1. - During the debate, if you're
thirsty, don't hesitate
Copy !req
2. to stop and take
a sip of water.
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3. Hydration is not weakness.
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4. - Casey, I took on a tidal wave
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5. with my bare hands
in San Andreas.
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6. I'm good around water.
- At some point,
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7. they will ask you what
you want your legacy to be.
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8. Our polling of swing voters
shows your weakness
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9. is foreign policy,
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10. so you want
your legacy to be
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11. that you were tough but fair
on the Middle East.
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12. - Got it, tough and fair
on the Middle East.
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13. Is it cool if I refer
to my opponent
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14. as a "Little Candy Ass"?
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15. I could say, "I'm gonna check
your little candy ass
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16. into the Smackdown Hotel."
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17. - I'm gonna go...
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18. do something that's not
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19. you having ideas, so—
But good luck.
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20. Kill it.
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21. - So, no, I'm not
for combining
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22. the police department
and the fire department
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23. into a super unit
called "The Fire Police,"
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24. as cool as that sounds.
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25. - Thank you,
Candidate Johnson.
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26. Let's move on
to the next question.
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27. If elected, what do you
want your legacy to be?
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28. - Yes.
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29. Middle East.
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30. - We'll begin with you,
Senator Taft.
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31. Well, as the great-great-great
grandson
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32. of President
William Howard Taft,
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33. I know a thing
or two about legacy.
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34. And carrying forward
that proud history,
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35. I'll turn pain into strength
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36. and setbacks into victories.
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37. Meanwhile, my opponent
is a movie star
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38. who lets his stunt doubles
fight his battles for him.
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39. - Okay, as a fitness
advocate,
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40. let me first point out
that William Howard Taft
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41. was the only president to ever
get stuck in his own bathtub.
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42. - I'm sorry, pics or it
didn't happen, Mr. Johnson.
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43. - It's a fact.
The other fact, America,
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44. is that no one has had
to fight more than I have.
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45. I come from a long line
of fighters.
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46. Let me take a quick moment
to tell you a little story
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47. about my family.
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48. Starting with my grandmother,
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49. the first female wrestling
promoter in the country.
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50. No one was tougher than her.
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51. She set the tone.
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52. - Lia.
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53. Lonnie McGill.
Thank you for meeting me.
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54. - Bob tells me you've been
calling the office
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55. every day since Battle Royale,
leaving messages.
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56. - I wanna do what you do.
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57. After 40 years of slinging
insurance, I retired.
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58. And me and the missus thought,
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59. "Why not finally do something
that we love?"
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60. So she's growing cucumbers,
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61. and I'm trying to get into
the wrestling promotion biz.
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62. And I figured,
who better to talk to
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63. than the Queen
of Hawaiian Wrestling?
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64. - Nice story.
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65. Here's why you're really here.
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66. - You heard Greg Yao was
trying to steal my wrestlers.
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67. First, King Kong Bundy...
- He signed a deal
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68. to wrestle for Yao.
- Then Junkyard Dog.
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69. - He upgraded me
to the Radisson.
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70. - He even tried to take Rocky.
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71. - It says "Number 1,"
'cause that's what you'll be
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72. when you sign with me.
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73. - And you say, "Hey, I wanna
get in on that too."
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74. - I—I'm sorry?
- You see me as weak.
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75. "What's grandma gonna do?
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76. Hit me with your purse?"
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77. That's what you say
to yourself.
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78. - I—that doesn't
sound like me.
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79. - You know how a queen
keeps her throne?
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80. By ruling with an iron fist.
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81. Excuse me.
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82. - Now, obviously,
my grandmother was not afraid
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83. to get her hands dirty.
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84. Neither was I.
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85. - Damn.
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86. I need that.
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87. I need a boogie board.
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88. - But sometimes,
she would go too far,
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89. and she knew it.
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90. - Today, my mom
left you mangoes.
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91. Look, she pre-sliced some
of them the way you like it.
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92. - Why does she keep
leaving fruit?
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93. Why doesn't she
just talk to me?
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94. - She's ashamed.
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95. She uses big fruit
to intimidate people,
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96. and small fruit
to apologize to people.
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97. She lets the fruit
do the talking.
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98. - I can't believe
she thought I would stab her
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99. in the back and sign
an exclusive contract with Yao.
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100. I mean, if anything,
I'm the one that should be mad
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101. about that screwjob she pulled
on me at the Battle Royale.
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102. What the hell are you doing?
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103. - Lia changed finish
last minute.
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104. - I saw you with Yao.
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105. I double-cross you before you
could double-cross me!
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106. - I did meet with Yao.
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107. You are a degenerate
scumbag loser
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108. with bad hair
and a cocaine problem.
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109. - Rocky...
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110. - Honey, yeah, I think she
does think you're mad.
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111. That's why she feels so bad.
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112. - Oh.
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113. Good.
- Ugh, that red light is back.
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114. It's been blinking
since yesterday.
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115. It's driving me crazy!
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116. - Just call the front desk.
They'll fix it.
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117. Or throw a towel over it.
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118. Oh, hey, I spoke with Vince
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119. about my run
in the New York Territory.
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120. He wants to pair me up
with Tony Atlas,
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121. and if things go well,
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122. set us up to be future
tag team champs.
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123. Oh, remind me to call Tony,
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124. and tell him to stop talking
about women's feet in public.
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125. - "Rocky Johnson,
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126. WWF tag team champion"
sounds pretty good.
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127. - So does "Ata Johnson,
'Star Search' champion."
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128. It's been a couple weeks.
When are you gonna hear back
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129. from that audition tape
you sent in?
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130. - I'm not holding my breath.
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131. I'm sure they just
threw it in the trash.
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132. - Hey, you can't think
that way.
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133. - Oh.
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134. Dewey, did you put this
under my pillow?
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135. - That's where that is.
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136. I was looking for it.
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137. - We've been through this.
You're too young.
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138. - Ugh, not the age thing again.
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139. - Hey, careful!
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140. That towel is there
for a reason.
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141. - I've seen kids half my age
riding these.
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142. - You've seen a five year old
on the open ocean
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143. boogie boarding?
- Hey.
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144. Remember when Dewey was five,
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145. and I used to let him sit
on my lap and "drive" the car?
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146. - What are you talking about?
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147. - I don't know.
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148. I just walked in
mid-conversation
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149. and wanted to be in the mix.
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150. - It started blinking
a day ago.
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151. I think you need
to replace the phone.
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152. - Your phone's not broken.
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153. The red light means
you have a message.
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154. - A message?
But I pressed the red light.
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155. Nothing happened.
- No, no.
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156. You have to press the button
with the envelope.
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157. - The envelope?
I thought that was
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158. to summon the mailman?
- It's fine.
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159. I'm listening to your message
right now.
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160. It's some lady named...
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161. "Star Search"?
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162. She loved your tape.
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163. - She's inviting you
to come to Los Angeles
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164. for an in-person audition.
- Oh, my God!
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165. - What is it?
A spider?
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166. - "Star Search"
loved my audition!
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167. - Yay!
- Yes!
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168. - And the phone's not broken!
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169. - Yay!
- Yes!
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170. - And your dry cleaning's
ready to be picked up.
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171. - Uh-huh.
Okay, thank you.
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172. They're flying me
to LA tomorrow
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173. for the second round
of auditions.
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174. They want me to sing
my original song
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175. I auditioned with,
and prepare a second song,
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176. a cover.
- "My Sharona."
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177. - "Don't Go Breaking
My Heart."
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178. - I need to make a list
of emergency contacts.
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179. I need to write out
Dewey's allergies.
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180. Oh, you need to forgive my mom.
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181. - Oh, uh,
why is that a thing?
Copy !req
182. - Because it's time,
Copy !req
183. and we need her to watch
Dewey while I'm gone.
Copy !req
184. I'll get her to go
to the beach,
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185. find you a beautiful
apology seashell,
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186. she can rinse it and wrap it—
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187. - Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe?
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188. I got time before Vince
needs me in New York.
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189. I can watch Dewey.
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190. - You've never
watched me before.
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191. - Boy, yes I have.
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192. - No, you haven't.
- Haven't I?
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193. - Definitely not.
- You haven't.
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194. - Oh.
Huh.
Copy !req
195. Okay, well,
we'll start right now.
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196. It'll be easy.
The boy's ten,
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197. he's practically grown.
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198. - He's still a little boy.
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199. - Who are you calling
a little boy?
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200. I can pick you up.
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201. Oh, hey, no, no, no, no, no!
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202. Stop.
- Look,
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203. I was 13 when I went out
on my own.
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204. Now, I'm sure Dewey
can handle being watched
Copy !req
205. by his own father
for a few days.
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206. - Okay.
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207. Okay, yeah.
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208. You can have some father-son
bonding time.
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209. - That's right, ah!
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210. The Johnson boys
are gonna hit the town!
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211. I'm only talking spaghetti
and go-carts, baby.
Copy !req
212. - Okay, so, I'd like
to bring us back
Copy !req
213. to the boogie board idea.
Copy !req
214. If Dad left home at 13,
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215. feels like I can lie down
on a piece of foam
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216. shaped like a Pac-Man ghost
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217. and feel the joy
of being pushed by a wave.
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218. - Okay.
You can get the boogie board.
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219. - Yes!
- And to celebrate
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220. my good news,
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221. I'm taking the family
to Lorenzo's tonight
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222. for a nice dinner.
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223. - Great idea, baby!
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224. Ha, I love it.
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225. - Ooh!
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226. That's how you do it, son.
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227. - And I'm inviting my mother.
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228. - Mm-hmm.
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229. - Even though it wasn't
my mom's fight,
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230. she was the best at bringing
the family together.
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231. - I gotta say, Lia,
Copy !req
232. this is one beautiful
apology shell.
Copy !req
233. Thank you.
- Peter gave it to me
Copy !req
234. when I caught him watching
women's volleyball.
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235. I'm so happy we squashed this.
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236. I'll never doubt
your loyalty again.
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237. - Ah, water under the bridge.
- That's right.
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238. - We are family.
- Family.
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239. - Always got your back.
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240. - Your back will always be had.
Copy !req
241. - Are you guys done?
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242. Can I please have some
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243. of Grandma's attention now?
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244. - Sorry.
- Mm, go ahead.
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245. - Look at my new
boogie board, Grandma!
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246. - My goodness, sweetheart.
I love it!
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247. - Her name's Tanya.
- So wonderful.
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248. I had something very similar
when I was a kid,
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249. but it was a piece
of driftwood.
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250. I can't believe
this is happening.
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251. I can't believe
I'm going to LA
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252. to try out for "Star Search."
Copy !req
253. - That's wonderful,
la'u pepe.
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254. Your father used to say
your voice was so special.
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255. - Thank you, Mom.
Copy !req
256. - You'd be so proud, Peter.
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257. This is all for you.
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258. And while you're gone,
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259. Rocky and I are going to plot
Copy !req
260. a revenge against Yao.
Copy !req
261. - I already took
his cowboy boots.
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262. He'll be feeling that
for a while.
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263. - That's only the beginning.
Copy !req
264. Next, we're gonna
crush his spirit.
Copy !req
265. - Mom, you can't do that.
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266. - Yao is after our business.
Copy !req
267. Your father's business
and our family legacy.
Copy !req
268. In this family,
we stand up for ourselves.
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269. Isn't that right?
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270. - That's right.
- Definitely.
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271. - He must pay.
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272. - "He must pay"?
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273. What are you planning to do?
- Nothing.
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274. - Then why are you
smiling like that?
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275. - No reason.
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276. - No!
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277. What?
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278. Oh, my God.
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279. My bird of fire!
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280. Greek Gods and Goddesses!
Copy !req
281. Sugar's corrosive
on a clear coat!
Copy !req
282. Just declined the insurance
on these.
Copy !req
283. - Now, some fights
you choose...
Copy !req
284. and some fights,
they choose you.
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285. - Hey.
I'm Sebi.
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286. - Hi, Sebi.
I'm Dewey,
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287. and this is my boogie board,
Tanya.
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288. - Kenny wants to fight you.
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289. - I didn't know who Kenny was
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290. or even why he wanted
to fight me,
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291. but like my grandmother said,
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292. in our family, we always
stand up for ourselves.
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293. - Hell yeah, I'll fight him.
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294. Who's Kenny?
- That's Kenny.
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295. By the way, I'm not affiliated
with him.
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296. He stole my shaved ice
and said
Copy !req
297. he wouldn't give it
back until I—
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298. - Can't talk.
My ride's here.
Copy !req
299. - You missed that one!
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300. - I know, Sebi!
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301. - Hey, sorry to interrupt.
Copy !req
302. I know you said this is
the perfect acoustic chamber
Copy !req
303. for you to practice your song,
Copy !req
304. but it's also the perfect
chamber for something else,
Copy !req
305. if you know what I mean.
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306. - I just need
five more minutes.
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307. - You know what?
I love you so much,
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308. I'll give you six.
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309. - They took Tanya!
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310. - Who's Tanya?
- My boogie board.
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311. - Who did?
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312. - Kenny, heard you wanted
to fight.
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313. - You're in my surf spot.
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314. If you don't want
to get your ass kicked,
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315. you gotta pay the price.
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316. - Pay the price?
What price?
Copy !req
317. - 50 bucks.
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318. And your boogie board.
Copy !req
319. - Well, I don't have
any money,
Copy !req
320. and you sure as hell
ain't getting that.
Copy !req
321. So...
Copy !req
322. looks like we're gonna
have to settle this
Copy !req
323. another way.
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324. - I was ready to fight Kenny.
Copy !req
325. - Hey, yo.
Check this kid out.
Copy !req
326. - But Kenny rolls deep.
Copy !req
327. - Thinks he can take on
the local boys.
Copy !req
328. - Uh-oh.
Copy !req
329. - Your board...
Copy !req
330. is gonna make a great present
for my mistress.
Copy !req
331. - They cut my leash,
took my board, and beat my ass.
Copy !req
332. They were gonna bury me
up to my neck in the sand,
Copy !req
333. but I ran away.
Copy !req
334. I'm sorry, Dad.
- Hey.
Copy !req
335. Never apologize
for standing up for yourself.
Copy !req
336. - Oh, no, I wasn't
apologizing about that.
Copy !req
337. I was saying sorry
because I lost.
Copy !req
338. - Oh, okay, good.
- Yeah, I'm glad I fought.
Copy !req
339. - All right, good.
Um, listen, Dewey.
Copy !req
340. Let's not tell your mom
about this.
Copy !req
341. She's got a lot
going on right now,
Copy !req
342. and we don't want her to worry.
Copy !req
343. But as soon as she leaves
for the airport,
Copy !req
344. you and I will deal
with those kids.
Copy !req
345. - Lia?
Yao called.
Copy !req
346. He says he wants to have
a sit-down with you.
Copy !req
347. I think our threats worked.
Copy !req
348. He says he wants
to end this beef.
Copy !req
349. - I already know
what I'm gonna wear.
Copy !req
350. - Lia.
Bob.
Copy !req
351. - Greg.
Drab boots.
Copy !req
352. - They're temporary.
Okay?
Copy !req
353. I'm having new ones
custom made.
Copy !req
354. I'm just waiting for this
special African yellow dye—
Copy !req
355. - We're indoors,
take your hat off.
Copy !req
356. Show some respect.
Copy !req
357. - I know you're the one
who's been threatening me
Copy !req
358. and damaging my property.
Copy !req
359. - Then you stay away
from my wrestlers.
Copy !req
360. I run the Hawaii territory,
Copy !req
361. and if you want to put on
a match, you go through me.
Copy !req
362. I don't work for you anymore.
Copy !req
363. - You think because
you take my wrestlers
Copy !req
364. that we are equals?
Copy !req
365. I am a shark, and you are—
Copy !req
366. Bob, what's the name
of those small fish?
Copy !req
367. - Guppy.
- No, no, no.
Copy !req
368. The ones that attach themselves
to the sharks
Copy !req
369. and eat their leftovers.
Copy !req
370. - Oh, remora?
- Yes.
Copy !req
371. You are remora.
Copy !req
372. And you eat what I let you eat.
Copy !req
373. You know,
this business is tough.
Copy !req
374. People die in this business.
Copy !req
375. My husband, he died
because of this business.
Copy !req
376. - Didn't Peter die of cancer?
Copy !req
377. - He died how I say he died!
Copy !req
378. - Okay.
Copy !req
379. Fine.
Copy !req
380. Just tell me
what you want me to do.
Copy !req
381. - Pay.
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382. You rent the rings
and the venues through me.
Copy !req
383. You book my wrestlers,
Copy !req
384. and you pay my tribute fee
of $5,000.
Copy !req
385. - I don't have that kind
of money lying around.
Copy !req
386. - Then get it!
Copy !req
387. - Hi, Lia.
What are you having today?
Copy !req
388. - Oh, good morning, Marisa.
Copy !req
389. I'll have silver dollar
pancakes short stack
Copy !req
390. with a side of sausage.
Copy !req
391. - Home fries with gravy.
- I'll have a cobb salad—
Copy !req
392. - No, no, nothing for him.
He's leaving.
Copy !req
393. Hey, you tell Bob
when you have it.
Copy !req
394. - And I keep some extra money
in a coffee can
Copy !req
395. in the closet, just in case.
Copy !req
396. Oh, don't let Dewey
eat too many mangoes.
Copy !req
397. He's mildly allergic.
He gets puffy lips.
Copy !req
398. Please check in on my mom.
She's under so much pressure.
Copy !req
399. I'm really worried about her.
- I will.
Copy !req
400. You just concentrate
on this audition.
Copy !req
401. I'm gonna blow the doors
Copy !req
402. off "Star Search"!
- Oh, I know that's right.
Copy !req
403. I'm so proud of you!
Copy !req
404. - Oh.
- Good luck, Mom.
Copy !req
405. - Oh, I'm gonna miss you
so much.
Copy !req
406. I'll see you in a few days,
okay?
Copy !req
407. - See you in a few days.
- Well, hopefully not.
Copy !req
408. - What do you mean?
- I mean,
Copy !req
409. hopefully this is just
the beginning.
Copy !req
410. You kill the audition,
they put you on the show,
Copy !req
411. a label signs you,
you go on tour!
Copy !req
412. I mean, how cool would that be?
Copy !req
413. Both of us on tour,
you with your music,
Copy !req
414. me with the WWF?
Copy !req
415. - Okay, let's not get
ahead of ourselves.
Copy !req
416. - But that's the dream, right?
Copy !req
417. - Right.
I—I—
Copy !req
418. so, if we're on tour,
what about Dewey?
Copy !req
419. - Uh, he'll split time
between me and you.
Copy !req
420. Sometimes he'll stay
with your mom.
Copy !req
421. We'll figure it out.
Copy !req
422. - So, I just wouldn't see him
half the time?
Copy !req
423. - No, no, not half.
Copy !req
424. You wouldn't see him, like,
40% of the time.
Copy !req
425. But—but don't worry about
that right now.
Copy !req
426. That's in the future.
This is just the beginning.
Copy !req
427. - Yeah.
It's just the beginning.
Copy !req
428. Okay.
- All right.
Copy !req
429. - I love you both so much.
- Bye, Mom.
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430. - Now, you drive safe.
You got precious cargo.
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431. Bye, babe.
There she goes.
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432. - Bye.
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433. - Bye!
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434. All right.
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435. Show me those punks
who jumped you.
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436. - Let me tell you,
if you were ever jumped
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437. by a gang of bullies,
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438. you wanted Rocky Johnson
in your corner.
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439. - There they are.
- Hey!
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440. Heard y'all jumped my boy.
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441. That's a bitch-ass move.
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442. Eight against one.
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443. Now, listen up.
My son
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444. would kick the crap
out of any one of you
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445. one-on-one,
and he'll do it right now.
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446. - Uh—
- And I heard
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447. one of y'all pulled a knife!
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448. - No one pulled
a knife on your—
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449. - You shut the hell up!
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450. Y'all like knives, huh?
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451. Well...
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452. I got the knife now.
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453. That's what I thought.
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454. Dewey!
Get your board.
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455. - All right!
Dewey and Dewey's dad!
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456. - Sebi, are you okay?
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457. - I'm buried straight down,
but I'm fine.
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458. I'm clapping right now.
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459. You can't see, but I am.
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460. - Anytime, one-on-one.
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461. Anytime.
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462. - Dad, that was amazing.
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463. - Bye, Dewey!
- Thank you, Dew.
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464. We believe in standing up
for ourselves in this family.
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465. But sometimes, the fight
isn't always fair.
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466. When that happens, know
I always got your back.
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467. - Dad, do you wanna
go boogie boarding with me?
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468. - No, son.
You know I don't like
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469. to get my hair wet.
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470. Aloha flight 24
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471. will be boarding shortly.
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472. - You into surfing?
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473. - Oh.
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474. No, I just got my son
one of those boogie boards.
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475. - Uh, that'll be $6.50.
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476. - He's not here
with me—my son.
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477. But I thought he'd like
the magazine when I get back.
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478. I'm only gone a few days.
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479. And, you know, if I have
to be gone longer next time,
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480. we'll figure it out.
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481. I mean, when I was growing up,
we traveled all the time.
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482. My dad was a wrestler and
my mom and I were on the road
Copy !req
483. constantly with him,
and it was fine.
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484. Of course, my mom
was always with me.
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485. She was that steady presence.
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486. I remember
that made me feel like
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487. no matter where we were,
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488. that was home.
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489. - That's sweet.
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490. Please take the change
from my hand.
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491. - Mom?
What are you doing here?
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492. - I have bad news.
Copy !req
493. "Star Search" called
and changed their mind.
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494. - Really?
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495. Wait, they called you
at the airport?
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496. - Yep.
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497. Announced it
over the loudspeaker.
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498. Said they made a mistake
and accepted
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499. too many talented people,
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500. but they're gonna keep me
in mind for the future.
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501. - I'm sorry, Mom.
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502. Are you sad?
- No.
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503. Because now I get
to be here with you.
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504. Mm.
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505. Did you have some good
bonding time with your dad?
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506. - Yeah.
We had fun at the beach.
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507. - Is that a knife?
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508. - Let's sing a song together.
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509. - Sure.
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510. Your favorite?
- Yeah.
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511. - Ultimately, my mom
decided the fight
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512. to become a star could wait.
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513. It wasn't worth losing
these moments with her family.
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514. - Francine, go pee-pee
for Mama.
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515. No, don't lick my shoes.
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516. Go pee-pee.
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517. - Hey, Lia.
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518. - Hey.
Where's Dewey?
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519. - He's relaxing at the hotel.
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520. But I got these for you.
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521. - Ooh.
Yao's boots.
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522. Look how they glow
in the moonlight.
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523. - Ooh, look how the pores
in the leather accept the dye.
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524. Mm!
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525. - Anyway, how is everything?
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526. You okay?
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527. - I think I finally
got everything
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528. under control.
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529. - Good.
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530. 'Cause Ata was worried
about some of the stuff
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531. you were saying
at the restaurant.
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532. - I shouldn't have said
those things in front of her.
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533. But you know, Peter built
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534. Polynesian Pacific
Pro Wrestling...
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535. and I won't let it
be torn down.
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536. - No one can question,
you are one badass woman, Lia.
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537. Respected.
Feared.
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538. Loathed.
And loved.
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539. - I like that.
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540. Put it on a T-shirt.
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541. - Come on.
Help me put on my new boots.
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542. - Sometimes, when you think
a fight has been won,
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543. you find out it's only
just beginning.
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544. - Did you hear, FBI?
Did you get it?
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545. - We got her asking you
for a tribute fee,
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546. which sounds to me
like extortion.
Copy !req
547. - Yes, good!
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548. So you can arrest her?
- Yeah.
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549. If we can get more,
we have a better chance
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550. of making sure
the charges stick.
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551. - My grandmother
didn't know it,
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552. but her biggest fight
was yet to come.
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553. My whole life,
I've watched my family
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554. fight to keep what's theirs,
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555. fight to keep us together,
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556. and fight to keep
their dreams alive.
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557. And as President,
I will follow their example,
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558. and I will always fight
for the American people.
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559. And that's what I hope
my legacy will be.
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560. - That was your "quick story"?
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561. You exceeded your allotted
time by, what, 20 minutes?
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562. - Yes.
Thank you very much.
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563. - Thank you,
candidate Johnson.
Copy !req
564. Let's move on
to the next question.
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