1. (Drew Carey)
'Good evening, everybody'
Copy !req
2. 'and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"'
Copy !req
3. 'On tonight's show...
"He's so groovy" Greg Proops.'
Copy !req
4. '"He's way cool" Wayne Brady.'
Copy !req
5. '"Shyaaw!" Colin Mochrie.'
Copy !req
6. 'And "As if" Ryan Stiles.'
Copy !req
7. I'm your host, Drew Carey.
Come on, let's have some fun.
Copy !req
8. Welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Copy !req
9. The show where everything's made
up and the points don't matter.
Copy !req
10. That's right. If the points
were Barbies, they'd be Midge.
Copy !req
11. Midge is Barbie's
unpopular friend.
Copy !req
12. Let's get the show going,
I'll show you how it works.
Copy !req
13. We'll start with a game
called Award Show.
Copy !req
14. It's for all four of you,
the Award Show.
Copy !req
15. Greg and Wayne... are gonna be
two presenters in an award show.
Copy !req
16. However, this is not
a entertainment award show
Copy !req
17. it's an award show
for the Best Bitter Divorce.
Copy !req
18. Take it away, Greg and Wayne.
Copy !req
19. What a pleasure
to be here tonight
Copy !req
20. invited to give out the award
for the Most Bitter Divorce.
Copy !req
21. Right, Wayne?
Copy !req
22. Right?
Copy !req
23. - Wayne. Yes!
- Wayne.
Copy !req
24. Yes, Greg.
You are absolutely right.
Copy !req
25. - A divorce ca—
- Thank you.
Copy !req
26. There's no need
for all divorces to be brutal
Copy !req
27. and horrible, but thank goodness
that these were... were.
Copy !req
28. Because without bitter divorces
Copy !req
29. there couldn't
be ugly settlements
Copy !req
30. and then huge alimony payments.
Copy !req
31. So let's get
right down to it, Greg.
Copy !req
32. Alright. Here are the couples
nominated for Bitterest Divorce
Copy !req
33. of the Year.
Copy !req
34. First, Gwendoline
and Ted Abernathy for..
Copy !req
35. "I burned all your clothes
and I set fire to your Camaro."
Copy !req
36. (Wayne Brady)
'Our second nominees,
Yolanda and Makumba Johnson.'
Copy !req
37. 'For..."Oh, no you did it.'
Copy !req
38. '"Why's she calling you
at all times in the morning?'
Copy !req
39. Don't give me that crap
about you work with her."
Copy !req
40. Our third nominee
for bitterest divorce
Copy !req
41. is Drella and Grunch Hop Shebops
Copy !req
42. for "Secretary, my ass."'
Copy !req
43. And the winners
are the Shebops.
Copy !req
44. Yes!
Copy !req
45. You go, I'll follow you.
Just go!
Copy !req
46. Thank you.
I brought my lawyer with me.
Copy !req
47. Thank God, 'cause we're
sleeping together now.
Copy !req
48. You're sleeping
with my husband?
Copy !req
49. - I'm sorry.
- How does that work out?
Copy !req
50. Return, please.
Copy !req
51. Well..
Copy !req
52. I'm a little white for you.
Copy !req
53. Well, I don't know what to say.
Copy !req
54. I think everything
that needs to be said
Copy !req
55. has been said several times,
over a phone, in an angry voice.
Copy !req
56. Just look at me
like always
Copy !req
57. like I don't know
what I'm saying.
Copy !req
58. - No, it's just strange—
- Take the statue.
Copy !req
59. - You're gonna get it anyway.
- I will.
Copy !req
60. I'm takin' this.
Copy !req
61. - Oh, you wish.
- No, that's mine.
Copy !req
62. I-I-I saw that first.
Copy !req
63. I just never seen
you move this much.
Copy !req
64. Maybe if you
had some hair.
Copy !req
65. Go ahead.
Copy !req
66. You.
Copy !req
67. - Anyway, thank you.
- Thank you very much.
Copy !req
68. Thousand points for our confused
friend here in the audience.
Copy !req
69. (Drew Carey)
'Thanks a lot.'
Copy !req
70. That was funny.
Copy !req
71. Got confusing. I didn't know
who the wife or the husband was.
Copy !req
72. It was scary there for a minute.
Yeah, that's okay.
Copy !req
73. Now, we're gonna move on to
a game called Press Conference.
Copy !req
74. It's for all four of you.
Greg, Ryan and Wayne.
Copy !req
75. 'Uh, newspapers reporting.'
Copy !req
76. 'Our newspaper reporting,
uh, newspaper reporters'
Copy !req
77. attending a press conference
held by Colin
Copy !req
78. but Colin doesn't
know who he is.
Copy !req
79. We do, it's on this card here.
Copy !req
80. Wha-wha-what?
Oh, my goodness.
Copy !req
81. Colin has to guess who he is,
based on the questions.
Copy !req
82. Take it away!
Copy !req
83. Well, thank you very
much for joining me
Copy !req
84. at this press conference.
Copy !req
85. I realize this a major news
event and I'm here..
Copy !req
86. to answer any
and all questions.
Copy !req
87. So, please, feel free.
Copy !req
88. - Yes, sir?
- Uh, Bill Philips.
Copy !req
89. (Colin)
'Hi, Bill.'
Copy !req
90. What came over you?
Copy !req
91. Guess I had a sense of boredom.
Copy !req
92. I wanted to, I wanted to do
something different
Copy !req
93. and this is something
I've been thinking about
Copy !req
94. since I was a child really and..
Copy !req
95. I was glad that I finally
had a chance to do it.
Copy !req
96. Yes?
Copy !req
97. Manuel Smith,
the Daily Conquistador.
Copy !req
98. Hi, Manuel.
Copy !req
99. Um, so, did you do it
two by two?
Copy !req
100. Oh, no, no, no.
I did it by myself.
Copy !req
101. Yes.
Copy !req
102. Barney Wineblood,
World Wildlife Federation News.
Copy !req
103. Hi, Barney.
Copy !req
104. Even the pandas?
Copy !req
105. Hey!
How were they gonna learn?
Copy !req
106. When this feeling came over you,
you should've just said
Copy !req
107. the first part of your name.
Just say the first part.
Copy !req
108. Jus?
Copy !req
109. 'Yes?'
Copy !req
110. Exactly how long is a cubit?
Copy !req
111. A cubit, uh, is about,
uh, 40 lengths.
Copy !req
112. - 40 lengths?
- 'Yeah.'
Copy !req
113. A cubit is 40 lengths.
Copy !req
114. And what am I?
Mr. Measure Things?
Copy !req
115. Yeah?
Copy !req
116. Shouldn't you have
packed more provisions
Copy !req
117. so you wouldn't have to
take it out on the elephants?
Copy !req
118. Let me tell you something about
elephants. They ask for it.
Copy !req
119. Yeah.
Copy !req
120. How did you get down
off the mountain?
Copy !req
121. The usual way,
with a ladder and a six pack.
Copy !req
122. Yes.
Copy !req
123. Did you give no thought
to the fact that maybe
Copy !req
124. we would have liked
to have seen the unicorn?
Copy !req
125. You think I care?
Copy !req
126. Hey! Here's your unicorn.
Copy !req
127. Um, with an attitude like that,
why were you the chosen one?
Copy !req
128. Because I had the boat.
Copy !req
129. Obviously, he got this
about five questions ago.
Copy !req
130. Colin, who are you
and what did you do?
Copy !req
131. - I'm Noah.
- 'Right.'
Copy !req
132. And I, uh... ate some
of the animals.
Copy !req
133. All of the animals.
Copy !req
134. Thousand points
to Colin for pretending
Copy !req
135. like he didn't know
what's going on
Copy !req
136. even though five questions
ago he figured it out.
Copy !req
137. "One of you from
the audience's suggestion"
Copy !req
138. "of a new year's resolution
that would improve
Copy !req
139. your health or appearance."
Copy !req
140. Stop drinking!
Copy !req
141. (Drew Carey)
'Stop drinking! Good for you.'
Copy !req
142. Stop drinking! So, Ryan
and Colin come on up here.
Copy !req
143. You're gonna do
an infomercial for us.
Copy !req
144. Using all the items in the box.
Copy !req
145. Showing us how these items
will help us all stop drinking.
Copy !req
146. Take it away, Ryan and Colin.
Copy !req
147. - Hey, what time is it?
- I believe it's 3 o'clock.
Copy !req
148. Well, that means it's time
to shop, shop, shop.
Copy !req
149. Hello, everyone!
Copy !req
150. - I'm Jimmy!
- I'm... not!
Copy !req
151. And it's time
to shop, shop, shop.
Copy !req
152. Hey, can some of you
see us out there?
Copy !req
153. - Hello, hello, hello, hello.
- Hello, been partying?
Copy !req
154. How many of you are layin'
on the floor drunk right now?
Copy !req
155. And it's time to stop,
your liver needs some help.
Copy !req
156. Give your liver a break!
Liver let die!
Copy !req
157. I think people would
stop drinkin' if they knew
Copy !req
158. what they look like
when they were drunk.
Copy !req
159. I think you're
absolutely correct, Ryan.
Copy !req
160. It's difficult finding a mirror
when you're drunk.
Copy !req
161. Sometimes it's impossible!
Copy !req
162. But, that's why we have
this handy little device.
Copy !req
163. You simply make a photocopy of
your head and paste it on this.
Copy !req
164. This is what
you look like sober.
Copy !req
165. This is what
you look like drunk.
Copy !req
166. Which would you rather be?
Copy !req
167. Of course..
Copy !req
168. Of course, this is what you look
like drunk in an earthquake.
Copy !req
169. That's it.
Copy !req
170. Hey, what's that
odd looking thing?
Copy !req
171. - I'm gonna tell you.
- Alright.
Copy !req
172. This stops you from
having more than one drink.
Copy !req
173. - Does it?
- Yes. You put your drinks here.
Copy !req
174. - When you go for another one..
- Oh my gosh!
Copy !req
175. It's just that simple.
And also Halloween..
Copy !req
176. R2-D2.
Copy !req
177. Wow!
Copy !req
178. - Hey, Col.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
179. - What's that look like to you?
- That looks like a brush.
Copy !req
180. That's right.
Copy !req
181. You know..
Copy !req
182. Sometimes we have
to go the hard way.
Copy !req
183. Hmm.
Copy !req
184. Sometimes we have to pull
the drink right out of you.
Copy !req
185. And using Ryan
as my willing subject
Copy !req
186. I'll show you just
how exactly that happens.
Copy !req
187. Why don't we do it
in the mouth this time?
Copy !req
188. No, no, no, no, no!
Copy !req
189. It's flame.
Makes flame that thing.
Copy !req
190. 'It's supposed to.'
Copy !req
191. No, it's fine.
Copy !req
192. I think we know.
It's alright.
Copy !req
193. 'Yes.'
Copy !req
194. Huh! Someone wants
their own show.
Copy !req
195. I wasn't kiddin' about that.
I've seen it in catalogues.
Copy !req
196. It's for lighting flames
Copy !req
197. when you're outdoors
or for your fireplaces.
Copy !req
198. Well he's putting it
right in your mouth
Copy !req
199. he's about to crank it,
and I was like "No!"
Copy !req
200. If I had a nickel
for every time that's happened.
Copy !req
201. 'Yeah.'
Copy !req
202. Be right back with more
"Whose Line" so don't go away.
Copy !req
203. Welcome back
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Copy !req
204. Hey, while we were gone, I lost
another five pounds. It's great.
Copy !req
205. Now, we're gonna play
a game for Ryan and Colin.
Copy !req
206. Come on down here,
Ryan and Colin
Copy !req
207. and let me go up
to the audience.
Copy !req
208. - Hi.
- Hi!
Copy !req
209. - What's your name?
- Lynn.
Copy !req
210. - Lynn?
- Yes.
Copy !req
211. - Come on down here, Lynn.
- 'Alright, Lynn!'
Copy !req
212. - What's your name?
- Mary.
Copy !req
213. Mary? Come on
down here, Mary.
Copy !req
214. Lynn and Mary.
Copy !req
215. Come up, stand right here
and here, won't you?
Copy !req
216. Grab the microphone. Here we go,
Mary, stand right here.
Copy !req
217. (Drew Carey)
'There you go,
this is Lynn and Mary.'
Copy !req
218. 'We're gonna do a game
called Sound Effects.
Copy !req
219. What happens is Ryan and Colin
are gonna do a scene for us
Copy !req
220. and you're gonna do
the sound effects.
Copy !req
221. Lynn, you're gonna do
the sound effects for Ryan.
Copy !req
222. 'Mary, you're gonna
do the sound effects for Colin.'
Copy !req
223. Here's the scene. Ryan and Colin
are two Musketeers.
Copy !req
224. Who are with their French
speaking third Musketeer.
Copy !req
225. They're getting ready to ride
off to a heavily-guarded castle
Copy !req
226. to spring the Man in the Iron
Mask from the dungeon.
Copy !req
227. - With our third French—
- 'That's what it says here.'
Copy !req
228. 'Ryan and Colin
are two Musketeers'
Copy !req
229. 'with there French-speaking
third Musketeer.'
Copy !req
230. 'Saving the Man
in the Iron Mask. Take it away.'
Copy !req
231. - Oh, pretty good.
- Alright!
Copy !req
232. - We have a mission.
- I know.
Copy !req
233. All for one!
Copy !req
234. And one for all!
Copy !req
235. Clang!
Copy !req
236. My sword, it is limp.
Copy !req
237. Whoo-whoo-whoo.
Copy !req
238. Where is Porthos?
Where is our third Musketeer?
Copy !req
239. I don't know.
He has not come by yet.
Copy !req
240. Oh, there he is!
Copy !req
241. Hi, how are you?
Copy !req
242. - Oh, bit of a cold.
- No, no, he must speak.
Copy !req
243. Speak to us, Porthos.
Copy !req
244. - 'Hello.'
- Hi.
Copy !req
245. Put Porthos in your pocket
and we shall be on our way.
Copy !req
246. - Can you see?
- 'Yes.'
Copy !req
247. Alright!
Copy !req
248. Let's mount
our trusty steeds.
Copy !req
249. - Let me get that for you.
- Please.
Copy !req
250. (Mary)
'Giddyup. Giddyup.'
Copy !req
251. Do you mind?
Copy !req
252. Who's driving?
Copy !req
253. I am!
Copy !req
254. Hyah!
Copy !req
255. Perhaps..
Copy !req
256. Perhaps, we should not be
riding on the hardwood floor.
Copy !req
257. Perhaps!
Copy !req
258. There are heroes
coming from miles away.
Copy !req
259. - Look there's a castle.
- A castle. Woah!
Copy !req
260. Oh, sorry.
Copy !req
261. Ah! It's a drawbridge.
We must get it down somehow.
Copy !req
262. I'm sorry,
I thought you were Italian.
Copy !req
263. How can we get it down?
Copy !req
264. Ah! Hand me that rope.
Copy !req
265. - The rope?
- Yes.
Copy !req
266. - La rope.
- Oui.
Copy !req
267. Tie it around my sword.
Copy !req
268. You tie like a sissy.
Copy !req
269. I'm going to throw and cut
the ropes of the drawbridge.
Copy !req
270. Oh, it sounds loud.
Copy !req
271. Let's not anticipate.
Copy !req
272. 'Plunk!'
Copy !req
273. Try again.
Copy !req
274. Be careful. Because when I
cut the ropes the drawbridge
Copy !req
275. will fall down
and make a big noise.
Copy !req
276. - I know.
- Alright.
Copy !req
277. 'Ba-doom!'
Copy !req
278. Oh!
Copy !req
279. - Oh!
- What?
Copy !req
280. They've heard it. They
sounded the alarm! The alarm!
Copy !req
281. No! Don't, don't, don't!
Copy !req
282. - Porthos, what should we do?
- 'Run!'
Copy !req
283. We don't run.
We're not going to run!
Copy !req
284. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Copy !req
285. Thanks, Mary.
Thank you very much.
Copy !req
286. I suppose you spend
a lot of hours as kids
Copy !req
287. doin' sound effects
to each other.
Copy !req
288. Are you guys friends?
Copy !req
289. - We're sisters.
- 'You're sisters.'
Copy !req
290. Oh! How about that?
Copy !req
291. 'Thanks.
That was really great.'
Copy !req
292. 'Lynn and Mary, everybody.'
Copy !req
293. Alright, we shall go on
with a game called..
Copy !req
294. Irish Drinking Song.
Copy !req
295. It's for everybody..
With Laura Hall on the piano.
Copy !req
296. Uh, what I need is a suggestion
from the audience.
Copy !req
297. "Something that
really changed your life."
Copy !req
298. - 'Having a baby.'
- 'Puberty!'
Copy !req
299. First car.
Thank you very much.
Copy !req
300. - First car.
- First car.
Copy !req
301. Your first car,
Irish Drinking Song.
Copy !req
302. Now what happens, they're gonna
make up an Irish Drinking Song
Copy !req
303. for us, one line at a time,
about getting your first car.
Copy !req
304. 'Take it away, guys.'
Copy !req
305. Yeah, that's what
I'm talkin' about.
Copy !req
306. We'll be right back,
find out who the winner is.
Copy !req
307. Don't go away.
Copy !req
308. Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Copy !req
309. Tonight's winner... Greg Proops.
Copy !req
310. Ah! The rest of us are gonna
do a game called Props.
Copy !req
311. Let's have our props, Greg.
Copy !req
312. - Here you go, buddy.
- That's for me and Wayne.
Copy !req
313. Oh good. There's two.
Copy !req
314. We go back and forth,
thinking of fun things
Copy !req
315. to do with these props.
Copy !req
316. Starting with Ryan and Colin.
Copy !req
317. Hello, Cousin Itch!
Copy !req
318. Danger, Will Robinson.
Danger, danger.
Copy !req
319. - Fill up, sir?
- Yes, please.
Copy !req
320. - The car.
- Uh-huh.
Copy !req
321. Welcome to House Party 4.
Copy !req
322. - What's up, man?
- What's up with you?
Copy !req
323. - How you doin', man?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
324. - Yeah. For real?
- For real. For real.
Copy !req
325. Okay, doctor, so, I'm cleaning
out the wastebasket.
Copy !req
326. - Right?
- Yeah!
Copy !req
327. And I lose my—
Copy !req
328. Here comes the ski lift.
Copy !req
329. It's to stop me
from licking myself.
Copy !req
330. (both)
Ricola!
Copy !req
331. When you've been in burlesque
as long as I have
Copy !req
332. you spend a fortune
on tassels.
Copy !req
333. Hey, I want that toy. Click!
Copy !req
334. Come on, Barney,
yabba dabba doo!
Copy !req
335. We'll be right back
for more "Whose Line Is It"..
Copy !req
336. so don't go away.
Copy !req
337. Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Copy !req
338. Tonight everybody'll read the
credits for you to end the show.
Copy !req
339. I want you to read the credits
Copy !req
340. as if you're at a Jimmy Stewart
sound-alike convention.
Copy !req
341. Thanks a lot, everybody.
Goodnight.
Copy !req