1. - HI. I'M THE MAYOR,
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2. AND MY DOOR
IS ALWAYS OPEN FOR YOU!
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3. - MY NAME IS TOM PETERS,
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4. AND I'M FULL OF IDEAS!
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5. - COMMUNITY SPIRIT!
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6. - HOW ARE YOU?
- HA HA!
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7. - SHOPPING!
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8. FOOD!
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9. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
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10. - HI THERE. UH, TOM PETERS.
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11. UH, WE'RE HERE...
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12. - HERE STANDS TOM PETERS
AWAITING COUNSEL FROM THE MAYOR.
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13. TOM IS A SMALL, FEMININE
LOOKING MAN NOT USED TO SUCCESS.
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14. - TODD, JUST... LET'S TAKE
A TWO ON THAT.
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15. MORE ABOUT ME
BEING AN ENTREPRENEUR.
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16. - HEY, NO FILMING IN CITY
OFFICES WITHOUT A PERMIT, GUYS.
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17. - IT'S—IT'S OK.
I'M A FILMMAKER.
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18. - HE'S MY WIFE'S EX-HUSBAND.
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19. HE'S, YOU KNOW,
THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN.
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20. - OK, BULL'S-EYE. HERE WE GO.
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21. - AAH! OW, OW, OW, OW!
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22. - MAYOR'S OFFICE.
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23. IT'S TOM PETERS.
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24. - HELLO, TOM.
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
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25. JUST TRYING TO PICK A NEW NAME
FOR THE BRIDGE WE'RE BUILDING.
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26. - OH. NOT A PROBLEM.
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27. JUST LET ME GET SOME
RUBBING ALCOHOL ON THIS.
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28. DO YOU MIND IF WE FILM IN HERE?
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29. - TOM IS REDUCED TO BEGGING
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30. FOR PERMISSION
FROM THE MAYOR TO FILM.
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31. WHAT IF THE MAYOR DENIES HIM?
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32. TOM COWERS IN FEAR
WAITING FOR AN ANSWER.
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33. - OH, MOVIE SHOOT.
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34. - WELL, SORT OF.
WE'RE SHOOTING A PILOT
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35. FOR A REALITY-BASED SHOW
CALLED "MI$TER ENTREPRENEUR."
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36. - INTERESTING. I LIKE IT.
WHO'S YOUR LEADING MAN?
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37. - WELL, THE PILOT FEATURES ME.
WE'LL SEE HOW THAT GOES.
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38. YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST REALLY
A SPEC PILOT FOR NOW.
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39. IT'S NOT MUCH.
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40. - WELL, IN THAT CASE,
I BETTER GET INTO MAKEUP.
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41. - NO, NO. IT SHOULD
JUST BE CANDID.
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42. SO, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.
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43. - TOM, ONCE AGAIN, IS CAUGHT
IN THE LION'S DEN WAITING—
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44. I'M SORRY. CUT! CUT! CUT!
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45. ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
I WAS REALLY PICTURING
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46. A MORE NOIR LOOK
FOR THIS LOCATION.
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47. ALL RIGHT. CAN WE FLY IN
SOME VENETIAN BLINDS
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48. AND A SMOKE MACHINE?
CAN WE GET A SMOKE MACHINE?
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49. TOM, YOU'RE DOING FANTASTIC.
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50. - TODD, COOL IT!
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51. - OK, TOM,
NOW HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
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52. - OH, HEY. HANG ON.
WHAT WAS THAT?
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53. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THAT WAS.
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!
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54. - OK. EVERYBODY JUST RELAX.
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55. I KNOW IT'S EXCITING
BEING ON SET, BUT ON THE SHOW,
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56. WE WATCH ME GO THROUGH
THE PROCESS OF CREATING,
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57. SELLING, AND MARKETING
A PRODUCT—
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58. - RIGHT, TOM. I LIKE IT.
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59. - OH, THIS IS GOLD.
THIS IS GOLD. KEEP IT UP!
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60. COME ON! THE CAMERA LOVES YOU!
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61. TOM, THE CAMERA LOVES THIS GUY.
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62. - SO I HAVE THIS THING
CALLED A CALC-U-CORN.
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63. IT'S A STATUE OF A UNICORN,
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64. AND THE—AND THE CEMENT BASE
HAS A CALCULATOR IN IT.
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65. - WONDERFUL, TOM.
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66. - AND CUT! THAT'S A TAKE.
GREAT WORK, GUYS.
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67. - TODD, I'M NOT DONE.
JUST KEEP ROLLING.
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68. I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS, MR. MAYOR.
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69. UM, SO PHASE II OF THE SHOW
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70. WOULD BE THAT WE WOULD WATCH
ME PRODUCE AN INFOMERCIAL,
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71. SO I'M GONNA BE
DOING THAT TOMORROW
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72. AND I WANTED TO SEE IF
YOU'D WANT TO BE A PART OF IT.
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73. - UM... OF COURSE
I'LL BE A PART OF IT.
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74. - TODD, LOOKING FORWARD
TO SEEING
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75. THE FIRST PASS OF THE SHOW.
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76. TODD, NO! COME ON!
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77. AAH! OH!
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78. - PAUSE IT. PAUSE IT.
PAUSE IT RIGHT NOW.
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79. - WHAT DO YOU THINK, TIGER?
ARE WE IN BUSINESS OR WHAT?
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80. - WELL, IT'S NOT REALLY
WHAT I HAD IN MIND.
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81. - THIS IS FRESH.
THIS HAS AN ATTITUDE.
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82. I THINK THIS IS THE WAY TO GO.
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83. - WELL, WOULD YOU BE UP
FOR SOME NOTES?
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84. YOU KNOW, JUST TRY AND CURB
SOME OF THE HUMOROUS STUFF.
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85. DO YOU—DO YOU—
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86. - UH...
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87. - ADD A STYLISH TOUCH TO
YOUR LIVING ROOM OR DESK SET.
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88. - CALC-U-CORN!
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89. - IT'S AS EASY TO USE
AS A CALCULATOR.
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90. IT'S LIGHT AS A NEWBORN BABY.
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91. CALCULATE LARGE NUMBERS
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92. WITH THE HELP OF THE WORLD'S
MOST MYTHICAL BEAST.
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93. THE FOLLOWING
IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT
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94. FROM CALC-U-CORN, INCORPORATED.
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95. - TAKE TWO. WE ON?
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96. HELLO, MY NAME IS TOM PETERS,
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97. AND I'M STANDING HERE
WITH THE MAYOR OF JEFFERTON.
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98. - HI, TOM. I'M SO GLAD
TO BE HERE
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99. PROMOTING THIS
WONDERFUL PRODUCT WITH YOU.
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100. HAVE YOU GOTTEN A CHANCE
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101. TO PLAY AROUND
WITH THE CALC-U-CORN?
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102. - ABSOLUTELY, TOM.
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103. - TELL YOU WHAT I'D LOVE TO DO.
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104. LET'S GET SOME RANDOM NUMBERS
FROM THE AUDIENCE
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105. AND GIVE THIS SUCKER
A TEST DRIVE.
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106. - OK. WELL, WHAT DO
YOU SAY, AUDIENCE?
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107. - HOW ABOUT ANOTHER ONE?
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108. - OK. WELL,
THE FIRST THING I DO IS
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109. I JUST PLUG IT INTO ANY
WALL OUTLET. NOT A PROBLEM.
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110. TURN THE ON SWITCH ON.
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111. - OF COURSE.
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112. - TAKE CARE OF THAT.
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113. NOW I'M GONNA TAKE
THE NUMBER 759...
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114. - FINE.
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115. - AND WE'LL HIT THE PLUS BUTTON,
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116. AND AFTER THAT,
I'M GONNA PUT IN 487.
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117. AND WE'LL PRESS THE EQUAL SIGN.
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118. NOW ALL YOU DO
IS PULL THE STRING
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119. ON THE BACK OF THE UNICORN
AND WAIT FOR YOUR ANSWER.
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120. - TERRIFIC, TOM.
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121. OOH, AAH, OOH!
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122. - CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?
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123. - IT'S JUST THAT EASY.
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124. - IT'S SO GREAT.
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125. - OH, TERRIFIC.
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126. - SAY, TOM, I'VE HEARD
THAT THIS CALC-U-CORN
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127. CAN DO YOUR TAXES
WITH THE PRESS OF A BUTTON.
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128. - GREAT ONE, MAYOR.
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129. - WHAT? NO.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
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130. - AND I ALSO HEARD
IT COULD TELL TIME.
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131. - NO, IT'S JUST A CALCULATOR.
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132. COME ON. JUST STICK
TO THE CARDS, PLEASE.
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133. - I AM.
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134. - CALC-U-CORN PRODUCTION
IS UNDERWAY.
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135. TOM'S PLAN IS WORKING,
BUT FOR HOW LONG?
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136. CAN TOM MANAGE TO HANG ON TO
THE WIDOW'S PEAK OF SUCCESS
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137. OR WILL HE TUMBLE LIKE A BOULDER
DOWN THE MOUNTAINSIDE?
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138. A SAFE MAN'S BET
IS FOR THE LATTER.
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139. - TODD, COME ON. JEEZ.
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140. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT
WOULDN'T HURT.
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141. - HEY, LET ME DO A QUICK
IN-CAMERA EDIT HERE.
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142. - HEY, TOM. HOW'S THE MOVIE
COMING ALONG?
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143. - OK, I GUESS.
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144. IT'S ACTUALLY A WHOLE
HECK-LOAD OF WORK, THOUGH.
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145. - SO, HOW ARE
MY CALC-U-CORNS DOING?
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146. - CUT! CUT! CUT!
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147. OH, GOD! I HATE
THE LIGHTING OUT HERE!
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148. I WISH I HAD A STROBE LIGHT.
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149. YEAH. THIS SCENE
NEEDS MORE DRAMA.
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150. HOLD, PLEASE.
LET'S RESET THE LIGHTS.
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151. GUYS, THIS SCENE
IS PLAYING OUT GREAT.
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152. HOLD THAT ENERGY.
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153. - UH, SORRY ABOUT THAT, MAYOR.
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154. THE CALC-U-CORNS
ARE DOING GREAT, ACTUALLY.
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155. LOOKS LIKE IT'S GONNA BE
A REALLY TERRIFIC FIRST QUARTER.
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156. I JUST SHIPPED OUT HIS HUGE
ORDER—ABOUT 300 UNITS.
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157. - OH! WELL, THAT WAS ME.
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158. I ORDERED THEM
FOR THE BRIDGE PEOPLE,
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159. PAUL CHILD'S
CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL,
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160. AND A BAKER'S DOZEN
FOR THE CITY COUNCIL.
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161. - OH, JEEZ, UH—
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162. - AAAAAAAA...
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163. NNNNNNN... D ACTION!
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164. - OH, GEE. I HOPE THEY DON'T
BITE OUR BUTTS HERE.
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165. I JUST HAVEN'T PUT THE CORNS
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166. THROUGH SOME OF THE PRODUCT
TESTING THAT I REALLY WANTED TO.
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167. YOU KNOW, THEY'RE
SORT OF MORE FOR KIDS.
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168. - TOM, DON'T WORRY.
WE FEATURED THIS THING ON TV.
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169. SO WHAT COULD POSSIBLY
BE WRONG WITH IT?
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170. - CUT! CUT! THAT IS A—
THAT'S A LAUNCHER.
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171. - OK, LET ME SEE HERE.
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172. 8 PLUS 8.
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173. - 18.
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174. - WAIT. WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?
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175. - I WAS JUST FOOLING AROUND
WITH THE CALC-U-CORN.
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176. YOU KNOW, I PUT IN 8 PLUS 8,
AND IT GAVE ME 18.
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177. - NO, NO.
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178. - WELL, THAT'S WHAT
SHE'S SAYING.
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179. - OH, LET ME CRUNCH
SOME NUMBERS HERE.
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180. NO, SHIRT. IT SHOULD BE
MORE AROUND 16.
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181. THAT'S NOT GOOD.
IT'S GIVING YOU 18?
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182. - DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, TOM.
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183. I'M SURE PEOPLE ARE JUST USING
THESE THINGS FOR GUESTIMATES.
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184. - THAT'S IT, FELLAS.
LINE HER UP TO, UH...
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185. - 77.
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186. - 77 DEGREES.
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187. - YOU'RE ON. GO.
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188. WE'RE ON THE AIR. GO! SPEAK!
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189. THE STILL
UNNAMED JEFFERTON BRIDGE
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190. IS SUFFERING ONE OF
THE BIGGEST BRIDGING DISASTERS
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191. IN RECENT MEMORY.
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192. - CONSTRUCTION FIRM
PARCEL, POWER, AND MOLIN
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193. MISCALCULATED ON A TREMENDOUS
NUMBER OF STRUCTURAL ELEMENTS.
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194. SPOKESPERSON FROM THE FIRM
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195. BLAMES ENTREPRENEUR TOM PETERS'
BRAND-NEW ENGINEERING DEVICE
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196. CALLED THE CALC-U-CORN
FOR THE MISTAKES.
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197. - WE'RE ALSO GETTING WORD
THAT OUR VERY OWN CHANNEL 5 NEWS
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198. TECHNICAL TEAM HAS BEEN
AFFECTED BY THE CALC-U-CORN,
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199. WHICH MAY EXPLAIN WHY WE'VE BEEN
HAVING SOME TECHNICAL PROBLEMS
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200. DURING TONIGHT'S BROADCAST.
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201. - BUT JAN, YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.
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202. - WILL YOU STOP?
WE'RE ON TELEVISION.
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203. I OWE YOU A ROMANTIC WEEKEND.
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204. LET'S GO LIVE TO GULLIVER'S
WHERE TOM PETERS
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205. IS TESTIFYING BEFORE
CITY COUNCIL AS WE SPEAK.
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206. - TOM STANDS BEFORE
THE CITY COUNCIL.
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207. HIS HAIR-BRAINED PRODUCT
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208. HAS RUINED LITERALLY
THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE'S LIVES.
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209. A BRIDGE CONNECTS TO THIN AIR.
A DOCTOR MURDERS A PATIENT.
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210. HOW WILL TOM EXPLAIN HIMSELF?
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211. UM, CAN WE—AHEM—CAN WE—AHEM—
CAN WE PROCEED HERE, PLEASE?
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212. NOW, THEN, MR. PETERS—
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213. - IF I COULD JUST—
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214. - YOU WANT TO GO AHEAD,
PLEASE, AND EXPLAIN
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215. WHY THERE WERE NO PROCEDURES
SET UP TO PREVENT THESE ERRORS
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216. THAT APPARENTLY
ARE IN YOUR CALC-U-CORN?
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217. - OH HO, NOW THAT'S
A GOOD QUESTION.
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218. TOM MUST PAY THE PIPER.
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219. OH, I'D LOVE TO DO THIS
AS A CRANE SHOT.
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220. HEY, IS THERE ANY WAY
WE CAN GET A CRANE IN HERE?
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221. MAYBE A JIB ARM? MAYBE—
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222. - CRICKETS!
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223. TODD, WOULD YOU PLEASE
STOP FILMING FOR A SECOND!
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224. GET THE CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!
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225. I AM SO SORRY, CITY COUNCIL.
I'M SORRY I'M YELLING!
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226. YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE
WITH YOUR STUPID TV SHOW!
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227. I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE!
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228. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY
THIS THING DOESN'T WORK!
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229. I DON'T KNOW
HOW CALCULATORS WORK.
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230. FOR PETE'S SAKE, THIS WAS
JUST MEANT FOR CHILDREN!
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231. NOT BRIDGES
OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
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232. MAYBE IT WAS THE GLUE!
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233. I'M SO SORRY I'M YELLING,
MR. CITY COUNCILMAN!
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234. I CAN'T STOP!
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235. - SHUSH, SHUSH, SHUSH, THOMAS.
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236. SHH. SETTLE. SETTLE.
SETTLE. SETTLE.
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237. I THINK I HAVE A SOLUTION
FOR BOTH YOUR PROBLEMS.
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238. - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WELCOME TO THE OPENING
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239. OF THE TOM PETERS MEMORIAL
WHAT THE HECK? BRIDGE.
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240. THIS HILARIOUS NON-WORKING
BRIDGE FEATURES 10 SHOWS A DAY.
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241. NOW, LET'S WATCH THE AMAZING
DIVING UNICORN DO HIS SHOW.
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242. - THE CONTINUING JOURNEY
OF "MI$TER ENTREPRENEUR."
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243. WILL HE DIVE HEAD-FIRST
INTO THE NEXT BUSINESS VENTURE
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244. OR WILL THE PRESSURE OF SUCCESS
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245. LEAVE HIM DROWNING
IN THE DEEP END?
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246. - OK. HERE I GO.
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247. AAH!
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248. - ANYONE? ANYONE UP THERE?
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249. TODD? COME ON. THIS SUIT
IS MAKING ME SINK.
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250. THAT'S THE ONLY ISSUE
I HAVE WITH IT RIGHT NOW.
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251. - AND SO, IN THE END,
TOM PETERS,
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252. MARKETING GENIUS, REINVENTOR,
PROVED TO BE AHEAD OF HIS TIME.
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253. - BRAVO, TODD.
WHAT A GREAT MOVIE.
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254. - I ACTUALLY HAVE
A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH IT.
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255. - WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT
YOUR MOUTH, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
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256. - ... TO RECAPITALIZE
ON ITS TRUE ESSENCE.
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257. TOM PETERS IS
"MI$TER ENTREPRENEUR."
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258. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
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259. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
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260. —www.ncicap.org—
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261. - CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT!
CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT!
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262. CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT!
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