59. - OH, HEY, MAYOR.
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60. UH... NEAT SCOOTER.
IS IT NEW?
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61. - HOLD A SEC, TAMMIE!
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62. THANKS, TOM.
IT'S FROM PIPE'S BUFFET.
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63. WOW, LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
ITS GREAT.
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64. - WHAT'S WITH ALL THE PIPES?
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65. - PROBABLY JUST
FOR DESIGN, TOM.
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66. - HEY, WHAT ARE THEY GIVING
TO THOSE KIDS OVER THERE?
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67. THAT'S IT.
I'M CALLING THE AUTHORITIES.
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68. - OH LOOK, THERE'S BARB!
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69. - OH,
SHE'S, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
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70. - TOM,
I WANT YOU TO MEET
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71. BARB DUNDERBARN
FROM PIPE'S BUFFET.
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72. SHE'S GOING TO BE OUR
HEAD CAMP COUNSELOR.
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73. - OH. NICE TO MEET YOU.
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74. THIS, UH, HEALTH CAMP
FOR BOYS... WAS MY IDEA!
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75. - OH,
TOM, I AM SO IMPRESSED.
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76. AND YOU ARE DELICIOUS.
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77. MAYOR, WHERE DID YOU FIND HIM?
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78. OH, STOP.
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79. I'VE BEEN REALLY LOOKING
FORWARD TO WORKING WITH YOU TO
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80. GET THOSE BOYS IN SHAPE.
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81. - I TOOK A LOOK AT THIS
SCHEDULE OF EVENTS YOU WROTE
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82. UP, AND I HAVE A FEW MINOR
TWEAKS WE'RE GOING TO
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83. HAVE TO MAKE.
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84. IS THAT OK, SWEETIE?
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85. - OH, OK. IN TERMS OF...?
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86. - MAYBE WE CAN TALK ABOUT
IT TONIGHT OVER SOME SORT OF...
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87. I DON'T KNOW...
ROMANTIC CANDLELIGHT DINNER?
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88. - ROMANTIC?
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89. OK, WELL, UH, TO BE HONEST
WITH YOU, THE THING IS...
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90. - WELL, THEN IT'S A DATE,
YOU YUMMY MAN.
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91. - OK, BOYS, TIME TO
GET IN SHAPE, SO LET'S DO
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92. SOME AEROBICS!
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93. HANDS UP!
LIFT THEM UP!
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94. LIFT THEM UP!
AND 2, 3, 4, 5!
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95. 2, 3, 4, 5!
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96. C'MON, EVERYBODY,
WHAT'S WRONG?
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97. C'MON, JAKE, LET'S DO IT.
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98. C'MON! UP, UP, UP, UP!
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99. C'MON, MOVE THOSE HIPS.
LET'S DO IT.
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100. WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU GUYS?
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101. OH, WHAT A BUNCH
OF POTATO SACKS.
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102. - HEY, TOM.
THERE YOU ARE.
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103. - HEY, MAYOR.
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104. LISTEN, I GOT ALL
MY VEGGIES HERE.
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105. WHERE SHOULD I LAY 'EM?
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106. - OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
BARB CUT MOST OF YOUR MENU.
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107. LOOK WHAT WE HAVE HERE TODAY.
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108. WE HAVE A LITTLE BEEF BRISKET,
SOME FATTY GOAT SHOULDER,
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109. STUFFED PORK HOCKS,
AND SOME BUTTERCREAM
BIRD LEGS.
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110. - MAYOR, THIS IS
A HEALTH CAMP.
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111. THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
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112. I'VE GOTTA CALL SOMEBODY.
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113. - OH TOM, BARB WANTED ME
TO GIVE YOU THESE.
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114. - OH, SUNGLASSES!
COOL!
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115. - I THINK SHE LIKES YOU.
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116. - MAYOR, I'M A MARRIED MAN.
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117. - TOM WE'RE AT PIPE CAMP.
LIVE A LITTLE.
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118. - YOU LOOK VERY
PRETTY TONIGHT.
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119. - NO!
- YOU MAKE ME BLUSH, TOM.
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120. YOU DON'T MIND IF I PIPE UP
A LITTLE, TOM, DO YOU?
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121. - NO, GO AHEAD.
DON'T MIND ME.
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122. - I JUST NOTICED YOUR HAIR!
OH, MY GOD, I'M IN LOVE.
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123. LET ME TOUCH IT.
CAN I TOUCH IT, TOM?
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124. OH, LORDY, I JUST ROWR!
I LOVE IT.
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125. IT MAKES ME FEEL
ALL LIKE NIPPLEY.
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126. - OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
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127. IT'S, UH, JUST A MAN'S SPIKE.
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128. WHAT I DO IS CREATE A
SEMI-CIRCLE OF THE MOUSSE
IN MY HAND—
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129. - SHHH, TOM.
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130. I KNOW YOU'RE A LITTLE
SKEPTICAL ABOUT SOME OF OUR
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131. NEW PROGRAMS HERE.
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132. - NO. I'M JUST NOT 100%
SURE THAT KIDS SHOULD BE
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133. MESSING AROUND WITH PIPES.
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134. - TOM, WE HAVE TO
LOOK PAST THE FACT
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135. THAT THEY'RE CHILDREN.
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136. WE HAVE TO LOOK AT IT FROM THE
PIPE'S BUFFET POINT OF VIEW.
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137. TOM, DID YOU KNOW THAT THE
AVERAGE AGE OF A PIPE'S BUFFET
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138. CUSTOMER IS 73 YEARS OLD?
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139. - WOW. WHAT A STAT.
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140. - SEE THOSE KIDS
OUT THERE, TOM?
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141. THEY'RE OUR FUTURE.
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142. - FOLKS, AMERICA AIN'T
GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
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143. SO WHY DON'T YOU LEND A
HAND AND TEACH YOUR YOUNG-UNS
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144. ABOUT WHAT MATTERS MOST?
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145. YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING
MORE PATRIOTIC THAN THE SAVORY
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146. FLAVORS OF GRANDMA'S
HOME-COOKED FATTY MEATS.
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147. AND, OF COURSE, THAT OLD
FAMILIAR SMELL OF GRANDPA'S
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148. TABACCY PIPE.
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149. MMMM! SMELLS LIKE
AMERICA TO ME.
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150. - BROUGHT TO YOU BY YOUR
FRIENDS AT PIPES BUFFET.
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151. - OH, NO.
HOW DID THAT GET IN THERE?
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152. - AH!
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153. - NOW,
LET'S TALK ABOUT US.
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154. COME OVER HERE AND GET
YOUR GRAVY POT BOTTOM.
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155. - WAIT, BARB. THIS IS ALL
HAPPENING VERY FAST.
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156. I NEED TIME TO PROCESS
SOME OF MY FEELINGS HERE.
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157. - OK,
TOM, BUT DON'T THINK TOO HARD.
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158. - AAH!
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159. WONDER WHERE ALL THE KIDS ARE.
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160. AHHH!
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161. OH, BARB.
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162. OH.
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163. MMM.
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164. OH, HI, FRIEND.
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165. I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.
I'M PRETTY BUSY.
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166. YES, FRIEND, I KNOW.
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167. WELL, OF COURSE I LOVE
MY WIFE, FRIEND.
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168. WAIT A MINUTE. WOULD YOU
JUST GET OUT OF HERE?
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169. GO ON, GET.
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170. WHAT THE HECK?
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171. PIPE SMOKE!
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172. - WHAT THE HARRY?
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173. - OH, BARB, HOW COULD YOU?
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174. - VERY GOOD, MIKEY.
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175. IT'S IMPORTANT TO GET A GOOD
BURN GOING, SO DON'T BE AFRAID
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176. TO HOLD THE FLAME OVER
THE TOBACCO FOR... UM,
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177. A GOOD MINUTE.
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178. GREAT PIPEMANSHIP, ANTHONY.
GOOD BOY.
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179. NOW, I WANT EVERYONE TO THINK
ABOUT WHAT KIND OF ROASTED
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180. MEAT WOULD COMPLEMENT
YOUR TOBACCO BLEND.
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181. - I HATE THIS CAMP.
I WANNA GO HOOOOME!
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182. - RED BOTTOMS.
- SAUSAGE LINKS.
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183. - NOOOOO!
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184. - WHAT'S HAPPENING?
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185. - SKYLER RESIDENCE.
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186. - WHO IS IT, JAN?
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187. - I AM TRYING TO
FIGURE THAT OUT.
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188. NOW, WOULD YOU JUST
GO BACK TO SLEEP?
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189. - SKYLER RESIDENCE.
WHO AM I SPEAKING WITH?
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190. - IT'S TOM PETERS.
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191. I NEED TO REPORT A
CRIME AGAINST CHILDREN.
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192. - WELL, WE'RE NOT
IN OUR OFFICE RIGHT NOW,
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193. BUT WE'LL BE
THERE IN A FEW HOURS.
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194. - BUT IT'S PIPE CAMP.
THEY'RE, UH... THEY'RE, UH...
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195. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING, TOM?
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196. - UH, NOTHING.
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197. I WAS JUST CHECKING MY
VOICEMAIL MESSAGES—
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198. - TOMMY, I KNOW
YOU SAW US BACK THERE.
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199. I KNOW YOU KNOW.
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200. LET'S GO BACK TO MY CABIN
AND YOU CAN
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201. TELL ME WHAT A BIG
BAD GIRL I'VE BEEN.
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202. AND YOU CAN GIVE ME ONE OF
YOUR FAMOUS RED BOTTOMS.
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203. - OH, BOY.
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204. ATTENTION!
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205. THIS IS A RAID.
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206. STAY IN YOUR CABINS.
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207. YOU ARE IN BREACH
OF SECTION 8,
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208. DISTRIBUTING TOBACCO
TO MINORS.
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209. - SORRY, SPANKY!
I'LL E-MAIL YOU!
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210. - TOM! LET'S
GET OUT OF HERE!
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211. - WAIT! WAIT!
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212. TOO MUCH TOBACCO
AND... SEXUALITY.
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213. - SON, SHUT YOUR MOUTH
AND STAND DOWN.
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214. - WHAT?
- JUST GET ME ONE CLEAN SHOT.
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215. - NO,
YOU GOT THE WRONG MAN!
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216. IT WAS BARB DUNDERBARN
AND THE MAYOR.
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217. - WE'VE GOT A LIVE ONE.
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218. - NOOOO!
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219. NOOO!
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220. MAY I... MAY I COME IN?
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221. - COME ON IN.
WHAT'S THAT BEEPING?
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222. - OH,
IT'S MY TRACKING BOOT.
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223. I'M ON HOUSE ARREST.
I'M PRACTICALLY OUT OF RANGE.
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224. I WISH WE COULD HAVE MET A
LITTLE CLOSER TO MY HOUSE.
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225. - WELL,
I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU
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226. THESE SYMPATHY FLOWERS FOR
GETTING YOU WRAPPED UP IN THAT
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227. WHOLE PIPE CAMP FIASCO.
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228. - OH, THANKS.
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229. IT WAS JUST
ANOTHER EXPERIENCE.
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230. - THANKS TO ALL OF THE
PUBLICITY SURROUNDING
YOUR TRIAL,
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231. PIPE'S HAS
INSTALLED THIS WONDERFUL
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232. DUMBWAITER HERE.
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233. NO MORE STAIR CLIMBING
FOR MY BRISKETS.
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234. COME OVER HERE.
TAKE A LOOK.
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235. - WELL,
I REALLY SHOULDN'T.
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236. GETTING PRETTY CLOSE
TO BEING OUT OF RANGE.
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237. - COME ON, TOM, HAVE A
BITE OF MY BRISKET.
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238. HAVE SOME OF MY LOIN...
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239. - WELL, IT DOES SMELL
PARTICULARLY GOOD.
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240. LET ME JUST CHECK
MY CHART HERE.
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241. - TOM,
ITS REAL MOIST AND BRAISED.
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242. LIP-SMACKING GOOD, TOM.
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243. UHH...
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244. HMM, NEVER HEARD IT
DO THAT BEFORE.
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245. YOU KNOW, I WONDER IF—
NHH UHH NH!
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246. HUH! NH NYA AH UH UH AH!
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247. NYA!
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248. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
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249. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
—www.ncicap.org—
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