1. (Drew)
'Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to'
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2. '"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"'
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3. 'On tonight's show'
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4. '"Man of Steel," Brad Sherwood.'
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5. '"Leaps tall buildings,"
Wayne Brady.'
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6. '"Faster than a speeding
bullet," Colin Mochrie.'
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7. 'And their trusted sidekick
Ryan Stiles.'
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8. I am your host, Drew Carey. Come
on down let's have some fun.
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9. Hey, hello.
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10. Welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
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11. The show where everything
is made up
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12. and the points don't matter.
That's right.
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13. The points are like
what your girlfriend says
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14. when the game is on.
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15. Blah-blah, blah-blah,
blah-blah, blah-blah.
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16. Let's get started with a game
called "Superheroes."
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17. This is for everybody.
"Superheroes."
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18. Brad is gonna start.
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19. 'What I need is, uh'
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20. this section over here,
give me a name
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21. of an unlikely superhero.
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22. (Drew)
'What?'
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23. - Captain Clean.
- Tom Arnold.
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24. Tom, Tom Arnold.
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25. Tom Arnold.
No, just Tom Arnold.
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26. I think that's really funny.
You're gonna be, uh..
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27. superhero..
Hi, Tom, how you doing?
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28. This is gonna
be Superhero Tom Arnold
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29. and, uh..
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30. Uh, somewhere over here
there's a..
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31. Tell me what crisis there is
in the world.
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32. (female #1)
'Shortage of ceramic.'
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33. No ceramic.
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34. (Drew)
'Shortage of ceramic.'
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35. So, what's gonna happen is,
he's gonna start out
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36. as this, uh, unlikely superhero
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37. and they're gonna name
each other as they come in.
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38. Try to screw each other up.
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39. 'They're all gonna
be different superheroes.'
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40. Brad, you are Tom Arnold
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41. and there's a shortage
of ceramic in the world.
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42. What are you gonna do?
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43. Okay, I'm awake,
I'm awake, I'm awake.
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44. Uh, I can't remember
if I'm still famous or not.
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45. Oh, am I famous?
Uh, uh, ooh, uh, uh.
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46. Uh, I gotta do something crazy.
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47. I gotta get arrested
or marry
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48. another really famous fat girl.
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49. Ah-ah, ah. Let's see, uh, uh.
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50. Uh, oh, my God, we're out of,
uh, ceramic.
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51. What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?
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52. Well, well, I can break
my giant Buddha
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53. of Roseanne up into pieces.
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54. No, that won't work. Uh!
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55. Oh, if only I still did drugs.
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56. Ooh, gosh!
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57. What am I gonna do?
Oh, I'm sweating.
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58. Maybe I'll have
some more caffeine.
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59. - Ah!
- Sorry, I'm late.
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60. And may I just say you deserve
every penny you made.
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61. Oh, I just wanna say,
good thing you're here.
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62. The guy who channels
the spirits of farm animals.
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63. - Welcome to my house.
- Oh..
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64. Hey! You look like Roseanne.
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65. Oh!
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66. Huh, looks like I got here
in the knick-knack of time.
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67. Ooh, yes. Ooh.
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68. Thank God you're here,
Captain Streaker.
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69. Ooh.
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70. Hey, you look like Roseanne.
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71. That looks like
my ex-wife's butt, only smaller.
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72. Sorry, I'm..
Ha, ha, ha.
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73. Hey, it's cold in here.
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74. - Very cold.
- It's really cold.
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75. Thank God you're here,
the man who mimics everyone
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76. while under caffeine.
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77. Hey, you look like my wife.
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78. That's really fucking annoying.
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79. He's so funny.
Ha, ha, ha.
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80. Ah, I gotta go
register my weapon.
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81. Small caliber.
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82. Ooh. Ah.
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83. Hey..
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84. he just laid an egg,
kinda like my career.
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85. You know, if you had a black
wig, you'd kinda look like my..
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86. I would not look like Roseanne
if I had a black wig.
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87. But how about now?
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88. I was talking about
his most recent ex-wife.
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89. Oh, thank you very much.
That was great.
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90. And, uh, hi, Tom,
wherever you are.
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91. Nice.. Hope-hope you're
enjoying the show.
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92. Let's go on to a game called,
"Film Dub."
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93. It's for four of you.
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94. (Drew)
'"Film Dub."
All four of you. "Film Dub".'
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95. Uh, these guys are in front
of these monitors here.
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96. 'Cause, uh, we're gonna
show them a piece of film.
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97. 'We've taken the sound
out of it.'
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98. 'And they have to make up
their own dialogue'
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99. 'to the scene we're
gonna give them.'
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100. The scene I'd like you
to improvise is
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101. "One day at
the doctor's office."
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102. (Ryan)
'Do we really need
all these people in here?'
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103. 'It seems like
a lot of doctors.'
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104. 'That guy's not even a doctor.
He's a baker.'
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105. (Wayne imitating woman)
'Listen you're delirious
because of your ailments.'
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106. 'You just have to listen to me.
I'm a professional.'
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107. (Ryan)
'Aah! Aah!'
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108. 'Ah ho ra ho ra ho ra.'
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109. 'Aah! Aah!'
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110. (Brad)
'When do we get a chance
to cut him open, huh?'
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111. - 'I want—'
- 'What's wrong?'
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112. (Colin)
'Uh.. Oh!'
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113. (Wayne)
'You been.. You've apparently
eaten too many sea monkeys.'
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114. (Ryan)
'I don't remember..'
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115. (Wayne)
'I don't know what's wrong?'
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116. 'You, you really
should chew them better.'
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117. (Ryan)
'Aah! No wonder
I've got the trots.'
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118. - 'That's right.'
- 'Oh, why my lips so badly—'
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119. - 'Aah!'
- 'I want a refund!'
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120. (Colin)
'I just wanted
my warts removed.'
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121. (Brad)
'Hey, you look like Roseanne.'
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122. (Wayne)
'Oh no! Please.
Throw the torch.'
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123. (Colin)
'Oh! Oh, no! I don't smoke.'
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124. (Wayne)
'Aah!'
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125. (Colin)
'Aah! Oh, I'm so drunk.'
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126. Thousand points a piece.
That was wonderful.
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127. Oh, you're just throwin' away
the points now.
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128. Yeah. Well, we got 'em.
Might as well share 'em.
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129. Let's go on to a game called..
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130. Let's go on to a game called,
"Infomercials."
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131. For Ryan and Colin.
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132. Uh, now what I need
from the audience
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133. 'is a suggestion
of a personal problem'
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134. 'that you have that would be
approved by miracle products.'
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135. Somebody from over here.
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136. - 'Yeast infection.'
- 'Deo!'
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137. (Drew)
'Body odor.'
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138. Body odor. Body odor.
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139. Body odor. Body odor.
Body odor.
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140. What's gonna happen is, uh,
you're gonna be selling me
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141. a body odor improvement product.
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142. And you have to use the items
that are in the box to sell it.
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143. And you're on an, infomercial.
Take it away, Ryan and Colin.
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144. It's four o'clock. And it's time
to shop, shop, shop.
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145. - I'm Billy.
- I'm Bob.
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146. And we're here
to talk to you about..
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147. (both)
Ooh, body odor!
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148. - Hey.. Go ahead.
- Oh, go ahead!
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149. Body odor is something
that attacks everyone.
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150. But it's not something
you have to live
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151. with for the rest
of your life.
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152. That's right. There's many ways
to deal with this.
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153. Of course there's the old way
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154. where you get your family
to wear these.
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155. Then you know
this is the 21st century.
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156. Sure, there's easy ways
around it. You can wear this.
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157. Sure, you can
have one of these
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158. and breathe above
where the body odor is.
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159. But that doesn't help other
people. Does it?
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160. Hey, what you got there?
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161. This is a model it shows you
how body odor travels.
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162. (Ryan)
'Huh!'
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163. - Say this is the armpit.
- Uh-huh.
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164. The odor moves its way
over to the nose.
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165. It can go everywhere
into the nose.
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166. Pee-you.
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167. That's right, what we have to do
is stop it in its track
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168. before it leaves the armpit
and gets to your nose.
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169. That's right.
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170. But that's hard to do
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171. 'cause you can't see body odor,
can you?
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172. Unless you magnify
it 5000 times.
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173. These are the little
body odor bumps.
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174. This is where
the smell comes from.
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175. These little body odor bumps
are called B-O-B's or Bob's.
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176. Phone us. Give us a call.
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177. Don't delay, 'cause if
you keep that body odor..
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178. .. this is the only kind
of girl you're gonna be dating.
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179. Ooh, you smell bad,
but I love you. Ooh, ooh, ooh.
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180. - We don't want that, do we?
- No.
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181. Ryan, why don't you
explain this?
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182. Alrighty.
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183. Some people have problems
after they lose their body odor.
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184. Hey, where'd it go?
I feel lonely, different.
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185. Life's not the same.
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186. That's why we will store some
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187. of your old body odor
in this tube.
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188. Hey, that's the old me.
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189. Don't know what
the hell this is?
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190. And finally, this is
your world with body odor.
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191. This is your world
without body odor.
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192. Oh, man.
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193. I'm sorry, girl.
He didn't mean to do that.
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194. Okay, thank you very much,
we'll be right back with more
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195. "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this. Don't go away.
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196. Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
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197. the show where things are made
up and points don't matter.
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198. Hey, time to congratulate
our very own Colin Mochrie
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199. for being named
"People" magazine of Canada's
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200. "Sexiest man alive."
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201. If you don't believe me
drive up to Canada
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202. and check for yourself.
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203. (Drew)
'We're gonna continue the show'
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204. with a game
called..."Party Quirks."
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205. 'Brad is the host.'
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206. 'And that one's not
for you, Brad.'
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207. 'On these cards
are these guys'
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208. 'We're givin' them each with
a strange quirk identity.'
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209. 'Brad has to guess
what this quirk identity is.'
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210. I know, it's great.
I got them right here too.
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211. They're hilarious. Uh,
why don't you line over there.
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212. 'I'll bring you one at a time
into the party'
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213. 'that Brad's throwing.'
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214. And with the doorbell, Brad
whenever you're ready, start.
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215. Hmm, what do I do?
I fiddle-faddle.
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216. Ooh, finally! I've been
here for an hour and a half.
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217. - Hello. Hi!
- Hi!
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218. Hey, great party. Great party!
This is really cool.
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219. Good to see ya. Good to see ya.
Nice to see ya. Nice to see ya.
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220. Nice to see ya. Nice to..
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221. Nice to see you.
Nice to see you. Nice to..
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222. Yeah! Whoo!
Mind if I get some beer?
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223. I don't think I want
any other party guests.
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224. Oh, alright! Hello!
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225. What a, what a fun party.
Uh, oh, let me..
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226. Hello! Hello, come on in.
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227. Stop ringing the doorbell.
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228. Hand over your money
or I'm gonna blow off my head.
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229. That, that seems, seems like
a win-win situation.
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230. I'll just.. I'll take it back
from you when you're dead.
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231. Hey-hey, you're opening my TV.
What a..
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232. Have you met my friend?
And him? What a great party.
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233. I'm gonna go upstairs
and take a nap.
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234. You guys just have a good time.
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235. Oh, I should probably identify—
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236. This one is too tall.
Another dance whirl.
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237. You've probably met my
narcoleptic robot friend.
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238. No. Close, but—
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239. Recharged by my love.
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240. No, recharged by what?
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241. By, by kissing.
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242. (Drew)
'People's what?'
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243. Kissing people heads and faces.
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244. Yes.
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245. Do you have anymore vodka?
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246. Well, it's..
Have you met my friend..
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247. - Ugh! Aah!
- My friends..
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248. This is a note on the back of
one of my personalized checks.
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249. Here's my license
if there's a problem.
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250. This says eggs, butter, cheese.
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251. You can have everything
in the fridge.
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252. Have you met the dancing
Mikhail Gorbachev?
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253. (Drew)
'Yes..'
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254. Russian ballet dancer.
Close enough.
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255. And you must be
America's dumbest criminal.
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256. Here's your driver's license.
Congratulations.
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257. That was fantastic.
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258. Wow! That was great!
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259. Let's go on to a game
called..."Greatest hits."
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260. This is for everybody with
Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
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261. It's for everybody.
Everybody on the show.
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262. We got this. We got it.
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263. Uh, one of you
from the audience.
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264. This end section over here.
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265. Uh, what you wanted
to be when you grew up?
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266. - Truck driver.
- President.
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267. Uh, president!
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268. So, it's songs of the president.
Take it away, Ryan and Colin.
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269. Hi, we'll be right back to Jerry
Vandyke, Jerry Vale, Jerry Louis
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270. and Jerry the cartoon mouse
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271. and Anton Chekhov
the Jerry Orchard
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272. in just a second.
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273. But first,
have we got the deal for you?
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274. You know as long
there's been presidents
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275. there have been songs
celebrating the Presidents.
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276. One there was even a dance.
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277. Yeah, there was, uh,
dance for-for John Adams.
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278. It was called the John Adam's
dance. It didn't go very far.
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279. You, you didn't sleep well
last night.
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280. No, I'm very tired.
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281. (Colin)
'You know..'
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282. I'm doing the John Adams.
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283. You know a few years back,
there was a new wave of music
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284. and, uh, I was first to get
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285. my metaphorical surfboard
and go on that new wave.
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286. Ooh, that's a big word
for a Canadian.
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287. Yeah.
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288. If you want I can talk slower.
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289. Anyway, one of the first people
running that crest of new wave..
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290. Let-Let the wind
just go over the metaphor.
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291. Great.
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292. As of course the talking heads.
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293. Oh.
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294. I know, yeah.
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295. And who can forget
that great talking heads tune.
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296. That White House is big.
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297. - Hey, Carl.
- Yeah.
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298. What comes to mind when I
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299. mention you, me and our wives?
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300. Yes, yes.
I'm talking about swing.
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301. One of my favorite
music styles of all time.
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302. And many a nights I danced away
to that big swing hit
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303. "I'm lying, he's lying,
we're all lying."
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304. (Drew)
'Thank you very much,
we'll be right back'
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305. to find out who the winner is,
don't go away.
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306. Hey, welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
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307. Colin is the winner tonight.
Colin Mochrie from Canada.
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308. And what we did from before
during the break
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309. is we got Jordy here
a student from Australia.
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310. (male #1)
'Jody.'
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311. - Jody?
- 'She's not American.'
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312. Thought you said Jordy.
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313. - 'Oh, I'm sorry.'
- It's my accent.
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314. - 'And we got Jody.'
- 'Jody.'
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315. - She's from.. Yeah.
- Jody.
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316. She's from Australia.
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317. We got her.
She's a student from Australia.
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318. We got her to sit on the stool.
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319. And with Laura Hall,
Linda Taylor, we're gonna sing
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320. a 300 love way..
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321. We're gonna sing a Broadway
love song to her.
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322. That's a different scene.
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323. - We're gonna sing—
- That's a different game, Drew.
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324. Broadway love song to her.
It's a strange 300 Broadway.
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325. Star, with the help of
Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
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326. 'And uh..'
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327. And this section over here,
give us a suggestion.
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328. When I touch your blank.
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329. Kangaroo. Sounds great.
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330. Alright, touch your kangaroo.
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331. To Jody, one word at a time.
Thanks, folks.
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332. Is it kangaroo
or is it kangara?
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333. - Kangaroo.
- Kangara.
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334. - Thank you so much.
- Thanks, Jody.
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335. We'll be right back with "Whose
Line" after this. Hey my hug.
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336. Hey, welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
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337. Tonight I picked Ryan and Colin
to read the credits for you.
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338. And I want you guys
to read the credits
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339. as the worlds dumbest criminals.
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340. Thanks for watching, everybody.
Goodnight.
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341. We're suppose to read
the credits right.
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342. - No.
- Let's take the TV.
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343. Okay.
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344. Danny Breen.
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345. - Read it while I run.
- Hey, wait.
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346. - There's a guy with a gun
- What?
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347. The guy with the gun.
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348. - I'm taking the TV.
- I got his gun.
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349. Shoot yourself.
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