Whose Line Is It Anyway? 7x11

1. (Drew) 'Good evening and welcome'

2. to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"'

3. 'On tonight's show..'

4. How about a kiss? Greg Proops.'

5. 'How about a hug? Wayne Brady.'

6. 'How about a handshake? Colin Mochrie.'

7. 'And how about a breath mint? Ryan Stiles.'

8. And I'm your host Drew Carey. Come on, let's have some fun.

9. Oh, hello.

10. Hello everybody, welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

11. The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.

12. That's right, the points are just like

13. who has to use the bathroom after you do. Doesn't matter.

14. If you ever saw the show before, everything is made up.

15. Everything's made up off the top of our heads

16. based on these cards and suggestions from the audience.

17. It's really fun.

18. If they do well, I'm not only gonna give 'em points

19. I pass out some candy.

20. I might give 'em a couple pieces of candy, that'll be fun.

21. 'And to show you how it works'

22. we're gonna get started with a game called "Superheroes".

23. This is for all four of you.

24. Greg, you're gonna start and then Ryan, Colin, and Wayne

25. are gonna come in and each new superhero

26. will be named by the person on the stage right before them.

27. 'So you're gonna name each other.'

28. It's the Hair Club For Men man. Alright, good to see you.

29. - I'm not just a member. - 'Yeah, that's right.'

30. What I need from the audience is a name of an unlikely superhero.

31. Not-Hot-But-Spicy man.

32. Not hot but spicy. That reminds me of my girlfriend's nickname

33. for me, which is the Magnificent-Not-Quite-Seven.

34. Ah, now I need a crisis for "Not-Hot-But-Still-Spicy man".

35. (female #1) 'No more Cheetos.'

36. (male #1) 'No shaving cream.'

37. No more shaving cream.

38. - That is a crisis. - 'No more shaving cream.'

39. I'm worried about the brand name, otherwise I use yours.

40. So no more shaving cream for "Not-Hot-But-Spicy man".

41. So, take it away.

42. Well, here in my headquarters it's not hot but... spicy.

43. I'd better check my world crisis monitor.

44. Let me just ooze over it.

45. Great leaping treeshrews!

46. There's no more shaving cream!

47. I could go for a Cheeto right now, by God. I hope..

48. I hope my super friends arrive soon.

49. Hey, sorry, I'm late.

50. Oh, oh, oh.

51. 'I meant to tell you.'

52. Try and drink.

53. Oh.

54. Try some of that. Remember, I'm not hot, I'm spicy.

55. Your spicy.

56. Thank goodness you're here..

57. Ridicules-People- Behind-Their-Back Boy.

58. It's okay to be here. Thank you.

59. - Alright. - What's up with your hair?

60. Have a look at the world crisis monitor?

61. There's no more shaving cream.

62. - No more shaving cream? - That's right.

63. Everyone will look like Merlin Olsen.

64. And you haven't got a solution, right?

65. - No, I haven't. - No solution.

66. I hurried over as quickly as I could.

67. - Thank God! Captain Panic. - What?

68. Oh, nice! What're you? A moose?

69. Relax, relax! It's not like you're..

70. My god! You're making me nervous.

71. You're getting me hot, and I'm not hot..

72. I'm spicy.

73. Look in the monitor.

74. For goodness gracious, there's no shaving cream left.

75. - Sorry, I'm late. - It's alright.

76. Thank goodness, you're here, Malfunctioning Robot Doctor.

77. Yes, thank goodness.

78. It's alright.

79. - I-I-I-I-I yeah. - Yeah.

80. There's no shaving cream. Only you can help.

81. I'll go get some from the AM-PM stat.

82. - That's another brand name. - 'Perfect.'

83. I'll be right..

84. You can't use a brand name. What were you thinkin'?

85. I don't know, no, no, no, no-o-o.

86. Looks like he left.

87. Thanks for your help.

88. Watch out behind you. There's a step.

89. Well, I appreciate you comin' here and helping us out today.

90. You know what, you're not even that spicy.

91. At last, he's found my secret.

92. I'm leavened with delicious avocado.

93. There, have some candy there, fellows.

94. 'Thousand points a piece, uh..'

95. Let's play a game called "Hey, You Down There!"

96. Ryan and Colin.

97. Ryan and Colin are gonna improvise

98. a 1950's public information film.

99. 'Greg is making the narration.'

100. The subject of the film is "Training to be a Fireman".

101. 'Training to be a fireman. Take it away.'

102. (Greg Proops) 'Good morning, boys.'

103. 'You know, there's nothing more exciting'

104. 'than working for the public good.'

105. 'And what do people love most of all?'

106. 'Firemen.'

107. 'Now, that you're at the firehouse'

108. 'it's time to get your gear on.'

109. 'Ryan, what've you got there?'

110. 'Oh, my goodness! Those are your underwear.'

111. 'They're supposed to go inside the pants, Ryan.'

112. 'Looks like Colin's got a visor.'

113. 'Save that for after work, Ryan.'

114. 'Now, that you've got your equipment on'

115. 'it's time to slide down the pole and into the truck.'

116. 'Be careful. Oops, you've gotta choose who goes first.'

117. 'Hurry up, the house is on fire.'

118. 'Colin's takin' the stairs.'

119. 'That's good thinking.'

120. 'Ingenious, Colin.'

121. 'I hope you're not too exhausted to put out the fire.'

122. 'Now that you've got your helmets on'

123. 'time to turn on the siren and take the truck right out.'

124. 'Uh-oh! Something's not working.'

125. 'Colin, haven't you better check the engine?'

126. 'Oh, my goodness! Looks like you need brakes, tires'

127. 'batteries, and spark-plugs.'

128. 'No time for that. You better push.'

129. 'Since..'

130. 'Ouch! Watch those quick stops, Ryan.'

131. 'Better get out the hose and put out the fire.'

132. 'Oh, no! You're gonna need a longer hose than that.'

133. 'There you go. That's the right hose.'

134. 'My goodness! The water doesn't seem to be... whoa!'

135. 'Colin, you better help him.'

136. There you go. Up and down to get the fire out.

137. 'Well, you certainly made all the kids'

138. 'in the neighborhood happy.'

139. Friends, we'll be right back for more "Whose Line Is It.."

140. Don't go away.

141. Hey! Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

142. The show where everything's made up, and the points don't matter.

143. The points are just like my Tom and Nicole poster.

144. 'It doesn't matter anymore.'

145. Hey, let's go on to a game called "Hollywood Director".

146. This is for all four performers Ryan, Wayne, and Greg.

147. Ryan, Wayne, and Greg are gonna act out a film scene.

148. 'Colin's the director, keeps giving the actor's notes'

149. 'on how to improve the scene.'

150. I'm gonna have Colin, uh, the scene is... right.

151. Read the cards, isn't that amazing?

152. Ryan, Wayne, and Greg.

153. The scene is Ryan is a vampire bat.

154. Who flies into the bedroom out of mouthy college girl..

155. Oh "of", sorry not "out of".

156. Gotta have some more of my medicine.

157. Ryan's a vampire bat, who flies into the bedroom

158. 'of mouthy college girl, Wayne, who is showering'

159. 'and getting ready for a date.'

160. - Every night, baby. - That's right.

161. After Ryan is transformed into Count Dracula

162. Professor Van Helsing, Greg... what?

163. Man, I gotta read these ahead of time.

164. Kicks down the door to confront him.

165. Ha ha!

166. Professor Van Helsing, take it away.

167. Oh my gosh! Stop! Ahh!

168. Good evening.

169. Good evening.

170. Who are you?

171. I'm... Count Dracula.

172. Oh, my god! You're a vampire. You came in through my window.

173. I was takin' my shower, and all of a sudden..

174. Shut up.

175. Stop, spawn of the devil.

176. From the center of the earth.

177. I take this crucifix to you, Dracula.

178. That's the old guy, I'm the new generation.

179. Right.

180. Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!

181. I think I was doing Carol Channing.

182. No! No! Not at all!

183. What you're doing was Count Crapula.

184. Is it lunch break yet?

185. What kind of an accent was that?

186. Dutch.

187. You got- What are you doin'?

188. - Nothin'. - Put your clothes on.

189. I need something different from what you're doing.

190. I know!

191. Do it like a cheesy sitcom.

192. Yeah. You are the vampire pretending he's gay.

193. And..

194. the rest is history.

195. Action!

196. Poof!

197. - Mr. Vampire Bat.. - Don't even go there, girl.

198. (Greg Proops) 'Ding-dong.'

199. The professor's here, oh..

200. Hey, you're naked!

201. Whoops, I am!

202. Cut! Cut! Cut!

203. I still feel like Carol Channing.

204. Don't do that.

205. You know what it needs?

206. There has to be more interaction.

207. - That's what I was gonna say. - You weren't saying anything.

208. Do it, like you're incredibly near-sighted.

209. But I am incredibly near-sighted.

210. That's where I got the idea.

211. Action!

212. Squeak! Squeak!

213. Crash!

214. Spawn of the devil! Spawn of the devil!

215. What about that..

216. Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!

217. Cut! Cut!

218. I felt somethin' on my bum, but I stayed in character.

219. Your direction sucks.

220. - Your direction too. - No!

221. Nothing sucks here except your performance

222. but at least it's keepin' the carpet clean.

223. Do it like river dancers!

224. Yes, river dance!

225. River dancers with hiccups.

226. Action.

227. Thank you very much, everybody.

228. Smartie, a sweet tart. There you go, all for you.

229. - I'm gonna get you sucker. - 'There you go.'

230. Now, let's go on to, uh..

231. a really good game called "Two-Line Vocabulary".

232. 'Now it's for Colin, Wayne, and Ryan.'

233. What happens is, they're gonna be acting out scene

234. but Ryan and Wayne have only two lines.

235. That's the only things they're allowed to say... the whole time.

236. Ah, Wayne, the lines you're allowed to say are..

237. '"Is that what I think it is?" and "I don't think so."'

238. 'Ryan, the lines you're allowed to say are..'

239. '"Do you wanna piece of this?"'

240. 'and "You remind me of my mother when you do that."'

241. The scene is three soldiers are caught in a foxhole

242. under enemy fire.

243. - We're in big trouble. - Is that what I think it is?

244. - Yeah, that's the enemy. - I don't think so.

245. Yes, it is. That's why they're shooting.

246. - Friends don't shoot friends. - I don't think so.

247. It is. Look, you can tell they have "enemy"

248. written on their helmets.

249. - Is that what I think it is? - Yes, that's a bullet.

250. You want a piece of this?

251. How can you eat at a time like..

252. Put the chicken away, we're in trouble.

253. You remind me of my mother when you do that.

254. I'm sure she was a lovely woman.

255. - Is that what I think it is? - This is a gun.

256. - Where's your gun? - Hey, you want a piece of this?

257. Oh, oh, what're you, look, see those stripes?

258. Oh, you remind me of my mother when you do that.

259. - Your mother had stripes? - Is that what I think it is?

260. - Yes, I am the sergeant. - Uh, I don't think so.

261. I am! Look, private, give me twenty!

262. - I don't think so. - You want a piece of this?

263. You want a piece of this?

264. - You idiot! - Oh, you wanna piece of this?

265. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You... wanna..

266. - Is that what I think it is? - It is.

267. But it's bigger. Look..

268. - I've got a plan. - I don't think so.

269. - I do! - I don't think so!

270. - Putt! - Oh!

271. Listen, listen.

272. - You remind me of my mother.. - Yeah, I thought that might.

273. I want you to dig a hole, then we'll go underneath the enemy

274. come around the other end and shoot them.

275. - Hey, you want a piece of this? - Yeah, it was my idea.

276. - Is that what I think it is? - Yes, it's a plan.

277. You remind me of my mother when you do that.

278. - Oh, you wanna piece of this? - It's a rock. Here.

279. - Why're you undressing? - You want a piece of this?

280. - No, I don't! - Is that what I..

281. I hated to end that before Ryan took off his shirt

282. but I've already seen it.

283. Well, I'm not built like most of the women around.

284. But I can hold my own. And I usually do.

285. Let's go on to a game called "Scene To Rap".

286. This is for Greg, Wayne

287. and joined later by Colin and Ryan.

288. 'You guys are gonna rap and uh..'

289. 'And, uh, Laura Hall and Linda Taylor are gonna be

290. 'your mix match for DJ types over there.'

291. Now, somebody from the center section of the audience.

292. Give me a name of a big blockbuster type movie.

293. - "Titanic". - "Jurassic Park".

294. "Jurassic Park".

295. 'So it's gonna be "Jurassic Park".'

296. Go ahead and start rapping, man. Greg and Wayne's gonna start.

297. Colin and Ryan will join later. "Jurassic Park".

298. We'll be back for more "Whose Line Is It.."

299. Don't go away.

300. Hey, welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

301. Tonight's winner, Greg Proops.

302. More for what happened off-camera than on

303. but he's still the winner.

304. Rest of us will do a game called "Foreign Film Dub".

305. Wayne and I will act out a scene speaking in a foreign language.

306. Colin's gonna translate for Wayne

307. Ryan's gonna translate for me.

308. Give us a foreign language, quick.

309. Swahili!

310. Swahili. Swahili, I don't know Swahili.

311. Who said Ebonics?

312. So..

313. That guy up there said Ebonics.

314. What you be talkin' about?

315. If you're gonna do a horror movie

316. if you were a Swahili horror movie director

317. what would the name of the horror movie be?

318. "I Think the Mountain Moved".

319. (Ryan) 'Hot coals! Hot coals! Hot coals!'

320. (Colin) 'Get over the fire place. Look, the mountain.'

321. It wasn't there yesterday, yesterday, yesterday.

322. (Colin) 'Watch this! Dey ho!'

323. (Ryan) 'Come in the water bed with me, chill for a while.'

324. (Colin) 'I think if we do the same stuff we did'

325. 'in the Paul Simon audition, we can move the mountain.'

326. (Colin) 'Oh, look, it's working!'

327. (Ryan) 'I don't feel good.'

328. Be right back for more "Whose Line Is It.."

329. Don't go away.

330. Hey everybody, welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

331. Tonight, we're gonna end the credits..

332. Tonight, we're gonna end the show with Colin Mochrie.

333. And Colin, you're gonna be a psychopathic

334. male flight attendant with an anger management thong.

335. 'The others are gonna be your annoying passengers.'

336. So, goodnight everybody. Thanks for watching.

337. See you next time.

338. Well, Friday, Dan Patterson, please leave this way, that way.

339. Please listen, don't speak.

340. Wayne Brady..

341. Can we get some water over here?

342. I'll get your water! Oh my God!

343. - Oh, no! - All we want is water.

344. Remember the Randy Faustino..

345. Look people..

346. Oh! It's gone! It's disappeared!