Tom Goes to the Mayor 1x7

Directed by

Michael Ian Black as Dr. Ian Black (voice) • Bob Odenkirk as Bradley (voice) • Doug Lussenhop as Man in a Tuba Suit (voice)

Tom creates a plan to turn sewage into electricity, then has a car accident.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - HI. I'M THE MAYOR, AND MY DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN FOR YOU!

2. - MY NAME IS TOM PETERS, AND I'M FULL OF IDEAS.

3. - COMMUNITY SPIRIT!

4. - HOW ARE YOU? HA HA!

5. - SHOPPING!

6. FOOD!

7. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

8. - YOU'RE UP, TOM. DON'T LET US DOWN.

9. - AH, WELL, UM, YOU SEE— LET'S SEE HERE.

10. DR. IAN BLACK WAS...

11. HE LIVED HIS LIFE, AH, TO ITS FULLEST,

12. AS FAR AS I KNOW.

13. UH, SO, UM, WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT GOOD OLD DR. IAN BLACK?

14. OK, UH, WELL, I, YOU KNOW,

15. REALLY DIDN'T KNOW HIM THAT WELL.

16. - MY MICHAEL. OH, MY MICHAEL.

17. - YOU MAY BE ASKING YOURSELF, "HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?"

18. HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED TO ME?

19. SO, UM, WHAT HAPPENS IS, THE RAW SEWAGE IS PROCESSED

20. USING A TURBINE SYSTEM I INVENTED,

21. WHICH CREATES AN ELECTRICAL CHARGE

22. THAT WE CAN, YOU KNOW, POWER THE ENTIRE TOWN WITH.

23. AND NOW I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU A WEB MOVIE

24. THAT WILL DEMONSTRATE EXACTLY HOW THIS PROCESS WILL WORK.

25. ALL RIGHT, GET THIS GOING HERE.

26. TERRIFIC.

27. HI. I'M TOM PETERS.

28. BUT YOU CAN CALL ME POOP,

29. BECAUSE I CAN CREATE ELECTRICITY FOR YOUR TOWN

30. WITHOUT COSTING YOU A NICKEL.

31. IT'S SO EASY, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO EVEN BELIEVE IT,

32. AND HERE IS HOW IT WORKS...

33. - FUNPUTER'S BATTERIES ARE RUNNING LOW.

34. - AH, SHIRT.

35. - FUNPUTER WILL SHUT DOWN IN 3 SECONDS.

36. BYE-BYE. SO LONG, LITTLE BOY.

37. - AH, SORRY. UH, THIS IS ACTUALLY MY SON'S FUNPUTER.

38. JOY'S USING THE LAPTOP FOR SOME WORK-RELATED PROJECTS.

39. - AH, GOD.

40. - YOU'RE A LOT BIGGER THAN YOUR PROFILE SAID YOU WERE.

41. - OH.

42. - MR. PETERS, DESPITE YOUR TECHNICAL PROBLEMS,

43. WE ARE VERY EXCITED BY THIS, UH, PROPOSAL.

44. - YOU KNOW,

45. THIS IDEA COULD ACTUALLY MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.

46. - UH, I AGREE.

47. WE'D LIKE TO GET STARTED ON THIS, UHH...

48. - BAH, BAH, BAH, BAH, BOP.

49. IF I COULD POUNCE IN HERE.

50. NOT TO BE A STICKY TUESDAY ABOUT THIS,

51. BUT DON'T YOU THINK WE'LL NEED

52. SOME INDEPENDENT THIRD PARTY VERIFICATION?

53. - WELL, I SUPPOSE THAT'S NOT THE WORST IDEA.

54. UHHH...

55. MR. PETERS, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DRUM UP

56. A FEW LETTERS OF SUPPORT?

57. - WELL, YOU KNOW, I CAN GO AHEAD AND LOOK INTO IT.

58. - TERRIFIC! I CAN'T WAIT!

59. - COME ON, TOM.

60. STORM IT UP, BUDDY.

61. GIVE ME A "B" STORM.

62. - AH, I THINK I WOULD BE ABLE TO THINK CLEARER WITHOUT,

63. YOU KNOW, YOUR BRAINSTORMING CAP ON.

64. - MIND THE CAP, TOM.

65. - IT'S JUST, I DON'T—

66. I DON'T HAVE THE ACCESS TO ANY OF THESE EXPERTS.

67. I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START.

68. - TOM, LET ME SEE THAT CAP.

69. - AHH! I GOT IT!

70. WE BOOK YOU AND THAT ENERGY PLAN ON "THAT'S AMAZING!"

71. - OH, I'VE HEARD OF THAT.

72. THAT'S, UH, THAT'S THE SHOW MY STEPSON REALLY LOVES.

73. - OH, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THIS SHOW.

74. YOU SEE, THEY HAVE KITTEN JUGGLERS,

75. EXOTIC PIE TASTERS, YOU KNOW,

76. PEOPLE WITH DIFFERENT OR STRANGE HAIRCUTS.

77. YOU AND YOUR "THAT'S AMAZING!" ENERGY PLAN

78. WILL BE ON NATIONAL TV,

79. AND THAT WAY PEOPLE WILL HAVE TO BELIEVE IT.

80. - AHH. I'M JUST NOT SURE I GET THAT.

81. - TOM, I'LL BOOK YOU THIS AFTERNOON.

82. BUT RIGHT NOW I GOTTA PREPARE FOR MY NEXT APPOINTMENT.

83. I'M MEETING WITH A MAN WHO'S APPARENTLY SOME SORT OF

84. THIRD PARTY VERIFICATION EXPERT.

85. - OH. HA HA HA!

86. MAYBE HE CAN VERIFY THE ENERGY PLAN.

87. - WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

88. - WELL, YOU KNOW, I MEAN,

89. YOU KNOW, HE SOUNDS LIKE THIS MIGHT BE THE GUY THAT—

90. - WELL, YOU WERE LAUGHING, AND I'M JUST NOT SURE WHY.

91. WAS IT A JOKE, OR...

92. - NO, HA HA! I DON'T—I'M SORRY, I—

93. I DIDN'T MEAN TO—AHH.

94. YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST LAUGHING AT THE COINCIDENCE OF IT ALL,

95. I GUESS.

96. EXCUSE ME.

97. DR. IAN BLACK IS HERE.

98. - SEND HIM IN, PLEASE.

99. - OK, LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE HERE.

100. MAYOR?

101. - MICHAEL?

102. - MICHAEL, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN, OLD FRIEND?

103. - TOO LONG, YOU SASSY DEVIL.

104. - YOU CRAB APPLE.

105. - YOU DELICIOUS HORSESHOE CRAB.

106. - OHHH, I'D GRAB YOU WITH MY CLAWS IF I HAD ANY.

107. - I'D PINCH YOU SO HARD.

108. - AHHH! AHHHHH!

109. - WHO'S THIS GUY?

110. - OH, SHOOT, THAT'S TORN, TASH,

111. TENNIS, TENS, TANGO, CASH, TAEE...

112. - HE LOOKS LIKE A STEVEN TO ME!

113. - HA HA HA! STEVEN! HA HA HA HA HA HA!

114. - HA HA HA HA! STEVEN. HA HA HA HA HA!

115. - HELLO, STEVEN.

116. - HELLO, STEVEN!

117. - IT'S ACTUALLY TOM PETERS. IT'S GOOD TO MEET YOU.

118. - SO, MICHAEL, THEY TELL ME YOU'RE A DOCTOR OF ENERGY NOW?

119. - YEAH. IT'S A GREAT GIG.

120. AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE

121. THE COMPANY CAR THEY JUST GAVE ME.

122. - NOT A LeBARON.

123. - A LeBARON.

124. - UHH. SO,

125. WHERE'S THIS ENERGY PLAN YOU WANT ME TO LOOK AT?

126. - OH, IF I COULD CHIME IN HERE.

127. MAYBE IT WOULD BE HELPFUL

128. IF I COULD DRIVE YOU AROUND TOWN

129. AND—AND SHOW YOU WHERE I ENVISION US LAYING THE PIPES.

130. - OK, GUYS, UM, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

131. UH, IF YOU—WHAT YOU WANNA DO IS LOOK OUT TO YOUR RIGHT THERE,

132. AND YOU SEE THAT GULLY.

133. THAT'S WHERE WE WOULD LAY MOST OF THE PIPES.

134. WHOA, THERE SHE GOES. WE JUST MISSED IT.

135. - JUST TELL ME WHERE THE NEXT TURN IS, STEVEN.

136. - OK, YOU SEE, I CAN'T REALLY HEAR YOU WITH,

137. WITH THE MUSIC.

138. JUST...

139. - COME ON, STEVEN, KEEP UP.

140. - IF I COULD JUST PULL AHEAD OF YOU GUYS.

141. IT WOULD BE A LITTLE EASIER SHOWING YOU AROUND.

142. - SWEET TWEETERS, HUH? UH, UH, UH, UH, UH, UH!

143. - OK, GIVE ME A SEC.

144. I GOTTA CROSS-REFERENCE THIS MAP HERE.

145. AHH... WHAT HAPPENED?

146. - OHHH, I'M STEAMING OVER HERE.

147. I'M JUST REALLY STEAMING ABOUT THIS.

148. - OHHH, I'M SO SORRY.

149. I—I DIDN'T SEE YOU BACK UP.

150. I... I... YOUR CAR LOOKS ALL RIGHT.

151. HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY CAR?

152. OH. OK.

153. - BYE-BYE, TOM.

154. WE'VE GOTTA TAKE MICHAEL TO THE HOSPITAL.

155. YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

156. - HEY, IT'S BRADLEY FROM "THAT'S AMAZING!"

157. JOIN ME THIS SUNDAY WHEN WE SEE 6 BLIND JUGGLERS.

158. HUH? WHAT? WHAT?

159. A MAN IN A TUBA SUIT...

160. AND LOCAL TOM PETERS BRINGS US HIS WACKY NEW ENERGY PLAN!

161. - HEY, TOM.

162. I GOT REALLY BAD NEWS. MICHAEL PASSED AWAY.

163. - DR. IAN BLACK?

164. - AND IT LOOKS LIKE THE FAMILY

165. WANTS TO PRESS CHARGES AGAINST YOU.

166. - PRESS CHARGES?

167. - YEAH. VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER,

168. FIRST DEGREE.

169. THIS IS REAL SERIOUS, TOM.

170. - OHHH.

171. - STAY RIGHT HERE.

172. I GOT TO GO SEE HOW THEY'RE DOING.

173. - WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

174. - JOY, I'VE BEEN IN A CAR ACCIDENT.

175. - WELL, DID YOU PICK UP MY CD-Rs YET?

176. AHHH...

177. - THE CAR'S TOTALED. I BROKE MY NOSE.

178. AND I THINK I MAY HAVE KILLED A MAN.

179. - YOU SELFISH PRICK.

180. THIS ISN'T A GOOD TIME FOR YOU TO GET HURT, TOM!

181. I NEED YOU TO TAKE JARRED TO KARATE

182. AND REINSULATE THE CRAWLSPACE.

183. - TOM, I TALKED TO THE FAMILY,

184. AND THEY'RE WILLING TO MAKE A DEAL.

185. IF YOU PERFORM THE EULOGY AT POOR MICHAEL'S FUNERAL,

186. THEY'RE WILLING TO DROP THE CHARGES.

187. - AH, CRICKETS. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO—

188. - TOM, IT'S UP TO YOU NOW.

189. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOU BEHIND BARS.

190. - OH, FOR THE LOVE OF TENNIS.

191. OK, DR. IAN BLACK WAS A HECK OF A DOCTOR.

192. OH, THIS ISN'T SO HARD.

193. I ASSUME HE WAS A MAN WHO...

194. - FUNPUTER DOES NOT RECOGNIZE THE WORD "WHO."

195. DID YOU MEAN HORSEY?

196. - NO! THAT DARN FUNPUTER!

197. AHH, WISH I HAD MY STINKING LAPTOP.

198. - AHHH... OHHH...

199. - SO, I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE,

200. BUT I GUESS I JUST TAKE MY...

201. - SORRY, MY LITTLE FRIEND.

202. FUNPUTER IS RUNNING LOW ON DISK SPACE.

203. PLEASE SELECT A FILE TO DELETE...

204. SELECT A FILE TO DELETE NOW.

205. - AW, COME ON.

206. - YOU KNOW, THIS IDEA COULD ACTUALLY CHANGE THE WORLD.

207. - THEY'LL DROP THE CHARGES IF YOU PERFORM THE EULOGY.

208. - TOM PETERS' WACKY ENERGY PLAN!

209. - FIRST DEGREE VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER.

210. - AHHH, ALL RIGHT.

211. - WAH HA HA! SO LONG, MY SWEET, TINY CHILD.

212. - ALL THAT WORK DOWN THE TUBES.

213. - YOU MONSTER!

214. - TOM, YOU'RE LOSING THEM! PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP!

215. - OH, I JUST FEEL LIKE I CAME INTO THE MAYOR'S OFFICE,

216. AND I HAD THIS IDEA FOR A—

217. FOR AN ENERGY PLAN AND WAS DRIVING OUT,

218. TRYING TO DO MY BEST AND...

219. AND NOW MICHAEL'S DEAD,

220. AND MY ENERGY PLAN IS IN THE TRASH.

221. - MICHAEL, MICHAEL, MICHAEL.

222. - I DIDN'T MEAN FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN.

223. I REALLY FEEL SO BAD.

224. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY HERE.

225. I JUST... WISH IT WOULD ALL GO AWAY.

226. - HELLO, STEVEN. HA HA HA HA HA!

227. - AHHH! GHOST!

228. - HA HA HA! IT'S TOM!

229. - AH! WHAT'S HAPPENING?

230. - YOU WERE SUCH A GREAT SPORT TO PLAY ALONG.

231. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

232. I THINK YOU'D ALL AGREE THAT THIS WONDERFUL PRANK WAS...

233. - THAT'S AMAZING!

234. - SEE, TOM? YOU GOT YOUR WISH!

235. YOU'RE ON TV!

236. - WE SURE PULLED A STEVEN ON THAT GUY.

237. - YOU WERE SO GREAT, MICHAEL.

238. - SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE STINKER.

239. - YOU OL' BAG OF KETTLE CORN.

240. - YOU MINIVAN.

241. - AH, GOOD ONE, GUYS.

242. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

243. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

244. —www.ncicap.org—

245. - BULL'S-EYE! - YEAH!