Tom Goes to the Mayor 1x12

Directed by

Scott Chernoff as Dr. Victor Peppar (voice) • Mark Womack as Brandon (voice)

After getting his family jailed for not being registered in Jefferton, Tom, Joy, and the boys must perform the rebirth ritual to get Tom's next project running.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - HI. I'M THE MAYOR.

2. MY DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN FOR YOU!

3. - MY NAME IS TOM PETERS,

4. AND I'M FULL OF IDEAS!

5. - COMMUNITY SPIRIT!

6. - HOW ARE YOU? - HA HA!

7. - SHOPPING!

8. FOOD!

9. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

10. - OKEY-DOKE.

11. WELL, THE PROPOSED NAME FOR NOW IS...

12. TOM PETERS CONSULTING.

13. UH, WE HAD 450,000 BUSINESS CARDS PRINTED,

14. SO WE'RE KIND OF LOCKED IN ON THAT.

15. - OK, MR. PETERS.

16. EVERYTHING LOOKS TO BE IN ORDER.

17. - OH! TERRIFIC NEWS.

18. UH, YOU KNOW, RIGHT NOW, WE'RE OPERATING OUT OF

19. A STORAGE FACILITY.

20. BUT, YOU KNOW, ONCE THE CAPITAL STARTS COMING IN,

21. I'M SURE WE'LL MOVE INTO AN OFFICE OF SOME KIND.

22. - MR. PETERS, UH...

23. SORRY TO INTERRUPT,

24. BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU FORGOT TO

25. COMPLETE THE FAMILY REGISTRATION FORM HERE.

26. - WELL, I PURPOSEFULLY DIDN'T CHECK THAT BOX

27. 'CAUSE I WASN'T POSITIVELY SURE

28. WHAT MY FAMILY HAD TO DO WITH MY BUSINESS.

29. - WELL, UH...

30. JEFFERTON REQUIRES ALL NEW BUSINESS OWNERS

31. TO REGISTER THEIR FAMILIES.

32. IT'S PART OF THE MAYOR'S FAMILY FRIENDLY ACT OF 2001.

33. - ACTUALLY, IT'S REALLY HELPED OUT.

34. AHEM. JEFFERTON'S BEEN PUT ON THE TOP 50 PLACES

35. TO RAISE A FAMILY.

36. - PEOPLE LOVE IT HERE!

37. - WELL, IT'S THE FIRST I'M HEARING ABOUT IT.

38. BUT, UH...

39. I'LL BE HAPPY TO JUMP ON THAT BOAT.

40. - WELL, IT'S A FAIRLY SIMPLE AUTOMATED PROCEDURE.

41. JUST TAKE THIS FORM DOWN TO THE DEPARTMENT OF FAMILIES,

42. AND YOU SHOULD BE GOOD TO GO.

43. - NOW SERVING L-27751829388—

44. - HI. I'M THE MAYOR.

45. WELCOME TO THE DEPARTMENT OF FAMILIES.

46. LET'S GET YOU STARTED.

47. PLEASE ENTER YOUR 23 DIGIT FAMILY CODE

48. FOLLOWED BY THE 11 DIGIT CONFIRMATION PIN.

49. - AH, LET ME SEE HERE.

50. - YOUR WAIT TIME IS APPROXIMATELY 3 HOURS.

51. YOU MUST HAVE 7 FORMS OF PHOTO I.D.

52. - OK, I CAN'T FIND THAT NUMBER YOU ENTERED.

53. PLEASE MAKE SURE THE NUMBER IS CORRECT AND TRY AGAIN.

54. OR SIMPLY SPEAK YOUR NAME NOW.

55. - TOM PETERS.

56. - THANK YOU, TOM.

57. I'M SEEING THAT YOU HAVE STEPCHILDREN

58. LIVING IN YOUR SHANTY.

59. YOUR FAMILY STATUS HAS BEEN UPGRADED TO

60. ILLEGAL!

61. WE WILL BE HOLDING YOUR WIFE AND STEPCHILDREN

62. IN A FAMILY HOLDING CELL

63. UNTIL YOUR WIFE AND BASTARDS

64. ARE LEGITIMATE.

65. - OH, CRACKETS!

66. - WOW, TOM!

67. I LOVE WHAT YOU DID TO THE OFFICE.

68. I SEE YOU HAVE PENS, PAPER,

69. A TINY PINK STAPLER,

70. PLENTY OF BRAINSTORMING ROOM.

71. - OH, I'M SORRY.

72. LET ME GET THE LIGHTS.

73. - SO, WHEN DO YOU OPEN?

74. - WELL, IT'S SORT OF UP IN THE AIR RIGHT NOW.

75. I'VE BEEN HAVING A BUGGER OF A TIME

76. GETTING MY BUSINESS LICENSE. - RIGHT.

77. - 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I CAN'T GET MY FAMILY REGISTERED.

78. - MM-HMM. - AND I CAN'T REGISTER MY FAMILY

79. BECAUSE THEY'RE CONSIDERED ILLEGAL.

80. - OH, YEAH.

81. - SO, I DON'T KNOW.

82. YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I REALLY LOVE MY STEPFAMILY,

83. BUT THIS BUSINESS IS...

84. IT'S MY LAST CHANCE.

85. YUCCH. TALK ABOUT A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE.

86. - DARN IT, TOM.

87. - AW, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

88. IT'S MY CROSS TO BEAR.

89. - WAIT A SEC.

90. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE THE PEPPAR 3-STEP PROGRAM.

91. - PEPPAR? UH...

92. - AH, TOM, YOU GOTTA GET INTO THIS.

93. YOU KNOW, IT'S THE EASIEST WAY TO GET YOUR FAMILY REGISTERED.

94. PLUS, YOU'LL EXPERIENCE SOME INTENSE FAMILY BONDING

95. IN THE PROCESS.

96. OK, LET ME SEE HERE...

97. MORTGAGES, BRAILLE THRU LEARNING,

98. JAZZ DANCE FOR CHILDREN.

99. OH, HERE WE GO— LEGALIZING YOUR FAMILY.

100. - HI! I'M DR. VICTOR PEPPAR!

101. ARE YOU A SINGLE MAN LIVING WITH 3 OR MORE FOSTER CHILDREN

102. WHO LEGALLY RESIDE ABROAD?

103. OR ARE YOU A MARRIED MAN LIVING WITH STEPCHILDREN

104. FROM YOUR WIFE'S PREVIOUS MARRIAGE?

105. IF YOU HAVE ANSWERED YES TO ANY OF THESE CHALLENGING QUESTIONS,

106. THEN THE VICTOR PEPPAR INSTITUTE

107. HAS DESIGNED THIS 3-STEP PROGRAM JUST FOR YOU.

108. - GOOD NEWS, TOM.

109. LUCKILY I'M A CERTIFIED CAPTAIN IN THE PEPPAR 3-STEP PROGRAM

110. AND WOULD BE HAPPY TO HOLD YOUR HAND

111. THROUGH THE PROCESS.

112. - OH, TERRIFIC.

113. - LEGALIZING YOUR FAMILY.

114. - STEP ONE!

115. - OK, LET'S PUT THIS ON YOU.

116. - ALL RIGHT, IT'S A LITTLE TIGHT.

117. - THIS WON'T HURT ONE BIT.

118. YOU ALL RIGHT, BUDDY?

119. - IT'S A LITTLE TIGHT ON MY EYES.

120. - I JUST ATTACH THESE RIGHT TO YOUR NIPPLES.

121. - OW! OK.

122. - SORRY.

123. OK, TOM, LEVEL ONE IS A VIRTUAL HUG ZONE.

124. GO FOR IT, TOM!

125. - ALL RIGHT, I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO HERE.

126. AAH!

127. - JUST USE YOUR HANDS.

128. HUG YOUR CHILDREN.

129. SHOW THEM THAT YOU LOVE THEM.

130. - OK. GOOD!

131. - MANIFEST YOUR HATE INTO HUGGING.

132. COME ON, TOM!

133. THEY MAY NOT BE YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD,

134. BUT THEY ARE YOUR CHILDREN.

135. - GREAT WORK, BUDDY.

136. UH-OH! CAREFUL!

137. - OH, IS THAT JOY?

138. - THERE SHE IS, TOM.

139. CONFRONT HER. SHOW HER YOUR LOVE.

140. - HI, HONEY!

141. - HUG THE MOTHER OF YOUR STEPCHILDREN.

142. - OW! OW! - YES, VERY GOOD!

143. - COME ON, HONEY, JUST LET ME...

144. LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG HERE

145. SO WE CAN PASS THIS LEVEL.

146. WE'RE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS, BUB.

147. I LOVE YOU, HON.

148. - OK, GREAT. HERE COMES LEVEL 2.

149. TRUST BUILDING.

150. SEE HOW MANY GOLD COINS YOU CAN GET IN 30 SECONDS.

151. GO, TOM!

152. - OK, I DON'T REALLY SEE

153. WHAT THIS HAS TO DO WITH BUILDING TRUST.

154. AAH! - NO, NO, TOM!

155. DON'T TOUCH THE STRAWBERRIES.

156. STINGING! STINGING!

157. OW!

158. - TOM, YOU BETTER TAKE THAT THING OFF.

159. - LEGALIZING YOUR FAMILY.

160. - STEP TWO!

161. - DID YOU KNOW YOUR STEPCHILDREN

162. OR YOUR ADOPTED CHILDREN SHOULDN'T FEEL LIKE STRANGERS

163. IN YOUR OWN HOME?

164. WHY CAN'T YOU DO US ALL A FAVOR

165. AND RE-BIRTH THEM!

166. ASSIGN THEM A NAME YOU CHOOSE,

167. AND THEY'LL FEEL MORE LIKE THEY CAME FROM YOUR SEED AND WOMB—

168. NOT LIKE SOME FILTHY STRAY ANIMAL OFF THE STREETS.

169. FIRST OFF, THE FATHER MUST BE COMPLETELY SHAVED

170. SO HE CAN EXPERIENCE THE RENEWAL WITH HIS NEW CHILDREN.

171. NEXT, CREATE A WOMB

172. USING A COMMON GUTTER TUBE WRAPPED IN A BLANKET

173. AND SOFA PILLOWS.

174. A STANDARD CHILDREN'S SWIMMING POOL

175. MAKES FOR A PERFECT UTERUS.

176. NOW, HAVE YOUR STEPSON OR DAUGHTER

177. GLIDE THROUGH THE ARTIFICIAL TUBE,

178. WHICH CLEARLY SIMULATES THE NATURAL BIRTHING PROCESS.

179. ALL THAT'S LEFT IS TO CHOOSE A NAME

180. THAT EVERYONE CAN AGREE UPON.

181. - SEE? SIMPLE AS THAT.

182. - OH, WOW.

183. UH...

184. I'D HAVE TO GO OVER THIS WITH MY FAMILY.

185. - WHOA!

186. ONE STEP AT A TIME, BIG GUY.

187. LET'S GET YOU SHAVED DOWN.

188. - HEY, GANG.

189. I NEED TO HAVE A FAMILY MEETING.

190. - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?

191. - UH, I HAD TO GET IT SHAVED

192. FOR THE REBIRTHING PROCESS.

193. - WHAT?

194. HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA LET US ROT IN HERE?

195. - OH, DARN PHONE. HOLD—

196. CAN YOU HOLD ON A SEC?

197. - YOU AND YOUR STUPID BUSINESS!

198. - THAT'S BETTER.

199. LISTEN, ONE STEP AT A TIME, JOY.

200. OK, I HAVE A 24-HOUR PASS FOR YOU AND THE BOYS

201. TO GET THEM PREPPED FOR THE REBIRTHING.

202. - REBIRTHING?

203. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,

204. YOU BALD FOOL!

205. - BOYS, BOYS, DON'T BE AFRAID.

206. OK, EVERYBODY PUT YOUR COATS ON,

207. AND LET'S FILE OUT.

208. WE GOT JOY RIGHT ABOVE THE— THE, UH, TUBE.

209. YOU CAN SEE HER THERE.

210. SHE WAS A REAL GOOD SPORT ABOUT IT.

211. - SHE LOOKS COMFORTABLE.

212. - YEAH, WE HAD— WE ACTUALLY HAD

213. A LITTLE BIT OF FUN SETTING IT UP.

214. - THERE YOU— THERE YOU GO!

215. WHO'S THAT, MATTHEW? - YEAH.

216. THAT'S MATT.

217. HE...

218. HE HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE GETTING INTO THE TUBE.

219. HE'S GOTTEN A LITTLE HUSKY THIS YEAR.

220. UM, AND WE ACTUALLY CAN SEE HOW HE GOT CAUGHT THERE.

221. - OH, HE LOOKS A LITTLE THICK AROUND THE HIPS THERE, TOM.

222. - YEAH. OH, THERE'S MATT COMING OUT THE END THERE.

223. - SO, WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM?

224. - UH, WE—WE ALL CHOSE BRENDON.

225. - MM-HMM. - A CELTIC NAME.

226. - RIGHT. - AND HIS BROTHERS ARE...

227. - SURE. - BRANDON.

228. - OK, WONDERFUL. - AND BRINDON.

229. - RIGHT, FINE. ABSOLUTELY.

230. - HE WANTED THE CONNECTION TO THEM.

231. - TERRIFIC, TOM.

232. - SO, THAT'S THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT.

233. I JUST REBIRTHED MY FAMILY

234. LIKE DR. VICTOR PEPPAR SAID I SHOULD.

235. WOW. OK.

236. I'M NOT SURE WHAT I JUST SAW THERE,

237. AND I...

238. I'VE NEVER HEARD OF ANY DR. PEPPARS.

239. - ALTHOUGH I HAVE HEARD THAT THERE WERE SOME

240. COMPUTER PROBLEMS AT THE DEPARTMENT OF FAMILIES LAST WEEK.

241. - WHICH WE APOLOGIZE FOR.

242. - I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO.

243. BECAUSE OF ALL THE RIGAMAROLE YOU'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH HERE,

244. I'LL JUST GO AHEAD AND STAMP THIS APPROVED.

245. AND YOU CAN TAKE IT OVER

246. AND PUT IT IN THE DEPARTMENT OF FAMILIES' DROP BOX.

247. - IT'S JUST THAT EASY!

248. - TOM, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

249. - I'M... I'M JUST GONNA...

250. YOU KNOW, DROP THIS OFF.

251. - WAIT, YOU'RE NOT DROPPING OUT

252. OF THE 3-STEP PROGRAM, ARE YOU?

253. - WELL, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE HERE.

254. THEY SAID...

255. I'M GOOD TO GO, SO...

256. I GOTTA GO GET MY FAMILY OUT OF THE CELL AND...

257. - TOM, TOM, TOM.

258. I'M REALLY NERVOUS ABOUT THIS.

259. YOU KNOW, I'VE HEARD A LOT OF STORIES

260. ABOUT PEOPLE BAILING RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE

261. OF THE 3-STEP PROGRAM.

262. A LOT OF SUICIDES, BUDDY. - OH.

263. - I HATE TO SEE THAT HAPPEN TO YOU.

264. - OH, SHOOT. THAT'S NO GOOD.

265. HMM.

266. OH, WELL,

267. I GUESS ONE MORE STEP, HOW BAD COULD THAT BE?

268. - GREAT, COME BY MY OFFICE TOMORROW,

269. AND WE'LL GO OVER THE SCRIPT.

270. - LEGALIZING YOUR FAMILY.

271. - STEP 3!

272. - SO, YOU WALK IN WITH THE PIZZA,

273. BECAUSE YOU'RE A PIZZA DELIVERY BOY.

274. YOU TURN TO JOY—SHE'S SPRAWLED OUT ON THE COUCH.

275. SHE'S A LITTLE HESITANT AT FIRST,

276. BUT THAT'S WHERE THE TENSION LIES.

277. LOOK UP HERE.

278. I STORY-BOARDED THIS WHOLE SCENE OUT.

279. - UH, I HATE TO BE A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES,

280. BUT, UH...

281. ARE WE TALKING ABOUT A PORNOGRAPHIC VIDEO

282. WITH ME AND MY WIFE?

283. - TOM, IT'LL BE TASTEFUL, I PROMISE.

284. YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME ON THIS.

285. - GEE, I JUST DON'T REMEMBER DR. PEPPAR

286. SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.

287. - WELL, ME AND DR. PEPPAR DON'T EXACTLY AGREE ON EVERYTHING.

288. I TEND TO INTERPRET SOME OF HIS STEPS

289. A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY.

290. - UM, YOU SEE, I... I DON'T THINK SO.

291. - TOM, SUICIDE.

292. OK.

293. UH, PIZZA MAN.

294. EXTRA SAUSAGE.

295. - TOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

296. - DELIVERING THE PIZZA.

297. - UGH!

298. GET OFF ME!

299. - THAT'S GOOD!

300. MMM!

301. THAT'S THAT!

302. - RIGHT THERE!

303. - OH, GOD!

304. - AAH! FEELS SO GOOD!

305. - HEY, TOM.

306. HOW'S THE BUSINESS COMING?

307. - AH, NOT SO HOT.

308. HONESTLY, I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE

309. KIND OF GOT THE WRONG IMPRESSION

310. AFTER UM...

311. THE "PORKIN' WITH THE PETERS" DVD THAT YOU MADE CAME OUT.

312. - WELL...

313. IN THAT CASE, YOU WOULDN'T MIND IF I STORE

314. A COUPLE HUNDRED OF THESE DVDs IN THERE, DO YOU?

315. - YEAH. UH...

316. LET ME JUST GET MY SLEEPING BAG AND BUSINESS CARDS OUT OF THERE.

317. OH, HELLO.

318. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

319. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—

320. - BULL'S EYE!

321. - YEAH!